COCAINE, CONDOM, QADDAFI

Singson Sentenced
After pleading guilty to cocaine trafficking, Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson was sentenced to 18 months in a Hong Kong prison. His father, Ilocos Sur Gov. Luis “Chavit” Singson tried but failed to stop the sentencing by seeking the help of Vice President Jejomar Binay.

Ilocos Sur Gov. Luis “Chavit” Singson told the press that his son Ronald was “a victim” of drug abuse. Sought for comment, ‘Drug Abuse’ denied Singson’s allegation and threatened to sue the governor for libel.

Congressman Ronald Singson has been convicted, sentenced and imprisoned. Everybody believes he’s guilty… except for his colleagues at the House of Representatives.

Actress Lovi Poe was in tears after the sentencing. For the next 18 months, she’ll definitely miss the man, the lover, and the free concert tickets.

Speaking of addicts…
The Sangguniang Barangay of Ayala Alabang in Muntinlupa City has passed an ordinance that includes a provision requiring doctor’s prescription (reseta) before someone could buy contraceptives like condoms… totally alarming village priests who are not used to doing it without rubber.

Barangay Ayala Alabang spokesperson Atty. Luis Sison says residents who will buy condoms from stores in other villages or cities will not be allowed to give them away or sell them in their barangay. First time offenders will face excommunication. Repeat offenders shall either be guillotined or burnt at the stake.

This just in! Pope Benedict XVI has just declared Barangay Ayala Alabang as the Little Vatican of Asia.

When he heard the news about the controversial ordinance of the Sangguniang Barangay of Ayala Alabang, Atty. Adel Tamano posted on Twitter, “That’s unconstitutional.” RH Bill proponents said, “That’s preposterous.” And Senator Lito Lapid shouted, “That’s my idea!”

Top 5 Possible Scenarios When You Buy A Condom From a Store Located at Barangay Ayala Alabang

No. 5: Ate, pagbili ng condom. >> May dala kang reseta iha? >> Wala po eh. Pero ‘wag kayong mag-alala. Doktor ang katalik ko.

No. 4: Miss, pagbilhan mo nga ako ng condom. >> ‘Asan sir ang prescription? >> Anong prescription? Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala? Ako ang kapitan sa barangay na ‘to! Prescription mo’ng mukha mo!

No. 3: Miss, condom nga. >> Naku, reseta muna. >> Ah ganun? Puwes, ‘wag na ‘wag kang magrereklamo kapag nag-motel tayo mamayang gabi!

No. 2: Miss, isang condom please. >> Sir, kailangan po ng prescription. >> Here, meron ako. >> Naku sir, kulang po ito. Dapat po specified ng doctor ang size at flavor.

And the No. 1 scenario when you buy a condom from a store located at Brgy. Ayala Alabang…

Miss, condom nga. Pakibilisan, nagmamadali ako. >> Teka lang sir, meron ba kayong reseta? >> Bakit!? Kailan pa naging sakit ang libog ko?

Nicotine Addict
The Philippine Medical Association says a person like President Aquino who is “addicted to an abused substance whether it is tobacco or illegal drugs needs professional help and is in a state of constant denial.” President Aquino said, “That’s not true.”

AFP Corruption Hearing
Mrs. Erlinda Ligot, wife of Lt. Col. Jacinto Ligot was a no-show during Thursday’s Senate hearing. Asked about the whereabouts of his wife, the former military comptroller said he totally forgot where he left her.

Lawyer Rafael Zialcita says the wife of former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot is confined at the Veteran’s Memorial Medical Center in Quezon City because of “headaches, abdominal pains, and other aches.” Official hospital records show there’s a total of eight “aches” under Mrs. Erlinda Ligot’s name.

Overseas…
Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi delivered a televised address Tuesday. The 69-year-old dictator spoke about the state of his Arab nation and vowed to stay in power despite calls for his resignation. At one point during the speech, he presented three poor Libyan boys who wrote their dreams on paper folded into boats and launched these into the Mediterranean Sea.

In a televised address Tuesday, Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi said he would never step down as president. He then enumerated his administration’s long-term goals toward achieving a Strong Republic.
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“Those who in principle oppose birth control are either incapable of arithmetic or else in favor of war, pestilence, and famine as permanent features of human life.”
~Bertrand Russell

Elsewhere
Dolce, Encore, Pharaoh and Icon mga gimikang tinukoy ng DPA ng ABS-CBN na pugad umano ng mga gumagamit ng cocaine. See exclusive interview here.

Maria Ressa: The Parody of People Power

Survey Says
Sang-ayon ba kayo sa pahayag ni Sen. Bongbong Marcos na posibleng kasing-unlad na tayo ng Singapore kung hindi napatalsik ang kanyang ama?
Tama siya! Sayang. 28.74%
Ulol! Umayos ka nga! 70.66%
Wala akong alam sa isyu. 0.6%

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TROUBLESHOOTERS

Postponed
China has delayed the execution of three Filipinos found guilty of drug smuggling. That was the good news that reverberated last Friday from Beijing to Manila – and to the Spratly Islands.

Vice President Jejomar Binay said China’s decision to delay the execution of three Filipinos was historic since Beijing has never postponed executions in the past. In fact, not even Great Britain was able to stop the execution of a British national in 2009 for drug smuggling. But then again, Britain does not lay claim to the Spratlys.

Some political observers say the stay of execution for three Filipinos could be related to the Spratly dispute. Manila goes “quiet” on its claim on the islands, Beijing delays the execution. Squid pro quo.

Special Envoys
Three days after sending Vice President Jejomar Binay to China, President Aquino sent former senator Mar Roxas to Taiwan. Last Friday, China postponed the execution of three Filipinos convicted of drug trafficking in Beijing. Samar Group, 1: Balay Group, 0.

