TREMORS

… FOR DROPPING BY MY BLOG. To everyone who retweeted and shared “KC CONCEPCION: Unedited,” maraming salamat. The number of unique hits for that article was just insane. It shattered my blog’s personal record and eclipsed the popularity of these three posts:
1: Exclusive: Noynoy Interviews Kris;
2:Krissy/Manny (Kris Interviews Pacquiao), and
3: Exclusive: GMA Breaks Her Silence

Again, thank you so much and Merry Christmas!

IT’S ALREADY December – probably, the coldest month of the year. The only thing colder is Piolo Pascual’s treatment of KC Concepcion.

Third Party
ABSCBN News (or its marketing think tanks) reported that Maricar Reyes could be the third party in the recent breakup of KC Concepcion and Piolo Pascual. KC was quick to deny the report and insisted that she and Maricar were just friends.

Now it can be told: KC Concepcion decided to call it quits with Piolo Pascual because the actor refused to support her latest advocacy: “Occupy KC.”

Republican Party
An Atlanta woman named Ginger White claims she had a 13-year extra-marital affair with Herman Cain, a Republican presidential candidate – or as Filipino voters would say, “sure winner.”

Herman Cain’s numbers are down. He now considers withdrawing from the presidential race and giving way to his good friend, Noynoy Gingrich.

Ginger White’s phone bill showed that Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain called and texted her 61 times. But Cain is convinced that the copy of the phone bill is bogus because it was printed on a letterhead of the Ateneo de Manila University and had the signature of Fr. Tito Caluag.

Reduced Rates
Text messaging rates are down. Reports say Smart, Sun, and Globe have decided to lower the rate of SMS from 1 peso to 80 centavos per text. This is definitely good news for all of us and for Herman Cain if he were Filipino.

Quake!
A magnitude-6 earthquake shook Luzon early Wednesday. Justice Secretary De Lima is now verifying a text message saying Gloria Arroyo was behind the tremor.

An earthquake with a magnitude of 6 shook Manila Wednesday morning. Motorists and traffic enforcers say they witnessed a miracle… Edsa moved!

Luzon was hit by an earthquake earlier today. Some people didn’t even notice the tremor but Hayden Kho Jr. says he’s 100% sure there had been one because he saw Vicky Belo’s face moved.

Best/Worst
A recent global survey showed that Vienna is the nicest place to live in the world… followed closely by the St. Luke’s Presidential Suite in Taguig City.

A global survey revealed that Vienna in Austria is the nicest place to live in the world. The worst is Baghdad although to be in Piolo Pascual’s place right now is also a challenge.

Mother at 11
An 11-year-old girl from Capiz gave birth to a baby boy at a hospital in Iloilo province. No additional details were given but young actor Albie Casiño has reportedly denied paternity.
——————————————————————————————————-
“There are persons who, when they cease to shock us, cease to interest us.”
~Francis Bradley

Coming Soon: Lacierda vs. Archbishop Cruz?
“I would suggest to Bishop Cruz to be more prudent in his statement. He should read his Bible more often rather than…”
~Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda reacting to retired Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz’ statement that the Mendiola and Hacienda Luisita massacres should be reinvestigated

Quotes of the Day
“The reason I am continuing with the protest is I want to give honor and acknowledgment. Gusto kong pahalagahan lahat ng mga mahigit 14 million na mga tao na bumoto sa akin. Kinikilala ko ito, nagpapasalamat ako at hindi ko ito malilimutan. This is also my inspiration. That is what makes me set that disappointment aside and continue.”
~DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas on his electoral protest vs. Vice President Jejomar Binay

“This coupling goes farther than the kilig of romance: This love affair involved investments. When will the charades end … or is this part of an even much larger machinery oiling its wheels?”
~Director Joey Reyes on the KC-Piolo breakup

Personal
Thank you to the 2011 Philippine Blog Awards for the nomination. Bahala na si Batman.
Congratulations to the finalists!

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

KC CONCEPCION: UNEDITED

OVER THE LAST THREE WEEKS, we have been bombarded with news about the Arroyos, the De Limas, the Aquinos, the Topacios and the Revillas/Bautistas. On Sunday, ABS-CBN gave us a breather of sorts. Everyone is now talking about the interrupted romance between Star Magic talents KC Concepcion and Piolo Pascual.

However, the network didn’t allow the public to see the full interview. The show had to edit out statements to protect some personalities. An anonymous source sent us the deleted portions of the tell-all conversation. Indulge!

Boy Abunda (BA): Kristina, napanood mo ba ‘yong viral video ni Atty. Midas Marquez?
KC Concepcion: Tito Boy, I’ve seen worse! Believe me. Hindi lang pilantik ng mga daliri. Hindi lang taas ng kilay. But I don’t wanna go into detail. ‘Di ba may instruction sa atin sina Ma’am Charo at Tita Cory Vidanes na ‘wag pag-uusapan ang gender ni PJ? Sundin natin ‘yon.

BA: Atty. Ferdie Topacio is in the news these days. Ano ang masasabi mo sa kanya?
KC: At least siya Tito Boy, may itlog. Handa niyang itaya ‘yon alang-alang sa taong minamahal niya. Pero ‘yong taong minahal ko, never kong nadama kung may itlog siya. Never niya akong binigyan ng pagkakataon Tito Boy.

BA: Your dad used to support former President Arroyo. I’m sure, you’ve seen her in the news. May reaksyon ka ba sa nangyayari sa dating pangulo?
KC: ‘Yon ang masakit Tito Boy (weeps), ang dating pangulo kasi, malinaw ang kalaban, si Secretary De Lima – babae. Pero ang kalaban ko, lalaki! Ano namang laban ko sa isang lalaki Tito Boy?! Ang sakit eh.

BA: Bukas, November 28, one month na mula nang patayin si Ram Revilla. Your thoughts on the issue…
KC: Tito Boy, Ram is still lucky. Nakakulong ang mga suspek na sumaksak sa kanya. Pero ako? Daig ko pa ang sinaksak nang ilang beses sa puso pero ‘yong suspek, nakakalaya pa rin until now.

BA: Kristina, naglabas recently ng ruling ang Korte Suprema on Hacienda Luisita. Ipapamahagi na raw ang ekta-ektaryang lupain sa maliliit na magsasaka. May mensahe ka ba sa mga farmers?
KC: I am genuinely happy for them Tito Boy. At hanga talaga ako sa mga magsasaka dahil marunong at magaling silang umararo. Pero ‘yong taong minahal ko, hindi eh. Ang sakit Tito Boy. Hindi ko na kaya. (weeps)

BA: Mainit pa ring pinag-uusapan ang RH Bill sa Kongreso. Let’s talk about contraceptives, condoms, in particular. Anong stand mo?
KC: Tito Boy, I can’t relate. Never kaming umabot sa level na pinag-usapan ang protection. Sorry.

BA: I’m sure narinig mo na ang balita. Bohol Representative Rene Relampagos wanted to rename Edsa and call it Cory Aquino Avenue. Pabor ka ba?
KC: Ang hirap magsalita Tito Boy. Pero ito lang ang masasabi ko, nakaka-relate ako sa Edsa Tito Boy. Kasi kapag magkasama kami ni PJ sa kuwarto, dinadaan-daanan lang niya ako.

BA: Bago tayo maghiwalay, gusto kong mapasaya ka kahit papaano. Let’s play Pinoy Henyo. I will ask Yes, No, or Pwede questions. Ikaw na ang mag-isip ng Henyo word.
KC: Sige Tito Boy. Meron na. (Shows the word to the televiewers: PIOLO)

BA: Tao ba ‘to?
KC: Yes

BA: Babae?
KC: Pwede!

BA: Lalaki?
KC: Puwede!

BA: Alam ko na! Lesbian!?
KC: Pwede!

BA: Bakit gano’n? Lahat pwede!? Hmmm… gay?
KC: Ahm, may memo si Ma’am Charo. Ayokong sagutin.

BA: Ang daya naman. Napapanood or lumabas before sa ABS-CBN?
KC: Yes.
BA: Rustom Padilla sa PBB!
KC: Pwede!

BA: Ang hirap naman. Teka, nagkaroon ba siya ng relasyon sa babae pero kinuwestyon ng publiko?
KC: Oo!
BA: A-ha! Eric Santos! O, naging sila ni Rufa Mae Quinto huh!
KC: Hindi!

