BOXERS

14 04 2013

CITING JAMBY MADRIGAL’s tough stance against corruption, President Aquino likened her to boxer Mike Tyson. Dear Mr. President, Kesyo Jamby Madrigal, Mike Tyson agad? ‘Di ba pwedeng Laila Ali muna?”

1ndDonaire Loses
The Filipino Flash, Nonito Donaire Jr. lost his WBA super bantamweight title to Cuba’s Guillermo Rigondeaux. Reporters are verifying rumors that Donaire recently changed his religion.

Before Sunday’s fight, Donaire was undefeated for 12 long years – which was really nothing compared to the Binays of Makati who are undefeated for 26 years.

Just last week, Brian Viloria lost his fight. This week, Nonito Donaire was beaten. They say it comes in threes. Jamby Madrigal is worried.

According to Compubox, Rigondeaux landed 129 of 396 punches while Donaire, who tasted his first defeat in 30 fights landed only 82 of 352 punches. Moral of the story: Do not eat fries. Fries are unhealthy; bad for the body.

After 12 rounds, all three judges scored the bout for Rigondeaux: 114-113, 115-112, and 116-111. The decision of the board of judges is final unless the Supreme Court of the Philippines intervenes and issues a status quo ante order.

For Filipino boxing fans, the fight was excruciating to watch. The only thing more excruciating was Dyan Castillejo’s live annotation and analysis.

The Donaire-Rigondeaux fight lasted 12 rounds. ABS-CBN’s commercials lasted 12 days.

Top 7 Reactions to Nonito Donaire Jr’s Loss

No. 7: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: “Baka shabihin ng preshidente n’yo, kashalanan ko na naman ‘yan. Shumoshobra na sha!”

No. 6: Jackie Enrile: “Grabe ang ginawa ng kalaban niya. Demolition job!”

No. 5: Chiz Escudero: “Natalo man, hindi man napanatili ang korona, sa tingin ko ay hindi ‘yon dahilan para yurakan ang kanyang pagkatao.”

No. 4: Cynthia Villar: “Hindi ko kilala si Rigondeaux. Pero hindi naman kailangang gano’n kapopular para manalo ka.”

No. 3: Nancy Binay: “Wala akong oras para mag-react. Busy po ako sa kampanya. Magre-react na lang ako sa privilege speech ko sa Senado.”

No. 2: ER Ejercito “Hindi lang boksingero si Rigondeaux. Cuban rin siya. At hindi siya basta-bastang Cubano! Gold medalist siya sa 2000 Olympics! Gold medalist siya sa 2004 Olympics!”

And the No. 1 reaction to Donaire’s loss…

Migz Zubiri: “Nakausap ko po si Nonito mismo after the fight. Inamin po niya sa akin na isa siyang battered boxer.”

Quick Count
According to the Commission on Elections, the winners in the May 13 polls will likely be known within 48 hours. Unless of course the elections are held in Imus, Cavite which takes three years or more to determine the winner.

North vs. South
North Korea threatened to launch missiles aimed at South Korea. As a preemptive measure, South Korea launched Psy’s second single, ‘Gentleman.’
—————————————
“Boxers, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.”
~(Irish) Wayne Kelly

Sound Bites
“I apologize. I have no excuse. He beat me tonight. I gave it all I got. I never studied the fight and I should have.”
~Nonito Donaire Jr.

Personal
NBA legend Kobe Bryant will be out for 9 months. He just had a successful surgery to repair his torn left Achilles’ tendon. Get well soon Black Mamba!

12kb

Have a safe week everyone!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





SHE WILL SURVIVE

30 11 2009


PRESIDENT ARROYO has officially filed her certificate of candidacy for a Congressional seat in her home province of Pampanga in next year’s polls. This parody of a Gloria Gaynor hit was inspired by this latest political development.

Note: Before you start singing, please right click this link and open in a new window for musical accompaniment.

GMA:
“First, I am not afraid
I’m not petrified
Kept thinking I could always live
with immunity by my side
Though I spent so many nights
thinking I did nothing wrong
I am strong
I learned how to carry on

So I’ll go back
to my old place
’Though I walked out to find you all
with that mad look upon your face
I should replace my stupid son
I’d soon be their congresswoman
If I had known it’s quick and easy
I should’ve just run for VP

THE PEOPLE:
Go on now go, walk out the door
just disappear now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who tried not to bid your post goodbye
you think you’d Con Ass
you think we’d let you even try

GMA:
Oh no, not I
I will survive
oh as long as i know how to bribe
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my cash to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to fight
the media, the Left, and all bishops
and I spent oh so many nights
rehearsing how to perfect lies
I will not cry
I will hold my head up high

And you’ll see me
in Congress soon
I will not be that stuck-up person
who refused to hold press cons
I now hope for charter change
In twenty-ten, yeah, hopefully
I’ll be saving all my power
for what else? Prime Ministry!

