OUT

TYPHOON MINA has slowly moved out of the country. I am not sure if there’s another storm coming but I heard Customs Commission Angelito Alvarez has started packing.

As it heads toward China, typhoon Mina has been downgraded to a tropical storm. And Standard & Poor’s executives were like, “Don’t look at us!”

Metro Manila wasn’t spared from the wrath of Typhoon Mina. For the record though, it was the third disaster to happen in the metro in recent weeks… next only to “The Adventures of Pureza: Queen of the Riles” and “Tween Academy: Class of 2012.”

Fired!
President Aquino confirmed that Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez is on his way out. According to the President he is not satisfied with the Customs chief’s performance. To which Alvarez allegedly said, “The feeling is mutual.”

The President has fired Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez. Of course, Alvarez would have retained his post if he knew how to fire a gun.

Off to China
For the first time since he assumed office, President Aquino is visiting the People’s Republic of China. As a precautionary measure, he was advised to avoid riding a bus in the Communist country.

Reports say trade tops President Aquino’s agenda on his trip to China. Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda will be part of the President’s entourage mainly because he’s good at trading… barbs.

Joining President Aquino in China are prominent Filipino businessmen – a number of them are of Chinese descent – led by taipans Lucio Tan, Henry Sy, John Gokongwei and PLDT big boss Em Vee Pee.

President Aquino’s trip to China is his first. Or second, if you’d count his visit to Divisoria.

Alabang Boys
The drug case against two of the three so-called Alabang Boys has been dismissed. As the verdict allowing them to walk free, was being read, Richard Brodett and Jorge Joseph, son of radio host Johnny Midnight were in sheer ecstasy.

Overseas…
Faced with a declining approval rating, Japanese Prime Minister Naoto Kan has stepped down. Jobless, Kan has accepted several invitations to visit the Philippines and teach Filipino politicians the concept of ‘delicadeza.’

Nabbed
The sex maniac targeting dentists was arrested over the weekend. Relatives of the victims vow revenge. You know, a tooth for a tooth.

Species
According to a new estimate described by scientists as the most accurate ever, planet Earth is home to 8.7 million species. But more are expected to emerge…  with the help of people like Vicki Belo, Drs. Manny & Pie Calayan, and Ellen Lising.

Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs is very sick. Apparently, he did not eat an apple a day. That would have kept the doctor away.
——————————————————————————————–
“Getting fired is nature’s way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place.”
~Hal Lancaster

Quote of Week
“I cannot satisfy everybody. I did my best. If my best wasn’t enough, then I can’t do anything about that.”
~Outgoing Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez

Quote of the Weak
“I may be disconnected from my being Filipino, but with a tongue of privilege I will always have my connections.”
~Ateneo student James Soriano on Filipino, and English, his “mother tongue”

Bonus!
Your weekly horoscope: August 30 – September 5, 2011

August 30, 1989: Director Roman Polanski marries 23-yr-old actress Emmanuelle  Seigner… surprising everyone since the average age of Polanski’s ex-girlfriends was 14.

August 30, 1987: Ben Johnson of Canada runs the century dash in 9.83 seconds… or as Usain Bolt would call it, “Forever!”

August 30, 1885: 13,000 meteors were seen in one hour near Andromeda. The astronomer who witnessed the event was subsequently named “Best in Counting.”

August 30, 1682: William Penn left England to sail to New World. Had he not sailed, the US would have a state called “Sylvania.”

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang pumayag ang pamahalaan sa demand na “substate” ng MILF?
-Sure! Kung iyan ang susi sa pagwawakas ng kaguluhan sa Mindanao! 16.43%
-No! Wala sa saligang-batas ang konseptong ‘yan! Ano kayo hilo? 74.65%
-Pag-aaralan ko muna ang demand. 8.92%

Have a great week!

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THANK YOU!

HINDI KO ALAM kung paano ito sisimulan. Susulatin ko ba ito sa wikang Filipino o gagamit ako ng Ingles para maunawaan ni James Soriano?

IT WAS JUST OVERWHELMING.

I wasn’t supposed to attend the Tatt Awards Friday night. I had a terrible headache. In fact, my doctor slash lawyer Raulito Lambino advised me to seek medical treatment abroad. I refused.

The electronic invite says the program was to start at 7 o’clock. I was still on the road at 7:20. It was payday. It was Friday. Perfect recipe for a monstrous Makati City traffic jam. We got stuck in traffic along Makati Avenue for like forever. Sadly, nobody informed us that traffic along that street was really bad. They should have put a sign or something, I don’t know. I should have been informed. Cigarette and sampaguita vendors just stared. It’s as if they were waiting for motorists to just do that – drive on a congested road. Dapat ininform nila ako. Inform! ‘Yon lang ‘yon eh.

The fact that the event was to be held at the Manila Peninsula escaped me. Otherwise, I would have just marched with Senator Trillanes and Ces Drilon towards the hotel. Iwas-traffic pa.

We arrived just in time for the program. With a smile on their faces, members of the hotel security greeted us, “Good evening sir. Good evening ma’am.” Wow, nag-English si manong. Learned.

Gang Badoy, yup, THE Gang Badoy presented the winner in the WordSlayer category. “And the Slayer is…,” Gang announced, “Loi Reyes Landicho!” Stunned. “Syet. Totoo pala ‘to. Winner nga ako.” To which the Alabang Boys said, “Kami rin!”

Winners were not allowed to deliver an acceptance speech. Sayang! I intended to joke pa naman about my lovelife in my speech.

Just to be sure, I had to verify the name on the envelope. Malay ko ba! Baka Ruffy Biazon pala ang nakasulat do’n ‘tapos sa media ko lang malalaman na siya pala ang winner. Ang sakit no’n ‘di ba?

For the first time, I met former ABS-CBN News Chief and former CNN Jakarta Bureau Chief Maria Ressa who was a member of the Tatt Council. I was awestruck. She was so down to earth. Mararamdaman mong interested siya sa sinasabi ng kausap niya. And for a moment, I thought, why kaya? Do I look like a terrorist?

Tim Yap co-hosted the event with socialite Divine Lee, daughter of Globe Asiatique’s Delfin Lee! I was so tempted to approach and ask her, “May boyfriend ka na? Kumusta ang PAGIBIG mo?”

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to ask Tim if there’s truth to rumors that he’s been offered to host the PCSO’s lotto draw. Why not ‘di ba?

I was glad that the event was over before 10 o’clock. I was half unwell. Before the final act performed, I started to feel a stinging sensation in my neck. Hopefully, it’s not a pinched nerve.

After the win, my friend said, “Thank everyone who supported you. Hold a press con next week!” Ano ako? DOJ secretary?

Thank you Tatt Awards. Thank you Tatt Council (judges). Thank you supporters. Thank you virtual pals (Twitter, FB, Friendster, and blog). Thank you friends and co-workers. And of course, thanks to my family. WE won!

Espesyal na pasasalamat sa mga mamamahayag mula sa iba’t ibang pahayagan at himpilan ng radyo at telebisyon na pangunahing pinagkukunan ko ng impormasyong nagsisilbing basehan ng aking mga artikulo. Thank you guys!
————————————————————————————————
“Social media doesn’t create negativity, it uncovers it.”
- Jay Baer

Personal
Apologies to a group of people who requested an interview. It wasn’t my intention to ignore you. Hinila ako ng direktor ng event. Sisihin n’yo si @Loyva88!

It was great meeting some tweetpals: Maria Angelica Tulod of Bulacan, Ronnie Mia of Cavite, WhenInManila’s Paula De Los Reyes and Mark Pere Madrona of UP Diliman. The Azkals’ Jason Sabio who was seated right next to me during the Kobe Bryant event at the Big Dome tweeted that he was right behind me this time. Gusto na yata akong irecruit. To those people i met but whose names I cannot recall (I am not good at remembering names), apologies and thank you for the support.

Lastly, i was able to meet THE @chicogarcia in person. Si Delle na lang ang hindi pa.

To Coy Caballes of Globe and to the organizers, maraming salamat.

Fellow finalists and winners, congratulations!

Thank you all! Have a great long weekend!

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TIME’S UP!

JUST SO YOU KNOW: My dot com site: http://professionalheckler.com was hacked! The Professional Heckler falls victim to the Professional Hacker! Darn. We’re trying to fix the site now. Hacked or not, heckling must go on.

PALACE SOURCES say President Aquino has selected former congressman Ruffy Biazon as a replacement for Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez. Everyone has been informed of the President’s decision to replace Alvarez except for Alvarez.

Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez  denied rumors that he had resigned. Alvarez says he will continue to perform his duties until such time that the President tells him to step down or the Philippine Daily Inquirer banners his sacking.

Embattled Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez told the press that he would not step down, and vowed to fight ‘til he’s removed. Alvarez was quick to deny rumors though that his role model was Colonel Moammar Gadhafi.

New Appointees
Defeated senatorial candidate Nereus Acosta has been appointed presidential adviser for environmental protection. Another defeated senatorial candidate, Ruffy Biazon will reportedly be appointed Customs commissioner. This has been a great week for losers.

Bookkeeper
Rowena Del Rosario, the former bookkeeper of the Arroyo firm LTA, Inc., has been released from detention. If needed though, Del Rosario has to come back and answer questions from the members of the Senate prosecution panel.

