EXCLUSIVE: KRISSY RETURNS!

10 11 2012

10:30 AM Friday
November 9, 2012
Somewhere in Tomas Morato Ave., Quezon City


OH, HELLO THERE! You look at me when I say hello there! There! Na-miss n’yo ‘ko ‘no? Aminin! Well, I’m baaaack. I’m here for an interview. I don’t know nga kung bakit wala pa si Heckler. Grabe, siya na ang nakiusap, siya pa ang late. Kaloka! Anyway, while waiting for him, let’s chat muna. This December, my film fest entry will… oh, he’s here. Gosh, you’re sooo late!

Sorry po, traffic.

It’s Friday! What do you expect? Hay naku! Darla, retouch muna nga. Be thankful kay Darla at sa KrisTV staff, naghintay sila. As in, they’re here for like 35 minutes na, promise.

Guys, thank you. Again, sorry Ms Kris. Shall we start?

So minamadali mo naman ako? Iba ka!

Nooo! No… take your time. Sorry po. How’s Bimby?

Close tayo? Helloooo.

Ok.

Aha-ha-ha. Namumula ka! I was just kidding. Baka itsismis mo inaapi kita. Gosh, I’m not like that. Alam ‘yan ng staff and crew ng show ko. ‘Di ba Darla?

(‘Di narinig ni Darla; No reaction)

Hoooooy sumagot ka! Aha-ha-ha! Support me naman! Anyway, let’s start na nga. Bilisan mo dahil may shooting pa ako. Go!

How’s your sex life?

NAKAKALOKA KA! ‘Yon talaga ang unang tanong? Helllooo. FYI, baka lang ‘di mo pa alam, baka lang naman, I am single right now! Sex is the least of my concerns. Unless…

Unless what…

Ayokong sabihin. Aha-ha-ha Magagalit na naman sina Ate Ballsy at Ate Pinky. My gad. I’m sure ‘pag nabasa nila ‘to tatawagan nila ako, “Kris, you and your big mouth again!” So quiet na lang ako. Basta, I am single and happy. Let’s leave it at that.

Nami-miss mo ba si James… ‘pag gabi?

From sex to James?!? Gano’n talaga ang segue? Hindi kita kinakaya. Aha-ha-ha We’re friends. Not friends na super friends but we’re ok. Pwede bang change topic na? Nag-move on na ako. Move on na rin kayo.

Two months mong co-host si Chiz sa KrisTV. Hindi ka ba niya niligawan?

Ano ka ba?!? May girlfriend na ‘yong tao! Nakakahiya kay Mrs. Ongpauco at sa chain of Barrio Fiesta restaurants!

Rephrase na lang, hindi ka ba nanghihinayang na napunta siya kay Heart?

Hellooooo! Look at me. LOOK AT ME! Ito ba? Ito ba ang mukhang nanghihinayang?

Bakit parang nandidiri ka?

Noooo! You’re making me pahamak! Gosh. Nakakahiya. If you’re reading this Chiz, that’s not what I meant. And thank you again for guesting. I learned a lot.

So hindi mo lang talaga siya type?

Let’s put it this way. Alvin Patrimono, Philip Salvador, Joey Marquez, James Yap. Venti! Venti! Venti! Venti! And then biglang Chiz… hmmm, tall. Masisira ang pattern aha-ha-ha.

Are you saying na maliit ang…

I’m saying na you shut up. You’re putting words into my mouth! Grabehhh!

Ok, sorry. Punta naman tayo sa brother mo. Wala ka bang balita sa lovelife niya?

Hay naku! Pagdating sa lovelife, ayoko nang makialam. Lovelife ko nga, ‘di ko maasikaso! I did my part na. Nag-recommend ako ng stylist para tulungan siyang imake over. May wardrobe consultant pa. Kung wala pa ring epek, ipagpapasa-Diyos ko na lang.

Hopeless case na ba?!

