PERSONS OF INTEREST

THE FILIPINO-CHINESE community will be celebrating Chinese New Year this week. Aside from the usual fireworks display, there will be dancing, drinking, singing, and the most anticipated part of the Armed Forces of the Philippines – “gift giving.”

Rabusa’s Exposé
During a Senate hearing last week, retired Lt. Col. George Rabusa, erstwhile military budget officer revealed that former Armed Forces chiefs allegedly received millions of pesos in “gifts” drawn from military funds. It turned out however that there was really nothing new in Rabusa’s revelation because this tradition in the Philippine military antedates Santa Claus himself.

Former AFP chief Angelo Reyes allegedly amassed more than P100 million during his 20-month tenure plus no less than P50 million “pabaon” when he retired in 2001. In a Senate hearing, an emotional Reyes confronted retired Lt. Col. George Rabusa and asked, “Ikaw na ang magsabi, ako ba’y naging ganid o suwapang?” No sir, that’s not ganid; that’s not swapang. That’s plunder.

Are you familiar with Lt. Col. George Rabusa?? As a former military budget officer, he was used by his superiors to amass millions of pesos from military funds. Today, he is being used by the Estradas to get back at Angelo Reyes. Apparently, he’s getting used to it.

Chaos in Cairo
In the Northern African nation of Egypt, thousands of protesters are camping out against the regime of President Hosni Mubarak. Just so you know, Mubarak has been in power for 29 long years… or as the Binays of Makati City would say, “Bago pa lang.”

Thousands of Egyptians are camping out in Egypt demanding the ouster of President Hosni Mubarak. Demonstrators wanted him out of their country. In case he flees, Mubarak is not sure where to go yet although the 84-year-old leader has received “exile offers” from Israel, France, and Senator Loren Legarda.

Interesting
As authorities continue to hunt down the perpetrators of the bombing of a bus in Makati City last week, the Philippine National Police released Friday computer generated images (CGI) of two men whom they described as “persons of interest” – or as the PNP would say but couldn’t, “Sana ay sila na nga.”

In connection with the recent bombing of a bus in Makati City, the PNP released the CGI of two men whom they referred to as “persons of interest” – otherwise known as “the CHR is watching so let’s just call them as such.”

Authorities have released the CGI of two “persons of interest” in connection with the bombing of a passenger bus in Makati City last week. In an interesting turn of events, starlet Katrina Paula told the media that one of the men was her boyfriend.

Bruno Mars
Filipino-American R&B artist Bruno Mars is facing a court case for cocaine use. If his career takes a major hit because of drugs, he plans to just settle in the Philippines and run for Congress.

Cars
According to a study, a woman’s least favorite spot for sex is the car. Yes Mr. President, that includes Porsche.
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“Who lies for you will lie against you.”
~Bosnian Proverb

This just in!
Carjacking near Ayala. Flooding in Jeddah. Nonstop rains in South Africa. And now, KC and Piolo na? Strange times indeed. Strange times. Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with you…

Survey Says
Naniniwala ba kayong bahagi ng destabilization plot ang isyu ng carjacking at ang naganap na pambobomba sa bus sa Makati?
- No! Kalokohan. 27.56%
- ‘Yong bombing ng bus, posible. ‘Yong, carjacking, hindi. 47.44%
- YES to both! May mga grupong sinusubukan ang kakayahan ng gobyerno. 25%

PERSONAL

Last Saturday, we had so much fun playing another game on Twitter. Tweeps were asked: Ano ang isasagot mo kapag sinabihan ka ni Pangulong Aquino: “Will you marry me?” Check out the list of the funniest entries here.

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Have a safe Monday and enjoy another great week!

BLASTED

CRITICIZED FOR IGNORING travel advisories issued by at least six countries last November, President Aquino said those advisories quoted specific threats on a mall. “Dear Terrorists: Next time, kung aatake kayo, umatake kayo sa pinagbantaan n’yong lugar, okay? Kung mall, mall! Huwag n’yong lituhin ang aming pangulo.”

Reacting to criticisms that the government ignored travel advisories issued by at least six foreign governments last year, President Aquino said those warnings had no basis, and specifically quoted an imminent attack on a mall. “Dear Foreign Governments: Next time, kung maglalabas kayo ng travel advisory, puwede ba isama n’yo na pati bus, train, at iba pang PUVs dito sa Pilipinas? Ayan tuloy, nasisi pa kayo.”

On Wednesday, President Aquino reiterated that last year’s travel advisories issued by at least six countries had no basis and insisted that the warning was about a possible terror attack on a mall, and not on a bus. “Dear Bus: Next time na may banta sa ‘yo ng terorismo, magsalita ka okay? At ikaw naman mall, por diyos por santo naman, safe ka na pala, ‘di ka man lang nagsabi sa gobyerno!”

According to President Aquino, the government is not pointing yet to any particular individual or group as being behind the bombing of a passenger bus in Makati City last Tuesday. Therefore, you’re not off the hook yet, GMA!

DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo revealed that authorities were looking at three angles in the bombing of a passenger bus in Makati City. At press time though, the police have yet to determine the right angle.

According to Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo, police are eyeing three angles in the bombing of a bus in Makati City last Tuesday: terrorism, destabilization and diversionary tactic. And that’s just half of the information gathered by the DILG. The other half will be revealed soon by Undersecretary Rico E. Puno.

