OF NURSES AND PENISES

3 03 2013

“Actually, hindi naman kailangan ang nurse ay matapos ng BSN kasi itong ating mga nurses, gusto lang nila maging ‘Room Nurse.’ Sa America or sa other countries, ano lang sila, ‘yong parang mang-aalaga. Hindi naman sila kailangan ganoon kagaling kasi sa ibang country…”
~Mrs. Cynthia Villar’s answer to a panelist’s question (Pagsubok/GMA News)

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SENATORIAL ASPIRANT Cynthia Villar drew flak for her answer (to a debate question) deemed offensive and insulting by Filipino nurses. Here’s an unsolicited advice to Mrs Villar: Avoid careless statements, avoid generalizations, and avoid getting confined in a hospital in the next few days.

In a statement, Mrs. Villar said the 30-second time limit was “too short’” for her to expound on the issue. To which, the clock replied, “So fault ko? Mukha mo!”

For Cynthia Villar, 30 seconds was too short to answer an issue but too long to create a new term: ‘Room Nurse.’

On Twitter, senatorial candidate Cynthia Villar insisted that she holds “the nursing profession in high regard.” Except when there’s a time limit.

In Other News…
Summer will officially start this week according to PAGASA. People are going to feel the heat soon, or in the case of Cynthia Villar, “now.”

1Defiant
The Diocese of Bacolod defied Comelec’s repeated order to remove the illegal campaign tarps outside the San Sebastian Cathedral. Church leaders refuse to follow the rules on campaigning. Who the hell do you think you are, senatoriables?!?

The Commission on Elections is set to file charges against the Diocese of Bacolod for putting up oversized, illegal campaign propaganda outside the San Sebastian Cathedral. If charged, tried, and found guilty, the defiant leader of the Diocese of Bacolod may spend time with prison inmates. Well played Bishop, well played.

Sabah Conflict
Sultan Jamalul Kiram III’s men holed up in Sabah insisting that the land originally belonged to them. They won’t leave because they believe they’re the righful owners. If the situation still confuses you, think Luisita farmers minus the bloodshed.

Mars Mission
American millionaire Dennis Tito wants to send a married couple (a man and a woman) to planet Mars by 2018. That’s one costly, ambitious… divorce plan.

In Dennis Tito’s planned Mars mission, a man will be placed with his wife inside a capsule for 501 days. Or as the man would call it, “calvary.”

American millionaire Dennis Tito is looking for a married couple to be sent to planet Mars. Filipino nurses have a couple in mind.

The Penis Mightier…
In Jakarta… a mother killed her 9-year-old son for having a small penis. A number of Filipino lawmakers would probably be in trouble if they’re from Indonesia.

A 38-year-old woman killed her son for having a small dick. The mother was quoted to have said that her son would have a bleak future with his small penis. I guess he’s got a brighter future now.

This Indonesian woman is sick! Just because a guy’s manhood is small doesn’t mean he’ll have a bleak future. You can ask our president!
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“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
~Benjamin Franklin

Sound Bites
“The 30-second limit for me to answer the question posed on the news program was too short to give the complete details surrounding the issue. I hope that this statement will clarify the issue. I am sorry if it has created confusion. Thank you.”
~Mrs. Cynthia Villar’s statement in response to criticisms following her controversial answer to a debate question

Update (Monday morning) Mrs. Villar set her Twitter account to “public” again and posted this tweet:
“Taos-puso po akong humihingi ng paumanhin sa lahat ng mga nurse at kani-kanilang pamilya na labis na nasaktan sa aking kasagutan sa tanong na ibinato sa akin sa isang programa sa TV.

Alam ko po ang sakripisyo at hirap na pinagdaanan ng mga nurse, mga nursing students at kanilang mga magulang at pamilya upang maitaguyod ang kanilang pag-aaral at propesyon. Hindi rin po lingid sa akin ang malaking tulong ng mga nurse dito sa Pilipinas at sa ibang bansa na nagta-trabaho nang lubos upang makatulong sa kanilang pamilya.

Humihingi po ako ng pang-unawa sa kahat ng mga nasaktan sa aking sinabi. Wala po akong intensyong maliitin ang mga Filipino nurses.”

Have a great week ahead. Summer is here!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: TeamPatay/Buhay: Rappler/CharieSalceda; GMA Network for Mrs. Villar's photo. AP]





AND THE OSCAR GOES TO…

25 02 2013

THE 85th ACADEMY AWARDS were held Monday morning (Philippine time). On cable TV, it was shown on Velvet Channel. The best part of the live telecast was when no political ads were aired.

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The Best Picture trophy went to ‘Argo.’ It’s about a successful rescue of hostages in Iran. The rescue was successful so definitely it didn’t happen in Manila.

