GOVERNMENT STATION

31 07 2010


FOR THE SECOND time in less than a week and the third time in a month, broadcast network ABS-CBN was reportedly given preferential treatment by Malacañang. Four days after the network allegedly received an advance copy of President Aquino’s SONA, the Philippine Daily Inquirer said palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda broke the news “about Memorandum Circular No. 2 not in the government-run National Broadcasting Network as protocol demanded, but in the privately owned ABS-CBN.” The Malacañang Press Corps (MPC) is now investigating reports Lacierda’s application for the position of “Breaking News Correspondent” has been approved by Maria Ressa.

Breaking News! Unconfirmed reports say ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs head Maria Ressa has decided to pull out the network’s reporters from Malacañang. Edwin Lacierda and Ricky Carandang are already in the palace; Ressa believes that’s redundancy.

The Malacañang Press Corps (MPC) is protesting the alleged bias of Malacañang towards ABS-CBN. Members of the MPC felt they’ve had enough when palace spokespersons ended a recent press briefing with the line, “Salamat sa inyong pagdalo. Kami ang Communications Group ng Pangulo… naglilingkod sa inyo saan man sa mundo!”

For the second time in a month, palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda apologized to the Malacañang Press Corps for breaking an important piece of information to the privately-owned ABS-CBN network. Lacierda issued the apology on ANC.

SONA Leak
Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says Malacañang is now investigating reports that an advance copy of President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address was given to ABS-CBN last Monday. Lacierda said the probe would be as transparent as possible. In fact, the public will have a chance to see the actual investigation… on ABS-CBN’s XXX.

Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda said “I don’t know how ABS was able to get a copy (but) I can very well vouch for the fact that although Ricky Carandang is a former employee of ABS, he did not in any way leak it to ABS because I was with him the whole time” to which former ANC host Manolo Quezon said, “Eh bakit nakatingin ka sa ‘kin?”

Spokespersons
The Communications Group of President Aquino will soon have three spokespersons: Herminio ‘Sonny’ Coloma, Edwin Lacierda, and Ricky Carandang – one for dzMM, another for ABS-CBN, and a third for ANC.

Survey Says…
Are palace communicators (e.g. Edwin Lacierda) biased towards ABS-CBN?
A: Mismo! – 25%
B: Obvious naman ‘di ba? – 25%
C: Is water liquid? – 25%
D: Okay lang. Kebs! – 25%

This is our new survey. But no need to vote. This is a biased poll. The results have been leaked to ABS-CBN even before they’re posted here.

This just in: Rumors say the Philippine Lotto Draw will soon air on ABS-CBN! Wohoo!
———————
“I think perfect objectivity is an unrealistic goal; fairness, however, is not.”
~Michael Pollan

Enjoy your weekend!

Personal Faves
SRO (Suhestyon, Reaksyon at Opinyon) with Lynda Jumilla and Alvin Elchico nightly on dzMM after TV Patrol and Strictly Politics with Pia Hontiveros, Tuesdays@7:30 PM on ANC.





IMPARTIAL AND OFFICIAL

11 05 2010


May 11, 2010
Makati City

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.

I congratulate Sen. Benigno Simeon “Noynoy” Aquino III on his victory.

I accept the will of the people.

I encourage every Filipino to work side-by-side with our new president… with the exception of those who are allergic to second hand smoke.

I would like to thank the readers of this blog who volunteered to disseminate the information that I maintain a Twitter account. I may have failed to update my blog on Election Day but people were able to monitor my activities by following me on Twitter.

Today, I concede. Yes, I concede that Noynoy Aquino is a more entertaining subject than Manuel Villar Jr., Joseph Estrada, or any other presidential candidates.

His victory is just the beginning. There’s so much work to do. There’s a lot of Noynoyisms to write about.

Let us celebrate democracy and let the heckling flourish even more under his administration.

Mabuhay ang sambayanang Pilipino! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!

Signed:

The Professional Heckler

—————————

In the news today…
Conceding defeat to Noynoy Aquino, Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. apologized to the people whom he may have hurt during the campaign. He apologized to his opponents, to their supporters, and to his critics. He didn’t say though when is he going to apologize to his mother.

Speaking before the press Tuesday morning, Manny Villar conceded defeat to Noynoy Aquino. In accepting his sorry loss, Villar vowed to support the Aquino administration… by not releasing any psychiatric reports anymore.

Sen. Manny Villar has conceded defeat to Noynoy Aquino. There’s no word yet though if Willie Revillame is also conceding defeat to Jobert Sucaldito.

Gordon and JC, Too
Reports say Sen. Richard Gordon was the third presidential candidate to concede defeat. That’s according to news reports. But according to SWS and Pulse Asia, he’s the sixth candidate to do so.

At press time, Sen. Jamby Madrigal is in 8th place in the presidential race. But the feisty senator is not about to concede defeat saying, “Hindi ako kumakain ng pride.”

Trailing his eight rivals in the official counting, Ang Kapatiran Party standard-bearer JC De Los Reyes has also conceded defeat. K.


Gilbert Throws in the Towel
Lakas-Kampi-CMD standard-bearer Gilbert Teodoro has conceded defeat to his second cousin, Sen. Noynoy Aquino. Unfortunately for Gilbert, he failed to make it work. I mean, “Mind over mother.”

In accepting his defeat, administration candidate Gilbert Teodoro said, “I did not fight for a political position for myself but for an idea. Winning or losing is secondary. We fight for an idea.” Monitoring Gibô on ANC, Noynoy Aquino inexplicably had a nosebleed.

Administration candidate Gilbert Teodoro lost the presidency. Pastor Apollo Quiboloy’s “God” lost its credibility. Boo!

Mar and Binay
Jejomar Binay is reportedly winning the race for vice president despite getting junked by the INC; snubbed by Quiboloy, and dumped by his own running mate. Now that’s what you call ‘failure of rejection.’

Outgoing Makati City Jejomar Binay looks headed for an upset win over Sen. Mar Roxas. Sought for comment, Roxas said, “Masakit. Para akong tinadyakan ng dark horse.”

