EXCLUSIVE! A LETTER FROM LLAMAS

31 01 2012

A WEEK AFTER HE was photographed buying pirated DVDs, presidential adviser on political affairs Ronald Llamas has reportedly sent an explanation letter to President Aquino. Here is the copy of that letter. Exclusive!


His Excellency Benigno Simeon C. Aquino III
President
Malacañan Palace
1610 JP Laurel St.
San Miguel, Manila

Pare Ko,

I guess you have been informed About Last Night. You know, Rumor Has It I purchased 2,000 pesos worth of pirated videos. Liar! Liar! Those reports were exaggerated. I only bought no more than 300. Ganito ang nangyari.

Monday, Se7en o’clock. It was Rush Hour. Grabe talaga ang Traffic. I was on The Road. Ayaw ko namang masayang ang oras sa kalye so I asked a Taxi Driver where I could kill time. Itinuro niya ang Circle C Mall sa Congressional Avenue in Quezon City. It was Closer than SM North Edsa kasi.

Pagdating sa Dulo, sinalubong ako ng mga vendors. Puro Segunda Mano pala ang tinda do’n. I really Wanted to buy some for the Little Children but something else caught my attention – DVDs! Sabi ko, Himala, hindi yata niri-raid ng Optical Media Board ang mall na ‘to.

Hindi mo naitatanong, movie buff ako. It was this Crazy, Stupid, Love for films that put me in Big Trouble! An editor/reporter from Bandera-Inquirer Saw me pala. Worse, nakunan niya ako habang bumibili! That was Proof! Can you Imagine That!? The next day, my photo was splashed all over The Paper. After the AK-47 controversy, ito naman!?? Ang Jologs ko! God… Why Me?

But then again, I realized, A Series of Unfortunate Events will not break me. Suportado ako ng Akbayan! Besides, Malacañang cannot say no to The Help that I offer.

Kay Dona Policar, ang editor ng Bandera, hmmpf, Look Who’s Talking?! Siguro, namimirata ka rin kaya andun ka sa mall na ’yon. Huwag na huwag lang magku-krus ang landas natin. I swear There Will Be Blood!

Kay Ronnie Rickets, Step Up your operation against piracy! Pati ako natutuksong bumili.

Sa aking mga kritiko, mauunawaan din n’yo ako Pagdating ng Panahon.

And to you my dear President, you’ve Got 2 Believe, I didn’t mean to Shame you. In fact, Kamakalawa, I returned to the mall upang ibalik ang DVD. When the vendors Saw me though, they Ran. The stalls were Gone In Sixty Seconds.

Ipagpatawad Mo mahal na Pangulo. Pangako, From Here to Eternity, ‘di na ako magiging Superbad.

Miss Na Miss Kita. Alam kong miss mo na rin ako. After all, we’re Friends With Benefits. Joooooke!

Hanggang Dito na Lamang at Maraming Salamat,

P.S.
Isikreto mo na lang ‘tong sulat na ‘to. Kung pwede lang, Burn After Reading.

BREAKING NEWS: President Aquino has replied to the letter of Secretary Llamas:

Bro,

Relaks Ka Lang… Sagot Kita.

Walang Iwanan… Peks Man!
Isa lang ang pakiusap ko sa ‘yo, please don’t Drag Me To Hell.

I Love You Man,
Noy

——————————————————————————–
“When you realize you’ve made a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.”
~Dan Heist

Day 9: The Impeachment Trial
Senator-judge Serge Osmeña says the prosecution panel has been really lazy. Tell us something we don’t know.

Vote Now
Please vote for the Prosecution Panel as 1 of the 7 New Wonders of the World. When you watch them kasi you’ll wonder: what the hell is happening? To vote, just key in  PP and send to 23718456 for all networks. Be careful when typing the number. That’s the order of the presentation of evidence.

Quote of the Day
“It seems I’ll be making some people very happy by being absent at the impeachment today. But I hope to get better and attend the trial soon.”
~Senator-judge Miriam Defensor-Santiago

Trivia
To those who do not follow me on Twitter: Last Monday, I tweeted some interesting facts about private prosecutor Joseph Joemer Perez. He was an alumnus of the award-winning ‘90s quiz show Battle of the Brains. Representing UP Diliman, he emerged as champion in 1998. Three years earlier, Joemer and classmate Paulo David Javier, representing San Jose Academy of Navotas won in the high school division.

