CATHOLIC VOTE

18 12 2012

logos
THE SENATE and the House of Representatives approved on third and final reading their respective versions of the Reproductive Health Bill. Malacañang: 2, CBCP: 0.

In Congress, 133 congressmen voted ‘Yes’ to RH Bill; 79 voted ‘No,’ and 7 played it safe.

At the Senate, 13 senators voted ‘Yes’ to the RH Bill; 8 voted ‘No,’ and Tito Sotto was annoying as ever.

It took 14 years for our legislators to pass the RH Bill. Fourteen long years! Or as Mother Lily would say, “Shake, Rattle and Roll!”

Also at the Senate, Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago vowed to file a bill that would penalize a husband “who does not give satisfying sex to his wife.” And Koko Pimentel was like, “Harsh!”

Senator Jinggoy Estrada and his half-brother, San Juan Rep. JV Ejercito both rejected the bill. Who says they have nothing in common?

Reports say if President Aquino signs the bill into law, Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Emeritus Oscar V. Cruz will be pushing for ‘civil disobedience.’ One form of civil disobedience is not paying your taxes. In short, Oscar Cruz is telling Filipinos, ‘Gayahin n’yo ako.”

Lipa, Batangas Archbishop Ramon Arguelles says President Aquino will be killing 20 million children if he signs into law the Reproductive Health Bill. That’s a bold statement from someone who has absolutely zero contribution to the population.

BREAKING: The Mayan calendar has been found. Apparently, the Mayans predicted the decline of the CBCP’s influence.

Trust and Optimism
According to a Pulse Asia survey, 80 percent of Filipinos trust President Aquino. The rest were Catholic bishops.

Another Pulse Asia survey showed 92 percent of Filipinos were optimistic about the coming year. Not as optimistic about 2013 were Mitos Magsaysay, Tingting Cojuangco and Jamby Madrigal.

Wrath of God?
At least 20 children were killed by a gunman in Newtown, Connecticut. More than 22 kids were stabbed by a deranged man in China. Manila Auxiliary Bishop Broderick Pabillo is blaming the RH Bill for these tragedies.

DONAIREDonaire Wins
Nonito Donaire Jr. beat Jorge Arce to retain his WBO superbantamweight title, his fourth straight win this year. Analysts are applauding Donaire’s showcase of consistency. Me? The thing I like most about Nonito is that he’s not a politician and game show host.

Jorge Arce was knocked out by Nonito Donaire Jr last Sunday. An emotional Mommy Dionisia Arce blamed Jorge’s change of religion for his loss.

Top Rank promoter Bob Arum says Nonito Donaire is a shoo-in for Fighter of the Year. Also in the running for that recognition is Sharon Cuneta.

No to Bieber
A party-list representative has filed a resolution seeking to ban Canadian pop artist Justin Bieber from visiting the country for making fun of Manny Pacquiao on Instagram. Another proof that the party-list system in the Philippines is effed up.

A party-list lawmaker wants Justin Bieber to apologize for mocking Manny Pacquiao. When will lawmakers apologize for mocking the party-list system?

MMFF 2012
The annual Metro Manila Film Festival opens on Tuesday, December 25. I’m really excited. I can’t wait to not watch the entries.
—————————————————
“Basically, then, there are only two kinds of solutions to the population problem. One is a ‘birth rate solution,’ in which we find ways to lower the birth rate. The other is a ‘death rate solution,’ in which ways to raise the death rate – war, famine, pestilence – find us.”
~ Paul Ehrlich, The Population Bomb

lau_bishopcartoonSound Bites
“Itong Pangulong ito ay pilit tayong hinahati imbes na tayo ay pag-isahin, palakasin ay hinahati tayo. Nangangamba ako na baka pagmulan ito ng kaguluhan sa bansa.”
~Archbishop Emeritus Oscar V. Cruz

“Alam ko rin ang isyu. Well, I welcome that tsismis na bading ako so that I can also examine my own personality and sexuality. Na-confirm ko namang hindi. Hahaha”
~Sen. Koko Pimentel on gay rumors (via GMA 7’s Startalk)

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





SINGLE

24 04 2011

Aquino & Cruz
President Aquino still refuses to comment on Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz’ advice for him to stay single. When it comes to romance, the President listens to Mother Mary – the only virgin he trusts.