Three Filipinos were to be executed in China and Jejomar Binay was sent to Beijing. Fourteen Taiwanese were deported to mainland China by the Philippines; Taiwan got mad and Mar Roxas was sent to Taipei. Rumors say the original choice for the Beijing trip was Roxas but Chinese officials opted to meet Binay citing its “one VP policy.”

Losing vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas was sent to Taiwan to “seek understanding.” Unconfirmed reports say while Taiwanese officials graciously welcomed Roxas, they refused to accept his explanation saying the one year ban on defeated candidates was still in effect.

This just in (11:30PM Tuesday):
Reports say Taiwan is still unhappy despite Mar Roxas’ visit. Or as Conrado De Quiros and the Samar Group would call it, “failed mission.”

RH Bill
The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines has reportedly pulled out of the Reproductive Health bill dialogue with the government. But President Aquino is not giving up on the CBCP yet. To appease the bishops, he is sending Vice President Binay to talk to them.

The CBCP has pulled out of the RH Bill talks with the government. Malacañang is accusing the bishops of practicing ‘withdrawal method.’

UST & the RH Bill
University of Santo Tomas professor Aguedo Florence Jalin Jr. instructed his students to post anti-RH bill remarks/comments on the Facebook page of (RH bill proponent) party-list group Akbayan in exchange for “bonus points” in class. When Akbayan officials noticed the “flooding” on the FB page, they knew UST was somehow involved.

Receiving an instruction from their professor, UST students flooded Akbayan’s Facebook page with anti-RH Bill remarks complete with their full names, courses, and school. That’s not surprising though. It’s really hard to change the mindset of a 400-year-old.

And then there were 3!
TV5 has unveiled its own news channel while GMA Network is set to launch GMA News TV on February 28. Senators and congressmen can’t wait to conduct more inquiries and investigations in aid of legislation.

Edsa Anniversary
The country is celebrating the 25th anniversary of Edsa People Power on Friday. Some 5,000 policemen will be deployed to provide security. And that’s for the President’s Porsche alone.

According to the EDSA People Power Commission, everything is set for the country’s celebration of the 25th anniversary of the 1986 Edsa People Power Revolution. Several activities have been lined up for Friday’s momentous occasion. The expected highlight of the event is the launching of the government’s own news channel.

Smokin’ President
Palace spokesman Attorney Edwin Lacierda says President Aquino has cut down on smoking. In fact, the President now consumes only half… of each cigarette stick that he lights up.

ER the Actor
Reports say former character actor, now Laguna Governor ER Ejercito is making not just one but two comeback movies this year… totally disproving the notion that very bad acting is never rewarded.

ER Ejercito will star in the Emilio Aguinaldo biopic. The Laguna governor is flattered. It will be the first movie in which he won’t play a crazed junkie.

Donaire Wins
Nonito Donaire Jr. has won the WBC/WBO bantamweight titles by knocking out Fernando Montiel of Mexico last Sunday. Donaire has practically won every single fight he had in the past 12 months… except for that one against his parents.

Korina and Mar
Interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Korina Sanchez categorically denied rumors she and Mar Roxas have called it quits telling an entertainment columnist, “My relationship with Mar has become deeper, more nourishing and happier.” In the interest of fairness, the Philippine Daily Inquirer will try to get the side of Roxas as soon as possible.
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“I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.”
~Star Trek, Mr. Spock

Briefly Noted
Probably out of force of habit, the Department of Tourism replaced the slogan “Tara, Biyahe Tayo” with its new campaign “Pilipinas, Tara Na!” | Tara na? Where? Sa Hong Kong?

Briefly Noted, Too
Have you seen Manny Pacquiao’s Datu Puti TVC? The copy includes the following lines:
Freddie Roach impersonator: May asim pa si Mommy.
Mommy Dionisia: May toyo ka yata eh.

In the version I caught last night, Mommy Dionisia’s “may toyo” line was noticeably edited out. Derogatory much?

Survey Says
Sa iyong palagay, mai-impeach ba ng Kamara si Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez?
Oo naman. May tiwala ako sa kanila. 21.95%
Asa pa! Kanya-kanyang interes ‘yan! 56.1%
Hintayin na lang natin. 21.95%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Congratulations to Kobe Bryant, the MVP of the 60th NBA All-Star Game in LA. Great work West All Stars! Sorry, LeBron James. Go ahead, cry now. #beattheheat

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Enjoy the rest of the week! Ingat!

JEOPARDY!

ARE YOU FAMILIAR with Jeopardy? It’s the American quiz show with a “unique answer-and-question format.” Players are given clues in the form of answers, and they must phrase their responses in question form.

Here’s an example:
EMPLOYERS for $1200
Answer: It offers a salary of only P30,000 per month but after five years, you get to earn a total of 740 million pesos!
“What is… the AFP?” | #maytamaka! #ligot

The following were lifted from a recent episode of “Jeopardy! Riddles Edition!” where thousands of dollars were given away to a set of Filipino contestants. [Opo, merong gano'n. 'Wag n'yo nang itanong kung saan.] Enjoy!

FARM VILLE for $1400
Answer: Mukhang tao, tunog veggie, may padulas from AFP!
“Who is… Pichay?” | #kureeeeek! #AFPslushfund

WOMEN IN GOVERNMENT for $1000
Answer: Hanap ay pruweba, gusto ay ebidensya; opposite ni Heidi Mendoza, kakampi ni Carlos F. Garcia!
“Who is… the Ombudsman?”
Please be specific.
‘Who is… Merceditas Gutierrez?” | #mismo!

