WINNERS, LOSERS ATBP.

14 05 2013

SOME GOOD NEWS: the midterm election is over. And in better news, the liquor ban had been lifted.

The good news is the midterm election is over. The bad news is the 2016 presidential campaign has just begun.

The midterm election is over. Cynthia Villar and Jamby Madrigal can now stop acting like they’re friends.

We’re done with the 2013 midterm elections. Alan Peter Cayetano can now openly attack Loren Legarda.

graceNational Elections
Team PNoy’s Grace Poe is leading the race for senator. Asked about her very strong showing, Grace Poe replied, “I’m surprised!” Loren Legarda said, “Me too.”

Prof. Randy David says appearance in debates helped Grace Poe prove that’s she’s an intelligent candidate. Non-appearance in debates helped Nancy Binay prove she’s a more intelligent candidate.

Nancy Binay is winning. Risa Hontiveros is losing. No debate in the plenary. Well played Nancy, well played.

Much to the dismay of her critics, Nancy Binay will probably be proclaimed senator of the Philippines. A stunned but ecstatic Nancy thanked her party, her supporters, and her surname.

Team PNoy’s Jun Magsaysay is out of the Magic 12. Ser Chief’s magic didn’t work.

Televangelist Eddie Villanueva lost another bid for a national post. A few minutes ago, Villanueva was overheard saying, “Lord, strike 3 ka na!”

Some of the losers this year include Jamby Madrigal, Ernesto Maceda, Mitos Magsaysay and the Catholic vote.

At press time, Jack Enrile is at No. 15. Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile is demanding a refund from ‘Maalaala Mo Kaya.’

Local Elections
In Manila, former San Juan Mayor Joseph Estrada and his running mate Isko Moreno have been proclaimed winners. Bingo!

LRay
In Camarines Sur, 23-year-old Miguel Luis ‘Migz’ Villafuerte defeated his 77-year-old grandfather Luis Villafuerte Sr. in the gubernatorial race. It was only the second win for Migz whose first victory was against a classmate in a game of DoTA.

Camarines Sur elected its youngest governor in history, Miguel Luis ‘Migz’ Villafuerte, 23 years old. Villafuerte thanked the people of Cam Sur for giving him his first OJT.

At only 23, Miguel Luis ‘Migz’ Villafuerte was elected govenor of Camarines Sur. Even Nancy Binay was like, “Ano ‘to laro?!”

Aga Muhlach almost won a Congressional seat in Camarines Sur. The actor can’t wait to go back to Manila and stop pretending he’s Bicolano.

Pampanga
In Pampanga, Lilia ‘Baby’ Pineda posted a landslide win against former priest, Among Ed Panlilio. Asked to describe her overwhelming victory, Pineda said, “Masaya! Para akong tumama sa jueteng!”

Annabelle Rama
In Cebu’s first district, talent manager Annabelle Rama was trounced by former lawmaker Raul Del Mar. Cebuanos chose mind over mother.

Feisty talent manager Annabelle Rama lost badly in Cebu. In fact, she lost even in her own precinct cluster. Before the polls opened on Monday, Ruffa Gutierrez tweeted that her mom was praying loudly. And her prayers were in fact, answered. It’s a no.

Richard and Lucy
In Leyte, Lucy Torres is back as District 1 representative while Richard Gomez is… back as her chief of staff.

Richard Gomez lost the mayoral race in Ormoc City. Aside from being an actor, Richard is also known for his hobbies: archery, fencing, and losing elections.

The Pacquiaos
In Sarangani, Jinkee Pacquiao won the race for vice governor. Jinkee was so happy her face actually moved.

Neophyte politician Jinkee Pacquiao was elected vice governor of Sarangani Province. Asked about her platform, Jinkee was tight-lipped… and tight-cheeked and tight-foreheaded.