Easter Message
In his Easter Sunday message, CBCP president and Tandag Bishop Nereo Odchimar called on the public to “not be selfish as to deprive others of their right to live.” And then, in his personal Easter text message to Archbishop Cruz, he asked him to “not be selfish as to deprive Noynoy of his right to love.”


Maundy Thursday
President Aquino and his Cabinet staged a modern version of the Last Supper last Thursday. DSWD Secretary Dinky Soliman fed the apostles. Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa drank all the wine.

Easter Sunday
The Philippine National Police and the NBI played Easter egg hunt on Sunday. As expected, they failed to locate the eggs.

Visita Iglesia
With more than 130,000 page views, the CBCP’s Visita Iglesia website was a huge hit. That’s not surprising though since it’s the only place where Catholics could mute or stop a bishop during a sermon.

According to the CBCP, more than 130,000 joined Visita Iglesia online. Catholics actually liked the experience. They had the chance to reflect between tweets.

Pacquiao’s Single
Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao is training hard to punish Sugar Shane Mosley on May 7. But before that, he is set to punish us all with the global release of  “Sometimes When We Touch” on April 28.

Singer/songwriter Dan Hill says Many Pacquiao’s recording of “Sometimes When We Touch” “was like wow!” To put that in perspective, Hill was paid millions of dollars  in royalty.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao is releasing the single “Sometimes When We Touch” globally on April 28. Your days are numbered… Rebecca Black!

Bieber Blunder
During a concert in Malaysia last April 21, international teen pop star Justin Bieber greeted the crowd, “Hello Manila!” To be fair to Justin, he thought he was in Sabah.
————————————-
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
~Emo Philips

April 24th
On this day in…

1982: Kelly Clarkson was born. The attending physician said Kelly was in her element. And her first cry… was perhaps the best cry of the night in that hospital. She really made it her own.

1942: Barbra Streisand was born. Baby Barbra weighed 5 lbs… and that was her nose alone!

1998: ABC confirmed that it was canceling the TV series “Ellen.” Ellen DeGeneres then met with GMA 7’s Felipe Gozon for a possible transfer but TV5’s Manny Pangilinan had a better offer.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. After the inauguration, he went straight to a street party and performed on stage with his college friends.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope. Everyone was invited to the inaugural… except for Chief Justice Renato Corona.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. The event started a bit early so the Vatican had to ask Noel Cabangon to sing a couple more songs.


You Have Spoken
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa rekomendasyon ng Ombudsman na kasuhan sina Bolante, Lorenzo, atbp kaugnay ng fertilizer fund scam?
Puwede na rin ‘yon. At least, kakasuhan. 25.27%
Bakit ngayon lang? Huli na! Gimmick lang ‘yan. 69.35%
Wala akong pakialam. 5.38%

Bonus!
Narito ang pampasuwerteng hula para sa inyo ngayong Easter Sunday! Right click here.

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Have a wonderful and safe week ahead!





PR

26 09 2010

(PERHAPS) THE MOST POPULAR FILIPINO today is in the United States of America right now: very much single, ordinary-looking, a mother’s pet, well-loved by the whole nation, and doing all the best to generate income before returning soon to the country. So far, so good. Congratulations… Charice!

The President’s Speech
On Saturday, President Aquino addressed the UN General Assembly in New York. Rumors say some attendees representing UN-member nations complained when an advance copy of Aquino’s speech was given to the representative of China.

The Two Presidents
President Aquino and US President Barack Obama have finally met face to face. Reports say the two leaders instantly clicked as friends. In fact, they now have a nickname for each other, Lights and Menthol.


The President’s Hotdog
Did you know that the government paid an American PR firm for President Aquino’s official trip to the United States? Malacañang wasn’t informed though that the same firm is also doing PR work for a chain of hotdog stalls on the streets of New York.

Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda defended President Aquino when the latter ate hotdog sandwiches with Finance Secretary Cesar Purisima, former senator Mar Roxas, some Filipino reporters, and his security detail on a New York City sidewalk. Lacierda said the President spent only $54 for hotdog sandwiches… but millions of dollars for PR.