As Jejomar Binay leads the counting for vice president, Noynoy Aquino denies reports that some Liberal Party stalwarts have started to abandon his running mate, Mar Roxas. Dissatisfied with Noynoy’s denial, Joey Salceda suggested a loyalty check.

Ex-presidential contender turned vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas is losing his bid for the vice presidency… making ex-future First Lady Korina Sanchez the leading candidate for ex-future Second Lady.

Partial, unofficial tally shows Sen. Mar Roxas is trailing Jejomar Binay in the vice presidential race. When he saw the partial results in the news, Roxas said, “Basta! Alam ko na kung sino ang hindi ko isasama sa repeat concert ng Tears for Fears!”

Erap and Binay
Videos and photos have revealed that Joseph Estrada did not vote for a vice presidential candidate. But Estrada’s running mate, Jejomar Binay was unfazed by the reported alleged rejection. After all, he’s got his ‘other’ president.

Noynoy Wins
Results of the partial, unofficial count show that Sen. Noynoy Aquino has won the presidency. Finally, he’s got something to write under the column “Achievements” on his curriculum vitaé.

Noynoy Aquino has confirmed reports that Dinky Soliman has accepted his offer to become DSWD secretary. Aquino has earlier vowed to reward Soliman with a cabinet post on condition that she won’t sing “If We Hold On (Together)” again.

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang pinag-uusapan ng dalawang lalaki sa larawan?

A: “Natatandaan mo pa ba noong magpunta tayo minsan sa isang girlie joint doon sa QC? Sinundan pala ako ng Tita Ellen Binay mo. ‘Buti na lang, madilim sa kuwarto. Hindi ako nakita!”

“Ha-ha-ha! Pati ba naman ‘yun natandaan n’yo pa? Para tuloy gusto kong bumalik.”

B: “Sa tingin mo ‘Noy, iinterviewhin pa kaya ako ni Korina kapag bumalik siya sa DZMM?”

“Ha-ha-ha! Kabahan ka na Manong! Pero ‘wag ako ang tanungin mo d’yan. ‘The Buzz’ lang at ‘SNN’ ang hawak ko.”

C: “Puwede bang maghati tayo ng term? First three years, ikaw ang presidente, ako ang bise. ‘Tapos, last three years, ako naman ang presidente at ikaw ang bise. Sige na, pumayag ka na. Subok lang!”

“Ha-ha-ha! Nautot naman ako sa sinabi n’yo. Tanungin ko muna ang Pink Sisters.”

D: “Nagbabasa ka ba ng column ni Conrado De Quiros ng Inquirer? Paborito ka no’n! You think, magugustuhan n’ya rin ako?”

“Oo naman! Kayo pa!? Alam n’yo bang mahilig sa analogy ng ‘good & evil’ si De Quiros? Eksakto! Good ako. Evil kayo! I luveeeet!”
————–
Note: This is just a partial dose of my post-elections report. The results from the local voting are next. Plus, a special article on our new president.
————–
Battle of the Networks
Did you see GMA News’ use of a “hologram” in their election coverage? Award-winning journalist Howie Severino became the first Filipino to be beamed in “a hologram” on live TV. But the feat didn’t impress Noynoy Aquino that much saying he’s seen the same stuff in his favorite PC games.

Howie Severino became the first Filipino journalist to be beamed on live TV in “a hologram” – or as Pastor Apollo Quiboloy would describe it, “a vision.”

GMA News and Public Affairs ushered in a first on Philippine television. Howie Severino became the first Filipino to be beamed in “a hologram” on live TV. But rumors say it wasn’t really Howie but his boss, Jessica Soho who was supposed to be beamed first during the coverage. There wasn’t just enough ‘beam’ to make it possible.


How about ABS-CBN’s high-tech equipment? Did you see the huge Philippine map that was projected right in front of the news anchor? Viewers were treated to a rare spectacle when some of the islands on the map started to disappear on live TV – during high tide!

ABS-CBN’s comprehensive coverage of the May 2010 elections utilized a new broadcast technology called “augmented reality,” which combines computer-generated imagery in live-video streams as a way to expand the real-world. Or as Lito Lapid would say, “Higanteng touch screen lang ‘yan!”

Finally… another rumor has it GMA News was not the first news organization to use the idea of “a hologram” to make it appear that a news person is actually there in person while fellow news persons pretend to be in awe while talking to her. That’s exactly what happens every time Korina Sanchez drops by the ABS-CBN Newsroom.
——————————
“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”
~ Marilyn vos Savant

Survey Says
Neck-and-neck ang labanan. Kung dalawa na lang ang maglalaban sa pagka-bise presidente, sino ang iboboto mo?
Jejomar BINAY 28%
Mar ROXAS 48%
Wala! Ayoko sa kanilang dalawa! 24%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





THE NOYNOY SHOW

26 10 2009

As I have said before, there are only two genuine opposition groups in the country today: the Communists, and ABS-CBN.

Let’s face it.

noynoy_23 ABS-CBN is perceived to be pro-Noynoy Aquino, and the public expects it to go all out for Noynoy and Mar in 2010 [despite Beaver Lopez’s dad-in-law’s shameless (as the Inquirer put it) bid to reclaim Malacañang.]

If rumors are to be believed, network bosses plan to reformat ABS-CBN’s UHF channel: Studio 23 so it could implement a new program schedule in support of the candidacy of Tita Cory’s unico hijo.

Here’s a peek at the proposed programming:

Studio 23’s Primetime TV Guide

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays
7:00 – eX, eX, eX (ni Korina, ni Bernadette, at ni Barbara)

8:00Zaijan Jaranilla as the young Noynoy in “May Bu…hok Pa”

9:00 – “My Sister Kris: Girl Behaving Badly”

10:00 – “Extreme Makeover: Noynoy Aquino Edition”

11:00 – “I’m A (Reluctant) Celebrity (Candidate), Get Me Out of Here!”

Tuesdays and Thursdays
7:30 – “TV Patrol Tarlac”

8:30 – “SNN: Showbiz Na si Noynoy!”