Irked by Rowena Del Rosario’s answers, Sen. Panfilo Lacson told the former bookkeeper, “Alam mo, ang galing mong magtanga-tangahan.” To which, Rowena replied, “Kayo naman po, ang galing magtagu-taguan.”

More on Gaddafi
At press time, rebels claim they have surrounded the compound of Colonel Gadhafi. However, there’s no word yet on the whereabouts of Colonels Gadhafi, Khaddafy, Qaddafi, Kadhafi, and Qaddafy.

Col. Moammar Gaddafi has ordered his men to fight until the end. The rebels have a backup plan though. If they lose this battle, they’ll demand a substate from the government.

Analysts believe that the fall of Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi could pull gas prices down. You know what else is going down because of Gadhafi? The cost of Botox!

Reports say Colonel Moammar Gadhafi is still in Tripoli. The embattled Libyan leader couldn’t leave the country because Justice Secretary Leila De Lima has placed him on the immigration watch list.

In an audio tape released to a local radio station, Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi said his fight against the rebels will end in victory or death. But oppositionists started to doubt the authenticity of the tape when Ignacio Bunye told them that there were in fact, two versions of the recording.

Steve Jobs has resigned. When Col. Moammar Gadhafi heard this, he asked, “Who’s the President of the United States now?”

Earthquake!
The eastern coast of the US was recently hit by a magnitude 5.8 earthquake. Yup, 5.8, or as the Japanese would say, “Zzzzz.”
———————————————————————-
“At 15, life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice.”
~Maya Angelou

Quote of the Weak
“How can you be arrogant to say that? You have a long way to go as far as maturity and wisdom is concerned. Your kind of breed of public servant has no place in public service. Kami pag upo namin dito hiniram lang namin ito wala kaming karapatan maging arogante. Appointed official ka lang, ano karapatan mo maging arogante? Iwan mo pagiging spoiled brat mo sa bahay mo! Matuto ka maging humble!”
- Zambales Rep. Milgaros “Mitos” Magsaysay to Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang

Personal
Thank you so much to everyone who supported me in the first ever Tatt Awards. Kayo ang tunay na winner para sa akin! Maraming salamat po! Winners will be announced Friday. Watch the program live online!

Have a great weekend!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

GADDAFI, QADDAFI, KHADAFY

COLONEL MOAMMAR GADHAFI’s dictatorship teeters on the brink of total collapse. Last night, he was overheard thanking his trusted generals, his family, his close aides, and Doctors Manny and Pie Calayan.

As I write this, the whereabouts of Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi are still unknown. But sketchy reports say the embattled dictator is still in Tripoli with his wife Imelda Gadhafi.

As protesters advanced Sunday toward Tripoli, Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi remained defiant. He threatened them with guns, bombs, and another speech.

Still putting up strong resistance in Tripoli are Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi’s most loyal forces… led by his trusted aide, General al-Fabian Ver.

Beleaguered Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi is still in hiding. This has prompted his opponents to detain his bookkeeper instead.

Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi is reportedly holed up somewhere in Tripoli. Erwin Tulfo and Michael Rogas are negotiating his surrender.

TV reports showed a stash of Colonel Gadhafi’s green shirts. Inexplicably, one of the shirts had a print that read, “ “Galing at Talino” & “Sulong Gadhafi.”

Remember Ritchie Garcia of the PSC and Jeff Tamayo of the POC? When they saw Moammar Gadhafi’s face on television, they said, “Ampaw na lang ‘yon.”

Moammar Gadhafi is not just dividing Libya. Gaddafi is dividing the world’s media. Journalists can’t seem to agree on a standard spelling for Qaddafi’s name.

According to ABC News, there are 112 different ways to spell the Libyan dictator’s name. The latest variations include Arroyodaffy, Iggydaffy, and LOLdaffy.

The whereabouts of Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi are still unknown… although one person probably knows where he is right now: Rupert Murdoch.

Closest aides are reportedly experiencing a hard time thinking of an ‘exit strategy’ for Gadhafi. That robe is just too heavy.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper is looking forward to interviewing Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi. His first question will be, “Who are you wearing?”

This just in: Standard & Poor’s has downgraded Colonel Moammar Gadhafi’s fashion taste.

In Other News
Presidential Communications Operations Office head Herminio Coloma Jr. says President Aquino is willing to have his own television show. Take that Manoling Morato!

Top 5 Rejected Titles for President Aquino’s Television Show

No. 5: “The Smoking President”

No. 4: “SYTYCD: So You Think You Can Drive”

No. 3: “Dial N”

No. 2: Morning shows: ”Umagang Kay Bugá” or “Unang Hitit”

And the No. 1 rejected title for President Aquino’s television show…

“The Working President… Joooke!”
—————————————————————————————
“Disregard for human beings is the first qualification of a dictator.”
~Milton Eisenhower

Elsewhere
In 2009, ABC News listed 112 different ways to spell Gaddafi.

Newsbreak: What the Libya unrest means to Filipinos

Gaddafi Fashion: The Emperor Has Some Crazy Clothes

GMA News: The 2010 Manila hostage crisis: A year after

Lynda Jumilla: Broadcast media lessons from the Manila hostage crisis

Personal
August 23, 2011: Happy birthday to the Black Mamba, KOBE BRYANT of the Los Angeles Lakers! Mabuhay!

Bonus: Your bimonthly horoscope! Ang hindi maniwala, mamalasin!

Have a safe week! Enjoy our freedom! Merry Christmas!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

TRAGEDIES

August 21
August 21, 2011:  The nation commemorates the 28th death anniversary of former senator Benigno Aquino Jr. Sadly, until now, the mastermind of the assassination has yet to be identified, defrosted or buried.

Former Senator Benigno Aquino Jr. was assassinated 28 years ago. If Ninoy were alive today, the 500-peso bill would look dull.

Forty years ago, also on  August 21, nine people were killed and 90 others were injured when the campaign rally of the Liberal Party in Plaza Miranda was bombed. Or as Communist leaders would secretly call it, “a success.”

Hostage Crisis
On August 23, the country marks the first anniversary of the Manila hostage crisis. To refresh your memory, eight Hong Kong Chinese nationals were killed on that fateful day by the hostage taker who was fatally wounded. Among the survivors were 12 tourists, 1 travel guide, 4 Filipinos, Alfredo Lim, Rico E. Puno, and all of DILG.

A year ago on August 23, eight HK Chinese tourists were killed by a dismissed Filipino cop. It came to be known as the Manila hostage tragedy. Or as Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno would say, “my finest moment.”

Survivors and relatives of those who were killed in last year’s Manila hostage crisis are in the country to mark the first anniversary of the tragedy. They are expected to visit the site of the carnage. As a security measure, no Filipino cop will be allowed to go near the area.

Malacañang had said that President Aquino would not meet with the survivors and families of those who were killed in last year’s Manila hostage tragedy. The victims’ relatives were considerate though. They said they’re willing to meet anyone from the Philippine government – except for Edwin Lacierda.

The MILF
Reports say the Moro Islamic Liberation Front has splintered into five factions making it the most fragmented group in the country today. In close second is the Aquino Cabinet.

The Moro Islamic Liberation Front admits that renegade MILF Commander Ameril Umbra Kato is giving them headaches. Umbra Kato is like the Peping Cojuangco of President Aquino’s family.

The Joker
Reports say Sen. Joker Arroyo has called on the government to remove former President Arroyo from the immigration watch list. People are shocked. They were like, “Senador pa pala si Joker Arroyo?!?”

Television
According to a new study, every hour that you watch television after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes… fueling rumors that Imelda Marcos and Juan Ponce Enrile do not have TV sets at home.

The Superstar’s Status
Asked about the status of her relationship with (live-in partner) one-time rapper and one-time actor John Rendez, Nora Aunor said they’re “just friends.” By the way, the Superstar just turned 18 last May 21.

———————————————————
“In order to be a diplomat, one must speak a number of languages, including doubletalk.”
~ Carey Williams

August 21st
On this day in…
1986: Usain Bolt was born. His mother labored for only 9.58 seconds, the fastest in history.

Have a great week ahead!

