IMELDA

Birthday Girl
Former First Lady Imelda Marcos celebrated her 80th birthday on July 2. Insisting that she’s nearly broke, she opted to host a very modest party. To give you an idea how modest it was, the candles she used for her cake… were made from her husband’s thighs.

One of the greediest people of all time (according to Newsweek magazine) just turned 80! Imelda Marcos became an octogenarian on July 2, 2009. You know what that means? She can be the next Senate president or mayor of Manila!

Top 10 Ways Imelda Marcos Celebrated Her 80th Birthday

No. 10: Spent hours lecturing her most famous grandson on the bad effects of “ecstasy”

No. 9: Torched hundreds of current and past issues of Newsweek magazine

No. 8: Watched videos of her all-time favorite local reality show, “Born Diva”

No. 7: Laid a wreath of flowers at her late husband’s imaginary tomb at the Libingan ng mga Bayani

No. 6: With daughters Imee, Irene, & Aimee, and Marcos loyalist Cherry Cobarrubias, plus a medium, visited the Manila Film Center and conducted a séance. She sought forgiveness from the “spirits” for whatever “harm I have caused you.”

No. 5: Learned the steps of “Single Ladies” and “Jai Ho” with her favorite dancing partner, PCGG Chairman Camilo Sabio

No. 4: Sponsored a high school essay writing and art contest with the theme, “Tatlumpu’t Anim na Taon ng Martial Law: Kagandahan, Kapayapaan, at Kaunlaran”

No. 3: Visited the metro’s slums to “spread beauty and hope”

No. 2: Defrosted and cleaned her favorite refrigerator… “dahil ayaw ni Ferdie na madumi ang kanyang higaan.”

And the No. 1 way Imelda Marcos celebrated her 80th birthday…

Same as last year: injected herself with a dose of formaldehyde – good enough for another year!

________________
“They call me corrupt, frivolous. I am not at all privileged. Maybe the only privileged thing is my face. And corrupt? God! I would not look like this if I am corrupt. Some ugliness would settle down on my system.”
~ Imelda Marcos

Elsewhere…
President Arroyo and… what? A boob job?! Holy mammary glands Batman! Here’s a titillating report from Newsbreak Online. (And be sure to come back here ‘coz that’s one topic I wanted to feast on next. I mean, the procedure, not her boob!)

Personal
Good news fellow Kobe and LA Lakers fanatics. The Black Mamba will drop by Manila on July 21. Awesome!

Enjoy your weekend!

Survey Says…
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No Way: 29%

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SICK

Long Holiday
Residents of Metro Manila are taking advantage of the three-day weekend by going out of the city for rest and recreation. It’s also the best time for Filipinos to visit the provinces while they’re still part of the Philippines.

President, Sick?
Reports say a combination of dinuguan and bilu-bilo downed President Arroyo last week. Militant congressmen are filing a bill to officially name both dinuguan and bilu-bilo “mga pambansang pagkain ng Pilipinas.”

President Arroyo attended a barangay fiesta in Lubao, Pampanga on Saturday dismissing rumors she was struck with an illness. In fact, just to prove she was as healthy as ever, the president gamely participated in the indigenous games held at the fiesta. Wearing a hula skirt… pumayag siyang maging sipa.

CPP-MILF Alliance
Self-exiled communist leader Jose Maria Sison proposed an alliance between the CPP-NPA and the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. MILF leaders vowed to consider the proposal on one condition – that both groups would have equal number of representatives in Congress.

Plaza Miranda Bombing
August 21, 2008 marks the 31st anniversary of the Plaza Miranda bombing. The CPP-NPA will also be celebrating on that day as it marks the 31st year of denying it had a hand in the bombing.

PDEA Watch List
A Philippine Daily Inquirer report says a grandson of a former president and a male multimedia personality are on the watch list of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency for cocaine and ecstasy abuse and dependency. When Borgy Manotoc read the article, he immediately phoned Imee Marcos and asked, “Mom, is lolo a former a president?”

PDEA Watch List II
A Philippine Daily Inquirer report says a grandson of a former president and a male multimedia personality are on the watch list of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency for cocaine and ecstasy abuse and dependency. When Tim Yap read the article, he exclaimed, “Malinis ang konsensya ko. Hindi dating pangulo ang aking lolo. At lalo namang hindi ako ‘yong multimedia personality. Look! It’s says there o, male. Hello?!?”

LOWTATHIONE

Anwar and GMA

Former Malaysian Deputy Premier Anwar Ibrahim was arrested for sodomizing a former aide. GMA is far more fortunate. She keeps screwing millions Filipinos and no one has filed a suit.

The Population Debate

President Arroyo is reportedly taking the side of the bishops on the raging issue of population management. So don’t be surprised if a reporter attempts again to ask GMA about her sex life, and she replies with, “Plenty.” She’s just being Catholic.

Loren and Lucida

Sen. Loren Legarda ordered the dismantling of her Lucida-DS billboards after the Bureau of Food and Drugs recalled the whitening product from the market because its glutathione content was insufficient. Loren also asked the manufacturer of Lucida to explain why it mislabeled the product, why it deceived the public, and why was her talent fee as endorser much lower than Gabby Concepcion’s.

Loren and Lucida II

Following BFAD’s recall order on the controversial whitening product Lucida-DS, Sen. Loren Legarda ordered the dismantling of Lucida-DS billboards showing her as endorser. Loren reportedly believed BFAD’s findings that Lucida-DS contained insufficient amount of glutathione when she noticed no significant change in her dark armpits despite repeated intake of the product.

The Isnajis and the ARMM Elections

The Philippine National Police barred detained Indanan, Sulu Mayor Alvarez Isnaji and his son, Haider, from campaigning outside their detention cell for the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao elections in August. Sought for a reaction, Mayor Isnaji said, “That’s unfair. Kung kelan may campaign funds kami saka naman pinagbawalang mangampanya!”

Pacquiao’s Two Belts

The World Boxing Council has ordered Manny Pacquiao to give up one of his two championship belts because no boxer is allowed to own two belts in two separate weight divisions. Although saddened by the order, Pacquiao chose the lightweight over the featherweight belt. That’s the second most difficult choice Pacquiao has made in recent months next only to his decision to dump Ara Mina in favor of his wife Jinkee.

The Fight Club

Embassy Super Club, the notorious bar at Bonifacio Global City co-owned by the equally, if not more infamous party-animal Tim Yap was allowed to re-open three weeks after it was ordered closed by Taguig City following the mauling and death of a customer. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the owners have decided to rename the bar and call it Ecstasy Super Club.

The Fight Club II

The City of Taguig allowed Embassy Super Club to re-operate on condition that customers who are known to be drug dealers and users would be barred from the establishment. Borgy Manotoc allegedly described the restriction as “totally unfair.”

Wow Mali!

The Manila Standard Today‘s story that came out Friday, July 18 titled,  “Campus gang rape ruled out,” written by reporter Florante S. Solmerin, started with this line:

“A FACT-FINDING COMMITTEE formed by the Philippine University of the Philippines debunked the claim of a 16-year-old coed of having been raped by several male students inside one of the classrooms.”