9:30 – “Kris Says the Darndest Things”

10:30 – “Beauty & the Geek: The Love Story of Shalani and Noynoy”

11:30 – “Sex and the Sissy”

Saturdays and Sundays
7:00 – “Hagupit ni Noynoy: Special Coverage of the Forthcoming Presidential Surveys”

8:00 – “Katorse” (Ang Bilang ng Patay sa Madugong Dispersal sa Hacienda Luisita noong 2004): Noynoy’s Take

9:30So You Think You Can Run

10:00 – “PBB: Pinky’s Bachelor Brother”

11:00“Two and a Half Men” (The Joshua and Baby James Show)

Note: Program schedule is subject to change without prior notice to the Liberal Party and the civil society.

For comments and suggestions please visit,
http://www.studio23lovesnoynoyandfamily.com or type NOYNOY (space) Your Comment (space) Your Spiritual Adviser’s Comment (space) Your Best Friend’s Comment (space) Your Sisters’ Comment (space) Your Girlfriend’s Comment (space) Your Favorite Nephew’s Comment (space) God’s Comment (space) Your name (space) Your Signature (space) and send it to 2366 after your three-day retreat.

__________
“Good advertising does not just circulate information. It penetrates the public mind with desires and belief.”
~Leo Burnett





KABAYAN

12 09 2009

noli_dc De Castro and the Palace
Did you hear the news? Malacañang has given Vice President Noli De Castro a deadline to join Lakas-CMD-Kampi. Kabayan vowed to make a final decision after Manny Villar has made a final offer.

Top 10 Questions Vice President Noli De Castro Should Ask Himself Before Accepting the Invitation of Malacañang to Join the Administration Party

No. 10: Deadline? Eh sino bang 1 percent lang sa survey, ako o si Gibo?

No. 9: Am I this desperate to become president?

No. 8: Since my home studio, ABS-CBN is expected to back Noynoy Aquino, who will then support me – NBN 4?!?

No. 7: Is my future running mate, Ronnie Puno – capable of pulling off another “Sulo Hotel Operation” to secure our party’s victory?

No. 6: If yes, why am I tempted to allow it?

No. 5: Can Lakas CMD-Kampi match the multimillion-peso offer of my Wednesday Club buddy Manny Villar?

No. 4: Teka, saan ko na nga ba inilagay ‘yong tseke?

No. 3: If I would be drafted as Lakas Party’s standard bearer and ANC invites me to a series of presidential debate (to be moderated by UP professor Cheche Lazaro in English), can I just send someone on my behalf?

No. 2: How prepared am I to lose?

And the No.1 question Vice President Noli De Castro should ask himself before accepting the invitation of Malacañang to join the administration party…

Saan ako pupulutin pagkatapos ng halalan sa 2010?

Briefly Noted
Apparently, Manila Standard Today gossip columnist Victor Agustin a.ka. “Philippine Daily Inquirer’s pain in the ass” is misinformed. That post about the ex-Future First Lady was not written as a “chain mail” as he just claimed. People who read the post just started re-posting and circulating the article. Aba! Malay ko bang pati mga taga-Asian Development Bank eh nakiisa na rin pala sa pagpapakalat ng artikulo. Here’s Mr. Agustin’s gossip item on that blog post.

__________
“There’s nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.”
~Scott Adam





DANNY

24 04 2009

Daniel Smith is Free
The Court of Appeals (CA) has acquitted Lance Corporal Daniel Smith of raping “Nicole.” In reversing the lower court’s decision, the appeals court stated: “What we see was the unfolding of a spontaneous, unplanned romantic episode with both parties carried away by their passions and stirred up by the urgency of the moment.” Or as “kanto” boys would say, “libog lang ‘yan.”

daniel_smith Daniel Smith has been acquitted by the Court of Appeals. CA justices believe that Smith must be released right away because he’s innocent, he has to start a new life, and he needs to lose some pounds.

In its decision, the Court of Appeals described as “deceptive posturing” the portrayal of Nicole as “a demure provinciana lass.” If it’s any consolation, only Nicole’s lawyer believed her.

Acquitted of rape by the Court of Appeals, Lance Corporal Daniel Smith is reportedly on his way back to the US. When Suzette “Nicole” Nicolas heard this, she said, “Naku teka, kailangang magpa-parlor.”

mar Did you see Sen. Mar Roxas’ reaction on TV when he heard the news that Daniel Smith immediately left the country after being acquitted by the CA? Roxas said, “Mismong sa sariling bansa natin ay binabastos tayo.” Wait a minute. Did he really say that? Does he even know how we feel whenever his “padyak” political ad is shown tv? ‘Yon ang paulit-ulit na pambabastos!

failon3 ABS-CBN Slammed
Media critics slammed ABS-CBN News for its biased and “over the top” coverage of the Trinidad Etong-Ted Failon case. But ABS-CBN President Charo Santos-Concio immediately apologized, and vowed, “Sa Maala-ala Mo Kaya episode namin next week, gagawin naming homicidal summa cum laude graduate si Ted. At ‘yong mga pulis naman, good people na. Promise.”

________
“Justice is always violent to the party offending, for every man is innocent in his own eyes.”
~Daniel Defoe





ETONG SA ‘YO!

17 04 2009

failon The Failon Shooting Case
Trinidad Arteche Etong, wife of broadcaster and former congressman Ted Failon died after sustaining a gunshot wound to her head. Some people couldn’t believe it was suicide. Others couldn’t believe it was homicide. And some couldn’t believe that “Teodoro Etong” was Ted Failon’s real name.

Ted Failon was tested negative for gunpowder residue. This morning, probers have announced that his wife Trina’s paraffin test also yielded negative results. Cops are now facing a blank wall. And Sen. Panfilo Lacson has issued a statement denying any involvement in the shooting.

Following the Failon household shooting, I just realized how really bad the economy had been for some people. The economy is so bad Ted Failon is now seeking the help of the Public Attorneys Office.

persida Public Attorneys Office (PAO) chief Persida Rueda-Acosta, whose office is mandated to help poor Filipinos, rushed to the defense of former congressman and broadcaster Ted Failon. In fact, the PAO chief has been so supportive of Failon, she has already assured him of a “future” presidential pardon.

