‘HIGH-RANKING’ GOSSIP

A DOSE of blind items for your weekend. Any guesses?

You’re Fired!
The wife of a High-Ranking Politician had his female assistant fired.
Nope, the High-Ranking Politician and the female assistant didn’t have an affair.
Here’s what happened:
Mr High-Ranking Politician was recently linked to a famous actress.
He just laughed off the rumor. She denied it.
Apparently, the wife of Mr High-Ranking Politician believed otherwise.
The wife suspected that the fired female assistant acted as the “bugaw” of famous actress.

Who is Mr High-Ranking Politician? Hate na hate niya ang balut at lagi mo siyang makikita sa kalsada.
Who is the famous actress? Nasa dugo lang ‘yan.

Thormentor
This will be short.
The nephew of Mr. High-Ranking Politician is a violent boy.
One time, he got mad at the family driver and hit him with a hammer. Wow. Who do you think you are kid? Thor?
Somebody close to the family of Mr. High-Ranking Politician said, “Eh kasi naman may pagmamanahang parent. Ang ginagawa ng matanda, gagayahin ng bata.”

Sayang…  tunog “royalty” pa naman si  “parent.”

Irreconcilable
The marriage IS really over.
Mr. High-Ranking Politician is hoping for reconciliation. The wife does not.
The wife has been co-financing the projects of new partner according to someone ‘really’ close to the guy.
She has also been spotted in events where new partner is a performer.

Time to move on Mr. Politician.

Monster-in-Law? 
Apparently, all’s not well between Mr. High-Ranking Government Official’s mother and his wife.
Despite the high-profile union, the mother-in-law has never really developed a fondness for her son’s partner.
When she’s with her amiga, the feisty mother refers to her daughter-in-law as “that woman.”

Ouch. The husband must be feeling her pain.
——————————————————————————————–
“Show me someone who never gossips, and I’ll show you someone who isn’t interested in people.”
~Barbara Walters

Have a great weekend!

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DEAR PROFESSIONAL HECKLER II

THE LETTERS just keep pouring in. After last week’s post titled “Dear Professional Heckler,” my inbox has been inundated with mails from politicians, government officials, showbiz personalities, civilians, and even inanimate objects. I’m making public my answers to some of the most interesting letters. Enjoy!

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit… pero parang ang luwag-luwag ko. May halaga pa ba ako sa kanya?
Nagtataka,
Neck Brace

Dear Neck Brace,
Batay sa larawan sa taas, mukhang maluwag ka nga. Well, ayoko kitang sulsulan pero feeling ko walang tiwala sa ‘yo ang dating pangulo. Eh kung sakalin mo nga naman siya? ‘Wag ka na lang magreklamo. Ang mahalaga, bayad ka!
Heckler

Dear PAGASA,
Mali na naman ang forecast n’yo for Albay! Buwisit talaga kayo!
Kebs,
Gov. Joey Salceda

Dear Governor,
Wrong send ka!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Oist Joey, huwag mo naman akong ipahiya. Pinuri ko pa naman ang PAGASA sa aking SONA. Puwede naman nating pag-usapan ‘to ah.
Noy

Dear Noy,
Huwag mo ‘kong ma-Joey Joey dahil hindi ako gobernador! Wrong send ka rin. Hmpf!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Everytime na lang na bumabagyo, lagi na lang kaming nababatikos! Kesyo walang ginagawa, tamad, at mabagal kumilos. Wala na ba kaming ginawang tama?
Naiirita,
Commission on Higher Education (CHEd)

Dear CHEd,
Ang problema sa ‘yo… Commission on Hesitant Educators ka! Lubog na ang UST, naghihintay ka pa rin ng Signal No. 3! Umayos ka!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Bakit ba pinalitan pa ang name ng NDCC? Ang hirap kasing ipronounce ng NDRRMC. Sino bang may pakana nito?
Bulol na,
Lito

Dear Lito,
At bakit mo naman pinu-problema ang pronunciation ng N-D-R-R-M-C? Reporter ka ba? Kung may reklamo ka, heto ang Twitter account ng author ng batas @ruffybiazon. Good luck!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Totoo po bang ang bagong director ng Bureau of Corrections na inappoint ng Pangulo ay may kinakaharap na kasong plunder?
Nag-aalala,
Pototoy Bato

Dear Pototoy Bato,
‘Yan ang tuwid na daan. Get used to it!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Pati ba naman kape, iniintriga? Bakit ba ako na lang ang kanilang nakikita? Why?!?
Bad trip,
Mr. Genuino

Dear Mr. Genuino,
Why not?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Pati ba naman kape, iniintriga? Bakit ba ako na lang ang kanilang nakikita? Why?!?
Bad trip,
Mr. Genuino

Dear Mr. Genuino,
Tanga ka ba? Sinagot na kita! ‘Wag kang makulit kung ayaw mong sampahan kita ng kasong plunder!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
As you all know, I will undergo a risky surgery Friday morning. Puwede ba akong humingi ng konting panalangin mula sa iyong readers?
Nagsusumamo,
Madam Gloria

Dear Madam Gloria,
Hindi hawak ng aking mga readers ang iyong kapalaran. Observers lamang sila. Meron kang sariling faith, gamitin mo ito.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Balita ko po ay on maternity leave raw si Mrs. Elena Bautista-Horn. Sino po ba ang spokesperson ngayon ni dating Pangulong Arroyo?
Concerned Citizen,
Lilia

Dear Lilia,
Parang si Congresswoman Mitos Magsaysay. Not sure.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Naniniwala ka ba sa milagro?
We do,
Azkals

Dear Azkals,
Maniniwala lang ako kung mananalo kayo.
Heckler

Deal Plofessional Hecklel,
Akyen dinig SONA iyo plesidente. Sabi n’ya, kapag ikaw tapak Lecto Bank, ikaw tapak na lin Lecto Avenue. Ano ibig sabihin kanya statement?
Sagot ka agad,
Mr. Chinese Ambassador

Dear Mr. Chinese Ambassador,
Ikaw masyado demanding. Ako sagot lamang iyo sulat pag gusto ko sagot. Isa lang ibig sabihin ng amin pangulo. Kayo Intsik, ‘wak kupal! Huwak kayo maghali-halian sa amin isla. Pak kami galit, baka deploy namin BRP Rajah Humabon. Isa lang ‘yon, luma pa, pelo may kalga-kalga ‘yon malaking kanyon. Be aflaid. Be vely aflaid.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Single ka pa ba? Can we have lunch?
Ehem,
Manoling M

Dear Manoling M,
Malaswaaaa!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Seryoso na ‘to. May mali ba sa pag-endorso ko kay Gibô Teodoro sa programa kong Dial M? We are in a democracy. Anong mali do’n?
Imbyerna,
Manoling M

Dear Manoling M,
Hindi ko alam kung nagpapatawa ka o nagpapatawa ka. Kalimutan mo na ang ambisyon mong maging comedy actor. You’re not funny girl!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Walang ipu-ipo. Walang malakas na hangin. Walang sumpa! Mabilis lang ang takbo ng bus na ’yan kaya nahulog.
Maniwala kayo,
Skyway

Dear Skyway,
I know.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Lately ay natsi-tsismis na naman ang aking married life. Ikinakalat ng mga intrigero na hindi raw masaya sa aking piling ang misis kong si Assunta. Ano ang dapat kong gawin?
Confused,
Congressman Jules

Dear Congressman Jules,
Confused ka nga! Ano namang kinalaman ko d’yan eh buhay mo ‘yan! But since nagtanong ka na rin lang, ganito ang puwede mong gawin. Mamayang hatinggabi, humarap ka sa salamin. Hubarin mo ang iyong singsing na may bato, isubo mo ito at sumigaw… ‘Darna!’ Kapag walang nagbago, safe pa ang marriage mo! Congratulations!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Malaki-laki na rin ang nakakalap naming donasyon para sa SUVs ng mahal naming mga obispo. Puwede ka bang mag-donate kahit isang libo?
Pleeeease?
Mayor Atienza

Dear Mayor Atienza,
Get a life!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Totoo bang walang signal ang Globe phones sa loob ng SMART-Araneta Coliseum?!
Forever Globe,
Jaime Augusto and Fernando

Dear Jaime Augusto and Fernando,
Familiar ang names n’yo. Tunog mayaman. Anyway, totoo ‘yan. Ilang beses na akong nanood ng game ng UP sa UAAP. Either delayed ng 45 minutes ang message sa Globe phone or totally walang signal. Sanga pala, totoo ba ang tsismis na magkakaroon ng Globe-Cuneta Astrodome?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Kailan ba talaga ang uwi ni Nora Aunor? Pabagu-bago kasi ang balita.
Inip na,
Aling Milagring

Dear Aling Milagring,
Wala ho akong pakialam ke umuwi siya o hindi. Mas close ako kay Lotlot! Heto ang number ni Kuya Germs. Sa kanya kayo magtanong! 0927.3456.987.
Heckler
———————————————————————————————————–
“Body and soul cannot be separated for purposes of treatment, for they are one and indivisible. Sick minds must be healed as well as sick bodies.”
~C. Jeff Miller

Quote of the Weak
“I would just like to ask for your forgiveness for what I said in that comedy show. It was a comedy show, Dial M by the way.”
~Former PCSO chair Manoling Morato apologizing to Senators Chiz Escudero and TG Guingona whom he labeled as “nagpapa-cute” and “sinungaling” respectively on “Dial M”

You Have Spoken
Ano ang assessment mo sa SONA ni Pangulong Aquino?
Pasado naman. 40.71%
Walang direksyon. 28.57%
Anong bago? 30.71%

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Happy weekend! Ingat!

