“HELLLOOO!”

17 08 2011

Dial M for Manoling:
An Exclusive (Almost) Tell-All Interview

You’ve seen him on TV, heard on the radio and read in the papers. But there’s nothing quite like this conversation. The Professional Heckler asked our guest questions people have been wanting to ask but couldn’t. Read on.

Heckler: Good evening sir.
Manoling: Helloooo!

Heckler: Nagmamadali ba kayo sir? Don’t worry, I only have five questions. This will be short.
Manoling: No, no, no. It’s ok. I prefer it long. Hellooo!

Heckler: Haha Funnier pala kayo sir in person. Akala ko sa TV lang.
Manoling: Depende ta mood ko. I mean sa mood ko. Sorry. Nabulol ako bigla.

Heckler: Unang tanong, ano ho ba talaga ang M sa “Dial M?”
Manoling: Thank you for asking that. Lagi nga akong iniintriga dahil sa letter M na ‘yan eh. Akala ng iba it stands for “Manoling.” May nagsabi pa ngang baka raw “Mahadera” o “Madaya.” That’s preposterous and insulting. Hellloooo! Hindi ako madaya! The program was produced primarily to guide the lotto bettors. The letter M in Dial M stands for “Mananaya.” It was a show of the people, for the people, by the people. Sila ang inspirasyon namin sa programang ito.

Heckler: Tumataya ho ba kayo sa lotto?
Manoling: Hellooooo! For me to bet on the lotto is tantamount to depriving the poor an opportunity for a better life. That’s cruel. Para que pa at nag-host ako ng public service program kung kakalabanin ko ang mahihirap? Do you get the logic hijo?

Heckler: Bakla ho ba kayo?
Manoling: Just a minute hijo. May tumatawag yata sa aking telefono. Hello? Yes, Maggie… Ah no. No, Maggie, ‘di kita puwedeng ilaglag. Yes, yes, Helloooo BFFs remember? Yes… yes. O sige Maggie, bye!

Heckler: Maggie De La Riva sir?
Manoling: Ah, no. That’s Magi Gunigundo, nagkamali ng dial. Kinausap ako…  eh ‘di kinausap ko rin. Tanga lang. By the way, you were asking something about the Senate hearing?

Heckler: Ahm, no sir. Ang question ko po, bakla ho ba kayo?
Manoling: ‘Yan ba talaga ang tanong mo before the phone call? I think hindi ‘yan eh. Can you verify sa ‘yong questionnaire?

Heckler: Ito na lang po: Sino ang ibinoto n’yong presidential candidate noong 2010?
Manoling: Hellooooo! Siyempre si Noynoy!

Heckler: Pero sir, kitang-kita ang ebidensya sa “Dial M.” You were blatantly campaigning for Gilbert Teodoro.
Manoling: Helloooo! It doesn’t necessarily follow. Bakit si Erap? Ikinampanya si Binay sa buong Pilipinas pero hindi niya ibinoto? ‘Tsaka si former President Arroyo! Gibô sa kampanyahan, Villar sa halalan. Hellooo!

Heckler: Baka naman nagpapalusot lang kayo Sir dahil may electioneering case na against you?
Manoling: I’ve said this before and I am saying this now, Dial M was a comedy show, a gag show. We were merely playing our respective roles sa programa. Effective lang talaga ang portrayal namin ni Maggie. Helllloooo!

Heckler: Sir, I heard good swimmer ho kayo. Hypothetical lang po: kung nasa isang papalubog na bangka kayo with Mrs. Margie Juico and Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. Sino ang sasagipin mo?
Manoling: Mali ang research mo hijo. I don’t swim.

Heckler: Sa isang episode ng “Dial M,” na-mention n’yo po na sinungaling si Sen. TG Guingona at si Sen. Chiz naman, mahilig magpa-cute. Ano po bang…
Manoling: Dear Lord! Hindi pa ba tapos ang isyung ‘yan? I have apologized to both of them Mother of Christ! If they’re not satisfied, sige, luluhod ako sa harapan nila. Kahit sabay pa! Sabihin lang nila kung kailan at saan, kung ‘yon lang ang paraan upang mapatawad nila ako, sige luluhod ako!

Heckler: Maiba ho ako. Mainit hong pinag-uusapan ang “Poleteismo” ni Mideo Cruz. Ano ho ang masasabi n’yo sa exhibit na ‘yon?
Manoling: I was shocked and I was offended. It was repugnant. It was repulsive. It was insensitive. Tama ba namang lagyan ng ari ang Kristong Hari? I mean, phallic-worship is not uncommon these days; and I’m not speaking from personal experience, pero wala naman sanang bastusan ng religious images and symbols. Nakakapangilabot!

