TRAFFIC & MORE LIGHT BULB JOKES

20 04 2012


CNNGo.Com named Manila as the world’s third worst city for driving. That is totally unfair. Manila should have at least placed second.

MMDA chairman Francis Tolentino doubted CNN’s report and questioned its basis. CNN immediately issued a rejoinder saying it respects Tolentino’s in denial stance on the matter.

(Not So) Panatag Shoal
Are you monitoring the news on Scarborough Shoal? China has been sending its state of the art vessels in the disputed sandbar. Meanwhile, the government sent the 47-year-old BRP Gregorio Del Pilar and the M/Y Saranggani, a Philippine archaeological vessel. And then something awkward happened. The Philippines was compelled to pull out BRP Gregorio Del Pilar because the Chinese mistook it for an artifact.

Savings
The first Consumer Finance Survey conducted by the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas revealed 78.5 percent of Filipino families do not have bank deposits.The rest were politicians.

Court Order
SM Baguio refused to accept a court order that sought to stop the uprooting of trees in Luneta Hill where SM intends to build a parking lot. BREAKING: SM Baguio is reportedly changing its name to “Leila De Lima Mall.”

Erap is 75
Happy birthday to former president Joseph Estrada who turned 75 on April 19. Joseph Estrada: Today… a name; tomorrow… a Manila resident.

Reports say former President Joseph Estrada, a resident and former mayor of San Juan will run for mayor of Manila. And Arnold Clavio was like, “Hindi ka naman taga-Maynila eh. Nagkukunwari ka lang Manileño!”

Nora vs. Vilma
Bacolod Rep. Anthony Golez proposed that Nora Aunor be declared a National Artist. Quezon Rep. Erin Tañada proposed that Vilma Santos be declared a National Artist too. The public proposed that these congressmen attend to more important matters.

Robinsons Robbery
One of the two suspects in the Robinsons Galleria mall robbery last March 28 was arrested in Iloilo. He was immediately brought to Manila where he was positively identified by one of the witnesses, the “snake.”


Let There Be Light (2012) II
Q: How many Juan Miguel Zubiris does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But he will quit before the job is done.

Q: How many Loren Legardas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to blame global warming for the short bulb life.

Q: How many Leila De Limas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it, one to file a complaint against the manufacturer of the old bulb, and one to issue a hold departure against the same manufacturer. (Wait, there’s a fourth one: to hold a press conference and update the media on the case.)

Q: How many Greenpeace members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to recycle the burnt bulb.

Q: How many Felipe L. Gozons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one… but at the right price.

Q: How many Manny V. Pangilinans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He’ll pay someone to do it for him.

Q: How many presidential spokespersons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to tweet about a job well done.

Q: How many lawyers from ‘The Firm’ (Villaraza Cruz Marcelo & Angangco) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends. How many can you afford?

Q: How many Joseph Estradas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change it, and three to shout, “Mabuhay si Presidente Erap!”

Q: How many Hayden Kho Jrs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another to secretly videotape what’s happening.

Q: How many Lito Lapids does it take to change a light bulb?
A:

Q: How many Lito Lapids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “What’s a light bulb?”

Q: How many Tourism secretaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s more fun in the dark!
——————————————-
“Life is too short for traffic.”
~ Dan Bellack

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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16 responses

20 04 2012
assilem

LOL @lito lapids! It’s blank..haha..#alamna

20 04 2012
Girl On Top (@GirrrlOnTop)

I wonder if the blank answer on the Lito Lapid Light Bulb joke is intentional. But I must say for me, it’s more funny than the other Lito Lapid joke. That silent/blank punchline.

20 04 2012
libertas

How many mindanaoans does it take to change a light bulb?
Whats the point.

In the beginning there was nothing, and God said ” let there be light”, and there was light – and brownouts, and profiteering.

20 04 2012
amateur heckler

“at bakit ko naman papalitan tong ‘bombilya’ ko? maraming itong nabigyang liwanag sa dilim at napasaya” – Lito L.

22 04 2012
etchosera

Ayoko! Ayokong talagang mag-comment!

Mabait na po ako ngayon!

20 04 2012
onat725

nagblank ang unang sagot ni lito lapid kasi natutulog pa sya nung unang tanong. nung second question na, naalimpungatan naman sya hehehe. panalo si lito, iboto natin sya kung tumakbo uli. lol.

21 04 2012
libertas

“I’ve had a productive life” said erap at his bday party. With his 6 ‘wives’ and 12 children in attendance he was obviously not referring to his political career!
The comedy king and cartoon character lives on.
Theres no fool like an old fool.

22 04 2012
hayden ako

Thanks, prof. Sarap naman mamention sa blog mo paminsan. Hi, babe. If you are still following this blog, musta ka na?

23 04 2012
senior60

re: nora vs. vilma

at ang sabi naman ni jinggoy, before nora and vilma,

si dolphy muna, ikaw etchos, sino gusto mo

24 04 2012
etchosera

Sino gusto ko? Siyempre yung asawa ko!

25 04 2012
senior60

anoooo??? may asawa ka pala etchos?

23 04 2012
senior60

mister heckler, totoo ba na si snake ay kakambal ni robina?

ikaw etchos, naniniwala ka?

24 04 2012
etchosera

Maniniwala lang ako kung aaminin mo rin na kakambal mo si Lolong!

Ahihihihihihi!

25 04 2012
senior60

huwag ka na lang maniwala

1 05 2012
Infinite Justice

60 ka na naniniwala ka pa sa kwentong yan???

24 04 2012
etonako0393

hehe, gawa ka naman ng “why did the chicken cross the road?”

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