THE EPAL QUIZ IV

19 09 2012

IT WILL NEVER be an easy task. We’re up against a culture of shameless self-promotion involving influential and powerful personalities. But as recent developments have shown, impossible is nothing. Some people say the anti-epal campaign is just a fad. Let’s prove them wrong.

Here’s Part 4 of our series of ‘epal’ quizzes. Pencils up… good luck!


1: Mula sa lalawigan ng Camarines Sur, ano ang kinalaman ng mag-amang nasa larawan sa libreng pagpapaanak?
A: Personal savings nila ang ginamit sa proyekto; palakpak naman kayo!
B: Sila ang automatic na ninong ng mga sanggol na isisilang
C: ‘Yong nasa kanan, eksperto sa raspa; ‘yong nasa kaliwa naman, may background sa panghihilot


2: Sa Antipolo City, may medal ang mahuhusay na estudyante. Salamat kay Mayor Nilo Leyble! Ano kaya ang ginawa ng honor student pag-uwi sa bahay?
A: Sumuka. Hindi kinaya ang nakita niyang pangalan at mukha sa medalya.
B: Tinangkang isangla ang medal pero walang pawnshop na tumanggap.
C: Lumuhod sa harap ng altar at naglabas ng sama ng loob: “Lord, nag-aral naman akong mabuti. Pero bakit ito pa ang inyong iginanti?


3: Bakit may pangalan ng alkalde ng Quezon City sa government-owned truck?
A: May space eh, sayang naman. Minaximize na lang.
B: Alangan namang pangalan mo ang ilagay. Mayor ka ba?
C: Inggit ka? Bumili ka rin ng truck!


4: “Road Drainage Improvement” Basahin ang huling linyang nakasulat sa karatula. Ang sabi: “Buwis na Binayaran, Para Sa…”
A: Malaking pangalan!
B: Malinaw na kaepalan.
C: Wala akong pakialam. Ang gusto kong malaman, nasaan ang drainage project? Nasaaannn!!!!


5: “TWO HUNDRED PESOS ONLY Serbisyong Suarez Health Coupon: Lingap Kalusugan Para sa Quezonian.” May gusto kang malaman?
A: Para sa kalusugan ba ‘yan o para sa halalan?
B: Two hundred pesos? Hanggang saan aabot ang 200 pesos?
C: May discount ba sa drug store kapag ipinakita ang mukha ni Governor?


6: Wow, bagong pintura ang waiting shed. Anong say mo?
A: Wala na akong masabi! Umeepal pati kapre!
B: Grabeng accomplishment naman ‘yan. At take note: ipinangangalandakan! Hiyang-hiya naman kami sa inyo.
C: Nakikibasa ka lang! Kung ayaw mong sumilong, magtiis ka sa ulan!


7: Ano ang reaksyon mo sa ipinamahaging relief goods ni Valenzuela City Councilor Adrian Dapat?
A: Wow! Ano ‘yan? Bagong brand? Available pa kaya sa market?
B: Pwedeng kumanta na lang? 1, 2, 3! Mula asukal hanggang toyo, saan ka man may sardinas tayo. Isang libo’t isang tuwa, Valenzuela, na-bulaga!
C: ‘Buti na lang hindi sanitary napkin ang ipinamigay n’ya. Imagine, gagamitin ni Ate ang pasador ‘tapos nandun ang mukha niya?! Awkward.


8: Titigan ang pader: Nababasa n’yo ba ang pangalan nina Parañaque COUNCILOR – B E N J O – B E R N A B E at M A Y O R – JUN – B E R N A B E?
A: ‘Asan? ‘Asan ang mga pangalan? Meron ba? Wala akong makita.
B: Aping-api naman ‘yong dalawa. Sana nilakihan nang konti para mabasa.
C: Naman! Kahit yata sa ibang planeta o sa kalawakan, visible pa rin ‘yang kaepalan na ’yan.


9: Basahin muna ang nakasulat sa streamer. Ano ang nararapat na caption sa larawan?
A: Patay tayo d’yan!
B: Nagdadalamhati o Nagpapa-pogi?
C: Kasama n’yo kami sa kalungkutan; samahan n’yo kami sa halalan.


10: Kuha sa Angeles City, Pampanga. “Boses ng kababaihan.” What say you?
A: Boses ng kababaihan o boses ng kaepalan?
B: Faceless pa, shameless na!
C:Let’s play Pinoy Henyo! Tao ba ‘to? OO! Pulitiko? Pwede! Babae? OO! Babaeng pulitiko? OO! Epal? Tumpakerkerz!!! (Kayo ang pasok sa jackpot round!)