ACCORDING TO THE PRESIDENT

SICK. Former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is still confined at the St. Luke’s Medical Center in Taguig City where she was admitted yesterday, July 25. But a reliable source told the Professional Heckler the Pampanga representative was fine. What happened Monday was just a “hospital arrest drill.”

This just in: Physicians at the St. Luke’s Medical Center have advised Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to undergo surgery to repair her damaged cervical spine. They also advised newly-appointed Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales to be patient.

SONA 2011
President Noynoy Aquino delivered his second State of the Nation Address Monday at the SMART-Batasang Pambansa Complex.

Looking dapper and relaxed, President Aquino delivered a 53-minute speech: no drama, no frills, no fanfare, no RH Bill, no Hacienda Luisita, no Freedom of Information Bill, and no economic roadmap.

Puwede na rin.

And for once, there was no joke about his love life. Congratulations!

Defying expectations, President Aquino delivered a State of the Nation Address, not State of the Nation & Arroyo.

Still, the President lambasted the sale of used helicopters owned by the former First Family to the Philippine National Police. Monitoring the SONA at home, the Arroyos exercised ‘maximum tolerance.’

According to the President, the present administration has uncovered anomalies in the state gaming firm PAGCOR. The biggest of which was the botched attempt to convert PAGCOR into Starbucks.

Reports say the President’s speech lasted 53 minutes. Or as former PAGCOR executives would say, eternity.

In an apparent reference to the rift with the Chinese over the Spratly Islands, President Aquino said, “Ang sa Pilipinas ay sa Pilipinas!” And Harry K. Thomas was like, “That’s mah boy!”

President Aquino declared, “Our message to the world is clear: What is ours is ours.” In short, we, Filipinos are not afraid of you, we will not be cowed, and we will fight to the end. I hope that’s clear… Vietnam!

The President said, “Our message to the world is clear: What is ours is ours.” At that moment, the Chinese ambassador called Beijing and said, “Melon ba iskedyul sunod bitay drug mule? Huwak kayo bagal. Ako inip na.”

The President added, “Kapag tumapak ka sa Recto Bank, para ka na ring tumapak sa Recto Avenue.” Tama! Lalo na kapag malakas ang ulan.

In his SONA, President Aquino extended the olive branch to the bishops! Talk about saving Margie Juico’s ass!

President Aquino thanked Roman Catholic bishops and priests in his speech. Say goodbye to the RH Bill!

President Aquino also called on Filipinos “to unite for progress.” To which Filipinos replied, “Samar & Balay first.”

The President said, “If you see something right, do not think twice—praise it.” After the SONA, some people approached Sen. Gringo Honasan and praised him.

President Aquino added, “If you see a policeman directing traffic, go to him and say, ‘Thank you.’” But better be ready with a valid excuse for violating laws on jaywalking.

He also said, “Before you leave school for home, approach your teacher who chose to invest in your future—say, ‘Thank you.’” But never, ever say “No, thanks” to her ‘special tocino.’

The President also advised, “If you chance upon your local leader on a road that was once riddled with holes, but is now smooth and sturdy—go to him and say, ‘Thank you, for the change you have brought.’” But never, ever add, “Magkano ba’ng kinita nating komisyon sir?”

On Negativism
“Let us stop pulling our fellow man down.” – Sabi ni Erap: “Ako ‘yon!”
“Let us put an end to our crab mentality.” – Sabi ni Gloria: “Shino ‘yon?”
“Let us make the effort to recognize the good that is being done.” – Sabi ni Noynoy: “Ehem.”

The President promised to include in his agenda the development of PTV Channel 4. Take that IBC 13!

President Aquino vowed to develop government station PTV 4. Sorry to disappoint you Manoling Morato but there’s no truth to rumors that Dial M will be revived.

Briefly Noted: President Aquino’s speech was interrupted 48 times by guests applauding… and twice by coughing.

Reacting to the President’s State of the Nation Address, Senator Pia Cayetano said, “Nagustuhan ko sana kung mas may lalim.” Apparently, Pia missed that part where the President mentioned “West Philippine Sea.”

Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri did not attend President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address… which I believe, was a wrong decision since Monday’s SONA could probably be his last as a member of the Senate.

Trivia: President Noynoy Aquino was the first Philippine president to deliver his SONA entirely in Filipino. So, to the President’s critics who insist that he has not accomplished or achieved anything at all, take that!

Word of the Week
WANG-WANG: Anything nega.
To use in sentences:
- Dahil sa kaka-wang-wang sa pera ng bayan, winangwang ng karamdaman ang dating pangulo.
- “Tara sa Pagcor, coffee tayo.” “Ayoko nga! ‘Yong perang ipinambili n’yan, winangwang mula sa pondo ng gobyerno!”
- Sa kabila ng kanyang pag-iyak sa telebisyon, marami ang naniniwalang hindi winangwang ng ilang members ng Team Azkals si Amanda Coling.
——————————————————————
“When you make speeches, you elicit expectations against which you will be held accountable.”
~Bill Bradley

Quote of the Weak
“I look like a garden!”
~Pampanga Fourth District Rep. Anna York Bondoc describing her SONA 2011 attire

Elsewhere
President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address both in Filipino and in English

SONA 2011 Fashion: Soaring or Boring?

Philippine Daily Inquirer: LeBron James’ agents asked for $600,000 to play in Manila

Stay safe! Enjoy the rest of the week!

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OPENING LINES

Top 15 Rejected State of the Nation Address Opening Lines

No. 15: “Bago ako magsimula… I am not under oath, am i?”

No. 14: “Ayaw na ayaw kong kayo ay nasasaktan. Kaya pinapangunahan ko na kayo: walang masyadong laman ang aking talumpati.”

No. 13: “For a change, ang State of the Nation ay ihahatid sa atin ngayong hapon ng isang taong matagal ko nang hinahangaan. Mga kababayan… Ms. Jessica Soho!”

No. 12: “Sorry to disappoint you. Wala akong baong joke tungkol sa aking buhay-pag-ibig.”

No. 11: “I’d like to acknowledge the presence of the distuinguished members of the Philippine Senate! Good afternoon to all of you especially to my future brother-in-law Francis Escudero. Pare, bahala ka na sa kapatid ko! Ikaw na lang ang umintindi!”

No. 10: “Let us show the world that Filipinos are a united people. Para matiyak na magti-trend worldwide ang speech ko ngayong hapon, use #SONA as hashtag on Twitter. Thank you.”

No. 9: “Lahat ng present sa joint session ngayong hapon ay automatikong kasama sa ating special raffle! At stake: ang pitong second-hand na SUVs na ibinalik ng mga obispo.”

No. 8: “Let us offer a moment of silence for the demise of my so-called lovelife.”

No. 7: “Kasama natin ngayong hapon ang tatlong ‘Bangkang Papel Boys’ na unang iniharap sa inyo ng nakaraang administrasyon! Sa araw na ito, opisyal kong inilulunsad ang masusing imbestigasyon upang alamin kung totoong may bangkang papel na ipinaanod sa Ilog Pasig ang mga batang ito patungong Malacañang. Mananagot sa batas ang mga sinungaling!”

No. 6: “Wala na ang Porsche ko! Palakpak naman d’yan!”

No. 5: “Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest of honor this afternoon… Kobe Bryant! Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!”

No. 4: “To Congresswoman Arroyo  and her lawyer, Attorney Raul Lambino, I hope you’re watching. Enjoy!”

No. 3: “Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat?”

No. 2: “Garci, if you’re listening, nakikiusap ako sa ‘yo. Bawasan mo naman ang asking price mo. Hindi kaya ng budget namin eh.”

And the No. 1 rejected State of the Nation Address opening line…

“Hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Narito ang mahabang listahan ng mga kasalanan ni Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at ng nakaraang administrasyon… ”
————————————————————-
“George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.”
~Author Unknown

You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ba kayong hawak na ng pamahalaan si Virgilio Garcillano?
-Oo naman! Planado ang galaw ng mga ‘yan. 31.86%
-Hindi naman siguro. Baka nagtatago pa. 11.76%
-Hintayin na lang natin. ‘Wag masyadong atat. 56.37%

Personal
Thank you MVP for bringing Kobe Bryant, Derek Fisher, and the rest of the NBA stars to the Philippines! Awesome! Just awesome!

In Memoriam
Amy Winehouse, 27
14 September 1983 — 23 July 2011

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Have a safe and great week ahead!

