OF DATES AND DEBATES

20 05 2011


Pacman Interpellates
World boxing champion and anti-RH Bill solon Manny Pacquiao slugged it out with veteran lawmaker Edcel Lagman in Congress last Wednesday night. It was a mismatch. The welterweight was exposed as a lightweight.

Albay Rep. Edcel Lagman thus snapped Manny Pacquiao’s 14-bout winning streak.

Did you see the Pacquiao-Lagman bout last Wednesday? Even if Pacman used steroids, he would have still lost that one.

Before he interpellated Albay Rep. Edcel Lagman, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao told the media he spent the whole night reading and studying the RH Bill. It didn’t show.

After 12 rounds of Q&A, Lagman scored well in research; Pacquiao, scored fairly in reading.

Although the main event was lackluster, the undercard was thrilling and entertaining. Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao posted her first career win when Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago decided to throw in the towel.

Defending her son against Senator Santiago’s advice that he should “stay out of the RH Bill debate,” a fuming Mommy Dionisia said, “Ang pakialaman nila ‘yong malaswa. Gusto ko ang pakialaman nila ‘yong malaswaaaaaaa!” To which Willie Revillame said, “O? Ano na namang ginawa ko?”

Quoting God, Cong. Manny Pacquiao said everyone must “go out to the world and multiply.” His statement was seconded by the CBCP, anti-RH Bill groups, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.


Sperminator
Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted that he fathered a child with a member of his household staff. The kid is now a fourth grader at the International Cyborg Institute.

Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child outside of his marriage. The other son was identified as Jose Victor or JV.

Arnold Schwarzenegger kept the child secret for 10 years. Maria Shriver discovered it with the help of US Navy SEALs.


Bilibid Or Not
Bureau of Corrections director Ernesto Diokno is in hot water these days. This, after ABS-CBN cameras caught convicted killer and former Batangas governor Antonio Leviste outside the New Bilibid Prisons, specifically, in Makati and Binondo – at least four times. Rumors say Diokno is on his way out. In fact, his post has been offered to Anthony Taberna.

According to records, former Batangas governor Antonio Leviste is a ‘living out’ inmate – meaning, he is free to move around the New Bilibid Prisons (NBP). The records didn’t explain though how Binondo and Makati City became part of the NBP.


Noy’s New Date
President Aquino invited a certain Bunny Calica to a date last Monday. Reports say Bunny is 27 years old, very simple, intelligent, and the type of person who wouldn’t say no to the elderly.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that Bunny Calica had dinner with Baby James and Joshua Aquino at the Bahay Pangarap in Malacañang recently. The information came from the fourth member of President Aquino’s Communications Group, Kris Aquino.

According to Kris, while having dinner, Baby James or Bimby asked Bunny, “Are you my tito’s girlfriend?” It was the President who answered, “No. But I hope so.” And then there was an awkward moment when Bimby said, “Hope? My daddy too.”

Top 5 Things Bunny Calica Shouldn’t Say if Baby James Asked, “Are you my tito’s girlfriend?”

No. 5: “Anak ka nga ng ina mo!”

No. 4: “You wish!”

No. 3: “Puwede na rin. End of the world na naman bukas eh.”

No. 2: “Actually, I’m your tito’s boyfriend. Mahaba lang ang buhok ko.”

And the No. 1 thing Bunny Calica shouldn’t say if Baby James asked, “Are you my tito’s girlfriend?”

“No Tito Boy. We’re just friends.”
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“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”
~Charles Schultz

Quote of the Weak
“As you know I am still single. If I ever get a chance to go out on a date, it seems that I have invited the entire Filipino people to join me on that date. And I wonder who gave them the right.”
~ President Noynoy Aquino

- Eh ‘di magsumbong ka sa lolo mong panot!
You don’t want attention? STAY HOME! Problema ba ‘yon?

Have a great weekend!

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LUCK’S ON LACSON

27 03 2011


SENATOR PANFILO LACSON is back! You know what that means? The NBI, the PNP, and military intelligence agents can finally stop pretending they’re looking for him.

When he arrived in Cebu from Hong Kong Saturday morning, Senator Panfilo Lacson was reportedly alone. But critics refuted the report saying Malacañang’s thoughts were “with” him.

Reports say the Philippine National Police did not have enough knowledge as regards Lacson’s arrival last Saturday… just as they did not have enough information as regards his departure last year.

National Bureau of Investigation Director Magtanggol Gatdula insists his former boss is “really free” and “the bureau no longer has anything to do with him.” As if you did.