BREAKING: Napagpasyahan ng Commission on Elections na sa 2016 election, ang balota ay isusubo hindi sa PCOS machine kundi sa mga kandidato MISMO. Kapag iniluwa, talo. FYI.
—————————————————–
“Elections determine who is in power, but they do not determine how power is used.”
~Paul Collier

Sound Bites
“’Yong mga bashers na ‘yon, talagang natural na ‘yon, ‘yong mga inggitero, inggitera.”
~Vice President Binay on daughter Nancy’s detractors

Mabuhay ang demokrasya!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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29 responses

14 05 2013
Happiness is Not a Disease

Where’s the puke barrel? *facepalms*

14 05 2013
Nancy V. Avelino

Ouch! Sapul na sapul sila!

14 05 2013
Remil Galay

Ngayong malamang na ang pagkapanalo ni Nancy Binay, sana ay magkaroon ng part 3 ang Nancy Binay-Vice Ganda face-off…

14 05 2013
sa saliw ng awit

haha, had a good laugh over this post. thanks for sharing and regards… :)

14 05 2013
Andy (@andydugay)

Prof. Randy David says appearances in debates helped Grace Poe prove that’s she’s an intelligent candidate. Non-appearances in debates helped Nancy Binay prove she’s a more intelligent candidate. —> LOLOLOLOL!

14 05 2013
Anonymous

Good read:)

14 05 2013
ovalboy

Mas maganda siguro kung isasaksak na lang sa kanilang mga westpoint ang mga balota. Tyak matutuwa si manong ernie, chiz, alan, migz at pinky lacson,

15 05 2013
Aldo Ranada Jr.

I lol’d reading this… thanks and keep it up….

15 05 2013
jasper

not only did the cebuanos reject annabelle rama. they also snapped the stranglehold of the garcias and osmenas in alternating as governor of the province and mayor of cebu city.

cebuanos are politically more mature than manilenos.

17 05 2013
Anonymous

TRUE! :)

15 05 2013
Anonymous

landslide victory for Binays in Makati but nobody seems to comment on landslide? victory of Cayetanos vs Tingas in Taguig ….. can we ask Bulacenos why? in 3 years, Tinga dynasty wiped out by 2 senators, 1 wife and a barangay captain Hmmmmm…..

15 05 2013
Libertas

Philippines Got Trapos (PGT) – auditions over.

Looking at the flotsam and jestsam being washed up onto the political shore, and re-cycled into new positions, it is hard not to think that the nation is suffering from ‘stockholm syndrome’. Trapped, tormented, and tortured by trapos.

“plus ça change , plus c’est la même chose”. (All change, but still the same)

Au revoir et bonne chance. Je vais en france pour les vacances.

“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
― Napoleon Bonaparte

15 05 2013
Anonymous

ang gandang BREAKING NEWS! ay talagang boboto na ako pagka ganun, lahat ng presinto bobotohan ko, lahat ng kamag anak ko ibebenta ko! nyahahahaha

15 05 2013
Teofilo Laoingco

andami ngayong tompyangan sa election! may vote tompyang sa governor at vice governor dito vote mayor at vice mayor doon!

15 05 2013
inutz

One facebook user is using your posts in his status without even the hint of any citation. idol yata si Sotto ;) https://www.facebook.com/arn.pacheco.dal/posts/10151632436490907 https://www.facebook.com/arn.pacheco.dal

15 05 2013
Anonymous

Sa totoo lang sa atin pag wala kang PERA kahit gaano kapa kabait hindi ka mananalo dahil ang taong bayan alam na nila pareho lang kayo ng intensyon kundi magnanakaw sa kaban ng bayan. Kaya ako hindi na ako bubuto. Magtrabaho nalang tyo ng maayos at wag nang aasa pa na gaganda pa ang bayan natin……

15 05 2013
Allan Alan

more fun in the Philippines……

15 05 2013
Libertas

When asked about his platform manny pacquiao punched the reporter.
Take on some-one your own class – like a barangay captain, or a jungle monkey.

15 05 2013
Anonymous

what’s going on in our country’s politics…looks like joke…

15 05 2013
Anonymous

congratulations to all winners sana ayusin ninyo ang pagpatakbo ng ating bansa…….,,,,,,,,,,,

15 05 2013
angreenmolester

Nakakainggit nga naman ang 20-year OJT ni Nancy Binay…

16 05 2013
Anonymous

it is spelled as en banc sir not en bank but anyways it was another great post i love heckler<3

16 05 2013
Anonymous

Nancy Binay, ecstatic over her “surprising” win (yes, we were all surprised), finally made a remarkable remark: “Expect ko na iya, basta the winners won and the losers lost.” Wow, genius!