Chief Supt. Jose de los Santos, head of the special task force investigating the bombing of a bus in Makati City says his men have finished the cartographic sketches of the two suspects. He promised to release the sketches Thursday. Promise huh? Baka drawing lang ‘yan.

Meanwhile, the Philippine National Police reported a 41-percent decrease in criminal activities in the country. In fairness, hindi halata.
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“Every crime is born of necessity. If you want less crime, you must change the conditions. Poverty makes crime. Want, rags, crusts, misfortune – all these awake the wild beast in man, and finally he takes, and takes contrary to law, and becomes a criminal.”
~Robert Ingersoll, A Lay Sermon

Father & Son
Noon:

Ngayon:

Elsewhere
Maria Ressa: Jan. 25 Manila bus bombing – Who did it?

Newsbreak: 10 stories — and our troubles after

Newsbreak: Here’s a list of Gen. Garcia’s ‘sins’

Saturday Night Life
Last January 22, we played another game on Twitter. The topic: Song titles to describe famous Filipinos. Here are some of the entries that were tweeted and RTd. Enjoy!

1: From @bochokoi – Exec. Sec. Jojo Ochoa: Hari ng Sablay
2: From @mas10ph – President Aquino: All By Myself
3: From @atotibonjing – ex-President GMA: Sana Maulit Muli
4: From @dexdixidexy – Shalani Soledad and President Aquino: Bad Romance
5: From @princejayr – Mai Mislang: I Started a Joke
6: From @iamjustinjay – DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo: Hanging By A Moment
7: From @brymcasa – Ellen Lising: Thriller
8: From @iamjustinjay – ex-Sen. Mar Roxas: Kung Ako Na Lang Sana
9: From @Kent_Ryan029 – ex-Sen. Tessie Aquino-Oreta: Just Dance
10: From @breakawayjay – ex-Maj. General Carlos F. Garcia: Billionaire
11: From @bochokoi – ex-Sen. Jamby Madrigal: Babae Po Ako
12: From @breakawayjay – Sen. Ping Lacson: Already Gone
13: From @ericus – Exec. Sec. Jojo Ochoa: Laklak
14: From @Lainezism – Atty. Sixto Brillantes: Kahit Maputi na ang Buhok Ko
15: From @cookiecaliao – PNoy and his women: Isang Linggong Pag-ibig
16: From @IMGoryo – DILG Usec. Puno + Jojo Ochoa: The Man Who Can’t Be Moved
17: From @kaka25yehey – PGMA: All The Small Things
18: From @kaka25yehey – ex-Maj. Gen. Garcia: Almost Paradise
19: From @ylanna1925 – GMA: I’ve Had The Time Of My Life
20: From @knightkira – ex-PresGMA – Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word
21: From @princejayr – Mkti City Mayor Junjun Binay & Kris: Ebony and Ivory
22: From @iamvixen_1218 – Jake Joson: Walking After You (si Jake Joson ang Pambansang Anino)
23: From @ylanna1925 – Shaina and John Llyod: Stuck on You
24: From @jayspogi – President Aquino: Can’t Buy Me Love
25: From @tweetearl – Manny Villar and the Presidency: If I Had You
26: From @iamDanyel – Samar & Balay Groups: Invisible War
27: From @chaestra – AVE Partylist Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay: Rude Boy (Rihanna)
28: From @jmreyes816 – ex-Senators Maceda and Osmeña: I’m Coming Out
29: From @botchangbalut – Alvin Elchico of ABS-CBN News: Gasolina
30: From @markycortez – Lauro Vizconde: Waiting in Vain
31: From a journalist who requested anonymity – Vicki Belo/Ellen Lising/Madame Auring/Jinkee Pacquiao: Am I the Same Girl
32: From @krephel – Ellen Lising: Bring me to Life
33; From @copochax – Senator Enrile: 100 years
34: From @IMGoryo – Ted Failon & Gretchen Fulido: Tukso
35: From @mas10ph – Madam Auring: The Ghost in You
36; From @andredashpaul – Sen. Ping Lacson: Somewhere Out There
37: From @marmieliquigan – Joel Cruz: Smells Like Teen Spirit
38: From another journalist who requested anonymity – Mar Roxas, Korina Sanchez and Malacañang: Impossible Dream
39: From @Ro_nnie – Bro. Mike Velarde:Umbrella
40: From @Harr1etTheSpy – Senator Enrile: Barely Breathing
41: From @pilyosopo – Senator Lito Lapid: Nothin’ on You (by B.O.B.)
42: From another anonymous journalist: President Aquino’s Cabinet: Estudyante Blues
43: From @gianjuliano – Jamby Madrigal: Man in the Mirror
44: From @ericus – Sen. Trillanes and the freed rebel soldiers – Who Let the Dogs Out
45: From @iamjustinjay – DOT Usec Romano upon his resignation – Nilunok Kong Lahat
46: From @marielitams – Corrupt MMDA traffic enforcers – Ilagay Mo Kid (Hagibis)
47: From @annabanana168 – ex-PGMA: Don’t Stop ’til You get Enough
48: From a prominent person who requested anonymity PNoy and his Porsche: Only Hope
49: From @belfrans – President Aquino: Alone
50: From @bethangsioco – President Aquino: Ang Boyfriend Kong Baduy
51: From @ericus – Sharon Cuneta: Hips Don’t Lie
52: From @scuzzzy – President Aquino:Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman
53: From @scuzzzy – Donald Tsang to PNoy: Answer The Phone
54: From @pinoyoragon – DOJ on Lacson: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
55: From @mikay_michelle – Steeeeeeeeve Dailisan of GMA News: Longer
56: From @martian09 – Sharon Cuneta: Bigger Than My Body

If you want to join our game, just log on to Twitter between 9:30 and 11:30PM every Saturday. No need to register. Just follow me here.