DEAR PROFESSIONAL HECKLER

OF LATE, the Professional Heckler has been receiving emails, letters, text messages, and tweets from famous and not-so-famous Filipinos alike. Due to his hectic schedule though (as if), he was able to reply to each of those letters only now. Apologies. Here we go…

Dear Professional Heckler,
Isa akong inmate sa New Bilibid Prisons. Pakiramdam ko, may sakit ako sa puso. Puwede rin ba akong magpa-check up sa Philippine Heart Center?
Umaasa,
Bogart

Dear Bogart,
May alam ka bang kasalanan ni Gloria? Kung wala, tiisin mo na lang ang sakit mo sa puso.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Isa akong mapagpatol na tao. Halos kada linggo, nakikipagsagutan talaga ako. Wala akong inuurungan. Hindi ko pinapalampas ang mga patutsada ng aking mga kalaban. Sanga pala, gusto kong magtrabaho sa gobyerno. Saan ba ako puwede?
Yours truly,
Anton

Dear Anton,
Puwede ka sa Communications Group. Of course, advantage kung abogado ka. Kaya lang, wala pa yatang opening ngayon. Hindi kita matutulungan.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat!
Miss you,
Bedol

Dear Bedol,
Magkano?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hindi ko na kinakaya ang ginagawa nila sa akin. Nananahimik ako. Kumikirot ang aking leeg. Masama ang aking pakiramdam pero wala talaga silang awa. Ayaw nila akong tigilan. Kailan ba ito matatapos?
Saklolo,
Gloria

Dear Gloria,
Just do what is right, do what is best, and Raul Lambino will take care of the rest.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Isa akong dating halal na government official na natapos na ang termino. Wala na akong ginagawa. Mahilig ako sa balita at may magandang boses. Saan ako puwedeng mag-apply?
Yours truly,
Kagalang-galang na Ex-Official

Dear Kagalang-galang na Ex-Official,
With your credentials, perfect ka sa TV Patrol! Try mo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Magkano ba ang presyo ng isang kilong galunggong ngayon? Would you know?
Curious,
Jamby

Dear Jamby,
Hanggang ngayon ba naman curious ka pa rin? I don’t eat fish. Sorry, I cannot answer your question.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Gusto kong maging state witness. Marami akong alam against GMA. Maniwala ka!
Desperado,
Zaldy

Dear Zaldy,
Sapak gusto mo?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler
Ikaw ang kanlungan ng nangangailangan. Ikaw ang pag-asa at kinabukasan. Haplos mo ay lunas sa bawat pagal. Salamat sa iyong dampi ng pagmamahal.
Love,
Manny Garcia

Dear Manny Garcia,
Ulol!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Narinig ko po sa balita na posibleng ideklarang pangulo ang aking late Papa. Puwede rin ba akong tawaging former presidential daughter?
Tempting,
Lovidovi

Dear Lovidovi,
Magpaalam ka muna sa tunay na asawa ng iyong ama. I heard you’re not in good terms. Kapag pumayag siya, go! Kung hindi, huwag malungkot dahil ikaw naman ang former future First Lady ng first district of Ilocos Sur. ‘Musta na si Ronald?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Oo! Handa na ako! Isisiwalat ko na ang lahat-lahat tungkol sa dayaan noong 2004 pero sa isang kondisyon. Gusto ko via phone patch.
Demanding,
Garci

Dear Garci,
Wala kang karapatang mag-demand, punyeta ka! Kung lalabas ka, bilisan mo para umabot sa SONA. At ‘wag mong itanong kung magkano! Wala nang budget ang palasyo!
Heckler

Deal Plofessional Hecklel,
Sabi mo iyo mga conglessman, sila wag na balik Pag-Asa Island. Amin buo isla! Kami una ari Splatlys Islands. Pag kayo hindi tigil, kayo invade namin. Undelstand?
Xie xie,
Mr. Chinese Ambassador

Dear Mr. Chinese Ambassador,
Ikaw huwag bully. Kayo sumbong namin Amelicans. Sila amin friendship. Sila tulong amin. Hindi kami takot. Teka lang, bakit ako ganito salita? At bakit ikaw basa nang basa. Mukha ka rin tanga.
Hecklel

Dear Professional Heckler,
Matagal nang nali-link ang mister kong kongresista sa isang sexy comedienne/TV host. Pero wala naman akong pruweba. Dapat ko ba siyang iwan?
Hu-hu-hu,
Angela

Dear Angela,
In the first place, hindi mo siya dapat pinakasalan dahil second cousin mo siya! Bahala ka sa buhay mo! Malaswaaaa!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Uuwi na ako. Malapit na. Puwede bang mag-stay pansamantala sa inyo?
Excited,
Ate Guy

Dear Ate Guy,
First of all, hanga ako sa ‘yo. Ikaw lang ang GUY na GIRL. Pero ‘di ako naniniwalang uuwi ka. Wala kang pamasahe! Casino ka kasi nang casino! Tigilan mo na ‘yan!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Panay na panay ang banat mo sa amin. Mag-ingat ka g*go! At ’wag na ‘wag kang pupunta sa aming siyudad kung ayaw mong mabugbog!
Galit na galit,
Sara, Rudy, and Paolo

Dear Sara, Rudy, and Paolo
Ito lang ang masasabi ko: [click here]
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
It’s in the news today! I lost at least 6 inches off my waist. Bilib ka na ba?
Nagmamahal,
Mega

Dear Mega,
Weh? ‘Di nga?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sabi nila, na-rape ako. Feeling ko naman, na-harass lang. Ewan ko ba! Kumuha na ako ng abogado. Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Naguguluhan,
Amanda

Dear Amanda,
Nagkamali ka iha. Hindi dapat abogado ang kinuha mo kundi bato – ‘tapos ipinukpok mo sana sa ulo mo para natauhan ka. Flirt!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Itago mo na lang ako sa pangalang Piolo. Mayaman, maimpluwensya, mula sa iginagalang na pamilya at may mataas na posisyon sa pamahalaan. Fifty-one years old na ako pero wala pa rin akong girlfriend. Bakit kaya?
Worried,
Alias Piolo

Dear Piolo,
Pa-Piolo-Piolo ka pa d’yan utot mo! Kilala kita! Pinasok mo ang puwestong ‘yan, magtiis ka! ‘Tsaka… bago mo problemahin ang puso mo, asikasuhin mo muna ‘yang baga mo! Tumigil ka sa paninigarilyo! Okay? Good luck sa SONA mo! Bye!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
At present, I really need a brand-new car, possibly a 4 x 4. I am anticipating your favorable response on this regard. Be assured of my constant support. Thank you very much.
God Bless,
Bishop Pueblos

Dear Bishop Pueblos,
Wala ka talagang kadala-dala! ‘Tsaka anong “constant support” ang pinagsasasabi mo d’yan!? Hindi tayo magkakilala! Magtigil ka!
Heckler
———————————————————————————–
“From the beginning of our history the country has been afflicted with compromise. It is by compromise that human rights have been abandoned.”
~Charles Sumner

You Have Spoken
Kung mapatunayang nanalo nga si FPJ noong 2004, pabor ba kayo sa suhestyong isabit ang kanyang larawan sa palasyo?
-OO naman. 34.83%
-NO. 22.82%
-Ke isabit o hindi, ikakayaman ko ba ‘yan? 42.34%

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Enjoy the rest of the week!

LINTANG

“Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat?”
– The (only) words uttered by former Maguindanao elections supervisor Lintang Bedol in the press conference held Tuesday morning at the Commission on Elections

AFTER HIDING from law for more than four years, former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol – Comelec officials claim, “surrendered voluntarily.” Or as one game show contestant would say, “Deal!”

Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo admitted that he “facilitated” the surrender of Lintang Bedol. Take that Zaldy Ampatuan!

Ex-Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol finally surfaced Tuesday. Wearing a bulletproof vest, he attended the Comelec-sponsored “Batian Portion.”

“Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat!” Bedol greeted the media. And I was like, “Ano ka, si David Archuleta?”

Former election official Lintang Bedol has surfaced! He refused to talk to the press but his lawyer confirmed Bedol has learned to cook adobo, afritada, sinigang, embotido, and empanada with the help of Google while in hiding

Lawyer Lintang Bedol was a fugitive who ran away from the law. He’ll probably write a book in which he’d reveal, “kung saan ako nagtago.”

On Friday, Lintang Bedol will appear on ‘Umagang Kay Ganda’ to demonstrate his cooking skills with Anthony Taberna.

Now detained in Camp Crame, former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol has begun serving his six-month prison sentence… or as Hubert Webb would say, “One week.”

Posthumous Declaration?
Sen. Francis Escudero said Fernando Poe Jr. could be posthumously declared winner of the 2004 presidential elections if it is proven that Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo rigged the results of the polls. But Escudero won’t say if Susan Roces could use the title, “former First Lady.”

Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. says the poll body can no longer undo the proclamation of President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo even if it is proven she manipulated the election results. Mike Arroyo can now heave a sigh of relief. He’s still the former First Gentleman!

Sara’s At Fault
A fact-finding committee formed by the DILG has found Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte guilty of “conduct unbecoming of a public official” for attacking a court sheriff last July 1. Meanwhile, a separate committee has also found Vice Mayor Rudy Duterte’s middle finger guilty of “gesture unbecoming of a body part” for offending people’s sensitivities.

The fact-finding committee formed by Interior and Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo has found Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte guilty of “conduct unbecoming of a public official.” The committee recommends the filing of administrative charges against the mayor. It also recommends that Robredo avoid visiting Davao City ever.

Gecko News
The illegal trade of tukô or gecko in the Philippines via the Internet has been exposed, and authorities have warned against the sale of the reptile without government permit. In totally unrelated news, the Ombudsman has suspended Kalookan City Mayor Recom Echeverri for his failure to remit over P37 million in city employees’ contributions to the GSIS. At press time though, he continues to cling to his post.