THE PEOPLE:
Go on now go, walk out the door
just disappear now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who freed Bolante and Garci
you think they’re friendly
you redefined impunity

GMA:
Oh no, not I
I will survive
oh as long as i know how to bribe
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my cash to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive hey hey

Thank you Ms Pia Hontiveros-Pagkalinawan for featuring this post on ANC’s Strictly Politics.
_________
“Doesn’t the fight for survival also justify swindle and theft? In self defense, anything goes.” ~Imelda Marcos

Survey Says
Who should be 2009′s “Filipino(s) of the Year?”
Efren Peñaflorida and his “Kariton Klassroom” group :31%
Manny Pacquiao for his 7th world title :5%
Ordinary Filipinos/volunteers during the onslaught of twin typhoons Ondoy and Pepeng :64%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





SAVAGE II

27 11 2009

FIFTY-SEVEN PEOPLE MURDERED. It’s hard to write a funny blog entry when the week’s biggest issue involves not just a family of political warlords but a clan of savage beasts.

Photos of the Weak

Ano ang angkop na caption, pamagat, o deskripsyon para sa mga larawang ito?
A) “Zoo Warning: Huwag lumapit sa hayop. Pumapatay.”

B) “Hindi ako natatakot! Si Siegfred Fortun ang abogado ko! Abogado yata ni Erap ‘yun!”

C) “Humanda kayong lahat paglabas ko rito!”

D) “So, ganyan pala ang hitsura n’yong mga journalists kapag buhay kayo. ‘Sensya na huh! ‘Yung huling grupo kasi ng mga journalists na nakita ko, nakapikit lahat eh.”

E) “Hindi po totoong pinatalsik kami sa Lakas-Kampi-CMD. Plano talaga naming lumipat sa Liberal Party!”

F) “Breaking News: Zoologists baffled at captured beast with human-like features”
________
“Violence in any form is evil and to kill innocents is tantamount to blatant savagery.”
~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Survey Says
Note: This poll was posted before the Supreme Court ruled that political advertisements may be aired/shown outside the campaign period.
Should the Comelec allow the showing of the movies of celebrities seeking elective posts in 2010?
YES. 10%
NO. 65%
Whatever. I don’t care. 24%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a SAFE weekend.

In Memoriam
(Thanks to Julius Babao for the link to this image)

Elsewhere
Newsbreak Online says ‘Cory Aquino gave Ampatuan patriarch his break’ Interesting. Ano kaya ang reaksyon ni Noynoy Aquino tungkol dito? Let’s see. Baka kailangan munang mag-retreat.





KABAYAN

12 09 2009

noli_dc De Castro and the Palace
Did you hear the news? Malacañang has given Vice President Noli De Castro a deadline to join Lakas-CMD-Kampi. Kabayan vowed to make a final decision after Manny Villar has made a final offer.

Top 10 Questions Vice President Noli De Castro Should Ask Himself Before Accepting the Invitation of Malacañang to Join the Administration Party

No. 10: Deadline? Eh sino bang 1 percent lang sa survey, ako o si Gibo?

No. 9: Am I this desperate to become president?

No. 8: Since my home studio, ABS-CBN is expected to back Noynoy Aquino, who will then support me – NBN 4?!?

No. 7: Is my future running mate, Ronnie Puno – capable of pulling off another “Sulo Hotel Operation” to secure our party’s victory?

No. 6: If yes, why am I tempted to allow it?

No. 5: Can Lakas CMD-Kampi match the multimillion-peso offer of my Wednesday Club buddy Manny Villar?

No. 4: Teka, saan ko na nga ba inilagay ‘yong tseke?

No. 3: If I would be drafted as Lakas Party’s standard bearer and ANC invites me to a series of presidential debate (to be moderated by UP professor Cheche Lazaro in English), can I just send someone on my behalf?

No. 2: How prepared am I to lose?

And the No.1 question Vice President Noli De Castro should ask himself before accepting the invitation of Malacañang to join the administration party…

Saan ako pupulutin pagkatapos ng halalan sa 2010?