BA: Hindi si Eric? Meron pa ba? Wait! Si Kuya Germs!
KC: Hindiiiiii! Hahaha

BA: May anak ba siya?
KC: Oo!

BA: A-ha! Marvin Agustin!
KC: Hindi!

BA: May parating na soap opera?
KC: Oo!

BA: Pinayagan kang magpa-interview para magamit sa promo ng darating niyang soap opera?
KC: Tumpak!

BA: Jericho Rosales?
KC: Hindi!

BA: Ang hirap naman. Sirit na nga!
KC: Hay naku Tito Boy, OA ka. Ini-etchos mo lang ako.

BA: Of course I know it’s Piolo. Pinapangiti lang kita Kristina. Nanonood si Piolo ngayon, anong gusto mong sabihin?
KC: Mark my word PJ, mark my word… lalabas din ang totoo!

BA: Nanonood si MB ngayon, may mensahe ka ba?
KC: Tito Boy, nasa memo ‘yan. Bawal banggitin ang pangalang ‘yan. No comment ako.

BA: One final question Kristina. Ito ang tanong ng sambayanan at gusto nilang marinig mula sa ‘yo ang kasagutan: Bakla ba siya?
KC: Napakabait niyang tao Tito Boy.

BA: Inuulit ko, bakla ba siya?
KC: Sobrang lambing niya Tito Boy.

BA: Kristina, maraming salamat sa pagtitiwala sa ‘The Buzz.’
KC: Thank you Tito Boy.

BA: Mga kaibigan… bukas po ang aming programa sa panig ni Piolo Pascual. Ang sa akin lang, huwag sana tayong humusga kaagad. Sa lahat ng usapin, marapat po lamang na pakinggan natin ang dalawang panig. Sa isyu naman ng homosekswalidad, gusto kong ibahagi ang sinabi ng American actor and playwright na si Harvey Fierstein. He said, “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” Magbabalik po ang ‘The Buzz!’

[Alvin Elchico: Sa ulo ng mga nagbabagang balita... ]

Overheard: Sinungaling si Tito Boy. Hindi na bumalik ang ‘The Buzz.’

Say Something!
Isang suhestyon sa kadalasan ay magulong TV Patrol Poll:
Anong basic na pangangailangan ni KC Concepcion ang hindi maibigay ni Piolo Pascual? A: Oo B: Hindi. #angLabo!
To vote, type TVP A or B and send to 2222 for all networks except for GMA7 and TV5.
——————————————————————————————–
“People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go.”
- Anonymous

Quote of the Weak
“May mga hinahanap ako na basic lang na hahanapin ng isang babae sa isang boyfriend, sa isang lalaki. Pero, masakit man sabihin, hindi ako yung, siguro nag-fail din ako dahil hindi ako yung kailangan niya sa buhay niya. Or hindi ako yung hinahanap niya sa buhay niya. And hindi, hindi ko mabigay sa kanya yung kailangan niya.”
- KC Concepcion on Piolo Pascual

Merry Christmas everyone! Let’s go Lakers!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

ITLOG KA BA?

“We respect the Supreme Court, we survived even when they took everything from us, including our Dad’s life- & we will survive even this.”
~TV host Kris Aquino reacting to the Supreme Court’s recent ruling ordering the distribution of Hacienda Luisita land to the farmers

Heckler: Si Mara ka ba ng ‘Mara Clara?’
Kris Aquino: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, api-apihan ang drama mo.

“My order to the Bureau of Immigration is to respect the watch list order. We have the right to exhaust remedies against the TRO.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

Heckler: Kapatid ka ba ng Presidente?
Secretary De Lima: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, Ballsy ka.

“We will be monitoring her, and hopefully she will be able to regain her appetite until we are confident enough in saying that we can remove the IV fluid already.”
~ Dr. Juliet Gopez-Cervantes, CGMA’s attending physician

Heckler: Si Lolong ka ba?
CGMA: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, ayaw mo raw kumain.

“I think the decision of Pasay RTC will allow Atty. Topacio to save his family jewels.”
~Atty. Edwin Lacierda

Heckler: Prostitute ka ba?
Atty. Edwin Lacierda: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi kahit sino pinapatulan mo.

“Ba’t ba concerned na concerned si Secretary Lacierda sa aking itlog? Sabagay okay naman ‘yon. Siyempre kung ang isang tao na lalake ay concerned sa’yong itlog, s’yempre matutuwa ka naman d’on. Nagke-care.”
~ Atty. Ferdie Topacio

Heckler: Itlog ka ba?
Atty. Ferdie Topacio: Bakit?
Heckler: Ang sarap mong pitikin eh!

“My arrest triggered Edsa 3, whose number was more than those of Edsa 1 and 2 combined.”
~Former President Joseph Estrada

Heckler: Magician ka ba?
Erap: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, ang hilig mo sa illusion.

“One cannot think of the 1986 EDSA Revolution without thinking of Corazon Aquino.”
~Bohol Rep. Rene Relampagos defending his proposed ‘Cory Aquino Avenue’

Heckler: Tambay ka ba?
Cong. Relampagos: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, parang wala kang ibang magawa.

“Tapos po nun sigaw ako nang sigaw; ‘tapos naisip ko baka wala na dun yung killer. Basta alam ko sigaw lang ako nang sigaw. Tapos… Shit nawala na ko, kasi nawala, ‘di ba dapat tatawagan ko si Gail?”
~Maria Ramona Belen “Mara” Bautista-Bülbüloğlu narrating her version of what happened the night her brother Ram Revilla was murdered

Heckler: NAIA ka ba?
Ramona: Bakit?
Heckler: Most hated ka eh.

“No matter what is written or what you hear, it’s my loyalty that is priceless.”
~Sharon Cuneta talking about her recent transfer to TV5

Heckler: Meralco ka ba?
Sharon: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, ang hilig mong mag-switch.

“When itweet nonsense take itcas itsis Last night did math simulations so makita ng coop paano namin ni assunta saluin buong utang bulok yun?”
~Cong. Jules Ledesma

Heckler: Ilog Pasig ka ba?
Jules: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, ang labo mo!
————————————————————————————
“Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.”
~Will Rogers

iGuess 1:
Popular Personality (PP) was detained somewhere in North America recently after causing a ruckus outside a bar. PP was reportedly drunk and was with his significant other when it all happened. Merry Christmas!

iGuess 2:
Popular College Hoopster (PCP) is one naughty boy. Probably inspired by videographer Hayden Kho Jr, PCP is keeping a video of himself doing it with a fling. The whole team had seen the sleazy video. “Proud pa siya sa ginawa niya,” one teammate said. Lagot ka kay Father!

Have a great week ahead!

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QUIZ: How Tweet It Is

YOU ARE what you tweet. Identify the newsmakers, political figures & government officials who tweeted these. Use of Google is discouraged. Be honest.  Note: These are their unedited tweets.

1: Walaaang Tulugan! Hindi taga-That’s, hindi taga-Siyete, inaabot ng hatinggabi sa harap ng TV! Who tweeted this:
“Is that Lirio Vital in the Master Showman? Wow! She didn’t seem to age!”
A: DSWD Sec. Dinky Soliman
B: Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda
C: San Juan Rep. JV Ejercito
D: Deputy presidential spokesperson Abi Valte

2: TUI: Tweeting Under the Influence. Inaantok kaya? Probably. Baka naman lasing? Malamang. Kaya mga tweets niya’y sadyang nakakawindang! Who tweeted this:
“Breaking-in a motor is the single most critical task. Do it proper your motor is bulletproof -do it soso- nyeh soso_ do it bad-sorry nalang”
A: Cong. Jules Ledesma
B: John Lloyd Cruz
C: Exec. Sec. Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa
D: Cong. Rudy Fariñas

3: The Fan. Bugtong: Dumating si Pacman, nabulabog ang kabahayan. Who tweeted this:
“Welcome back Pacman!! Magpapa-autograph ako mamaya sa session haha”
A: Cong. Teddy Casiño
B: Cong. Lani Mercado-Revilla
C: Cong. Sonny Angara
D: Cong. Lucy Torres-Gomez

4: Cheesy! ‘Di ko alam kung may lovelife; ‘di ko sure kung s’ya’y inlove. Pero mukha nga siyang inspired sa pagtupad ng kanyang job. Who tweeted these:
“awaiting my love with unabated anticipation #sixwords”
“i dream better lying beside you #sixwords”
A: Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang
B: LLDA Chairman Nereus Acosta
C: Former Akbayan Rep. Rissa Hontiveros
D: Government peace panel chairman Marvic Leonen

