ALAM MO NA! [Krissy For You, Super Mario atbp. Kwento]

20 09 2014

“NAKAKALOKA! Akala ako it was Ondoy all over again! Ganito ang nangyari Darla.

1KA
I slept at around 11:45PM last Thursday kasi nga it was starting to rain na and ‘bed weather’ talaga. Maaga namang natulog ang mga bagets ‘tsaka early ang taping ko the next day so I decided to sleep na rin. Paggising ko ng 7AM, gosh, it was still raining hard and flooded na raw ang Metro Manila. So I texted Darla to inform her na magpapatila lang ako nang konti. Pero naloka ako nang bonggang-bongga dahil 10 o’clock na, umuulan pa rin. And the news was like, grabe! It was baha na raw everywhere. Hindi ko kinaya si typhoon Mario! Walang tigil! Parang bibig ko lang. Aha-ha-ha!

Dahil stranded naman ang mga tao sa kani-kanilang mga bahay, at canceled ang taping namin, I decided to answer na lang the issues hounding me. Oo! Hounding me talaga. Bakit? Eh talaga namang maraming isyu about me eh. So sasagutin ko na lang here para matapos na.

But first, allow me to salute ABS-CBN News for this timely and relevant story. Promise, nakasalalay rito ang GNP growth ng Pilipinas sa susunod na quarter. Ito ‘yon.

1BUL

He’s so kawawa. I mean, look at those eyes. I can’t imagine myself inside that car for 11 hours. It’s so matagal! If I were him, I would have probably died. Kawawa naman si Bimby ‘tsaka si Josh. ‘Tapos wala nang magtatatanggol kay Kuya Noy. I can’t even. As in! So, to that boy in the car, if you’re reading this, I hope you got home safely. Winner ka huh! Na-news ka pa!

Wait! Gusto nga raw palang mag-hi ng mga taga-Tatalon, Quezon City.

1
Moving on… last Thursday, I was invited by Tito Jojo Binay sa PICC for his speech. You know naman, I’m really close to his daughter Anne. And the Binays are loyal to my mom. Alam mo na! Kaya lang, I thought baka magalit sa akin si Kuya Noy at sabihan na naman ako, “Kristina, ‘wag ka na sabing makialam sa pulitika. Cough. Cough. Cough.” Aha-ha-ha As if naman makokontrol niya akong magsalita ‘di ba? Anyway, nagsabi ako kay Tito Jojo na ‘di ako makakarating. Buti na lang, nando’n sina Tito Butz, Tito Peping at Tita Tingting so keri lang na wala ako. Well-represented naman ang both sides ng family so bongga!

Sa mga nagtatanong kung anong stand ko sa corruption issue against the Binays… ito lang ang masasabi ko: Care bears! Ang importante, we support each other at tumatanaw kami ng utang na loob sa isa’t isa. Besides, Tito Jojo is an action man! Last Friday nga, siya ang unang nag-distribute ng relief goods sa mga typhoon victims. Hindi nagsisinungaling ang evidence. Look!

1InaAndolong

Overpriced din kaya ang eco-bag? Joooke! Aha-ha-ha! By the way, I’d like to thank nga pala Nancy for the cake and silvanas she sent last night. Naloka naman ako sa sobrang taas ng cake mo! Eleven tiers talaga?!? World class?!? Sa sobrang taas ng cake, chineck ko tuloy kung may elevator. Aha-ha-ha You’re so sweet. Love na kitaaaa!

1KH
I’m so happy right now kasi Boy is so back. He lost a few pounds pero keri lang. Lalo ko siyang na-appreciate, promise. Sana na-appreciate din niya ang gift kong Hummer. At sa mga bumabatikos sa akin for announcing it to the world, mamatay kayo sa inggit haters! I mean, it’s just a Hummer, you know. What’s wrong with spending a few millions for a dear friend? Pinaghirapan ko ang perang ‘yon at hindi ninakaw. ‘Tsaka it’s not the first time na nagbigay ako ng sasakyan sa kaibigan. Hellllo! May donor’s tax pa ‘yan! I’ll pay for it so may kontribusyon na naman ako sa government! Kaya pleaaaaase, enough of the inggit and bitterness. Hellllllo!

Speaking of nakaw, laugh ako nang laugh sa kumakalat ngayong pic sa Facebook. May nakawala raw senador sa kulungan! Ayokong sabihin kung sino sa kanilang tatlo. Bahala na kayong mag-decide. Aha-ha-ha!

1FBpig
Gusto ko nga palang i-clarify ang lumabas na blind item sa column ni Tito Ricky Lo. The impression that I got was HP daw ako these days because of Toni Rose Gayda’s ex-husband Moonie Lim. Kasi naman post ako nang post ng pictures ng flowers na ipinapadala niya. So feeling ko tuloy, umasa siya. Can I just be honest? Hindi ko s’ya type. Sorry. Basta. I need not explain. You know naman my exes: Alvin, Philip, Joey, and James. Ayaw ko nang mag-elaborate. Refer na lang to this infographic. Aha-ha-ha.

Sa mga bashers na madalas akong sabihang malanding-malandi at sabik na sabik sa lalaki… this time, MALING-MALI kayo. OA naman ‘yong “sabik na sabik!” Sabik lang! Aha-ha-ha No, seriously, kuntento na ako sa kung anumang meron ako ngayon. Pero sana balikan ako ni Mayor Herbert. Promise!

Before I end, somebody’s asking nga pala kung ano raw ang masasabi ko sa paglusong ni Korina sa baha at pagsakay niya sa pedicab while reporting. NR! I’ve seen that padyak before. ‘Tsaka ayokong maging plastic ‘no! NoyBi kami forever. Unless… magpadala ng 15-tiered cake si Ate Koring – with world-class escalator. Aha-ha-ha!

1KS

Abangan n’yo nga pala ang sequel sa blockbuster movie kong ‘Feng Shui’ – ito po ang official entry ko sa Metro Manila Scream Festival. Hoy! ‘Wag n’yong maliitin ang project kong ‘to! Ang laki ng hirap ko rito! Bawat eksena, tumitili talaga ako. Mapa-drama, aksyon, comedy o intimate scenes, scream pa rin ako nang scream. Kaloka! Aha-ha-ha! SANDALI. O, Yaya, ba’t nand’yan ka?

Ma’am Krissy, may dumating pong flowers. Galing yata sa buylit n’yo. Hihihi

Gaga! Boylet!!! Sige, susunod na ako. O, I have to go na. Will take photos pa of the flowers para ma-post ko sa Instagram. Alam mo na! Love! Love! Love! Aha-ha-ha!”
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“Thirst for attention is a cry of loneliness.”
~Toba Beta

Sound Bites
“Mga kababayan, mga kapwa ko Pilipino, sama-sama tayong lalaban sa kahirapan. Sama-sama tayong lalaban sa pagdurusa na hinaharap natin araw-araw. Sama-sama tayong lalaban sa takot na dulot ng kriminalidad. Sama-sama tayong lalaban sa walang tigil na pagtaas ng presyo ng mga bilihin. Sama-sama tayong lalaban sa problema ng ating mga kabataan Walang atrasan. Lalaban tayo para gumanda at guminhawa ang buhay ng bawat Pilipino.”
~Vice President Jejomar Binay, 9.18.2014

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Dane Alegana/Kris, ABS-CBN News, GMA News, @InaAndolong-News9, Kris Aquino IG, Girlie Rodis-@ShowbizManila]





ERUPTION AND CORRUPTION

17 09 2014

1CORR
MANILA ARCHBISHOP Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle called on Filipinos to spread the word against corruption and cheating by wearing a shirt that says, “Huwag Kang Magnakaw.” To make the campaign more successful, include the face of your congressman or mayor.

Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle says Filipinos must spread the word against corruption by wearing a shirt that says, “Huwag Kang Magnakaw.” Or to be more precise, “Huwag Kang [Insert name of senator here].”