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Enjoy the rest of the week. Doble ingat! #teamlakers #beattheheat

Patawa!
Thanks to Chico of RX93.1 for the idea. Translate ‘molecule enraged’ to Filipino using Google Translate. Go! Matatawa ka, pramis!

CRIMINAL MINDS

Singson Update
Today, January 26, Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson will be arraigned in Hong Kong for a drug offense. The embattled congressman is expected to enter a plea of “set up.”

Carjack Suspects
Alleged carjack ringleaders Raymond and Roger Dominguez of Bulacan have faced a total of 28 criminal charges in various courts in Bulacan and Pampanga since 2007. Of those cases, 20 were for repeated car theft… otherwise known as “clueless police syndrome.”

Raymond Dominguez has surrendered to authorities. He hopes to enter into a plea bargain agreement with government prosecutors soon.

Starlet Katrina Paula defended her boyfriend Raymond saying he is not a carjacker. With 20 car theft cases, hindi carjacker? Eh ano siya, car enthusiast?

Q&A
101 Answers to the Question “Carnapper ka?”
No. 32: “Heller! Matagal na kong nag-resign sa LTO ‘noh!”

No. 23: “Anong carnapper ang pinagsasasabi mo jan?! Starlet ako. ‘Yong boyfriend ko ang carnapper.”

No. 13: “Ang bilis mo namang makalimot General! Para namang wala tayong pinagsamahan.”

No. 31: “Ssssh, ano ka ba?! Ang ingay mo! Baka marinig tayo ni Speaker, start na yata ang session.”

No. 52: “Carnapper? OA ka naman. Holduppper lang! Taas ang kamay holdup ‘to!”

No. 25: “Recreationally.”

No. 43: “Minsan. Kapag walang duty sa presinto.”

No. 34: “Eh ba’t nagrereklamo ka? Kung sina mayor at hepe nga ‘di umaangal, ikaw pa!”

No. 61: “Grabe ka namang manghusga. Ikaw nga eh. ‘Di ba dati kang congressman?”

Not True
DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo ruled out any destabilization attempt against the government using the recent carjacking incidents. Robredo also dismissed rumors the carjacking of Margarita Fores’ Land Cruiser and the appointment of Atty. Sixto Brillantes to the Comelec were aimed at destabilizing the Liberal Party.

Garcia (Not) Missing
On Monday, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV said former AFP comptroller Carlos F. Garcia – who is close to revealing his “principals” (in a corruption case) from the previous administration, was missing… to which former Arroyo PMS chief Mike Defensor said, “Eh ba’t ganyan kayo makatingin?”

According to Senator Trillanes, ex-Major General Carlos F. Garcia cannot go to the United States because the US government is hostile to him. In fact, the US is more hostile to him than local authorities.

Snubbed
DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo’s request for a meeting with Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay on the city’s peace and order situation was turned down. The peace and order situation in the city is okay. The peace and order situation between Samar and Balay is not.

Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay told the press Monday he turned down DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo’s request for a meeting on the city’s peace and order situation saying police efficiency in Makati is efficient. Less than 24 hours later, a bus exploded along Epifanio delos Santos Avenue (Edsa) in Makati City killing five and wounding 13 others. Efficient nga.

Bombed!
Five persons died while 13 others were injured when a bomb exploded inside a bus along Edsa in Makati City Tuesday. I just hope that the police would conduct a deeper probe, and not pin this one on the Dominguez brothers.

A “bomb” exploded inside a passenger bus along Edsa in Makati City Tuesday. And Claire De La Fuente was like, “Don’t even dare give me that look!”

Briefly Noted: MAXIMO PELIGRO – the driver of the Newman Goldliner bus that was hit by an explosion.

Rehab
Reports say actor Baron Geisler has selected a rehab center where he’ll stay for 90 days. Geisler handpicked the undisclosed facility for its accessibility, spacious rooms, and chubby female attendants.

Cebu Pac Milestone
Local carrier Cebu Pacific Air boasted of reaching its 50 millionth passenger recently. Rumors say the 50 million mark was actually achieved last December but, out of force of habit, delayed ang announcement. After all, Cebu Pacific is Cebu Pacific.

Plastics Ban
The Metro Manila Development Authority encourages local government leaders to follow Muntinlupa City’s example, and ban plastics… prompting a howl of protest from Vicki Belo, Ellen Lising, and Dr. Pie Calayan.

USTe’s Quatercentenary
The University of Santo Tomas is 400 years old. Recognizing UST’s contribution to the Philippine society, President Aquino stated, “To Asia’s oldest academic institution, congratulations!” Former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo added, “To my father’s alma mater, mabuhay!” And Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile said, “Sa aking kababata, happy birthday!”

UST turns 400 years old on Jan. 28. If a movie about the school is made for this year’s MMFF, it could win two major awards.

UST has just turned 400 years old. And Senator Loren Legarda was like, “Hmmm, interesting.”

Oscar Snub
The nominees for this year’s Academy Awards will be announced tonight (Manila time). Last week, we’ve learned that the Philippines’ “Noy” wasn’t shortlisted for Best Foreign Language Film. But Filipinos are not losing hope. In fact, we have selected a possible entry for next year’s Best Picture competition no less. Take a look.