Quote of the Day
“Wouldn’t it be good if the energy & effort spent in going after epal streamers were equally spent in highlighting good works? Dont’t get me wrong, I’m for the anti-epal movement & am happy that it has caught on. I just think there are other aspects to citizen vigilance.”
~Customs Commissioner Ruffy Biazon

IN OTHER NEWS…
The latest SWS survey showed 7 of 10 traders see less corruption in government offices. The other 3 were more realistic.

Trillanes vs. Enrile
Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile and Senator Antonio Trillanes had a heated debate Wednesday afternoon on the latter’s role as a backdoor negotiator of the Philippines with China. Trillanes called Enrile, “a bully.” Enrile called Trillanes “a fraud.” Beijing called and said, “Great!”

Nueva Camarines
Sen. Antonio Trillanes accused Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile of exerting efforts to railroad a proposed bill that will divide the province of Camarines Sur after allegedly receiving a call from former President Arroyo who was supportive of the measure. And Mrs. Arroyo was like, “Shabi na nga ba ako na naman eh. Buti na lang i have braced myshelf up for this messsh.”

Fliptop Battle Special Edition: Enrile vs. Trillanes
Juan Ponce Enrile:

Ang dami mong satsat, ang dami mong yakyak
Kapag nasukol naman, umuurong ang bayag
Noong una sa Oakwood, ngayon naman sa Senado
Walkout ang drama mo boy, iwas-pusoy sa argumento!

Antonio Trillanes IV:
Manahimik ka d’yan tanda baka ‘di ako makapagpigil
FYI: walang walkout; kailangan ko lang juminggle
Umamin ka na kasi, nag-usap kayo ni Arroyo
Kahit kailan balimbing ka, diretso ka sa impyerno!

Enrile:
Dahan-dahan ka boy sa iyong pananalita
May gatas ka pa sa labi, meron ka pang muta
Ano ‘to, coup d’etat sa Senate presidency?
Baka mapahiya ka lang, wala kang kakampi!

Trillanes:
Ah leche, basta… no to Cam Sur 2!
Ito ang usapin, ‘wag mong iligaw ang isyu.

Enrile:
Takot ka lang boy ‘pag China ang paksa
Bobo ka kasi, binenta mo ang bansa!

Trillanes:
Break it down!

Enrile:
O, walkout ka na naman!

Trillanes:
Break it down!!

Enrile:
Fraud!

Trillanes:
Break it down!!!

Enrile:
Coward!

Trillanes:
Ah ganun?! Fake 1972 ambush!
1980s coup d’etat!
May 1995 dagdag-bawas pa!

Enrile:
Fine!
Break it down!
————————————————————
“Hypocrites get offended by the truth.”
~Jess C. Scott, Bad Romance: Seven Deadly Sins Anthology

Enjoy the rest of the week!

Personal:
Many thanks again to the following for the images used here: Epal Watch, TaoPo.Org, Epal Alert on Facebook, Simpleng Garapal,  @oehreyes, Dr. John Ortiz Teope, Support Anti-Epal on Facebook, Linkyuu Sho Mai, Mai Urduja, Rommel Tiongco, Maki Nito, and Jonathan Jingco Cayanan

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





JEOPARDY!

19 02 2011


ARE YOU FAMILIAR with Jeopardy? It’s the American quiz show with a “unique answer-and-question format.” Players are given clues in the form of answers, and they must phrase their responses in question form.

Here’s an example:
EMPLOYERS for $1200
Answer: It offers a salary of only P30,000 per month but after five years, you get to earn a total of 740 million pesos!
“What is… the AFP?” | #maytamaka! #ligot

The following were lifted from a recent episode of “Jeopardy! Riddles Edition!” where thousands of dollars were given away to a set of Filipino contestants. [Opo, merong gano'n. 'Wag n'yo nang itanong kung saan.] Enjoy!

FARM VILLE for $1400
Answer: Mukhang tao, tunog veggie, may padulas from AFP!
“Who is… Pichay?” | #kureeeeek! #AFPslushfund

WOMEN IN GOVERNMENT for $1000
Answer: Hanap ay pruweba, gusto ay ebidensya; opposite ni Heidi Mendoza, kakampi ni Carlos F. Garcia!
“Who is… the Ombudsman?”
Please be specific.
‘Who is… Merceditas Gutierrez?” | #mismo!

“PAN”THOM for $400
Answer: Pa’no makikita itong taong ito, kung ang paghahanap ay isang Moro-moro!
“Who is… PANfilo Lacson?” | #siyananga!

RICH KIDS for $600
Answer: Hindi hari, hindi pari, luxury cars ay sari-sari.
“Who is… the President?” | #taaamah!

“J” WALKING for $800
Answer: Kuwarenta’y kuwatro lang nang maluklok sa Makati, inabot na ng setenta, kanya pa rin ang torre.
“Who is… Jejomar Binay?” | #ofcourse

THE CABINET for $1600
Answer: Tatlong ulo isang katawan, palihim na nagkakagatan.
“What is… the Presidential Communications Group?” | #aminin!