You’re so bad. Wala akong sinabing ‘hopeless.’ Noy, you know I love you. But you’re 52. Keri mo na ‘yan. Hanap lang nang hanap! Hellllo! Hugh Hefner got married again at 85.

Si Hugh Hefner talaga ang peg?

Gosh, stop using that term please! I hear that everyday sa studio. Irritating! Darla, sino ba ‘yong guest natin na nagsabing peg niya raw ako? Nakakairita! After talaga ng taping, sinabihan ko ang writers. Bawal gamitin ang “peg” kapag kaharap ako kung ayaw n’yong masira ang mood ko! Ayun, natahimik ang mga beki. Natakot ‘ata sa akin. Aha-ha-ha

Nasabit ang name mo sa away ng mga party-list groups. Kasi raw, ‘yong Akbayan na kinukuwestyon ang pagiging kinatawan ng marginalized sector, tumanggap pala ng 10 million pesos mula sa ‘yo noong 2010 elections. Anong masasabi mo?

You know what, that issue was blown out of proportion. Please lang, ‘wag n’yo kong idamay sa away-pulitika n’yo. Nananahimik ako. Kung may naiinggit sa Akbayan, hindi ko na fault ‘yon. Besides, that’s just 10 million pesos! What’s 10 million?! Helllllooo!


Speaking of Akbayan, may lumabas na item sa ABS-CBNNews.Com tungkol sa pagkaka-link ng brother mo kay Akbayan senatorial candidate Risa Hontiveros. May alam ka ba ‘don?

Heto na naman tayo. Hay naku. Risa is just Noy’s friend. Nang mabasa ko nga ang item, it felt weird. Parang, helllooo, they’re parang magkapatid lang. ‘Yong mga unverified reports, ‘di dapat nilalabas ‘yan eh. Alam mo naman ang News. Ayoko na lang magsalita. We’ve had an issue before at ayoko nang maungkat pa. Basta. Sana lang, kung news… news talaga. Ayoko na lang magsalita. Dapat kasi may malinaw at credible sources hindi ‘yong basta-basta naglalabas ng balita. Ayoko na lang magsalita. Kung hindi confirmed ang report, ‘wag munang iupload, ‘di ba? Ayoko na lang talagang magsalita. Ayusin naman sana ang trabaho kasi presidente ang involved rito. Basta! Ayoko na lang magsalita.

Puwede ako naman ang magsalita?

NAKAKALOKA! And’yan ka pa pala. Gosh, sorry! Akala ko umalis ka na. Feel na feel ko pa naman ang monologue ko! Ano ka ba naman Darla, hindi mo sinabi!

Moving on… last 2010 very vocal ang pamilya ni Ms Annabelle Rama na hindi nila iboboto si Noynoy. Remember Ruffa’s walkout sa “The Buzz?”

Ruffa who?!

Gano’n?

Of course I’m kidding! Hellloooo! Hi Ruffi! Miss you na! Wala ka raw trabaho d’yan sa kabila? Aha-ha-ha Ano nga ulit ang question?

Next year kasi tatakbo for a Congressional seat si Ms Annabelle Rama. Hypothetical lang, iboboto mo ba siya kung nakatira ka sa distrito niya?

I’m glad I’m not. Aha-ha-ha

So that’s a ‘no?’

Darla, what time ulit ang call time ko? We’re running late right? Ay, sorry Heckler, may tanong ka pa?

Mainit na isyu ngayon ang political dynasty. Ipinagbabawal daw ito ng Constitution pero bakit tuloy pa rin ang pagtakbo ng magkakapamilya. What’s your take on political dynasties?

Alam mo, I will be biased kasi our family has been ruling Tarlac for like seven or eight decades or maybe, longer. Pero one thing I can assure you, my mom was not corrupt, my brother is not corrupt, and my cousin Bam Aquino is not corrupt.

How about your uncle Peping Cojuangco?

Darla, are we late na for the shoot? Do we need to leave na?