Nancy’s Bill
Sen. Nancy Binay has filed a bill that seeks to give prisoners the option to be placed under house or hospital arrest. Vice President Binay praised Nancy for her concern, thoughtfulness and careful planning.

Dangerous
A Wall Street Journal report named the Philippines as “the most dangerous place to be a Korean.” While the most dangerous place to be a Filipino is “inside the MRT.”

A Wall Street Journal report has named the Philippines as “the most dangerous place to be a Korean.” Another report has named Makati City as “the most dangerous place to bid for a project if you are claustrophobic.”

1ZFree Again
In a shocking turn of events, influential businessman Cedric Lee and his friends Deniece Cornejo and Simeon ‘Zimmer’ Raz were granted temporary liberty by a Taguig RTC judge. Lee, Cornejo, and Raz were very happy. But the RTC judge was happier. #AlamNa

Taxes
The Bureau of Internal Revenue’s tax collection rose by 8.01 percent in August. Apparently, the amount of taxes collected is directly proportional to the number of taxpayers humiliated. What a shame… campaign!

Helmet Ban
To ensure the safety of motorcycle riders, Republic Act 10054, or the Helmet Law was passed last year. Last week though, a congressman filed a bill that sought to ban the use of helmets nationwide by motorcycle-riding people to prevent crimes. Helmet ban? How about ‘idiots in Congress ban?’

1BULEruption
Phivolcs says Mayon Volcano is restive again and an “eruption is possible within weeks.” When President Aquino heard this, he said, “’Buti pa ‘yong Mayon, pumuputok pa.”

LP Exclusive
According to Liberal Party secretary general and Western Samar Rep. Mel Senen Sarmiento, only LP members will be considered for the presidential race in 2016. But the bigger question is, “Will there still be LP members before 2016?”

European Tour
President Aquino is on an 8-day visit to Spain, Belgium, France and Germany. In Madrid, the President cited Spain’s biggest contributions to the Philippine economy: financial assistance, investments, and Enrique Razon.

Mass Wedding
Over the weekend, Pope Francis officiated the wedding of 20 couples “technically living in sin” – those who already have children, living together, or annulled from a previous marriage. Take that CBCP!

1KHThe Gift
Kris Aquino announced on social media that he gave her best friend Boy Abunda a brand new Hummer. When sought for reaction, the Hummer declined to comment saying he hated the publicity.

Cougar
Comedienne Ai-Ai De La Alas has a 20-year-old boyfriend from La Salle. The guy, a former member of the DLSU badminton team has been described as cute, nice, and the most likely reason why Ai-Ai De La Alas will cry on a future episode of ‘The Buzz.’
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“There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants.”
~Jarod Kintz

1AISound Bites
“Hindi ko hinanap ‘to talaga, hindi ko hinanap. Dumating na lang siya talaga sa buhay ko.”
~Comedienne Ai Ai delas Alas on her 20-year-old boyfriend from DLSU

“It’s show time!”
~Cedric Lee to Vhong Navarro after his release from jail

1cd
Congratulations again UP Pep Squad!

Poll Results
1YAA

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Harvard Politics, Philippine Star (Lee/Raz), ABS-CBNNews (Mayon), GMA News (Ai-Ai), Kris Aquino IG]





KICKBACKS, ROGUE COPS AND OTHER STORIES

13 09 2014

1BC
AT LEAST 10 police officers were allegedly behind the EDSA-Mandaluyong robbery-abduction case last week. They have all been identified. Once arrested, they will be presented to the media, and then locked in a room with a drunk Billy Crawford.

Two of the cops who were involved in the EDSA robbery-abduction case were “repeat offenders.” The National Police Commission said SPO1 Ramil Hachero and PO2 Jonathan Rodriguez were slapped with the same charges in 2011. Apparently, they never learned. Hachero and Rodriguez are the Jinggoy Estrada of the police force.

1NMKickbacks
Former Makati vice mayor Nestor Mercado revealed that then city mayor Jejomar Binay received millions of pesos in kickbacks from several infrastructure projects. Which begs the question: how many bidders experienced being trapped in a Makati City elevator?

The Vice President is getting negative publicity of late. His spokesperson, Jonvic Remulla a.k.a. Mr. Cavite governor is blaming Binay’s enemies: Nestor Mercado, Alan Peter Cayetano, and the truth.

According to Nestor Mercado, former Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay got  a “13 percent kickback” per project. Or in the words of Janet Lim-Napoles, “Cheap!”

Vice President Binay has a scheduled address next week. Jonvic Remulla says his boss will answer the allegations “punto por punto.” But he denies rumors the Vice President will end his speech with a music video.

EXCLUSIVE! Here’s the draft of Vice President Binay’s speech.
1BA

FIBA 2019
Bidding will start soon for the 2019 FIBA World Cup. Some countries have earlier expressed interest to make a bid. But they decided to back out this week after learning that they’ll be up against Hilmarc’s Construction Corp.

Warning
Citing security threats, the Chinese government advised its citizens “not to travel to the Philippines.” To which, Chinese nationals said, “Tanga! We’re already here.”

In a travel warning released the other day, China said, “the safety situation in the Philippines is deteriorating.” Of course, it would have been much safer here without those Chinese drug lords, Chinese traffickers, and defective Chinese products.

1GMA
16-Digit Plate
A consumer welfare group and netizens blasted the Land Transportation Office for allowing hundreds of new taxi units [with pending franchise applications] to ply the streets of the metro using 16-digit plate numbers. When sought for reaction, the LTO gave 16 excuses.

The LTO allowed hundreds of new taxi units in Metro Manila to use 16-digit plate numbers. Or as abusive cab drivers would call it, “Awesome!”

Taxi units with 16-digit plates are now roaming the streets of Metro Manila. Thanks to the brilliant minds of LTO. When asked why sixteen numbers were used, the LTO replied, “26 letters are a bit long.”

1BNo Cerebellum
Doctors in China were startled when they discovered that a 24-year-old woman had been living without a portion of her brain. In the Philippines, we call that “LTO.”
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“Politicians: Pinocchios with nose jobs.”
~Bauvard, The Darkness of Nature

Sound Bites
“’Wag naman nating lahatin na kasama sa criminal gangs at criminal activities. Ninety nine percent, the overwhelming majority of the police forces, ay ginagawa ang trabaho nila sa mabuting paraan.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

“Sabi niya ‘Ma’am, natanggap ko na ‘yong cake, ang sarap ng cake.’ Parang hindi ko tuloy alam, idi-deny ko ba eh parang tuwang-tuwa s’ya sa cake. Pag deniny ko, baka hindi na matuwa sa akin dahil hindi pala ako ang nag-bake no’n.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, GMA News, Reuters]





M-VP

8 09 2014

1MVB
VICE PRESIDENT Binay is reportedly considering businessman Manny V. Pangilinan as a potential VP bet in 2016. Well-loved in the community, MVP is a good choice for running mate and an even better sanitizer.

Vice President Binay wants businessman Manny V. Pangilinan to be his running mate in 2016. That’s a smart idea.

MVP is being considered by Vice President Binay as a possible running mate in 2016. You know what that means? Unli- funds.

Vice President Binay is considering businessman Manny V. Pangilinan as a potential running mate in 2016. MVP and Binay will be a formidable team. One is a hardworking, revenue-oriented multimillionaire. And the other one is Manny V. Pangilinan.

Maturity
Sen. Nancy Binay says, “It’s just sad that the level of campaigning has not matured.” In response, the “level of campaigning” said, “Look who’s talking.”

God’s Will
According to Sen. Nancy Binay, the presidency is “all about destiny, God’s will.” In a statement, God replied, “Leave me out of your politics.”

Traffic
President Aquino apologized to commuters for the monstrous traffic jams. The apology was late because of traffic.