The Ben Affleck-helmed political thriller ‘Argo’ won Best Picture beating out Steven Spielberg’s epic film ‘Lincoln.’ And the Republicans’ losing streak continues.

Daniel Day Lewis won an award for his role as president – the same role Jejomar Binay can hardly wait to play.

The oldest best actress nominee ever, Emmanuelle Riva turned 86 on Oscar night… making her a potential candidate for Senate President.

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Quevenzhané Wallis was the youngest best actress nominee ever at 9. Like “Life of Pi’s” Suraj Sharma, she was inexperienced when discovered. They’re both good and have a lot of promise. It’s unlikely for them to get that coveted win soon though. They’re like the Bam Aquino of the Oscars.

As expected, Austria’s ‘Amour’ won the award for Best Foreign Language Film. It triumphed over entries from Denmark, Chile, Norway, and Canada. Denmark’s entry was ‘A Royal Affair,’ a film about a high-ranking leader’s wife who fell in love with a doctor. Koko Pimentel hated the movie.

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US First Lady Michelle Obama presented the nominees and announced the Oscar winner for Best Picture. Everyone was surprised to see her. She was the night’s mane attraction.

This year’s program was realllllly long! It’s even longer than the Estrada presidency!

The Oscar Awards are over. We can now move on and focus our attention on real actors – the politicians.

2013 Elections: Ansabeh/Ang Totoo
Ansabeh: “Ipagpapatuloy ko ang nasimulan ng aking ama, ina, asawa, ate at kuya.”
Ang totoo: “Ke mabuti o masama, basta! Ipagpapatuloy ko pa rin.”

Ansabeh: “Gusto kong magkaroon kayo ng trabaho.”
Ang totoo: “Pero bago kayo magkaroon, ako muna! Boto na!”

Ansabeh: “Political ad paid for by friends of (candidate)”
Ang totoo: “Saan naman kukuha ng pera ang friends ko? At bakit naman sila gagastos for me? Ako ang nagbayad nito.”

Ansabeh: “Kapag ibinoto n’yo kami, gaganda ang inyong buhay.”
Ang totoo: “’Yon nga lang, hindi kasing-ginhawa ng buhay namin. Pero, pwede na.”

Ansabeh: “Kapag ako ang nanalo, ipagpapatayo ko kaagad kayo ng kalsada at tulay!”
Ang totoo: “Kailangang makakumisyon agad para mabawi ang gastos sa kampanya!”

Ansabeh: “Nais kong magkaroon kayo ng pagkain sa inyong hapag-kainan.”
Ang totoo: “Magtrabaho kayo! Mga tamad! Asa na lang lagi sa amin!”

Ansabeh: “Walang masama sa political dynasty basta’t naglilingkod.”
Ang totoo: “Wala talaga. D’yan yumaman ang angkan namin ‘noh!”

Ansabeh: “Namimigay lang kami ng iPad. Pero hindi kami nangangampanya!”
Ang totoo: “Baka lang makalusot. Subok lang. Hehe”

Ansabeh: “Wala akong alam d’yan. Volunteers ko ang may pakana n’yan. Pero sorry na rin.”
Ang totoo: “Baka makalusot ulit. Subok lang ulit. Hehe ”

Ansabeh: “Ang aking pangarap… mawala na ang mahihirap.”
Ang totoo: “Ay mali! Sorry. ‘Kahirapan’ pala.”

Ansabeh: “Ang aking pangarap… mawala na ang kahirapan.”
Ang totoo: “Pero ‘wag naman lahat ng mahihirap. Sino pang uutuin namin kapag eleksyon ‘pag nawala kayo?”

Ansabeh: “Hangad kong magkaroon ng libreng edukasyon ang inyong mga anak.”
Ang totoo: “Pasalamat kayo, libre. ‘Yong kids ko nga, inaabot ng 200,000 pesos ang tuition annually. And take note, grade school pa lang ‘yon sa Ateneo De La Salle International School huh!”

In Other News…
In his last public prayer, an emotional Pope Benedict XVI told Catholics that God wanted him to retire… confirming earlier rumors that he was actually fired!
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“Promises were like laws; smart men knew when to break both.”
~C.J. Hill, Slayers

Sound Bites
“Thank you, movie god.”
~Ang Lee, accepting the best director Oscar for Life of Pi.

“Marami sa inyo nagtatanong: sino ba si Nancy Binay? Alam n’yo, katulad niyo po ako. Ako po ay isang ina, isang kapatid at isang anak. Parang teleserye ‘noh?”
~Nancy Binay, candidate for senator

Have a happy and productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.








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