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JUST ASKING

I THOUGHT I’VE SEEN the last of those letters. I was wrong! Inquiries from both famous and anonymous people just keep coming. Who am I to ignore them? So here we go…

Dear Professional Heckler,
Lagi na lang ako ang mali. Noong time ni Cory, ako. Wala na si Cory, ako pa rin. Ngayong panahon ni Noynoy, ako na naman?!? Pati ba naman sa isyu ng Dragon Boat team, ako ulit?
Nakakasawa na!
Uncle Peping

Dear Uncle Peping,
Anong inirereklamo mo? Eh ikaw naman talaga ‘di ba? Wala ka pa bang planong mag-retire? Sa totoo lang, ang baba na ng tingin ng publiko sa ‘yo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
“Philippine Azkals: 0 Gold, 0 trophies, 5 TV commercials, 20% Pinoy
Philippine Dragon Boat Team (2011): 5 Gold, 0 commercials, 90% Pinoy
Sasagwan ka ba sa karangalan o sisipa sa papogian?”
Sincerely,
Anonymous Author

Dear Anonymous Author,
Dapat kang bigyan ng sariling showbiz-oriented na programa. Masyado ka kasing intrigera. Curious lang ako, taga- Face-to-Face ka ba? Bakit pinag-aaway mo ‘yong dalawa? ‘Tsaka FYI, hindi kasalanan ang maging pogi. Huwag na huwag ka lang pupunta sa Sampaloc, Manila. Bakit? Click here.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Did your President just snub me? Sad.
Wondrin’
Paris

Dear Paris,
Don’t be sad. Our President may have ignored you but our future president did not. You know.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Ayokong dumalo sa Senate hearing. May sakit ako sa liver. Baka lumala.
Worried,
Iggy

Dear Iggy,
Bakit? Ano bang gagawin mo sa Senado? Kakain ng street food? Kung wala kang itinatago, walang rason para ‘di ka dumalo! Ang hilig mo kasing magpauto!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
I was misquoted! I didn’t say that President GMA was advised to seek medical treatment abroad. Bahagi lang ito ng black propaganda laban sa dating pangulo! Bakit n’yo ba ipinipilit na sinabi ko ‘yon? I did not! And these cabinet men! They keep acting like hungry vultures humiliating their intended prey! How heartless! How despicable! How un-Christian!
Mad,
Mr. Lambino

Dear Mr. Lambino,
Tapos ka na? ‘k.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Pisting yawa! Buong angkan na ang nakakulong, nakapambomba pa sa Tacurong! Grabi uy! Ano bang meron sila?
Afraid,
Maguindanao Resident

Dear Maguindanao Resident,
Ganyan talaga kapag powerful. Ang tawag d’yan, “Remote Control.”
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sangkot daw po si Mark Lapid sa anomalya ayon kay outgoing Tourism Secretary Bert Lim. Pero bakit hindi po siya sinususpinde o pinapalitan ng palasyo?
Why Kaya?
Concerned Citizen

Dear Concerned Citizen,
Siyempre naman. Bakit mo naman papalitan ang isang taong napapakinabangan? “Oo! Inaamin ko! Lapid lang kami! Pero maghanap ka ng Mark at Lito sa buong Pilipinas, Lapid lang ang may pisi. Lapid lang ang may pisi!” At mahaba-haba pa ‘yon!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Bakit ang mura ng bilihin sa Puregold na pag-aari ni Mr. Lucio Co? So affordable!
Natutuwa,
Aling Mameng

Dear Aling Mameng,
Sinong smuggler? Naku, Aleng Mameng, masamang magbintang kung walang hawak na ebidensya! Bawiin n’yo ang sinabi n’yo! Bawiin n’yo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Kung paramihan lang ng presscon ang criteria, panalo ‘yang si De Lima. Pero 14 months na siya sa puwesto, wala pa siyang nagagawa. Kaya puwede ba, pakisabi sa palasyo, gawin na lang siyang spokesperson ng pangulo!
Hindi ako galit,
Oakwood Boy

Dear Oakwood Boy,
Hindi ka pa galit nang lagay na ‘yan? Saan ba nangagagaling ang poot mo? Dahil ba tumanggi noon si Secretary De Lima na bigyan ka ng amnesty? Malaya ka na tsong! Move on. Wait lang, ipu-forward ko sa Malacañang ang iyong suggestion.
Heckler

Dear Malacañang,
Attached is the letter of Oakwood Boy. Baka raw gusto n’yong gawing tagapagsalita ng presidente si Madam Secretary. Bahala na kayo.
Heckler

Dear Oakwood Boy through The Professional Heckler
Masyado na kaming marami. Besides, kung ipapasok namin si Madam, sinong dapat palitan? Si Ricky Carandang? Naku, matutuwa si Conrado De Quiros n’yan. But no! We’re okay. We’re fine. Thanks. Bye.
Sabik na sa lamyerda,
Attorney Lacierda

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hey man! Can you blog about the benefits of smoking? Believe me, there are a lot! And if possible, please devote a paragraph or two on the unlawful arrest of hapless smokers by the MMDA. That agency is trampling on the constitutional rights of ordinary citizens. Btw, where do I send the check?
Smokin’ Hot,
Felipe Morris

Dear Felipe Morris,
Ang kapal ng mukha mo! Just so you know, pinatay ng sigarilyo ang tatay ko! Nagkamali kayo ng sinuhulan! Hayup kayo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sino ba talaga ang orihinal na amo ko? Si Archibald Po o si Mike Arroyo?
Nahihilo,
Helicopter

Dear Helicopter,
Paanong ‘di ka mahihilo eh ikot ka nang ikot! Aba, ewan ko! Basta ang alam ko, nagamit ka sa panloloko! Laspag ka na, pero ang mahal-mahal mo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Senador pa po ba si Joker Arroyo? Hindi ko siya nararamdaman.
Naghahanap,
Mang Kanor

Dear Mang Kanor,
Opo, senador pa si Senator Joker. Hindi n’yo ba siya nararamdaman? Kami rin.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Last Thursday, we were leading by 16 points with 7:57 left in the game: 51-35. Pero after the final buzzer, 59-53 ang score at tinalo kami ng FEU. Anong nangyari?
Nagtataka,
UP Fighting Maroons

Dear UP Fighting Maroons,
Kaming  loyal fans, sanay na sanay na! Kayo ba naman hindi pa? Naknampoodle talaga! Mga paasa! Hmpf!
Heckler
——————————————————————————————————
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

IN THE NEWS…
“Sexting” has made it on the 12th edition of the Oxford English Dictionary or OED. Thanks to the efforts of Tiger Woods and Anthony Weiner.

Personal
The Professional Heckler a.k.a. Loi Reyes Landicho is one of the finalists in the first ever #TattAwards: WordSlayer category. Online voting is ongoing for all 10 categories. Vote now.

Elsewhere
Sexting, retweet and woot added to the Oxford English Dictionary

Nine Scariest Food Facts

Have a great weekend!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

“HELLLOOO!”

Dial M for Manoling:
An Exclusive (Almost) Tell-All Interview
You’ve seen him on TV, heard on the radio and read in the papers. But there’s nothing quite like this conversation. The Professional Heckler asked our guest questions people have been wanting to ask but couldn’t. Read on.

Heckler: Good evening sir.
Manoling: Helloooo!

Heckler: Nagmamadali ba kayo sir? Don’t worry, I only have five questions. This will be short.
Manoling: No, no, no. It’s ok. I prefer it long. Hellooo!

Heckler: Haha Funnier pala kayo sir in person. Akala ko sa TV lang.
Manoling: Depende ta mood ko. I mean sa mood ko. Sorry. Nabulol ako bigla.

Heckler: Unang tanong, ano ho ba talaga ang M sa “Dial M?”
Manoling: Thank you for asking that. Lagi nga akong iniintriga dahil sa letter M na ‘yan eh. Akala ng iba it stands for “Manoling.” May nagsabi pa ngang baka raw “Mahadera” o “Madaya.” That’s preposterous and insulting. Hellloooo! Hindi ako madaya! The program was produced primarily to guide the lotto bettors. The letter M in Dial M stands for “Mananaya.” It was a show of the people, for the people, by the people. Sila ang inspirasyon namin sa programang ito.

Heckler: Tumataya ho ba kayo sa lotto?
Manoling: Hellooooo! For me to bet on the lotto is tantamount to depriving the poor an opportunity for a better life. That’s cruel. Para que pa at nag-host ako ng public service program kung kakalabanin ko ang mahihirap? Do you get the logic hijo?

Heckler: Bakla ho ba kayo?
Manoling: Just a minute hijo. May tumatawag yata sa aking telefono. Hello? Yes, Maggie… Ah no. No, Maggie, ‘di kita puwedeng ilaglag. Yes, yes, Helloooo BFFs remember? Yes… yes. O sige Maggie, bye!

Heckler: Maggie De La Riva sir?
Manoling: Ah, no. That’s Magi Gunigundo, nagkamali ng dial. Kinausap ako…  eh ‘di kinausap ko rin. Tanga lang. By the way, you were asking something about the Senate hearing?

Heckler: Ahm, no sir. Ang question ko po, bakla ho ba kayo?
Manoling: ‘Yan ba talaga ang tanong mo before the phone call? I think hindi ‘yan eh. Can you verify sa ‘yong questionnaire?

Heckler: Ito na lang po: Sino ang ibinoto n’yong presidential candidate noong 2010?
Manoling: Hellooooo! Siyempre si Noynoy!

Heckler: Pero sir, kitang-kita ang ebidensya sa “Dial M.” You were blatantly campaigning for Gilbert Teodoro.
Manoling: Helloooo! It doesn’t necessarily follow. Bakit si Erap? Ikinampanya si Binay sa buong Pilipinas pero hindi niya ibinoto? ‘Tsaka si former President Arroyo! Gibô sa kampanyahan, Villar sa halalan. Hellooo!

Heckler: Baka naman nagpapalusot lang kayo Sir dahil may electioneering case na against you?
Manoling: I’ve said this before and I am saying this now, Dial M was a comedy show, a gag show. We were merely playing our respective roles sa programa. Effective lang talaga ang portrayal namin ni Maggie. Helllloooo!