1BCRelic
A sacred relic called ‘The Holy Face of Jesus from Manoppello’ from Rome will be brought to the country this month. The piece of cloth allegedly with an imprint of Jesus’s face is 500-years-old. To give you an idea of how old the relic is, Senator Enrile was still in grade school when it was discovered.

Royal Baby 2
William and Kate have announced that they’re having another baby – which is not really surprising. That’s what happens when couples are unemployed.

Resigned?
Paolo Bediones has reportedly resigned as news anchor of TV5’s late-night newscast. It was a bold decision.

1BCBilly
TV host Billy Crawford went berserk in a police station in Taguig City on Sunday. Police said Billy was obviously drunk when he went wild. Or in showbiz parlance, “Anne Curtis.”

Billy Crawford underwent inquest proceedings at Taguig RTC Monday morning. He was charged with malicious mischief and disobedience to a person in authority. If worse comes to worst, Billy plans to just enter a plea of “Not sober.”

“It’s Showtime” host Billy Crawford was arrested Sunday when he went berserk inside a police station in Taguig City. Mga Kapamilya, ang term na ‘berserk’ ay unang nag-appear noong 1844. Ito ay namula sa salitang ‘berserker’ na ang ibig sabihin ay ‘Norse warrior.’ Madlang pipol… para kay Billy, iskor mo, show mo!
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“The political tradition of ancient thought, filtered in Italy by Machiavelli, says one thing clearly: every prince needs allies, and the bigger the responsibility, the more allies he needs.”
~Silvio Berlusconi

Sound Bites
“S’yempre, I’m honored, but also I’m relieved that I wasn’t made ninong, ‘di ba?”
~President Aquino on being Chiz Escudero’s best man

I can’t contain myself if I’m under the influence of alcohol.”
~Billy Crawford

Drink moderately!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Star (MVP), PhilNews.PH (Binay), Philippine Daily Inquirer (Billy Crawford)]





“SAY SOMETHING I’VE GIVEN UP ON YOU”

5 09 2014

1HACKED
THE SANDIGANBAYAN granted Gigi Reyes’s petition to undergo a brain scan at the PGH. The controversial lawyer, who is facing plunder charges reportedly banged her head against the wall last August 5. Aww, that’s unfortunate. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the wall.

Reports say Gigi Reyes wants to have her own laptop computer, a portable printer and a pocket Wi-fi in jail. She should really have her head checked.

Jailed for plunder charges, lawyer Gigi Reyes wants to have her own laptop computer, a portable printer and a pocket Wi-Fi in jail. Can we bang her head against the wall one more time?

Twogether
Suspended senator Juan Ponce Enrile and his ex-chief of staff Gigi Reyes had a reunion of sorts at the Sandiganbayan Friday morning. When he was arraigned, Senator Enrile entered a plea of not guilty and said, “I have not committed any crime.” When she was arraigned, Gigi Reyes did not enter any plea and said, “Gago ‘to ah. Fault kong lahat?!?”

Ano kaya ang pinag-uusapan ng dalawang tao sa larawan?

1EEChoice 1
G: Ba’t ‘di ka nag-text kagabi? Naghintay ako hanggang alas-dose ah!
E: Na-check-operator services ako eh.
G: Ang luma ng excuse huh! Naka-3210 ka pa rin?!?

Choice 2
G: Parang iba na yata ang gamit mong perfume. Sinong nagbigay n’yan?!? Si Mildred? Si Redge? Si Darling? SINOOOO!?!
E: Tanga! Asawa ko. Dumalaw last week.
G: Fine.

Choice 3
G: Sssh. ‘Wag kang magpapahalata. Bukas ang zipper mo. Ano ka ba!?
E: Sabi kasi ng clerk of court, “All rise.” Ayan, nag-rise!
G: Ulol!

Choice 4
G: Kawawa naman ang mga Binay. Nagkakabukingan na sa Makati.
E: Anong kawawa do’n? Eh tayo nga, nakakulong eh.
G: ‘k.

Choice 5
G: In case makalaya tayo ngayon, IN CASE lang naman, anong gusto mong panooring movie?
E: If I Stay.
G: “Say something I’ve given up on you.” Joke lang. Of course, I have not. Never.

Choice 6
E: Sa tingin mo, malalampasan natin ito?
G: Ako, oo… ewan ko lang ikaw.
E: Tarantado! “Say something I’ve given up on you.”

1JBRigged?
According to a former Makati City procurement official, the bidding contracts for the controversial P2.3-billion Makati parking building and other projects were rigged. Mario Hechanova says, in Makati City, this has always been “the practice.” No wonder they seem to be good at it. They keep ‘practicing.’

Vice President Binay’s camp said his accusers, including his compadre and former vice mayor Nestor Mercado, who appeared before the Senate recently, were “a triumvirate of corruption.” Hello Kettle. I’m pot. You’re so black.

According to Vice President Binay, the Senate hearing on the allegedly overpriced Makati City parking building has become a “kangaroo court.” And with how government contracts are allegedly rigged to favor a preferred contractor, we’re hopless.

Vice President Binay insists corruption allegations against him and his family are politically-motivated because he continues to top presidential surveys. Detractors should also be wary of the fact that mudslinging the Binays is a waste of mud.

Probe
Senator Lito Lapid wants the Senate to conduct a probe into the problems of PNR trains. DOTC officials were shocked to learn about the reported derailment of some trains, and even more shocked to learn that Lito Lapid was still a senator.

Bomber?
Authorities arrested lawyer Ely ‘Spike Man’ Pamatong for a year-old case of inciting to sedition. Pamatong has also been tagged recently as the “brains” behind the alleged plot to sow chaos at the NAIA… totally surprising critics who doubted he had a brain.

1HACKEDUPset. Almost.
The UP Fighting Maroons almost scored an upset win against the Ateneo Blue Eagles last Wednesday. With only 0.8 second remaining and Ateneo ahead by just a point, 70-69, Maroon guard Mikee Reyes missed two free throws that could have sealed the victory for the State U. For not beating Ateneo, Reyes has apologized to his teammates, to the people of UP, and to the La Sallian community.
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“Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.”
~ Lysander Spooner

Sound Bites
“Siguro that’s their opinion, ‘di ba? ‘Di ba, parang beauty din ‘yan eh. It’s in the eyes of the beholder. Siguro ganoon din yun sa building, ‘di ba? Para sa kanila, hindi ganoon kagandahan pero sa amin maganda na yan.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

Poll Results
1Eo

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Philippine Star, Philippine Daily Inquirer, PBA-Online.Net]





BUCKETS AND TRAINS

1 09 2014

1
DOTC SECRETARY Joseph Emilio Abaya took an MRT ride last week from Ortigas to North EDSA station around 1PM, an off-peak hour and on the first coach reserved for women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. For trumpeting that it was “a pleasant ride” which he enjoyed, Mr. Secretary got flak from the public. Abaya quickly denied he was insulting the intelligence of commuters. Yeah. He just assumed they didn’t have any.

During an off-peak hour, DOTC Secretary Joseph Abaya and his bodyguards took an MRT ride last week on the first coach reserved for women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. The train-riding public railed against it.

1PA
Deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte also took the MRT Rush Hour Challenge Monday morning. She stood in line for 37 long minutes — which was nothing compared to the time she spends every morning standing in front of the mirror.

According to deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte, presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda was with her when she took that train ride Monday morning. Apparently, Lacierda did not upload even a single photo of him while taking the MRT Rush Hour Challenge – totally depriving netizens of a good material for memes.

Senate Hearing
These days, MRT officials say, train riders wait in line for at least 30 minutes before they could get a ride. Or 30 seconds if their name is Joseph Emilio Abaya.