And this just in: the nominees in this year’s Oscars. Click here.
———————-
“The trouble with the laws these days is that criminals know their rights better than their wrongs.”
~Author Unknown

Missing, Inaction
Sa gitna ng sunud-sunod na isyung may kinalaman sa kriminalidad, ang tanong ng bayan: where in hell is DILG undersecretary for police matters, and presidential powerpuff boy Rico E. Puno? According to deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte, he is “on official business” (quoting his staff). Another source told me however he’s attending a shooting event in the US. If it’s true, have fun pero balik ka ‘agad. Maraming naghahanap sa ‘yo!

Breaking News
A reliable source says ABS-CBN Sports will broadcast the games of the NBA starting next month! Kung hei fat deal! Bye, bye Solar Sports. Let’s go Lakers!

Survey Says
Pabor ka bang ibalik ang parusang kamatayan sa mga heinous crimes?
- DAPAT lang! 62.36%
- NO. Hindi ‘yan effective. 31.07%
- Pag-iisipan ko muna. 6.58%

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WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORSCHE

Interview With A Car
The Professional Heckler (TPHeckler) meets The President’s Porsche (TPPorsche)

TPHeckler: Hallo! Guten tag!
TPPorshe: Uy, ‘musta?
TPHeckler: Pucha! Nagta-Tagalog ka?
TPPorshe: Oo naman. Fast learner ako ‘noh. One month na ko rito! Nakapag-ikot na nga ako sa Clark eh.
TPHeckler: Astig!
TPPorshe: Bilisan mo lang ang interview ‘tol. Matatapos na ang meeting ng amo ko.
TPHeckler: Ok, ok.
TPPorshe: Shoot!

TPHeckler: Unang-una, ano ba talaga ang pronunciation sa pangalan mo? ‘Di ba Porsh?
TPPorshe: I am from Germany and in my country, Porsche is a family name, and the family members pronounce their surname PORSH-uh, not PORSH! Gets?

TPHeckler: Fine! So ano’ng feeling na presidente ang amo mo?
TPPorshe: Suffocated!
TPHeckler: Pressured ka dahil sikat siya?
TPPorsche: Hindi ‘yon! Suffocated… kasi wala siyang kontrol sa paninigarilyo kahit naka-aircon.
TPHeckler: Ba’t ‘di ka magreklamo?
TPPorsche: Eh kung palitan ako? ‘Wag na uy! May Ambi-Pur naman, puwede na ‘yon.

TPHeckler: Sa palagay mo, bakit ka binili ni Presidente?
TPPorsche: Malay ko! Baka gustong magka-girlfriend. Alam mo na, pampa-pogi.

TPHeckler: May ipinakilala na ba siyang babae sa ‘yo?
TPPorsche: Oo.
TPHeckler: Maganda ba?
TPPorsche: Ewan.
TPHeckler: Anong pangalan?
TPPorsche: Manang.
TPHeckler: Manang?!?
TPPorsche: Oo. ‘Yon ang naririnig ko eh. “Manang, pakibukas ng gate. Manang, corned beef ko. Manang, huwag mong hayaang lumapit ang pusa sa kotse.” Ganun.

TPHeckler: Totoo bang tinatawagan pa rin ng amo mo si Shalani Soledad katulad ng ibinunyag ni Lolit Solis na manager pala ng konsehala?
TPPorsche: Sometimes.
TPHeckler: Weh?
TPPorsche: Totoo!
TPHeckler: Anong sinasabi?
TPPorsche: ‘Miss you babe.’ Mehhh ganun?
TPHeckler: Nanloloko ka naman eh.
TPPorsche: Sus! Hindi ako sinungaling!
TPHeckler: Eh anong reply ni Shalani?
TPPorsche: Miss mo’ng mukha mo!

TPHeckler: Moving on… sabi ni former senator Ernesto Maceda sa Philippine Star column n’ya, 7.5 million pesos ka raw at hindi 4.5 million pesos as claimed by the President. Any reaction?
TPPorsche: Tsismoso talaga ang senadorang ‘yon! Ang tanda-tanda na, tsismoso pa! Eh kung lovelife kaya niya ang ichismis ko, matutuwa siya?!?
TPHeckler: So magkano ka nga?
TPPorsche: I’m sorry, I would like to invoke my right against self-incrimination.

TPHeckler: May tsismis pa nga na regalo ka raw naman talaga ng isang mayamang negosyante. Alam mo na, nagpapalakas daw sa palasyo.
TPPorsche: Das ist mir furzegal! This interview is so over!

TPHeckler: Uy, sorry na! Sorry. Ito na lang ang sagutin mo: Balay Group o Samar Group? Kanino ka kampi?
TPPorsche: Hellerrr! For someone who pretends to read the news regularly, hindi mo alam? Pathetic! Siyempre, Samar. Si Chiz ang unang-unang nag-test drive sa kin ‘no!
TPHeckler: How was he?
TPPorsche: Hay naku! Isa pang chain smoker! Nahilo ako sa usok.

TPHeckler: Sabi ng mga leftist solons, wrong timing daw ang pagbili sa ‘yo ng presidente. Marami daw kasi ang nagugutom na Pilipino ngayon.
TPPorsche: Fault ko?!? Fault ko na third world country kayo? ‘Tsaka, anong kunek ko sa pagkain? Food ba ako? I am a sports car! Hindi ako NFA rice! Masyado nilang pinapalaki ang isyu!