Joemer was the Valedictorian of UP Law Class 2004. He placed 8th in the bar exams.

Who’s That Girl?
She’s always there. Who’s she?
Tell me your name
you’re lovely
Please tell me your name

Enjoy the rest of the week. Stay safe!

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62 responses

31 01 2012
EXCLUSIVE! A LETTER FROM LLAMAS

[...] YOU MAY ALSO READ THIS POST HERE. Filed Under: Uncategorized [...]

1 02 2012
Lynda Jumilla

going to sleep with a smile on my face. this is priceless. ikaw na talaga, loi

1 02 2012
professionalheckler

Salamat po Your Honor!

2 02 2012
qing dynasty

hi PH, sikat naman. sir danton remoto read your llamas letter and bumper stickers last night, in his radio show remoto control (radyo5). nice one …

3 02 2012
professionalheckler

oh really. i missed that. sayang.

1 02 2012
Wilma Santos

A masterpiece! Congratulations.

1 02 2012
junior30

Teacher Wilma, you’re back. Hi!

2 02 2012
Wilma Santos

How did you know again I used to teach?

2 02 2012
junior30

wala lang…

1 02 2012
Anonymous

uy in love si heckler

1 02 2012
amateur heckler

ph, please tell me her name too. in love na din ata ako pero kung ikaw ang karibal ko, talo na ako…share mo nalang dito ang pick-up lines mo please.

1 02 2012
qing dynasty

kanino sa battle of the brains or who’s that girl? :)

1 02 2012
junior30

bwahaha. nang-iintriga ka ha, baka magalit si ph sa yo.

1 02 2012
libertas

Villar – Either he’s got no neck, or needs a new tailor

Osmena – as knowledgeable on the property market as recto is on impeachment rules.

Its become as exciting as watching paint dry.

Public interest going down faster than alicia arroyo can say give me the money, or quicker than the audience leaving an anne curtis concert.

Rambone & Rambutt KTV bar is offering senators 40% discount – 50% if they come in 60 seconds.

If a wife is an asset and a mistress a liability then p-noy’s net worth is a zero, and some senators are in big trouble.

1 02 2012
senior60

bakit nasali si noynoy na isang binata

2 02 2012
senior60's grandson

zero net worth dahil walang asset (asawa) at seguradong hindi magkaka-liability (mistress), as simple as that. hmp!

2 02 2012
eddibumangon

senior, kaya nga zero, walang asset, walang liability. gaano kaya katagal tatagal na maging balbas si grace?

4 02 2012
senior60

grandson, sinong father mo, si junior30? at anong

pangalan mo, jun h?

4 02 2012
senior60

why balbas eddi?

4 02 2012
senior60

i still maintain na, binata si noynoy kaya, no worth

na lang kung ipagpilitan ninyo

5 02 2012
eddibumangon

balbas…beard… in short macho si pnoy dahil may balbas.

tama ba, etchos? :-)

9 02 2012
etchosera

ayyyy! bakit nasali naman ako dito?

1 02 2012
orman

Tanging Ikaw lang ang makagagawa ng ganito ka-Beautiful Thing na post. Kada basa ko ng mga gawa mo eh napapa-Mona Lisa Smile ako! Tuloy mo lang, Idol!

2 02 2012
eddibumangon

Beautiful Thing man kung walang Shelter, Brokeback Mountain sa Dante’s Cove pa rin ang kalalabasan ni pnoy.

1 02 2012
onat725

sen santiago – ” but i hope to get better and attend the trial soon”
prosecution team – “aw, f&^#@##g sh#t!”
defense team – “clap, clap, clap”
enrile – “here comes the scene stealer”
tupas – “must think to make her bp shoot up again.”
estrada – “omg, my exposure will be limited”
mental cretins – “come on baby, make our day”
lapid – “why, was she absent?”

1 02 2012
Journeys and Travels

Dami ko tawa sa post na to. hehehe. I had never been a PNoy fan. this government is going nowhere

1 02 2012
sadakups

Llamas will get out of it. For sure.

