LIGHT BULB JOKES, ANYONE?

21 09 2012

LET’S TAKE IT EASY this weekend with another dose of light bulb jokes. Enjoy!


Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to order the filing of a case against those who purchased the overpriced, low quality burnt bulb.

Q: How many presidential spokespersons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to spread the good news on Twitter.

Q: How many Mar Roxases does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to confirm the death of the old bulb and one to replace it.

Q: How many anti-RH Bill legislators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one but he will probably delay it.

Q: How many Herbert Bautistas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to put up a streamer announcing the accomplishment.

Q: How many Villafuertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One whole family. But expect infighting and discord during the installation.

Q: How many Lourdes Serenos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If it’s God’s will, there will be light.

Q: How many Antonio Trillaneses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: He’s not interested. He’d rather change the Senate leadership.

Q: How many Alfredo Lims does it take to change a light bulb?
A: O, pwede nang dalawa. One to change it and one to shoot the old bulb.

Q: How many Tito Sottos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. He’ll let somebody else do the task and claim later that he did it himself.

Q: How many Joel Villanuevas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 51. One to change it and 50 to observe and learn from the free electrical training.

Q: How many Pinoys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Juan.

Q: How many Ateneans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many Greg Slaughters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One-half.

Q: How many Thomasians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it as four others chant, ‘Go USTe! Go USTe! Go USTe! Go! Go! Go! Go!”

Q: How many UP alumni does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one – holding the burnt bulb – to condemn state abandonment of education.

Q: How many La Sallians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “F*ck off! Lagi na lang kaming punchline!”

Q: How many La Sallians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They have employees to do that for them.

Q: How many Marzan couples does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One couple to change it and another couple to beat the crap out of the burnt bulb.

Q: How many Vice Gandas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Napundi lang ang bumbilya, papalitan agad ng bago? ‘Di ba pwedeng mag-kandila muna para tipid?”

A: Isa lang.
Q: How many Madam Aurings does it take to change a light bulb?
———————————–
“It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for any public office.”
~ H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day
“Mabuti nga nagkakasya pa ang ulo niya sa elevator.”
~Former President Joseph Estrada accusing Sen. Antonio Trillanes of being arrogant and an ingrate

Personal
Good luck to the members and coaching staff of the UP Pep Squad who are seeking a 3-peat in the 2012 UAAP Cheerdance Competition on Saturday, Sept. 22 at SM MOA Steep Much Arena. To all the teams competing, break a leg. [Please don’t take that literally.]

Ibalik ang Cheerdance Competition sa Araneta Coliseum!

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


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16 responses

21 09 2012
derdo

Kaya baligtad – nauna ang question sa answer ni Madame Auring dahil nahulaan niya ang tanong bago ito tinanong? Flummoxed.

22 09 2012
Timow

Dear Professional Heckler,

Being one of your loyal online readers,
A serious blog cited you up in hot water,
In the risk of “online libel” by a sedentary author
We will support you. Long live Professional Heckler!

-timow

* * * * * * * * * *

Seriously, GetRealPhilippines is pointing you as the most riskiest person to be sued for “online libel.” We will ever support you, mabuhay si Professional Heckler!

* * * * * * * * * *

Q: How many Get Realists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they will just lament and lambaste without a plan of action to change it.

24 09 2012
Libertas

Agree

“It is a paradox that every dictator has climbed to power on the ladder of free speech.
Immediately on attaining power each dictator
has suppressed all free speech except his
own”
Herbert Hoover

22 09 2012
Libertas

Illuminating!

Q. How many secret agents does it take to change a light bulb
A. If i tell you, i will have to kill you.

Q. How many not so secret agents does it take ….
A. One. He likes to brag and take all the credit for it.

Q. How many thought police does it take …..
A. There was NO lightbulb, remember.

23 09 2012
Ayeesha Dicali

fave: nauna ang sagot kesa tanong kay madam auring. lol

23 09 2012
epal

@professional heckler, ‘yong supreme authority page by tim yap “exclusive interview kay sen. Miriam” ng philippine star newspaper set. 22 issue, parang same sayo ah., ikaw ba scriptwriter nun? Hehe ask lang.

23 09 2012
professionalheckler

no, that’s a real interview with the senator.

23 09 2012
Libertas

Q. How many chinese does it take to change a light bulb
A. None. They get a filipino to do it for them

23 09 2012
Libertas

Q. How many lesbians does it take to screw a light bulb
A. Two, and no you can’t watch

Q. How many gays does it take to change a light bulb
A. Two, one to change it and one to scream ‘awesome, darling’

Enough homophobia. Live and let love.
Variety is the spice of life – as the bishop said to the altar boy

23 09 2012
riaair23

2nd try .

24 09 2012
Libertas

Q. How many villaneuvas does it take to change a light bulb.
A. None. He has walked away so bam aquino can take over! (Shades of roxas/p-noy)

24 09 2012
Libertas

Q. How many senators does it take to change a light bulb
A. None. The gays are worrying about their hair, the gay ex-senator is hiding under the desk, the senate president is trying hard to rewrite his history, and the rest are on a ‘conference’ abroad.

What a gay day in politics, and a dark one for the country

24 09 2012
Libertas

Q. How many leni robredos does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. 3. One to say no, one to say yes, and one to get her daughter to do it in a tv documentary.

Death is not just an emotional loss but a political opportunity

29 09 2012
Ria

Dear Heckler,  I  didn’t get it until now when checked email.  those fb games application sent automatically to my contacts whenever i play. di ko  naisip eh. now ko rin lang nabasa wp replied.  anyway, my wp acct. has been changed na. so, it won’t mixed up na eh. ;)) inform me if still bothering you…ria

________________________________

1 10 2012
professionalheckler

hey. that TWEET wasn’t for you. don’t worry. it’s for my cousin hehehee

21 11 2012
Anon

How many ateneans does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have yayas to do it for them.

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