Heckler: Almost 78 na ho kayo. Kumusta ho ang sex life n’yo?
Manoling: Grabe ka naman hijo. Masyado kang judgmental. Si Kuya Germs nga, active pa, ako pa kaya na mas mukhang bata. Let’s leave it at that. Helllooo!

Heckler: Napuntahan n’yo na ba ang Wikipedia? Familiar ho ba kayo do’n?
Manoling: I have heard about it pero sa edad kong ito, nakakapagod nang bumiyahe.
Heckler: Hindi po lugar ‘yon. It’s a free online encyclopedia. Anyway, you were quoted to have said that you “have taken a vow of celibacy.” Are you still a virgin sir?
Manoling: My god! Why are you asking all these questions!? You’re invading my privacy! Helllooo! Just so you know hijo, the last time someone attempted to “invade” my privates, I mean, my privacy, hindi ako nasiyahan. Pinalayas ko! So pleeeease, tama na.

Heckler: Sorry for that Sir. Nabanggit po ninyo sa Senado na hinding-hindi na kayo tatanggap ng kahit anong posisyon sa gobyerno?
Manoling: That’s correct! Never!

Heckler: Eh kung 100 thousand per month ang suweldo?
Manoling: Never!

Heckler: 100 thousand + luxury car?
Manoling: Ayoko!

Heckler: 100 thousand + luxury car + condo unit?
Manoling: ‘Di ko kailangan ang mga ‘yan!

Heckler: 100 thousand + luxury car + condo unit + a date with John Lloyd Cruz and Coco Martin?
Manoling: Anong posisyon ba ‘yong ino-offer?
Heckler: Ay, wala po. Hypothetical lang.
Manoling: Helllooo!
-END OF INTERVIEW-

The Pacquiaos and Paris
Congressman Manny Pacquiao had dinner with socialite and heiress Paris Hilton Tuesday night. My sources say Pacman discussed his stance on poverty, reproductive health, divorce, and religion. The socialite was surprised. Pacman has more ‘positions’ than her.

Top 6 Things Overheard at the Dinner Hosted by the Pacquiaos for Paris Hilton

No. 6: “Drinks ma’am? Juice, iced tea?” “Thanks! But I want a blow job honey!”

No. 5: “Hi Pares. Call me Mommy D for tonight onli. Is this you olredi? Pastilan! Malaswaaaa! Ikaw nga ang babaeng malaswaaa!”

No. 4: “You know what Jinkee, you remind me of my old film. Have you seen ‘House of Wax?’”

No. 3: “So tell me something about your president. Is he cool?”

No. 2: “Paris, this is my friend, Governor Chavit. He’s like your old California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. You know… many wifes. Many childrens.”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the dinner hosted by the Pacquiaos for Paris Hilton…

“I see you in the old movie of yours. Hihihi But it’s dark. I heard onli the ungol. You know what is ungol? It’s like this, ‘Ooohng, oh, oooooohhng. Oh aaahhhh!’ That’s ungol in layman’s term. You know.”

Brothers Arroyo
According to Negros Occidental Rep. Ignacio “Iggy” Arroyo, his brother, former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo did not own the used choppers sold to the PNP. The helicopters, he claimed, were only “leased” to the Arroyo firm, LTA, Inc. Ano ba’ng palagay ng magkapatid na ‘yan sa publiko? Elesi? Eh bakit pinapaikot nila tayo?

The Jose Pidal account then, the controversial choppers today. The younger brother of former First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo is taking up the cudgels for him yet again. Or as Will Smith would say, “Getting Iggy With It.”

GMA Update
According to Dr. Juliet Gopez-Cervantes of the St. Luke’s Medical Center they did not advise former President Arroyo to seek medical treatment abroad. This is contrary to the earlier statement issued by Dr. Raul Lambino.

Setback
A Mandaluyong City judge has issued a 20-day TRO on the enforcement of the MMDA’s no-smoking policy on roads and major thoroughfares. MMDA chairman Francis Tolentino calls it a “setback.” The judge calls it “payday.”
————————————————————————————-
“The younger brother must help to pay for the pleasures of the elder.”
~ Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

Personal
You can still vote for The Professional Heckler a.k.a. Loi Reyes Landicho in the Tatt Awards: Word Slayer category. There are other great finalists in the category, vote for them too. Ten categories, 50 finalists. Vote now!

You Have Spoken
Sa rumor na makikipagkita si Paris Hilton kay Pangulong Aquino, ano ang masasabi mo?
-Sure, why not? Baka makatulong sa turismo at negosyo. 21.63%
-One word: CHEAP! 46.94%
-Wala akong pakialam. 31.43%

Enjoy the rest of the week! Stay healthy.

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25 responses

17 08 2011
danny

…meron bang perceived clamor for interview kay mr. manoling among readers? it hasn’t really sunk into me.