Heckler: Sir, I heard good swimmer ho kayo. Hypothetical lang po: kung nasa isang papalubog na bangka kayo with Mrs. Margie Juico and Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. Sino ang sasagipin mo?
Manoling: Mali ang research mo hijo. I don’t swim.

Heckler: Sa isang episode ng “Dial M,” na-mention n’yo po na sinungaling si Sen. TG Guingona at si Sen. Chiz naman, mahilig magpa-cute. Ano po bang…
Manoling: Dear Lord! Hindi pa ba tapos ang isyung ‘yan? I have apologized to both of them Mother of Christ! If they’re not satisfied, sige, luluhod ako sa harapan nila. Kahit sabay pa! Sabihin lang nila kung kailan at saan, kung ‘yon lang ang paraan upang mapatawad nila ako, sige luluhod ako!

Heckler: Maiba ho ako. Mainit hong pinag-uusapan ang “Poleteismo” ni Mideo Cruz. Ano ho ang masasabi n’yo sa exhibit na ‘yon?
Manoling: I was shocked and I was offended. It was repugnant. It was repulsive. It was insensitive. Tama ba namang lagyan ng ari ang Kristong Hari? I mean, phallic-worship is not uncommon these days; and I’m not talking about personal experience, pero wala naman sanang bastusan ng religious images and symbols. Nakakapangilabot!

Heckler: Almost 78 na ho kayo. Kumusta ho ang sex life n’yo?
Manoling: Grabe ka naman hijo. Masyado kang judgmental. Si Kuya Germs nga, active pa, ako pa kaya na mas mukhang bata. Let’s leave it at that. Helllooo!

Heckler: Napuntahan n’yo na ba ang Wikipedia? Familiar ho ba kayo do’n?
Manoling: I have heard about it pero sa edad kong ito, nakakapagod nang bumiyahe.
Heckler: Hindi po lugar ‘yon. It’s a free online encyclopedia. Anyway, you were quoted to have said that you “have taken a vow of celibacy.” Are you still a virgin sir?
Manoling: My god! Why are you asking all these questions!? You’re invading my privacy! Helllooo! Just so you know hijo, the last time someone attempted to “invade” my privates, I mean, my privacy, hindi ako nasiyahan. Pinalayas ko! So pleeeease, tama na.

Heckler: Sorry for that Sir. Nabanggit po ninyo sa Senado na hinding-hindi na kayo tatanggap ng kahit anong posisyon sa gobyerno?
Manoling: That’s correct! Never!

Heckler: Eh kung 100 thousand per month ang suweldo?
Manoling: Never!

Heckler: 100 thousand + luxury car?
Manoling: Ayoko!

Heckler: 100 thousand + luxury car + condo unit?
Manoling: ‘Di ko kailangan ang mga ‘yan!

Heckler: 100 thousand + luxury car + condo unit + a date with John Lloyd Cruz and Coco Martin?
Manoling: Anong posisyon ba ‘yong ino-offer?
Heckler: Ay, wala po. Hypothetical lang.
Manoling: Helllooo!
-END OF INTERVIEW-

The Pacquiaos and Paris
Congressman Manny Pacquiao had dinner with socialite and heiress Paris Hilton Tuesday night. My sources say Pacman discussed his stance on poverty, reproductive health, divorce, and religion. The socialite was surprised. Pacman has more ‘positions’ than her.

Top 6 Things Overheard at the Dinner Hosted by the Pacquiaos for Paris Hilton

No. 6: “Drinks ma’am? Juice, iced tea?” “Thanks! But I want a blow job honey!”

No. 5: “Hi Pares. Call me Mommy D for tonight onli. Is this you olredi? Pastilan! Malaswaaaa! Ikaw nga ang babaeng malaswaaa!”

No. 4: “You know what Jinkee, you remind me of my old film. Have you seen ‘House of Wax?’”

No. 3: “So tell me something about your president. Is he cool?”

No. 2: “Paris, this is my friend, Governor Chavit. He’s like your old California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. You know… many wifes. Many childrens.”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the dinner hosted by the Pacquiaos for Paris Hilton…

“I see you in the old movie of yours. Hihihi But it’s dark. I heard onli the ungol. You know what is ungol? It’s like this, ‘Ooohng, oh, oooooohhng. Oh aaahhhh!’ That’s ungol in layman’s term. You know.”

Brothers Arroyo
According to Negros Occidental Rep. Ignacio “Iggy” Arroyo, his brother, former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo did not own the used choppers sold to the PNP. The helicopters, he claimed, were only “leased” to the Arroyo firm, LTA, Inc. Ano ba’ng palagay ng magkapatid na ‘yan sa publiko? Elesi? Eh bakit pinapaikot nila tayo?

The Jose Pidal account then, the controversial choppers today. The younger brother of former First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo is taking up the cudgels for him yet again. Or as Will Smith would say, “Getting Iggy With It.”

GMA Update
According to Dr. Juliet Gopez-Cervantes of the St. Luke’s Medical Center they did not advise former President Arroyo to seek medical treatment abroad. This is contrary to the earlier statement issued by Dr. Raul Lambino.

Setback
A Mandaluyong City judge has issued a 20-day TRO on the enforcement of the MMDA’s no-smoking policy on roads and major thoroughfares. MMDA chairman Francis Tolentino calls it a “setback.” The judge calls it “payday.”
————————————————————————————-
“The younger brother must help to pay for the pleasures of the elder.”
~ Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

Personal
You can still vote for The Professional Heckler a.k.a. Loi Reyes Landicho in the Tatt Awards: Word Slayer category. There are other great finalists in the category, vote for them too. Ten categories, 50 finalists. Vote now!

You Have Spoken
Sa rumor na makikipagkita si Paris Hilton kay Pangulong Aquino, ano ang masasabi mo?
-Sure, why not? Baka makatulong sa turismo at negosyo. 21.63%
-One word: CHEAP! 46.94%
-Wala akong pakialam. 31.43%

Enjoy the rest of the week! Stay healthy.

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

PARIS

Paris and the President
Rumors say socialite, hotel heiress and one-time sex video star Paris Hilton will meet with President Aquino in Malacañang. The rumor has prompted Standard & Poor’s, Moody’s, and Fitch to downgrade the Philippines’ IQ.

Internet reports say Paris Hilton will meet with President Aquino. The heiress and the hairless.

Unconfirmed reports say socialite and hotel heiress Paris Hilton will meet with President Aquino. Paris is planning to advise the President to try the Simple Life.

Malacañang has denied rumors that President Aquino will meet with the famous socialite. He’d rather spend time with his Marlboro lights.

Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda clarified that contrary to initial reports, the President will not meet with Paris Hilton… much to the delight of model Georgina Wilson.

GMA’s Condition
Lawyer Raul Lambino was quoted to have said that doctors have advised former President Arroyo to seek medical treatment abroad. Or as critics would call it, asylum.

Substate
The Moro Islamic Liberation Front has proposed the creation of a Muslim “substate” within the republic. Some analysts believe it is actually feasible. If a “substate” worked for Makati City, it could also work for Mindanao.

Migz and Quiboloy
Davao-based Pastor Apollo Quiboloy of the Kingdom of Jesus Christ the Name Above Every Name has endorsed the appointment of former senator Juan Miguel Zubiri as Tourism secretary. There! He just doomed Zubiri’s chances.

Pastor Apollo Quiboloy praised Migz Zubiri for his “vision” and “charisma” making him a potential successor… to Quiboloy himself.

Remember what Audrey Tan-Zubiri told the media after Migz’ resignation? Audrey said, “We are going to make baby No. 3.” Well, guess what! The other night, the couple tried. Unfortunately, Zubiri did not finish; he quit.
——————————————————————————–
“Wal-Mart… do they like make walls there?”
~Paris Hilton

Quote of the Weak
“I had more panties than shoes. It’s true. I wore black panties. They displayed it and it was good all my panties were black. I had thousands of it.”
- Former First Lady Imelda Marcos

Extra! Extra!
Here’s your bi-monthly horoscope.

Elsewhere…
Biz Buzz: ‘Twisting the truth’

PDI: Imeldific at 82

PDI: I found a tooth in my ice cream

You Have Spoken
Kung tatakbong senador sa 2013 si Migz Zubiri, iboboto mo ba siya?
-Pag-iisipan ko muna. Matagal pa naman. 33.88%
-Definitely not! 33.47%
-OO naman! In fairness, marami siyang nagawa! 32.64%

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Have a great week ahead!

“TARA NA!”

TOURISM SECRETARY Alberto Lim – earlier rumored to be one of three Cabinet members, who had been giving President Aquino a headache, has resigned. Lim was quick to deny though that he copied or got the idea from Migz Zubiri.

Tourism Secretary Bert Lim has resigned for personal reasons. President Aquino has accepted the resignation also for personal reasons.

Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim has stepped down from his post. Some observers believe Lim made a wise decision. After all, he was just serving at the pressure of the President.

Shortly after Secretary Lim announced his resignation, presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda spoke, “Secretary Lim has been a conscientious and highly dedicated member of the President’s official family. He has put in place enduring policy foundations for tourism’s growth and he has done so with tenacity, integrity and vigor.” Ahh, eulogy.

Secretary Lim admitted that one of the reasons why he quit was that he had gotten tired of traveling. He just had enough of it. In fact, for a moment, he had thought of asking Secretary Leila De Lima to place him on the Immigration watch list.