5: Old MacDonald had a farm Ee i ee i oh. Kung hindi mo siya kilala, ‘di mo iisiping kongresista dahil ang Twitter profile niya, profile ng magsasaka!
“I have 3 kids, 30 native chickens 10 goats and 25 piglets I try to grow organically.”
A: Cavite Rep. Jesus Crispin Remulla
B: Cebu Rep. Pablo John Garcia
C: Quezon Rep. Lorenzo ‘Erin’ Tañada III
D: Alagad Party-List RodanteMarcoleta

6: Angry Bird. Matapos akusahang namumulitika, nainis sa follower, hayun at bumuwelta. Who tweeted this:
“Hindi ako tatakbo sa 2013 kasi term limited ako. Fyi. At mula’s (sic) sapul hindi ako likas na maingay na tao.”
A: Sen. Chiz Escudero
B: Sen. Bongbong Marcos
C: Sen. Serge Osmeña
D: Sen. Kiko Pangilinan

7. Tipid Sulit. Ewan ko ba kung tinatamad o kung sila’y nagtitipid. Pero ‘yong palitan nila ng tweets, walang kakilig-kilig. Whose Twitter exchange was this:
Guy: “Hi! ”
Girl: “got your tweet. goodnight. ”
A: Cong. Roman Romulo and Councilor Shalani Soledad
B: KC Concepcion and Piolo Pascual
C: Sen. TG Guingona and wife Atty. Maria Victoria Garcia Guingona
D: Kris Aquino and Diether Ocampo

8: Walang Magawa. Pati ba naman Edsa, gustong palitan ang pangalan? Eh kung ‘yun kayang Kamara, gawin nating “Crocodile Farm” papayag kaya itong kontrobersyal na congressman? Who tweeted this:
“I’m good with calling it EDSA thanks. ”
A: Cory’s grandson Miguel Abellada
B: Cory’s nephew Bam Aquino
C: Cory’s grandson Jonty Cruz
D: Kris Aquino

9: Ay, ambot! Ilang ulit ko mang basahin, hindi ko maunawaaan. Tweet ba ‘to ng artista, o tweet ng congressman? Ewan! Who tweeted this:
“Later patience batman issulent mode the meighbots… Jeeze atat masyado michi”
A: KC Montero
B: Jules Ledesma
C: Annabelle Rama
D: Baron Geisler

10. Confeeeermed? Nang pumilantik ang mga daliri at kumampay ang kamay, nagtaasan ang mga kilay, video ay naging viral. Who tweeted this:
“Atty. Midas Marquez was my gymmate before in Rockwell. He is better looking with short hair than the ponytail style.”
A: Tim Yap
B: Agot Isidro
C: Bubbles Paraiso
D: Butch Francisco
————————————————————————————-
“The qualities that make Twitter seem inane and half-baked are what make it so powerful”
~ Jonathan Zittrain, Harvard law professor and Internet expert

It’s less than a month before Christmas! Uh-oh.
Happy weekend!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Check out the answers here.

MIDAS, MEGA, MUGSHOTS

THE PAST 10 DAYS have been action-packed and full of surprises. I guess Atty. Midas Marquez will agree.

Everyone’s talking about Atty. Midas Marquez and his awkward gulat moment seen live on TV. This morning, the Supreme Court voted 12-3 to stop the spread of the video. President Aquino’s three appointees dissented saying the public has the right to know the “truth.”

Mugshots
The purported mugshots of former President Arroyo have leaked to the press. And Asian Hospital doctors were like, “Don’t look at us!”

DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo says the Arroyo mugshots that came out in the Philippine Daily Inquirer Tuesday were fake. But the police insist they’re real. The truth? More than a year after the Luneta bus hostage crisis, Robredo still doesn’t have control over the police.

Erap and Edsa
According to Joseph Estrada, his arrest “triggered Edsa 3, whose number was more than those of Edsa 1 and 2 combined.” There goes another Erap joke!

Mandela
Nobel laureate Nelson Mandela once said, “In my country, we go to prison first and then become President.” In the Philippines, it’s the opposite.

Anti-Discrimination Bill
The Senate has approved the Anti-Discrimination Act of 2011. The proposed measure seeks to prohibit and penalize racial discrimination in the delivery of goods and services, media, workplace, educational institutions, and the Office of the Vice President.

NBI Anniversary
The National Bureau of Investigation just turned 75. Or as Senator Loren Legarda would say, “Puwede na!”

SEA Games
Philippine Sports officials predicted a 70 gold medal haul for Pinoy athletes in the 26th Southeast Asian Games in Indonesia. On Tuesday, the athletes went home with only 36 gold medals and finished a humiliating sixth place overall. President Aquino blamed the debacle on Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

Goodbye EDSA?
A congressman from Bohol has filed a bill seeking to rename EDSA and call it Cory Aquino Avenue. Geez. What’s next? Bimby Boulevard? ‘Daang Matuwid’ Expressway? Enough.

How about Sipsip Street?

Negative
The good news: both Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez who fought last November 12 were tested negative for any banned substance. The bad news: the judges were.

Breaking Dawn
The biggest box-office draw this week is ‘Breaking Dawn,’ the latest installment of ‘The Twilight Saga.’ The Twilight series tells about the story of vampires and werewolves – or as we collectively call them here in the Philippines, ‘Congress.’

Mega Moves
Sharon Cuneta has switched networks. Again.

Former ABS-CBN talent Sharon Cuneta has signed up with TV5. Interviewed after the contract signing, the Megastar said, “You cannot question my loyalty.” Tell that to Globe.

I heard it was a mega-buck deal. After all, isa siyang malaking artista.

Paternity Test
A 20-year-old student has dropped her paternity lawsuit against Justin Bieber. It turned out that the baby’s real father was Manny Pacquiao.
————————————————————————————————-
“It’s all ’bout the money
it’s all ’bout the dum dum duh dee dum dum
I don’t think its funny… “
~Meja

Quote of the Day
“Nitong mga huling araw, naglipana na naman po ang mga walang katuturang patutsada at mga kuwentong barbero laban sa atin. Masyado daw tayong agresibo sa paghabol sa mga tiwali’t nagkasala. Ang sagot ko sa kanila: kung gaano sila ka-agresibo sa pagkakamal ng salapi ng taumbayan noon, magiging triple ang pagharurot natin para panagutin sila ngayon.”
~President Aquino

Elsewhere
TIME: Dynastic Duel: It’s Arroyo vs. Aquino in the Philippines’ Latest Political Battle

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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SHE WILL SURVIVE II

ALMOST EXACTLY a year ago, I parodied a Gloria Gaynor song when then outgoing President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo filed her certificate of candidacy for representative of Pampanga. Here’s Version 2 of that blog post.

For accompaniment, right click here before you start reading (or singing). Enjoy!

Congresswoman GMA:
First I was afraid
Now, I’m petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without SC by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking I did nothing wrong
I think I’m strong
I know I can carry on

With painful back
and lack of space
I did feel bad to see you there
with all that joy upon your face
My lawyer’s one stupid lot
I should have fired, oh that’s easy
If I had known for just one second
he would bet his balls for me!

The People:
Go on now go walk out the door
just disappear now
you don’t have power anymore
weren’t you the one who cheated for Team Unity
you’re in big trouble
you think we’ll just let you flee?

Congresswoman GMA:
Oh no, not I
I will survive
oh as long as Titong’s there for me
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my cash to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive
Hey hey

It took all the clout I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to fight
PNoy, De Lima, and Mupas
and I spent oh so many nights
praying hard just for myself
I’ll never cry
I will hold my head up high

Soon you’ll see me
somebody new
Won’t be that neck-braced little person
looking frail in front of you
and so I fight that goddamn panel
And just expect me to be free
‘coz my lawyers have been saying
the High Court’s gonna favor me

The People:
Go on now go walk out the door
just disappear now
’cause you’re not feared here anymore
weren’t you the one who called and said “Hello Garci!”
you then said sorry
but that lacked sincerity!

Congresswoman GMA:
Oh no, not I
I will survive
oh as long as I have friend Rene
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my wealth to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive
Oh…
——————————————————————————————————
“Power tends to isolate those who hold too much of it. Eventually, they lose touch with reality and fall.”
~Frank Herbert

Warning: This is not Congresswoman Arroyo’s mug shot.