…na-amused tuloy ta mood ni manoling si Prof. kya ung promised na 5 questions e dumami pa hehehe.

17 08 2011
etchosera

Kelangan pa ba talagang may perceived clamor?

I mean….. as in?

Ano ang konek?

18 08 2011
senior60

naalaala ko tuloy noong una akong napadpad dito kay
mister heckler, matagaltagal ko ding dinibdib ang kanyang
mga topics until dumating sa point na sinaway na ako ng
ibang posters na, ito na nga, parang guniguni/heckling lang
ang lahat..

yes, mister heckler has indeed a fertile imagination

20 08 2011
danny

@etchosera:

…nasa plebiscite mode po kasi ang blog when Prof. discussed dial M and mr. manoling–hence “clamor”.

21 08 2011
etchosera

opo, ‘Teh Danny…… masusunod po.

17 08 2011
danny

…e2 man gyud si pares helton, dapat i-kaibegan man kay kres aqueno. parihu man gyud gimikira. pareho malaswaaa! malaswaaa!

…kay bantayan ko man gyud mabote ug aking anak bk maga-tiks ulet si jengki kay pares helton. OMG, it’s shimful u know.

17 08 2011
etchosera

Bwahahahahaha!

Ayyyyy! Tama po ba ang reaction ko?

17 08 2011
piyaa

HELOOW…panalo to as always!
and that paris and pacq photo- it sure tells a lot!
ph marunong ka ba magphotoshop?
astig mga napipili mong photo, ganda imanipulate.

17 08 2011
libertas

Very appropriate quote from jane austen.

Iggy is sick in london! Right!
As a non attendee in congress he said in july he had to be in london for hip replacement. Now he says he has to be in london for liver ailment. Why elect sick men to a job which they have no interest in other than to scam or evade justice.
The whole family is sick in more ways than one.

And whilst the congress debate ‘what is art’ maybe they should debate ‘ is there any integrity or intellect left in politics in the country’

The bad news is that the country scores 86 in comparative country iq’s (intelligent quotient) -average 100. The good news is it has not hit moronic level – yet.

17 08 2011
rojan88

hahahaha. ang saya talgang pangstart nang work tong blog mo sir, pang good vibes. hehehe.

bat di mo tinanong kay manoling sir kung crush ka nya. hahahaha.di ba sa previous post may proposal sya sayo. wahahahahha

oo nga po ongoing pa rin ang #TATTAwards. pls vote din po for Tonyo Cruz – Thought Mover and Beth Angsioco – The Advocate. :-) #idolpakampanyaah. hehehe

http://rojan88.wordpress.com

17 08 2011
hikatalomato

why get angry when their pope himself is worshiping the biggest dong located at the center of saint peter’s square.

17 08 2011
hikatalomato

m stands for molester

17 08 2011
Victoria N. Navida

hahaha…i luv the Manoling Morato interview…yan talaga ang mga tanong na hindi kayang itanong ng mga reporters at madlang pipol….hellooooo!!!

17 08 2011
kalokah

phallic worship? hellooo…

18 08 2011
BisDaK!

not that i care about Paris coming to the Phil and doing business with the Pacquiao, but making it into sensational media, it so cheap! Sino’ng makikinabang ng resort na yan kundi ang mga elitista lang! Bakit ang taga GenSan at Saranggani ba makaka-haon sa hirap pag iyan ay matutuloy?

Lisod jud ning trying hard pa sosyal ba…

18 08 2011
Anonymous

Very funny. A good way to start my day. Thanks!

18 08 2011
Anonymous

ay natuloy pala ang inyong lunch ni M?

18 08 2011
senior60

re: quote from jane austen

aside from that fertile imagination, mister heckler is also

a quotation king, awesome how he is able to find one for

each popular topic

18 08 2011
libertas

Good on the model who expressed her opinion on the possible aquino -paris hilton meeting and shame on those who dont have the intellect to have opinions, or who dont respect the right of other individuals to express theirs.
She is clearly above the national iq average

18 08 2011
Anonymous

ang kulit mo naman sa sex life ni mr.morato para tuloy gusto mong umiskor sa kanya.

18 08 2011
libertas

Am sure hiltons new resort in the centre of crime ridden manila will be a big hit – for the car-jackers and thieves. Dont think she will be holidaying there anytime soon.
‘aren’t those children sleeping on the street so adorable. I just love them’

18 08 2011
yahjme05

reading this made me smile before I go to bed.

hahaa

laughtrip me u know ?

18 08 2011
professionalheckler

thank u! :-)

24 08 2011
pinoysentiment

Your blog is really funny! But they are true naman… Kasi yung blog ko super seryoso! hehe..

16 09 2011
Abraham Darius Llave (@abrahamdsl)

“… luluhod ako sa harapan nila. Kahit sabay pa! ”

>>>> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:-)

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