Amanda Coling
Interviewed on live TV, controversial model Amanda Coling referred to herself as the “alleged victim.” See? Even she is doubting herself!

Initial reports say Amanda Coling is an applied physics graduate from UP. But the University of the Philippines quickly denied the report. It turned out that Coling was a graduate of another UP: University of Papansin.

Amanda Coling was interviewed on GMA 7’s ‘Showbiz Central’ last Sunday. Almost everyone agreed: it was a BAD decision. The only thing WORSE was Pia Guanio’s skills as interviewer.

————————————————————————————-
“It’s not the voting that’s democracy; it’s the counting.”
~Tom Stoppard, Jumpers

Elsewhere
GMA News: Boracay is 4th best island in the world

I’m hooked on “The Walking Dead.” Here’s a first look at Season 2.

GMA News: Amanda Coling’s official statement re: “Rape rumors”

Briefly Noted
From the people who brought us City Lite 88.3 and Joey@92.3 comes Mega Manila’s newest music hub: Radio High 105.9FM. Not for everyone.

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Have fun!

THE NERVE!

FORMER ALLY ZALDY AMPATUAN has come out and accused her of election fraud and graft. Ex-Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol has also named her as the brains behind the 2007 poll fraud in the province. And her name has been dragged into the PCSO fund controversy. Despite the allegations, erstwhile president and incumbent Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has opted to remain silent.

Until now.

GMA has granted The Professional Heckler another exclusive interview. Here is the transcript of the unedited conversation.

The Professional Heckler: Welcome back and a great evening Mrs. President!
GMA: Not really! I just saw Zaldy and Bedol in the news.
Heckler: Later na ho natin pag-usapan ‘yan. How do I address you nga pala? Mrs. President? Madam Congresswoman? Ma’am Gloria?
GMA: It doesn’t matter ‘no. Hindi naman ako mashelan. Huwag mo lang akong tatawaging Tita dahil hindi kita pamangkin!

Heckler: Do you have an opening statement ma’am before I start asking questions?
GMA: Bakit? Senate hearing ba ‘to?! Akala ko interview lang?
Heckler: Oh, I’m so sorry ma’am. Sige po, any opening message na lang?
GMA: Ok, ok. Let me take this opportunity ‘noh to congratulate the Ateneo Blue Eagles. Ang hushay hushay n’yo, ‘no! Talon talaga ako nang talon kanina habang nanonood. Nasira ko nga yata ‘yong sofa eh! I am sho proud of my alma mater. I hope the feeling ish mutual ‘noh. At shobrang galing ni L.A. Revilla ‘noh! That rookie wash phenomenal in Game 2.
Heckler: Ma’am, taga-La Salle po si L.A. at hindi siya rookie.
GMA: Oh, na-confuse ako sa shobrang saya. I am shorry! One Big Fight, ‘noh?! Hihihi

Heckler: Diretso na tayo sa mga alegasyong ibinabato sa inyo ma’am.
GMA: Pakibilisan mo lang dahil may check up pa ako sa St. Luke’s ‘noh. Sumasakit na naman ang leeg ko. The nerve! It must be the nerve! At hindi ko puwedeng paghintayin si Dr. Juliet Cervantes. Mahal ang per hour no’n ‘noh.
Heckler: Sige po. Unang isyu: Ayon kay suspended ARMM Governor Zaldy Ampatuan, sangkot daw po kayo sa dayaan sa Maguindanao noong 2007.
GMA: Kung wala kang itatanong na bago, this interview is over! Shumashakit lang ang leeg ko sha ‘yo ‘noh!
Heckler: Eh ma’am, ngayon lang ho kasi nagsalita si Zaldy Ampatuan against you ‘di ba?
GMA: Noong 2004, ako. Noong 2007 ako. Baka bukash-makalawa, pati ‘yong Maguindanao Massacre sa ‘kin rin ibintang. Sa totoo lang ‘noh, nalulungkot ako sa mga nangyayaring ito. Zaldy and I have come a long way. Close ako sha pamilyang ‘yan and Maguindanao was like my second home in Mindanao next only to Iligan. Mashakit sa akin ang mapagbintangan ng ishang bagay na wala akong kaalam-alam. I categorically deny that ‘noh.
Heckler: Ano pong mensahe n’yo kay Zaldy Ampatuan?
GMA: Zaldy, friendship, wala namang ganyanan ‘noh. Alam mo ang totoo. Huwag mo akong idawit d’yan! Let’s just all move on… ‘noh? Huwag kang mag-alala, shuportado ko ang plano mong pagpapalit ng pangalan. I will text you some suggestions after my check up, ‘no?

Heckler: Lintang Bedol, ma’am. Ayon sa kanya, kayo raw ang arkitekto ng dayaan sa Maguindanao noong 2007.
GMA: Paano ako magiging arkitekto? Arroyo ang apelyido ko, hindi Palafox ‘noh! Jussh kidding. Hihihi Hindi ko kilala ‘yang si Lintang Bedol na ‘yan at wala akong pakialam ke linta man ‘yan, kuto o pulgash. Walang katotohanan ang shinashabi n’yan ‘noh.
Heckler: Sa inyong palagay ma’am, bakit po siya lumantad?
GMA: Ngayon ko lang shashabihin ‘to ‘noh. At sa ‘yo lang. Malakash ang kutob kong may kinalaman si Ping sa paglabash ni Bedol.
Heckler: Shi Shenator Lacshon ho?
GMA: Umayosh ka! Huwag mong gayahin ang S-defect ko. Oo! Si Shenator Lacshon. Ano bang shabi ni Bedol sa interviewsh sa kanya? “Kaibigan ko si Lacshon.” ‘Yon ang sabi niya. Shinong reporter ang naglabash ng ishtorya? ‘Di ba shi Anthony Taberna? Shino si Anthony Taberna? Inaanak sha kashal ni Shenator Lacshon. You do the math ‘noh.
Heckler: Hindi naman siguro gano’n ma’am.
GMA: Marunong ka pa sa akin! Shino bang interviewee dito? Ikaw o ako? Gushto mo palit na lang tayo ng puweshto? How’s your sex life iho?
Heckler: Sorry naman ma’am. Mensahe na lang ho n’yo kay Lintang Bedol…
GMA: Wala… ‘noh! Pero may mensahe ako kay Migs Zubiri. Migs, anak… alam mong ginawa namin ang lahat para sa ‘yo! Huwag kang bibitaw. Two more years. Kaya mo ‘yan noh?

Heckler: Rosario Uriarte ma’am. Gaano kayo kalapit sa kanya?
GMA: Oh, si Roshario! Matagal ko nang kaibigan ‘yang si Roshario, DTI days pa namin ‘noh. Pero ewan ko ba sha babaeng ‘yan! Until now, wala pa ring effort mag-ayosh ng sharili. Ni-refer ko na ‘yan sha aking stylist noon, pero look at her today! Deshpicable!
Heckler: Pirmado n’yo po ang mga PCSO memoranda kung saan makikitang nag-request ng millions and millions of funds si Mrs. Uriarte.
GMA: Sandali lang. Hindi pa ako taposh sa hairstyle ni Roshario. My goodnessh, she is attending a Shenate hearing ‘noh… not a lotto draw! Pero tingnan mo ang kanyang buhok! Ghastly, atrocious, contemptible…. ‘noh!? Ano ngang question mo?
Heckler: From 2008 to 2010, you approved some 325 million pesos in confidential intelligence funds. Para saan po ‘yon?
GMA: As the name suggests, it’s confidential. Next question!

Heckler: Ang sabi ni Senator TG Guingona, plunder ang nangyari. Pandarambong sa pera ng PCSO!
GMA: Hindi na ako nashoshorpresa! Kung gaano kalaki ang mga tainga ng TG na ‘yan, gano’n din kalaki ang galit nilang mag-ama sha akin. Ayaw ko na siyang patulan.

GMA: Shandali lang, ia-adjust ko muna ang aking brace dahil kumikirot na naman ang leeg ko. The nerve! It must be the nerve! Last three questions na lang puwede?
Heckler: Nang matanggap n’yo ho ang sulat ni Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos asking for a brand new car, anong naramdaman n’yo?
GMA: Honeshtly?
Heckler: Kung kaya n’yo, sige.
GMA: Gusto mo umalis na ‘ko?
Heckler: Sorry ulit ma’am. Sige po, honestly…
GMA: At first, nagulat ako. May pagka-demanding ang tono ni Bishop Pueblosh. Pero dahil ayaw ko nang madagdagan ang kaaway kong obispo, pinalampas ko na lang ang pagiging choosy niya. Shabi nga nila, if you can’t beat them, bribe them… ‘noh?

Heckler: Sa hearing po last week, tinanong ni Sen. Jinggoy Estrada si Bishop Pueblos kung tatanggap ba siya ng pera mula sa devil basta’t makakatulong ito sa mahihirap. Ang sagot po ni Bishop Pueblos, oo daw. Ang tanong ko po sa inyo: Kung kayo po ay magiging devil… why not?
GMA: “Hello? Dr. Cervantes? Yes… yes. I’m on my way. See you.”
Heckler: Teka lang naman ma’am. Hindi pa ho ko ‘tapos. I will rephrase the question na lang: Kung susulat ho ulit sa inyo si Bishop Pueblosh upang humingi ng brand new car, bibigyan n’yo ba?
GMA: I don’t think it’s necessary. As my father, the late Ka Dadong told me, “Do what ish right, do what ish best, and Romy Macalintal & Lito Atienza will do the rest.”