The idea of President Aquino eating hotdogs on a New York City sidewalk was criticized by a number of Filipinos. All of them were Samar Group members.

The President’s Shooting Buddy
Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno plans to submit a courtesy resignation when President Aquino returns from the United States next week. Let’s all hope he doesn’t forget his plan.

President Aquino said he would not accept the courtesy resignation of his shooting buddy, Interior Undersecretary Enrico Puno. According to the President, everyone is “entitled to due process” adding that he “cannot just have him hanged” just because someone asked him to do so – to which former PAGASA chief Prisco Nilo said, “Yeah right!”

The President’s Cousin
On meeting with Archbishop Oscar Cruz, businessman Tony Boy Cojuangco said, “Anybody has to help the government do its functions and this was my way of helping.” TO everyone reading this blog right now, let us all help the government do its functions. Bisitahin natin si retired Archbishop Oscar Cruz! Now na!

After his name was dragged into the jueteng controversy, an irate Antonio “Tony Boy” Cojuangco lectured the media on reporting. When the President learned about Cojuangco’s critique of the media, he asked him to become a member of the IIRC.

With his name being dragged into the jueteng scandal, a visibly upset Tony Boy Cojuangco lectured members of the media on how to handle information from wild sources. Slighted by Cojuangco’s sermon, the media lectured him on how to handle a live-in partner gone wild.

Tony Boy Cojuangco’s live-in partner, actress Gretchen Barretto was reportedly shocked when she heard her husband’s name during the Senate hearing on jueteng payola. To give you an idea of how shocked Barretto was, her face moved.

The Governor
Ilocos Sur Governor Luis “Chavit” Singson has denied any links to jueteng operations as exposed by Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago. So, ano ‘yon? Set up na naman?


Charice!
Filipina teen singing sensation Charice was praised for her impressive debut on the hit US TV series “Glee.” Despite her success, Charice has remained humble and down-to-earth. In fact, she’s going to New York tomorrow to eat hotdogs on a sidewalk.
—————————–
“A reputation once broken may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was.”
~Joseph Hall

Survey Says
Sa kinasasangkutang mga kontrobersya ni Undersecretary Enrico Puno:
– Hintayin ang desisyon ng pangulo. 6.98%
– Resign! Now na! 90.91%
– Pag-iisipan ko muna. 2.11%

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DENIALS

22 09 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Charo Santos has canceled her plan to feature the life story of DILG Undersecretary Enrico Puno on the next episode of “Maalaala Mo Kaya.” The creative team is having a hard time drafting the script because, apparently, walang maalaala si Usec Puno.


The Senate Hearing
In Tuesday’s Senate hearing, DILG Undersecretary Enrico Puno failed to identify the jueteng emissaries (some of whom were even his “friends”) who approached him saying he couldn’t remember any of their names. For the next hearing, the Senate plans to invite a doctor to determine if jueteng can cause amnesia.

Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz named DILG Undersecretary Enrico Puno as one of the “ultimate recipients” of jueteng payola, allegedly receiving as much as 8 million pesos a month. Sought for comment, Puno said he couldn’t remember if he got 8 million pesos or less, or if he even got any.

Amid calls for his resignation, Undersecretary Puno told reporters, “Wala pa naman akong ginagawang mali.” Well, wala ka pa ring ginagawang tama!

For those who missed Tuesday’s Senate hearing, here are some excerpts:

Senator Enrile: Sinu-sino ang mga lumapit sa ‘yo na nagtangkang makipag-set ng appointment?
Usec Puno: In passing lang naman po ang pagbanggit nila. Pero wala pong direktang pag-uusap tungkol sa jueteng.
Senator Enrile: Kaya nga! Name names!
Usec Puno: Sa sobrang dami nga po, wala na akong maalala. Basta, sobrang dami nila.