“PAN”THOM for $400
Answer: Pa’no makikita itong taong ito, kung ang paghahanap ay isang Moro-moro!
“Who is… PANfilo Lacson?” | #siyananga!

RICH KIDS for $600
Answer: Hindi hari, hindi pari, luxury cars ay sari-sari.
“Who is… the President?” | #taaamah!

“J” WALKING for $800
Answer: Kuwarenta’y kuwatro lang nang maluklok sa Makati, inabot na ng setenta, kanya pa rin ang torre.
“Who is… Jejomar Binay?” | #ofcourse

THE CABINET for $1600
Answer: Tatlong ulo isang katawan, palihim na nagkakagatan.
“What is… the Presidential Communications Group?” | #aminin!

PAPA “P” for $200
Answer: Ginaya si Bruce Lee, naging Justin Bieber, Lito Camo-clone forever.
“Who is… Pacquiao?” | #unasalahatsalamatsapanginuunsasupurta #akoNaNga!

KATA-QUOTE for $400
Answer: “Sa ikauunlad ng bayan, malaking populasyon ang kailangan!”
“What is… the CBCP?” | #amen!

PBA for $1600
Answer: Hindi liga, hindi basketball, sa Ombudsman dala’y trouble.
“What is… plea bargain agreement.” | #yunNa!

BAD WORDS for $500
Answer: Nang magalit si Mar sa ChaCha, umalingawngaw ito sa Ayala.
“What is… ‘Puuuut*ng-i*a! Ano ba ‘to!” | #patayTAYOjan

“G” SPOT for $800
Answer: Nang mawala ang immunity bilang pangulo, ginamit na pananggalang mga ka-distrito!
“Who… is Gloria?” | #whoelse?!

POWERFUL for $300
Answer: Nakalusot sa NAIA dala niyang droga. How did that happen? Nagtaka ka pa!
“Who is… Cong. Ronald Singson?” | #true!

TOURISTS for $1400
Answer: Travel expenses ay lumolobo, nasa selda man ang sundalo.
“Who is… Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV in detention?” | #taaama!

AND FINALLY…
PLASTICS for $100
Answer: Naglaho ang reaksyon sa mukha ni Asuncion dahil kay Vicki Belo at sa kanyang injection.
“Who are… Gretchen Barretto, and other celebrities na nasobrahan sa Botox?” | #ouch!

ODD TALENTS for $1600
Answer: Horror man o drama, comedy o aksyon, consistent ang pagganap, iisa’ng emosyon!
‘Who is… Kris Aquino?” | #Pilipinas,maytamaka!
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“There are no foolish questions, and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.”
~Charles Proteus Steinmetz

Reposting my tweet from last night…
“Dear Mr. Chinese President: Kung gusto po ninyo, ‘yong tatlong Pinoy na nasa death row, papalitan namin ng tatlong heneral plus eight houses in the US. Deal?”

At nagreply daw ang Chinese President: “Kayo gusto palit tatlo Pinoys with tatlo generals plus 8 houses? Aglee ako d’yan pero sa isa kondisyon: puwede ba sama Mrs Ligot? S’ya fascinating! S’ya husay real estate.”

Survey Says
Sang-ayon ka bang dapat ihimlay sa Libingan ng mga Bayani ang bangkay ni dating pangulong Ferdinand Marcos?
Oo, panahon na! 28.76%
Hindi! Hindi siya bayani! 58.19%
Pag-iisipan ko pa. 13.05%

Elsewhere
Asian Wall Street Journal: Single Asian President Seeks Soul Mate for Very Public Romance

Personal
From my Palanca Award-winning friend Layeta Bucoy (ikaw na!):
Nicolas Pichay’s “3-N-1/ 10-10-10:Writing-on-Site Workshop for Stage, TV, and Film
This workshop has limited available slots. Interested parties are encouraged to immediately submit a letter of intent to marcelohdelpilar@yahoo.com (Re: 3-N-1/ 10-10-10). Only for purposes of diagnostics, each participant is encouraged to submit with the letter a soft copy of a previously written stage, tv or film script (not necessarily produced). For inquiries: 7824454.

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Have a great weekend! Go West! #NBA All Stars

CELEBRATIONS

Pac and Barack
Cong. Manny Pacquiao met with US President Barack Obama during a White House visit Wednesday morning (Manila time). Obama promised to help Pacquiao knock out poverty in Sarangani Province; Pacquiao promised to help Obama knock out illegal Mexican immigrants in the US.

US President Barack Obama and Filipino lawmaker Manny Pacquiao met for the first time at the White House. Apparently awed by each other’s presence, Pacquiao’s first words were, “As an African-American, do you also like boxing?” And then Obama said, “As a Filipino leader, do you also like hotdogs?”

Accompanied by his wife Jinkee, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao met with US President Barack Obama at the White House. The two leaders exchanged gifts during lunch. Obama gave Pacman a watch with the presidential logo on it. Pacquiao gave Obama a pair of boxing trunks with his sponsors’ logos on it.

Reports say US Vice President Joe Biden was also present during the Obama-Pacquiao meeting. In fact, when Biden saw Jinkee Pacquiao, he said, “You remind me of my daughter.” And then Jinkee replied, “You remind me of our Senate president.”

Manny Pacquiao also met with Senator Harry Reid. Just so you know, Pacman endorsed Reid during the US midterm elections last year. So far, Reid is the only candidate, Filipino or American, that won after being endorsed by Pacman.

The People’s Champ and 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao invited US President Barack Obama to watch his next fight against Sugar Shane Mosley… to which Obama said in Filipino, “Sino ‘yon?”

