ACCORDING TO THE PRESIDENT

26 07 2011

SICK. Former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is still confined at the St. Luke’s Medical Center in Taguig City where she was admitted yesterday, July 25. But a reliable source told the Professional Heckler the Pampanga representative was fine. What happened Monday was just a “hospital arrest drill.”

This just in: Physicians at the St. Luke’s Medical Center have advised Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to undergo surgery to repair her damaged cervical spine. They also advised newly-appointed Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales to be patient.

SONA 2011
President Noynoy Aquino delivered his second State of the Nation Address Monday at the SMART-Batasang Pambansa Complex.

Looking dapper and relaxed, President Aquino delivered a 53-minute speech: no drama, no frills, no fanfare, no RH Bill, no Hacienda Luisita, no Freedom of Information Bill, and no economic roadmap.

Puwede na rin.

And for once, there was no joke about his love life. Congratulations!

Defying expectations, President Aquino delivered a State of the Nation Address, not State of the Nation & Arroyo.

Still, the President lambasted the sale of used helicopters owned by the former First Family to the Philippine National Police. Monitoring the SONA at home, the Arroyos exercised ‘maximum tolerance.’

According to the President, the present administration has uncovered anomalies in the state gaming firm PAGCOR. The biggest of which was the botched attempt to convert PAGCOR into Starbucks.

Reports say the President’s speech lasted 53 minutes. Or as former PAGCOR executives would say, eternity.

In an apparent reference to the rift with the Chinese over the Spratly Islands, President Aquino said, “Ang sa Pilipinas ay sa Pilipinas!” And Harry K. Thomas was like, “That’s mah boy!”

President Aquino declared, “Our message to the world is clear: What is ours is ours.” In short, we, Filipinos are not afraid of you, we will not be cowed, and we will fight to the end. I hope that’s clear… Vietnam!

The President said, “Our message to the world is clear: What is ours is ours.” At that moment, the Chinese ambassador called Beijing and said, “Melon ba iskedyul sunod bitay drug mule? Huwak kayo bagal. Ako inip na.”

The President added, “Kapag tumapak ka sa Recto Bank, para ka na ring tumapak sa Recto Avenue.” Tama! Lalo na kapag malakas ang ulan.

In his SONA, President Aquino extended the olive branch to the bishops! Talk about saving Margie Juico’s ass!

President Aquino thanked Roman Catholic bishops and priests in his speech. Say goodbye to the RH Bill!

President Aquino also called on Filipinos “to unite for progress.” To which Filipinos replied, “Samar & Balay first.”

The President said, “If you see something right, do not think twice—praise it.” After the SONA, some people approached Sen. Gringo Honasan and praised him.

President Aquino added, “If you see a policeman directing traffic, go to him and say, ‘Thank you.’” But better be ready with a valid excuse for violating laws on jaywalking.

He also said, “Before you leave school for home, approach your teacher who chose to invest in your future—say, ‘Thank you.’” But never, ever say “No, thanks” to her ‘special tocino.’

The President also advised, “If you chance upon your local leader on a road that was once riddled with holes, but is now smooth and sturdy—go to him and say, ‘Thank you, for the change you have brought.’” But never, ever add, “Magkano ba’ng kinita nating komisyon sir?”

On Negativism
“Let us stop pulling our fellow man down.” – Sabi ni Erap: “Ako ‘yon!”
“Let us put an end to our crab mentality.” – Sabi ni Gloria: “Shino ‘yon?”
“Let us make the effort to recognize the good that is being done.” – Sabi ni Noynoy: “Ehem.”

The President promised to include in his agenda the development of PTV Channel 4. Take that IBC 13!

President Aquino vowed to develop government station PTV 4. Sorry to disappoint you Manoling Morato but there’s no truth to rumors that Dial M will be revived.

Briefly Noted: President Aquino’s speech was interrupted 48 times by guests applauding… and twice by coughing.

Reacting to the President’s State of the Nation Address, Senator Pia Cayetano said, “Nagustuhan ko sana kung mas may lalim.” Apparently, Pia missed that part where the President mentioned “West Philippine Sea.”

Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri did not attend President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address… which I believe, was a wrong decision since Monday’s SONA could probably be his last as a member of the Senate.

Trivia: President Noynoy Aquino was the first Philippine president to deliver his SONA entirely in Filipino. So, to the President’s critics who insist that he has not accomplished or achieved anything at all, take that!