Sandali lang po, two questions na lang. Very active ka sa Twitter and I’m sure nababasa mo rin ang controversial tweets ni Ms Sharon Cuneta.

I don’t follow her.

Oh, you don’t?

Ayokong ma-stress aha-ha-ha But I follow KC.


As a social media personality, ano ang maipapayo mo kay Ms Shawie na laging napapaaway on Twitter?

Ignore and move on.

Move on?

Yes! Kasi naman 2012 na! Magwa-one year na ang break up ng anak niya at ni PJ. Nag-move on na ang lahat ng Pilipino, siya na lang ang hindi pa. Wait, pwede bang off the record ‘to? Ayokong magalit si Sharon eh. Ang haba pa naman niyang mag-tweet. Nobela talaga ang peg. Eeew why did I use that term. Kainis! Aha-ha-ha

Are you endorsing anyone this coming elections?

I’m not sure. Baka! BAKA lang.

Mamimigay ka ulit ng ₱10 million?

Nakuuu! Hindi na ‘noh! Ayaw ng Bayan Muna at Anakbayan ng ganyan. Aha-ha-ha

If elections were held today, sinu-sino ang iboboto mo for senator. Top 3 lang muna.

If elections were held today, I’m sure ‘di pa ready ang Comelec. Kaloka ka! Aha-ha-ha

November 11 is the birthday of Vice President Binay. Alam kong close ang Aquino family sa pamilya niya. Any message for him?

Hi Tito Jojo! Grabe! I still remember those days na pumupunta ka sa bahay to meet with my mom and dad. I was was just 5 or 6 then at naloloka ka kapag sinasabihan kita ng, “Negro! Negro!’ Aha-ha-ha Who would have thought na mararating mo ang kinatatayuan mo ngayon? We’re happy and proud of you. Ignore mo na lang si Ate Koring. Isa pa ‘yon, ‘di pa nakaka-move on. Anyway, happy happy birthday and may the good Lord continue to shower you with blessings. Happy birthday!

Kumusta na nga pala kayo ni Mayor Junjun Binay?

We’re okay! I think he’s also very busy, and last I heard may girlfriend na raw yata. I’m not sure.

Hindi ka nagseselos?

Hellllooooo! LOOK AT ME again. Ito ba ang nagseselos?! Ito ba?!? ‘Tsaka why would I?!

Hindi mo siya type ‘no?

Ano ka ba?!! Walang gano’ng isyu between us. Imposibleng maging kami! Unless…

Unless VENTI s’ya?

Nakakaloka ka! Darla tara na! Aha-ha-ha!
———————————————————-
“I don’t like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.”
~Delta Burke

Quote of the Day
“Sa mga nanunulsol, tigilan n’yo na kung may malasakit talaga kayo sa aming pamilya. Hindi nakakatulong ang mga nanggagatong.”
-Cong. JV Ejercito on his reported rift with half-brother Sen. Jinggoy Estrada (Via Radio dzRH)

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

About these ads

Actions

Information

56 responses

10 11 2012
whatdrivestheweak

PANALO! hahah!!

10 11 2012
fjordz

Kris will always be Kris… even on this post as Krissy.

10 11 2012
sibrokingparin

Aha ha ha ha! Kaloka ka talaga Krissy! IThat’s why I like you! Aha ha ha ha!

10 11 2012
Libertas

“Veni,vidi,vici” – julius caesar

‘Vain,vd,vicki’ – kris aquino

10 11 2012
Jimmy Leaño

Idol ph, talagang ala akong masabi, bow na lang ako!

11 11 2012
Libertas

Going out with kris aquino is a lasting experience, or at least until the rash has gone.

12 11 2012
John

Hahaha,. I miss Krissy!