People Power Anniversary
Former presidents Fidel V. Ramos and Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo as well as Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile will be invited to participate in the activities commemorating the 25th anniversary of the 1986 People Power Revolution. Even former president Joseph Estrada will be asked to join the celebration. It seems that Malacañang has invited everyone who was present during President Aquino’s inauguration last year… except for Juana Change.

SC: Impeach Mercy
The Supreme Court has voted to allow the House of Representatives to proceed with the impeachment proceedings against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. Seven magistrates said “Yes!” for the continuation of the impeachment proceedings while five said “No.” Oddly, the three remaining justices said, “ugly but rich.”

Trillanes Fires Back
Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV said the Philippine Daily Inquirer got it all wrong when the paper quoted him as saying that former Defense Secretary Angelo Reyes was “not the powerful man” behind former military comptroller Carlos F. Garcia. I’m not sure if that will be Trillanes’ final statement on the issue so I’ll reserve my punchline for next week. Mabuti na’ng sigurado.

Famous Solon
Rumors say Dinagat Rep. Ruben Ecleo Jr., who was recently convicted of graft, wants to star in his own movie. Ecleo is confident his film will make a killing at the tills because of his cult following.

Cong. Ruben Ecleo Jr. failed to get a TRO on the arrest warrant issued by the Sandiganbayan in connection with his graft conviction. Ecleo’s not losing hope though. He’ll seek the help of his god by offering a goat, two cows, and three cult members.

Shooting Phil
Phil Younghusband of the Philippine football team reveals he is into target shooting… to which President Noynoy Aquino said, “You want to work in my government?”

Enrile, Valentine’s Day, etc.
Senator Enrile turned a year older on February 14. Wanna know how old is he now? Here’s a clue: when he was born, there was no Valentine’s Day yet.

On Valentine’s Day, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile celebrated his 87th birthday. To mark this special day, Enrile staged a fake birthday party for himself.

Session at the Senate was briefly interrupted when Senator Enrile opened the gifts from his fellow senators. He thanked all of his colleagues for their birthday presents… except for an unidentified lawmaker who gave him a Fossil watch.

Senator Enrile got the surprise of his life when ABS-CBN President Charo Santos phoned him on his 87th birthday. The Kapamilya executive offered Enrile a cameo in the fantasy series, ‘Imortal.’

Turning 35 and 87 on Valentine’s Day, respectively were TV host Marc Nelson and Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile… or as Sen. Loren Legarda would describe them, “A very active guy who is boyfriend material, and Marc Nelson.”

Not everyone was happy on the day of hearts. Rumors have it Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV got pissed when he opened his wife’s Valentine’s Day gift – flip-flops!

Overheard
“Dear Mr. President,
Noong kasagsagan ng kampanya, nag-promise kang ibubuhos mo ang iyong atensyon sa akin kapag nanalo ka. Pero anong nangyari? Kung kailan Araw ng mga Puso, saka ka nawalan ng kibo? How could you?
Nagtatampo,
Freedom of Information Bill”

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng mga tao sa larawan?
A: “Ako si Bernardo Carpio! Naiipit sa dalawang nag-uumpugang balo, este bato.”
B: “Pia, naaamoy mo ba ang naaamoy ko?” “Ano ‘yon Senator Loren?” “Parang amoy formaline?!”
C: “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.”
D: “Teka! Teka! Hinay-hinay lang girls. Sumisikip ang pantalon ko!”
————————————
“They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.”
~Author Unknown

Survey Says
Ikaw, anong pipiliin mong maging partner?
- Pangit pero super rich 25.19%
- Maganda/Guwapo pero poor 19.26%
- Wala na lang. Choosy ako. 55.56%

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V DAY

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Just so you know, President Aquino is a certified member of SMV: $amahan ng Mamahalin ang Vehicle$.

Rumors say President Aquino wants a palm plant on Valentine’s Day. Wanna know why? ‘Coz that’s the only sure way he could get a date.

This just in! The President has decided to change his relationship status on Facebook: from “Single,” to “So what?!”

On Valentine’s Day, the president’s youngest sister Kris is celebrating her 40th birthday. Kaya sa ating lahat… ingat!

Singlehood
101 Answers to the Question: Why are you still single? Right click to read it here.

Mubarak Resigns
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has stepped down as leader of Egypt. He left the presidential palace together with his weeping wife and children on a boat via the Nile River.

Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak resigned as president and handed control to the Armed Forces. Following the transfer of power, Egypt’s military generals were each given 50,000 Egyptian pounds as ‘pasalubong.’

Hosni Mubarak is no longer president of Egypt. His critics are now demanding the creation of a Truth Commission.

People power has forced Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak out of Cairo. In six years, expect former First Lady Suzanne Mubarak to seek the presidency of Egypt.

Hosni Mubarak stepped down as president of Egypt, and left Cairo around 12:15 AM on Saturday, Manila time. Minutes later, the Marcoses were on Twitter playing “Senti Sabado.”

Egyptians partied all night as they hailed the resignation of President Hosni Mubarak. Halfway through the celebration, the Black Eyed Peas performed.

Hosni Mubarak has resigned as leader of Egypt after 30 years in power. Asked how he felt for Mubarak, Vice President Jejomar Binay said “I don’t know. We’ve only been in power for 24 years!”

Less than a day after telling Egyptians he was not stepping down, Hosni Mubarak changed his mind and left the presidential Abdeen Palace in Old Cairo. He is now living an ordinary life at No. 1 Polk Street, Sharm el-Sheikh City, Egypt.

Trillanes Flip-flops
Last February 1, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV categorically stated in front of journalists that former Defense Sec. Angelo Reyes was the “powerful man” behind former military comptroller Carlos F. Garcia. Nine days later, he had an apparent change of mind and claimed it wasn’t Reyes after all. Geez, who do you think are? Hosni Mubarak?