Heckler: Malapit na po ang State of the Nation Address ni Pangulong Aquino. Dadalo ho ba kayo?
GMA: What for? Alam ko na naman ang sasabihin n’ya… ‘no? “Dahil kay Gloria lumobo ang utang ng PCSO. Dahil kay Gloria, nagkaroon ng fish kill. Dahil kay Gloria, nanapak si Sara Duterte. Dahil kay Gloria, na-rape daw si Amanda Coling. Dahil kay Gloria, nabuntis si Andi Eigenmann. Dahil kay Gloria, walang girlfriend ang inyong pangulo.” Lahat na lang dahil sa ‘kin!
Heckler: Eh baka naman po talagang dahil sa inyo?
GMA: Dahil d’yan… tapos na tayo!
Heckler: Hahaha Nagbibiro lang ma’am. We’re almost done! Punta na tayo sa paborito kong segment, ang Rapid Round. Sabihin n’yo sa akin kung ano ang unang pumapasok sa isip n’yo kapag nababanggit ang mga sumusunod na pangalan. Ready na ho kayo?
GMA: Teka lang, ia-adjust ko muna ang brace ko. Ooops, the nerve. It must be the nerve. Kumikirot na naman ang leeg ko. Wait! There! Ok na! Game!

Heckler: Ok! Let’s begin! Bishop Pueblos…
GMA: Caring.

Heckler: Sara Duterte…
GMA: Daring.

Heckler: Leila De Lima…
GMA: Dating! Ang shaya-shaya ‘noh? May boyfriend pala siya.

Heckler: Mar Roxas…
GMA: Balay.

Heckler: Rosario Uriarte…
GMA: Suklay.

Heckler: Pangulong Aquino…
GMA: Walang malay!

Heckler: Bakit naman walang malay ma’am?
GMA: I don’t have to elaborate. Wala naman sa rules ng game ‘noh?!

Heckler: Fine! Next… Jose Ping De Jesus…
GMA: He quit.

Heckler: Charice Pempengco…
GMA: A hit.

Heckler: Zaldy Ampatuan…
GMA: Ayyy, shit!

Heckler: Palace social secretary Susan Reyes…
GMA: Kabit?!? Ay tsismis nga lang pala ‘yong sha kanila ni Mar. Shorry Ate Koring. I wash jusht kidding. Ang saya-saya ‘noh?

Heckler: FYI lang Mrs. President, noong nasa Europe ho kayo, nag-deny na si Ate Koring. Going strong pa rin daw ang pagsasama nila.
GMA: Hay naku! Ganyang-ganyan din ang statement ko noon. You know naman kung anong nangyari ‘di ba? Anyway, next!

Heckler: Noli De Castro…
GMA: Announcer.

Heckler: Rodrigo Duterte…
GMA: Silencer!

Heckler: Panfilo Lacson?
GMA: Dacer? Ang suwerte-suwerte n’ya, ‘noh?

Heckler: Finally, Dinky Soliman…
GMA: Traydor!

Heckler: Erap…
GMA: Emperador!

Heckler: Lilia Pineda…
GMA: Kubrador. Ooops, shorry ulit… paki-erase na lang ng part na ito, please? Mahal ko ang kumare kong ‘yan ‘noh?

Heckler: Mrs. President, I have a hypothetical question. Sana po ay sagutin n’yo. Kung sakali pong makulong kayo habambuhay dahil sa katiwalian at kurapsyon, ‘buti nga sa ‘yo!
GMA: Teka, teka, medyo nalito ako. Your question is…
Heckler: ‘Di bale na lang po, baka ma-late kayo sa inyong appointment. Huling tanong na lang po: Ano pong grado ang ibibigay n’yo sa performance ng ating Pangulo after a year in office?
GMA: Alam naman ng lahat na naging estudyante ko ‘yan sa Ateneo ‘noh. Well, some things never change. Pasang-awa pa rin. If it’s any consolation, consistent siya sa kanyang sub-par performance.

Heckler: Any advice po sa ating Pangulo?
GMA: I only have three words for him: “Tigilan mo na ako!”
Heckler: Ma’am, four words po ‘yan.
GMA: The nerve! It must be the nerve. Sorry, I have to go. Thank you.
Heckler: Thank you rin ma’am.
-END OF INTERVIEW-
——————————————————————————-
“Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.”
~Tryon Edwards

Quote of the Weak
“Tell that to the anchovies. They treat the public like small fishes with small brains.”
-Lawyer Raul Lambino on palace claims it had nothing to do with Zaldy Ampatuan’s and Lintang Bedol’s statements against his client, the Arroyos

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang imbestigahan ang mga rebelasyon nina Lintang Bedol at Zaldy Ampatuan kaugnay ng dayaan sa Maguindanao noong 2007?
-Dapat lang para may closure. 53.74%
-Move on. 19.05%
-Wala akong pakialam. Uy, na-try n’yo na ba ang Google+ ? 27.21%

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Have a great week ahead!

LAPSES

DID YOU MONITOR the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee’s hearing on the PCSO fund mess Wednesday? The hearing was attended by several bishops plus, of course, their savior, the senators.

At least eight bishops and a dozen senators converged Wednesday in the Senate. It was a face-off between pretentious, holier-than-thou, self-proclaimed devout Catholics, and bishops.

PCSO chair Margie Juico apologized for saying that the bishops received “Pajeros.” Sen. Jinggoy Estrada lectured Juico, and said “As a devout Catholic, it pains me to hear that our bishops are involved in anomalies here in our country.” To which, the bishops replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos admitted that he made a “lapse in judgment” when he asked for “a brand new car.” And in a move that shocked both the bishops and senators, Virgilio Garcillano issued a statement saying he never gave Pueblos a car.

Reading from a prepared opening statement, controversial Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos admitted that he made a “lapse in judgement” in asking for “a brand new car” from former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. As soon as he was done reading, the other bishops held hands and started singing, “If We Hold on Together.”

Actress Susan Roces who was watching Bishop Pueblos on TV was like, “Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw! You wrote that letter not once, but twice!”

Zaldy
Former governor Zaldy Ampatuan revealed that ex-president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was involved in the election fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Likewise, he  revealed that Jose Rizal was killed by the Spanish; the Earth revolves around the sun, and John Lennon was shot by Mark David Chapman.

Apparently, Zaldy Ampatuan wants to turn state witness. Against Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

Zaldy Ampatuan has initiated court proceedings to change his last name. He is seeking a little compassion and empathy from the public. Hopefully, the judge would grant his petition to use the surname Mangudadatu.

Lintang Bedol
Former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol has surfaced and accused the Arroyos of masterminding the election fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Oh, I thought Lintang Bedol was dead. Well, now he is.

Lintang Bedol has exposed the alleged massive poll fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Following his revelation, Bedol expressed fear for his life while Miguel Zubiri expressed fear for his post.

With his revelations against the Arroyos and other officials of the previous administration, Lintang Bedol has expressed fear for his life. He now considers changing his name.

De Lima’s Lovelife
Interviewed on ANC’s Strictly Politics, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima, whose marriage was annulled in 2001, admitted that she has a boyfriend. The 51-year-old single mom refuses to identify the guy nor his background but reveals she has six (new) witnesses to prove her claim.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima has a lovelife. Take that Mr. President!

Absent!
Among congressmen with the most number of absences in sessions, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao placed fourth. In other words, he’s not present when solons deliberate on important issues. How are they able to tell?

Ang Galing Pinoy party-list Rep. Mikey Arroyo topped the list of absentees in the House of Representatives. In May 2011 alone, Mikey failed to attend a single session of the chamber. In totally unrelated news, Rufa Mae Quinto topped the list of absentees among “Showbiz Central” hosts for the month of May.
——————————————————————————————-
“Men of ill judgment ignore the good that lies within their hands, ‘til they have lost it.”
~Sophocles

Quote of the Week
“Manny’s a good friend, I actually love him. I love his tenacity, I love his competitiveness. So, Manny’s my guy.”
~NBA superstar Kobe Bryant on Manny Pacquiao

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang ipagbawal ang billboard ng mga naka-underwear na modelo/celebrities??
-Dapat lang. Offensive! 35.36%
-Hayaan na lang! Karapatan nila ‘yan. 26.15%
-Big deal? Ke meron o wala, wala akong pakialam sa mga ‘yan. 38.49%

Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!
It was an awesome experience – as always. Kobe’s fourth visit to Manila was the most attended. Araneta Coliseum was filled to the rafters. Laker and non-Laker fans trooped to the Big Dome Wednesday to see the Black Mamba.

Thank you again TJ Manotoc for the tickets. I was seated beside two Azkals, Jason Sabio and Simon Greatwich, whom I wrongly identified in my tweet as Rob Gier. Apologies.

Thank you Kobe for the visit. Lakers4ever.

Personal
I have a Twitter follower whose father, Mr. Lory Ordenes is a regular reader of this blog. Magandang araw po sa mga taga-Sablayan, Occidental Mindoro and thanks for reading sir!