12 11 2012
rojan88

hahahaha. the best talaga pag krizzy post. na-perfect mo na ang krizzy interviews :-) ikaw na :-)

12 11 2012
stuffandkids

Extra ang tawa pag si krissy lol

12 11 2012
denxoholic

LOL sa VENTI.. haha

12 11 2012
senior60

haha akala ko naman kung anong kaibahan ng venti sa tall, yun pala
malaki, ang kaibahan

13 11 2012
timpaul

prof, pwede ba mainterview yung bullet sa enrile case?

15 11 2012
professionalheckler

which one? the alfie anido case o the fake ambush? :))

16 11 2012
eLobrino

wow, witty ka talaga! im impressed. schucks!

13 11 2012
idogiveanf

Reblogged this on I Do Give An F and commented:
Krissy Returns!

13 11 2012
k0tz

hahaha..ang kulit naman nito! hehehe.. kuhang kuha talaga!

13 11 2012
Libertas

Kris aquino announces on her show that ex victim james yap asked for her not to talk about him/his personal life on her show!
How desperate, inconsiderate, and uncouth is she.
She is to motherhood/relationships what sotto is to original thought.
children are simply marketing opportunities.

15 11 2012
Anonymous

Uy affected!

14 11 2012
Anonymous

Hay naku, obviously it’s not Kris.. This is fake. Kris Aquino said this interview did not exist. Ginamit pa si Darla. FAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

15 11 2012
Angry Bird (@AngryBird1905)

errr obviously hindi ka follower ni Mr. H :p

15 11 2012
Anonymous

of course its not kris… its krissy hellooooo its a prodyyy…patulan ba?

18 11 2012
ching-ching

Is that you Ate Shawie?

21 03 2013
Anonymous

sineryoso?!? ntawa naman ako sau Anonymous (19:18:57) :

14 11 2012
macky benigno

ANG HILIG TALAGA GUMIMIK SA TWITTER ANG MEGASTAR PARA LANG MAPAG USAPAN. PATI BA NAMAN ANG PARODY INTERVIEW NG FAVORITE KUNG ‘THE PROFESSIONAL HECKLER’ KAY MS. KRISSY PATULAN.

14 11 2012
notchfilter

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/entertainment/11/14/12/sharon-falls-parody-says-sorry-kris

I can’t believe Sharon doesn’t have any common sense to fall for your parody of Krissy. That, or you’re just too good. =)

14 11 2012
Anonymous

Hey guys check this out.. the Mega Star reacting on this post

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/entertainment/11/14/12/sharon-falls-parody-says-sorry-kris

14 11 2012
14 11 2012
Menard

Iba ka Professional Kegler! Nag-react yung isang artista tapos makikipagcoffee naman yung isa pa! Wow! Gratz po!

14 11 2012
Grasyah | The Island Mom

panalo sa venti!! :))

15 11 2012
Jack-in-da-Box

Haha Pinatulan ni Ate Shawie….Sikat ka na naman Bok

15 11 2012
Sharon Cuneta falls for fake Kris Aquino interview, says "di niya ako magagaya" | News from the Philippines and Around the World

[...] Friday, blogger Professional Heckler wrote a parody interview with “Krissy”, imitating Kris [...]

15 11 2012
15 11 2012
Libertas

James yap apologises for calling kris aquino fat.
Am sure he is pleased that he no longer has to pay for the liposuction bills.
At least she can be a built in mattress on camping trips.
‘ fat! – everytime she walks in the room people think its a total eclipse of the sun’

15 11 2012
Anonymous

Because she fell for this parody, Nakapagsabi tuloy c Sharon sa TOTOO niyang saluobin.

15 11 2012
Anonymous@yahoo.com

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/entertainment/11/14/12/sharon-falls-parody-says-sorry-kris

What’s funnier than Sharon still not quitting Twitter and “making patol” to everyone is falling for something like this which is clearly a joke. Did she not even verify before she reacted? And did she not attend international school? Makes me want to question the quality of education she received there.