Briefly Noted
Apparently, Manila Standard Today gossip columnist Victor Agustin a.ka. “Philippine Daily Inquirer’s pain in the ass” is misinformed. That post about the ex-Future First Lady was not written as a “chain mail” as he just claimed. People who read the post just started re-posting and circulating the article. Aba! Malay ko bang pati mga taga-Asian Development Bank eh nakiisa na rin pala sa pagpapakalat ng artikulo. Here’s Mr. Agustin’s gossip item on that blog post.

__________
“There’s nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.”
~Scott Adam





SAVING FACE

2 09 2009

Tabloid Headline, September 2, 2009

Dalawang prominenteng pamilya sa Pilipinas lumuluha
Ka Erdie Manalo, pumanaw;
Sen. Mar Roxas, umayaw!

sukonako Roxas Withdraws
Sen. Mar Roxas has dropped his bid for the presidency next year. If he could only turn back time, he would have prayed much harder for Tita Cory’s recovery.

Mar Roxas has announced his decision to drop his presidential ambition in 2010. Joseph Estrada lauded Mar’s statesmanship. Chiz Escudero hailed Mar’s selflessness. And Manny Villar praised Mar’s performance… in the SWS and Pulse Asia surveys.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who’s been trailing in recent surveys, will no longer seek the presidency in 2010. His family and supporters call it an “act of sacrifice,” otherwise known as “graceful exit.”

Mar Roxas will no longer run for president in 2010. He has also adopted a new slogan, “Lacson, hindi ka nag-iisa.”

Last week, Pampanga governor Among Ed Panlilio declared that he was willing to forego his presidential ambition if Noynoy Aquino would seek the presidency. Panlilio will reportedly make a formal announcement as soon as he gets a go signal from God. ‘Di pa niya kasi nakakausap ulit.

mar_korina_eeeeew In a press conference held last night, Mar Roxas announced that he has dropped his plans to become president in 2010. Fighting back tears, he said, “Bayan bago ang sarili. Maniwala man kayo o hindi, ginagawa ko ito para sa bayan.” And just to prove his love of country, he is also dropping his plan to become a groom next month.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said withdrawing from the 2010 presidential race was the hardest decision he has ever made in his entire life… next only to his decision to marry Korina Sanchez.

Broadcaster Korina Sanchez was seen crying while Mar Roxas was making the important announcement at Club Filipino. Apparently, hindi siya handa.

marnoy2009 In an emotional speech at Club Filipino, Mar Roxas expressed support for Noynoy Aquino’s candidacy for president. He promised, “Hindi kami maghihiwalay ni Noy.” Korina Sanchez cried even more.

The good news is Mar Roxas has officially announced that he shall give way to Noynoy Aquino in 2010. The bad news is Korina Sanchez still refuses to give way to Shalani Soledad.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas made two important decisions yesterday, September 1. First he changed his mind and dropped his bid for president. Second, he changed his Friendster status from “In a Relationship to “It’s Complicated.”

mar_pedicab Mar Roxas has canceled his bid for the presidency in 2010. An hour before he made the announcement, he canceled his contract with the ad agency that created his TV commercials. He told them, “’Tang-inaaaaa! Ano ba ‘tong ginawa n’yo!?”

Mar Roxas is no longer running for president. He now seriously considers accepting ABS-CBN’s offer to replace Willie Revillame on Wowowee.

Top 7 Movie Remakes About Sen. Mar Roxas’ Decision to Drop His Bid for the Presidency

No. 7: Kung Fu Malya (Sa Surveys)

No. 6: I, Lowbat

No. 5: My Best Friend’s Quitting / Look Who’s Quitting

No. 4: Race/Off

No. 3: Ganito Kayo ni Korina Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon?

No. 2: Kung Mangarap Ka’t Magising… na Wala Kang Tsansang Manalo

And the No. 1 movie remake about Sen. Mar Roxas’ decision to drop his bid for the presidency…

We’re Not Just that Into You

In Other News
Reports say former First Lady Imelda Marcos is pushing her son Bongbong to run for president in 2010… to which the Ilocos Norte representative quipped, “Sure! Pero sa isang kondisyon: mamatay ka muna.”

manalo Ka Erdie, 84
Iglesia ni Cristo executive minister, Eraño ‘Ka Erdy’ Manalo passed away Monday, August 31. The INC leadership has released a memorandum circular calling on all members to observe bloc mourning.