Just last Thursday, Secretary Bert Lim and the Department of Tourism launched a campaign called “Pilipinas, Tara Na!” The next day, Lim left.

Interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Education Secretary Armin Luistro said Cabinet members who attended the August 3 meeting were clueless about Lim’s abrupt resignation. Among other things.

Rumors have been floating that advertising veteran Ramon Jimenez will replace Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim. In fact, Jimenez is reportedly looking forward to taking his oath of office in Mati, Davao Oriental.

In Other News…
An official of the Philippine Olympic Committee says members of the bemedalled Philippine Dragon Boat Federation “should retire.” To which, the public said, “You first.”

President Aquino warmly welcomed the Philippine Dragon Boat Federation in Malacañang Friday. The President told the paddlers, “We will strive to remove politics from sports.” And Peping Cojuangco was like, “Bring it on!”

During their courtesy call, the Dragon Warriors gave President Aquino a signed paddle. The President thanked the paddlers for the gift, which, he said would be useful during cabinet meetings.

ABS-CBN has donated 1 million pesos to the Philippine Dragon Boat Federation. Take that Malacañang!

Largest Human Cross
The University of Sto. Tomas has set the record for the world’s largest human cross. The Guinness World Records announced the good news just days after UST set a national record for the most controversial art exhibit.

Traffic and TV5
A TV5 news crew was reportedly caught violating traffic rules in Pasay City Friday while trailing President Aquino’s convoy. Authorities gave the driver a traffic violation ticket. TV5 says it is now investigating the incident. If found guilty, members of the news crew will be penalized by making them watch reruns of “Babaeng Hampaslupa” 24/7.

Ernie and Bert
Producers of the children’s show Sesame Street has released a statement insisting that Ernie and Bert are just friends and definitely, not gay. They admitted however that Ernie and Bert are fond of Big Bird.
————————————————————————————————
“Traveling makes a man wiser, but less happy.”
~Thomas Jefferson

Quote of the Weak
“This is the first time in the history of Philippine politics that an entire family is persecuted.”
~Ang Galing Pinoy Party-List Rep. Mikey Arroyo

Personal
The Tatt Awards voting is still on. Just click this site and vote for your favorites in the 10 categories. The Professional Heckler is a finalist in the WordSlayer category.

Salamat sa mga walang sawang sumusuporta. Ibinigay ko po ang best ko sa project na ito. Pinaghirapan po namin ito. Thank you Mother Lily sa iyong tiwala. Support everyone. Suportahan po natin ang pelikulang Pilipino. Wait, mali. Pang-Film Fest pala ‘yong linyang ‘yon. Sorry.

You Have Spoken
Sa kontrobersyal na work of art ni Mideo Cruz, ano ang stand mo:
Offensive. Kabastusan. Pag-abuso sa freedom of expression. 55.67%
Nauunawaan ko ang trabaho ng isang artist. Live and let live. 32.51%
Wala akong pakialam. 11.82%

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Good luck to the UP Fighting Maroons! Have a (re)productive weekend! Enjoy!

WATCHLIST

OVER THE PAST 11 months, the Professional Heckler has “outscooped” every major news organization in the country – snagging exclusive interviews with the most fascinating newsmakers: political figures, showbiz personalities, and even inanimate objects! For those who missed, here are six of my favorite conversations (intercepted or otherwise). Balik-tanaw.

May 2011: Krissy/Manny – Kris Aquino’s revealing interview with Cong. Manny Pacquiao on RH Bill, women, and other issues

March 2011: Noynoy vs. Bongbong – The controversial text war between the President and the senator

August 2010: Exclusive! Noynoy Interviews Kris (The most read interview)

August 2010: Exclusive! GMA Breaks Her Silence (The award-winning interview)

January 2011: When It Rains, It Porsche – An Exclusive Interview with President Aquino’s sportscar

August 2010: Introductions – Miss Universe fever hits Malacañang

IN THE NEWS…
Atty. Aquilino “Koko” Pimentel III has been proclaimed senator of the Republic of the Philippines. Next week in the Senate, Pimentel will reportedly make a grand entrance, two weeks after Zubiri’s graceful exit.

Koko Pimentel has been proclaimed senator a week after Miguel Zubiri’s resignation. Koko is hopeful that his father Nene would likewise be proclaimed senator as soon as Senator Enrile quits his post.

Operation
The second operation on former President Arroyo’s spine wasn’t as successful as the first one. Or as Migz Zubiri would say, “Parang 2004 at 2007 elections lang.”

Nail Them
The government is hell-bent on nailing the Arroyos. In fact, the Department of Justice now considers placing even Rufa Mae Quinto on the immigration watch list.

Downgrade
In America, Standard & Poor’s downgraded the US credit rating from AAA to Double A Plus. In the Philippines, devout Catholics downgraded Mideo Cruz’s artwork from “R” to “Triple X Minus.”

President Aquino has spoken against the “Kulo” exhibit at the CCP. The President is reportedly disappointed. He just ordered the DOJ to place Mideo Cruz on immigration watchlist too.

No Show
Former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo snubbed the Senate hearing Thursday. To be fair, he sent the senators a letter detailing his current health condition as drafted by his lawyers at the St. Luke Law Office.

Briefly Noted:
A Poe gave Mike Arroyo a headache in 2004.
A Po is giving him a headache today.
——————————————————————————————
“Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.”
~Christopher Reeve

Briefly Noted Too
“Spice Boys” and “Bright Boys” then, “Lousy Boys” today. The group is composed of Representatives Justin Chipeco, Sonny Angara, and Bem Noel and former congressmen Joel Villanueva, Gilbert Remulla, and Mujiv Hataman.

Lousy name.

Personal
The Professional Heckler a.k.a. Loi Reyes Landicho is a finalist in the first ever Globe #TattAwards – WordSlayer category. To vote for your favorite finalists in the 10 categories, just click here. And thank you to those who have voted. Maraming salamat sa suporta.

You Have Spoken
Makatarungan ba ang desisyong ilagay sa Immigration watchlist si former President Arroyo?
-Dapat lang! Eh kung tumakas? 70.72%
-No need! Sa lagay n’yang ‘yan, ‘di siya makakaalis ‘noh! 16.02%
-Wala akong pakialam. Busy ako. 13.26%

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Enjoy the rest of the week!

“I AM BACK!”

I AM SHARING with you now the final batch of inquiries I got through email. If you’ve got questions yourselves, do not hesitate to ask by following me @HecklerForever on Twitter. I will try to answer your questions as promptly as possible. Thank you.

Here we go…

Dear Professional Heckler,
I am back! You should be ashamed of yourself for peddling lies to the public while I was away, knowing fully well that I could not confront your lies in my absence.
Naghihimutok,
FG

Dear FG,
Bakit ako? ‘Di ba? Kasi tingnan mo o, who will tell me? Who will tell me? Really! Did you guys even tell me about those choppers? Wala eh. Nobody even bothered. Nobody informed. It’s as if you’re waiting for me to just do that: lambast you while you’re away. Dapat i-inform, iinform. I should have been informed. ‘Yon lang ‘yon.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Kapag hindi ako dumalo sa hearing, sasabihin nila, meron akong itinatago. Kapag umattend naman ako, baka atakihin ako sa puso. Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Problemado,
FG

Dear FG,
Ang sipag mong sumulat ah. Wala kang ginagawa ‘no? Anyway, I’m sure, kahit dumalo ka pa sa hearing, meron ka pa ring itatago. You’ll freakin’ invoke your freakin right against freakin self-incrimination. What’s the freakin’ difference? ‘Wag ka na lang dumalo. Kailangan ka namin nang buhay.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sino ba talaga ang may-ari sa akin? ‘Yong Archibald Po o si FG?
Kainis,
Controversial Helicopters

Dear Controversial Helicopters,
Para sa ‘yong impormasyon, ang owner mo ngayon, ‘yong PNP. Sino ang may-ari sa ‘yo? Mali ka! Ang dapat na tanong: sino’ng kumita?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Dapat ko bang ipa-feng shui ang Room 512 na dating kuwarto ni Migz sa Senado? You know, for good luck.
Padayon,
Koko

Dear Koko,
Ipina-feng shui na rin ‘yan ni Migz noon. Apparently, four years lang ang bisa ng suwerte. Hindi naman kasi hawak ng feng shui ang iyong kapalaran. Hawak ito ng election operators and canvassers. Sila ang dapat mong ipa-feng shui.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
After ng bakasyon namin ni Audrey, wala na akong gagawin. That’s what I fear most – boredom. Help!
Worried,
Migz

Dear Migz,
Since very close ka naman sa Team Azkals, why not try out for the team? Mestizo ka rin naman. Ayaw mo ba no’n? From Senate to soccer. Astig pare!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?
Answer me!
Senator Alan Peter

Dear Senator Alan Peter,
Talagang pinatugtog mo si Diana Ross sa Senate floor? Gano’ng level na ba ang mga mambabatas ngayon? I cannot imagine Senator Jovito Salonga trying to pull off the same stunt. Ang cheap huh!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
I never thought that a person of my stature would someday commit a stupid mistake and apologize to Mike Arroyo. Ano ang dapat kong gawin sa subordinate na nag-feed sa akin ng wrong Immigration info: suspindehin o sibakin?
Napahiya,
Madam Leila