In today’s Senate hearing, MRT officials say part of the proposed rehab plan is the installation of free wi-fi at MRT-3 so that commuters waiting for trains can use their gadgets. The proposal was lauded by gamers, Internet addicts, and thieves.

1MCORRMakati City Hall 2
Senators and valuation experts conducted an ocular inspection of the controversial and allegedly overpriced Makati City Hall 2 building in Makati City Monday morning. Before the senators arrived, some Makati residents gathered in front of the building to show their support for the Binays. One resident held a placard that said, “Walang corrupt sa Makati.” In totally unrelated news, wala na raw Katoliko sa Vatican City.

Unfriend
Makati City Rep. Abby Binay says her erstwhile close pal, Taguig City Mayor Lani Cayetano has “unfriended” her on Facebook. And things got worse between the two camps when Vice President Binay accessed the late senator Rene Cayetano’s old Friendster account and deleted his testimonial.

1
Congresswoman Abby Binay says Mayor Lani Cayetano has “unfriended” her on Facebook. Despite this development, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano has no plans of unfriending Sen. Nancy Binay because he subscribes to the dictum, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Book 2
Almost two years after the release of his memoirs, suspended senator Juan Ponce Enrile is reportedly writing a second book. Critics expect the book to top the Bestsellers List – Fiction category.

1FD#IceBucketChallenge
Sen. Franklin Drilon took the Ice Bucket Challenge in the Senate Monday. Although he accepted the challenge, he vowed to still donate a portion of his huge DAP allocation to charity.

On Monday morning, buckets of water were poured over the head of Sen. Franklin Drilon as he took the Ice Bucket Challenge. Moments later, Maynilad warned its customers of a looming water supply shortage.

Senator Drilon accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness on the importance of water conservation.

1Mega Move
Actress Sharon Cuneta has decided to terminate her billion-peso contract with TV5. Reports say the Megastar was happy with her decision – but TV5 was happier.

Three years after signing a five-year [rumored] billion-peso contract with TV5, actress Sharon Cuneta has severed ties with the Kapatid Network. Sources say it wasn’t an easy decision. The Megastar will leave the network with a heavy heart, hips, arms, and thighs.
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“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.”
~Mark Twain

Sound Bites
“Ang tanong ko lang d’yan, by riding the train or in fact mag-ice challenge ako sa MRT 3 train na rush hour, do I solve the problem by doing that? Do I?”
~DOTC Sec. Joseph Emilio Abaya

Poll Results
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Have a great September!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: 24Oras, @Abi_Valte, ANC, ABS-CBN News, GMA News/Benjie Castro, TV5]





EXCLUSIVE: CONVERSATION WITH A CAKE

28 08 2014

IT’S BEEN in the news for two weeks now. Detractors accuse the Binays of profiting not just from an alleged overpriced car park building but from thousands of cakes being given to the city’s geriatric citizens who are celebrating their birthdays and golden wedding anniversaries. Reports say the city hall spends almost P20 million pesos on cakes alone.

In the interest of fair reporting, we tried our best to get the side of Makati City Hall. Luckily, one cake agreed to be interviewed on condition that the celebrator won’t be identified. Here’s the transcript of our conversation.

1ck
Good morning Ms. Cake!

Ms Cake?!? May gender na pala ang food ngayon? Hindi ako na-inform.

Ok, Cake na lang. Sorry naman. Kumusta ka na?

Heto, sweet pa rin.

Hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Diretsahan na. Since taga-Makati City ka, totoo bang si Nancy Binay ang nagbi-bake ng cake na ipinamimigay sa mga matatanda ng lungsod?

That’s preposterous!

Wow, anong ibig sabihin no’n?

Sige, iba na lang. That’s unfair! Paninira lang po ‘yan kay Ma’am Nancy. Ang totoo po n’yan, sinubukan niya talagang mag-OJT sa gawaan ng cake ng Makati. Kaya lang, hindi talaga niya forte ang pagluluto. Laging sunog ang finished product.

Wait lang. Konting ingat sa paggamit ng mga salita. Baka maakusahan ka ng pangungutya sa panlabas na anyo. So, wala ring katotohanan ang tsismis na siya ang in-charge sa pamamahagi ng cakes?

Not that I know of. Kung totoo man, wala akong ebidensya. Ang alam ko lang, malakas daw siyang kumain ng cake.

Talaga? Anong flavor ang paborito niya?

Black Forest.

‘Yan ka na naman! Tigilan mo na sabi ‘yang patama sa kulay niya. Eh si Mayor Junjun, mahilig ba sa cake?

Nope. Iba ang trip no’n. Brownies.

Nabanggit ba ng mga Binay kung bakit kayo ang ipinamimigay sa mga senior citizens? Pwede namang basket of fresh fruits ‘di ba?

Para ka namang tanga. Birthday no’ng matanda, tapos prutas ang ibibigay mo? Cake dapat! Ang prutas, pwede nilang bilhin sa tabi ng kalye; nagkalat lang. Pero ang cake, mahal. Alin sa tingin mo ang mas maa-appreciate ng mga residente ng Makati? Siyempre cake! ‘Tsaka kung prutas ang ibibigay mo, hindi ka pa sure kung maasim o matamis ito. Eh kung cake ‘yan, iba ang dating. Sweet si Mayor. Plus 50 Pogi points!

Pero ‘di ba unhealthy ang cakes sa mga matatanda?

I know. But at their age, why worry?

Ang mean mo naman.

On the contrary, marami akong napapaligayang matatanda. Kung may reklamo ka sa pagiging unhealthy namin, sabihin mo kay Mayor. ‘Wag mo akong pinupulitika.

Wow! Mr. Vice President ikaw ba ‘yan? Anyway, usung-uso ang Ice Bucket Challenge ngayon. Si VP, ni-reject na ang challenge. Sa tingin mo ba, papayag sina Junjun at Nancy?

I don’t think so. Ang dinig ko mas gusto nilang gawin ang Icing Bucket Challenge.

Icing? Ang gastos naman no’n.

Ok lang! World class icing naman ang gagamitin. ‘Tsaka hindi lang naman isang buhos ang gagawin. May Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3 hanggang Phase 5.

Sosyal! So, magkano raw ang idu-donate nila?

P2.7 billion.

Yamaaan! Iba talaga kapag Makati. Sana matuloy! Sanga pala, may ipapakita akong ilang pictures ng mga taong nag-Ice Bucket Challenge. Ano kayang masasabi mo? Unahin na natin ang matinding kalaban ng mga Binay – si Sec. Mar Roxas.

1MR
Hmmm… wala naman akong masabi sa pagiging consistent niya. Pati gamit na timba, blue!

Heto naman ang kaibigan ni Secretary Mar na si Finance Secretary Cesar Purisima.

1CP
La Salle?! ‘k.

Oo nga pala. UP graduate ang mga Binay. Lastly, anong masasabi mo kay Secretary Leila De Lima?

1ldl
Unfair talaga ‘yang si De Lima. Dala-dalawa ang timba n’ya! Makatarungan ba ‘yan? At ang lakas ng loob niya huh! Other officials pail in comparison.

Bago tayo magtapos, kailangang maglaro muna tayo. Noong makausap ko ang payong ng iyong mayor last year, naglaro siya ng ganito kaya’t obligado ka ring gawin ito ngayon. Mga readers lang natin ang makakaalam ng ating mystery word. Ikaw ang huhula. Your timer starts now. [MYSTERY WORD: “Junjun”]

Bagay?

Hindi.

Lugar?

Hindi!

Animal?

Pwede.

Tao?

Oo!

Hayop na… tao pa?!? Ano ‘yon, Hello Kitty?!

Hindi!

Tao?

Oo nga!

Malaki?

Sakto lang.

Makati City Hall Car Park??

Sabi ko tao; hindi gusali!

Maliit?

Parang.

Maputi?

Ha-ha Hindi!

Maitim?

Pwede.

Brownish?