Senate Hearing on ZTE
In yesterday’s Senate hearing on the canceled ZTE NBN deal, businessman Joey De Venecia insisted, “I am a victim of this anomalous contract.” Ulol!
_____________
“A good sacrifice is one that is not necessarily sound but leaves your opponent dazed and confused.”
~Nigel Short





VILLAR’S BET

15 08 2009

VILLAR-WILLIE
Willie for Senator?
Did you hear the news? Senator Manuel Villar announced that he would reserve a slot for Willie Revillame in his party’s senatorial ticket if the latter decides to run for a Senate seat. Rumors say some party members do not approve of the idea. But just to show how fond he has become of the controversial tv host… if other party members reject Revillame’s inclusion in the party’s senate slate, Villar vows to insert his name.

Presidential aspirant Manuel Villar says his Nacionalista Party will reserve a slot for Willie Revillame if he decides to seek a Senate seat. But some party members are reportedly not sold to such idea. When Revillame heard this, he told Villar, “Paano naman ako magsasaya kung ganyan? Mamili ka: ako o sila?”

With regard to Willie Revillame’s possible inclusion in the Nacionalista Party’s official senate slate, presidential aspirant Manuel Villar said, “Very qualified naman si Willie. Wala naman akong nakikitang problema kay Willie.” Shut up Johnny Manahan!

This just in! In anticipation of Revillame’s joining Villar’s NP, the group has decided to adopt a new slogan: “This party will self destruct in 2010 seconds.”

Sen. Manuel Villar’s Nacionalista Party will reserve a slot for Willie Revillame if he decides to run for senator in 2010. When Sen. Mar Roxas heard this, he told his staff, “Set me a meeting with Wally and Jose. Now na!”

0WIL Top Five Anti-Willie Revillame Political Bumper Stickers

No. 5: A Vote for Willie is A Vote for Obscenity

No. 4: Kung si Villar Bilib Sa ‘Yo, Kami Hindi!

No. 3: Libing ni Cory o Game Show ni Willie: The Choice is Yours

No. 2: Willie for Senator: Ano bang kasalanan namin at ginaganito n’yo kami?

And the No. 1 Anti-Willie Revillame bumper sticker…

Senator Willie sa 2010: Dahil matatapos na ang termino ni Lito Lapid
________
“Desperate maladies require desperate remedies.”
~French Proverb

Light Bites
Modern sayings & proverbs inspired by some famous political & entertainment figures

President Arroyo
Magpakahaba-haba man ang prusisyon,
sa Kamara rin ang tuloy.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal
Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga;
Kapag may demanda, may mana

Sen. Manuel Villar Jr.
Kapag may isinuksok
May madudukot
Kapag doble ang isinuksok
May Senate probe

Joseph Estrada
Necessity is the mother of reelection.

Sen. Mar Roxas
Nasa tao ang gawa,
Na kay Mar ang ngawa
(Ramdam ko kayo, promise!)

Reps. Danilo Suarez and Martin Romualdez
There’s no such thing as a free lunch
Free dinner, meron.

Press Sec. Cerge Remonde
Nahuhuli sa bibig ang isda;
Lalo na kung puntong Bisaya

Atty. Romy Macalintal
Ang taong nagigipit
Media ang iniipit

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Ang sundalong nasusugatan
Umaatras sa laban

Former Police Sr. Supt. Cezar Mancao II
Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan
Witnes Protection Program ang pinagtataguan
(Ayaw ni Lacson ng ganyan!)

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr.
Ang taong nagigipit
Sa La Sallista kumakapit.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago
Matalino man ang matsing…
Basta. Matalino s’ya.

First Gentleman Mike Arroyo
Aanhin mo ang palasyo, kung ang nakatira ay kuwago
Mabuti pa ang bungalow, ang nakatira ay si Rufa Mae Quinto

Philippine Basketball Association (PBA)
Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika
Fil-Am.

Manny Pacquiao
Ang sakit ng kalingkingan
Tanggal sa Alaxan

Embassy Bar’s Tim Yap
Aanhin pa ang damo
kung Ecstasy na ang uso

Have a great weekend!

Survey Says…
Should Carlo J. Caparas and Cecile Guidote-Alvarez return their National Artist awards?
YES, Out of delicadeza: 75%
NO, They deserve it: 14%
I don’t really care: 11%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





2010

12 07 2009

2010
The Top 12 Predicted Top 10 Topics of this Blog in May 2010

No. 12: The Top 10 Most Disgusting Political Advertisements

No. 11: The Top 10 Signs ABS-CBN Supported Presidential Bet Mar Roxas

No. 10: The Top 10 Reasons Why Dr. Vicki Belo Failed in Her Senatorial Bid

No. 9: The Top 10 Additional Benefits for Makati City Residents As Revealed By Winning Opposition Senator Jejomar Binay

No. 8: The Top 10 Real Reasons Why Every Presidential Candidate Was Present in Each of the Nine Healing Masses for Cory Aquino Two Weeks Before the Polls

No. 7: Ang Sampung Pinakabonggang Dahilan Kung Bakit Nanguna sa Halalang Pam-Party List ang Grupong “Ang Ladlad” – Promise!