Dear Madam Leila,
Itinatanong po ninyo kung dapat suspindehin o sibakin? Neither! Turuan n’yo na lang po ng tamang spelling. Ang tanga-tanga lang nila, sa totoo lang. Embarrassing!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hindi ko na ‘to kinakaya. Kinasuhan na ako ng electioneering. My God! What is happening?!
Ayoko na!
Manoling

Dear Manoling,
‘k.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Nang lumabas ang aking interview sa “Showbiz Central” ng GMA7 last month, grabe ring insulto ang inabot ko online. Nilait-lait ako sa mga social networking sites. Nag-trend din ako sa Twitter worldwide at nasaktan rin ang aking pamilya. Pero bakit ni isa sa inyo, walang pumiyok at nagsabing may nagaganap na cyber-bullying? Bakit walang nag-raise ng isyu ng social media excess? Bakit?
Naiiyak,
Amanda C

Dear Amanda C,
Summa cum laude ka ba? UP Law ka ba? Dati ka bang opisyal ng University Student Council sa State University? Nagre-review ka ba ngayon for the bar exams? Lumusong ka ba sa baha at lumutang ang kotse habang eksklusibong kinukunan ng isang TV reporter? Kung hindi, ‘wag ka nang magtaka. Life’s unfair. I’m sure, familiar ka rin naman sa terminong ‘double standard,’ right?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sino na po ang dini-date ngayon ng ating Pangulo? May update ba kayo sa kanyang lovelife?
Intrigera lang,
Tarcila

Dear Tarcila,
Kasi naman, pinansin pa ng media. Ayan tuloy, hindi na niya binabanggit ang lovelife niya sa kanyang speeches. Mag-aminan na tayo! Nami-miss mo ang tsismis ‘no?
Heckler
P.S. May alam ka ba? Itext mo naman.

Dear Professional Heckler,
Wala kaming incentives na makukuha sa government dahil ayon sa Philippine Sports Commission (PSC) hindi raw kami national athletes. Anong masasabi mo?
Champs,
Philippine Dragon Boat Team

Dear Philippine Dragon Boat Team,
Hindi man kayo national athletes, national pride naman kayo! Sabihin n’yo sa mga opisyal ng PSC, “isaksak n’yo sa baga n’yo ang incentives n’yo!”
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Kamakalawa po ay nagkaroon ng hearing sa Senado tungkol sa illegal trade ng mga tukô. Nagulat po ako nang makita ko sa TV na may mga buháy na tukông dinala sa Senado. Ano po ang unang reaksyon ng mga senador nang makita ang mga ‘yon?
Wala lang,
Aling Budang

Dear Aling Budang,
Isa lang ang naging reaksyon ng mga senador nang makita ang mga tukô. Sabi nila: “Welcome to the Senate ‘kapamilya!’”
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Your pathetic UP bias aside, do you think we could sweep the second round of the UAAP cage wars for a 14-0 win-loss slate?
One Big Fight,
Kiefer & Slaughter

Dear Kiefer & Slaughter,
Whatever!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Patahimikin n’yo na ako! Please lang. Ilibing n’yo na ako!
Nagmamakaawa,
Ferdie Macoy

Dear Ferdie Macoy,
Fault ko? Fault kong nasa freezer pa rin ang katawang lupa mo??? Sorry ka na lang dahil choosy ang pamilya mo!
Heckler
—————————————————————————————
“Falling ill is not something that happens to us, it is a choice we make as a result of things happening to us.”
~Jonathan Miller

Personal
Thank you so much for the nomination. The Professional Heckler is one of the finalists in the Globe T@tt Awards: WordSlayer category. You may visit the official site to vote for your favorites. Bahala na kayo. Malalaki na kayo. Sabi nga ni Zenaida Seva, meron kayong free will, gamitin n’yo ito. Mabuhay!

You Have Spoken
Umabuso raw ang users ng social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc) sa pag-handle sa insidenteng kinasangkutan ni Christopher Lao. Your take:
-Excuse me. We’re just expressing our views, our thoughts on what happened. 50.45%
-Agree ako. Dapat isipin muna kung ano ang ating isusulat o ipopost. Baka nakakasakit na tayo. 30%
-Sino si Christopher Lao? 19.55%

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Have fun!

FYI

BEFORE YOU read any further, I would like to INFORM you that some of the items on this blog may not please you. Should you decide to read on, and realize later that this wasn’t amusing enough, please do not blame me, the bystanders, the MMDA or the reporter who recommended you this site. You’ve been warned.

De Lima Apologizes
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima apologized to First Gentleman Mike Arroyo for declaring that he did not go through immigration when he left the country last Sunday. De Lima lamented, “I wasn’t fully informed! It’s as if Immigration people were waiting for me to do just that: commit a mistake!”

Earlier last week, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima told the media that the Bureau of Immigration has no record of Attorney Arroyo leaving for Hong Kong last Sunday. In fact, prior to the discovery of the Immigration Bureau’s spelling error, the DOJ announced six new witnesses to prove that Arroyo did not go through immigration.

Immediately after learning that a subordinate fed the wrong information on Attorney Arroyo’s trip to Hong Kong, Justice Secretary De Lima apologized. To prove her sincerity, De Lima has placed the subordinate on the immigration watch list.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima said, “If the first gentleman is seeking for my apology then I’m humbly doing it.” To which Hubert Webb said, “Eh sa ‘kin, kailan?”

Japan Meeting
A secret meeting was recently held in Tokyo, Japan between Moro Islamic Liberation Front chair Al Haj Murad Ebrahim and the new chairman of the government peace panel, Benigno Simeon Aquino III.

Reports say the President’s trip to Japan was unannounced and unofficial. It was so secret the Bureau of Immigration has no record of his departure.

This just in: Malacañang has denied rumors that President Aquino secretly left last night for Utrecht, The Netherlands.

Lao & Order
Much has been said about last week’s Internet sensation, Christopher Lao. The UP Law graduate has already apologized… earning praise from friends who believe that he could be Justice Secretary someday.

Campaigns
GMA News is promoting the responsible use of social media through its campaign called “Think Before You Click.” Meanwhile, the MMDA will soon promote the responsible use of cars through its campaign called “Think Before You Drive… Through A Flood.”

August Weather
PAGASA says two to three tropical cyclones are expected to enter the Philippine Area of Responsibility this month. Flashfloods and landslides are possible. People are advised to avoid low-lying zones, flood-prone areas, and Jun Veneracion.

The Christopher Lao Incident: How they reacted

President Aquino: “Kung puwede lang ho sana ay ibalato n’yo na lang kay Mr Lao ang konting privacy na natitira sa kanya.”

Manny Pacquiao: “Nasa Baybul kasi ‘yun. Sabi sa Mateo Kapitulu Katursi, Bersikulu Binti-Singku: Nang madaling araw na’y sumunod sa kanila si Hisus na naglalakad sa ibabaw ng tubig!” Now you know! Nasa Baybul sabi eh.”

Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri: “For honor and dignity.”

President Arroyo: “He did what’s right, he did what’s best, and God took care of the resht.”

Virgilio Garcillano: “Bakit?!? Inamin ba ni Christopher Lao na siya ang nasa video? Ang totoo n’yan… spliced ang video!”

Atty. Edwin Lacierda: “At the end of the day, what’s important is he survived the ordeal.”

Bishop Teodoro Bacani: “Kadiri!”

Atty. Mike Arroyo: “This is plain and simple persecution. You are persecuting him!”

Sharon Cuneta: “Wala pong duda mga kaibigan, he is the biggest loser.”

Kris Aquino: “Gosh, shocked talaga ako sa video. I was like… OMG! He’s kinda cute pa naman! Promise! Aha-ha-ha! Ayoko na ngang mag-comment. Baka mag-react na naman si James at sabihing malandi ako. Wait! Bettina, can you ask Boy if puwedeng iguest ‘tong Lao na ‘to sa Bottomline next week!? I swear, magri-rate to!”

Amanda Coling: “Hindi ko po sinasabing mali o tama ang ginawa ni Christopher Lao. Kung pwede po sana, ayoko munang pag-usapan kung anuman ang nangyari.”

Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos: “Dear Congresswoman Arroyo, Christopher Lao really needs a brand new car, possibly a 4 x 4. On his behalf, I will be anticipating your favorable response on this regard.”

Shocking Zubiri
Some people are still in shock after Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri’s resignation. Arguably, he was last week’s biggest newsmaker. What’s more remarkable was the fact that he made news without even trying to drive through a flooded street.

The Arroyos
Good news for the former First Gentleman who’s still in Hong Kong: his wife, the former president has been discharged from St. Luke’s Medical Center Friday. In even better news for FG, Mrs. Arroyo was advised to rest her voice for at least a week.

Suicide
According to a study on suicides conducted by Maria Theresa Redaniel, May Antonnette Lebanan-Dalida, David Gunnell, the most common reasons for self harm in the Philippines were family and relationship problems. In number 2 was the government’s anti-corruption witch-hunt.