16 05 2013
zam

i like you mr. heckler…tulungan kitang magsubo ng balota sa mga candidates…ha ha ha ha..

16 05 2013
senior60

sus akala ko mister heckler ang topic mo ngayon na bubulaga sa akin ay ang tungkol sa cover ng time magazine, how surprising that nobody mentioned about it here, not even from libertas?

20 05 2013
professionalheckler

what cover? or did u fall again for fake news?

17 05 2013
Magic

Pulso pa rin naman ito ng taong bayan.. Madalas kong naririnig ang mga reklamo ng mga taong nasa ibang bansa kesyo bobo daw ang mga botante dito sa pinas.. Silang mga nakatapak lang sa dayuhang lupa kung maka-asta kala mo kung sinong napaka-talino. Kesyo marami daw #BOBOtante sa Pilipinas.

If you did not vote during the election, you already got what you deserve. Keep in mind that we are not just voting for ourselves alone. We are doing it for the future of our children, nephews, niece and the next generations.

Kung walang ibang magmamalasakit sa bansa natin, sino pa ba ang aasahan niyong gagawa nito para sa atin..? Ang China? Baka naman ang Taiwan or Korea? O aasa na lang tayo palagi kay Uncle Sam?

Ilang Pilipino pa ang lalayas ng bansa at ibabaon sa hukay ang kalahati ng kanilang buhay sa pakikipagsapalarang madalas ay walang katiyakan maiahon lang sa kahirapan ang pamilya mula nakalulunod na putik ng kahirapan? (Ang lalim naman nun.. lifeguard..!!!!!)

There are reasons why voters chose fresh faces and taste of candidates, but it is not a reason to vote out old politicians and settle for all newcomers if they feel like they will just fool around.

Let us all pray for the sincere political-will of the newly-elected candidates to serve our nation in accordance to the law of God.

PS.

Bukod sa apelyido ni Nancy, nakatulong din ang bad publicity na binigay ni Vice Ganda kay Binay.. Marami mang fans si Vice pero mas marami pa rin yata siyang haters mula sa mga fans ng mga in-okray niyang ordinaryong tao, local celebrities at politicians (i.e. fans ni Willie Revillame na konektado kay Villar at mga empleyado nito, ni Tado, mga nilait niyang audience sa shows at concerts niya. Mga fans ng mga nilait niya artista. Isama na natin ang mga pamilya at fans ni Chairman Laguardia. At ilang mga kapwa niya baklang kumokondena sa sobra niyang ingay daw ayon kay Inday Garutay.

Still, Vice is Vice Ganda. Like Kris Aquino, you can love him, you can hate him but you can never ignore him.

Is it true..? Ang EAT BULAGA ay lilipat na sa ABS-CBN in celebration of it’s 60th year sa November..? Kaya ba visible ang mga Kapamilya stars like Gary and Martin at boss ng ABS-CBN like Mr. Johnny M. sa mga concerts nila Jose & Wally..?

#EBonABSCBN

If it’s true, ang galing talaga ng magic formula ng Eat Bulaga! #Ahhhhmazzzzinnggg

Ano na lang ang mangyayari sa Showtime if it is really true? I want to see Jose Manalo and Vice Ganda sa isang noon time show.. One thing they have in common.. pareho silang laking Tondo. #streetsmart

Mag-apply na lang kaya ako sa isang tabloid bilang isang freelance writer nang magkapera naman ako. #pengengwork

Gusto ko makahanap ng work sa ABS or GMA kahit taga-timpla lang muna ng kape..

17 05 2013
Anonymous

Now that you know that political jokes get elected, reduce your sense of humor if you don’t want the same jokes circulating in the government.

18 05 2013
Archangel225

The CATHOLUC VOTE DID NOT LOSE. We are at the infancy stage. Hontiveros Lost. Buhay is number one in the party list. Watch us. Told you to stay clear of religious jokes

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