No. 6: The Top 10 Alibis Given by Presidential Candidate Bro. Eddie Villanueva When His Flock of “Five Million” Voted for Someone Else… Again!

No. 5: The Top 10 A-List Celebrities Spotted at the Victory Party of Cong. Manny Pacquiao

No. 4: The Top 10 Things that Could Have Happened If Vice President Noli De Castro Rejected Sen. Manuel Villar’s Millions and Ran for President Instead

No. 3: The Top 10 Ways Korina Sanchez Reacted When Defeated Presidential Candidate Mar Roxas Reportedly Told Her: “Show’s over. And so are we.”

No. 2: The Top 10 Possible Challengers of Newly-Elected Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to the post of Prime Minister

And the No. 1 Predicted Top 10 topic of this blog in May 2010…

The Top 10 Reasons Why the Commission on Elections Declared A Failure of Automated Elections
___________
“Never make predictions, especially about the future.”
~ Casey Stengel

Awesome!
This is hilarious. Just change the name in the URL to personalize your own “tribute.” Thanks to Mel for this.
Here is the link.





CONGRESSWOMAN

13 06 2009

gma_cong GMA in Congress
According to reports, President Arroyo has decided to finally step down as president in 2010. She now wants to be a plain House wife.

And I heard the President is really excited to register a victory next year – if ever, her first since winning the vice presidency in 1998.

President Arroyo has reportedly decided run for a Congressional seat in her home province of Pampanga in 2010. But before she made the decision, she asked her political advisers, “Will I still lead by one million?”

Agrarian Reform Sec. Nasser Pangandaman yesterday revealed that President Arroyo often spoke about her plans of seeking a Congressional seat in Pampanga next year. Pangandaman said Mrs. Arroyo would always tell her political plans to her circle of close friends that includes him – until yesterday.

The confirmation that President Arroyo will run for Congress in 2010 neither came from the Chief Executive nor from her spokesmen. It was Nasser Pangandaman who disclosed the information. Just so you know, Pangandaman is the secretary of agrarian reform – as of press time.

Top 5 Rejected Slogans for President Arroyo’s Congressional Campaign in 2010

No. 5:
Ang tunay na Pampanga’s best ay ‘di ‘yang tocino
Kundi ang inyong lingkod, Congresswoman Arroyo!

No. 4:
Mga Arroyo sa Kamara ay hindi pa sapat
Dagdagan ng isa ang kasalukuyang apat!

No. 3:
Pork barrel ng Kongreso, handa kong ibasura
Hangga’t kakampi ko ang mga Pineda!

No. 2:
I will serve the community
For the sake of immunity!

And the No.1 rejected slogan for President Arroyo’s congressional campaign in 2010…

Presidente ngayon… kongresista bukas
Target: Prime Minister, isulong ang Con Ass!

rubyrose The Barrameda Murder
Of course, you’ve heard about the case of 26-year-old Ruby Rose Barrameda-Jimenez, sister of former actress and beauty queen Rochelle Barrameda. Ruby Rose’ decomposing body was found inside a drum which was poured with concrete. Yup! Dead, drum, and concrete. When the news of the gruesome killing came out, Sen. Panfilo Lacson immediately issued a statement denying any involvement.

Anti-CPP Agency Abolished
President Arroyo has abolished an inter-agency group formed to prosecute communist leaders. She came to that decision when she realized it’s difficult to prosecute members of the House of Representatives.

Da Who?
A TV program has an exclusive interview with a former sexy actress (FSA) in a Quezon City hospital. The interview was conducted when FSA sought medical treatment after being beaten black and blue by her abusive politician husband. FSA actually planned to file a complaint against him but a reporter-friend prevailed upon her to settle the row in private.
Clue No. 1: The cruel husband is a local government executive in a province adjacent to Metro Manila.
Clue No. 2: Cruel husband’s father (FSA’s father-in-law) has recently announced his intention to seek the presidency in 2010.
________
“Ambition is the last refuge of failure.”
~Oscar Wilde

Survey Says
Do you believe in presidential surveys?
Hell, NO: 71%
Sometimes: 22%
Absolutely, YES: 7%

We have a new and socially-relevant survey. Please vote now. Good luck!








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