TPHeckler: Sa palagay mo ba makakatulong ka para makabingwit ng girlfriend ang amo mo?
TPPorsche: Alam mo, hindi naman ako pakialamerong kotse eh. Ayaw kong pangunahan ang babaeng liligawan niya. Ayaw kong pangunahan ang Presidente. At higit sa lahat, ang pinaka-importante: ayaw kong pangunahan si Kris Aquino. Mahirap kaaway ‘yon.

TPHeckler: Do you have any message to anyone?
TPPorsche: Yup, thanks. On behalf of the Noy-Bi team, I’d like to congratulate newly-appointed Comelec chairman Atty. Sixto Brillantes. We have something in common sir: kung gaano kaputi ang katawan ko, ganun din kaputi ang buhok n’yo! More power!

TPHeckler: Uy! Malapit na raw bumalik sa sirkulasyon si former senator Mar Roxas. Anong reaksyon mo?
TPPorsche: Hindi kami close. Like what I’ve said, si Chiz ang nag-test drive sa akin.
TPHeckler: Eh pa’no kung masira ka? Remember: troubleshooter daw si Mar.
TPPorsche: Troubleshooter ng ano?!? Padyak?? Har-har-har. Let me repeat dat: har-har-har. Porsche ako. Hindi kami magka-level.

TPHeckler: Kay Presidente Aquino, any message?
TPPorsche: Kay bossing… ahm, tama ang advice ni Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago. ‘Di mo naman talaga kailangang magka-girlfriend para lumigaya eh. Andito naman ako to keep you company. ‘Tsaka lagi mong tatandaan sir: love knows no gender. Luv u bro!

-End of interview-
—————————————-
“Who’s gonna tell you when,
It’s too late,
Who’s gonna tell you things,
Aren’t so great

You cant go on, thinkin’
Nothings’ wrong, whoa ho…
Who’s gonna drive you home,
tonight?”
~The Cars, “Drive”

[Note: This piece was originally posted last Tuesday.]

Anagrams, anyone?
(Some of these first appeared on this blog a couple of years back.)
1: “President Noy” is an anagram of “Nerdiest pony.”
2: “Madrigal” is an anagram of “A mad girl.”
3: “Madame Loren” is an anagram of “A learned mom” and “D lame moaner.”
4: “Rico E. Puno” is an anagram of “In poor cue.”
5: “Senator Lapid” is an anagram of “A strained pol.”
6: “Bong Revilla” is an anagram of “Lovable grin”
7: “Congressman Mikey” is an anagram of “Screaming monkeys.”
8: “Senator Enrile” is an anagram of “Eternal one sir.”
9: “Revillame” is an anagram of “Lamer evil”
10: “Gloria” is an anagram of “Go! Liar!”

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Personal
Thank you Ms. Fe Zamora and to the Sunday Inquirer Magazine. I have tweeted my dislike for SIM several times last year (saying i missed the old SIM) and i have heckled PDI a number of times in the past; STILL, they featured The Professional Heckler in today’s edition of the magazine supplement of the country’s No. 1 broadsheet. #sipsip Maraming salamat po sa pagpansin. Happiness!

CARJACK ARREST

The Liberal Party
First things first, happy anniversary to the Liberal Party! It is now 65 years old… or as Senator Loren Legarda would say, “husband material.”

The Liberal Party marked its 65th anniversary last Wednesday. Some say the party’s old, others insist it’s still young. You be judge: when the Liberal Party was founded, Senator Enrile was on his first term as senator.

On Wednesday, the Liberal Party unanimously elected Mar Roxas as party president… just two days after the Noy-Bi “party” unanimously elected Atty. Sixto Brillantes Jr. as Comelec chairman.

Noticeably, former senator Mar Roxas was in ‘barong Tagalog’ last Wednesday. Observers say had he insisted on wearing blue, he would have lost the presidency of the party.

Justifying his choice of Mar Roxas as “chief troubleshooter,” President Aquino says “I am no Superman who can do anything.” And then he went on to introduce Roxas to the guests by saying, “Ladies and Gentlemen, ‘MacGyver.’”

Former senator Mar Roxas denied that he would be more powerful than President Aquino once appointed in government. Well, that’s believable. How can you be more powerful than the country’s president when you can’t even be more powerful than your wife?

Carjacking
The Land Cruiser of restaurateur Margarita Fores, a cousin of former senator Mar Roxas was carjacked in Makati City last Wednesday. And Vice President Jejomar Binay was like, “Don’t look at me!”

Carjacking II
Malacañang admits it finds the spate of carjacking cases alarming. To prove its concern, the palace has assigned a group of men to watch over the President’s Porsche 24/7.

Looking Wow
The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that former president and now Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is making heads turn with her “svelte figure and glowing complexion.” Today, she has a 25-inch waistline… perfectly complementing her 25-inch height.

Congresswoman Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo says her waistline is down from 31 to 25 because of exercise and vegetable diet. Not to be outdone, former President Joseph Estrada says exercise and vegetables have also been helpful to him. In fact, his IQ is up from 80 to 89.

Winning Slogan
President Aquino’s “Kung Walang Corrupt, Walang Mahirap” campaign slogan won the PublicAffairsAsia’s Gold Standard Award for Political Communications. Meanwhile, the Department of Tourism lost in the poster making category.