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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ALL APOLOGIES

IN A PASTORAL STATEMENT read by outgoing CBCP president Nereo Odchimar Monday, the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines apologized to the members of the Catholic Church after several bishops got embroiled in the PCSO fund controversy. Here’s a portion of that letter [and what the CBCP wanted to say but couldn’t in parentheses.]

Our Dear People of God,
[Mga Tagasunod,]

Our Mother Church has been deeply wounded by the controversies in the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office that have erupted in the past two weeks.
[Nitong mga nakaraang linggo, sumusobra na kayo. Pikon na ang Simbahan. As in!]

Some members of the Church believe in the innocence of the bishops involved in the issue, while others do not.
[Kung ayaw n’yong maniwala, ‘wag!]

There is no doubt that everywhere in the Church there is great sorrow.
[Kung saan-saan na kami nagdasal, ayaw pa ring tumigil!]

We your pastors are one with you.
[Higit kailanman, kailangan namin kayo ngayon.]

… we are sorry for the pain and sadness that these events have brought upon you.
[‘Sensya na, tao lang.]

We are saddened that many of you… have been confused because of the apparent inconsistency of our actions…
[Hindi lang kayo ang 'confused!' Marami ring pari at obispo ang confused!']

As we express our sadness, we also ask you to be slow in judgment…
[‘Wag kayong mapanghusga. Bakit?! Talaga namang kadiri ang same-sex marriage ah. Judgmental ba ‘yon?]

Let us seek the truth always in charity.
[Lalabas din ang katotohanan. Basta ang donasyon, ituloy n’yo lang.]

We assure you that the bishops concerned are ready to accept responsibility for their action…
[Kinastigo na namin at binantaang ititiwalag. Kapag ‘di pa naman nagtanda ‘yong mga ‘yon, ewan na lang.]

We assure you that their action was done without malice.
[Maliban na lang do'n sa isa. Nakadalawang sulat pala ang damuho! Ang kapal talaga ng mukha!]

Out of their sincere desire to help their people, they failed to consider the pitfalls to which these grants could possibly lead them.
[Kita n’yo na? Fault n’yo ‘to eh! Kayo ang dahilan kung bakit nagawa ng mga obispo 'yon!]

They have also expressed their readiness to do everything that is necessary to heal this wound so that we can all move forward in hope.
[Ibabalik na nga namin ang mga sasakyan eh. Ba’t ba ang kulit n’yo? Anong akala n’yo sa ‘min? Patay-gutom? Mas mayaman ang Simbahan kesa sa PCSO ‘no?]

We shall examine our values in the light of our vocation to be disciples of Jesus Christ.
[Masakit pero kakayanin.]

We plead with you to walk with us in this path of constant renewal.
[Akala ng Noynoy na ‘yan, siya lang ang may matuwid na daan!? Kami rin!]

We express again our deep sorrow for the pain that the recent events have brought to you our beloved people.
[Paulit-ulit na kaming nagso-sorry. Akala n’yo ba madaling gawin ‘to? Hindi!]

The good Lord knows our love for you.
[Kaya nga kami nag-request ng 4 x 4, para mabisita namin kayo ‘di ba? Hindi pa ba sapat na pruweba ‘yan ng aming pagmamahal?]

The words of the Psalmist come to our mind: “My sacrifice, a contrite spirit. A humbled, contrite heart you will not spurn.”
[Patawad na kasi, ano ba?!]

As the same Psalmist addresses the Lord, we take his words as our own to encourage and challenge us: “Indeed you love truth in the heart; then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom.”
[Natuto na kami. Promise, ‘di na mauulit.]

For the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines,
['Tapos na ang termino ko! Isang malaking good luck sa kapalit ko!]

+NEREO P. ODCHIMAR, D.D.
Bishop of Tandag
President, Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines
July 11, 2011

Margie vs. Manoling
The word war between PCSO chair Margie Juico and former PCSO chair Manoling Morato is getting personal – and ugly. Morato accused Juico of “charging even her sanitary napkins to PCSO.” In all fairness to Manoling, he uses his own money to buy one.

Caught
A saltwater crocodile suspected of killing and devouring a fisherman had been caught in Brgy. Rio Tuba, Bataraza, Palawan. But the croc insists a case cannot be filed against him citing parliamentary immunity.
——————————————————————-
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
~Kimberly Johnson

Quote of the Weak
“Margie Juico has been charging her grocery bills and even sanitary napkins to PCSO.”
~Former PCSO Chair/Director Manoling Morato

Have a safe and productive week!

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HYPOCRITES, INC.

Intelligence Funds
During Thursday’s Senate hearing, it was revealed that in 2010 alone, the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office released 150 million pesos for intelligence – higher than the AFP’s annual intelligence fund of 124.3 million pesos. Former PCSO General Manager Rosario Uriarte defended the disbursement of the amount saying the PCSO was able to neutralize Communist rebels, Muslim extremists, and the Abu Sayyaf Group.

PCSO General Manager Rosario Uriarte revealed that the letters of request for intelligence funds totaling 325 million pesos from April 2008 to Feb. 25, 2010 were approved by then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Uriarte was certain those were GMA’s signatures because she was just one foot away from her when she signed the documents.

JV vs. Mikey
Amid the PCSO fund controversy, former president Joseph Estrada’s son, San Juan Rep. JV Ejercito traded barbs with former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s son, Pampanga Rep. Mikey Arroyo. Here’s their fiery Twitter exchange:

@TheRealJVEjercito
For the reason that they have taken advantage of the Filipino people, they should be sentenced with life imprisonment.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Palibhasa neophyte ka sa Kongreso kaya wala kang paggalang sa kapwa mo kongresista. Publicity lang ang habol mo.

@TheRealJVEjercito
Correction! Hindi publicity ang habol ko. Ang habol ko, maipakulong kayo!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Wow, ang linis. Sino bang na-sentensyahan ng life imprisonment dahil sa plunder? Eh ‘di ba ‘yong ama mo?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Hoy! For your information hindi pera ng gobyerno ang kinuha ng tatay ko!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Ah oo nga naman, jueteng money ‘yon. Pera ng tao. Eh ‘di mas malala!

@TheRealJVEjercito
May mas lalala pa ba sa pandaraya sa eleksyon ng ina mo!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Ina mo rin! Tapos na ang isyung ‘yan. ‘Wag mo nang ungkatin. Bitter ka lang dahil hindi nagtagal sa puwesto ang tatay mo! ‘Buti na lang at nabisto ang mga kickback niya sa jueteng!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Ah ganun!? Eh ‘yong kickback ng magulang mo sa NBN-ZTE deal? Kumusta naman?

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Hindi nasangkot ang nanay ko sa murder. Baka lang nalimutan mo, hindi pa sarado ang kaso nina Dacer at Corbito!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Fertilizer fund scam ng ina mo!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Boracay mansion ng ama mo!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Mas kaduda-duda naman ang mga mansion n’yo sa California!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
At least ang nanay ko, walang kabit at hindi marami ang asawa?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Rufa Mae Quinto!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
‘Wag kang mamersonal! Break na kami. Last year pa!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Hahaha! Wala ka nang maisumbat! Naubusan ka na talaga! Loser!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Anong wala? Kapatid mo si Jinggoy!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Eeew. Matagal ko nang tinanggap ‘yon!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Eh bakit s’ya hindi pa?!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Hindi ko na ‘yon problema. Tapos ka na? Ako marami pa! Hello na lang kay Mrs. Lilia Pineda! Tumbok na otsenta, sahod na kuwarenta! Hahaha

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Kung magsalita ‘to, para naman ‘yong ama niya eh hindi kumita sa mga Pineda!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Old issue!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Walang utang na loob! Kung ‘di dahil sa ina ko, nakakulong pa rin ang ama mo.

@TheRealJVEjercito
Walang kasalanan ang tatay ko.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Babaero at lasenggo!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Rehashed.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Sugarol!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Recycled.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Bakla!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Tanga! Baka ‘yong kapatid ko.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Haha! Addict ka talaga!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Ay siya rin ‘yon! Joooke! You didn’t hear it from me huh!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Sure! So pa’no? Ceasefire muna?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Oks lang. Dahil tomorrow naman ay Linggo, payag ako. Unsolicited advice lang: magsimba kayo!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Bakit naman pati ‘yon pinapakialaman mo?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Wala naman. Concerned lang. Sa dami ng ibinabatong kaso sa ina mo, hindi lang doble kundi tripleng dasal ang kailangan n’yo.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Wait, sino nga ulit ang bakla sa mga kapatid mo?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Ha-ha-ha Peace! Logout na ‘ko!
-END OF TWITTER EXCHANGE-

SUV-shops
The good news is seven bishops will return the PCSO money used to purchase their sport utility vehicles. The bad news is starting tomorrow (Sunday), there will be a second collection at the end of Mass.

Butuan Bishop Juan de Dios Pueblos says he is a victim of “character assassination.” Excuse me Bishop, but last time we checked, it was you who asked for “a brand new car, possibly a 4 x 4” for your birthday gift! There was hardly anything left of your character to “assassinate!”