Oo!

‘Di kalakihan tapos brownish?

Oo.

Choco roll?

TAO NGA EH!!!! Ang kulit.

Kilala ko?

Oo!

Close sa akin?

Of course!

Panadero?

Hindi!

Pulitiko?

Oo!

Brownish na pulitiko??

Oo!

Joey Salceda!

Hindi!

Lalaki ba?

Oo.

Ay, sorry. Lalaki nga pala. Maliit?

Paulit-ulit????? Oo!

Pulitikong maliit?? Alam ko na! Herbert Bautista!!!!

Hindi! Sayang, time’s up na. Hindi mo nahulaan. Anyway, ano na lang ang message mo sa mga Binay?

Kay Mayor Junjun… maraming salamat po sa pagbibigay n’yo sa amin ng chance na magpasaya ng matatanda sa Makati. Huwag po kayong susuko. Alam naming pinupulitika lamang kayo. Inggit lang ‘yang mga taga-Taguig dahil wala silang milyones na budget para sa cake.

Kay Vice President Binay naman… Kapag nanalo ba kayong presidente sa 2016, bibigyan n’yo rin ng birthday cake ang lahat ng senior citizens sa Pilipinas? Grabe! Ang dami po no’n. Tiba-tiba! Jooooke!

And lastly, kay Ma’am Nancy, miss ka na po namin. Mula kasi nang manalo kayong senador, bihira na kayong dumaan sa bakery. Good luck po sa inyong bagong trabaho d’yan sa Senado. Just dough it!

Ikaw lang ang Cake na madaldal. Ang haba naman ng messages mo. Ano ito, awards night?

Mas mahaba pa rin ang interview na ‘to! ‘Di pa ba tayo tapos?

Ang bilis mo namang mapagod!

Eh kasi nga mataas ang sugar ko.

Sweet!
———————————————————————————————–
“I’d choose truth over cake but I’d try to find a way to get both to be honest.”
~Craig Benzine

Sound Bites
“Sanay akong humarap sa mga kaso na pawang isinampa ng mga tinalo namin sa halalan. At nais kong ulitin na hanggang ngayon, wala akong kaso sa Sandiganbayan.”
~Vice President Binay

Have a fun and safe weekend!

[Photos: UnsealingTheManilaEnvelopeBlog, ANC ]

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





PAC OF ALL TRADES

25 08 2014

1M
EIGHT-TIME WORLD champion and incumbent Sarangani representative Manny Pacquiao has been drafted in the PBA by the team that earlier named him as coach. The world class boxer-turned actor-turned politician-turned TV host-turned motivational speaker-turned cager will suit up as KIA’s playing coach. That explains why TV5’s latest programming puts the PBA under the category ‘Sitcom.’

Manny Pacquiao was drafted by the PBA in the first round. Or as some PBA fans would call it, “Foul!”

Incumbent Sarangani representative Manny Pacquiao is now officially a PBA player. PBA viewers should expect more fun, laughter, and Chavit Singson.

At the PBA Rookie Draft on Sunday, KIA also picked Manny’s cousin, the unheralded Rene Pacquiao. Observers believe he was chosen only because of Manny’s influence and popularity. Rene Pacquiao is the Nancy Binay of the PBA.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao has been officially drafted by the PBA. Vice Governor Jinkee Pacquiao was so ecstatic her face almost moved.

1PINo to Pork
A protest action pushing for a People’s Initiative against all forms of pork barrel was held at the Quirino Grandstand on National Heroes Day. Police say some 5,000 people joined the rally but Bayan Muna’s Renato Reyes insists nearly 20,000 showed up. Bayan Muna challenged President Aquino to sign the People’s Initiative. But Aquino refused so he was compelled to make a donation of 100 dollars for ALS research.

MRT-3
After suspending services last Saturday, MRT-3 has resumed its “normal” operations. Again, MRT-3 is back to normal. So expect delays, glitches and more service interruptions.

MRT-3 suspended its operations last Saturday after its “communications system” bogged down. Malacañang’s spokespersons accused MRT-3 of having no originality.

Overtaxed
According to the Tax Management Association of the Philippines, Filipinos pay the highest taxes in Southeast Asia. The same study also revealed that Filipino politicians were the happiest in the region.

Teacher vs. Student
A teacher in Talisay City, Negros Occidental allegedly slapped an unruly student five times. Parents of the unidentified student are seeking the support of her classmates while the unidentified teacher is expecting the support of Rodrigo Duterte.

1CEHeart and Chiz
Sen. Chiz Escudero, 44 and Heart Evangelista, 29 are now engaged. And President Aquino was like, “‘Ka-pressure!”

#IceBucketChallenge
On Monday, newscaster Korina Sanchez accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge. When a pail of ice water was poured over her head, Korina suddenly realized there’s something colder than her husband Mar.

Last Sunday, TV host Kris Aquino took the Ice Bucket Challenge LIVE on The Buzz. It was a double success. The ALS Association got their donation and Kris Aquino got the people’s attention.
—————————————————————————————
“But that’s the thing about basketball: you don’t play games on paper.”
~Bill Simmons

1JCSound Bites
“Me, in Binay’s pocket? I will have my head chopped off before a live audience by anyone who can prove that! Life is too short to waste on sucking up to a dynasty that I’m bent on crushing. No to Binay in 2016! Quote me, please!”
~Activist Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change

“Ang focus namin ay reporma, at ang term extension ay hindi reporma. Usaping pulitika ‘yan. Mas mahalaga sa amin ang repormang nakaaapekto sa mga mamamayan.”
~Karina Constantino-David on the launch of Koalisyon ng Mamamayan Para sa Reporma (KOMPRe)

Poll Results
1SS

Have a safe and productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: @PBAonTV5, Philippine Star, GMA 7, Rappler, @Peachybrets,]





ICE BUCKETS, CAKES, AND SEX VIDEOS

22 08 2014

1JB
A CERTAIN Attorney Renato Bondal told the Senate blue ribbon committee that Makati City built an “overpriced car park building.” Mayor Junjun Binay vehemently denied that it was… a car park building.

On the issue of the alleged overpriced Makati City Hall 2 building, Mayor Junjun Binay appeared before the Senate blue ribbon committee Wednesday. To be fair to Junjun, he kept his composure. And though it wasn’t that obvious, yes, he was grilled.

1Cakes
During the hearing, Attorney Bondal also accused Mayor Junjun of overspending on cakes for Makati City’s senior citizens. Bondal brought with him three commercial cake samples for comparison. But senators reminded the lawyer that the inquiry was called to shed light on the overpriced building only. Bondal was not allowed to have his cake and eat it too.

It was also revealed during the hearing that Mayor Junjun Binay’s house has an elevator… totally disproving rumors that Junjun moves from one floor to another using a high-tech umbrella.

Reacting to the grilling of her brother Junjun Binay by her fellow senators, Sen. Nancy Binay said she felt some lawmakers wanted to put an M for ‘magnanakaw’ on her forehead. In response, the senators said Nancy was completely wrong. They actually wanted to put an “OA” on her forehead.

For Binay
Former senator Butz Aquino, Sen. Bam Aquino’s father Paul Aquino and Tita Cory’s brother Peping Cojuangco are reportedly supporting the 2016 presidential bid of Vice President Jejomar Binay. Sought for reaction, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas said, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

1LA
#IceBucketChallenge
It’s the latest craze in social media. The #IceBucketChallenge aims to raise awareness and funds to fight amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS otherwise known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. In one version of the challenge, the nominated person must donate $10 if he poured the bucket of ice water on his head. If not, he has to donate $100. Janet Lim-Napoles has expressed interest in accepting the challenge but she wanted a 40 percent cut.

Rumors say President Aquino has been dared by his Cabinet to do the #IceBucketChallenge. And then the Cabinet members realized, “Of course, he’ll pull it off! Could anything be colder than his love life?”