Senator Legarda: Sabi mo kanina, friends mo sila. So dapat kilala mo. Gusto naming malaman, sinu-sino sila?
Usec Puno: Actually, friends ko lang po sila sa Facebook kaya hindi ko na maalala ang mga pangalan. Talaga pong napakarami nila.
Senator Enrile: Sinu-sinong jueteng operators ang nagpadala ng emisaryo sa ‘yo?
Usec Puno: Ang dami kasi nila. Wala na rin po akong maalala.
Senator Enrile: Nakakapikon ka na! Kung cross-examination ito, talo ka na. Ako, lawyer ako. Ikaw lawyer ka ba?
Usec Puno: Hindi po. Ako po’y isang farmer.
Senator Enrile: Okay. Sige. Ito na lang ang tanong ko: anu-anong mga halaman na ang naitanim mo?
Usec Puno: Naku, sobrang dami na po. Hindi ko na maalala.
Senator Legarda: Kahit isang uri ng halaman, hindi mo na matandaan?
Usec Puno: ‘Yon nga po eh. Napakarami po nila. Talagang ‘di ko na maalala.
Senator Enrile: Sabi mo sa ANC, very close ka sa ating Pangulo at ikaw ang hingahan niya ng problema. Ang tanong ko: bakit ‘di ka kasama ni Pangulong Aquino sa Amerika?
Usec Puno: Sino po ‘yon? ‘Di ko na siya maalala.
Senator Enrile: Usec Puno, I’m reminding you that you are under oath!
Usec Puno: Talaga po?? Sorry, ‘di ko naalala.
Session Suspended.
End of transcript.


More Revelations
According to Archbishop Cruz’ report on jueteng, DILG Undersecretary Rico Puno, former PNP Chief Jesus Versoza, and retired Senior Supt. Rey Cachuela were collectively known as the “Three Kings” – which was really ironic because they’re the ones who receive gifts.

Jueteng-free?
Pampanga Governor Lilia Pineda, wife of jueteng lord Bong Pineda claims there is no jueteng in her province. This woman has a future in comedy. To say that there’s no jueteng in Pampanga is like saying there’s no Mayon Volcano in Albay.


Pangasinan Governor Amado Espino Jr., Baguio City Mayor Mauricio Domogan, and Isabela Rep. Paul Dy who were also identified by Archbishop Cruz as jueteng operators all denied the allegation and insisted that there’s no jueteng in their respective areas. Oo na! Sige na! Maniniwala na kami. Hindi totoo ang jueteng. Gawa-gawa lamang ito. Kathang-isip. Isang ilusyon. Bunga ng malikot na imahinasyon! Kabalintunaan! Walang jueteng! Wala! O, masaya na kayo?

Tony Boy’s Request
Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz revealed that four days before the hearing, President Aquino’s second cousin, businessman Antonio “Tony Boy” Cojuangco told him to “go easy” on his jueteng exposé. The archbishop said he didn’t promise to accede to Cojuangco’s request. Instead, he advised Tony Boy to tell his partner Gretchen Barretto to “go easy” on Botox.

Postscript: Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz has denied rumors that before senators were given a copy of his report on jueteng, a copy was submitted first to the Chinese Embassy.


The IIRC Report
Malacañang did not release the full report of the Incident Investigation and Review Committee on the August 23 hostage crisis. But anyone who wants to have a copy of the complete report may personally go to Malacañang. Just present a Chinese passport.

The IIRC recommended the filing of charges against DILG undersecretary Enrico Puno for mishandling the August 23 hostage crisis. Sought for reaction, Puno said, “Hostage crisis? Kelan ‘yon?”


Did you see Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim’s outburst on TV? That was classic. Apparently, the mayor has learned a lot from his vice mayor.

Defending his deputy, Mayor Lim said, “Ang pakiusap ko lang ho, alisin n’yo na lang si Vice Mayor Isko Moreno sa idedemanda. Ako na lang ho ang idemanda n’yo.” Reacting to Lim’s statement, Moreno said, “Kapag nakulong siya, magpapakulong din ako. Magsama na lang kami sa oblo (loob).” At that moment, the blood pressure of Manila’s No. 1 councilor shot up due to excitement.

On Mayor Lim’s statement, Vice Mayor Isko Moreno said, “Kapag nakulong siya, magpapakulong din ako. Magsama na lang kami sa oblo (loob).” Dahil dyan, may nag-texxxxxt! “Akala ko ba ako lang?! Hmpf! – Kuya Germs.”