PAPA “P” for $200
Answer: Ginaya si Bruce Lee, naging Justin Bieber, Lito Camo-clone forever.
“Who is… Pacquiao?” | #unasalahatsalamatsapanginuunsasupurta #akoNaNga!

KATA-QUOTE for $400
Answer: “Sa ikauunlad ng bayan, malaking populasyon ang kailangan!”
“What is… the CBCP?” | #amen!

PBA for $1600
Answer: Hindi liga, hindi basketball, sa Ombudsman dala’y trouble.
“What is… plea bargain agreement.” | #yunNa!

BAD WORDS for $500
Answer: Nang magalit si Mar sa ChaCha, umalingawngaw ito sa Ayala.
“What is… ‘Puuuut*ng-i*a! Ano ba ‘to!” | #patayTAYOjan

“G” SPOT for $800
Answer: Nang mawala ang immunity bilang pangulo, ginamit na pananggalang mga ka-distrito!
“Who… is Gloria?” | #whoelse?!

POWERFUL for $300
Answer: Nakalusot sa NAIA dala niyang droga. How did that happen? Nagtaka ka pa!
“Who is… Cong. Ronald Singson?” | #true!

TOURISTS for $1400
Answer: Travel expenses ay lumolobo, nasa selda man ang sundalo.
“Who is… Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV in detention?” | #taaama!

AND FINALLY…
PLASTICS for $100
Answer: Naglaho ang reaksyon sa mukha ni Asuncion dahil kay Vicki Belo at sa kanyang injection.
“Who are… Gretchen Barretto, and other celebrities na nasobrahan sa Botox?” | #ouch!

ODD TALENTS for $1600
Answer: Horror man o drama, comedy o aksyon, consistent ang pagganap, iisa’ng emosyon!
‘Who is… Kris Aquino?” | #Pilipinas,maytamaka!
———————————-
“There are no foolish questions, and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.”
~Charles Proteus Steinmetz

Reposting my tweet from last night…
“Dear Mr. Chinese President: Kung gusto po ninyo, ‘yong tatlong Pinoy na nasa death row, papalitan namin ng tatlong heneral plus eight houses in the US. Deal?”

At nagreply daw ang Chinese President: “Kayo gusto palit tatlo Pinoys with tatlo generals plus 8 houses? Aglee ako d’yan pero sa isa kondisyon: puwede ba sama Mrs Ligot? S’ya fascinating! S’ya husay real estate.”


Survey Says
Sang-ayon ka bang dapat ihimlay sa Libingan ng mga Bayani ang bangkay ni dating pangulong Ferdinand Marcos?
Oo, panahon na! 28.76%
Hindi! Hindi siya bayani! 58.19%
Pag-iisipan ko pa. 13.05%

Elsewhere
Asian Wall Street Journal: Single Asian President Seeks Soul Mate for Very Public Romance

Personal
From my Palanca Award-winning friend Layeta Bucoy (ikaw na!):
Nicolas Pichay’s “3-N-1/ 10-10-10:Writing-on-Site Workshop for Stage, TV, and Film
This workshop has limited available slots. Interested parties are encouraged to immediately submit a letter of intent to marcelohdelpilar@yahoo.com (Re: 3-N-1/ 10-10-10). Only for purposes of diagnostics, each participant is encouraged to submit with the letter a soft copy of a previously written stage, tv or film script (not necessarily produced). For inquiries: 7824454.

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Have a great weekend! Go West! #NBA All Stars





V DAY

13 02 2011


Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Just so you know, President Aquino is a certified member of SMV: $amahan ng Mamahalin ang Vehicle$.

Rumors say President Aquino wants a palm plant on Valentine’s Day. Wanna know why? ‘Coz that’s the only sure way he could get a date.

This just in! The President has decided to change his relationship status on Facebook: from “Single,” to “So what?!”

On Valentine’s Day, the president’s youngest sister Kris is celebrating her 40th birthday. Kaya sa ating lahat… ingat!

Singlehood
101 Answers to the Question: Why are you still single? Right click to read it here.


Mubarak Resigns
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has stepped down as leader of Egypt. He left the presidential palace together with his weeping wife and children on a boat via the Nile River.

Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak resigned as president and handed control to the Armed Forces. Following the transfer of power, Egypt’s military generals were each given 50,000 Egyptian pounds as ‘pasalubong.’

Hosni Mubarak is no longer president of Egypt. His critics are now demanding the creation of a Truth Commission.


People power has forced Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak out of Cairo. In six years, expect former First Lady Suzanne Mubarak to seek the presidency of Egypt.

Hosni Mubarak stepped down as president of Egypt, and left Cairo around 12:15 AM on Saturday, Manila time. Minutes later, the Marcoses were on Twitter playing “Senti Sabado.”

