THE EPAL QUIZ VI

24 10 2012

“Wealth is like sea-water; the more we drink, the thirstier we become; and the same is true of fame.”
~Arthur Schopenhauer

Here’s the latest in our series of ‘Epal Quizzes.’


1: “Sumbong, sumbong kay bonggang-bonggang Bongbong. Dito na kayo magsumbong, diretso pa ang aksyon!” Ang unang sumbong ay mula sa constituent ni Quezon City Councilor Bong Suntay. Sabi niya, “Lahat po ng school bus sa Pilipinas ay may nakasulat na ‘School Bus.’ Ngunit sa nasasakupan ni Konsehal Bong Suntay, “Bus ng School” ang nakalagay. Bakit po kaya?
A: Bagong Style ‘yan. Pero walang kuneksyon kay Bong Suntay. Walang-wala! Masyado lang madumi ang utak n’yo.
B: Baka sa Sarili namang Bank Savings account galing ang ‘Binili ng Sasakyan. Hayaan na natin.
C: English daw kasi ang ‘School Bus.’ Hindi magi-gets ng kanyang constituents. Kapag ‘Bus ng School’ ang nakalagay, mas maliwanag, mas madaling maiintindihan at mas maayos na maipararating ang mensaheng “Hoooooy! Re-electionist ako!.”


2: Basahin nang buo ang nakasulat sa government vehicle.
“Acquired from Board Member Lianda Bolilia and Governor Hermilando Mandanas Year 2003. Remodeling of Brgy 6 Patrol Funded by Provincial Capitol of Batangas, A Project of Governor Vilma Santos Recto thru the initiation of Barangay Chairman Arthur G. Blanco, and Councilor Hamilton G. Blanco upon the request of Brgy. Chairman Reynaldo G. Tiamsim.”
A: In short: “’Wag kaming kalimutan sa darating na halalan.”
B: “Remodeling of Brgy. 6 Patrol” So, kasama talaga sa remodelling ang limang kilometrong pangalan??? Baka may nalimutan pa kayo. Nakakahiya naman.
C: Sa totoo lang, may karugtong pa ‘yan eh. Ito:
“… upon the request of Brgy. Chairman Reynaldo Tiamsim following a meeting with Vice Mayor Obet Austria and Councilor Cerlina Malabanan immediately after conferring with Brgy. Treasurer Badong Caraan in accordance with a memorandum signed by Principal Teodoro Dimaunahan and witnessed by Guidance Counselor Gloria Mendoza along with Hekasi teacher Lina Bobadilla as attested by tahong vendor Porfirio Parra with valuable inputs from Parish priest Fr. Eugenio Baldoz and certified as pak na pak by EPALTODA President Macario Recto. Punyeta.


3: Ano kaya ang unang ginawa ni Senador Loren Legarda nang makita ang larawang ito?
A: Sinabon ang mga supporters. “Kung gusto n’yo ng pondo, ayusin n’yo ang trabaho n’yo!”
B: Ipinahanap ang basurahan at ipinaalis ang kanyang pangalan.
C: Inamoy ang kanyang sarili. Baka kasi totoo ang nakasulat sa trash can.


4: Sabi sa streamer: “Ang tunay na solusyon sa krimen ay lumantad, magsalita at ituro ang gumagawa ng krimen.” Ano ang kaugnayan ng campaign sa walong tao sa larawan.
A: Ewan. Baka sila ang gumagawa ng krimen.
B: Hindi kasi lalantad ang witness kapag hindi nakalantad ang mukha ng local government officials. Dapat may peg. Sila ‘yon.
C: Isa lang ang masasabi ko: “Ang tunay na solusyon sa pagtitipid ay pagbabawal sa epal tarpaulins. Magsalita at ituro ang gumagawa ng epal tarps! Ngayon din.”
D: (Oo, may letter D!) Susme! Bakit nand’yan naman ang Pambansang Bangs!?!?


5: Mula pa rin sa Quezon City… anong lesson ang nais iparating sa atin ng larawang ito?
A: Hindi matutuloy ang turn over ng stretchers hangga’t hindi isinasabit ang tarpaulin.
B: Kung walang Julian Coseteng, walang stretchers, so dapat mahiya tayo sa kanya.
C: Kung idi-display ang picture sa tarp, dapat bagong facial para pleasing.


6: Kung makakausap mo ang Kongresista mula sa Bicolandia, ano ang sasabihin o itatanong mo sa kanya?
A: Bakit ho mas malaki pa ang inyong pangalan kaysa sa paaralan?
B: May nagtangka na ho bang umagaw o magnakaw sa bubong na ito kaya kailangang lagyan ng higanteng pangalan n’yo?
C: Napansin n’yo ba ang sirang bahagi ng bubong? Sa inyong palagay, anong mga kasalanan ang nagawa n’yo at galit sa inyo pati anay?


7: Ito po ay streamer tampok si Laguna Third District Representative Ivy Arago. Remember her? May gusto kang sabihin?
A: Dear Congresswoman, NBA Champs po ng 2011-2012 season ang Miami Heat, hindi lang ng Eastern Conference. FYI.
B: “I know, right!?” – Coach Spo *facepalm*
C: Ang kaepalan ay hindi lang pampulitika, pang-sports pa!