Word of the Week
WANG-WANG: Anything nega.
To use in sentences:
– Dahil sa kaka-wang-wang sa pera ng bayan, winangwang ng karamdaman ang dating pangulo.
– “Tara sa Pagcor, coffee tayo.” “Ayoko nga! ‘Yong perang ipinambili n’yan, winangwang mula sa pondo ng gobyerno!”
– Sa kabila ng kanyang pag-iyak sa telebisyon, marami ang naniniwalang hindi winangwang ng ilang members ng Team Azkals si Amanda Coling.
——————————————————————
“When you make speeches, you elicit expectations against which you will be held accountable.”
~Bill Bradley

Quote of the Weak
“I look like a garden!”
~Pampanga Fourth District Rep. Anna York Bondoc describing her SONA 2011 attire

Elsewhere
President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address both in Filipino and in English

SONA 2011 Fashion: Soaring or Boring?

Philippine Daily Inquirer: LeBron James’ agents asked for $600,000 to play in Manila

Stay safe! Enjoy the rest of the week!

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66 responses

26 07 2011
mimi

waley may dry cough pa rin si PNOY, madala kaya ng ascof or bisolvon yun?

26 07 2011
etchosera

Dahon ng talampunay ang kelangan nya. Pakuluan nya tapos inumin. Wag ding itapon ang pinakuluang dahon, ilagay nya sa bumbunan nya, effective hair grower yan, pramis…..para madagdagan naman ang labintatlong natitirang buhok nya.

O di ba? It’s like hitting two balls and one bird at the same time.

Saan ka pa?

26 07 2011
hikatalomato

why fart and waste it,
when you can burp and taste it

27 07 2011
senior60

alin ba mauna hikata, burp or taste…

oooopsss etchos, maghunosdili ka….

26 07 2011
ACCORDING TO THE PRESIDENT « The Professional Heckler | Pnoy Talks

[...] the original post: ACCORDING TO THE PRESIDENT « The Professional Heckler This entry was posted in Gloria, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and tagged gloria, macapagal, [...]

26 07 2011
Chris Velasco

ganyan talaga kapag walang trabaho sa bansa mo, find jobs overseas! Kobe and company ang mga bagong bayani!

26 07 2011
danny

…hay, sana lng maka-move on na ang aming mahal na presidente ng Pilipinas at magsimula nang mag-lay out ng solid at structured foundation ng kaniyang mga economic recovery programs.

…tutal nman law will always take its course pra panagutin, kung meron mang dapat managot, ang lahat ng mga may kasalanan. tignan nyo nga si PGMA nagkakasakit na sa kakaisip sa mga demanda laban sa kaniya.

27 07 2011
Paul

Nature seems to agree with you with the earthquake, storm, flooding and landslides that immediately followed the SONA

26 07 2011
markpere2010

Ang angas naman po ng agents ni LBJ to ask for $600K just to play here in Manila. Bakit, has he ever won an NBA title? I’m sure even those living in Cleveland will not even pay a dime to see him. :-P

Naaalala ko pa po yung sunod-sunod na TV ads ni Efraim Genuino dati for Batang Iwas Droga. Akala ko po project yun ng PAGCOR, yun pala, party-list na sya pa yata ang nominee. Isa pang kapal-muks!

http://rightonthemark.wordpress.com/ :-)

26 07 2011
professionalheckler

LeBron = Starlet. Walang karapatang magdemand. For someone na ang fan base sa Pilipinas ay kuwestyunable, hindi muna dapat nagdedemand/

26 07 2011
rojan88

hahaha. patay tayo nyan kay tomas jr. pag nabasa nya to tiyak maagrereact un. hehehehe. pero ang kapal nga nman talga ng mukha nya kung sina Kobe nga 400k ang bayad sa kanya gusto nya 600k? ‘The Nerve’ (past blog mo yan diba…plugging). lol

27 07 2011
markpere2010

I agree, Mr PH. I think mas marami pa nga po yatang fans si Dirk Nowitzki dito kaysa sa kanya. Kobe still lords it over here in the Philippines. No doubt about that. :)

27 07 2011
hikatalomato

oo na, we will visit your blogsite na

26 07 2011
doms

The link to,

LeBron James’ agents asked for $600,000 to play in Manila

directs to a different page.

26 07 2011
professionalheckler

nope. that’s it. nasa baba.

26 07 2011
libertas

manila was declared a fahion disaster zone as the criminals and corrupt displayed their wealth – of bad taste and lack of style.
another sona – another fashion parade, but both lacked dtyle and substance – except for kris aquino who had substance aplenty, especially around the hips.

26 07 2011
yofs

sen pia, nais mo nang may lalim???ang tanong, naintindihan mo ba yung talumpati? i doubt. e di lalo na kung mas malalim hehehehe…ay naku, para lang may ma-comment…

26 07 2011
libertas

” what is ours is ours ” said p-noy
and what isnt we will beg, steal, or copy

26 07 2011
libertas

One particularly narcissistic senator had a stylist with her as she changed morning,afternoon and evening.
All the make up she needs is not eco-friendly.
What a cocoon life is in the senate/makati.
Devoid of any intellect, any interest and any sense of reality.
Just keep on stealing from decent hard working people

27 07 2011
senior60

ilang senadora ba meron tayo, sina miriam at pia,
si loren din? not sure but my question is this

libertas, who is this senator and how did you know
about her activities?

amateurheckler, this is proof that she is based here
and not in europe

27 07 2011
libertas

i am here and also in europe.
i am he not she
but have no predjudices against
gays or old people
and some things, i must remain discreet about.
the gossip is not so important as what it reflects
about the state of the nation

28 07 2011
senior60

no amount of declaration from you that you are a man
will make me believe that you are a man because only
a woman can write the way you write, you have this habit
of writing lengthy posts which needs patience that is a
characteristic of a woman and yes, you are fond of making
gossips, mostly about women except your favorite pacquiao,
which is unmanly…

26 07 2011
Karla

I love your side comments. Witty! :)

26 07 2011
etchosera

Ayyy! Asan po yan? Di ko nakita eh.

Which side po?

26 07 2011
etchosera

Juicemio ‘Teh!

Bilib din ako sa pagka-consistent mo. Mula pa nung anon ka pa lang, hanggang ngayong libertas ka na, ganun at ganun pa rin….puro ka angst!

Angst pait pait! Di kaya epekto yan ng pagtatrabaho mo ng 20 hours a day noon?

Hala, makauwi na nga, aikonang mag-OT! Baka matulad ako sayo!

27 07 2011
hikatalomato

anon or nona?
libertas or liberty?
girl, boy, bakla, tomboy?
half filipino or half filipina?

unsa man oi?
nalilibogan na jud ko niya

27 07 2011
libertas

i am many things and many people.
u have to be flexible in life.
and open as many doors as possible

27 07 2011
libertas

18 hours a day is enough.
you have to leave time to shit, shower, shave, shag, and sleep.
p-noy only manages 4 out of 5 but still only works 6 hours

28 07 2011
Anonymous

that’s 5S principle of successful living

28 07 2011
Anonymous

that’s 5s of affluent living

28 07 2011
Paul

Looking at how miserable many Filipinos are which is in stark contrast to the lavish lives of their national and local leaders, I assume most if not all of them should feel bad on how the past and present government was or is treating them. But apparently many are just completely happy over this abuse or just work abroad to get away from it.

26 07 2011
amateur heckler

doc, you mean its the spine? all the while i thought she’s sick in the head. for a long time she was (and continue to be) a pain in the neck of the filipino people. now she’s knows how it feels like. hope you get well soon…filipino people.

27 07 2011
etchosera

Uyyyyyyyyyy!

Learning the PH style na, huh?

Good!

27 07 2011
amateur heckler

uyyyy, is that a compliment from etchos (despite the typo error)? should i be flattered? one of these days i will emulate you too. after all, imitation is the best form of flattery daw.

26 07 2011
ebook

gloria wag ka muna mamatay!

26 07 2011
libertos

Napabalita noon na gustong bilhin ni Ramon Ang yung PAGCOR. Hindi kaya yung current scandals/issues involving PAGCOR is just another spin job to portray it as one of the most anomalous/corrupt agencies. Tapos biglang sasabihin na buti pa ibenta/privatize nalang yan.
Just asking…

27 07 2011
etchosera

Ano nga po ang tanong nyo?