In a press conference Tuesday, a very emotional Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim contested the report of the IIRC that conducted an investigation into the August 23 hostage incident. But before members of the press could ask some questions, Lim excused himself and said, “Hindi pa kasi ako nagla-lunch.”
———————————-
“Gambling is the son of avarice and the father of despair.”
– French Proverb

Survey Says
Sa inyong palagay, matitigil kaya ang jueteng sa ilalim ng administrasyong Aquino?
– Oo naman. Political will lang ang kailangan. 15.59%
– Imposible! Sus, asa pa! 56.44%
– Legalize it na lang! 27.97%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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GAMBLE

14 09 2010


Jueteng Payola
Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz, an anti-illegal numbers game crusader revealed that two trusted officials of President Noynoy Aquino have been receiving at least 2 million pesos in monthly payola from jueteng operators. Cruz did not confirm rumors that one official belongs to the Balay Group while the other, to the Samar Group.

Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno admits receiving feelers from gambling operators asking how to operate jueteng under the Aquino administration. The negotiations failed though because Puno was “not trained to handle such situation.”

President Aquino has reportedly ordered Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo to come up with a comprehensive plan to wipe out jueteng in the country. The plan is expected to be in place before Robredo is wiped out from the Cabinet.

Reports say jueteng emissaries have tried to approach Rico Puno. See?!? Even gambling operators know who the “real” DILG secretary is.

Puno’s Suggestions
Interviewed on ANC, Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno suggested three names for DILG: retired PNP Chief Jesus Versoza, defeated Manila mayoral candidate Avelino Razon, and Davao City’s Rodrigo Duterte. Puno is so close to the President, he’s not just a DILG undersecretary, he has also become the head of the palace search committee.

Hostage Fiasco and Tourism
The government says the August 23 hostage fiasco in Manila affected only 3 percent of local tourism… and 97 percent of President Aquino’s relationship with Sec. Jesse Robredo.

No Conspiracy
The IIRC panel that investigated the August 23 hostage crisis has ruled out the possibility that bus driver Alberto Lubang has conspired with hostage taker Rolando Mendoza. But the panel is not ruling out yet the alleged conspiracy between Lubang’s nail file and Mendoza’s handcuffs.

NPC vs. Ang See
The National Press Club criticized IIRC panel member Teresita Ang See for blaming RMN’s Michael Rogas and Erwin Tulfo during the clarificatory hearings on the recent hostage fiasco. The NPC was reportedly surprised when they heard Ang See’s outburst… although Ang See was more surprised when she heard that there’s still such a thing as NPC.


Truth Commission
Members of the Truth Commission have taken their oath before President Aquino. The commission is expected to finish its job in two years. Malacañang did not reveal each member’s salary rate but the President was heard telling them, “Remember: no truth, no commission.”

Government Wins vs. Marcoses
The government has won a 10 million-peso lawsuit against Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos. It was the government’s first win in 10 million cases against the Marcoses.
————————–
“I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost my mind.”
~Steve Allen


Personal
To the mother of this baby who was found in a trash bin of a Gulf Air flight that landed in Manila on Sunday, I don’t wanna judge you this early but still… shame on you!


More Personal: I was there!
Congratulations to the winners of the 2010 UAAP-Samsung Cheerdance Competition. The top three teams were clearly in a different league this year. The final ranking:
Champion: UP Pep Squad – 440.9 points (Wohoo!)
1st Runner Up: FEU Cheering Squad – 421.4 points (My personal fave)
2nd Runner Up: UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe – 407.5 points (Thanks to the UP-friendly crowd)
Fourth: Ateneo Blue Babble Battalion (Not this time! Ha-ha)
Fifth: DLSU Animo Squad (The tumblin’ girl was awesome!)
Sixth: UE Pep Squad (It’s hard to perform 1st)
Seventh: NU Pep Squad (Henry Sy’s investment in motion)
Eight: Adamson Pep Squad (What happened guys?)

Special Award: Samsung Stunner, a member of the DLSU Animo Squad

Trivia: The UP Pep Squad has now won the cheerdance contest in both years (2007, 2010) the UP Fighting Maroons ended the UAAP basketball season without a single win.

Survey Says
Prangkahan na! Sa umano’y dalawang paksyon sa administrasyong Aquino, mas na-kanino ang simpatya mo?
Team Balay 8.42%
Team Samar 4.08%
Wala! 87.5%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Philippine Daily Inquirer (Daxim Lucas): The “missing” Communications Group head, and the Castilaloy businessman [Sobrang giveaway na blind items!]