Nine days after telling the whole world that former Defense Sec. Angelo Reyes was the “powerful man” behind retired Major. General Carlos F. Garcia, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV flip-flopped and stated it wasn’t Reyes but someone else. Nine days from now, Trillanes is expected to reverse himself and say that Reyes has, in fact a reputation to protect.

Rich and Ugly
To marry a non-handsome but rich guy: this was the response of 57 percent of Filipino women surveyed by the Social Weather Stations. Liz Uy wasn’t one of them.

According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 51 percent of Filipinos prefer someone who is rich though ugly. They were described as ‘practical.’ The remaining 49 percent was ‘choosy.’
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“It’s better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones!” – Author Unknown

“Did he really say that?” Moment
“Maganda pero boba! Alam mo kung bakit? Magha-hire ako ng tutor. Ipasok mo sa eskwela. Pag-aralin mo. Natututunan naman ‘yan eh. Kesa naman pangit, araw-araw pag gising mo sa umaga ‘yung mukhang pangit [ang makikita mo]. Iiwan mo rin ‘yun balang araw.”
~ABS-CBN news anchor Julius Babao

Survey Says
Interesado ka na ba ngayon sa football? Manonood ka na ba ng larong ito?
- OO naman. Matagal na. 41.25%
- Hindi pa rin. Wala akong kainte-interes d’yan. 25.31%
- If only for the Azkals, why not? 33.44%

Elsewhere
ABS-CBN News: Robles: Malacañang knew it wasn’t Reyes but did nothing

Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism: The final words of Angelo Reyes

William Esposo (Philippine Star): Haunted by the ghost of Angie Reyes

Newsbreak: The troubled times of Angie Reyes

Manila Standard Today: Tañada vs. Tañada

More Personal
Monday.
Undercard: Heat vs. Boston. #beattheheat
Main Event: Lakers vs. Magic #beattheheat pa rin!
Let’s go Lakers!

Wala Lang
“Oo, inaamin ko, saging lang kami. Pero maghanap ka ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso! Saging lang ang may puso!” – Mark Lapid, “Apoy sa Dibdib ng Samar”

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AZKALS… KAYO NA!

THE PHILIPPINE FOOTBALL TEAM defeated Mongolia, 2-0 in the first leg of their 2012 Asian Football Confederation Challenge Cup pre-qualifying match in Bacolod City. It was all Azkals from start to finish. German coach Hans Michael Weiss described it as “a good game.” Goalkeeper Neil Etheridge described it as “my rest day.”

The national football team paid a courtesy call on President Aquino Thursday. The meeting was fun and informative. The President advised the young Azkals on how to enhance team unity. And the Azkals advised the President on how to ‘achieve’ goals.

The Azkals paid a courtesy call on President Aquino Thursday. When the energetic Azkals arrived, the President cheered, the PSG applauded, and the President’s speechwriter Mai Mislang fainted.

The Philippine football team paid a courtesy call on President Aquino. Upon entering the palace, the youthful Azkals felt so Filipino… while the President felt like a lolo.

The Azkals’ goalkeeper, Fil-Brit Neil Etheridge and President Aquino had a chance to talk Thursday in Malacañang. It was a brief conversation between a single and popular boylet, and Neil Etheridge. #walangkokontra

Reluctant
Reports say President Aquino may not visit the wake of former AFP Chief of Staff Angelo Reyes saying, “We were never close.” When Kris Aquino heard this, she said, “Kapatid nga kita! Aha-ha-ha”

Now Welcome
Mrs. Teresita Reyes, wife of former AFP Chief of Staff Angelo Reyes says critics of her husband including the acerbic Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV are now welcome to his wake. By the way, Trillanes, according to rumors, has also softened his stance on Reyes. He’s now willing to hear him talk.

Underground River
President Aquino is encouraging Filipinos to support the campaign to make the underground river in Palawan one of the world’s New Seven Wonders of Nature. The President visited Puerto Princesa City Wednesday. Asked why he chose to visit the subterranean river, the President said, “We are close.”

Dominguez Arrested
Authorities have arrested suspected carjack ringleader Roger Dominguez. Of course, Dominguez would still be “out there” if he was a senator.

NBI Inmates Escape
Two inmates have escaped from an NBI detention cell in Manila by covering with a face towel the CCTV camera installed at the back of the facility. Frustrated NBI officers are filing obstruction of justice against the towel.

Hi-Tech Confession
Reports say there’s a new iPhone and iPad application that would help Roman Catholics prepare for a confession. The new app costs $1.99 – one dollar for Apple, 99 cents for the Church. Amen!

Overseas…
In the southeast African nation of Malawi, somebody has proposed an Anti-Farting Bill. And everyone was like, “Sa Malawi na nakatira si Lito Lapid??!!?”

Phil si Angel
Via Twitter, Azkal Phil Younghusband has invited actress Angel Locsin for a Valentine’s Day date. Expect Luis Manzano to admit his romance with Angel this coming Sunday on The Buzz.
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“All of civility depends on being able to contain the rage of individuals.”
~ Joshua Lederberg

Briefly Noted
Is that your final answer Mr. Senator? O, magbabago pa ang utak mo two weeks from now?

Survey Says
Dapat bang isisi sa banat ng mga kritiko ni Secretary Angelo Reyes ang kanyang pagpapakamatay?
- Oo. 14.29%
- Hindi. 73.1%
- Medyo. 12.62%

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Personal
Friday. LA Lakers vs. some green team from the east.
Let’s go Lakers!

MESSAGES

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRESIDENT Benigno Simeon “Noynoy’ Aquino III. This has been a hectic day for the President. He’s been busy answering questions like, “Kailan ka mag-aasawa?” and “Ano pong masasabi n’yo sa pagkamatay ni Secretary Reyes?”