26 07 2011
rojan88

hahahaha ang kulit nito ‘President Noynoy Aquino delivered his second State of the Nation Address Monday at the SMART-Batasang Pambansa Complex.’ Pati pala batasan sinakop na ni MVP, baka kalaunan ang RP hindi na Republic of the Philippines, Republic of Pangilinan na. hahaha. Thanks kay MVP for bringing Kobe, Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant in the Philippines, pero I really dont like his power tripping ego na mamili ng mga kumpanya na parang namimili lng ng damit.

http://rojan88.wordpress.com

27 07 2011
brunix

Kumusta naman ang TV5 na panandalian ang Saturday ratings “success?” :D

Maaga kasing nagyabang, ayun, maaga ring nagbalik sa Number 3. :D

Alam kong interesado pa ring ituloy ni MVP ang naudlot na pagbili niya sa GMA. Haha! Monopoly!

27 07 2011
hikatalomato

oo na sabi, bibisitahin na blog mo.

28 07 2011
senior60

hahaha ang kulit mo hikata…

27 07 2011
senior60

mister heckler, wrong ka doon sa “defying expectations…”

di ba marami pa rin syang pasaring sa corruption and

corruption is arroyo…

27 07 2011
professionalheckler

it wasn’t as “worse” as the first one.

27 07 2011
senior60

hahaha hallelujah sa wakas napansin din ako,

made na, my day today

27 07 2011
senior60

re: briefly noted

ibig sabihin, halos walang humpay ang palakpakan dahil
53 minutes lang naman ang speech?

etchos, please paki, tulungan mo ako, tama ba kwenta ko?

27 07 2011
etchosera

walang kwenta

28 07 2011
senior60

himala, direct to the point na, wala man lang, jaena ko

27 07 2011
hayden ako

totoo yung sinabi ni senator pia. ahehehe! matagal na sigurong walang umabot sa kanyang lalim. andito lang ako, senadora, deep ako.

27 07 2011
Becky Vilo

Babe naman! Wag na yang deep deep na yan, alam na naman ng lahat yang “shortcomings” mo ah!

Pasalamat ka na lang at nagtitiyaga ako sayo.

28 07 2011
senior60

magtiyaga ka kaya kung short lang kay hayden?

28 07 2011
hayden ako

Joke lang, babe. Ikaw naman. ‘tsaka, di naman sa size and length yan. Katunayan, marami dyang gustong magtiyaga sa pagkukulang ko. Di ba hika, nyor?

27 07 2011
hikatalomato

mamaya ka na. can’t you see we’re busy?

27 07 2011
senior60

uuyyy hayden, umayos ka, nagbabasa si belo dito,
baka hindi matuloy kasal ninyo…

at may pa prenuptial agreement ka pa ha, ang habol
mo naman ay ang kayamanan ni belo after the wedding..

28 07 2011
hayden ako

Sakit kaayo ka manghusga, nyor. kaimnunun na kaayo ko ug koter sa imu gisulti.

29 07 2011
senior60

truth hurts nga, di ba?

correction lang ha, kinutil, dili koter

27 07 2011
amateur heckler

naghahanap ka na naman ng sarap ha. sige ka baka makalimutan mo pangalan mo.

27 07 2011
Phil Cruz

St. Luke’s should not have allowed Gloria to check in. She’s a bigger security risk than Zaldy.

27 07 2011
etchosera

Talaga po?

Napakahalaga po nitong information na ito. Sana naman po, mabasa ito ng PNP at NBI. Malaking tulong po talaga ito. Baka po maya maya lang eh mag-mobilize na sila ng kanilang mga tauhan para nga mapigilan ang pagpasok na ito ni Gloria sa St. Luke’s.

Marami pong salamat sa mga taong tulad mo na may malasakit sa katiwasayan ng ating lipunan.

Mabuhay po kayo!

28 07 2011
senior60

ano ka ba naman etchos, sugod ka ng sugod, anong

mapigilan ang pagpasok, nakapasok na nga..

27 07 2011
Anonymous

siyempre sa spine yun, kasi nag curve inwards yung ibang buto. wala kasing puso na makasuporta, di ba?

27 07 2011
hikatalomato

pagcor’s logo looks like two thumbs being inserted to an anus.

28 07 2011
mike

hahahahahaha…

28 07 2011
Gman

Puro wangwang si Pnoy. NabuWang sha sa wangwang.
Noynoy will be officially called, Philippines’ Wangwang President if he continues using his sarcastic favorite word.

28 07 2011
Paul

He’s crazy about wangs. It was Freudian slip

3 08 2011
Anonymous

Ang galing mo naman PH dito ko unang nabasaa ngayon nasa balita na na nag resign

3 08 2011
Jopak

Ang galing mo naman PH dito ko unang nabasaa ngayon nasa balita na na nag resign

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