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang pagbigyan ng media ang hiling ng kampo ni dating Pangulong Arroyo na huwag isapubliko ang mga mug shots nito?
-Yes. Konting respeto naman. Konti lang. 31.96%
-NO! Dapat, walang kinikilingan. Walang pinuprotektahan. Ilabas ‘yan! 62.89%
-Pag-iisipan ko muna. 5.15%

Have a productive and safe week!

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FINAL DESTINATION

Breaking News: Scientists at the Italian Institute for Nuclear Physics confirm there’s such a thing faster than the speed of light. It’s Judge Jesus Mupas of Pasay City RTC Branch 112.

Reviled by probably, a majority of her countrymen for her alleged sins against them, former Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was served an arrest warrant Friday… alive. Take that Libyans!

A warrant of arrest was issued by the Pasay City RTC even before the Arroyos could get to NAIA for their 5PM flight Friday. If it’s any consolation, that saved them time, effort, and their lawyer’s testicle.

When Mrs. Arroyo’s lawyers heard that a warrant of arrest was to be served Friday evening, they reportedly told the former president, “Brace yourself.”

Apparently, Judge Mupas found probable cause against Mrs. Arroyo based on the statements given by the likes of Lintang Bedol, former Ampatuan Sr’s aide Norie Unas, and Zaldy Ampatuan – or as defense lawyers would say, “Acquittal.”

It’s one humiliation after another for Mrs. Arroyo. First, she was barred from leaving by Immigration people. Second, she was ordered arrested. And for almost a week now, her infamy has been eclipsed by her lawyer’s balls.

At press time, Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is under hospital arrest. At least four guards have been stationed at the St. Luke’s Correctional Facility.

Ahh, life. One day you’re the most powerful person in the country, the next day some Foto-Me employee is taking your mug shot.

On Friday, Cong. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was booked for a flight to Singapore. The next day, she was ‘booked’ for a trip to the Southern Police District detention cell.

On Saturday afternoon, Mrs. Arroyo underwent booking procedures. Her mug shots were taken and she was fingerprinted. Expecting the worst, she allegedly phoned a friend and asked, “Will I be visited by 1 million?”

Lawyer Ferdinand Topacio appealed to the media to not release the former president’s mug shots. The police will ask the court to decide on the request… while ABS-CBN News will ask the public to decide via Monday’s TV Patrol poll.

Mrs. Arroyo has been placed under hospital arrest. President Aquino can’t wait for the trial, the verdict, and his next SWS performance rating.

Senior Supt. Joel Coronel of the CIDG says security is kept at a minimum since Mrs. Arroyo is not a flight risk or suicidal. In totally unrelated news, security has been beefed up outside the residence of Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

Experts say if proven guilty, Mrs. Arroyo could face up to 40 years in prison. In Hollywood, that’s 203 Kim Kardashian marriages.

A day after the Comelec en banc voted to file electoral sabotage charges against him, former Comelec chairman Benjamin Abalos was rushed to an unidentified hospital. When he heard about the Comelec’s decision, his blood pressure allegedly shot up to 180 over his dead body he won’t just surrender without a fight.
—————————————————————————————
“There is a higher court than courts of justice and that is the court of conscience. It supercedes all other courts.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

Quote of the Day
“Isusumbong po namin sa Korte Suprema ang ginawa sa amin. Hihingi kami uli ng TRO para ipa-suspend ang all legal effects ng [actions] ng joint DOJ-Comelec panel.”
~Lawyer Ferdinand Topacio, counsel for Mrs. Arroyo

Have a great weekend!

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FLIPTOP WAR: POLITICS EDITION

WHILE WE WAIT for further developments in the ongoing saga that is the Arroyos v Leila De Lima (v Korte Suprema), why don’t we cool things down a bit with this fliptop rap battle? Enjoy!

Match No. 1: Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Atty. Ferdie Topacio

Attorney Lacierda:
I heard na feeling mo raw ay isa kang winner
Matapos na mag-trend itlog mo sa Twitter
I won’t even dare or attempt to imagine
Maitim mong bola solong naglalambitin!
Eeew…

Attorney Topacio:
Kung maka-eeew ka naman, para kang bakla eh
Mas madaldal ka pa kesa kay Abi Valte
Katahimikan, katahimikan, kung ayaw mong mabugbog
Insecure ka siguro sa famous kong betlog!

Attorney Lacierda:
Outrageous! Distasteful! Para ka namang gutom
Seryosong usapan, sahugan ba ng scrotum?!?
Malinaw ang aming stand, ‘di kami papayag
Ma-cite man ng contempt; ‘paputol ka man ng bayag!

Attorney Topacio:
As I’ve said…
Ang “itlog quote” na ‘yon ay isang figure of speech
Huwag mo nang palakihin, you son of a bitch
Ang mahalaga’y wagi kami sa ruling ng hukuman
Masanay na lang kayo, talunang Malacañang!
Break it down.

Intermission:
What’s “itlog” mama? Meron ba ako no’n?
What did you say Bimby? Sa’n mo narinig ‘yon?
I heard it on TV mama! Is itlog masarap?
Stop it Bimby! And don’t watch TV when I’m not here!
Good night Mama.
Good night Bimby.

Match No. 2: Justice Sec. Leila De Lima vs. Mrs. Elena Bautista-Horn

Secretary De Lima:
Sinong mas powerful?? Sure akong alam mo na
Isang tawag ko nga lang, biyahe’y napurnada
Sumisikat ka na, tama na ‘yang papansin
Baka naman gusto mong tumakbo sa 2013?

Elena Bautista-Horn:
Look who’s talking…
‘Di ba’t ikaw ang gustong maging senadora?
Kakaupo mo pa nga lang, pumupostura ka na
Powerful?!? Teka lang, baka ’power tripping’
And lest you forget madam, you lost in the voting
It’s 8-5 darling!

Secretary De Lima:
Grabe ang loyalty mo, kakaiba ka nga Len
Wait lang dear, ‘yang suweldo mo, saan kaya galing?
And please, ‘wag mong ipagmalaki ang boto ng SC
I’m ready for more rumble, this war could get ugly!

Elena Bautista-Horn:
Nakakatawa…
Puro dakdak, puro banta, inaaliw n’yo ang tao
Wala pa ngang napa-file kahit isa man lang kaso
Don’t threaten us, or the SC of a looming brawl
Makulay ka lang magsalita, kasingkulay ng iyong shawl!
Break it down.

Intermission:
What’s ‘brawl’ mama? I heard it in the news today.
That’s bad Bimby. It’s when two people make away.
Oh, it’s like you and papa when you’re pasaway?
Gosh, who told you that?
Nobody mama. I saw you when you brawled before.
Whaaat? Not true! Good night na nga Bimby.
Good night mama.

Match No. 3: Mr. President vs. Self

Self:
Uy! And’yan ka pa pala, hindi ko maramdaman
Guerra na sa NAIA; ikaw, parang wala lang
Ano bang bago sa ‘tin, would you like to share
I’m just concerned dude; be thankful I still care.

Mr. President:
‘Di ko yata gusto ang iyong mga hirit
Para kang Supreme Court na nakakagalit
FYI: De Lima is my alter ego
Whatever I say, believe me, she’ll follow!

Self:
Wow, accomplishment! Papalakpak na ba ‘ko?
Eh ‘yong 10.4 milyong nagugutom na tao?

Mr. President:
Dinky’s in charge. ‘Wag kang mag-alala.
Nahahalata ko lang, antagonistic ka.

Self:
Nagsasabi lang nang totoo, antagonistic na agad ako?
‘Di ba pwedeng “honest” muna sa nakikita sa ‘yo?
Oh by the way, miss ko na ang mga chicks natin.
Wala pa bang bago? Masyado ka nang malihim.

Mr. President:
My priority is my job, ‘wag ka ngang makialam
Kung gusto mong ma-inlove, labas na ako d’yan!

Self:
Nagbibiro lang ako ‘tol; ba’t ba ang sungit mo?
‘La naman akong neck brace ah, and I’m not an Arroyo!

Mr. President:
Ang kulit mo kasi, para kang si Bimby!
I’ll deal with you na lang when I get back from Bali.

Self:
In fairness… buma-Bali na si Noynoy
Baka naman dala mo pa ang ‘yong favorite toy!

Mr. President:
Ulol! Tigilan mo na ‘yang PSP issue na ‘yan.
That is so history… panahon pa ng halalan.

Self:
Last question na lang bago ka tumalikod
Kapag si GMA bumalik, magpapaputol ka ba ng itlog?