And about her comment na “walang silbi ang buhay ng mga nappapanggap na artista online”, oh well Sharon, pareho lang kayo ng silbi ni Professional Heckler for me, because every time I see either of your posts, they make me laugh, Professional Heckler’s because his is funny and full of sarcasm, yours because you are so making a fool out of yourself.

15 11 2012
Angry Bird (@AngryBird1905)

haha naku lagot ka Mr. H nabasa ko sa PEP nagreact pala si Mega sa interview na ito ni ‘Krissy’ hahaha..amft!!! si Mega na ang super Nega lagi sa mga kalokohan sa internet,…konting practice pa at marami pang pasensya Ms. Sharon :)

15 11 2012
Anonymous

this is the very reason why i support the cyber crime law of the philippines should be passed, so that people like you cannot use the name of others and discredit them…

15 11 2012
16 11 2012
LM Cuesta

hay. . gayang-gaya si kris aquino. . hilarious. . minus ‘yung reactions sa twitter

16 11 2012
Anonymous

Love this !!! Hilarious! You are a genius Heckler!!!
Next blog shd be about Sharon. Has to be.. She’s been in the news .. So pls do one

16 11 2012
Xander

Dito pala nag react si Sharon Cuneta.. wahaha.. super tawa ko sa Venti.. wahehehhehe.. UNLESS… hahahahahahah.. Sikat na sikat ka na talaga Prof.. ahehehehe

16 11 2012
izak

prof’ napagdiskitahan ng iba tong parody mo sa krissy, pagpacensyahan mo na yong iba..lam mo na’ poor soul!, poor brain! poor perception!..hehehe

16 11 2012
Raymund

This is funny. Nakakawala ng stress ang mga parodies mo!

16 11 2012
homer singson

Can’t wait for Krissy’s rejoinder to Sharon’s (truthful) reaction. Pakibilisan po Mr. Loipogi. #atat :)

16 11 2012
mayincutie

you should make a parody also of shawie!

16 11 2012
tigress

Hala! OMG! Nagreact si Sharon dito.. Don’t mind her Kuya. I heard before that she’s a wide reader and won 2M in a game show, which impressed me, but her reactions to this blog is very disappointing.

http://ph.omg.yahoo.com/news/sharon-apologizes-to-kris-.html

17 11 2012
Migs

Nakakaawa naman sa sumeseryoso sa mga parody posts mo.. lalo na sa mga fake interviews.
Tuloy-tuloy lang sa pagpapatawa Prof!

17 11 2012
Anonymous

super enjoy to the max everytime i read new parodies from you…keep it up….nakakaloko….nakakaloka…..hahahaha!!!!

18 11 2012
Migs

Prof, I saw your comment sa Manila Bulletin: “Sana lang bago magsumbong sa mga idolo n’yo, magbasa at unawain muna. Been doing KRISSY interviews for 5 years. Ngayon lang ako nag-explain!” he added.

natawa na naman ako! :P

20 11 2012
professionalheckler

i tweeted that. )

19 11 2012
runaway

Ang mga nagbabasa dito na akala totoo ito hindi siguro nila alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng HECKLER. hahaha look in the dictionary. huwag maging noob, at huwag paniwalaan lahat ng nababasa sa internet. Kaya tayo nagaral para magkaroon ng kakayahang makita kung ano ang totoo at hindi.

Ang problema kasi sa mga tao ngayon masyadong literal.

More power Mr. H. Hindi ka na lang piniplagiarize, pinapatulan ka pa.
XD

20 11 2012
Anonymous

U are such a liar bitch! #originalamalayer

24 11 2012
regie

Mahusay! clap, clap, clap!

Dagdag ko lang, bakit ang bobobo ng mga sinotto-kyuneta no? di makaintindi?

12 12 2012
queenkherwin

Reblogged this on queenkherwin and commented:
I love…

18 12 2012
Anonymous

waaahh ilove this post! :D

22 12 2012
Josh Moya

Winner. Love, love, love pag Krissy ang featured.

Say something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 107,972 other followers

%d bloggers like this: