FAILURE TO LAUNCH

12 04 2012

BREAKING: FRIDAY THE 13TH, North Korea launches rocket!

Reports say the long-range missile broke apart in the air and crashed right into the ocean. The North Korean rocket launch failed. And Kim Jong-un is blaming Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Renato Corona.

The North Korean rocket launch was a failure. They’re not prepared! In fact, our NDRRMC is more prepared than North Korea.

The NDRRMC confirms the North Korean rocket broke apart and crashed into the Yellow Sea. Malacañang was quick to deny that the rocket was pro-Noynoy.

North Korea will release a statement in a while. They’re just fixing their telegraph.

I wish a portion of the rocket develops a life of its own, boomerangs, and slams right into kim jong-un’s fat face!
————————-

NORTH KOREA has potponed its highly anticipated rocket launch Thursday morning. This, after Kim Jong-Un woke up late after partying the night before with former classmates from the Ateneo De Pyongyang.


North Korea’s rocket launch was postponed Thursday due to bad weather. Kim Jong-un admitted he didn’t expect the unfavorable weather condition. Embarrassed, a furious Kim fired weather bureau chief, Prisconilo Yong-nam.

Reports say though that North Korea will push through with the scheduled rocket launch within the next 48 hours. Jack Bauer’s got plenty of time to stop it.

At around 5PM, Thursday, the Philippine government said there’s no sighting yet of the North Korean rocket, or of Joel T. Reyes and of Jovito Palparan.

On Wednesday, Kim Jong-un was formally promoted chief of North Korea’s ruling political group, the Workers’ Party. Kim Jong-un vowed to continue what his father Kim Jong-il had started: developing nuclear & missile programs, and starving his people.

Population & Politics
As of May 1, 2010, there are 92.34 million Filipinos. Yup, there are over 92 million Filipinos today… and yet, the Liberal Party couldn’t come up with a strong senatorial slate for 2013.

Vice President Binay’s PDP Laban and ex-president Joseph Estrada’s Partido ng Masang Pilipino have signed a coalition agreement for the 2013 elections. Not to be outdone, the Liberal Party will soon form a coalition with Pulse Asia and the Social Weather Stations.

PDP Laban and Partido ng Masang Pilipino formed a coalition to ensure victory in the 2013 elections. Don’t count the Liberal Party out yet. LP looks forward to forming a coalition with ABS-CBN and the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Willie & Politics
TV host Willie Revillame is seeking accreditation for his foundation called “I Wil Serve” as a party-list group in the 2013 midterm elections. The National Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council has advised Filipinos to remain on alert and vigilant.

Pacman’s Ad
Reports say Manny Pacquiao is the new endorser of Hennessy, an expensive Cognac brand. Sought for reaction, God said, “Disappointing!”

Overseas…
Former Senator Rick Santorum has withdrawn his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. He is expected to give his support to his good friend, Noynoy Romney.

Titanic 100
This week marks the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. Let’s offer a minute of silence for the repose of the soul of Leonardo DiCaprio.

Miss Universe
For the first time in the history of the Miss Universe pageant, transgendered contestants will be allowed to join. In a related development, also for the first time in history, the Miss Universe pageant will accept contestants from other planets.
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“If you can’t go around it, over it, or through it, you had better negotiate with it”
~Ashleigh Brilliant

Happy Weekend!

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18 responses

12 04 2012
gigster

about Ms (Mr?) Universe, in the future, maybe robots could join too. but only unmarried, childless robots so as to fit with the rest of the criteria :D

12 04 2012
libertas

Questions & answers

The transgendered miss canada to compete in miss universe.
The only question is – would you !?

The overrated Willie w#nka to set up a party list
The only answer is No!

“Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?”
Marilyn Monroe

14 04 2012
etchosera

tapos ‘teh, anong nangyari?

13 04 2012
sadakups

Making Noynoy jokes out of Kim Jong-un is funny and scary at the same time. #justsaying

Binay is already politicking this early, no surprise there. Funny thing that he denied all the texts that spread last Holy Week.

13 04 2012
libertas

kim jong-un – 2 girls short of a threesome, and now no power in his rocket.

13 04 2012
onat725

so much hype and oa preparation were made on the rocket launch of nokor, yet ‘supot’ lang pala yung putok. nanghinayang tuloy ang mga bakal boys na nag aabang ng debris.

13 04 2012
jasper

i consider myself tolerant towards persons with wayward genders but enough is enough. transgenders should have their own beauty contests just like gays.

14 04 2012
senior60

ang lupit mo naman mister heckler, ang bata pa naman ni kim, 20-something only daw

14 04 2012
libertas

Kim jong-un – ” Idiot, I said ‘rocket salad for lunch’ NOT ‘rocket cleared for launch’

14 04 2012
etchosera

ahihihihihi! ahihihihihihi! ahihihihihi!

14 04 2012
bernie

now it comes out all the more—artificial na talaga ang criteria ng Ms Universe!!! parang dagok sa pagka-babae—no matter how “sexist” this may sound! Boo!

14 04 2012
checkmate

hehe kulit din nung mga nagpapakana ng miss universe ah di na lang isipin na kaya nga “miss”, hindi “misster”. paano kaya introduction ng emcee? may disclaimer? saka kung hindi ako nagkakamali, ang alam ko kahit pustiso bawal sa kanila, tapos ngayon eto, papansin lang yata -_-

hehehe umay na yata ako kaya mas may opinion pa ako sa miss u kesa sa local politics -_-

naisip ko din na parang wala atang dapat ikatakot kasi di ba nito lang parang may nabalitaan ako na mga us aircraft carrier na malapit sa atin, bukod dyan, hahayaan ba ng america yan ^_^

ang tanong, san kumukuha ng pondo ang north korea para makagawa sila ng ganyan? alam na kung saan pero bakit ung etong bansa natin kahit pangontra sa mga ganyan wala tayo? tapos sabi ni noynoy may contingency plans sila na sila lang ang makakaligtas pero ung mga kababayan natin dito nakanganga lang. partida maraming sanctions sa north korea, mahina economy nila tapos sa atin naman, wala na si pgma, nilalakbay na natin ang “tuwid na daan” pero wala pa rin, bakit kaya? gising na Pilipinas

15 04 2012
WakaWaka

Tulog pala ang Pilipinas?

16 04 2012
skunk repellent

Kim Jong-Un looks impressive in a picture. All this regime and space program is total failure.

17 04 2012
Tell it like it is

Ganito pa rin pala kababa ang pag-intindi ng mga Pinoy tungkol sa transgender. Hindi sila taga-ibang planeta, robot, o persons with “WAYWARD GENDERS.” Katabi natin sila, tao pa rin. Tolerance amounts to nothing without understanding what it before you, and ultimately, it means nothing without acceptance. Pasalamat na lang tayo na “tolerant” ang karamihan sa mga Pinoy sa mga bobo, at hindi pinapatay.

18 04 2012
professionalheckler

APPARENTLY, you didn’t get it. It was an offshoot of the running joke that the Miss Universe pageant was rigged since all winners were from Earth. There’s no intention whatsoever to portray transgender as from another world or planet. Sometimes hatred comes from things you misunderstand.

22 04 2012
Jim Morse.

No excuses, Professional Heckler. You didn’t write a wise-enough heckle. Admit to it.

22 04 2012
eddibumangon

Pasalamat na lang tayo na “tolerant” ang karamihan sa mga Pinoy sa mga pangit at hindi pinapatay. Kung nagkataon. kokonti na lang kaming matitira.

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