Mr. President:
Ha-ha-ha! Talagang napatawa mo ako ngayon!
Bakit? Kamukha ko ba si Topacio na hawig kay Doraemon?

Self:
Kung makapanlait ka naman, feeling mo ikaw si Gerald Anderson
Alam mo kung sinong kamukha natin? Sino pa? Eh ‘di si Homer Simpson!

Mr. President:
Ulol!

Self:
Break it down.
———————————————————————————————————
“This is a court of law, young man, not a court of justice.”
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Quote of the Day
“Kaibigan ko si Secretary De Lima. But in her zeal to carry out instructions of her superior, I think she may have overstepped the bounds of our system. I feel grief stricken. I feel like slashing my wrist. I feel like slitting my throat. That is what we were taught in law school. We simply have to obey the law no matter how we feel about it. In our tripartite system of democracy, whatever the Supreme Court says prevails. Last night I wanted to commit suicide. You asked whether she is guilty of contempt, yes, absolutely.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

Enjoy the rest of the week. Peace and justice to all. Merry Christmas!

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TRAVEL TIME

UPDATED (As of 7AM, Wednesday) Despite the High Court’s decision allowing her to leave the country, former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was prevented by Immigration authorities to board her flight Tuesday night. Immigration officials said they were just following orders from Chief Justice Leila De Lima.

Quote of the Week
“’Ipapatanggal ko ang itlog ko kapag ‘di bumalik ang mga Arroyo.”
~Lawyer Ferdinand Topacio

Interviewed on ANC, lawyer Ferdinand Topacio said “’Ipapatanggal ko ang itlog ko kapag ‘di bumalik ang mga Arroyo.” This just in: Topacio’s balls have filed a petition for temporary protection order.

THE SUPREME COURT has voted to allow former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to leave the country and seek medical treatment abroad. The decision was met with loud boos from Malacañang people who thought their lawyers did enough to win.

Malacañang lost despite the fact that it dictated the tempo early on and was obviously the more aggressive fighter throughout the legal battle.

Arroyo won against Malacañang, 8 justices to 5. Sought for reaction, Mrs. Arroyo said, “I think I clearly won the fight.”

When Mario Lopez learned about the Hight Court’s decision, he opined, “Gloria Arroyo is Noynoy Aquino’s Joe Frazier.”

The Supreme Court has allowed former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to leave the country. When she heard the good news, Mrs. Arroyo instructed her aide to prepare her red scarf.

The Dominican Republic has issued a statement denying Justice Sec. Leila De Lima’s unverified report that former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo had sought asylum in the Carribean nation. De Lima has apologized to the Arroyos. But that, too is unverified.

Pacquiao for Prexy?
Interviewed on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight, Top Rank CEO and boxing promoter Bob Arum said he’d help Manny Pacquiao win the Philippine presidency when Pacman turns 40. Asked how, Arum replied he’d recommend to the Comelec the use of CompuBox to tally the votes.

On the eve of his fight with Juan Manuel Marquez, Manny Pacquiao and wife, Jinkee reportedly had a very nasty argument. Loyal fans refused to believe the report because it came from Secretary Leila De Lima.

Some people are saying Manny Pacquiao appeared distracted during his fight with Juan Manuel Marquez. And they’re blaming Jinkee’s hairstyle.

Interviewed by ABS-CBN News’ Dyan Castillejo, Manny Pacquiao apologized to the fans for not meeting their expectations. The report didn’t say if he had apologized to Jinkee for committing transgressions.

Filipinos are divided on the result of the Pacquiao-Marquez fight. They seem to agree on one thing though – Dyan Castillejo is the female Jake Joson.

Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao was not in her usual self last Sunday. It was revealed she was suffering from arteritis.

After watching Manny Pacquiao’s fight, former boxing champion Rolando Navarette, said “Wala siya sa kondisyon.” To which Manny said, “Look who’s talking!”

State Visit
On November 20, South Korean President Lee Myung-bak is visiting the Philippines. He’s excited to see half of his country’s population.

Ramona Update
Quoting Turkish authorities, the National Bureau of Investigation says Ramona Bautista is no longer in Turkey. So where is she now? In hell?

Deadly
Dr. Willy Ong, a Department of Health consultant said prolonged exposure to air pollution can shorten your life. In other news, experts say if you go swimming you’ll get wet.

“It’s over! Pls. reply.”
An online survey showed 40 percent of social media users were likely to break up with their significant other through Facebook, text message, or email. Others, like Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago do it through a bank teller.

Praybeyt Benjamin
ABS-CBN News reported that the comedy flick ‘Praybeyt Benjamin’ is now the highest-grossing local movie of all time.  I don’t know about you, or the others but I’ve seen the film and I am demanding a refund. Boo!

“Kumita lang nang malaki, maganda na? ‘Di ba pwedeng overhyped muna?”
—————————————————————————————————————
“The more laws and order are made prominent; the more thieves and robbers there will be.”
~Lao Tzu

Quote of the Day
“That’s the problem when you deal with media too much. I hope she learns her lessons. She should be more prudent this time. Kailangan may ammunition bago ka bumaril.”
~Sen. Panfilo Lacson on Justice Sec. Leila De Lima’s unverified asylum report

You Have Spoken
Para sa ‘yo, sino ang dapat nanalo?
- MANNY PACQUIAO 33.21%
- JUAN MANUEL MARQUEZ 35.38%
- DRAW 31.41%

Happy New Year!

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AND STILL…

THIS JUST IN: Mexicans believe that the Philippines missed its zero crime rate target today, November 13. They insist that Juan Manuel Marquez was robbed.

Manny Pacquiao scored a majority decision victory against Mexico’s Juan Manuel Marquez. The three judges scored the fight 114-114, 116-112, and 115-113. As expected, Mar Roxas demanded a recount.

The People’s Champ won against Juan Manuel Marquez in their battle for the WBO Welterweight title in Las Vegas. Pacman’s next assignment is much tougher – Jinkee Pacquiao.

Juan Manuel Marquez sustained minor bruises and cuts and is now being treated at a nearby hospital. President Aquino has offered to foot the bill.

Some experts find the results too controversial saying Juan Manuel Marquez should have been declared winner. Susan Roces accused the judges of stealing victory from Marquez’ not just once but twice.

President Aquino congratulated Manny Pacquiao for yet another victory. Rumors say the President himself saw the fight, and he thought Pacman won by a hairline.

Because of the controversial outcome of this epic trilogy, Sen. Lito Lapid is hoping to see a fourplogy.

Mexicans are furious. They insist that Marquez won the fight. To which Pacquiao said, “Eh ‘di magsumbong kayo sa lolo n’yong panot!”

By beating Marquez, the People’s Champ sustained his amazing winning streak. He’s been scoring wins for like, forever. In Makati, they have a term for that: Binay.

Manny Pacquiao edged Juan Manuel Marquez on a very tight decision. The only thing tighter was Jinkee’s face.

Even Vicki Belo who watched the fight at the MGM Grand Garden Arena appeared shocked by the decision. Either that, or it’s her natural look.

After his controversial win, Pacquiao will have to convince the fans that he deserved it even as he needs to convince Jinkee that he didn’t do “it.”

Everyone is now talking about the fight between Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez. Take that Genelyn Magsaysay and Bong Revilla!

A day before the controversial bout, Manny Pacquiao and wife Jinkee allegedly figured in a nasty fight inside their suite at the Mandalay Bay Resort Hotel and Casino. All three judges scored the fight 116-112 in favor of Jinkee.

YouTube discovery Maria Aragon sang the Philippine National Anthem while fellow Filipina, American Idol alumna Thia Megia performed “The Star Spangled Banner.” There was this brief commotion though when Anne Curtis suddenly appeared and insisted on singing another song.

After the singing of the national anthems of the Philippines, Mexico and the United States, the introduction of both fighters followed. I’m not really sure but I think I heard Michael Buffer said, “In the blue corner, from the nation with the world’s largest crocodile, the fifth most hated airport, and 1 of the 7 wonders of nature, Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao!”

In a pre-fight poll conducted by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, 74.3 percent predicted that Manny Pacquiao would win. The rest are still in shock.

Manny Pacquiao earned $22M from the fight. Juan Manuel Marquez earned our respect.