UPCAT 2011
Some 70,000 high school seniors, perhaps the largest batch in history, took the UP College Admission Test. The five-hour examination consists of subtests on language proficiency, mathematics, science, reading comprehension… and just for this batch, common sense.

Overseas…
US President Barack Obama celebrated his 50th birthday recently. He started the day by personally renewing his license at the LTO.
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“Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.”
~C.E.Stowe

You Have Spoken
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa pagbibitiw ni Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri?
-Isang kapuri-puring hakbang. Mabuhay ka! 28.67%
-Guilty kasi! Graceful exit lang ‘yan. 50%
-Wala akong pakialam. Mababa pa rin ang suweldo ko. 21.33%

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Have a safe, sexy, and productive week ahead!

QUIZTION!

Quarterly Quiz
Test your knowledge of current events. No Googling please! Don’t cheat. Politicians hate competition. Good luck!

1: “If it’s a fight he wants, a fight he will get.” Sino ang nagbitiw ng linyang ito earlier this week?
A: Sen. Tito Sotto to Sen. Kiko Pangilinan kaugnay ng 2004 election fraud
B: Albay Gov. Joey Salceda to DOST Sec. Graciano Yumul matapos panindigan ng PAGASA na tama ang weather forecast nila sa Albay
C: Twitter War II: Patutsada ni Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay, a staunch-Arroyo ally kay Sec. Ricky Carandang
D: Former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo to Sen. Panfilo Lacson matapos ibunyag ng senador ang umano’y maanomalyang bentahan ng helicopter sa PNP

2: Malacañang defended President Aquino’s recent appointment of Lt. Gen. Gaudencio Pangilinan as new director of the Bureau of Corrections. Si Pangilinan ay nahaharap sa kasong pandarambong o plunder. Ano ang depensa ni palace spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda?
A: “It’s the president’s prerogative to appoint people that he trusts.”
B: “Kung inyong mapapansin, mga miyembro lang naman ng oposisyon ang nag-iingay laban sa appointment ni General Pangilinan.”
C: “He is presumed innocent until proven guilty.”
D: “Eh ‘di magsumbong kayo sa lolo n’yong panot.”

3: Sino ang pinakamataas ng pinuno ng Commission on Higher Education o CHEd?
A: Weh? May CHEd pa pala?!? ‘Di nga?!?
B: Atty. Julito Vitriolo
C: Seryosong tanong ba ‘yan? May CHEd pa ba talaga?
D: Dr. Patricia Licuanan

4: “Kasi tingnan mo o, who will tell me? Who will tell me? Really! Did you guys even tell me? Wala eh. Nobody even stopped. Nobody informed. It’s like people were waiting for somebody to just do that. Bakit ako? ‘Di ba? Dapat i-inform, i-inform! I should have been informed, ‘yun lang ‘yun!” Sino ang nagsabi nito?
A: Malay ko! We don’t have people like that in our school. Go Ateneo! One Big Fight!
B: Ayokong sagutin! Eh kung maakusahan ako ng bullying?
C: I don’t know! Nobody informed me who that is.
D: Isa lang ang masasabi ko. Mananalo ang UP against UST on Sunday! Let’s go UP!

5: Sa kanyang State of the Nation Address, nabanggit ni Pangulong Aquino ang pangalang “Ginang Escasa.” Sino siya?
A: Dating OFW na umuwi, nagnegosyo, at nagtagumpay
B: Dati niyang teacher
C: Dating Pagcor employee turned whistleblower (P1-B coffee)
D: Dati niyang crush na nag-asawa na

6: Kung hahanapin mo ang babaeng nasa larawan, saan mo siya posibleng matagpuan?
A: St. Luke’s Medical Center
B: Office of the Communications Group
C: PCSO Office
D: ABS-CBN Newsroom

7: Kumpletuhin ang tweet ni palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda kamakailan: “_____________ is a liar then, he is a liar now.”
A: Garci
B: Genuino
C: FG
D: Bedol

8: Kababalik lamang ni Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez sa kaniyang bansa matapos itong sumailalim sa chemoteraphy. Where?
A: North Korea
B: Japan
C: Cuba
D: Brazil

9: Sa balitang napamahal ang bili niya sa kanyang bagong property sa Forbes Park, Makati City, ano ang reaksyon ni Cong. Manny Pacquiao?
A. “Ipapagpasa-Diyos ko na lang.”
B: “Kung nalamangan ako, eh di kasalanan ko na nagpalamang ako!”
C: “Intriga lang ‘yan. Hindi totoo ‘yan.”
D: “Pera lang naman ‘yan. Kikitain ko pa rin naman.”

10: Ayon sa 2011 Forbes Billionaires list, sino ang pinakamayamang Pilipino?
A: Lucio Tan
B: John Gokongwei Jr.
C: Jaime Zobel De Ayala
D: Henry Sy

11: Sino sa mga sumusunod ang may misis na former Bb. Pilipinas-Universe?
A: Atty. Koko Pimentel
B: Sen. Migz Zubiri
C: Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV
D: Atty. Edwin Lacierda

12: Kung gusto mong makausap ang lalaki sa larawan, sino ang dapat mong tawagan?
A: Amanda Coling
B: Nora Aunor
C: Charo Santos
D: Vice Ganda
————————————————————————-
“Yes, there are times when something is legitimately not our fault. Blaming others, however, keeps us in a stuck state and is ultimately rough on our own self-esteem.”
- Eric Allenbaugh

Enjoy your weekend!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

To the UP Fighting Maroons, good luck on your game against UST on Sunday! UP Fight!

EX-SENAtor

SENATOR JUAN MIGUEL ZUBIRI has resigned. Or as the Senate Electoral Tribunal would call it, “saving face.”

Sen. Migs Zubiri has decided to quit his post amid allegations of fraud in the 2007 elections. Again, election fraud. Not sex scandal. Take that America!

Senator Zubiri has resigned. Lintang Bedol,1 ; Zaldy Ampatuan,1 ; Mike Arroyo, 0.

In a privilege speech Wednesday, Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri enumerated his accomplishments as a legislator. The public got confused. Was he resigning his post or campaigning for 2013?

A week after President Aquino’s SONA, Senator Zubiri delivered the SOMA: State of Migs Address.

After Zubiri’s privilege speech, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile said, “never had I thought that I would witness today a show of moral courage.” So did we.

Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile added it was the first time a senator has resigned under such circumstances. Actually, you had the chance Manong Johnny in 1995. Hindi mo lang ginawa.

Senator Zubiri ended his speech by paraphrasing a quote from General Douglas Macarthur: “I am not actually retreating; I am merely advancing in another direction.” Like where? Bukidnon capitol?

Before Senator Zubiri ended his privilege speech, he thanked every member of the Senate – from both the majority and the minority blocs. And then he realized two things: one, he didn’t really have any enemy, and two, Lito Lapid was still a senator. (Akalain mo ‘yon!)

After Zubiri’s privilege speech, “Koko Pimentel” and “Enrile” became top trending topics worldwide. Surprisingly, “Migs Zubiri” did not trend despite Mike Arroyo’s instruction to Twitter “na zero tweets ang dapat makuha nina Koko at Enrile.”

In a privilege speech Wednesday, Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri announced his resignation from his post. It was an emotional speech that began with the line, “First, I was afraid I was petrified…”

Audrey Tan Zubiri, wife of Senator Migs was quoted to have said, “I’m very proud of my husband. Pinatunayan niyang isa siyang tunay na lalaki at kayang gawin ang tama, kahit gaano kahirap.” She wasn’t talking about his decision to marry her, was she?

Sen. Migs Zubiri has resigned. Rumors say he will focus on his hosting career. His show “The Explorer” will be revived. But it will now be called, “The Ex-Senator.”

The Speech
What Sen. Miguel Zubiri told us
(And what he really wanted to say)

“My rival took advantage of this political situation.”
(Masyado kang atat maupo Koko Pimentel!)

“Sa harap ng Diyos at sa harap ng tao ay nais kong pagtibayin na hindi ako nandaya. At wala akong kinausap upang mandaya para sa akin sa halalan.”
(Kasalanan mong lahat ito Mike Arroyo! Punyeta ka!)

“Ang lahat ng akusasyon laban sa akin ay pawang walang katotohanan.”
(Next time, kung ‘di ako humihingi ng pabor sa inyo Ginoong Arroyo at Ginoong Ebdane, ‘wag kayong mag-vo-volunteer! Mga hinayupak kayo!)

“In my family’s almost 30 years of public service in Bukidnon, not once has our name been dragged in any election controversy.”
(‘Pag may dynasty, walang kalaban, walang dayaan!)

“Isang paglilingkod na aking maipagmamalaki na walang bahid dungis.”
(Kitang-kita naman ang pruweba ‘di ba? Flawless!)

“Hindi ako umabuso o nagpayaman sa aking katungkulan.”
(Ipinanganak akong rich. Fault ko?)

“Hindi ako nagkaroon ng maraming bodyguard o “back up” o gumamit ng anumang ‘wang wang’ kahit noong ako ay Kongresista pa lamang.”
(Wala lang. Nakiki-uso. ‘Yan ang in eh. Bakit ba?!)

“Hindi po ako napagod sa paglilingkod sa inyo.”
(Pero napagod ako sa kakasulat ng rejoinder sa columns ni John Nery ng Inquirer.)