Egyptians partied all night as they hailed the resignation of President Hosni Mubarak. Halfway through the celebration, the Black Eyed Peas performed.

Hosni Mubarak has resigned as leader of Egypt after 30 years in power. Asked how he felt for Mubarak, Vice President Jejomar Binay said “I don’t know. We’ve only been in power for 24 years!”

Less than a day after telling Egyptians he was not stepping down, Hosni Mubarak changed his mind and left the presidential Abdeen Palace in Old Cairo. He is now living an ordinary life at No. 1 Polk Street, Sharm el-Sheikh City, Egypt.

Trillanes Flip-flops
Last February 1, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV categorically stated in front of journalists that former Defense Sec. Angelo Reyes was the “powerful man” behind former military comptroller Carlos F. Garcia. Nine days later, he had an apparent change of mind and claimed it wasn’t Reyes after all. Geez, who do you think are? Hosni Mubarak?

Nine days after telling the whole world that former Defense Sec. Angelo Reyes was the “powerful man” behind retired Major. General Carlos F. Garcia, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV flip-flopped and stated it wasn’t Reyes but someone else. Nine days from now, Trillanes is expected to reverse himself and say that Reyes has, in fact a reputation to protect.

Rich and Ugly
To marry a non-handsome but rich guy: this was the response of 57 percent of Filipino women surveyed by the Social Weather Stations. Liz Uy wasn’t one of them.

According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 51 percent of Filipinos prefer someone who is rich though ugly. They were described as ‘practical.’ The remaining 49 percent was ‘choosy.’
—————————-
“It’s better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones!” – Author Unknown

“Did he really say that?” Moment
“Maganda pero boba! Alam mo kung bakit? Magha-hire ako ng tutor. Ipasok mo sa eskwela. Pag-aralin mo. Natututunan naman ‘yan eh. Kesa naman pangit, araw-araw pag gising mo sa umaga ‘yung mukhang pangit [ang makikita mo]. Iiwan mo rin ‘yun balang araw.”
~ABS-CBN news anchor Julius Babao

Survey Says
Interesado ka na ba ngayon sa football? Manonood ka na ba ng larong ito?
– OO naman. Matagal na. 41.25%
– Hindi pa rin. Wala akong kainte-interes d’yan. 25.31%
– If only for the Azkals, why not? 33.44%

Elsewhere
ABS-CBN News: Robles: Malacañang knew it wasn’t Reyes but did nothing

Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism: The final words of Angelo Reyes

William Esposo (Philippine Star): Haunted by the ghost of Angie Reyes

Newsbreak: The troubled times of Angie Reyes

Manila Standard Today: Tañada vs. Tañada


More Personal
Monday.
Undercard: Heat vs. Boston. #beattheheat
Main Event: Lakers vs. Magic #beattheheat pa rin!
Let’s go Lakers!

Wala Lang
“Oo, inaamin ko, saging lang kami. Pero maghanap ka ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso! Saging lang ang may puso!” – Mark Lapid, “Apoy sa Dibdib ng Samar”

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AZKALS… KAYO NA!

10 02 2011

THE PHILIPPINE FOOTBALL TEAM defeated Mongolia, 2-0 in the first leg of their 2012 Asian Football Confederation Challenge Cup pre-qualifying match in Bacolod City. It was all Azkals from start to finish. German coach Hans Michael Weiss described it as “a good game.” Goalkeeper Neil Etheridge described it as “my rest day.”


The national football team paid a courtesy call on President Aquino Thursday. The meeting was fun and informative. The President advised the young Azkals on how to enhance team unity. And the Azkals advised the President on how to ‘achieve’ goals.

The Azkals paid a courtesy call on President Aquino Thursday. When the energetic Azkals arrived, the President cheered, the PSG applauded, and the President’s speechwriter Mai Mislang fainted.

The Philippine football team paid a courtesy call on President Aquino. Upon entering the palace, the youthful Azkals felt so Filipino… while the President felt like a lolo.

The Azkals’ goalkeeper, Fil-Brit Neil Etheridge and President Aquino had a chance to talk Thursday in Malacañang. It was a brief conversation between a single and popular boylet, and Neil Etheridge. #walangkokontra

Reluctant
Reports say President Aquino may not visit the wake of former AFP Chief of Staff Angelo Reyes saying, “We were never close.” When Kris Aquino heard this, she said, “Kapatid nga kita! Aha-ha-ha”

Now Welcome
Mrs. Teresita Reyes, wife of former AFP Chief of Staff Angelo Reyes says critics of her husband including the acerbic Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV are now welcome to his wake. By the way, Trillanes, according to rumors, has also softened his stance on Reyes. He’s now willing to hear him talk.