Lapid’s New Bill
Saying, “We are being alienated in our very own country, and we are left to figure out for ourselves what these establishments are,” Sen. Lito Lapid filed a new bill seeking to require all signs, signboards, or billboards to be written either in Filipino or English. While waiting for the passage of his bill, Lapid vowed to boycott Le Souffle, Amici, Focaccia, Thien Duong, Mi Piace, Le Coeur de France, Schwarzwälder, and other establishments whose names he cannot pronounce.

Citing the “widespread emergence of restaurants and other specialty shops bearing signages in foreign languages,” former stuntman turned actor-politician Lito Lapid lamented, “Filipinos are left to wonder what these signages mean.” Lapid got the idea for his new bill from an embarrassing experience last week when he tried but failed to buy dishwashing paste from Häagen-Dazs.
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“Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right.”
~H.L. Mencken, 1956

Survey Says
Magiging patas kaya as Comelec Chairman si Atty. Sixto Brillantes Jr?
- Oo naman. 22.46%
- Hindi! 47.01%
- Sino siya? 30.54%

Personal
Tomorrow is Saturday. Try to join our game on Twitter between 9:30 and 11:30 in the evening. No need to register. Just follow me on Twitter, and be witty. Bawal ang pikon.

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Have a safe weekend! #teamlakers #beattheheat

WAGI!

THE SOCIAL NETWORK won Best Picture-Drama in the 68th Golden Globe Awards! David Fincher won Best Director for the said movie which also took home the Best Screenplay and Best Original Score trophies. To ‘The Social Network’ team, congratulations!

Aside from ‘The Social Network,’ another big winner over the weekend is the Noy-Bi/Samar team. Congratulations guys for winning the chairmanship of the Commission on Elections!

New Comelec Chief
President Aquino has appointed Atty. Sixto Brillantes Jr. as head the Commission on Elections. Observers say Brillantes’ appointment signals the launch of reforms in the poll body, and the launch of Senator Francis Escudero’s presidential bid.

Atty. Sixto Brillantes Jr. is the new chairman of the Comelec. The election lawyer’s appointment marked the start of a new beginning for the poll body and the end of Mar Roxas’ presidential re-run.

Lawyer Sixto Brillantes Jr’s swearing in took place over the weekend. And Mar Roxas hasn’t stopped swearing since.

Election lawyer Sixto Brillantes who is handling at least 25 election cases pending before the Comelec has been appointed chairman of the poll body. If you happen to be Attorney Sixto’s client: “Pa-cheeseburger ka naman! Burger! Burger! Burger!”

Members of the Senate have different reactions to the appointment of lawyer Sixto Brillantes Jr. as Comelec chairman. Senator Juan Ponce Enrile said, “He is a mature lawyer who knows the ethics of his profession.” Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago said, “It might be the better part of discretion to decline the nomination.” Sen. Francis Pangilinan said, “He would be hard-pressed to show impartiality.” Sen. Lito Lapid said, “Taaama!”

Weird Weather
Have you been watching the news lately? In Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, streets are submerged in waist-deep flood. In Queensland, Australia communities are still under water. In South Africa, disaster zones have been declared because of heavy rains. In the Philippines, government prosecutors are defending ex-Major General Carlos F. Garcia. Strange weather indeed.

Magsaysay vs. Ocampo
PAL flight attendant Sarah Bonnin Ocampo has formally filed a complaint before the House of Representatives against Alliance of Volunteer Educators party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay. In her six-page complaint, the “menopausal bitch” accused Magsaysay of “serious misconduct, grave abuse of authority, solicitation of favor for personal gain using his public office, and conduct unbecoming of a high-ranking public official.” If proven guilty, Magsaysay would likely receive suspension and a year-long supply of mouthwash.

Here’s the latest twist. The Philippine Airlines management has apologized to AVE Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay and blamed Ocampo for what happened. As the Arabian Proverb says, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

The Golden Globe Awards: Inside Stories
There was a tense moment in Malacañang before the announcement of the winner for Best Picture. The Balay Group was rooting for ‘The Social Network’ while the Samar Group was hoping for a ‘Black Swan’ win.

After the awards night, palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda said, “Not true. There are no factions in the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. They can all work together.”

The president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association arrived in a limo. President Aquino, who was a special guest that night, arrived in a Porsche.

Winning Best Director in last night’s ceremonies was “The Social Network’s” David Fincher – NOT Wenn Deramas as earlier predicted.

When Natalie Portman was announced Best Actress, Jennylyn Mercado’s fans staged a walk out.

Not true: The cast and crew of “Rosario” attended the Golden Globe Awards hoping that the film would win “Best Float.” #waley!

Miriam & the Porsche
Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago says since President Aquino “lives a lonely life,” he can “channel his sexual energies in the company of a sexy car.” In another news dismissed by the senator as “totally unrelated” and “I am completely unaware of,” former DILG Undersecretary Narciso Santiago has bought a new car.
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Survey Says
Sa isyu ng bagong sports car ng presidente, your take:
- Naghihirap na nga ang maraming Pilipino, pasikat ka naman! 36.92%
- Isyu? Anong isyu ‘don? Pera niya ‘yon. Give him a break! 41.73%
- Ke isyu o hindi, wala akong mapapala d’yan. Deadma! 21.35%

Personal

I tried to keep it a secret to no avail. Yup, I turned a year cuter last January 16. To everyone who sent their greetings via SMS, Twitter, Facebook, and this blog, thank you so much! Sa mga pikon, ‘sensya na. Matagal-tagal pa tayong magsasama dahil I’ve never been this healthier and more inspired. Happiness!