Australian Brian Gorrell says controversial “Gucci Gang” member Delfin Justiniano Ocampo Montano II has been arrested in the US.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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THE FUGITIVE

7 02 2010

PAGASA says summer is almost here. It’s getting hotter and hotter outside. No wonder, Sen. Panfilo Lacson refuses to come out.

Ping Lacson
Sen. Panfilo Lacson’s staunch ally, Archbishop-emeritus Oscar Cruz says  the senator’s decision to flee is “justifiable” saying “Sa tingin ko, hindi niya magagawa ang ibinibintang sa kanya.” Cruz’ statement has fueled speculations that he’s quitting the priesthood to become a lawyer.

There have been conflicting reports as to the whereabouts of fugitive senator Panfilo Lacson. Some say he’s in Australia. Others insist he’s still in Hong Kong. And then, some believe he’s at the basement of Marlene Aguilar’s house.

Authorities tried to serve the warrant of arrest Saturday by visiting Lacson’s residence in Ayala, Alabang. Then, they went to the house of Lacson’s son, Panfilo ‘Pampi’ Lacson III and his wife, actress Jodi Sta. Maria in BF Homes, Parañaque City. They also visited his parents’ home but Lacson was never found. Apparently, they haven’t searched the house of Archbishop Cruz yet.

Sen. Gringo Honasan, who himself was a fugitive from the law on several occasions in the past said Senator Lacson should “master the art of disguise.” Honasan advised him to “maximize costumes” – prompting Lacson to read articles on Lady Gaga.

Reports say Senator Lacson will surface only after the May 10 polls when a new president is elected. Unless of course, it’s Manny Villar.

Top 8 Movie Remakes Starring Sen. Panfilo Lacson

No. 8: Ping Shui

No. 7: Duwag the Dog

No: 6: Look Who’s Hiding

No. 5: Chickened, Ran

No. 4: Coward’s End

No. 3: I Know What You Did Last November 2000

No. 2: Harry Dacer and the Prisoner of Alabang

And the No.1 movie remake starring Sen. Panfilo Lacson…

You’ve Got Jail

In Other News…
The Commission on Elections held mock polls Saturday. Topping the race for president was Dr. Jose Rizal… prompting the PR group of Sen. Noynoy Aquino to make changes in their campaign strategy.

In the mock polls held Saturday, Dr. Jose Rizal emerged as the top pick for president besting closest rival Emilio Aguinaldo. However, Aguinaldo refused to concede and vowed to immediately file an election protest.

In the mock polls held Saturday, Dr. Jose Rizal emerged as the top pick for president. The Liberal Party accused Rizal of being the “secret candidate” of the Spanish Governor-General.

Marcelo H. Del Pilar won the vice presidential race in the mock polls held Saturday. The next day, Korina Sanchez was on radio blaming Conrado De Quiros and Kiko Pangilinan for her husband’s loss.

Noynoy Aquino’s Camp Reacts
The Professional Heckler received an email from the head of Sen. Noynoy Aquino’s advertising campaign, Ms Yolly Ong of ad agency Campaigns and Grey as regards the recent post titled “EVEN NOW.” It was sent through Philippine Star columnist William ‘Billy’ Esposo, an online friend of The Professional Heckler. Click here for details.

Survey Says
According to the latest survey, Noynoy and Villar are statistically “tied” now – because…
Villar has more ads than Noynoy 31%
Villar’s ads are more effective than Noynoy’s 42%
I don’t care! 27%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere…
This is really cute. Have fun!





THE RUNNING PRIEST II

21 07 2009

amonged

Among Ed
Officially announcing his bid for the presidency in 2010, Pampanga governor Fr. Ed Panlilio says God wants him to run for president… to which God said, “Ako! Ako! Ako! Lagi na lang ako!”

Father Ed Panlilio is reportedly leaving priesthood to seek the presidency in 2010. Panlilio insists God wants him to seek higher office… to which God said, “Heller! Brother Eddie ikaw ba ‘yan?”

Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio is leaving priesthood saying, “God is calling me to run for the presidency.” In a related development, the Devil is reportedly having a hard time deciding which candidate to support because there’s just too many qualified bets to choose from.
____________
“If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.”
~ Thomas Szasz

Top 10 Messages Left on Among Ed Panlilio’s Answering Machine Following His Declaration that He Would Seek the Presidency in 2010

No. 10: “Father, this is Jeff Shedlarz from Pfizer. How much do you need for your campaign?”

No. 9: “Father Ed, this is Archbishop Cruz. Ang tigas talaga ng ulo mo!”

No. 8: “Put*ng-ina Father, sigurado ka ba sa gagawin mo? Si Mar nga pala ‘to.”

No. 7: “Among Ed, si Lito Lapid po ito, ang inyong cabalen. Itatanong ko lang sana kung sino ‘yong bastos na babaeng sumagot sa telepono. Imagine, kausap ko na nga siya tapos sabi ba naman, ‘Leave your message after the tone.’ Walang breeding!”

No. 6: “Father Panlilio, si Brother Eddie ‘to. Ang lakas naman ng loob mo! Bakit? May 5 million followers ka ba?”

No. 5: “Father Eddie, si Erap ‘to. Sabihin mo lang kung kailangan mo ng First Lady. May ire-refer ako.”

No. 4: “Father, si Brother Eddie ulit ‘to. The Lord is my shepherd and he has promised me his endorsement. You better drop your plans.”

No. 3: “Among Ed, Archbishop Cruz again here. Bakit? Ano pa bang nagawa mo aside from increasing revenues from quarry operations? Meron ba?”

No. 2: “Father, si Isabela Gov. Grace Padaca ‘to. Ano bang middle name ni Archbishop Cruz: Lapid o Pineda? Parang ang laki yata ng galit niya sa ‘yo?

And the No. 1 message left on Among Ed Panlilio’s answering machine…

“Guessh who!??? Shige Among Ed, tumakbo ka! Shabi nga ng aking namayapang ama, ‘Do what ish right. Do what is bessht. And Mikey will take care of the ressht… sa kapitolyo.”
_________

Personal
I’ll be attending Kobe Bryant’s live show at the Phil Sports Arena today. I was lucky to snag a couple of courtside tickets from Nike’s Creative Agency. Thank you so much Ogilvy!

Newsbreak Online has an item on a veteran PR guy who bolted the camp of presidential contender Manny Villar.

Does Sen. Mar Roxas read The Professional Heckler? I think so. Here’s a February 2009 blog post of Prof. Danton Remoto.

ForbesTraveler’s list of the world’s most astonishing landscapes includes Bohol’s Chocolate Hills.





THE FIGHT IS ON

30 08 2008


Pacquiao vs. DeLa Hoya
Reports say Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya are scheduled to meet on December 6 for the 100 million dollar-welterweight fight. Both camps have agreed to push through with the eagerly-awaited bout which stands to benefit De La Hoya and Pacquiao… as well as GMA7 and Solar Sports.

Annabelle Rama vs. Wilma Galvante
According to talent manager Annabelle Rama, GMA7 senior vice president for entertainment Wilma Galvante is “a devil.” Galvante opted to ignore Rama’s potshot but made it clear that if provoked again, she might retaliate… with her pitchfork.

Cruz and Condom
Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Oscar Cruz said the use of condom is not 100 percent effective versus HIV. To prove his claim, he’s now gathering statistics on the number of HIV-positive sacristans.

MJ Turns 50
Michael Jackson who turned 50 years old on August 29 says he is very proud of his achievements… particularly, his uber-successful transformation from a cute, black American boy to a scary white American girl.

MJ Turns 50 II
Yesterday, August 29 Michael Jackson turned 50 years old… or just a few more years before he finally completes the world’s first ever case of reverse evolution.

Check this out: The History of Michael Jackson’s Face





RICE AND FALL

31 03 2008

null Half Rice

McDonald’s will start serving half rice to its customers starting April 17 in an effort to help conserve the country’s supply of the staple… a move that should have been done a long time ago when McDonald’s first served its emaciated half chicken!

null This Just In! Tokyo Tokyo has sent word that it would not stop its “Eat All You Kanin” promo despite the looming rice crisis. Instead, it will modify the promo title and call it “Eat All You Kanin… While Supplies Last.”