Even before probers could finish their investigation into the shooting of Trinidad Etong, controversial PAO Chief Persida Rueda-Acosta said in a press conference that as far as her forensic consultant is concerned, Etong committed suicide. Next week, Acosta will also call a press conference to announce her findings that Ninoy Aquino had himself murdered.

For helping Ted Failon, Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales says PAO Chief Persida Rueda-Acosta is crazy. He should know. He’s her counterpart.

Former president Joseph Estrada says beleaguered former congressman and ABS-CBN anchor Ted Failon is still being considered by the opposition as a potential senate bet in 2010. But due to the huge amount of publicity he’s been getting following the shooting of his wife, Failon now considers running for president instead.

failon2 The Quezon City Police District has an ongoing probe on the shooting of Ted Failon’s wife Trina. The National Bureau of Investigation has also started a parallel investigation. Not satisfied with both probes, ABS-CBN has ordered the SOCO Team of Gus Abelgas to conduct another.

The Senate has reportedly concluded its probe on the controversial ZTE-NBN deal. Having run out of avenues to grandstand, they will soon open its investigation into the shooting of Trina Etong.

Reports said Ted Failon was mocked and teased by policemen while undergoing gunpowder tests. Failon now knows how President Arroyo feels whenever he is onboard at DZMM.

ABS-CBN anchor Ted Failon claimed that financial problems prompted his wife Trinidad to commit suicide. Loved ones of Legacy founder Celso De Los Angeles have started to strictly monitor his movement.

Investigators say Ted Failon’s wife sustained a gunshot wound to her head. When Sen. Lito Lapid heard this, he said, “Gunshot wound?! Grabe naman! Na-recover ba ang patalim?”

________
“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, “You can’t fire me – I quit.””
~Bill Maher





FASHION VICTIM

26 03 2009

boyet_f The Boyet Fajardo Story
By now, you must be all familiar with Angelino “Boyet” Fajardo. But in case you’re not… let me tell you who he is. Boyet Fajardo is the week’s second most unpopular newsmaker – next only to Manny Pacquiao.

The Boyet Fajardo Story II
Boyet Fajardo, the fashion designer who humiliated two Duty Free employees by shouting invectives & expletives at them has apologized. But Fajardo insisted – hurling invectives and expletives at the employees was actually an idea of ABS-CBN lawyers.

Did you hear the news? Boyet Fajardo has apologized to the employees of Duty Free Philippines. GMA 7 is now offering him a TV show.

boyet_f2 The Boyet Fajardo Story III
Controversial fashion designer Boyet Fajardo has apologized. Asked why it took him 12 days to say sorry, he replied, “Heller! Pasalamat nga kayo at nag-apologize pa ako! Si Jalosjos nga, 13 years na ‘di pa nag-so-sorry ‘noh!”

Embattled fashion designer Boyet Fajardo has apologized for humiliating Duty Free Philippines employees last March 13. Asked why it took him 12 days to say sorry when he could have done it after two or three days, Fajardo replied, “Two days??? Who do you think I am? Pacquiao?!?”

The Boyet Fajardo Story IV boyet_f5
The employees union of Duty Free Philippines has filed a complaint before the Commission on Human Rights against designer Angelino “Boyet” Fajardo for his outburst inside the store’s outlet in Parañaque City last March 13. Trembling with fear and thinking of the worst scenario, Fajardo has started conceptualizing clothes designs – for inmates.

The Boyet Fajardo Story V
Fashion designer Boyet Fajardo, who humiliated two Duty Free employees has issued a public apology. But his lawyer insisted that the incident was just a “product of creative outburst.” Therefore I conclude, the lawyer is more gay than the client.

boyet_f3 The Boyet Fajardo Story VI
Did you know that Boyet Fajardo’s’ “creative outburst” at a Duty Free Philippines outlet in Parañaque City dragged on for nearly four hours? To give you an idea how long the “outburst” was, before Fajardo could even finish his “scene,” Manny Pacquiao has already signed three different contracts with two different networks!

Boyet Fajardo’s “creative outburst” at a Duty Free Philippines outlet in Parañaque City dragged on for several hours. To give you an idea how unusually long it was, “Nicole” was still a Filipina “rape victim” when it started. By the time Fajardo was done, “Nicole” was already an American bride.

The Boyet Fajardo Story VII
Duty Free Philippines rejected the apology of Boyet Fajardo. Embarrassed, the fashion designer will just apologize to Solar Sports and GMA 7.

This just in! The Professional Heckler has just received a call from Boyet Fajardo. The infamous fashion designer clarified that he was not a product of Ateneo. He’s actually a graduate of UST.

Kata-Quote!
“Mga leche kayo! Hindi n’yo ako kilala? Ako si Boyet Fajardo! At itong put*ng-inang babaeng ito at ang baklang ito ay mga walang kuwentang tao! I want them fired!”
~ Fashion designer Boyet Fajardo’s reaction when, – after presenting an unsigned credit card at the cashier – two Duty Free employees asked for another ID

ganewses In Other News…
President Arroyo said that 41,000 people in the Philippines have lost their jobs due to the global recession. The economy is so bad Boyet Fajardo’s boutiques have zero customers for three days now.

parad Searching for Parad
Aldaber Parad is reportedly wounded. You don’t know Aldaber Parad? Mga leche kayo! Hindi n’yo siya kilala? Si Aldaber Parad ang bagong lider ng Abu Sayyaf! At ‘yang mga put*ng inang supporters ng Abu Sayyaf at ng mga teroristang bumihag sa Red Cross volunteers ay mga walang kwentang tao! I want them fired (at)!

reccross Abu Sayyaf abductors of three International Committee of the Red Cross members gave authorities until Saturday, March 28, to order the pullout of all government forces in Sulu. Otherwise, they’ll either behead one of the hostages or worse, they’ll be compelled to make “sumbong” to Dick Gordon.