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Stay safe. Quit smoking. Don’t drink. Smile. Spread love. #teamlakers #beatheheat

HOROSPOOF

DAHIL SIMULA ng isang bagong work week, ire-repost ko dito ang horoscope na unang lumabas sa aking Twitter account. Bunsod na rin ito ng mga pagbabago sa galaw ng mga bituin ayon sa mga mananaliksik na kasapi ng Minnesota Planetarium Society.

Ang mga hulang ito ay may dalang magandang kapalaran; kaya’t ipinapayong paniwalaan. Good luck!

Bergo (Sep 16 to Oct 30)
Mag-engat kay Cancir. Sha ang ex mung de maka-mub un.

Caprecurn (Jan 20 to Feb 16)
Mamalasen ka bokas. Piru dunt wurri. Sagettaryus ka naman talaga dong! Injuy!

Akwaryus (Feb 16 to Mar 11)
Dati kang Pie-sez piru di ka iksimpted sa sompa. Magkaka-teleleng ka. Apter ol, an akwaryan is an akwaryan.

Pie-sez (Mar 11 to Apr 18)
Tilapya ka sa ‘yung past lyft. Madelem ang fyutyur mu. I can see a 5, another 5 and one more 5. Sardinas ka pala! Chura!

Ariezz (Apr 18 to May 13)
Kalemotan ang dating bohay. Kong de ka sinuwirti belang Taoros, fault ko ba ‘yon?!? Tse!

Lio (Aug 10 to Sep 16)
Pormerly, isa kang Bergo. Nawala ang berjenity mo. Bungga!

Taoros (May 13 to Jun 21)
Dati kang Jimmy-nai. Hu kers keyr bers?

Cancir (Jul 20 to Aug 10)
Tatama ka sa luttu. Magkaka-bee ef o gee ef ka ren na obod nang pugi o byutipoll. At hahaba ang bohay mo. Ang huruskup na ito ay magkakatutuu kung hende mo babasahen. Toingk!

Jimmy-nai (Jun 21 to Jul 20)
Ikaw ay dating Cancir. Weh ano ngayon? Baket, maganda ka ba?

Iskurpyu (Nov 23 to Nov 29)
Nabawasan ang araw mu sa kalendaryu. Howag malongkot. Di naman nabawasan ang lebog mu! Panalu!

Sagettaryus (Dec 17 to Jan 20)
Mang-aagaw! Enagaw mu ang Pasko’s Bagung Taun kay Caprecurn. Ibalek mo ‘yan kong ayaw mung masaktan!

Ophiuchus (Nov 29 to Dec 17)
Maherap kang espilengen. Ke bagu-bago mu pa lang, pasusyal ka na. Pakyu ka!

Lebra (Oct 30 to Nov 23)
Ekaw ang dating Iskurpyu. ‘Wag ka nang magreklamu. ‘Pag panget, panget!

Personal
Here’s some of the hilarious entries sent to our game on Twitter last Saturday night. This is Part 2 of the “Perfect Movie Casting Choices.”

1: From @1rgcruz: Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay and the PAL flight attendant – The Beach
2: From @dyosaimma: Noli de Castro – The Reader
3: From @mikay_michelle: Mar Roxas – The Waterboy
4: From @iamDanyel: Coco Quisumbing – Interview with a Vampire
5: From @atotibonjing: Mommy Dionisa – Land Before Time
6: From @Pimply_PonC: Jinky Pacquiao – Hiram na Mukha
7: From @HecklerForever: House of Representatives – Animal Farm
8: From @bochokoi: Mai Mislang – The Pursuit of Happyness
9: From @scuzzzy: Sec. Leila de Lima – She’s The Man
10: From @gudboyARL: Ronald Singson – A Walk in the Clouds
11: From @TomEvangelista: Willie Revillame and Shalani – Cruel Intentions
12: From @jayspogi: Marlene Aguilar – Blair Witch Project
13: From @sophiadedace: Ex-Maj. Gen. Carlos F. Garcia – Big Fish
14: From @dyosaimma: Kuya Kim – Pagdating ng Panahon
15: From @Alexandrious25: Malacanang – Land of the Lost
16: From @TomEvangelista: Joker Arroyo – Juan Tamad / Trillanes: A Bug’s Life
17: From @dilawako President Aquino and the Filipino people – The Prince and the Pauper
18: From @AbigailLimHo: Oil companies na nagtataas ng presyo – While You Were Sleeping
19: From @diceylu: Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay – Flight Plan
20: From @gangbadoy: Governor Chavit and Cong. Ronald Singson – The Family Stone
21: From @bochokoi: Philippine Bus – Final Destination!
22: From @AbigailLimHo: GMA, Mike Arroyo and Vicky Toh – Mahal, Saan Ka Natulog Kagabi?
23: From @bochokoi: Juana Change – Super Size Me
24: From @mae23md NAIA 3 – Arrested Development
25: Joshua Aquino, Jiggy Cruz, Jonty Cruz, and President Noynoy – Three Men and a Baby #waley!

Promise, the game this coming Saturday will be more hilarious. I have thought of a topic and I’m certain you’ll have a fun time. So join us this Saturday anytime between 9 and 11:30PM. Just follow me on Twitter.

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Regular heckling resumes Tuesday! Have a productive week!