Lawyer Nancy Tagle of the Bureau of Immigration (BI) in Cebu told the Philippine Daily Inquirer that Senator Lacson acted as if “he didn’t want to be noticed.” Unfortunately, everyone, with the exception of NBI agents, did notice him.

Last Saturday, Senator Panfilo Lacson arrived in Lapu-Lapu City in Cebu… not to avoid the media in Manila but because his wife, Alicia wanted dried mangoes as pasalubong.

Reports say Senator Panfilo Lacson was wearing a hat and sunglasses when he arrived in Cebu. When he arrived in Manila, he was wearing a smile.

Top 6 Questions You Shouldn’t Ask Senator Lacson in his Scheduled Press Conference Monday (Or You’re Dead)

No. 6: Was there a third party in the breakup of Jodi and Pampi?

No. 5: You said you didn’t do it and Erap has also denied doing it. Was it suicide then?

No. 4: Who among your advisers and PR consultants thought of linking Cezar Mancao to Justice Secretary Leila De Lima?

No. 3: What the f*ck were they thinking?

No. 2: Do you want to thank anyone in Malacañang?

And the No. 1 question you should not ask Senator Lacson in his scheduled press con…

Did you enjoy watching the NBI’s and the PNP’s yearlong Moro-moro?

In other news…
Cong. Manny Pacquiao said if his father had used a condom, he wouldn’t be here today. I say had Manny Pacquiao used one, he would have not fathered a child with a woman other than his wife.


Manny Pacquiao has deleted his Twitter account. Apparently, he could take punches but not punch lines.

OMG, LOL
The OED or Oxford English Dictionary’s 2011 edition has just added Internet-associated expressions like OMG (Oh My God), LOL (Laughing Out Loud) and IMHO (In My Humble/Honest Opinion). Failing to muster enough votes from OED’s board of directors were TTMO and NDRRMC.

Bottom Three
Idol hopeful Thia Megia was in the Bottom 3 last week but was nonetheless declared safe. Also in last week’s Bottom 3 were Merceditas Gutierrez and the Ligot couple.


March 27th.
On this day in…

1884: The first long-distance telephone call is made from Boston to New York. It abruptly ended when the guy in Boston said (in Filipino), “Tapos na ako! Ikaw?”

1938: Sino-Japanese War: The Battle of Taierzhuang takes place. The troop that can spell Taierzhuang correctly in one attempt will be declared winner.

1963: Quentin Tarantino is born. Chin first.

1968: Yuri Gagarin dies in a plane crash. He has completed his orbit on earth.

1998: The Food and Drug Administration approves Pfizer’s prescription drug Viagra. In the Philippines, Senator Juan Ponce Enrile files a resolution commending Pfizer.

2006: Zacarias Moussaoui testifies in court that he is supposed to hijack a fifth airplane on September 11, 2001, and fly it into the White House. However, the flight of the fifth airplane, later identified as Cebu Pacific was delayed for three hours, ruining Moussaoui’s original plan.

2010: PLDT chairman Manuel V. Pangilinan addresses the graduates of his alma mater, Ateneo De Manila University. He spoke about protecting the environment… specifically citing the importance of recycling plastics, paper, and graduation speeches.
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“It is not a Justice System. It is just a system.”
~Bob Enyart

Quote of the Weak

- Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao‘s tweetply to a Twitter follower who asked why he’s absent when the House of Representatives voted on the impeachment case against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez last March 21

How ironic! How gullible!
Philippine Star columnist Carmen Pedrosa wrote in her latest column: “We are gullible because we are not able or do not question information. We prefer to believe what other persons tell us.”

In that column, she discussed a purported Harvard study that found Filipinos to be the most gullible people in the world. Guess what? That supposed study was a “gawa-gawang” story she got from a satirical blog. Yari ka!

Dear Ms Pedrosa:
There are several people in this world that I find really gullible. And you are all of them!

Three Strikes
Strike 1: Paquito Diaz, dead! Not!
Strike 2: It’s Oban! No it’s Gaa!
Strike 3: Filipinos are gullible!
That’s three strikes. Sorry, you’re out!

Briefly Noted
The Philippine Daily Inquirer is the only local broadsheet that comes out with blind items in at least three sections: Entertainment (Rushes); Business (Biz Buzz), and Sunday Lifestyle. Here’s an intriguing item from today’s (3/27) issue. Girl cries ‘rape’-years later-and two most prominent families might end up in

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