Abu Sayyaf leader Aldaber Parad appealed to fellow Muslims not to condemn their decision to kidnap three Red Cross volunteers. Parad explained that the incident was just a product of their “terroristic outburst.”

WB Road Projects Mess
The Office of the Ombudsman recommended the filing of charges against 17 past and present DPWH officials in connection with the World Bank-funded projects mess. The First Gentleman was not included in the rap sheet but the Ombudsman insisted that some members of the investigating body wanted to actually charge him. Asked how many members went against the First Gentleman, the Ombudsman answered, “Five percent.”

Another Recognition for Pacquiao
Manny Pacquiao has been voted fighter of the year by the Boxing Writers Association of America. The group recognized Pacquiao for successfully fighting Solar Sports and GMA 7 resulting in his winning a contract with ABS-CBN, and then successfully fighting against ABS-CBN and winning back Solar Sports and GMA 7.

__________
“Bullies are always cowards at heart and may be credited with a pretty safe instinct in scenting their prey.”
~ Anna Julia Cooper





NO DEAL

23 03 2009

amonged Panlilio for President?
Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio’s supporters want him to run for president in 2010. Rumors say Panlilio is willing to accept the challenge if and only if every city and municipality in the country would open a quarry site.

Panlilio for President? II
Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio says he won’t leave the priesthood even if he runs for president. But that’s okay. After all, a number of our senators and congressmen didn’t leave the circus when they ran for Congress.


“Alabang Boys” Case
Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez has ordered the filing of charges against high-profile suspected drug dealers Richard Brodett, Jorge Joseph and Joseph Tecson otherwise known as the “Alabang Boys.” State prosecutor John Resado felt so guilty he decided to just return the 1.6 million pesos to the boys’ relatives.

“Alabang Boys” Case II
After more than six months, Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez has finally ordered the filing of charges against the Alabang Boys. When the news came out, Embassy Super Club co-owner Tim Yap received several text messages that read, “We’re sorry for your loss.”

jaloss1 Jalosjos Goes Malling
A couple of days after his release from prison, convicted rapist and former Zamboanga Del Norte congressman Romeo Jalosjos went to the mall. He spent an hour shopping, an hour eating, two hours at the movies, and half a day “strolling” at Toy Kingdom’s Barbie and Bratz dolls section.

pacman Pacquiao Backtracks
A day after insisting that his May 2 fight will be shown on ABS-CBN, Manny Pacquiao backtracked and decided to honor his legally binding contract with Solar Sports. In a period of only four days, Pacquiao became Kapuso, Kapamilya, and Katawa-tawa.

dyanc ABS-CBN’s celebration was cut short when Manny Pacquiao decided to honor his contract with Solar Sports. Because of this development, ABS-CBN will no longer give a bonus to Dyan Castillejo.

Inquirer columnist Beth Celis said a lady brokered the aborted deal between Manny Pacquiao and ABS-CBN. Did I say ABS-CBN is no longer giving Dyan Castillejo a bonus?

In a press conference yesterday, Manny Pacquiao revealed that the statement he read during an ABS-CBN newscast insisting that his fight would be shown on the Kapamilya channel was actually prepared by representatives of the network. Sources say the prepared statement was actually drafted by the writers of “Maalaala Mo Kaya.”

Did you see Dyan Castillejo’s futile attempt to get a statement from Manny Pacquiao outside his training camp in Los Angeles? Geez, the rumor must be true after all! Dyan will replace Nicolette Sheridan in “Desperate Housewives.”

This Just In! Sketchy reports say Manny Pacquiao will not be wearing shoes when he fights Ricky Hatton on May 2! You know what he’s going to wear? Flip-flops.

_________
“Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in every walk of life.”
~Napoleon Hill





BAD

11 02 2009

mikea1 The First Gentleman
First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo finally broke his silence on his alleged involvement in the World Bank road projects controversy. In an exclusive chance interview with GMA News, Attorney Arroyo said, “Of course not. It’s not true. Hearsay lang ‘yan.” Again, that was Mr. Arroyo speaking… not Miriam Defensor-Santiago, not Juan Ponce Enrile, not Joker Arroyo. Mabuti na’ng malinaw.

In a chance interview with GMA 7’s Joseph Morong outside the St. Luke’s Medical Center, First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo categorically denied his alleged involvement in the World Bank-funded road projects controversy. The reporter tried to obtain more info from Attorney Arroyo but his doctors had to intervene because every time the First Gentleman talks, his blood pressure shoots up, his skin turns pale, and his nose grows a centimeter longer.

GMA News was able to interview First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo on his alleged involvement in the World Bank road projects mess. Attorney Arroyo admitted that he knew Eduardo De Luna of the blacklisted E.C. Construction Corporation. When the reporter asked how much he knew the guy, he replied, “Five percent.”

According to his lawyer Ruy Rondain, he is not sure whether First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo’s doctors would allow him to attend the Senate hearing, but explained that Attorney Arroyo could play golf “because this is not stressful” – unless of course he overtakes the Pangandamans in the fairway.

GMA News was able to interview First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo outside the St. Luke’s Medical Center yesterday. With all the allegations being hurled against him, Attorney Arroyo admitted that he was angry… but not as angry as ABS-CBN News boss Maria Ressa who refused to accept her reporter’s excuse why GMA 7 outscooped them.

gmadavos The Economy Is So Bad…
You’ve probably heard this. Electronics company Amkor Technology Inc. has laid off 1,500 workers from its two plants in Muntinlupa and Sta. Rosa. Also last week, Fujitsu Philippines confirmed it would lay off hundreds of workers from its disk manufacturing plants in Laguna and Batangas. The economy is so bad FedEx has closed its facility in Subic; Intel has closed its factory in Cavite, and Barack Obama has closed his doors on GMA.

The economy is so bad First Gentleman Mike Arroyo has agreed to lower his commission to 3 percent.

yusoph121 The economy is so bad newly-appointed Comelec commissioner Atty. Elias Yusoph cannot even buy a razor to shave.

The economy is so bad Celso De Los Angeles is now selling his soul to the devil just to settle his obligations.

