RUMORS, FACTS & HUMOR

27 05 2012

Fifty Baseless Facts About the Government and Political Figures


No. 1: Joseph Estrada was a virgin when he married Luisa Ejercito.

No. 2: Manny Villar was so poor, his parents were only able to have him circumsized when he was already 16.

No. 3: In high school, Renato Corona was voted “Most Likely to Get Away With Anything.”

No. 4: On a scale of Lito Lapid to Miriam Defensor-Santiago, the average Senate IQ is Tito Sotto.

No. 5: Serafin Cuevas helped craft the Code of Hammurabi.

No. 6: Niel Tupas hated math in grade school. He’s poor in counting.

No. 7: The Imelda Marcos we see in Congress today is not the real Imelda Marcos. The former First Lady died in New York in 1999 at age 70.

No. 8: Juan Ponce Enrile can recite pi to 500 digits.

No. 9: The all-time favorite movie of Koko Pimentel’s ex-wife, Jewel May Lobaton is “Unfaithful.”

No. 10: By the time a congressman completes his first term, his net worth has increased by 85 percent.No. 11: Loren Legarda’s first ‘crush’ was her 25-year-old neighbor. She was only 10 then.

No. 12: President Aquino has nocturnal enuresis.

No. 13: Until 2010, Mar Roxas didn’t know how to ride a bicycle.

No. 14: Panfilo Lacson sleeps with a gun under his pillow.

No. 15: Grace Lee is allergic to second-hand smoke.

No. 16:   Toby Tiangco finished first runner-up in the ‘Mr. Xavier School’ pageant in 1985. The title was won by sophomore student Jose ‘JV’ Ejercito.

No. 17: Lawyer Karen Jimeno was born male.

No. 18: Ricky Carandang has a secret account on Twitter.

No.19: A recent study revealed 10 out of 5 opinion columnists of the Philippine Daily Inquirer believed Chief Justice Renato Corona would be convicted.

No. 20: Jejomar Binay switches to 24Oras whenever Korina Sanchez is reading the news on TV Patrol.No. 21: Bong Revilla converted to Islam in 2002.

No. 22: Next to Revilla, Edgardo Angara is the most sexually active member of the Senate.

No. 23: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is taller in the afternoon.

No. 24: Lawyer Ferdie Topacio worked as a standup comic to finance his post-grad studies.

No. 25: Under ‘Assets,’ Ronald Llamas declared in his SALN some 1,750 DVDs, VCDs, and CDs.

No. 26: DFA Secretary Albert Del Rosario, the richest cabinet member has 85 dollar acounts.

No. 27: Franklin Drilon has tried at least three diet programs in the last three years: Atkins, Cohen, and South Beach.

No. 28: A classified report showed 8 in 10 Customs officials/employees have accepted bribes and other gifts from smugglers.

No. 29: Mommy Dionisia noticed Manny Pacquiao’s homosexual tendencies in high school. She forced him to try boxing.

No. 30: Since DLSU joined the UAAP in 1986, DepEd’s Bro. Armin Luistro has never missed a single La Salle Archers game.

No. 31: Feeling insulted, Butch Abad rejected an endorsement offer from Svenson.

No. 32: Lito Lapid is undergoing therapy for epistemophobia.

No. 33: The Black and White Movement is the most dominant political party in the country today; in close second, Akbayan.

No. 34: Prospero Pichay eats all kinds of vegetables except for pechay.

No. 35: ETC Channel has offered the Basa sisters a reality show.

No. 36: The date of release of SWS and Pulse Asia surveys is subject to the approval of the Presidential Communications Group.

No. 37: Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa is Chief Justice Renato Corona’s ‘eyes & ears’ in Malacañang.

No. 38: Jules Ledesma can speak Latin, Greek, and Sanskrit all at the same time. He is also ambidextrous, a somnambulist and a contortionist.

No. 39: Malacañang has postponed the release of the new 2,000-peso bill that promotes motherhood. The denomination features Kris Aquino, Josh, and Bimby..

No. 40: At least three senators admitted they have had ‘experience’ with the third sex, two during college and another, “just recently.”

No. 41: Kim Henares and Dinky Soliman are first cousins.

