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3 11 2011

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQgVtx7AaGH5VdMOYiBeB00bUZW0mtu6HaMqfpkh4iJSXDfvJLH3QTHE ALL SAINTS DAY break is over. The Christmas Season is officially here. In fact, the Alex Boncayao Brigade is getting their cash gift soon!

But first, this: there’s absolutely no truth to rumors that former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. is the father of the 7 billionth baby born on October 31.

Seventy-Two
Portia Ilagan, the spokesman of the Revilla family said Ramon Revilla Sr. fathered at least 72 children. Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile believes it could have been more had Revilla not “aborted” sperm cells.

Ramon Revilla Sr. has fathered 72 children with 16 different women… officially making Mang Dolphy Quizon a saint.

Former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. was not able to attend Wednesday’s funeral of his murdered son Ram. He was still confined in the hospital although his BP has gone back to normal, 120 over 72 children.

After the funeral, Ram’s mother, “That’s Entertainment” alumna Genelyn Magsaysay told the media she didn’t raise her children to be violent people. And Princess Revilla was like, “Why are you looking at me?”

The Ligots
Former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot and wife, Erlinda have surfaced Wednesday and posted a bail of P160,000 for a string of tax evasion cases. The couple’s lawyer said the Ligots went on a vacation “somewhere in Luzon.” When asked to give more clues, the lawyer said, “Basta! Kung saan ‘di naghanap ang NBI, do’n yun!”

Overseas…
Herman Cain, a former pizza chain CEO and leading Republican presidential candidate is being accused of harassing two women in the mid-1990s. Cain dismissed the issue as a demolition job invented by the camp of Manny Villar.

Success!
Here’s a piece of good news. US surgeons successfully separated Filipino conjoined twins Angelica and Angelina Sabuco. The surgery lasted 9 hours, about half an hour shorter than the marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

Top 10 Things That Have Lasted Longer Than The Kardashian-Humphries Marriage

No. 10: The NCAA games in the Philippines

No. 9: The Ligot couple’s vacation

No. 8: Nora Aunor’s good behavior after her return to the Philippines (May himala!)

No. 7: The UP Fighting Maroons’ losing streak

No. 6: “Happy Yipee Yehey” (Akalain mo ‘yon!)

No. 5: Christopher Lao’s online popularity

No. 4: The Yuletide Season in the Philippines

No. 3: Manny and Jinkee Pacquiao’s latest cold war

No. 2: The time spent by Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo in the hospital after being elected congresswoman

And the No. 1 thing that has lasted longer than Kim and Kris’ marriage…

Noli De Castro’s “TeeeeeeeeeeeeVeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Patrol”

The marriage of reality star Kim Kardashian and NBA player Kris Humphries’ lasted 72 days. And James Yap was like, “Puwede pala ‘yon? Sus, kung alam ko lang… “
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“I don’t know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It’s not gay people who are ‘ruining the sanctity of marriage.’ It’s celebrities.”
~Craig Ferguson

Quote of Week
“Kung maaari lang po, tugisin niyo ang totoong killer. Huwag niyong gamitin ang pamilya ko. Huwag niyo kaming paikut-ikutin dahil alam mo kung sino ka. Kawawa ang mga anak ko. Kung kayo ay may galit sa akin, ako na lang. huwag niyo nang isama ang mga anak ko. Ang mga anak ko ay mahal na mahal ko.”
~Genelyn Magsaysay, Ram Revilla’s mother

Elsewhere
Blogger raises issue of possible plagiarism vs. the Department of Tourism

GMA News: DOT: ‘Plagiarized’ food article was just a test page

Enjoy the rest of the week! Merry Christmas!

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WELCOME!

1 11 2011


THE GOOD NEWS is the world’s 7 billionth baby was born on October 31. The bad news is the person who did the head count died of exhaustion this morning.

The United Nations announced the birth of the world’s 7 billionth baby. Mar Roxas wants a recount.

A Filipina became the mother of the world’s symbolic 7 billionth baby yesterday. Today, Sen. Tito Sotto demanded to see the baby’s birth certificate.