On his 51st birthday, President Aquino went to the Land Transportation Office to renew his driver’s license. Talk about priorities.

Top 10 Birthday Messages Left on President Aquino’s Answering Machine

No. 10: “Hi Noy! Krissy here. Gosh! You’re 51 na!. In fairness huh, you don’t look your age. Para ka lang 50. Aha-ha-ha. Get back to you later. Taping lang ng ‘The Price Is Right’ – magpa-pilot on my birthday. Aha-ha-ha! Hindi ko kinakaya ang sarili ko Noy! Pati sa answering machine mo, nagpu-promote ako! Aha-ha-ha!”

No. 9: “Hi Noy! Si Shalani ‘to. Ok.Thx.Bye!”

No. 8: “Oist! Ang bagal mo! ‘Asan ka na ba? Paubos na ang pulutan. Bilisan mo. Si Topaquits to. Kanpaiii!”

No. 7: “Mr. President, patawarin mo ako. Hindi ko ginustong agawan ka ng atensyon sa iyong kaarawan. Pero nandito na ‘to eh, wala na akong magagawa. Hindi ko naman puwedeng bawiin. Happy birthday na lang! Si Angie Reyes nga pala ‘to.”

No. 6: “Ni hao ma! ‘Kaw ba ‘yan Plisidinte? Donald Tsang ‘to. Pati birdei, iyo telefono bisi. Ako dalawa ulit tawag iyo, lagi sabi, “Da numbel you dial is test-drybing. Ano ba iyo test dryb: Lexus? Ako naman gusto lang bati iyo. Pero phone mo naka-answeling machine. Hayyy na ko. Eniwei, hapi birdei. Pa-borger ka naman. Gusto ko borger sa McDo. Kasi McDonald Tsang. Ay korni. Ang korni ko. Ba bu na!”

No. 5: “Mahal na pangulo, hulaan mo na lang kung sino ako. Clue: Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang iyong kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron kang free will, gamitin mo ito. Happy birthday!”

No. 4: “Pards! Rico E. Puno ‘to! ‘Musta na? Naks! Singkwenta’y uno! Parang waist line ko lang! Happy birthday pards! Siguro naman, nalimutan na ng publiko ang mga kasalanan ko ‘no?! Babalik din ako d’yan kapag tuluyan nang natabunan ang isyu ng carjacking. Imagine na lang kung bumalik ako d’yan two weeks ago, wala akong maisasagot! Ano ako hilo? Don’t worry, I have pasalubong! Mahaba. Matigas. Maitim. Pumuputok! Ha ha ha! I know u missed me! Aminin! Sige pards… happy birthday ulit!”

No. 3: “Gosh! Sino ba ‘yong nag-iwan ng Message No. 4? He’s so… basta! He’s so! Hay naku Noy! You and the friends you keep talaga! Anyway, si Krissy ulit ‘to! Umiiyak na naman si Bimby, ano baaaa!? Naloka talaga ako nang lumapit kanina ang bagets. Nagsusumbong siya! Aha-ha-ha! “Mama, Tito Noy took my PSP. Mama, get it na from him.” Nakakaloka ka! Puwede, pakibalik? Now na!”

No. 2: “Noy! Si Mar ‘to! Wusshuuuu! Tampo ka na ‘no? Akala mo nalimutan ko na ang birthday mo? Puwede ba naman ‘yon? Kahit laging si Chiz ang kasama mo sa iyong Porsche, ‘di kita pwedeng balewalain! Sayang ang endorsement sa 2016 noh! Jooooke! O siya, enjoy your day. Try to get some ok? Joooke! Seriously pare, you need a girlfriend. Gumaya ka sa akin, almost perfect ang buhay. Happy sa wife, panalo ang sex life. Joooke!”

And the No. 1 birthday message left on President Aquino’s answering machine…

“Hellow? Noyci? Oh shorry. What I mean ish, Noynoy pala. I’m shure, ‘di mo inaashahan ang tawag na ito. And i’m alsho shure ayaw mong mag-greet ako. ‘Wag ka nang chooshy okay? In the firsssht pleysh, wala kang choish. Alam ko ang lahat ng numbersh sha palashyo. We’re not enemish naman ‘di ba? Nabashura na ang Truth Commisshion. So letsh move on, can’t we? Yesh, we can! Happy fifty-firssht birthday. ‘Wag mo nang ipagkalat na tumawag ako okay? Baka ma-chishmish pa tayo. Shecret na lang. Sssssh.”

Ka Joma’s Day, Too!
Today is also the 72nd birthday of CPP-NPA founder Jose Maria Sison. To mark the Communist leader’s birthday in the Philippines, the New People’s Army blew up a cake.

Reyes, 65
The news spread like wildfire on the Internet: former Defense Secretary Angelo Reyes is dead. But nobody believed the news item when it first came out… mainly because it was reported by Arlyn De La Cruz.

Angelo T. Reyes is dead. The AFP is shocked. They lost a former leader. DENR, DOE and DND employees are grieving. They lost a former boss. Oil firms are in mourning. They lost a former spokesman.

Quoting sources, the Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that Secretary Angelo Reyes’ last word was “Sorry.” If that’s a clue, we know whom to blame for his death, ‘noh?

Former Defense Secretary Angelo Reyes committed suicide. He shot himself while visiting his mother’s grave at the Loyola Memorial Park in Marikina City. A similar incident actually took place in 2005 when banker Ted Borlongan (who was then facing court cases) committed suicide near his mother’s & brother’s grave also at the Loyola Memorial Park. If you’re asking if ex-Major General Carlos F. Garcia and Lt. Col. Jacinto Ligot have relatives in the same cemetery, that I don’t know.