No. 42: When Mar Roxas lost the vice presidency, Judy Araneta-Roxas texted Korina Sanchez and said, “Jinx!”

No. 43: Jamby Madrigal was a national arm wrestling champion in grade school.


No. 44: In no particular order, the three government officials with the highest Temple Run scores are Tesda’s Joel Villanueva, MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino and Health Undersecretary Dr. Eric Tayag.

No. 45: Manoling Morato did the styling (including hair and make up) of co-host Maggie De La Riva in the controversial PCSO program “Dial M.’’

No. 46: Viel Aquino-Dee was bullied by Kris Aquino when they were young. She has yet to recover from the trauma.

No. 47: Conchita Carpio-Morales was a piranha in her past life.

No. 48: On the average, Sharon Cuneta-Pangilinan tweets 850 times a day: 500 replies to her bashers, and 350 Biblical quotes.

No. 49: Abigail Valte spends 45 minutes fixing her eyebrows daily.

No. 50: Chiz Escudero has a twin sister named Villa.

*Rumors, Facts and Humor was also the title of a defunct local showbiz talk show.
——————————–
“There are no facts, only interpretations.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Photo of the Weak
Caption this!


Quotes Quiz. Who said:
“What is clear between us is that the [reported] third party was not the reason for the separation.”
A: Sen. Koko Pimentel
B: Jewel May Lobaton (Pimentel)
C: Sen. Chiz Escudero
D: Christine Flores (Escudero)

You Have Spoken
Ano ang nais mong maging hatol ng impeachment court kay CJ Corona?
-Acquit! 35.63%
-Convict! 54.45%
-Problema na nila ‘yon. Wala akong pakialam. 9.91%

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Answer to Quotes Quiz: B.

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41 responses

27 05 2012
libertas

Nice.

Fav – no.4 – lito lapid could spar with pacquaio in the intellectual stakes.
Fact – no. 36 – next sws/pulse asia survey any day now

Captions:
“Don’t play with yourself in public!”
“Don’t despair, there are plenty of other whoreans”
“Is he sleeping, or working? – I can never tell”
“I know he’s been acquitted, but be a man about it”
“You have to stay in the naughty chair for repeatedly lying”
“OK, so Binay is more popular”
“Mummy”

4 02 2013
Ingkay

“Don’t play with yourself in public!”

Bongga ito! Ahihihi

27 05 2012
libertas

Caption (sort of)
P-noy – “I would rather excel in the knowledge of what is excellent and just, than in the extent of my power and dominion” – hehe, only joking – had you fooled, again”
Adapted Alexander the Great – Aquino the Great Schoolboy

27 05 2012
libertas

No. 41 – senator drilon taken to ICU at thought of having to divulge undeclared 160 million peso mansion in kayawan road forbes park. (especially when SALN total only 33 million – haha)
ombudsman i register a complaint

27 05 2012
J Glenn I Jereza (@LA5602phl)

I just love Nos. 17 and 29 … bwahahahahahahahaha!

27 05 2012
derdo

One of your funniest yet…

27 05 2012
brianitus

LOL. Funny ka talaga Heckler. Favorite:

“No. 23: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is taller in the afternoon.”

Tingin ko lang ay ang Photo of the Weak Caption dapat ay:

“Abra-abracadabra, Buhok, Tutubo ka!”

30 05 2012
kikayness

sobrang natawa ako dun sa “buhok tutubo ka”

1 06 2012
brianitus

Maraming salamat sa iyong pagtawa. Sana’y madagdagan pa ang iyong saya. =)

27 05 2012
Marou

You’re my daily dose of laughter. Thank you for keeping me young with your tweets and blog posts :-)) Winner ka talaga!

27 05 2012
philipsanchez

No. 40: Chiz Escudero has a twin sister named Villa.
lol. ph. antagal ko to bago nagets, wahhaha..
ayos

27 05 2012
eddibumangon

ang slow mo naman :-)

ph, ano ba ang punch line tungkol kay Atty Karen Jimeno, di ko na gets.

28 05 2012
Anonymous

she looks like a tranny

30 05 2012
senior60

mabuti pa si slow, naka gets, matagal nga lang

27 05 2012
etchosera

di naman po kami nagtataka…… promise!

may mga tao talagang medyo slow…… that’s a fact!