Yahoo! News reported that the United Nations marked October 31 with a series of symbolic 7-billionth babies being born. Baby Danica May Camacho of the Philippines was the first. Take that China!


As I correctly predicted last October 17, the world’s (symbolic) 7 billionth baby will be born in Manila’s Fabella Memorial Hospital. What I failed to predict though was that the event will be sponsored by Goldilocks.

Baby Danica May Camacho was welcomed with a chocolate cake from the United Nations. What an unhealthy start!

Several symbolic 7 billionth babies were welcomed by mothers of different nationalities. Surprisingly, not one of those moms was Nadya Suleman.

This just in: World population will have to remain at 7 billion until experts have decided who the real 7 billionth human is!

Undas 2011
As of 3PM, Tuesday, police put the crowd estimate at the Manila North Cemetery at 1 million 100 thousand (1.1M). So far, everbody has been cooperative to authorities… except for the one million one hundred thousandth person who is demanding a chocolate cake from UN.

At 54 hectares, the Manila North Cemetery is one of the country’s biggest cemeteries. To give you an idea of how huge it is, one side is controlled by the Manila police; the opposite side is controlled by the MILF.

The Philippine National Police says the observance of Undas 2011 is “generally peaceful.” The PNP’s assessment of the peace and order situation this year is generally rehash.

Donations
A week after Malacañang admitted donating 5 million pesos to the MILF, palace officials confirmed reports that the government plans to donate some P31 million in livelihood assistance to the Alex Boncayao Brigade, a breakaway Communist group. Being enemies of the state has never been this rewarding. So if you want to rebel against the government, now is the time.

Abu Sayyaf
Despite the All Saints Day break, the military says it will not stop its offensive against the Abu Sayyaf Group until the terrorists are eliminated. Unfazed, the Abu Sayyaf Group says it will not stop its offensive against the military until it receives donation from Malacañang.

Reports say Malaysian Jemaah Islamiyah leader Zulkipli bin Hir alias Marwan, could have been killed in an airstrike in Indanan, Sulu last Sunday. But the military is still verifying the report, or as Sen. Tito Sotto would say, “Death certificate muna.”

The Ligots
The National Bureau of Investigation failed to locate former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda. But NASA believes the couple landed somewhere in the Pacific.

Former AFP comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda couldn’t be located by the NBI. Apparently, they haven’t checked Marlene Aguilar’s basement.

(Breaking News: The Ligots surfaced Wednesday at the Court of Tax Appeal.)

Charice’ Dad
Charice Pempengco’s father Ricky Pempengco was stabbed to death in San Pedro, Laguna Monday night. The international singing sensation and her mother Raquel are seeking all-out justice while Ricky Pempengco’s relatives have declared an all-out war against them.

Kim & Kris
After only 72 days, reality TV star Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce from her NBA husband, Kris Humphries. Kim made the decision after she discovered that Kris withdrew 5 million from their joint account.
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“Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.”
~ Sam Levenson


Quotes of the Week
“Hindi kami makapaniwala na may kinalaman nga siya, hangga’t hindi napapatunayan, beyond reasonable doubt, na ginawa nga niya ang ibinibintang sa kanya. Hindi pa man naililibing ang isa, isinasangkot naman ang isa pa. Gayunpaman, kung sinuman ang tunay na may kagagawan nito, kahit sino pa siya, dapat siyang managot.”
~Sen. Bong Revilla after the arrest of Ramon Joseph Bautista (Revilla) who was being tagged as the mastermind in the killing of his older brother Ram Revilla last Friday

“They may want to pay their respects to their dead. It is, after all, a tradition…”
~ NBI deputy director for intelligence serviceS, Atty. Ruel Lasala on the Ligots’ failure to surface despite the pending arrest warrants

You Have Spoken
Sa isyu ng 5 milyong pisong “donasyon” ng pamahalaang Aquino sa MILF:
-Pinapa-account naman ng administrasyon kung saan ginastos eh. Malay n’yo sa napag-usapang proyekto naman napunta! 8.67%
-Kalaban ng gobyerno, pinopondohan ng gobyerno ang proyekto? Astig huh! 82.08%
-Aalamin ko muna ang isyu. 9.25%

Have a great week! Merry Christmas!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.








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