The economy is so bad the devil declined due to bankruptcy.

The economy is so bad other DOJ prosecutors have started their own lending businesses.

alabang_boys3 The economy is so bad the Alabang Boys have switched from Ecstasy to Biogesic.

The economy is so bad Sen. Lito Lapid is riding a horse to the Senate.

The economy is so bad ABS-CBN cannot even send a reporter to St. Luke’s Hospital to interview Attorney Mike Arroyo.

The economy is so bad GMA 7 has to “steal” a song from Gary Granada.

The economy is so bad TV5’s resigned executive Christopher Sy actually earned thrice more than his network did last year.

below2 FedEx’s facility has closed. Intel’s facility has closed. The economy is so damn bad not even another surgery could stop Vicki Belo’s left eye from closing.

On second thought, the economy may not be that bad at all… because from being a “palengke person,” Mar Roxas is now a pharmacist.

legacy-2 The Legacy Group
The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas branded the Legacy Group of Companies owned by Celso de los Angeles as an organized syndicate, probably the second largest of its kind… next only to Philippine Congress.
_________

“Denial. It’s not just a river in Egypt. It’s a freakin’ ocean.”
~Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy





MEN OF SUBSTANCE

6 01 2009

marcelino
Major Ferdinand Marcelino, an anti-narcotics agent of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency confirmed that he was offered P3 million by a former classmate at the Philippine Military Academy in exchange for not filing a case against Richard Brodett, Joseph Tecson, and Jorge Joseph a.k.a. “Alabang Boys.” He also told the House committee on dangerous drugs that DOJ prosecutors who dismissed the case against the three might have been bribed. A number of people who heard Major Marcelino’s testimony described him as brave, credible, and dead.

610x Major Ferdinand Marcelino claimed that his PMA classmate offered him “tatlong manok” or P3 million pesos for the PDEA not to file a case against Brodett, Tecson, and Joseph but said that he turned down the offer. On December 2 however, a resolution, signed by Chief State Prosecutor Jovencito Zuño, ordered the release of the three suspects. I wonder how many chickens did Zuño receive during the Holiday Season.

felis Also revealed yesterday: Attorney Felisberto Verano, lawyer for the Alabang Boys was the one who prepared the order for the release of his three clients using the letterhead of the Department of Justice for the signature of the justice secretary two days before Christmas. Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales vehemently denied culpability and told his critics, “If you wouldn’t believe me, then eat live chicken and jump into a chicken coop!”

Report #1: Muntinlupa City Mayor Aldrin San Pedro appealed to the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency (PDEA) and the media not to call Brodett, Tecson and Joseph “Alabang Boys” because the tag gives a negative impression on the Alabang community. Report #2: PDEA has confirmed that the three guys peddled drugs at the infamous Embassy Super Club co-owned by the equally infamous party animal Tim Yap at The Fort. Unconfirmed Report #3: Heeding the request of Mayor San Pedro, PDEA will now refer to the suspected Embassy suppliers as “drug envoys.”

Brodett, Tecson, and Joseph – the so-called “Alabang Boys” were arrested on September 20 for carrying cocaine, marijuana, and 60 tablets of Ecstasy… to which Borgy Manotoc and Tim Yap allegedly said, “Para ‘yon lang inaresto na?”

anton1 Anthony Brodett, first cousin of suspect Richard, and Anthony’s father Dave told the House committee on dangerous drugs that Richard was indeed a user and a pusher. Anthony testified, “Nagbebenta po talaga si Richard Brodett. Yes, pusher. Mismong yung nanay niya alam po. Pinaakyat pa ng nanay niya iyan sa Sagada para kumuha ng marijuana.” Sought for a reaction, suspect Richard’s mom said, “Wow ‘tol… bigat ng allegation pare. Sobrang heavy ng feeling na ma-accuse kami bro. OA sa hirit ang cuzins namin dude! Peace out man!”

Since the Philippine Star broke out the story on December 23, everybody has been talking about the “Alabang Boys” – suspected high-end drug dealers from the gated village of Alabang. They are so controversial some people now consider them as celebrities. In fact, one TV show is reportedly interested in having these alleged drug users/dealers as regular guests. Which show? Walaaaang Tulugan!

Of course, if there’s GMA 7, there’s ABS-CBN. According to rumors, the Kapamilya network has invited the so-called “Alabang Boys” to appear in the special narcotics episode of the show… “Deal or No Deal.”

Quote of the Weak jorge
“My son is a social user but not an addict. It’s no big deal.”
~ Radio announcer Johnny Joseph a.k.a. Johnny Midnight father of Jorge Joseph, one of the “Alabang Boys”

(Note: Please answer our survey. It’s on the right side of your screen.)

________________
Every man has his price.
~Sir Robert Walpole





THE DREAM MATCH

6 12 2008


WHO SHALL WIN IT? The Golden Boy or the Pacman? That’s the million dollar question that’ll be answered tomorrow as Mexican-American Oscar De La Hoya and General Santos City’s pride Manny “Pacman” Peck-yow (as Michael Buffer would say it) duke it out in tomorrow’s Dream Match.

But wait, there are other questions albeit trivial ones that Filipinos (I for one) would love to know the answers as the two boxers face off in Las Vegas. So here goes the…


Top 10 “Other” Questions You Want Answered Before, During and After Tomorrow’s Dream Match

10: How would a heartbroken Karylle sing the Philippine National Anthem? Would she render a subdued version as Kyla did or would she do a Lani Misalucha who almost bungled the “Lupang Hinirang” in an apparent attempt to impress her “birit-loving” fans? Will the cameras pan in on Dingdong Dantes who is expected to watch the fight?

9: What special programs will ABS-CBN air to avert a looming Sunday ratings massacre?

8: How many hours will Nanay Dionesia Pacquiao spend praying the rosary?

7: Will there be a motorcade in Manila this time if Pacquiao wins the fight or will he continue to snub Mayor Alfredo Lim?

6. In the event that Manny Pacquiao wins it, how many members of the Atienza family will surround him as he grants television interviews when he returns to Manila?