Ahihihihihihihi!

27 05 2012
Randy Mina Boniquit (@RaMBoniquit)

Inabot ko ang “Rumors, Facts And Humor” nina Alfie Lorenzo, Chanda Romero at Janice Jurado. Siguro, Grade 1 ka pa lang siguro nang mga panahon na ‘yun ► Rated PG. Ang susunod na palabas ay Rated PG. Patnubay ng Magulang Kailangan.

14 10 2012
Anonymous

Diyan yung pinukpok ni Divina Valencia si Alfie Lorenzo ng mic. Tapos next episode lahat sila nakahelmet, hahaha!

16 10 2012
Sam

Eh db pinukpok din ni divina valencia si dr rey dela cruz sa eye to eye nun?

27 05 2012
libertas

Decision Day – thoughts

“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage.
Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.” – Erma Bombeck –
‘ eating balut is another ‘

“He who commits injustice is more wretched than he who suffers it” – Plato

27 05 2012
Nickie Wang

Reblogged this on WITHOUT WANG².

27 05 2012
Judith

Just laughed hard at nos. 2, 6, 11, 29, 27, 43 and most especially 49. SRSLY?! 45 MINS. FOR EYEBROWS ONLY?! LOLOLOL

27 05 2012
Judith

Ayy yung caption pa! “ok lang mapanot tol, wag lang makalbo. We can feel you.” :D

28 05 2012
kenyo

Facts: The heckler can write more than hundred humurous blog in an hour…

28 05 2012
soxy

circumsize for circumcise? ha ha ha

30 05 2012
senior60

topacio?

28 05 2012
jasper

fact or rumor – the tulfo bros teach call center english at plm.

phot caption – tahan na noynoy. alam naman namin hindi ka bakla.

28 05 2012
cecille

FYI: JV Ejercito’s 1st name is Joseph just like his dad. Not Jose. :)

28 05 2012
libertas

“There are no facts, only interpretations.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the
right way, the correct way, and the only way, it
does not exist.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

28 05 2012
libertas

disappointed jessica sanchez not mentioned in the prosecutions closing history lesson

28 05 2012
Layla

HAHAHA NUMBER 6! PANALO! :)

28 05 2012
tcbernardo

“What is clear between us is that the (reported} third party was not the reason for the separation” – Jewel May Lobotan (Pimentel). Yeah, it was the UNREPORTED third party.

29 05 2012
Nonoy

An old man like him can recite Pi up to 500 digits? Amazing! Speaking of numbers, Cong. Tupas is really poor in Math. He did not even know the value of his mansion and the the total value of the favors he gets from the administration. Whew! Pathetic!

No. 47: Conchita Carpio-Morales was a piranha in her past life.
RE: Totoo ito (based on baseless facts). Malupit na piranha siya before naging human being.

Best laugh ever! LOL.

29 05 2012
applem048

Enrile is amazing! Imagine he can recite pi to 500 digits? Very interesting topic.

Current Events in Philippines

29 05 2012
Abe ancheta

Funny ka tlagah…..grabeeeeh labeeeeet <3

8 06 2012
arthur m.

photo caption: not all heads are perfect, some have hairs on them!

8 07 2012
Anonymous

is no, 7 true??

14 10 2012
Cheli422

Hahaha, panalo yung #48! Negastar nga ngayon si Sharon.

Naabutan ko yung Rumors, Facts & Humor. Diyan yung pinukpok ni Divina Valencia si Alfie Lorenzo ng mic. Tapos next episode lahat sila nakahelmet, hahaha!

23 10 2012
David Magsalsal

HA HA HA MASARAP TALAGA GAWING BIRO ANG KATOTOHANAN…

18 11 2012
yasmin1030

the best yung #48 hahahahaha!!!

18 11 2012
mabsmethinks

haha! lahat talaga nakakatuwa. yung kay tita shawie, for the win! minsan kasi ang bait ng mga tweets nya minsan naman ang maldita.

12 03 2013
@itsmejhayd

CAPTION:

“What’s for Lunch?” PNoy asked the prayer leaders right after opening his eyes. So he fell asleep, SO WHAT?

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