Sex Education

The Department of Education is set to launch sex education in public schools. That’s how serious this government is in preparing for the looming rice crisis.

null Top 5 Signs That There’s An (Extremely) Severe Rice Shortage (As in sobra na!)

5: During meals, you don’t use spoon and pork for the rice. You use tweezers.

4: When sparrows or ibong maya in rice fields starts feeding – on scarecrows.

3: When you order rice at McDonald’s, the McDo crew would always ask: “Rice ba sir? Ilang grains po?”

2: When the only rice you actually see on television… is Condoleeza Rice. (And your kid starts asking if she’s edible.)

And the No. 1 sign that there’s an extremely severe rice shortage (As in sobra na!)…

1: When you hear your neighbor tell her maid, “Indaaay… gumagabi na. Magsaing ka na ng Boy Bawang.”

null Irreplaceable

Because of her ailment, former president Corazon Aquino cannot join the scheduled series of “mass for truth” that she initiated in support of NBN ZTE witness Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada. Kris Aquino has reportedly offered to take the place of her sick mother but Lozada’s handlers declined… mainly because he didn’t want to be upstaged.

null Cruz, Communion & the Arroyos

A congressman has asked the CBCP to sanction Archbishop Oscar Cruz for allegedly lying when he denied saying that he wouldn’t give the Holy Communion to “public sinners” like President Arroyo. Asked what he would do next if he would be stripped of his priesthood, Cruz jokingly replied, “Magtatanim ako ng kamote.” Of course, he’s kidding. He’s so good at lambasting the government; ABS-CBN would surely be interested in giving him a radio program.

null Lotto Winner (Daw!)

According to the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office, a single bettor from Quezon City won the 249 million peso-jackpot prize in the 6/49 SuperLotto draw last night. That’s according to PCSO. Either we believe them or we don’t. Hmmm, we don’t really have a choice, do we?

Robbery in QC

A cell-phone distribution firm in Quezon City lost an undetermined amount of cash and a service vehicle to fully-armed robbers posing as policemen over the weekend. That’s the sad reality about our law enforcers – even if the robbers staged the heist as themselves, the victims would still suspect them as cops.

Personal

Would you like to win exclusive invites to the special advance screening of NIM’S ISLAND starring Jodie Foster, Abigail Breslin, and Gerard Butler? Simple. Just key in “XFM Nim’s Island (Your Name)” and send to 0920.923.5639. Screening happens Tuesday, April 8 at Powerplant Mall Cinema 3. Limited tickets are available so hurry! If you’re lucky, you’ll receive a confirmation message. Save this message and show it on the premiere night to receive your invites. There will also be reserved seats for you. For details click here.





BODY OF CHRIST…

28 03 2008

null Cruz and the Holy Communion

Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Oscar Cruz said the other day, “public sinners” should not be given the Holy Sacrament of Communion including, he said, President Arroyo. Sought for her reaction, the president allegedly promised that from this day on she will just commit sins… in private.

Cruz and the Holy Communion II

Archbishop Oscar Cruz denied telling in a forum Wednesday that he would not give communion to President Arroyo and explained that the media misinterpreted his statement… something that’s not exactly surprising considering that Cruz and the local media are on the same side of the fence.

null Communist Directive

On the eve of its armed wing’s 39th anniversary, the Communist Party of the Philippines ordered the New People’s Army’s to “increase the number of guerrilla fronts from the current level of 120-130 to 173, to cover all congressional districts in the provinces.” And in case it fails, the CPP will just try to cover all congressional districts through the party-list elections.

null Brian Gorrell’s Blog

ABS-CBN News Online posted an article today on the controversial blog of Australian swindling victim Brian Gorrell. The title of the article is: “Online libel: Aussie blogger’s victims are helpless” The Lopez network calls it “news,” Brian’s readers call it “damage control.”

Brian Gorrell’s Blog II

ABS-CBN News posted an article today on the controversial blog of Australian swindling victim Brian Gorrell. The article is titled, “Online libel: Aussie blogger’s victims helpless”
The Gucci Gang? Helpless victims? Wait… I’ll have to check if ABS-CBN News Online has turned into a humor blog.

Enjoy your weekend!








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