HOLY SMOKE!

29 05 2011

No to Smoking
May 31 is World No Tobacco Day. To draw attention to the negative effects of smoking, the Department of Health will hold public forums on lung cancer, respiratory diseases, aging, and President Aquino’s lovelife.

No to Smoking II
Starting Monday, the MMDA will strictly implement Republic Act 9211, which prohibits smoking in public places. Violators will be fined 500 pesos on first offense. Public places include hospitals, government offices, schools, bus & jeepney terminals, loading and unloading bays, public playgrounds, plazas, and churches. Apparently, if you’re a heavy smoker, the only safe place for you is Malacañang.

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring President Aquino and his Cigarettes

No. 5: Bakit Ngayon Ka Lung Cancer?

No. 4: The Joy Halak Club

No. 3: Dude, Where’s my Tar?

No. 2: All the President’s Phlegm

And the No. 1 movie remake starring President Aquino and his cigarettes…

The Good, the Bald, and the Smelly


Marcos’ Burial
Vice President Jejomar Binay has finished conducting a survey on the issue of whether former president Ferdinand Marcos’ refrigerated body should be buried or not at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus zero degrees Centigrade.

Erap in Manila
A tabloid report says former president Joseph Estrada is running for mayor of Manila in 2013. But critics say that’s not possible since Erap is a resident of San Juan. Estrada has clarified the report though saying he’s not running in Manila but in the ARMM!


ARMM Polls
Socialite and former Tarlac governor Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco said her nephew, President Aquino could not stop her from seeking the vice gubernatorial post in the ARMM. Just so you know, Tingting Cojuangco’s a feisty woman. Not even her husband Peping could stop her from getting those Botox injections.

New Rep
Ryan Luis Singson has been elected representative of Ilocos Sur’s first district replacing his jailed brother, Ronald. Unlike his Kuya, Ryan is said to be younger, gentler, and a lot more careful when in Hong Kong.

Grand Lotto
Nobody has won the 320 million-peso jackpot in the 6/55 Grand Lotto. The PCSO says bettors have a bigger chance of winning this time mainly because Inquirer reporter Miko Morelos has stopped placing bets.

Noon, Ngayon
Noon: Ang bilanggo, dinadalaw.
Ngayon: Ang bilanggo, dumadalaw.

Noon: Kapag nakinig ka sa homily ng obispo, naliliwanagan.
Ngayon: Kapag nakinig ka sa homily ng obispo, nagwu-walkout.

Noon: Ang mahigpit na magkatunggali: administrasyon at oposisyon.
Ngayon: Ang mahigpit na magkatunggali: Balay at Samar sa posisyon.

Noon: Kapag bagsak ang rating ng presidente, “Kagagawan ng oppositionists!”
Ngayon: Kapag bagsak ang rating ng presidente, “Kagagawan ng columnists!”

Noon: Ang ‘lovelife’ ng presidente, mababasa sa diyaryo.
Ngayon: Ang ‘lovelife’ ng presidente, mababasa sa kanyang speech.
—————————————————————————————-
“The best way to stop smoking is to just stop – no ifs, ands or butts.”
~Edith Zittler

Old Joke
Use Philip, Marlboro, Hope, and Champion in a sentence.
Answer: Philip kitang hinahanap, nasa Marlboro country ka lang pala; Hope!!! ‘Wag kang tatakas! Champion ka talaga!

-Naknampoodle, saksakan nang corny!

You Have Spoken
On Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s “Pay to Stay” proposal for rich prisoners:
– Sure! Para naman kumita ang gobyerno. 20.46%
- Tutol ako d’yan. Ano sila sinusuwerte? 74.59%
– Pag-aaralan ko muna. 4.95%

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Have a safe and fun week ahead!

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18 responses

29 05 2011
anon

p-noy not only enjoys the cigarettes but also the butts.
time he put a plug in it – oops, he enjoys that also.

30 05 2011
hikatalomato

Q: what is the first sign of AIDS?
A: a pounding sensation in the butt.

29 05 2011
anon

plus ca change.
singson and cojuangco.
ding dongs joke ceremony yesterday was also like a roll call of criminals and adulterers at a convention.
throw in a plunderer or two and a lot of bad actors and it was obviously the social event of the day.

29 05 2011
anon

Old joke adapted.
2 men outside manila restaurant in the rain.
1 takes out a cigarette and puts a condom on it.
‘ what are you doing’ the other man says.
‘ it keeps it dry’. he replies.

Next day the man goes to the pharmacy and asks for a packet of condoms.
‘ what size sir’
‘ it doesnt matter as long as it fits a camel’

smokers say yes to rh bill.

(Camel is brand of cigarette for the uninitiated)

29 05 2011
anon

in the photos
marcos, erap, and tingting start to look the same.
must be patients of vicki ‘ frankenstein ‘ belo. one look for all.

29 05 2011
mimi

holy smoke, noynoy!

29 05 2011
ivan

Nice one.

30 05 2011
senior60

medyo nahiyahiya pa ng kaunti si tingting, vice gobernador

lang muna ang tinakbuhan

30 05 2011
hikatalomato

in short, may nararamdaman pa siya. hahaha

30 05 2011
summer

LOL @ the old joke.

remembered my elem days.

30 05 2011
summer

LOL @ the old joke.

remembered my elem days.

30 05 2011
timpaul

Corny nga yung joke. at least, may mais naman ngayun from you.

30 05 2011
zippo

Notwithstanding the President’s entreaties to have the ARMM Elections postponed, the President’s aunt, Tingting Cojuangco, remains UNMOVED — much like her face!

30 05 2011
fatboyrunning

ang corny nga! pilit pa. hehe.

have a nice day, ph!

30 05 2011
Worried Pinoy

Saksakan nga nang corny PH! =)

30 05 2011
hikatalomato

quitting smoking is very easy. i tried it several times.

31 05 2011
Hunter Lizie

Hi.. Sorry, Offtopic lang. Gusto ko lang i-share. Narinig ko sa radio program ni Ex-VP Noli De Castro kaninang umaga. Interview with Congresswoman Luzviminda Ilagan.

Regarding the Proposed Divorce Bill:

De Castro: kayo po ba e happily married or separated din po
Ilagan: widowed. ive been happily married for 23 years
De Castro: ah.. widowed.. patay na… sigurado kayong patay na

Laugh trip!!!! :))

1 06 2011
etchosera

Juicemio!

No comment na nga lang. Mabait ako ngayon… promise!

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