Breaking News: Lintang Bedol has reportedly sent feelers to the World Boxing Organization saying he wanted to testify against the three judges.
——————————————————————————–
“Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.”
~Wilma Rudolph

Quotes of the Week
“It’s very clear I won the fight.”
~Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao

“Marquez is your Joe Frazier.”
~Host Mario Lopez to Manny Pacquiao after the controversial fight

You Have Spoken
Sang-ayon ba kayo sa alok ni Pangulong Aquino na gobyerno ang gumastos sa biyahe ng foreign doctor na dadalhin sa bansa upang tumingin kay GMA?
-Oo naman. Humane na, sure pang ‘di matatakasan ang kaso. 8.68%
-Huh? Bakit?!? Sakit niya, gastos niya! 31.4%
-Kung gusto ng Pangulo, pera niya ang gastusin ‘wag pera ng bayan. 59.92%

Have a great week ahead! Congratulations Manny Pacquiao!

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BÜLBÜLOĞLU

THIS JUST IN: Facebook posts reveal Genelyn Magsaysay, Ramona Bautista’s mother, is taking antidepressants. Shocking tabloid news say she’s allegedly getting psychiatric treatment. And in even more shocking news, President Aquino has offered to shoulder her medical expenses.

Turkey was hit by a 5.7-magnitude earthquake killing at least five and trapping dozens in collapsed buildings. Seen running in apparent panic during the tremor was a woman in red scarf.

A news crew of ABS-CBN was able to locate the residence of Ramona Bautista in Turkey. Take that NBI/Interpol!

Ramona Bautista is married to a Turkish national identified in the papers as Engin Tuna Bülbüloğlu. Now we know why she insists on using her maiden name.

Engin Tuna Bülbüloğlu was quoted to have said that in Turkey, Ramona Bautista is untouchable. While in the Philippines, his name is unpronounceable.

Murder suspect Ramona Bautista has been married for three years to Engin Tuna Bülbüloğlu. That name just made “Yilmaz Bektas” sound common.

Maria Ramona Belen Bautista was a hot topic in Turkish newspapers. Take that Ruffa Gutierrez!

This just in: Latest reports say Ramona Bautista’s siblings had a premonition that something bad involving their sister was going to happen. A day before Ramgen was killed, the whole family played bowling and Ramona, a novice at the sport, scored a turkey.

Giant Asteroid
Last Tuesday, Asteroid 2005 YU 55 – a black asteroid as huge as an aircraft carrier just missed the Earth… but partly collided with Ramona Bautista’s jaw.

A global catastrophe was averted when an asteroid as huge as a football field missed planet Earth Tuesday. Asteroid 2005 YU 55 came close to destroying humanity but reversed its direction when it saw competition: Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and Ramona Bautista.

Ali Peek
At press time, the lone assailant who shot and injured basketball star Ali Peek has yet to be arrested. Unverified reports say the suspect has applied for asylum in the Dominican Republic.

Most Hated
CNN’s travel website has named the Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) as the fifth most hated airport in the world. As pageant fans would say, fourth-runner up. Sought for comment, NAIA officials said, “Nope, we’re not going to change our airport. Whoever loves our country must also love our airport.”

In an article titled “World’s 10 most hated airports,” CNN’s Jordane Rane dissed NAIA’s “unkempt conditions, soup kitchen-style lines that feed into more lines, and an overall sense of futility.” Wait, is that NAIA? Sounds more like the MRT.

Lolong
National Geographic representatives have confirmed that Lolong is now the world’s biggest saltwater crocodile in captivity. When told about the recognition, Lolong said, “Nakakain ba ‘yan?”

Lolong has been named by NatGeo representatives as the world’s biggest saltwater crocodile. Lolong’s very proud colleagues in Agusan Marsh have filed a resolution commending the feat.

Pacman vs. Marquez
Experts predict a Pacquiao victory over Marquez this Sunday. Some say the fight will be over by Round 2. Others believe it could last until Round 8. One thing’s for sure though, TV commercials will last by ‘round midnight.

At least 26 congressmen are watching Manny Pacquiao’s fight in the United States. In fact, the MGM Grand Garden Arena has reserved three rows for them. The seats were labeled, “Las Vegas Marsh.”

Kapamilya Christmas ID
On Thursday night, media giant ABS-CBN launched its 2011 Christmas Station ID. Conspicuously missing were Megastar Sharon Cuneta… and President Aquino.
————————————————————————————————–
“He who does not prevent a crime when he can, encourages it.”
~ Seneca

Quotes of the Weak
“Nothing will come out of this incident. Everything is merely made up of allegations. No one can touch us.”
~Engin Tuna Bulbuloglu, Ramona Bautista’s Turkish husband

“If he wants, the President can just come with us. Then, after [my wife’s medical procedure abroad], we can all return home.”
~Former First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo

Stay healthy! Happy weekend!

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WEAK

PRESIDENT AQUINO gave P5M to the MILF then gave P31M to the ABB. Now, he wants to shoulder GMA’s medical expenses. With an enemy like that, who needs friends?

Photos of the Weak
“From reformer to transformer.”
The images shown here were presented to the media Tuesday by Estelito Mendoza, legal counsel of former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (Thanks to TV5’s Jove Francisco for posting these on Facebook.)

THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE rejected former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s request for an allow departure order. “There is no compelling or immediate necessity to seek treatment abroad,” according to Dr. Leila De Lima much to the disappointment of Dr. Raul Lambino.

In her previous letters to the DOJ, the Pampanga representative said she was seeking medical treatment in Austria, Germany, Italy, Singapore, Spain, Switzerland and the United States. But it was later discovered that she’s just planning to join the upcoming season of “The Amazing Race.”

In an exclusive interview, former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo told Manila Standard Today’s Christine Herrera that she used to take 25 to 30 tablets of painkillers and vitamins everyday. Observers say that was alarming. What made it even more alarming was the unverified report that the drugs were prescribed by a certain Dr. Conrad Murray.

Manila Standard Today’s Christine Herrera outscooped everyone when she scored an exclusive interview with GMA. It was a casual and brief chat. The former president was in a jovial mood. There was this brief tense moment though when Mrs. Arroyo said, “Well, Clarice – have the lambs stopped screaming?”

Reports say former President Arroyo is in bad shape. The only other thing that’s in worse shape is our economy.

Some people have noticed that due to Mrs Arroyo’s worsening health condition, it looks as if the 64-year-old ex-president has aged by at least 20 years – or as Estelito Mendoza would call it, “presidential pardon.”

Aquino-Cojuangco Video
Have you seen the viral video detailing the alleged sins of the Aquino-Cojuangco family? The video is 15-minute long; with 14 minutes alone devoted to the sins of Kris Aquino.

Wanted: Ramona
The NBI has reportedly started its search for murder suspect Maria Ramona Belen Bautista overseas. It will be an easier task for the NBI to locate Ramona… mostly because she is a Bautista, not a Lacson.

Ali Peek Shot
PBA star Ali Peek has been shot. The suspect was last seen boarding a Cathay Pacific flight to Hong Kong and is believed to be en route to his wife’s home in Turkey.

Albert Henry “Ali” Peek of Talk ‘N Text has been shot. The US Embassy is seeking justice for its citizen!

Talk ‘N Text owner Manny V. Pangilinan is helping the police find the gunman. He is offering a reward of 500 thousand pesos for the capture of Ali Peek’s assailant prompting Genelyn Magsaysay to accuse him of using the shooting incident for publicity.

Milestones
Hours after Joe Frazier passed away, Regine Velasquez gave birth. It’s been a busy day for Sen. Tito Sotto who demands to see both death and birth certificates ASAP.

Survivor Philippines
GMA Network has launched Season 4 of Survivor Philippines: Celebrity Doubles Showdown. This promises to be the best season yet for the local version of Mark Burnett’s Survivor franchise. Despite Richard Gutierrez.
——————————————————————————————————
“In a disordered mind, as in a disordered body, soundness of health is impossible.”
~Cicero

Quotes of the Week
“How would you feel if you knew something was wrong with you but not knowing what it was? I know something is wrong with me.”
~Former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo

“Compassion and humanitarian grounds are a convenient excuse. But if we always concede to that, then we will not have a solid justice system.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

“I need the support of the saints in every locality around the world ,my children are innocent, pls pass !!!”
~Genelyn Magsaysay on Facebook

Elsewhere
Manila Standard Today: Arroyo: Not knowing what ails me is killing me

ABS-CBN News: Questions Ramona left unanswered

Merry Christmas! Have a safe day!