Underground River
President Aquino is encouraging Filipinos to support the campaign to make the underground river in Palawan one of the world’s New Seven Wonders of Nature. The President visited Puerto Princesa City Wednesday. Asked why he chose to visit the subterranean river, the President said, “We are close.”

Dominguez Arrested
Authorities have arrested suspected carjack ringleader Roger Dominguez. Of course, Dominguez would still be “out there” if he was a senator.

NBI Inmates Escape
Two inmates have escaped from an NBI detention cell in Manila by covering with a face towel the CCTV camera installed at the back of the facility. Frustrated NBI officers are filing obstruction of justice against the towel.

Hi-Tech Confession
Reports say there’s a new iPhone and iPad application that would help Roman Catholics prepare for a confession. The new app costs $1.99 – one dollar for Apple, 99 cents for the Church. Amen!

Overseas…
In the southeast African nation of Malawi, somebody has proposed an Anti-Farting Bill. And everyone was like, “Sa Malawi na nakatira si Lito Lapid??!!?”

Phil si Angel
Via Twitter, Azkal Phil Younghusband has invited actress Angel Locsin for a Valentine’s Day date. Expect Luis Manzano to admit his romance with Angel this coming Sunday on The Buzz.
————————————-
“All of civility depends on being able to contain the rage of individuals.”
~ Joshua Lederberg

Briefly Noted
Is that your final answer Mr. Senator? O, magbabago pa ang utak mo two weeks from now?

Survey Says
Dapat bang isisi sa banat ng mga kritiko ni Secretary Angelo Reyes ang kanyang pagpapakamatay?
– Oo. 14.29%
– Hindi. 73.1%
– Medyo. 12.62%

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Personal
Friday. LA Lakers vs. some green team from the east.
Let’s go Lakers!





TOO BIG A PROBLEM?

22 07 2010


PRESIDENT NOYNOY AQUINO has met with his Cabinet twice to discuss his State of the Nation Address on Monday. Do you still remember his “walang wangwang, walang tong, walang counterflow” statement during his inaugural? Well, rumors say there will be similar declarations in his SONA, e.g. “Walang kaso (Trillanes), walang hinto (media killings), walang tubig.”

Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa says President Aquino will not use any gimmicks in his SONA, unlike former President Arroyo, who used three poor children to dramatize the problems of the country. Instead, Aquino’s SONA will be more optimistic. To underscore the importance of hardwork and loyalty, he’ll use the four Abads in government.

Unconfirmed reports say the president will deliver a 25-minute speech. The first half of the speech will be drafted by the pro-Binay faction of the Communications Group; the second half by the pro-LP/Hyatt 10 faction.

Another unconfirmed report says Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will skip Monday’s State of the Nation Address. She’s tired of listening to other people telling her about her life story.

Of course, Jose Maria Sison’s minions in the Extreme Left will be holding a protest rally on Monday. They are expected to burn effigies… of Etta Rosales.

Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa says President Aquino won’t have any gimmicks in his SONA. Actually, Noynoy initially considered using three poor children and a “bangkang papel.” May nakita na siyang tatlong bata; meron na ring bangka. Ang problema, walang tubiiiig!


What Crisis?
Location: Metro Manila. People fighting one another for a pail of water; angry mob busting water pipes; schools suspending classes, and establishments shutting down operations. All these and yet, palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda insists there is no water crisis. So anong meron tayo? Leadership crisis?

Thousands of residents in the metro’s western zone have become desperate for water. They are now asking the Church to issue an Oratio Imperata Ad Petendam Pluviam or Obligatory Prayer to Request for Rain. If it fails, they’ll be asking President Aquino to party with the Malacañang Press Corps and sing two songs again.

Light Bites
(Warning: Corny. Read at your own risk.)
Q: Saan kumukuha ng tubig ang mga mahihirap, mga api, at ang mga underprivileged?
A: Eh ‘di… sa Wawa Dam.

You know there’s a serious water crisis when…
a member of the Abad family uses the toilet but you only hear the “flush sound” after the fourth member of the family is done with his/her thing;
Chiz Escudero and Paquito Ochoa ask for water, and Korina Sanchez gives them poison, and,
former president Gloria Arroyo gets thirsty, and she starts drinking from a ‘leak’ of her own (Eew!).

Brain Drain
PAGASA Deputy Administrator Nathaniel Servando reveals 24 of the top weather forecasters and engineers have left PAGASA in the past 6-10 years for higher-paying jobs abroad. Overseas, they get an equivalent of 150 to 200 thousand pesos per month, and other incentives. Here, they get around 20 to 37 thousand per month, and a president’s invective.

Flash Report!
Isang weather disturbance, palapit nang palapit!
Mga weather forecasters, palayo nang palayo!

Trillanes’ Request Junked
The Makati City RTC has junked the motion for temporary release filed by detained senator Antonio Trillanes so he could attend the inaugural session of the 15th Congress. The court’s decision was a huge setback for Trillanes, his supporters, and Francis Pangilinan.