8: Welcome to Davao Del Sur. Bakit ‘yong babae sa gitna, parang ‘di masaya?
A: Tuwing may napapadaan kasi sa tapat ng tarpaulin, minumura silang tatlo.
B: Mali ang nailagay na picture niya. Hindi ‘yon ang kanyang best angle.
C: Kinakabahan siya sa pictorial. Baka kasi mapasama sila sa Epal Quiz. Tama ang kutob n’ya!


9: Sa Meycauayan, Bulacan, namahagi ng World Teachers’ Day Award kamakailan si Mayor Joan V. Alarilla. At dahil siya ang “sponsor” ng award, kasama ang mukha niya sa tropeyo. Kung makakatanggap ka ng ganito, ano ang gagawin mo?
A: Ibabalik ko ang trophy. “Give me some dignity!”
B: Kukunan ko ng picture ang trophy at bago ikalat sa Internet, lalagyan ko ng caption: ‘Huwag tularan.’
C: Tatawag ako kay Mayora, magpapasalamat sabay tanong, “Ano ka pioneer ng education? Kailangan talagang ‘yong bust mo nasa trophy? Sino ka, si Maria Montessori?”


10: “Congratulations! PUP Sto. Tomas Branch: Champion 2012 Interbranch Basketball Tournament.” Ang tanong:
A: Nasaan ang players? Bakit picture ng mga referee at waterboy ang nasa tarp?
B: Bakit unfair ang konseho? Bakit walang tarp nang manalo sa Interbranch Buko Pie Eating Contest ang PUP?
C: Hanggang sa Sto. Tomas ba naman kasama pa rin sa tarp si Winnie “Bangs” Castelo?

Guess what, the Philippines made it here: The 8 Weirdest Real-Life Science Fiction Political Ads

Congratulations Quezon City! We are so proud of you. NOT. Neknek n’yo!

IN OTHER NEWS…
In a speech in New Zealand, President Aquino cracked a wheelchair joke. The ‘wheelchair’ is the new ‘love life.’

Tantrum
Two days ago, Rappler’s Inside Track section wrote an item about a “reporter” who threw a tantrum while covering the canonization of San Pedro Calungsod in Rome. Another source said the reporter refused to be photographed by the Filipino crowd. Somebody quipped “baka namaligno.”

Matt Evans
Actor Matt Evans posted bail after spending nearly two days in jail for allegedly hitting his live-in partner. The alleged victim charged Evans with violation of the Anti-Violence Against Women and Children Act. The actor was released after posting bail of 200 pesos or as Evans would probably say, “pang-yosi.”

Enjoy the rest of the week!

Maraming salamat po sa mga sumusunod:
Epal Watch, Anti-Epal-Camarines Sur, Anti-Epal Zambales, Rea Adalia, Cholo Bunag, Archie Cadungog Grapa, Dwayne Anderson, Laline Frondozo, pssst.com.ph.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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17 responses

24 10 2012
blody fronda

Takte..laftrip n nmn..ate V, ikaw na..no winnie ikaw na!

24 10 2012
em

part VI na wala paring makati!

26 10 2012
professionalheckler

hi Em! send me something aside from that Monique Lagdameo van. also, baka meron kang epal photos from malabon, navotas, pateros, at muntinlupa send ka rin. salamat.

24 10 2012
joyce

nice one….

25 10 2012
Wilma Santos

Oh, Korina pala. Baka feeling ‘first lady’ na?

25 10 2012
Libertas

“It is by vivacity and wit that man shines in company; but trite jokes reduce him to a buffoon”
Lord Chesterfield

In the global village p-noy continues to play the idiot-in-chief.

If you gathered together all the idiots from all the villages, you would end up with congress.

25 10 2012
Timow

Sagot:
1. B, 2. C, 3. B, 4. A, 5. C, 6. C, 7. C, 8. B, 9. A, 10. A
* * * * * * * * * *
Wheelchair jokes? Can you try a truck pushing the wheelchair in NLEX or SLEX going beyond 80 kilometers an hour (50 miles per hour)? Pwede ba yan sa Guinness Book of World Records?
* * * * * * * * * *
The feud of Matt Evans should have been on TV5’s “Face to Face.” Shame. Pero, gusto ko makita ang mukha niya.

25 10 2012
Mark

Panalo ka talaga Heckler! Hahahaha!

25 10 2012
Libertas

The aquinos fund akbayan!!
It explains a lot, and shows how unprincipled they all are.
Do they also fund rappler, since rappler continues to refuse to name its backers.
P-noy – the destroyer of democracy.

25 10 2012
telly bernardo

Para consistent and laro sa letrang B at S nyang Bong Suntay na yan, dapat yung subok na serbisyo ay gawing Bulok na Serbisyo. Ano nga pala ang ibig sabihin sa English ng BS?

28 10 2012
Sam

Ball sheet? Hehe

25 10 2012
senior60

mister heckler bakit wala pa rin sa makati, takot ka ma maligno?

25 10 2012
doodzz

Lupit nung “Congratulations Coach Erik Celino Spoelstra” na tarp! Di ko kinaya. Serbisyong totoo at subok na!

25 10 2012
Anonymous

star for all season…pwede showbiz pwede politics..

26 10 2012
Ruby Lao

I enjoyed watching “Sumbong sumbong …” which was an attachment to The PH blog for today. Thank you!

27 10 2012
Anonymous

Hahahahahahahahha! Another obra maestra from HecklerForever! Me tatablan kaya?

27 10 2012
Nancy Avelino

Hahahhaaahhhaaa! Another obra maestra!

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