5: How many product logos will be printed on Manny Pacquiao’s trunks?

4: What time will GMA 7 start airing the main bout: (A) 1pm (B) 2pm (C) Nakikipanood ka lang, nagrereklamo ka pa? (Since GMA 7 is not a member of the Kapisanan ng mga Brodkaster ng Pilipinas, is there another governing body or agency that ought to monitor, if not penalize commercial overloading?)

3: If Pacquiao wins and President Arroyo makes a call to congratulate him while he’s still in the ring, how many televiewers will turn off their television sets?

2: Lawmakers and other elective officials have probably spent hundreds of thousands of pesos in taxpayers’ money traveling to Las Vegas to watch the fight. So, excluding this large-scale larceny, what will be the nationwide crime rate tomorrow?

And the No. 1 “other” question you want answered before, during, and after tomorrow’s Dream Match…

1: Of the estimated 50 to 60 million Filipinos who are going to watch the telecast, how many will throw invectives at deputy national security adviser Luis “Chavit” Singson when he climbs up the boxing ring after the bout?

Survey Question:
If a Pacquiao loss would trigger First Gentleman Mike Arroyo’s heart attack, would you pray for a De La Hoya victory? Now that’s a tough one! Your nationalism is at stake. Think about it.

Good luck Manny!

_________
Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat.
~Vince Lombardi





THE FIRST GENTLEMAN

22 11 2008


Emergency Landing
On its way to Lima via Los Angeles for the APEC Summit in Peru, President Arroyo’s plane made an emergency landing in Japan after her husband fell ill on board. ABS-CBN first reported the First Gentleman had suffered a heart attack. Other networks said he experienced stomach cramps; some reported he had chest and back pains. Whatever the real reason was, one thing was sure: for a moment, journalists thought the Philippines would have its second widow president.

President Arroyo’s plane was forced to make an emergency landing at Kansai airport in Osaka, Japan when First Gentleman Mike Arroyo fell ill. Sketchy reports say President Arroyo thought the First Gentleman was just joking inside the plane when he began clutching his chest. She reportedly told him, “Hmpf! Tigilan mo nga ako. Napanood ko na ‘yan eh. Ginawa na ‘yan nung lalaki sa wheelchair.”

President Arroyo left her husband in Japan to attend the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation forum in Lima, Peru. After all, he is now “stable and okay;” the Philippine economy is not.

Some sources say the First Gentleman will soon fly back to Manila via a Japanese charter plane. This travel arrangement will definitely push through… unless Mikey Arroyo insists on a charter change.

Malacañang is appealing for prayers for the quick recovery of the First Gentleman. Press Secretary Jess Dureza offered to lead the prayer but was politely declined.

Late last night, ABS-CBN News online posted a screaming headline saying the First Gentleman had suffered a heart attack. It turned out to be inaccurate though. But just the same, ABS-CBN never felt so good writing that incorrect news item.

A palace statement says First Gentleman Mike Arroyo is now out of danger. Then, the country is still in danger.

President Arroyo’s plane was forced to make an emergency landing at Kansai airport in Osaka when First Gentleman Mike Arroyo fell ill. Asked if he knew where Osaka was, Sen. Lito Lapid said, “Of course! Ano ako tanga? May branches ‘yan sa Cubao, Baclaran, Guadalupe at Quiapo. D’yan ako nagpapacheck-up ng mata!”

In Other News
Sen. Loren Legarda attended the SRO premiere of Dingdong Dantes and Marian Rivera’s movie One True Love at SM Megamall earlier in the week. The two young stars met Loren in person for the first time. When Marian said, “Hi ma’am, I am Marian,” she replied, “Hi Marian. I am Senator Loren.” When Dingdong said, “Hi Senator, I am Dingdong,” she replied, “Hi Dingdong. I am single.”

__________
So many people spend their health gaining wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health.
~AJ Reb Materi





ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN PHILIPPINE POLITICS

2 11 2008

PBA09pq1n793

A WEEK AFTER the February 2006 standoff at the Marines headquarters in Fort Bonifacio and the succeeding raid at the Daily Tribune office, I came up with a list of 20+ things I learned from those recent events in Philippine politics. The Philippine Daily Inquirer published the list albeit trimmed to 18, while People’s Journal (lifting the same list from the PDI) printed it as an editorial the next day.

Home alone on a quiet All Souls Day, I opted to create a rather serious post today. Enjoy reading, and let’s continue heckling this week!

Some of the things I’ve learned from recent events in politics and government:

You are poor. You are a suspected thief. You get locked up.
You are rich. You are a suspected thief. You get a check up.

A contingency fund, a cash advance, and an intelligence fund. They are one and the same.

If you’re a police general and you couldn’t attend an Interpol conference abroad, send your wife instead.

Catholic bishops and nuns – the staunchest critics of the proposed bill to curb population explosion do not actually contribute to population growth.

Impeachment is a numbers game. Winners usually take home a seven–figure jackpot.

History tells us that it takes decades to build states and nations. Today, it only takes a MOA to create one.

When an economic adviser calls her president a “bitch,” something is wrong with the adviser. If he doesn’t get fired, something is wrong with the president.

Double budget insertions are perfectly legal. Unless discovered.

The surest way to get appointed in a government post is to lose in a national election.

When an executive clemency is granted shortly before midnight on a Friday, better check on the list of convicts to be released. You might be in for a surprise.

Relatives of murder victims who oppose the granting of an executive clemency to a murder convict must learn how to swim first before they appeal their case to the Justice secretary..

There are only two genuine groups of oppositionists in the country: the Communist Party of the Philippines, and ABS-CBN.

And thanks to the Commission on Human Rights, I have learned that when a suspected NPA or Moro rebel is tortured, that’s human rights violation. When a government soldier is killed by the suspected NPA or Moro rebel, that’s life.

Have a great week ahead!