Sharon’s Gripe
Actress Sharon Cuneta said she felt as if she was stabbed after her husband Francis Pangilinan’s bid for the Senate presidency was rejected by other senators including her uncle, Sen. Vicente ‘Tito’ Sotto. But Sotto was unfazed by Sharon’s gripe saying, “Even if she’s stabbed several times, I’m sure, hindi aabot sa kanyang laman ‘yon.”

Asked why he’s supporting Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile, Sotto explained, “Gusto ko happy siya!”
————————-
“A man has no more character than he can command in a time of crisis.”
~ Ralph W. Sockman

Survey Says
What do you think of the four Abads in government?
– They are qualified. What’s your problem?!? 26%
– Weather-weather lang ‘yan. 69%
– Wala akong pakialam. 5%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Nakikisimpatya at nakikiisa ako kina Mang Zosimo, ang pedicab driver at Aling Budang, ang maliit na tindera ng puto’t kutsinta sa palengke sa kanilang pagtutol sa plano ng pamahalaang Aquino na sila ay buwisan. Bago n’yo habulin ang mga Pinoy na kayod-kalabaw, habulin n’yo muna ang mga asal-halimaw katulad ng mga opisyal ng Makati City Hall na may utang na 1.2 billion pesos sa BIR. Kailan n’yo sila sisingilin, kapag presidente na si Binay, at senador na si Junjun, at alkalde na ang kanyang apo? Bakit natahimik ang kaso laban sa IMBOA president na si Claire De La Fuente na hindi nagbayad ng 417 million pesos na buwis? Napakaraming dapat habulin, ‘yung maliliit ang inyong iipitin? Ginagalit n’yo ko ah!





1-ON-1

17 02 2010

FEBRUARY 17, Ash Wednesday marks the first day of Lent. So don’t be surprised at Napocor’s announcement that power rates are set to soar. Simula na ng Mahal na Araw.

One on One
Have you heard of the planned face-off between presidential candidates Noynoy Aquino and Manny Villar? The Liberal Party and the Nacionalista Party refer to it as a debate. I call it trending.

Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. has accepted Sen. Noynoy Aquino’s challenge for a one on one debate. However, the two parties couldn’t agree on the venue for the planned showdown. Noynoy wants to do it at SCTEx; Villar prefers C-5 Road.

Sen. Noynoy Aquino has dared Sen. Manuel Villar to a one on one debate. Villar accepted the challenge and asked Noynoy to “name the place, name the time, and I will be there” – to which Gilbert Remulla, Adel Tamano and Alan Peter Cayetano chorused, “Ows? Promise?!?”

Sen. Jamby Madrigal has also expressed interest in joining the highly anticipated debate. The lady senator reiterates she’s ready to debate anytime with anybody… except for Judy Ann Santos.

Noynoy Cries ‘Bias’
Sen. Noynoy Aquino accuses debate moderator, journalist Antonio Lopez of bias for Sen. Manny Villar during Tuesday’s presidential forum organized by the Philippine Chamber of Commerce and Industry. An awkward moment ensued when an annoyed Noynoy asked Lopez, “Who do you think you are, Ted Failon?”

Top 5 Signs that Moderator Antonio Lopez Was Biased Against Noynoy Aquino During Tuesday’s Presidential Forum

No. 5: While Villar was answering a question, Lopez interrupted him twice and said, “That’s right!” and “Exactly!” While Noynoy was answering a question, Lopez interrupted him twice and said, “Yeah right!” and “Whateverrrr, bitch!”

No. 4: After asking a question, Lopez would inform Noynoy, “You have two minutes to answer.” After asking a question, Lopez would inform Villar, “Take your time and think of an answer.”

No. 3: During his opening, Lopez introduced Villar as “the next president” and introduced Noynoy, as “the next rap star.”

No. 2: During his closing, Lopez praised Villar for his humility; applauded Gordon for his honesty; commended Gibô for his wits, and envied Noynoy for his new Berluti shoes.

And the No. 1 sign that PCCI forum moderator Antonio Lopez was biased against Noynoy…

Whenever Noynoy has answered a question, Lopez would ask the crowd, “Naniniwala ba kayo?” And whenever Villar has answered a question, Lopez would ask them, “Wala ba kayong mga kamay?”

In Other News…
Trillanes Can Post Bail

A Makati City judge has granted the request of detained senator Antonio Trillanes for temporary liberty. No wonder, security has been heightened at The Manila Peninsula.

DOH and Condoms
Volunteer health workers from the Department of Health distributed free condoms last Valentine’s Day weekend. Despite criticisms from Catholic bishops, the health workers continued to give away free condoms last Monday… until they were abducted by military men and brought to a safe house in Morong, Rizal.