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GENELYN

GENELYN MAGSAYSAY broke her silence Sunday. She delivered a 12-minute SONA exclusively shown on GMA 7.

According to Genelyn, Bong Revilla is using the Ramgen murder case to boost his chances in the “2013 presidential elections” Since the presidential elections won’t happen until 2016, Malacañang is verifying intelligence reports that Genelyn is planning to lead an “Oust Aquino Movement” soon.

In a videotaped message, Genelyn Magsaysay addressed the public as, “Mga minamahal ko…” No, thanks!

She added, “Ano po ba ang laban ko sa isang malaking pulitiko.” To which Bong Revilla said, “Mas malaki ka!”

And then Genelyn lectured, “Nais ko pong ipaalala sa mga hindi nakakaintindi na may tatlong sangay ng gobyerno. Ito ang lehislatibo, hukuman, at ehekutibo. Lehislatibo, ang sangay ng gobyerno na gumagawa ng batas; hukuman na siyang nagpapatupad ng batas, at ehekutibo ang nagpapatakbo ng gobyerno at mga sangay nito. Ang mga desisyon at pagpapatakbo ng bawat isa sa mga tao ay dapat malaya sa isa’t isa. Sa madaling salita, walang pakialaman.” Move over Father Joaquin Bernas! There’s a new constitutionalist in town!

Earlier, Genelyn Magsaysay said, “Hindi ko pinalaki at tinuruan ang mga anak ko na magpatayan!” Oh! So were you taught to have an affair with a married man?

Confirmed! Ramona Bautista is already in Turkey. That’s fowl!

And there’s another videotape. This time, the copy was exclusively given to ABS-CBN by Ramona Bin Laden.

Before she left for Turkey, Ramona Bautista produced her own video shown exclusively on ABS-CBN. That explains her absence at Ramgen’s funeral last November 2. She was busy rehearsing her lines.

In the video, Ramona tried to narrate what happened on October 28, the night Ramgen was killed. Not so surprisingly, her story had more versions than the Bible.

Ram Revilla’s girlfriend Janelle Manahan who survived the shooting will undergo facial reconstruction. With Interpol hot on her trail, Ramona Bautista wants one too.

Fliptop Battle: Magsaysay vs. Revilla

Bong Revilla:
Ano bang problema mo? Heto nga’t tumutulong na!
Ang hirap kasi sa ‘yo, isa kang kunsintidora!
Putak ka nang putak, daig mo pa ang manok
Hindi naman bagay sa katawan mong bilog!

Genelyn Magsaysay:
Wow! Kung magsalita ka naman, parang perfect ka ah
Anong ‘pinagmamalaki mo, ‘yang malawak mong panga?
Hoy! Kung gusto mong mag-bise, ‘wag mo kaming gamitin!
Ipaliwanag mo na lang kung sino si Josephine!

Bong Revilla:
Anak ng teteng…
Huwag ka ngang mamersonal at ‘wag ka nang mandawit
Baka nalilimutan mo, minsan ka ring naging kabit!
Wala akong paki, kung kuya mong congressman ay rich
May respeto ako sa babae, kahit “menopausal bitch!”

Genelyn Magsaysay:
Pucha ka! Bakit pati kuya ko ay iyong dinamay
Pinaplastic mo lang pala siya noong gabi ng lamay
‘Wag na ‘wag kang magpapakita rito, kapag si RJ nakalabas
Tingnan ko lang kung makaporma ka sa lalaking naka-Halloween mask!

In Other News
Miss Philippines, Gwendolyn Ruais won first runner-up in the Miss World pageant held in London early Monday morning (Manila time). Congratulations Gwen! You’re the man!

Meanwhile, Miss Philippines Diane Necio won Miss Internet Popularity in the Miss International pageant held last night in China. ‘k.

A grandson of Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile identified as Achilles Juan Ponce Enrile was robbed by the driver of a taxicab he flagged down in Mandaluyong City. When the robber announced, “Holdup ‘to. Ibigay mo sa akin ang pera mo!” Achilles said, “Oh no you don’t! I’m Enrile’s grandson.” The robber retorted, “Ah ganun!? Ibigay mo sa akin ang pera ng bayan!”

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile’s grandson was robbed by a taxi driver. Sa awa ng Diyos, haping-hapi ang robber!
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“Crime is a product of social excess.”
~Vladimir Lenin

Quotes of the Week(end)
“Nakakalungkot. Malayo pa po ang eleksyon. Bakit napakaaga ng kampanya?”
~Genelyn Magsaysay

“Pabalikin mo ang anak mo! Hindi ako naniniwalang hindi mo alam ang pag-alis niya!”
~Sen. Bong Revilla

“I pray for our finances. They are pushing us to the limit. I’m trying to cope, my children are the ones holding our allowance. I’m always the one making abono, they cut off our allowance but they are the ones living luxurious living. They have luxurious cars and houses.”
~Genelyn Magsaysay‘s Facebook status (October)

THERE GOES YOUR MOTIVE.

Briefly Noted
Sunday Inquirer Magazine’s cover yesterday, Nov. 6 was Vicki Belo. The cover says “BELO On Belo & Other Obsessions.” Below it: ENCOUNTER WITH A Mangkukulam“

Have a great week! Ingat!

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RAMONA

“How do you solve a problem like Ramona?
How do you catch a kin and pin her down?
How do you find a word that means Ramona?
A flibbertijibbet! A sign-o’-her guilt! A clown!
~Ramona, from “The Sound of Muse Sick”

RAMONA BAUTISTA, Ramona Revilla, Maria Ramona Belen Magsaysay Bautista, Mara Revilla, Maria Ramona Gaddafi or whatever her name was had LEFT the country Friday night. Or maybe she was kidnapped, we don’t know. ‘Wag kayong judgmental!

Ramona Revilla had left the country. Expect her to surface near Star Mall in Las Piñas City soon.

Ramona Bautista, one of the suspects in the murder of her brother Ramgen left for Hong Kong early Friday night. Take that Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo!

Hours after retracting her statement that she was kidnapped by Ramgen’s assailants, Ramona Bautista left for Hong Kong Friday night. What a way to spend the long weekend!

Ramona Bautista was spotted at the departure area of NAIA terminal 1 Friday night. She was trying to cover her face with a red scarf… not with the Halloween mask she wore the night Ram was killed.

A furious Sen. Bong Revilla said he didn’t know about Ramona’s flight. Among other things.

On Friday night, Genelyn Magsaysay said goodbye to murder suspect Ramona Bautista… as Bong Revilla was saying goodbye to his vice presidential ambition!

Ramona Bautista has left the country. With the help of Google, she’ll be a good cook in 12 months.

Latest reports say Maria Ramona Belen Bautista is a married woman and that her husband is from Turkey. When the murder probe began, she chickened out.

This just in! In high school, Ramona Bautista was allegedly voted “most likely to get away with something gruesome.”

Ramona Bautista: Just when we all thought we’ve seen the worst in Princess Revilla.

Right now, there are two kinds of people in the Philippines: those who believe that Ramona Bautista is guilty as hell, and Genelyn Magsaysay.

Murder suspect Maria Ramona Belen Magsaysay Bautista has left the country. Malacañang is blaming the previous administration of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

In Other News
During yesterday’s YouTube Worldview live interview, President Aquino was asked by a kid if he still believed in Santa Claus. It would have been more interesting if the kid asked the President if he still believed in love.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson says he’s convinced that former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is planning to hide abroad amid her legal woes in the country. “Hey kettle! It’s pot. You’re black!”

Reports say a huge asteroid will pass closer to Earth than the moon on Tuesday. But NASA clarifies there is no chance that the object will collide with the Earth or moon. Seriously, I hope it collides with Ramona Bautista.
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“Murder is always a mistake – one should never do anything one cannot talk about after dinner.”
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Week
“Kung talagang umalis siya, this is a sign of guilt. ‘Di namin sha mapapatawad. Kahit kapatid namin sya dapat nyang panagutan ito. Bakit siya tatakbo in the first place kung wala siyang kasalanan? Lalo niyang inipit ang kapatid niya sa ginawa niyang ito. Si Genelyn (Magsaysay) galit sa akin, kung bakit ko raw tinurn over si Joseph sa kapulisan. Tayo’y maninindigan sa tama. The rule of law must prevail.”
~Sen. Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr. reacting to reports that half-sister Ramona had left the country

Beware of This Cop
You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ka ba sa resulta ng imbestigasyon ng pulisya sa Ram Revilla murder case?
-OO Naman. 77.89%
-HINDI. Duda pa rin. 8.42%
-Pag-aaralan ko pa. 13.68%

Elsewhere
GMA News: Shocking crime stirs interest in Agimat’s prolific life

ABS-CBN News: Ramona Bautista’s last interview before she left the country

Have a great weekend! If you’re in Hong Kong, extend my regards to Ramona! Good luck!