After accepting the #IceBucketChallenge, the Liberal Party nominated Mar Roxas – mainly because the party is left with no other choice.

In the Philippines, a couple of celebrities have accepted the #IceBucketChallenge: award-winning artist Lea Salonga and college hoopster Kiefer Ravena. In Kiefer’s video, he was shown shaking after getting drenched. La Sallians were not convinced though. They believe he’s just flopping.

A similar campaign is being considered in the Philippines. To raise awareness on graft and corruption, a bucket of boiling water will be poured over the heads of corrupt government officials. Exciting!

Brave
A woman with a fully-loaded caliber 45 was arrested by members of the Presidential Security Group after attempting to get through Malacañang Gate 3 Friday afternoon. Reports said the woman was looking for President Aquino. The President was flattered. That was the closest he could get to having a stalker.

1Human Error
DOTC officials concluded that the recent MRT train accident was caused by “human error.” Otherwise known as scapegoat.

According to DOTC officials, the recent MRT train accident was caused by “human error” – the same reason why those DOTC officials got their job in the first place.

DOTC officials will file administrative charges against two train drivers and two personnel from the control center for “gross neglect and inefficiency in the performance of official functions.” And the train drivers and control personnel were like, “Look who’s talking!?!”

1JBRated X
Part 2 of newsman Paolo Bediones’s sex video is reportedly being shared online. Bediones has since apologized to his home network, and to Hayden Kho for ‘copyright infringement.’
——————————————————————————
“Money amassed either serves us or rules us.”
~Horace

Sound Bites
“Kawawa ang kapatid ko. The senators have the upper hand. Trial court ba ito? Ang feeling ko kulang na lang, ‘yong mga kasamahan ko ukitan ako dito sa noo ko ng M, magnanakaw.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“There’s no truth to it. It doesn’t affect me.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on rumors that Ferdinand Marcos and Rosemarie Sonora (Susan Roces’s sister) are her real parents

Have a safe long weekend!

[Photos: Adam Levine, Philippine Daily Inquirer, ABS-CBN News, DZMM, PEP]





OF JOBS, JOKES AND SHRIMPS

19 08 2014

1jr
NEARLY 26 PERCENT of Filipino adults were without jobs in June according to a survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations. Those Filipinos have done nothing and haven’t accomplished anything in recent months. In fact, they have a nickname for themselves: congressmen.

Almost 26 percent of Filipino adults are without jobs at present and are looking for work. To be fair, these Filipinos wanted to actually work and are eager to accomplish things. Unlike those people in charge of the MRT.

I have a couple more jokes about unemployed Filipinos. But I was afraid they wouldn’t work.

1PAFocus
In an event Monday, President Aquino took a swipe at those who were already campaigning ahead of the 2016 elections. The President said Filipinos should focus their attention instead on some of the nation’s biggest problems. When the audience heard this, they stared at the President.

Dare
In a press statement, Isabela Representative Rodito Albano dared President Aquino to take the MRT to “experience the suffering” of his bosses. Albano drafted the statement while aboard his multimillion-peso luxury vehicle.

Malacañang rejected Albano’s challenge for President Aquino to ride the congested MRT… not because of security issues but because the MRT doesn’t allow smoking.

1LUCLucy
Have you seen the film Lucy? The action-packed Scarlett Johansson-starrer has received mixed reviews from critics. Personally though, I find the silliness entertaining. It also perpetuates the age-old myth that humans use only 10 percent of their brain. Yeah, it’s only a myth unless of course we’re talking about government officials, then it’s probably true.

The Pope
Talking to reporters aboard the papal plane to the Vatican from South Korea, Pope Francis said he’d probably be gone in two or three years. Mar Roxas and the Liberal Party are pushing for a term extension.

Saying he has done his part, Pope Francis (Jorge Bergoglio) believes he’ll probably be gone in two or three years. His youngest sister Krissy Bergoglio became emotional and was caught on cam crying.

1RMShrimps
While hosting an event in Davao City, comedian Ramon Bautista joked that there were many “babaeng hipon” in the city. The bad news: the feisty Dutertes were offended by the joke. The good news: Ramon made it out of Davao alive.

While hosting an event in Davao City, comedian Ramon Bautista joked that there were many ‘babaeng hipon” in the city. The joke offended Vice Mayor Paolo Duterte who was present in the event. Duterte reprimanded the comedian. Ramon was compelled to apologize for insulting describing those women.

Pinoy Pride
Filipino filmmaker Lav Diaz’s five-hour movie, “Mula sa Kung Ano ang Noon” bagged the top prize at the prestigious Locarno Film Festival in Switzerland. While the festival ended last weekend, the jurors are still watching the film until this morning.

1ass
FHM Sex Survey
According to the FHM 2014 National Sex I.Q. Survey in the Philippines, 33 percent of respondents have been criticized by a woman in bed. When sought to elaborate, one respondent declined and said, “Filipinos should focus their attention instead on some of  the nation’s biggest problems.”

The same FHM survey revealed some 65 percent of Filipinos would seriously consider making their own sex tape in the future. The remaining 35 percent can’t wait to download it.
—————————————————————————————————————–
“What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.”
~Angela Davis

City Ordinance of the Year
Congratulations Mandaluyong City for this “super brilliant” idea! You deserve an award. Kayo lang ang nakaisip n’yan! Bravo! [Paid item]
1MC

Sound Bites
“Kapag nagbabasa tayo ng diyaryo araw-araw, tila marami nang nangangampanya. Parang nakalimutan nilang may problema tayo ngayon. Kaya naman ang problema sa 2016 na eleksyon, sa 2016 na iyon. Ngayon, tugunan muna natin ang problemang bumabalot po sa ating sambayanan.”
~President Aquino, August 18, 2014

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: BlogsFT.Com, Gov.Ph, Ramon Bautista, FHM Philippines, Wil Cervantes]





#MakeUpTransformation (Pinoy Politics)

16 08 2014

CRITICS OF THE administration say Noynoy Aquino has failed as president. To which, allies of the President said, “Then, allow him to repeat.”


Liberal Party members who are pushing for the lifting of the president’s single, six-year term limit say President Aquino is still their best candidate for 2016 and Mar Roxas is only their second best. The LP just conceded 2016 to Binay.

In a TV interview, President Aquino reportedly said he’s open to lifting the president’s term limit, amending the Constitution and clipping the powers of the Supreme Court. Every time Noynoy says something about the Constitution these days, Ninoy slaps an angel in heaven.

Other people are saying President Aquino’s recent pronouncements lean toward dictatorship… prompting an angry Ferdinand Marcos to tell his son Bongbong, “C’mon! ‘Di ka ba nai-insecure?”

NETIZENS are having a blast creating and posting #MakeUpTransformation photos. On Friday night, I tweeted two “transformation” pics. I am reposting them here – plus more! Here are my contributions to the latest online craze.

The worst transformation
122

Because the lady is now a…
#1mu

Perhaps the most beautiful transformation of ‘em all
1LL

Dynasty
1BIN

So Sexy
1Sexy

From hero to preso
1BR

An accident waiting to happen
1V

#Sinotto
1Sinotto

The One?
1bsbb

Be afraid. Be very afraid.
1BSMR

Overseas…
Pope Francis is in South Korea for a five-day visit. On Saturday, he beatified 124 Korean martyrs and blessed their seouls.
——————————————————–
“Power changes everything till it is difficult to say who are the heroes and who the villains.”
~Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing

Sound Bites
“We need systemic change. That’s more than the capability of one person even if he’s a Superman. And Aquino is not a Superman.”
~Constitutional Commission member Christian Monsod reacting to reports President Aquino is open to a second term

Have a safe week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler, ABS-CBN News, GMA News, Philippine Star, Interaksyon]





DERAILED

14 08 2014

1JP
DID YOU hear the news about the Aquino administration’s net satisfaction rating and retired Major General Jovito Palparan? Both have fallen.