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang iyong magiging reaksyon kapag nakasalubong mo siya at inabutan ka niya ng kanyang infamous bracelet?
A: “So, ito pala! Ito pala ‘yung ‘pinamudmod mo noong libing ni Tita Cory?”
B: (Sings) “Si Villar ang tunay na mahirap. Si Villar ang tunay na may malasakit!”
C: “How sweet of you madam! Matutuwa si Brownie. May bago na naman siyang toy.”
D: “Hindi ako kumakain ng bracelet! I’m a vegetarian.”
_____________
“A politician’s goal is always to manipulate public debate. I think there are some politicians with higher goals. But all of them get corrupted by power.”
~Dean Koontz

Survey Says
Should celebrity endorsers (including actors & mass media personalities) take a leave from work during the campaign period?
DAPAT LANG. 47%
HINDI NA KAILANGAN. 39%
I DON’T CARE. 14%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





OBAMA MANIA

25 01 2009

Local Obama
Last November, supporters of Jejomar Binay hailed the Makati City mayor as the Philippines’ Barack Obama. Last week though, deposed president Joseph Estrada’s spokesperson Margaux Salcedo said, “If there is anybody who we can call Barack Obama of the Philippines, it would [be] former President Estrada.” I think Salcedo was being humble though. Erap actually has the complete package: Obama’s charisma, Clinton’s sex appeal, and of course, Bush’s brains.

Supporters of Jojo Binay say he is this country’s Barack Obama, and Erap’s spokesperson believes the ex-president is the Philippines’ Barack Obama. Asked if she could also be our own Obama, presidential contender, Loren Legarda said, “I don’t know. Basta ang alam ko, I used to be married to a Dick Cheney.”

Take Two
Barack Obama had to take his oath of office twice because of a mistake committed by US Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts during the inauguration. Some people are making a big fuss out of Roberts’ flub. But you know what? That’s really nothing. Roberts only got the words wrong; Hilario Davide got the wrong president.

Recorded
A classical performance by four acclaimed musicians: cellist Yo-Yo Ma, violinist Itzhak Perlman, pianist Gabriella Montero, and clarinetist Anthony McGill during the Obama inauguration turned out to be pre-recorded. Carole Florman, a spokeswoman for the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies, said the weather was too cold for the instruments to stay in tune. Irate fans believe Yo-Yo Ma’s Chinese parents had a hand in the “fake performance.”

Trillanes’ Expenses
A Commission on Audit report obtained by the Philippine Star showed that detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than half a million pesos for travel in the six months after his election in 2007. That was really surprising because the last time we all saw him out of jail, he was making his way on foot from Makati City Hall to The Manila Peninsula. Where is the travel expense in that?

According to the Commission on Audit, detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than half a million pesos for travel in the six months after his election in 2007. Visibly surprised by the COA report, new age guru Jaime Licauco said, “While it’s always possible for the senator to do astral travel, there was absolutely no need for him to spend a single centavo for that.”

Ateneo Turns 150
Ateneo De Manila University kicked off the celebration of its sesquicentennial or 150th year last week. Yup, Ateneo is 150 years old, and it shows! Then, they had the likes of Jose Rizal, Juan Luna, and Gregorio Del Pilar; today, you have the Jocelyn Bolantes, the Jose Miguel Arroyos, the Celso de los Angeleses, and the Jinggoys and Joseph Estradas.

Palparan’s Return?
Malacañang is considering former retired military general Jovito Palparan for a post in the Dangerous Drugs Board. Sought for a reaction on his impending appointment, Palparan said, “I hate Reds, alam n’yo ‘yan. Kaya ‘yong mapupula ang mata d’yan, magbago na kayo! Or else…”

The Vatican Online
You’ve probably heard about this. Pope Benedict XVI has launched his own YouTube Channel. The site is expected to become the second favorite among Catholic priests… next only to the YouTube channel of the Jonas Brothers.

below Again, Belo
Brokenhearted and still hurting from her break up with the 28-year-young Hayden Kho, 53-year-old cosmetic surgery expert Vicki Belo is reportedly spending some time alone overseas to “soul search.” But considering the extent of what she has done to her whole body, I wonder if there’s still a “soul” out there who’s willing to take it.

Record-Breakers
A 39-year-old Thai woman established a new world record by spending 33 days with 5000 scorpions. Back here, a Batasan Complex security guard is trying to establish his own record by mingling and spending three years with 238 crocodiles.

Personal esposo
I’d like to thank Philippine Star columnist William Esposo a.k.a. Chair Wrecker for the flattering write up on “The Professional Heckler” today January 25, 2009.

Survey Says…
What local news program do you prefer?
News on Q: 26%
24 Oras: 24%
TV Patrol: 17%
Newswatch: 11%
Bandila: 8 %
News Central: 5%
T.E.N.: 4%
Saksi: 2%
Others: 3%

We have a new survey. Vote now.