According to reports, former AFP Chief of Staff Angelo Reyes died from a self-inflicted wound to the chest. When Reyes’ boss, former president Joseph Estrada heard this, he said, “Sana mahuli agad ang suspek.”

Beware!
Paraphrasing a tweet from a follower:
Bus bombing sa birthday ni Tita Cory.
Suicide ni Secretary Angelo Reyes sa birthday ni President Noynoy.
Sa February 14, birthday ni Kris Aquino.
Hail Mary full of grace… | Repent! Repent!

Living Ligot
According to official records, Erlinda Yambao-Ligot, wife of former military comptroller Lt. Gen. Jacinto Ligot owns eight houses in the United States. Quizzed about the properties, Ligot told the Senate he wasn’t aware of it. In fact, it was only during yesterday’s hearing that Ligot found out he had a wife.

Official records also showed Lieutenant General Ligot’s wife traveled at least 42 times to the US, Singapore, and Hong Kong from 1993 to 2004. Again, Ligot denied any knowledge of his wife’s travels. Why would he care nga naman? It wasn’t his money she was spending. Sa taumbayan ‘yon!

This just in:
Mrs. Erlinda Ligot is reportedly visiting the wake of former AFP Chief of Staff Angelo Reyes. Asked about the schedule of her visit, Lt. General Ligot says he’s not aware of her plans.

Oil Price Hike
Reports say the unrest in Egypt could actually lead to an increase in gas prices… or as Shell, Petron, and Chevron would call it, “big payday.”
——————————-
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”
~Norman Cousins

Ouch!
“Para akong nabunutan ng tinik.” – stylist Liz Uy sa pagtatapos ng isyung nag-uugnay sa kanila ni Pangulong Aquino. Liz shares the same birth date with him. Happy birthday!

Survey Says
Sa inyong palagay, makatarungan ba ang pagkakabasura ng Court of Appeals sa murder charges laban kay Senador Lacson?
- OO. Free him! 16.28%
- HINDI! It’s unfair. 72.87%
- Hindi ko alam ang issue. 10.85%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: Angelo Reyes: “Wala na ‘to pare…”

Direk Joey Reyes on the Ligots: Discreet art of lying

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ANGELO REYES, 65

ANGELO TOMAS REYES
March 17, 1945 – February 8, 2011

“There are only two ways of telling the complete truth -
anonymously and posthumously.” ~Thomas Sowell

——————
Postscript: I wouldn’t be surprised if Mesdames Ligot and Garcia would ask the respective aides of their husbands to disarm them. For now. #conscience

BIRTHDAY BOY

Happy Birthday!
On February 8, President Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III is turning a year older… or as his government would call it “age hike.”

This coming week, President Aquino will celebrate his 51st birthday. Rumor has it that Malacañang is preparing a carnival-themed birthday bash for him. In fact, he can’t wait to test-drive a bumper car.

President Aquino is celebrating his 51st birthday on February 8. There will be singing, dancing, and exciting games. Members of Balay and Samar groups will play tug of war.

President Aquino will turn 51 on February 8. To mark his birthday, the President will smoke 51 candles.

The President’s birth date is February 8, 1960. He was born under the sign… “Smoking Area.”

Just so you know, on February 8, both Communist leader Jose Maria Sison and President Noynoy Aquino will celebrate their birthday. So Feb. 8 will be the birthday of two prominent Filipinos: an old man who has not accomplished anything significant for the country, and Jose Maria Sison.

What do CPP-NPA founder Jose Maria Sison and the late American actor James Dean have in common? Answer: They share the same birthday – February 8, and they’re both rebels without a cause.

President Aquino was born Feb. 8 while his sister Kris was born on Feb. 14. On Times Street, following tradition, the whole family will sing “Happy Birthday” to Noynoy first, and then, scream another “Happy Birthday” to Kris.

Chaos in Egypt
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said he would not seek reelection when his term expires, and vowed to step down in September. Egyptians, however refused to believe him mainly because he made the promise last Tuesday, the death anniversary of their national hero.

Despite the massive protests in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has refused to step down. Egyptians are getting frustrated. If only to force Mubarak to resign, they are willing hold protest rallies at Edsa.

Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak says he is not running again for president when his term expires in September. However, he is seeking a seat in Congress.

Mubarak’s Cabinet officially resigned last Saturday morning, but the embattled president himself continues to hold power. The resigned cabinet members then formed a group called Hyatt-Cairo 10.

As thousands of Egyptians rally for his ouster, President Hosni Mubarak decided to name a vice president, his possible replacement. But observers predict Mubarak will probably finish his term… because his chosen VP was a former newsreader.

Amid the massive street protests, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak continues to cling to power. Of course, he’d be out of office by now if his military chief were Angelo Reyes.

In Washington DC, US President Barack Obama said, “The future of Egypt will be determined by its people.” And then followed it with, “Joooooke!”

The Fugitive
The Court of Appeals has dismissed the murder charges filed against Sen. Panfilo Lacson over the twin killings of publicist Bubby Dacer and his driver in 2000. Lacson is reportedly ecstatic. He’s been waiting for this all his life. You know, an opportunity to ‘come out.’

The Court of Appeals has junked the murder charges filed against Sen. Panfilo Lacson. The appellate court said there was no probable cause to implicate Lacson in the twin murders, or as Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez would probably insist, “Mahina ang ebidensya.”

This just in: Senator Panfilo Lacson released a statement (through email) blasting the Department of Justice for saying that the CA’s dismissal of the case didn’t nullify the arrest warrant issued against him. But Justice Secretary Leila De Lima is questioning the veracity of the message because the email address used by the sender was wagkangmawawalasabirthdaypartykosafebruary8@malacañang.com.