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72

THE ALL SAINTS DAY break is over. The Christmas Season is officially here. In fact, the Alex Boncayao Brigade is getting their cash gift soon!

But first, this: there’s absolutely no truth to rumors that former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. is the father of the 7 billionth baby born on October 31.

Seventy-Two
Portia Ilagan, the spokesman of the Revilla family said Ramon Revilla Sr. fathered at least 72 children. Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile believes it could have been more had Revilla not “aborted” sperm cells.

Ramon Revilla Sr. has fathered 72 children with 16 different women… officially making Mang Dolphy Quizon a saint.

Former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. was not able to attend Wednesday’s funeral of his murdered son Ram. He was still confined in the hospital although his BP has gone back to normal, 120 over 72 children.

After the funeral, Ram’s mother, “That’s Entertainment” alumna Genelyn Magsaysay told the media she didn’t raise her children to be violent people. And Princess Revilla was like, “Why are you looking at me?”

The Ligots
Former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot and wife, Erlinda have surfaced Wednesday and posted a bail of P160,000 for a string of tax evasion cases. The couple’s lawyer said the Ligots went on a vacation “somewhere in Luzon.” When asked to give more clues, the lawyer said, “Basta! Kung saan ‘di naghanap ang NBI, do’n yun!”

Overseas…
Herman Cain, a former pizza chain CEO and leading Republican presidential candidate is being accused of harassing two women in the mid-1990s. Cain dismissed the issue as a demolition job invented by the camp of Manny Villar.

Success!
Here’s a piece of good news. US surgeons successfully separated Filipino conjoined twins Angelica and Angelina Sabuco. The surgery lasted 9 hours, about half an hour shorter than the marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

Top 10 Things That Have Lasted Longer Than The Kardashian-Humphries Marriage

No. 10: The NCAA games in the Philippines

No. 9: The Ligot couple’s vacation

No. 8: Nora Aunor’s good behavior after her return to the Philippines (May himala!)

No. 7: The UP Fighting Maroons’ losing streak

No. 6: “Happy Yipee Yehey” (Akalain mo ‘yon!)

No. 5: Christopher Lao’s online popularity

No. 4: The Yuletide Season in the Philippines

No. 3: Manny and Jinkee Pacquiao’s latest cold war

No. 2: The time spent by Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo in the hospital after being elected congresswoman

And the No. 1 thing that has lasted longer than Kim and Kris’ marriage…

Noli De Castro’s “TeeeeeeeeeeeeVeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Patrol”

The marriage of reality star Kim Kardashian and NBA player Kris Humphries’ lasted 72 days. And James Yap was like, “Puwede pala ‘yon? Sus, kung alam ko lang… “
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“I don’t know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It’s not gay people who are ‘ruining the sanctity of marriage.’ It’s celebrities.”
~Craig Ferguson

Quote of Week
“Kung maaari lang po, tugisin niyo ang totoong killer. Huwag niyong gamitin ang pamilya ko. Huwag niyo kaming paikut-ikutin dahil alam mo kung sino ka. Kawawa ang mga anak ko. Kung kayo ay may galit sa akin, ako na lang. huwag niyo nang isama ang mga anak ko. Ang mga anak ko ay mahal na mahal ko.”
~Genelyn Magsaysay, Ram Revilla’s mother

Elsewhere
Blogger raises issue of possible plagiarism vs. the Department of Tourism

GMA News: DOT: ‘Plagiarized’ food article was just a test page

Enjoy the rest of the week! Merry Christmas!

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WELCOME!

THE GOOD NEWS is the world’s 7 billionth baby was born on October 31. The bad news is the person who did the head count died of exhaustion this morning.

The United Nations announced the birth of the world’s 7 billionth baby. Mar Roxas wants a recount.

A Filipina became the mother of the world’s symbolic 7 billionth baby yesterday. Today, Sen. Tito Sotto demanded to see the baby’s birth certificate.

Yahoo! News reported that the United Nations marked October 31 with a series of symbolic 7-billionth babies being born. Baby Danica May Camacho of the Philippines was the first. Take that China!

As I correctly predicted last October 17, the world’s (symbolic) 7 billionth baby will be born in Manila’s Fabella Memorial Hospital. What I failed to predict though was that the event will be sponsored by Goldilocks.

Baby Danica May Camacho was welcomed with a chocolate cake from the United Nations. What an unhealthy start!

Several symbolic 7 billionth babies were welcomed by mothers of different nationalities. Surprisingly, not one of those moms was Nadya Suleman.

This just in: World population will have to remain at 7 billion until experts have decided who the real 7 billionth human is!

Undas 2011
As of 3PM, Tuesday, police put the crowd estimate at the Manila North Cemetery at 1 million 100 thousand (1.1M). So far, everbody has been cooperative to authorities… except for the one million one hundred thousandth person who is demanding a chocolate cake from UN.

At 54 hectares, the Manila North Cemetery is one of the country’s biggest cemeteries. To give you an idea of how huge it is, one side is controlled by the Manila police; the opposite side is controlled by the MILF.

The Philippine National Police says the observance of Undas 2011 is “generally peaceful.” The PNP’s assessment of the peace and order situation this year is generally rehash.

Donations
A week after Malacañang admitted donating 5 million pesos to the MILF, palace officials confirmed reports that the government plans to donate some P31 million in livelihood assistance to the Alex Boncayao Brigade, a breakaway Communist group. Being enemies of the state has never been this rewarding. So if you want to rebel against the government, now is the time.

Abu Sayyaf
Despite the All Saints Day break, the military says it will not stop its offensive against the Abu Sayyaf Group until the terrorists are eliminated. Unfazed, the Abu Sayyaf Group says it will not stop its offensive against the military until it receives donation from Malacañang.

Reports say Malaysian Jemaah Islamiyah leader Zulkipli bin Hir alias Marwan, could have been killed in an airstrike in Indanan, Sulu last Sunday. But the military is still verifying the report, or as Sen. Tito Sotto would say, “Death certificate muna.”

The Ligots
The National Bureau of Investigation failed to locate former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda. But NASA believes the couple landed somewhere in the Pacific.

Former AFP comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda couldn’t be located by the NBI. Apparently, they haven’t checked Marlene Aguilar’s basement.

(Breaking News: The Ligots surfaced Wednesday at the Court of Tax Appeal.)

Charice’ Dad
Charice Pempengco’s father Ricky Pempengco was stabbed to death in San Pedro, Laguna Monday night. The international singing sensation and her mother Raquel are seeking all-out justice while Ricky Pempengco’s relatives have declared an all-out war against them.

Kim & Kris
After only 72 days, reality TV star Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce from her NBA husband, Kris Humphries. Kim made the decision after she discovered that Kris withdrew 5 million from their joint account.
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“Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.”
~ Sam Levenson

Quotes of the Week
“Hindi kami makapaniwala na may kinalaman nga siya, hangga’t hindi napapatunayan, beyond reasonable doubt, na ginawa nga niya ang ibinibintang sa kanya. Hindi pa man naililibing ang isa, isinasangkot naman ang isa pa. Gayunpaman, kung sinuman ang tunay na may kagagawan nito, kahit sino pa siya, dapat siyang managot.”
~Sen. Bong Revilla after the arrest of Ramon Joseph Bautista (Revilla) who was being tagged as the mastermind in the killing of his older brother Ram Revilla last Friday

“They may want to pay their respects to their dead. It is, after all, a tradition…”
~ NBI deputy director for intelligence serviceS, Atty. Ruel Lasala on the Ligots’ failure to surface despite the pending arrest warrants

You Have Spoken
Sa isyu ng 5 milyong pisong “donasyon” ng pamahalaang Aquino sa MILF:
-Pinapa-account naman ng administrasyon kung saan ginastos eh. Malay n’yo sa napag-usapang proyekto naman napunta! 8.67%
-Kalaban ng gobyerno, pinopondohan ng gobyerno ang proyekto? Astig huh! 82.08%
-Aalamin ko muna ang isyu. 9.25%

Have a great week! Merry Christmas!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.