__________
“Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people.”
~Nido Qubein





BIG SPENDERS

16 01 2009


Geez, Geese!
A US Airways jetliner crashed into New York’s Hudson River after a collision with a flock of birds. Sought for a reaction, outgoing US President George W. Bush said he knew that Al Qaeda had been training geese as a weapon of mass destruction.

War on Drugs
Remember my previous post about President Arroyo appointing herself as the government’s anti-drug czar? She said the fight against illegal drugs would be waged from three fronts: law enforcement, judicial action and policymaking. Of course, her job against drug traffickers and drug dealers would be a lot easier… if she starts with the abolition of the DOJ.

Can you believe it? Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales had said that Major Ferdinand Marcelino’s (yeah, that honest witness) participation in the operations of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency was “unconstitutional.” Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new lawyer for the Alabang Boys!

3422ed67c2 Senate’s Biggest Spenders
According to the Commission on Audit, senators Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada, and Lito Lapid were among the Senate’s three biggest spenders for the year 2007. The actors spent nearly 47 million pesos that year! But you know what’s more surprising about the COA report? Revilla, Jinggoy, and Lapid were senators! Yeah they are. Amazing!

Now hear this. Detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than 8 million pesos in six months alone. If you double that amount to simulate a 12-month service, the Oakwood mutineer would be spending more than 16 million pesos making him the biggest spending legislator in the Senate ever. And he’s not even an actor!

The Commission on Audit reported that Sen. Manny Villar is one of thriftiest senators in 2007. Senators Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal refused to believe the ranking and instructed COA auditors to verify its report just to make sure there was no double entry under the name “Manuel Villar.”

Senator Joker Arroyo is the most frugal member of the Senate. He is also proud of his perfect attendance as a lawmaker for 17 straight years… to which Sen. Lito Lapid said,”Wala ‘yan! Bakit? Kaya ba niya ang five straight years na laging tulog sa session?”

leviste Leviste Guilty
Former Batangas governor Jose Antonio Leviste has been sentenced to 12 years in prison for shooting dead his long-time aide. When his ex-wife Loren Legarda heard the news, she said, “Tama ang manghuhula! This is my year!”

After his sentencing, former Batangas governor Tony Leviste told the media, “I am innocent.” That was the exact same line uttered by Loren Legarda when her marriage to Leviste collapsed.

For killing his long-time aide Rafael De Las Alas in January 2007, former Batangas governor Jose Antonio Leviste – father of famous athlete Toni Leviste has been sentenced to 12 years in prison. Excited inmates at the Makati City Jail couldn’t wait to play “equestrian” with him.

3422ed67c1 De La Paz’ Golf Shares
Businessman Delfin de la Paz is selling his shares at the Valley Golf and Country Club following his expulsion. Prospective buyers must have knowledge of karate, aikido, or any form of self-defense.

Survey Says…
Here’s the result of our survey: Who’s the most annoying?
Mikey Arroyo – 40%
Jinggoy Estrada – 28%
Kris Aquino – 28%
Others – 4%

Funny. One respondent even answered: Niñez Cacho-Olivarez of the Daily Tribune. Another, Willie Revillame.

We have a new survey. Vote now!

Personal
Thanks to everyone who sent their greetings. One of my birthday wishes has also been granted: Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. Have a great weekend!

_____________
“You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.”
~ Abraham Lincoln





RELAX, SEE A MOVIE

21 10 2008

Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be 2

20: ex-Sen. Ramon Revilla Sr.: Staying Alive

19: Vicki Belo & Ellen Lising: House of Wax

18: DOJ Sec. Raul Gonzales: The Jerk

17: Sen. Antonio Trillanes: Chasing Liberty

16: Tim Yap/DJ Montano: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

15: Mrs. Rose Flaminiano: Super Size Me

14: The Gucci Gang with the special participation of Ms. Nora Aunor: Romancing the Stone

13: Shell, Petron, and Caltex: Liar Liar

12: ABS-CBN News’ Maria Ressa: The Punisher

11: Nadia Montenegro: Grease

10: Doña Mary Ejercito: 10,000 BC

9: Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada: The Man Who Knew Too Much

8: Sen. Lito Lapid: Artificial Intelligence

7: ex-Sen. John Osmeña: Girl, Interrupted

6: (tie) MILF’s Kumander Bravo and Umbra Kato: Psycho and Jose “Joey” De Venecia III: V for Vendetta

5: Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal: Sister Act

4: Sen. Manuel Villar: Two for the Road

3: Sens. Loren Legarda & Edgardo Angara: An Inconvenient Truth

2: Claudio Teehankee Jr.: While You Were Sleeping

And the No. 1 movie casting choice that was meant to be…

1: Sen. Francis Pangilinan: Unfaithful

See also The Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be








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