Less Crime
Prof. Charlie Chao, a feng shui expert says there will be less incidence of crime in the country in the year of the metal rabbit… unless of course Raymond Dominguez is allowed to post bail for the 20th time.

Most Handsome
According to Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV is the most handsome senator today. That was made possible partly by the non-reelection of Senator Jamby Madrigal.

If ever he’ll do a movie, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV wants to be paired with actress Gretchen Barretto. When Gretchen heard this, she laughed so hard, Botox squirted out of her face.

New Show
ABS-CBN has a new program. Replacing “Pilipinas Win na Win” starting Feb. 12 is the noontime show called “Happy, Yipee, Yehey!” a.k.a. “Wowowee: Part 3.”
————————————–
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
~Jennifer Yane

You Have Spoken!
Ano ang dapat maging sanction ng Kamara kay Cong. Ronald Singson?
- Censure 1.16%
- Suspension 1.39%
- Expulsion 97.45%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: The ‘Fashionista’ and his dad

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Have a great weekend! Take care ‘coz the care bears care. And I am corny. #teamlakers #beattheheat

LOVI AND OTHER DRUGS

Guilty!
ILOCOS SUR Rep. Ronald Singson has pleaded guilty to a drug offense in Hong Kong. He also admitted to being addicted to cocaine. His father, Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson was so upset he accused Ronald of setting his own self up.

Since 2004
Embattled Ilocos Sur Representative Ronald Singson revealed he’s been using cocaine since 2004, and consumed three to five grams of the drug per day. At one point, he got so hooked to coke he almost changed his name to Ronald Singhot.

Nabbed!
When customs police in Hong Kong arrested Cong. Ronald Singson on July 11, 2010, cocaine was found in his underpants. The ‘Coke’ was an inch away from the ‘straw.’

Girlfriend
Ilocos Sur representative, and concert promoter Ronald Singson blamed his break up last year with girlfriend Lovi Poe for his drug use. The actress broke up with him when she found out that half of Ronald’s purported ‘bulge’ was just cocaine.

Resign!
Members of the House of Representatives have called on Cong. Ronald Singson to resign. But the beleaguered Ilocos Sur representative was unfazed. Ousted or not from Congress, he’ll never run out of sessions. #ikawna!

Shocked
Cong. Ronald Singson pleaded guilty to drug trafficking. The 42-year-old solon and concert promoter also confessed to being addicted to cocaine… shocking his father, Governor Chavit Singson who, at the time, had yet to recover from the shock of hearing Piolo Pascual admitting on TV that he and KC Concepcion were in a relationship.

Rabusa & Karma
Have you been following the news on retired Lieutenant Colonel George Rabusa? Interviewed by Radyo Inquirer, Rabusa said he could be suffering from “bad karma” for pocketing millions of pesos from military funds. According to Rabusa, he recently had a stroke, his wife’s got cancer, he lost his mayoral bid in the Visayas, and he’s nearing bankruptcy. One time, Rabusa confessed, he got so depressed he almost produced a concert, and snorted cocaine.

Fare Hike
After approving the fare rate hike in the MRT, LRT, and taxicabs two weeks ago, the government has approved this week the provisional fare hike in jeepney ride. Next week, the government is expected to rule in favor of a petition seeking higher ride rates at Enchanted Kingdom and Star City. #sige!itaasn’yonanglahat!

I Crush You!
In Tuesday’s Lower House hearing on the alleged corruption in the Armed Forces, Ilocos Norte Rep. Rodolfo Fariñas revealed he had a crush on Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez way back in college. Stunned but otherwise amused by the revelation, Gutierrez quipped, “Si ikaw talaga! Masyado mong ‘pinapahiya si ako!”

Modernong Kahulugan ng Ilang Salita o Parirala

-Pasalubong: Bonus sa trabahong hindi pa nagagawa
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Uy, General, mainit na pagbati sa inyong appointment! Bago po kayo magsimula sa inyong trabaho, heto po ang sampung milyong pisong pasalubong. Enjoy!”

-Pabaon: Bonus sa trabahong walang katiyakan kung nagawa
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Uy, General, maraming salamat po sa inyong paglilingkod sa bayan. Heto po ang limampung milyong pisong pabaon. Pa-burger ka naman! Burger! Burger!”

-Set up: Kapag ‘di mo matanggap na adik ang iyong anak
Halimbawang pangungusap: “’Tang-i*a kasi ‘yong kasama niya eh. ‘Nilaglag ang anak ko. ‘Ayun, na-set up kaya inaresto. Ukininam!”

-Plea bargain agreement: Ibang katawagan sa “Why not coconut?! Malay mo makalusot!”
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Ombudsman, baka naman magawan natin ng paraan ‘tong kaso ko. Ibabalik ko ang one-third ng ninakaw ko pero dapat malinaw ang plea bargain agreement natin. Kailangang abswelto ang aking asawa’t mga anak na kasing-kakapal ko ang mukha.”

You’ve Got Jail
Indonesian pop star Nazril “Ariel” Irham was sentenced to three-and-a-half years in prison for videotaping his sexual activities with different women. In fairness to Irham, he had a good lawyer during the trial. What he lacked however was a filthy rich, plastic surgery-enhanced cougar financier.
—————————–
“I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.”
~Keith Richards

Survey Says
Uy, malapit na ang Valentine’s Day. Kumusta naman?
- Happiness! 30%
- Kumusta mong mukha mo! 54.07%
- Getting there. I am not going to elaborate. Baka mausog. 15.93%

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Today is February 1, 2011… let’s spread  peace and love (not just legs)!
#teamlakers #beattheheat