Top 10 Things Overheard at the CBCP’s Bi-Annual Plenary Meeting Held Saturday, July 9, 2011

No. 10: “Ang tigas kasi ng ulo mo! Sinabihan na kita noon pa, lumayo ka na kay GMA. Hindi ka nakinig. O, anong napala mo?”

No. 9: “Sa ayaw at sa gusto n’yo, ibabalik natin! Ito lang ang paraan upang malinis ang pangalan ng Simbahan.”

No. 8: “Bishop, sino sa palagay n’yo ang ama ng ipinagbubuntis ni Andi Eigenmann? Albie Casiño o Jake Ejercito? | Ay! Mas pasok sa plangganang butas ‘yong Jake! In fairness! Forgive me Lord!”

No. 7: “Sino ba ang Elizabeth Angsioco na ‘yan at bakit ‘di n’yo mapatahimik?”

No. 6: “Hello? Hello? Medyo chubby po kayo Madam President. Ang labo po ng linya n’yo. Hello? Nasa plenary meeting lang po ako. Let me return your call in a while. Yes Madam President. Yes. Huwag ho kayong mag-alala. Hindi ko kayo ilalaglag.”

No. 5: “‘Yong pito sa inyo na laman ng balita ngayon, umisip na kayo ng ibibigay na eksplanasyon sa Vaticano. Mga hinayupak kayo!”

No. 4: “Ito ay pagsubok lamang sa katatagan ng ating paninindigan laban sa RH Bill. Huwag kayong bibigay sa pressure ng mga kampon ng demonyo.”

No. 3: “Pareng Bishop, atin-atin lang ‘to huh! Nakita mo ba ‘yong binaklas na billboard ng Philippine Volcanoes sa Edsa? Grabe! Hindi ko kinaya. Luveeet!”

No. 2: “After ng plenary, kausapin n’yo na ang mga in-assign sa inyong abogado. Paturo na kayo ng isasagot para hindi kayo tatanga-tanga ‘pag tinanong kayo sa hearing next week.”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the CBCP’s bi-annual plenary meeting held Saturday, July 9…

“Hindi naman ako ang unang nag-draft ng letter na ‘yon kay GMA eh. Hiniram ko lang ‘yong template ni Bishop ******. Bakit ‘yong sulat ko ang napag-initan ni Margie Juico at ng PCSO?”

Overseas
Last Tuesday, a Florida jury found Casey Anthony not guilty of killing her 2-year-old daughter Caylee in 2008. Anthony wasn’t happy though because just this morning, the DOJ and the NBI announced they had found at least six new witnesses against her.
————————————————————————
“We have two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice and another which we practice but seldom preach.”
~Bertrand Russell

You Have Spoken
Ayon sa ilang obispo, pinag-iinitan daw sila ng gobyerno. Makatwiran ba ang kanilang reklamo?
-Oo nga naman. Unfair ang trato sa kanila. 7.1%
-Hindi ‘no! Dapat lang silang imbestigahan! 85.8%
-Magbabasa muna ako. Huli na ‘ko sa balita. 7.1%

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“A BRAND NEW CAR!”

HERE’S A COPY OF THE LETTER sent to then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo by Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos asking for a birthday gift. Note: Alleged original draft of the letter in parentheses.

February 2009

HER EXCELLENCY GLORIA MACAPAGAL-ARROYO
President, Republic of the Philippines
Malacañang Palace
Manila

Dear Madam President,
(Hello Friendship)

I will be celebrating my 66th birthday on March 8, 2009. (Obvious ba kung ano ang pakay ng aking liham?)

I know this will be a precious day and timely occasion to thank the Lord for giving me another year. (Tiba-tiba na naman! Babaha na naman ng regalo mula sa mga sipsip na pulitiko.)

After a prayerful discernment and due considerations to the existing crisis phenomenon today…
(Ang dami kasing imoral eh kaya minamalas ang Pilipinas!)

I have decided not to hold a birthday party.
(Nagda-diet ako. Gusto kong magka-abs para maisuot ko naman ang binili kong tight-fit shirt.)

Instead, I prefer to make use of my birthday as a day with and for myself, and with God.
(Nag-day off ang kasambahay kong si Milagring. May date ang paborito kong sacristan na si Tomas. Nag-iisa ako dito. No choice.)

Having been declared, awarded and honored from your good office as ‘Peace Champion of Caraga…’
(In fairness to me, I did not expect the award. At lalong hindi ko binili. Although, yeah, I prayed hard for it.)

I am grateful to God that He has made me an instrument of His peace, especially here in Mindanao.
(Take that Sara Duterte!)

I know I can do more to promote and work for peace.
(Basta suportado natin ang isa’t isa, walang problema!)

It is in this view that I am asking a favor from your Excellency.
(Kapag tumanggi, mapupunta sa impyerno.)

At present, I really need a brand-new car, possibly a 4 x 4, which I can use to reach the far-flung areas of Caraga.
(Inuulit ko, bagong kotse! 4 x 4! No more, no less. Choosy ako eh, bakit ba?)

I hope you will never fail to give a brand new car which would serve as your birthday gift to me.
(Sawang-sawa na ako sa padala mong flowers at birthday cake taun-taon. For a change, kotse naman!)

For your information, I have with me a 7-year-old car which is not anymore in good running condition.
(Halos dalawang termino ka na, wala pa akong napapala sa ‘yo. Manhid!)

Therefore, this needs to be replaced very soon.
(Now na!)

I am anticipating your favorable response on this regard.
(Huwag na huwag mong hihindian ang birthday wish ko kung ayaw mong siraan kita sa mga kasama kong obispo!)

Thank you very much.
(Pasalamat ka at divided ang CBCP! Kung hindi, naku…)

Be assured of my constant support and sincerest prayers to your Excellency.
(Oras na matanggap ko ang bagong kotse, promise, kahit wala ka na sa puwesto, susuportahan pa rin kita.)

God bless you.
(Nagdadasal ka pa ba?)

Sincerely,
(Seryoso ako. Umayos ka!)

Most Rev. Juan De Dios Pueblos, D.D.
Bishop of Butuan (Friendship)
P.O. Box 54, 8600 Butuan City

IN OTHER NEWS…
President Aquino has finally decided to let go of his luxury sports car, a 4.5 million-peso Porsche. Close aides reveal it is the President’s most painful breakup ever.

President Aquino confirmed that he had sold his controversial 4.5 million-peso Porsche. The President said he decided to sell the car because it was “putting unnecessary security risks;” it was time to “let somebody experience it,” and it was the best way to make amends with Juana Change.

In letting go of his sports car, President Aquino said, “It was time to let somebody experience it also.” To which, DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas said, “You’re not talking about my wife, are you?”

Photo of the Weak
Here’s the controversial unflattering photo of President Aquino reportedly released by a palace photographer (Photo from Raissa Robles’ blog)
Mechanics: Stare at the photo for 116  seconds, and then answer the following questions:
1: Anong TV show ang una mong naisip nang makita mo ang larawang ito? (A) The Working President (B) Fringe or The X-Files (C) Wow Mali!
2: May trabaho pa kaya ang taong nagpalabas ng larawang ito?
3: Batay sa larawan, ano ang brand ng sigarilyo ng Pangulo?
4: Menthol o Lights?
5: Kaninong brilliant idea kaya ang wallpaper na ‘yon? (Malunggay, anyone?)
6: Saan napunta ang buhok ng Pangulo?
7: Bakit malinis ang kanyang table? (A) Neat lang talaga siya (B) Uwian na! (C) Walang pakialaman ng table! Presidente siya. Bakit? May hacienda ka ba?
8: Titigan ang presidente: Anong problema mo?
9: ‘Yan ang tanggapan ng Pangulo ng Republika ng Pilipinas. Bakit ba ayaw n’yong maniwala?

For a chance to win a brand new car, “possibly a 4 x 4″ – isulat ang mga sagot sa kapirasong papel, isilid sa isang puting envelope, lagyan ng pangalan, edad, at address saka lagdaan, at ihulog sa pinakamalapit na simbahan. Ulitin ang proseso hangga’t ‘di ka nananalo! Good luck!

Quote of the Weak
Davao City Vice Mayor Rodrigo Duterte:
“Ano? Mga columnists? Oh! (shows dirty finger) ‘Tang-i*a! (expletive), hindi lang sampal ang inabot noon. (Expletive), you wage a battle against your own people using policemen?”
Ano ang akmang pamagat/caption sa larawang ito?
A: “Sa Manila, Dirty Harry. Sa Davao, Dirty Finger!” (Courtesy of @mikevchua)
B: “Finger lookin’ god.”
C: “DutDutertehin kita d’yan eh!”

Taray Queen
Actress Maricel Soriano has been accused of kicking and flashing a dirty finger at her former maids. Reports say Soriano has no plans of facing her accusers but has expressed interest in running for vice mayor of Davao City.
————————————————————————————–
“Your religion is what you do when the sermon is over.”
~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Quote of the Week
“The Presidential Security Group has a heart attack whenever he uses the car.”
~Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang on President Aquino’s decision to sell his Porsche

Briefly Noted
In his column Tuesday in the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Ramon Tulfo re-printed a portion of my recent blog post titled, “ONE DOWN.” He said the quote came from an “anonymous author.” To Mr. Tulfo and the Inquirer’s Metro editor Mr. Abelardo S. Ulanday: FYI lang, naimbento na po ang Google. Thank you.