“… without admitting any fault and with my vehement denial of the alleged electoral fraud hurled against me…”
(Malinis ang kunsensya ko.)

“I am submitting my resignation as a duly elected Senator of the Republic of the Philippines…”
(Masaya na kayo?)

“After all, I am a husband first before a Senator.”
(Ba’t ba ‘di n’yo matanggap na may asawa ako!?)

“And as I now pronounce my joining the civil society, it is my humble prayer that this Institution allows me to resign with honor and dignity.”
(After four years, delicadeza! Sa’n ka pa?)

Quote of the Weak
“I am submitting my RESIGNATION as a duly elected Senator of the Republic of the Philippines in the election for which I am FALSELY accused without mercy and compassion.”
~Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri

Helicopters
The former First Gentleman is being implicated in yet another anomaly. But his classmates and friends from high school are not worried. In their senior year, Mike Arroyo was voted, “most likely to get away with everything.”

Former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo has denied ownership of two helicopters that were sold to the PNP for $700,000. Let me guess. Iggy Arroyo’s?

Reports say the Senate will invite former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo to the next hearing… prompting the management of St. Luke’s Medical Center to prepare the hospital’s executive suite.
——————————————————————-
“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.”
~William Safire

Who is Christopher Lao?
As i write this, he is one of the top trending topics on Twitter worldwide!
Meet Christopher Lao, summa cum Laude, UP, BA Philosophy, GWA 1.169. USC Vice Chair 2005-2006
Classic ka! Classic! Tinalo mo pa ang Nescafé!
I just hated how you reacted man!

This just in/Aug 4,2011: Christopher Lao has released a statement. Part of his statement reads:
“I have been silent the past few days as I want this to go away soon but not before saying sorry and thank you to people who matter. I would like to apologize for my behavior that was seen on nationwide television and now on the internet.”

That’s what we wanted to hear. Apology accepted. UP Fight!

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: History of Senate resignations

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Enjoy the rest of the week. Have fun. Ingat!

SUCCESS!

FORMER PRESIDENT Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s surgery was successful. It was so successful,the First Gentleman was reminded of the 2005 Batasan break-in.

Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s cervical spine surgery was successful. St. Luke’s Medical Center was quick to deny though that former PNP director general and now Zambales Governor Hermogenes Ebdane was involved in the operation.

The surgery that lasted four grueling hours reportedly involved placing implants in Mrs. Arroyo’s cervical spine. Asked to describe that particular ordeal, Mrs. Arroyo said, “It was a breast-taking experience.”

Hello, Garci!
Zaldy Ampatuan has spoken. Lintang Bedol has surfaced. Senior Supt. Rafael Santiago has spilled the beans. It could have been the year’s biggest blockbuster. Unfortunately, the fourth avenger, Virgilio Garcillano backed out of the project. Sayang!

In a press conference at his residence in Baungon, Bukidnon province Saturday, Virgilio Garcillano insisted that the “Hello Garci” recording was spliced… prompting former palace spokesman Ignacio Bunye to deny that he coached the former election official.

Virgilio Garcillano denied that he was in hiding. He was just running away from Anthony Taberna.

DUE TO INSISTENT public demand, I am reprinting excerpts from the purported bugged conversation allegedly between then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and then, Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:43)
Female: Hello, Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: Shabi ko, hello Garshi! Hindi mo ba ako narinig!?
Garshi: Pizza Hut po ito ma’am.
Female: Ay shorry.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:46)
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Pastilan! Ano bang kailangan mo? Pera na naman?!?@!$

Female: Gushto mong mawalan ng trabaho? Baka nakakalimutan mong ako ang nag-appoint sha ‘yo sha Comelec!?
Garshi: Ay sorry ma’am, akala ko asawa ko. Bale, mas mataas ho ngayon si FPJ. Pero pagdating ng Lanao, maco-compensate naman ho.

Female: So, I will shtill lead by one million?
Garshi: Parang ganun na nga ma’am ang lalabas.
Female: It cannot be less than 1 million, you know that.
Garshi: Pipilitin natin ma’am. As of the other day 982 thousand.
Female: Kaya nga. If we can get more from Lanao…
Garshi: May darating pa raw pong seven municipalities.
Female: Ok… ok Magpapamashahe lang ako kasi sumashakit ang leeg ko then tawagan na lang kita ulit.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:43)
Female: Hello, Ben.
Ben: Hello, ma’am.

Female: Ano nang lagay natin? Mananalo ba?
Ben: Panalong-panalo ma’am! Pero kailangan nating pumunta ng Hainan para pirmahan ang contract with ZTE. Isang round of golf lang, aprubado na ‘to.
Female: Anong pinagshashabi mo d’yan! 2004 pa lang ngayon. Sa 2007 pa mangyayari ‘yan.
Ben: Ay sorry ma’am. Na-excite lang ako. Tatanong ko ho muna kay Bedol.
Female: Huwag mashyadong atat sa tongpats ok? Shige, will call you back.

(Conversation between a male and a female, June 10, 2004, 13:40)
Female: Hello, Garshi?
Male: Wala! Tulog! Umalis!

Female: Shino ‘to?
Male: Ikaw ang tumawag ‘tapos tatanungin mo kung sino ‘to? Helleeer?!!!
Female: I am shorry. Shiguro naman sha dami ng letter esh sa sentensh na ito, shuper giveaway na kung shino ako.
Male: Mrs. President??? Sus, ginoo! Pasensya na po! Hindi ko kayo nabosesan agad. Daaaaaaaddy, si Ma’am nasa telepono.

Garshi: Hello, ma’am? Sorry po, naglaro ng Snake ang asawa ko sa aking cellphone.
Female: Nag-usap na ba kayo ni Abalosh?
Garshi: Oo ma’am. Mamasyal daw muna ako sa Mindanao.
Female: May problema daw kasi sa South Upi. Iba raw ang pinroclaim.
Garshi: Hindi ho ako ang may hawak doon.
Female: Puntahan mo na. Kashi ang balita ko shi Fernando Poe gumagapang na naman doon.
Garshi: Napiktyuran ho ba habang gumagapang?
Female: Tanga! ‘Yong boto ang ibig kong sabihin. Masyado kang literal!
Garshi: Sige ma’am.
Female: Garshi…
Garshi: Ma’am?
Female: What are you wearing?
Garshi: Malaswaaa!
Female: Jussssh kidding! Tatawag ulit ako. Pumunta ka na sa Mindanao.

(Conversation between two females, June 14, 2004, 15:56)
Female 1: Hello Garshi?
Female 2: Sino Garci iyo tawag? Hindi ako Garci. Ikaw mali dial!

Female 1: Shorry, ahm, shino ‘to?
Female 2: Si Vicki ‘toh!
(Female 1 ibinato ang Nokia 7650. ‘Buti na lang sa sofa bumagsak)

(Conversation between a male and a female, June 16, 2004, 14:49)
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: ‘Yong kabila raw, they’re trying to get the Namfrel copies of the municipal COCs.
Garshi: Wala ‘yon ma’am. Ok naman ang Namfrel sa atin. They’re now sympathetic to us.
Female: Pero does Namfrel match our tally?
Garshi: Oho.
Female: Sure ka? Paano ‘yong dagdag? ‘Yong dagdag?
Garshi: Ahm, we will get an advance copy para ma-remedyo.
Female: Ok, oo. Sige. Kumain ka na ba? Nagpahinga ka na?
Garshi: Sige ho ma’am, baka kung saan na naman mapunta ‘yan.
Female: Ok, ok. Shige.

And finally…
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: Balita ko lalabash ka raw. Puwede ba nating pag-ushapan ‘yan?
Garshi: Nagbago na ho ang isip ko ma’am. Don’t worry.
Female: Ahhh, gano’n ba? Shige, pag successhful ang surgery ko bukas, may bonus ka sa akin.
Garshi: Sige ma’am. Get well soon po.
Female: Ok, ok.
(Conversation between a male and female recorded just last Thursday, July 28, 2011, 14:49)

Gecko Trade
The Senate committee on trade and commerce has begun its probe into the reported massive trading of tukô or geckos in the country. Among the invited resource persons were LTO Chief Virginia Torres and Kalookan City Mayor Recom Echeverri.

Tropical Storm
According to PAGASA, tropical storm Kabayan will exit the country on Wednesday. Asked if Kabayan could possibly return, PAGASA replied, “Depends on the offer of ABS-CBN.”

New Project
Nora Aunor is doing a drama series on TV5 and the network is reportedly looking for a leading man. Taking into consideration her “history,” TV5 is torn between Albie CASINO and Johnny Walker.
———————————————————————–
“A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future.”
~Author Unknown

Today in History
August 1, 2009: At the age of 76, former President Corazon Aquino died. And Noynoy Aquino’s political career lived.

Personal
To our Muslim brothers, Ramadan Kareem! Kul ‘am wa enta bi-khair!

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang ilipat from June to September ang opening ng classes upang makaiwas sa bagyo??
-OO. Dapat matagal nang ginawa ‘yan. 48.79%
-NO. Ok na ‘tong ganito. Puwede namang mag-suspend eh. 45.16%
-Pag-iisipan ko. 6.05%

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Have a great week ahead!