Public satisfaction with the administration hits a new all-time low: from +45 in March to +29 in June. A worried President Aquino called Budget Sec. Butch Abad and asked if he could consider resigning again.

Jovito Palparan, the retired major general who was labeled as “The Butcher” by leftists has been arrested in Manila. The lone informant will receive a bounty of 2 million pesos. The NBI has submitted his name to the President, the DOJ and the BIR.

Reports say the intelligence operation to capture retired Major General Jovito Palparan was codenamed Project Runway. When arresting agents came face to face with Palparan though, they changed the operation code to Ambush Makeover.

The military operation to capture retired Major General Jovito Palparan was codenamed Project Runway. When he was finally nabbed in Manila, arresting officers told him, “‘Auf Wiedersehen!’

1Derailed
An MRT train overshot the railway and slammed right into the metal barrier. Reports say at least 36 passengers got injured. President Aquino told CNN it’s fewer than that.

Here’s what happened: Train 1 couldn’t advance to its destination. It was defective. Train 2 stepped in and tried to help push Train 1. The journey started smoothly. However, something wrong happened along the way resulting in Train 1’s crash. Just to be clear, this is a description of the MRT accident last Wednesday not the Noy-Mar tandem in 2010.

For months, analysts have been saying that the MRT has serious problems and that certain officials are at fault. Now that an accident has happened, expect them to cover their tracks.

1
After the near-disaster at the MRT that injured dozens of people, the official Twitter account of DOTC tweeted about a “technical problem” and apologized for the “inconvenience.” The tweet was even more disastrous.

A wayward MRT train overshot the railway and crashed into the metal barrier. What a loco-motive!

The driver of the derailed MRT train is now being investigated. Apparently, he’s still in shock. While being interviewed, he lost his train of thought.

Binay and MVP
Reports say tycoon Manny Pangilinan is being considered by Vice President Binay as a potential running mate in 2016. Interesting. One is an intelligent, hardworking guy who has made billions from his empire and the other one is Manny Pangilinan.

Dream On
On Wednesday, suspected plunderer Jinggoy Estrada reiterated he wanted to become the running mate of Vice President Binay in 2016. Binay almost replied, “What part of ‘No!’ don’t you understand?”

1NBINAY
Binay vs. Trillanes
Sen. Antonio Trillanes wants Vice President Binay to face a Senate inquiry on the alleged overpriced car park building in Makati City. An upset Sen. Nancy Binay said, “Hindi n’ya ho ka-level si Senator Trillanes. My father will not stoop down to his level.” When sought for reaction, Trillanes refused to stoop down to Nancy’s level.

Fat
The 8th National Nutrition Survey of the Food and Nutrition Research Institute showed 3 out of 10 Filipinos were overweight and obese. To those three, don’t be sad and don’t feel bad. Double chin up!

According to the same study, there are more fat Filipino women than men – which is understandable since they spend more time in the kitchen. #sexistjoke #sorry

Cheaters
A new study has revealed men over 5’10” are twice as likely to cheat on their partners. And Kris Aquino was like, “True!”
———————————————————
“Every disaster gives a warning before it comes; little or big, there is always a warning!”
~ Mehmet Murat ildan

Sound Bites
1Kristek
~Kris Aquino on ex-boyfriend Herbert Bautista

Ingat!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler, Zhander Cayabyab/DZMM, DOTC, Aquino and Abunda Tonight]





UNO!

10 08 2014

THE UP Fighting Maroons put an end to a 27-game losing streak in the UAAP on Saturday and the UP community erupted in cheers like it captured a title. Woohoo!

Won a game and there was a bonfire. Paano pa kaya kung championship na ang mapanalunan? Here are the…

Top 10 Things That Would Probably Happen Should UP Win the UAAP Championship

1UPP
10: May semester-long celebration na siguradong magpapataob sa month-long birthday celebration ni Kuya Germs sa ‘Walang Tulugan.’ May libreng reunion concert ang Eraserheads at may “group selfie” ang bawat dadalo with Ely, Raymund, Buddy and Marcus.

9: Taun-taon, special non-working day sa UP System ang araw kung kailan nakamit ang kampeonato. Kung tumapat sa araw ng Linggo, walang pasok ang kasunod na Friday para long weekend.

1BB
8: Lahat ng gradong singko sa semester kung kailan nagwagi ang UP, ibabalik sa kuwatro at bibigyang muli ng pagkakataong mag-take ng removal exam ang estudyante.

7: Ang alumni ng UP na kaanib ng Iglesia ni Cristo… magdo-donate ng bagong gym at training equipment. Pwede nang 1/4 of Philippine Arena ang size ng gym.

1IS
6: Libre for one semester ang fishball, isaw, kikiam, tokneneng, at iba pang street food sa lahat ng UP campuses. Just show your official school ID.

5: Wala nang fraternity hazing. Promise. This time, mawawala na talaga, manalo lang.

4: Suspendido ang tuition sa susunod na semester gayundin ang miscellaneous fees, laboratory fees, student fees, at kung anu-ano pang bayarin. Bilang bonus, libre ang sakay sa UP Ikot at sa mga jeep sa loob ng UP Los Baños for one sem.

3: Magkakaroon ng raffle kung saan sampung estudyante o alumni ang mapalad na magwawagi. Ang mananalo ay bibigyan ng pagkakataong sampalin nang sampung beses ang corrupt politician of his choice. May live coverage ang pagsampal.

1up
2: Ang mga corrupt na alumni ng UP sa gobyerno, ibabalik ang mga ninakaw at aamin sa ginawang kasalanan.

1: Kung hindi aamin, lahat ng corrupt na pulitikong alumni, susunugin sa bonfire sa Sunken Garden. Ang order ng pagsunog ay batay sa Student Number. Mauuna ang pinakamatanda.

Congratulations again UP Fighting Maroons! Naka-UNO na kayo!

1BJIn other news…
Reports have quoted Vice President Binay as saying a Binay-Roxas tandem “is one of the things being considered [for 2016].. You develop unity among political parties.” Their common friends say it’s a good idea; Binay’s critics say it’s a good sound bite.

Slapped
An irate Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista slapped a suspected Chinese drug dealer who was apprehended the other day. But the suspect still managed to smile after realizing he’s so lucky he was nabbed in QC, not in Davao City.

1KPrayerful
Janet Lim-Napoles’s lawyer Stephen David says the suspected pork barrel queen prays 2,000 Hail Marys everyday. Out of habit, 40 to 50 percent of her prayers go out to her lawmaker-friends.

Lawyer Stephen David says his client Janet Lim-Napoles prays 2,000 Hail Marys everyday. Again, 2,000 according to the lawyer! Even Mother Mary was like, “Echosera kang abogado ka!”
————————————————————————–
“First, accept sadness. Realize that without losing, winning isn’t so great.”
~Alyssa Milano

1ESound Bites
“The possible consequences of further international spread are particularly serious in view of the virulence of the virus, the intensive community and health facility transmission patterns, and the weak health systems in the currently affected and most at-risk countries. A coordinated international response is deemed essential to stop and reverse the international spread of Ebola.”
~World Health Organization

UP Fight!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Rappler, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Joel Leporada, Geoffrey Ledesma, GMA News, Kenyon.Edu]





WANNABES

8 08 2014

FOR THE 2016 presidential elections, Liberal Party stalwarts say DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is still their man – ‘coz he’s got a better chance of winning compared to LP’s alternative candidate: no one.

1BJ
President Aquino’s sisters Ballsy and Kris have publicly expressed their support for Vice President Jejomar Binay who is running for president in 2016. But DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is not giving up… until Pinky and Viel have announced their choice.