1 02 2012
Loradelle Manalo (@dell_manalo)

“Who’s that girl” — is that new staff of Sen. Loren =)

1 02 2012
pilarpilapis

Who’s that girl– her name is Atty. Macel Jimenez. Student din iyan ni Esguerra dati! Maraming magaganda sa UP Law. :-)

1 02 2012
professionalheckler

Thank you your honor!

2 02 2012
senior60

parang nag ojt lang

1 02 2012
HildaK

PH, pinanood mo ba ang Hanggang Dito Na Lamang At Maraming Salamat ni Orlando Nadres? Naku, parang may ibinabadya. Type pa naman kita kahit na vertically challenged ka.

2 02 2012
senior60

what’s vertically challenged ba

2 02 2012
onat725

senior vertically challenged is mababa siguro, yung horizontally challenged naman maigsi hehehe.

pero si ph walang dapat i-challenge dahil he’s one of the best in the blog world. keep up the good work mr ph.

2 02 2012
eddibumangon

naguumpisa na kagaya ng pan…ot :-)

4 02 2012
senior60

onat, alin/ano ang maigsi/mababa?

10 02 2012
onat725

senior, ang mababa, height yun po. ang maigsi, pisot yun.

1 02 2012
Brixter

Panalo yung singature niya ha. May armalite pa talaga. hahaha

1 02 2012
Lulu

Yun katabi ng pretty girl na yan , ang lagi naman nyang katabi na lalaki ay kamuka ni WENN DERAMAS haha! :P

1 02 2012
Anonymous

galing mo talaga PH! :-)

1 02 2012
Anonymous

in love!

1 02 2012
Jan

Pretty that girl. Was she the one who caught one congressman prosecutor’s eye?

1 02 2012
Dakin Jidzters (@jishcand)

Ang galing TPH!!! Naipagsama mo ang mga films. Pants down..ay mali hands down pala!
I love this. Ma-share nga sa group ko.

Thanks a lot!!!

1 02 2012
vet lac

girl’s name is _____ jimenez. up econ 2006, up law 2010. she was with Esguera and Blanco Law Offices before she became Loren’s legal staff. His bf is toff rada, up law 2009. bang!

1 02 2012
professionalheckler

thank you for the information your honor.

2 02 2012
Aristotle

pwede pa yan… bf pa lang naman…

pati mas magaling ka don… dami mo na kayang awards…

go PH!!!

2 02 2012
senior60

papaano na yan mister heckler, taken na pala

2 02 2012
Wilma Santos

Her bf . . . . ayan umandar na naman pagka-teacher ko!

1 02 2012
vet lac

*Her

2 02 2012
Wilma Santos

Sorry, may correction na pala.

1 02 2012
Cheng

Who’s that girl – up law class 2010

1 02 2012
libertas

korea – ‘they shoot horses, don’t they’
no, they eat dogs.

1 02 2012
libertas

grace lee – p-noy’s future ex-girlfriend.
woof, woof – ‘ who let the dogs out’
avoid the boshintang.

2 02 2012
senior60

why avoid

3 02 2012
libertas

boshintang is a korean dish – dog stew/soup.

dogs are not just for christmas – they are delicious any time!

4 02 2012
senior60

so, why avoid?

2 02 2012
junior30

Is Grace Lee the daughter of Delfin Lee of Globe Asiatique?

2 02 2012
junior30

Hindi pala, Divine Lee pala yun. Sorry, my bad.

1 02 2012
professionalstalker

darn you are so brilliant. buti nalang ay nakatuklas ako ng blog na patok sakin—-nakakaaliw, may laman, ibang lebel,

i wish i can have some of your creative juices. amazing.
paworkshop ka naman, sasali ako. hehe .

nakakatuwa ka. minsan lang ako matuwa at mataas standards ko hehe. astig astig :) God bless palagi

2 02 2012
senior60

mister heckler, may babatiin lang ako, pwede? maiksi lang,
thank you

kawaykaway wilyam, kagagaling ko lang doon

2 02 2012
MPRivera

missed everybody here especially itong apo namen.

ikaw ga’y kailan uli uuwi sa aten?

2 05 2012
Must see in Tacloban | An Ciudad han Tacloban

[...] alleys to get the best pirated copies of movies. I think presidential adviser for political affairs Ronald Llamas would be safe to buy pirated stuff here because no one may recognize [...]

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