Elsewhere
ABS-CBN News: UP, Ateneo in world’s top 50 English-teaching universities

You Have Spoken
Tama ba ang ginawang pananapak ni Davao City Mayor Inday Sara Duterte sa court sheriff?
-Oo! Kasalanan ‘yon ng sheriff. Ang kulit eh. 25.48%
-Mali. Kahit saan tingnan, maling manapak. 67.52%
-Hintayin na lang ang resulta ng imbestigasyon. 7.01%

Enjoy the rest of the week. Ingat!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

VICTORS

New DOTC Chief
Defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas took his oath as DOTC secretary before President Aquino today, July 4. Of course, Korina Sanchez was also present in Malacañang. She was beside her husband and in front of her ex-future husband.

Top 5 Inadvertently Inserted But Omitted Portions of Mar Roxas’ Oath As Administered by President Aquino

No. 5: “I, Manuel Araneta Roxas II / do solemnly swear / that I shall remain loyal / to your ex-girlfriend now, my wife… ”

No. 4: “I, Manuel Araneta Roxas II / do solemnly swear / that I shall wait for my turn / to be appointed within the year / as Executive Secretary… ”

No. 3: “I, Manuel Araneta Roxas II / do solemnly swear / and I mean, i really can do swear/ It’s on YouTube!“

No. 2: “Ako si Manuel Araneta Roxas II / pinuno ng grupong Balay sa gabinete / ay sumusumpang isusulong at pu-protektahan ang interes ng aking grupo laban sa interes ng mga taong Samar. So help me friendship.”

And the no. 1 inadvertently inserted but omitted portions of Mar Roxas’ oath of office as administered by President Aquino…

“I, Manuel Araneta Roxas II / do solemnly swear / that I will faithfully and conscientiously fulfill my duties / as DOTC secretary slash acting President of the Philippines…”

Today & Tomorrow?
DOTC First Lady Korina Sanchez and the woman being linked to DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas, Palace social secretary Susan Reyes
Ano ang sinasabi ng mga tao sa larawan?
A: “Tara, kiss tayo para mawala ang tsismis!”
B: “Ahihihi! Ayoko nga! Eh kung hambalusin mo ako ng iyong braso? Ang lapad pa naman!”
C: “Ganito humalik si Mar sa ‘kin! Mamatay ka sa inggit!”
D: “Ay! Iba ang style niya sa akin! Ahihihi Basta! Iba!”

Inday Sara
The good news is Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte is taking a leave of absence while the DILG investigates Friday’s punching incident. The scary news is her father, Vice Mayor Rodrigo Duterte is taking over.

Integrated Bar of the Philippines national president Roan Libarios has encouraged court sheriff Abe Andres to file a disciplinary complaint against Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte. Andres thanked Libarios for his support but the sheriff insisted that he’s a devout Catholic who’s strongly against suicide.

Asked if she regretted what happened last Friday, Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte explained she got incensed when violence erupted at the demolition. Ohhh, so she hated violence. What do you call then those three solid punches? Diplomacy?

Controversial Mayor Inday Sara Duterte has apologized for her outburst last Friday. Despite the apology however, a mass resignation has been announced by the Hyatt 10.

Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte says it’s okay if she gets disbarred for punching a court sheriff. What worries her more is the rumor that the Nevada State Athletic Commission is suspending her license to fight in Las Vegas.

Some people are comparing Mayor Sara Duterte to action king FPJ. Now that’s what you call South Poe.

Azkals Win
The Philippine Azkals clobbered the Sri Lanka Brave Reds in the FIFA World Cup qualifiers at Rizal Stadium Sunday. Watched by thousands of Filipinos, it was indeed a big win for… Studio 23!

President Aquino congratulated the Philippine Azkals for its 4-0 win against the Sri Lanka Brave Reds. The President believes the Azkals could have scored more goals if not for the heavy rains and the Arroyo administration.

Filipino-German right winger Stephan Markus Cabizares Schröck was given a yellow card after almost trading blows with a Sri Lankan footballer. Schröck was pacified by teammates who reminded him that he had no right to punch an opponent. He was advised to run for city mayor first.

Thousands of Filipinos watched the PH-Sri Lanka game at Rizal Stadium. Among the attendees were ABS-CBN big boss Gabby Lopez, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim, and Philippine Azkals First Lady Angel Locsin.

Top 5 Most Surprising Birthday Text Messages Received By Imelda Marcos on Her 82nd Birthday

No. 5: “Madam First Lady, remind lang kita huh! Ipinaglaban ko ang full military honors para sa asawa n’yo. Walang iwanan sa 2016, okay? Naragsak a kasangay! – Jojo B”

No. 4: “Uy, 82 years old ka na pala! Ang tatag mo rin huh! ‘Wag kang mag-alala. Bibigyan pa kita ng 50 more years! Wala kang choice. – Lord”

No. 3: “Dear Imelda, You’re the epitome of beauty, grace, wit, and charm. You’re compassionate and have nothing but love for the less-fortunate. Idolo talaga kita. Happy birthday! Nagmamahal, Imelda”

No. 2: “Ano ba ‘yan, nagpa-party ka na naman! Maawa naman kayo! Pagod na pagod na ako. Ang init-init na nga sa kinaroroonan ko, ayaw n’yo pa akong patahimikin. – Ferdie”

And the No. 1 most surprising birthday text messages received by Imelda Marcos on her 82nd birthday…

“gud am po ma’am! happy b’day po muna. naiwan n’yo nga po pala dito sa bahay ang formalin. kailangan pong mag-inject kayo 2day sabi ni doc. dadalhin ko po ba d’yan?”
————————————————————
“Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary.”
~Gandhi

Photo of the Weak
From the Facebook account of an entertainment talk show, this photo was posted by a viewer. We know the politician but who’s the girl?

Quotes of the Weak
“Ok lang na ma-disbar ako, sukad wala man ko nag-work as lawyer. Sayang lang ako 5 years nag-eskwela nga gihaguan nako. (It’s okay that I get disbarred. I never got to work as a lawyer anyway. I just wasted 5 years studying law.)
~Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte

“I had complete deprivation of my worldly and country assets. [After EDSA] we didn’t even know where to get our next meal.”
~Ilocos Norte Rep. Imelda Marcos who turned 82 last Saturday

Have a great week ahead!

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ONE DOWN

IT’S BEEN A YEAR since voters decided to elect the candidate who would bring change.
A leader who is strong.
A leader who will defend the poor and the oppressed.
A leader who’s unafraid. A leader who’s got balls.
Yes, it’s been a year. So happy 1st year in office…
Sara Duterte!

Million Dollar Baby
Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte punched a Davao RTC Branch 15 sheriff who was serving a demolition order on Friday. Duterte won by unanimous decision… in social networking sites.

For refusing to delay for two more hours the demolition of shanties in Agdao district, court sheriff Abe Andres was punched on the face by Mayor Sara Duterte. The sheriff sustained a cut, a black eye, and a bruised ego.

Television footage showed Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte landed 3 out of 3 punches (100%) while Sheriff Andres landed in the hospital.

Netizens are comparing Mayor Sarah Duterte to Cong. Manny Pacquiao. But that’s unfair. Pacquiao has never won a fight in 10 seconds.

Netizens say Mayor Sarah Duterte is the new Manny Pacquiao. That’s completely untrue mainly because everytime Pacman wins a fight, he apologizes to his opponent.

Court sheriff Abe Andres who was serving a demolition order inside a contested property in Davao’s Agdao district was punched at least three times on his face by Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte. Hell hath no fury like a Duterte scorned.

Last Thursday, June 30, Sunstar Davao quoted Mayor Sara Duterte as saying that chess and martial arts would be the “focus sports” of Davao City. Not anymore.

In Other News…
To mark his first year in office Thursday, June 30, President Aquino delivered his Ulat sa Bayan, otherwise known as ‘nothing that we didn’t read in the newspapers.’

Did you see the crowd at Philsports Arena? For a moment, I thought it was a prayer rally especially during that part in which President Aquino started talking about the devil that was the Arroyo government.

Marking the first anniversary of his administration, President Aquino delivered a well-applauded speech. Probably one of his best election campaign pitches ever.

In his Ulat sa Bayan, the President revealed anomalies in the PNCC, PCSO, and the NFA. The most surprising thing about that speech? There was no mention of his lovelife. (How could you!?)

CONGRATULATIONS President Aquino! You have successfully completed Level 1 of your presidency. Five more levels to go and you’re done. Good luck!
——————————————————————
“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”
~John Maxwell

NOON, NGAYON
Noon: Gusto mong magka-Pajero…  magtrabaho!
Ngayon: Gusto mong magka-Pajero… mag-Obispo!

Quote of the Week
“Pabahay, bigas, seguridad, pasahod, kalsada, pantawid pasada, at salbabida para sa mga kababayan nating nilulunod ng kahirapan: iyan po ang pagbabagong inaani natin ngayon.”
~President Aquino

You Have Spoken
Sa umano’y new developments sa Vizconde massacre case, sino ang higit na kapani-paniwala?
-DOJ at NBI 24.6%
-Hubert and the Webb Family 20.56%
-Litung-lito na ako. Hindi ko na alam kung sinong nagsasabi ng totoo. 54.84%

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Happy weekend! Stay safe!