Reports say Vice President Binay has received “raw” information that the ruling Liberal Party might adopt him as its presidential bet in 2016. Reporters are trying to call the source of the raw information… but Binay won’t answer.

Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada says he will run for president in 2016 if Vice President Binay is adopted by the Liberal Party. In short, the next elections will probably be a choice between Estrada and Binay. One is a womanizing, graft-tainted, long-serving politician and the other one is Erap.

1TrainCNNStuck
In Perth, Australia, a passenger slipped and got stuck between a train and the platform. Other commuters helped by tilting the train to free the man. Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma said this unfortunate incident could have been avoided if the man took a bus instead.

Contra-SONA
Sen. JV Ejercito is set to deliver a contra-SONA next week. But Jinggoy Estrada insists JV’s counter-SONA doesn’t have the blessings of the Senate’s minority bloc. Ejercito is not surprised by Jinggoy’s reaction since the detained senator has always been contra-kapatid.

Happiness
Pope Francis has released his ‘10 Tips for Happiness.’ The list includes: Tip No. 2 – Be generous; Tip No. 8 – Stop being negative, and Tip No. 10 – Avoid EDSA during rush hour.

The Pope has made public his ‘10 Tips for Happiness.’ Unfortunately, he failed to give a tip on how to handle ‘seen-zoned’ situations on Facebook.

Pinoy Online
According to a recent study, Filipinos spend an average of 6.2 hours online. And that’s just the time spent waiting for the page to load.

1BDMagic
Magician David Blaine is performing live at the Araneta Coliseum soon. In one of his tricks, Blaine will attempt to make a pile of cash (genuine 1,000-peso bills totaling one million) disappear without a trace. And Filipino politicians were like, “We can do better and more than that.”

27!
Reports say the UP Fighting Maroons who recently lost their 27th consecutive game (dating back to 2012) have “low morale” because their coach was suspended. Wait. They have a coach?

New Words
Here’s some good news: Scrabble has added 5,000 new words to its official dictionary. There’s selfie, chillax, frenemy and bromance. And in even better news, there’s no KathNiel.
———————————————————————————————–
“I would rather be a little nobody, than to be an evil somebody.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Sound Bites
“Parang may value naman ang opinion ko diyan, pero kung totoo, eh di bongga!”
~Kris Aquino on rumors that the LP might adopt Binay as standard bearer

“All I can say is that the spin masters are having their day. There is no such thing. I am a member of the executive committee of the Liberal Party, and there has been no discussion on that.”
~LP leader/Senate President Frank Drilon

Poll Results
Kung tatakbong pangulo si Sen. Grace Poe sa 2016, iboboto mo ba siya?

-Hindi. Kulang pa siya sa karanasan. 46.6%
-Oo. Matino at may integridad na tao siya. 34.63%
-Pag-iisipan ko muna. 18.77%

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Philippines Daily Online, CNN]





#QUIZtion: Current Events

5 08 2014

THINK YOU’RE UPDATED?

Find out by taking this current events quiz. No Googling please. Do not cheat. Lawmakers hate competition.

1
1: Bago nanalo ang UP Fighting Maroons men’s basketball team against Adamson Soaring Falcons last Saturday, Aug. 9, they have lost 27 consecutive games in the UAAP. Grabe lang. Prior to Saturday’s win, their last victory was in Season 75; two years ago pa. #saklap Anong team ang kanilang tinalo then?
A: Adamson Soaring Falcons
B: UE Red Warriors
C: De La Salle Green Archers

2: Kris Aquino admitted ‘rewarding’ President Aquino’s supporters by “replying” to their comments on her Instagram account. Ano naman ang ginagawa ni Kris sa mga taong “nega” ang comments?
A: Block!
B: Deadma na lang.
C: Pinaprangka. [At least honest!]

1
3: “Too beautiful to play the game” ang description sa volleyball player na si Sabina Altynbekova. The 17-year-old stunner plays for the youth squad of which country?
A: Ukraine
B: Russia
C: Kazakhstan

4: What militant Islamist group was responsible for the kidnapping of school children, and other violent activities in Nigeria recently?
A: Bakr al-Shalam
B: Abu Jihad
C: Boko Haram

5: Ang pamilya ng mga Pinoy na sakay sa pinabagsak na MH17 sa Ukraine ay tubong:
A: Pagbilao, Quezon
B: Maragondon, Cavite
C: Marilao, Bulacan

6: Ayon mismo kay Paolo Bediones, ilang taon na ang kanyang sex video na kumalat recently?
A: 7
B: 5
C: 2

7: Kung may “Ma’am Janet (Napoles)” sa executive at legislative branches, sino naman ang sinasabing counterpart niyang sangkot sa panunuhol sa mga judges?
A: Ma’am Charo
B: Ma’am Wilma
C: Ma’am Arlene

1
8: Of the following, sino ang hindi pinayagan ng kanyang NBA team na maglaro for his country sa darating na FIBA World Cup?
A: Tony Parker (Spurs) – France
B: Leandro Barbosa (Suns) – Brazil
C: Manu Ginobili (Spurs) – Argentina

9: Recently, Marvel announced that the new Thor will be female. Hindi naman nagpahuli si Captain America. Ayon sa Marvel, ang susunod na Captain America ay:
A: Bisexual
B: Black
C: Married with children

10: Project NOAH is the DOST’s “responsive program for disaster prevention and mitigation.” What does the acronym NOAH stand for?
A: Nationwide Operational Assessment of Hazards
B: National Organized Alert Helpline
C: Nakaantabay na Operasyon Alerto’t Handa

11: Slamming some anti-Aquino protesters, local musician Ria Bautista said, “Kung puro protesta pero wala namang inihahaing solusyon eh ‘di wala ring kwenta. It’s just a bunch of people whining.” This outspoken artist is a member of what band?
A: Up Dharma Down
B: Cambio
C: Paramita

1
12: Where is the 41st Chess Olympiad being held from August 1 to 14?
A: Reykjavík, Iceland
B: Tromsø, Norway
C: Budapest, Hungary

13: What is the name of the 140-hectare tourism enterprise zone in Bulacan where the Philippine Arena is located?
A: Ciudad Fernandina
B: Ciudad de Victoria
C: Ciudad del Carmen

14: Sa kabila ng nagaganap ngayong outbreak, hindi Ebola kundi ang disease na ito ang No. 1 killer sa West Africa.
A: Malaria
B: Diarrhea
C: HIV/AIDS

1SONA
15: One of the best dressed at last week’s SONA Red Carpet event, this woman is the wife of:
A: Cong. Miro Quimbo
B: Cong. Alfred Vargas
C: Sen. Sonny Angara

Bonus Question:
What does the E in E-Cigarette mean?
A: Express
B: Electronic
C: External

[Answers below]
—————————————————————————–
“People care about what newspapers tell them to care about.”
~ Delia Parr, Love’s First Bloom

Sound Bites
“Saan ka nakakitang pwedeng tumakbo ang truck at bus na walang prangkisa?! Saang klase ng mundo tayo ngayon? Nasa Mars ba tayo? I mean, stupidity!”
~Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno on LTFRB’s memorandum circular that temporarily suspended the enforcement operations against colorum vehicles in the metro

Answers:
1: B.
2: A.
3: C.

4: C.
5: A.
6: B.

7: C.
8: C.
9: B.

10: A.
11: C.
12. B.

13: B.
14: A.
15: C.

Bonus: B.

What your score means:
14-16 pts: Ikaw na ang updated! Marami kang alam. Hindi ka masyadong busy. Siguro, marami kang bakanteng oras.

11-13 pts: Pwede na. Love life na lang ang kulang.

8-10 pts: Ang lakas ng tsamba!

7 pts: Where have you been?

Below 6: Ang baba na nga ng score mo, double chin ka pa. Hayyy.

Gave a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: UAAP Sports, Reuters, FIBA, GMA News, Philippine Star]








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