Elsewhere…
Did Luchi Cruz-Valdez resign from ABS-CBN?
__________
Irony is an insult conveyed in the form of a compliment..
Edwin Percy Whipple





ETHICAL

23 10 2008

NTC vs. ABS-CBN
For airing an interview with wanted MILF leader Kumander Bravo, the National Telecommunications Commission filed a complaint to the KBP against ABS-CBN. The NTC says the network violated the KBP’s Broadcast Code of 2007 particularly the provision that states, “”broadcast facilities shall not be used or allowed to be used for advocating the overthrow of government by force or violence,” and “the broadcast of materials which tend to incite treason, rebellion, sedition or create civil disorder or disturbance is prohibited.” This marks the first time NTC officials filed such a complaint against ABS-CBN… which could only mean one thing: they haven’t actually listened to DZMM’s “Tambalang Failon and Sanchez.”

NTC vs. ABS-CBN II
The NTC filed a complaint to the KBP against ABS-CBN for airing an interview with rogue MILF leader Kumander Bravo who is wanted by the military. But ABS-CBN News head Maria Ressa insists that the Kumander Bravo interview is a legitimate and ethical story and that ABS-CBN will not suspend the airing of his interviews… unless he starts talking about Nadia Montenegro’s love life.

NTC vs. ABS-CBN III
ABS-CBN successfully located and interviewed rogue MILF commander Bravo who has a 10 million-peso bounty on his head and is wanted by the Armed Forces of the Philippines. Outraged military officials who watched the interview vowed to intensify the info gathering and massive manhunt for Bravo in the Lanao Provinces, and soon at the ABS-CBN newsroom.

Meralco’s Power Rate Hike
Amid difficult times, the Lopez-owned Manila Electric Company or Meralco implemented a 36 percent power rate increase. Militant leader Rafael Mariano described the increase as “deceitful.” Cong. Mikey Arroyo believed it was “unjustified.” ABS-CBN News said it was “legitimate and ethical.”

“Euro Generals” Controversy
Retired Philippine National Police director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz underwent normal arrival procedures at the NAIA when he arrived Tuesday. Airport manager Angel Atutubo said De La Paz was not treated as a VIP and not a single marshal was assigned to escort him. Atutubo was understandably being careful… because the last time he escorted someone out of the airport, the La Salle Brothers accused him of kidnapping!

“Euro Generals” Controversy II
This has yet to be confirmed but retired PNP director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz will reportedly bring to the Senate what’s left of the undeclared 6.9 million pesos cash he was caught carrying in Moscow. To be sure it’s the real stuff, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago wanted to hire canines to sniff out the money. But Sen. Panfilo Lacson said there’s no need for a K9 unit… as long as Senators Alan Peter and Joker Arroyo are there.

“Euro Generals” Controversy III
Retired PNP director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz and DILG Sec. Ronaldo Puno have conflicting claims with regard to the 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash De La Paz carried while in Russia. De La Paz said the money was a “cash advance” while Puno claimed it was a “contingency” fund. But De La Paz’ wife, Maria Fe who traveled with him to Russia said, “I couldn’t really tell whether it was a cash advance or a contingency fund because when my husband handed me the money, he just said, “Sweetheart, ingatan mo ‘to… pang-shopping!”

Jocjoc to be Deported
US authorities will deport former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante before the end of October. But Bolante’s legal counsel Ira Azulay refused to reveal the exact return date saying, “We’re concerned about his safety.” That’s actually a valid concern… because if he gets “kidnapped” when he arrives at the NAIA, he cannot expect support from the La Salle Brothers. He’s Atenean.

Jocjoc to be Deported 2
Lawyer Harry Roque is all over the news again announcing with certainty that former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante will be deported in 24 hours. I know for a fact that Roque’s a UP professor (and I admire him) but I didn’t know he’s with the US Department of Homeland Security.

__________
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
- Plato





KARMA

16 10 2008

null ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host
ABS-CBN suspended the talent contract of libel convict and TV/radio host Cristy Fermin following her explosive tirade against actress Nadia Montenegro which the network said violated the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity. In another report dismissed as “unrelated” by Fermin herself, Kris Aquino has reportedly issued a statement saying, “God is really good and God knows how much I have missed The Buzz.”

ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host II
Libel convict Cristy Fermin has been suspended by ABS-CBN “for violating the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity.” She’ll neither appear on “The Buzz” nor host her radio program on DZMM. Likewise, she’ll automatically be barred from entering the province of Rizal… unless the governor lifts the ban on the entry of Metro Manila garbage.

ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host III
Less than a week after ABS-CBN News boss Maria Ressa fired Cristy Fermin’s protégé – showbiz columnist Ogie Diaz for violating the network’s code of ethics, ABS-CBN Entertainment suspended Fermin for violating the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity. Last month, the network also suspended news executive Luchi Cruz-Valdez and Ces Drilon was also suspended for disobeying her superiors. With these recent developments, ABS-CBN insiders are left with one question: “Bakit sobrang lakas ng kapit ni Willie Revillame?”

null ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host IV
After dismissing tabloid columnist Ogie Diaz, ABS-CBN suspended Cristy Fermin. Network executives were quick to deny allegations… of “ethnic cleansing.”

Dangerous Places
The International Federation of Journalists says Iraq is still the most dangerous place in the world for journalists followed by the African nation of Somalia. In close third was ABS-CBN.


Madonna-Guy Ritchie Divorce
British newspapers say Madonna and Guy Ritchie are splitting up. The rumor intensified when Madonna was spotted in Hong Kong with her make-up artist.

Madonna-Guy Ritchie Divorce II
British newspapers say Madonna and Guy Ritchie are splitting up. Local newspapers are not buying it though… unless Fanny Serrano issues a confirmation.

null Top RP Universities
Overtaking the University of the Philippines System, Ateneo De Manila University topped the 2008 survey of Philippine universities conducted by The Times Higher Education-Quacquarelli Symonds (THE-QS). Perennnial frontrunner UP System doubted the survey saying it did not participate this year after THE-QS asked for an advertising fee of $49,000 or P2M pesos. Distant third placer De La Salle University also issued a statement on Ateneo’s feat. It blamed the referees.

__________
People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.
- Edith Wharton








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