TOY STORY

IT’S FRIDAY! Another work week is almost over! And what a week for Filipinos! Gas prices have gone up. The proposed MRT and LRT fare hike has been approved. And the President has a new sports car!

New Toy
Something new is making President Aquino smile these days. For a change, it’s not a new date.

Reports say President Aquino ditched his BMW for a Porsche. And then, he felt weird. You know… he’s used to being ditched, not the other way around.

The President’s got a new toy, a 2007 model Porsche. When the new toy was delivered last December, did you know what he did first? He returned Joshua’s PSP.

Last year, President Aquino was praised for frugality when he ate hotdogs on a New York street instead of spending thousands of dollars in a restaurant. Today, he is being criticized for buying a 4.5-million peso Porsche amid reports that the number of hungry Filipinos has gone up. To appease his critics, President Aquino plans to eat hotdogs in his Porsche.

Lawmakers have different reactions when they learned that President Aquino bought a Porsche. His allies wouldn’t fault him for it. Militant lawmakers couldn’t stomach it. Senator Lito Lapid couldn’t spell it. Toingk!

The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that President Aquino tried to give his new car a test drive at the Clark Freeport last December 26. He didn’t enjoy it though because every time he would start the engine, Mar Roxas would appear and say, “Besprend itabi mo. Ako na!”

Comelec Chairmanship
The battle for the chairmanship of the Commission on Elections is on. Two names are neck-and-neck in the race: Balay and Noybi.

Election lawyers Romulo Macalintal and Sixto Brillantes are being considered by President Aquino to replace outgoing Comelec chairman Jose Melo. Reports say Macalintal has the backing of the LP/Balay faction while Brillantes has the support of the NoyBi/Samar faction. But palace spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda said, “No factions here. No one is pushing for anyone.” As usual, maang-maangan school of acting.

President Aquino screened the leading candidates for the chairmanship of the Commission on Elections last Monday. Palace insiders say the President asked the candidates one important question: “How vast is your knowledge in election law?” A similar screening was last conducted during the administration of ex-President Arroyo. During that screening, she asked, “Will I still lead by one million?”

Deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte confirmed that election lawyers Romulo Macalintal and Sixto Brillantes were indeed in Malacañang last Monday. The President told them he was in awe of their knowledge in election law. The two lawyers returned the compliment and said they were in awe of his taste in cars.

This just in!
Senator Joker Arroyo has filed a resolution seeking to fumigate the Senate. Arroyo made the proposal after getting bitten by a “mosquito” last Wednesday.

Reacting to Senator Antonio Trillanes IV’s statement that he was the “laziest senator,” Joker Arroyo said, “Why should I be bothered by a mosquito?” Trillanes has been doing several radio and TV guestings recently. Next up: TV 5’s Face to Face.

The PAO Chief
Public Attorneys Office Chief Atty. Persida Rueda-Acosta admitted she flunked the Career Executive Service (CES) exam she took in 2003. She obtained a failing grade of 55.95 percent. To be fair to Acosta, she got a 99+ rating in the NCEE.

Defending her failing grade in the 2003 CES exam, Attorney Persida Rueda-Acosta said, “Hindi naman kasi ako nag-review eh. Subok-subok lang ‘yun. Parang katuwaan lang ‘yun.” Sa presinto ka na magpaliwanag. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you in a court of law.

Top Absentee
According to House records, Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson, who was charged in Hong Kong for a drug offense is the No. 1 absentee in the first six months of the 15th Congress. Following his Hong Kong arrest in July 2010, Singson has failed to attend any “session” – Congressional, or otherwise.

Overseas…

Raging floodwaters have swept across the state of Queensland in Australia similar to what happened in the Philippines during typhoon Ondoy in 2009. Experts say the last great flood in Australia happened a century ago… to which Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile said, “Yeah, I witnessed that. Horrible!”

Arizona Shooting
Jared Loughner, the 22-year-old man accused in a Tucson, Arizona shooting spree that left six people dead and a U.S. Congresswoman clinging to life initially refused to speak with authorities. But Loughner had an apparent change of mind when Tucson police told him, “If you don’t cooperate, we’ll send you to Tondo, Manila.”

In Showbiz: Mega Scene
Sharon Cuneta tripped and fell down flat on her buttocks while taping a birthday concert at the Big Dome stage last Tuesday. Cuneta’s husband, Sen. Francis Pangilinan says the megastar is now okay. He didn’t give any update though on the condition of the stage.
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“Feeling good about the government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.”
~ P. J. O’Rourke

Survey Says
Sakaling magsara ang Facebook, ano ang mararamdaman mo?
- Hindi ko kayang tanggapin! ‘Yon na nga lang ang happiness ko. 17.43%
- Oks lang. May Twitter naman. ‘Tsaka remember, buhay pa si Friendster! 25.69%
- Hindi kawalan sa ‘kin ang social networking sites! 56.88%

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Have a great weekend. Ingat!

MORE TROUBLE

Facebook Hoax
Earlier this week, rumors circulated online that popular social networking site Facebook would be shutting down on March 15. A number of people actually believed the hoax. In fact, when President Aquino heard about it, he told Secretary Ricky Carandang to start packing in two months.

Victim?
Interviewed by ABS-CBN News’ Anthony Taberna, Sandiganbayan spokesman Atty. Renato T. Bocar stated that ex-Maj. Gen. Carlos F. Garcia was a “victim of injustice.” By the way, that was Bocar’s answer to Taberna’s question: “Magkano?”

Goma (Still) in Trouble?
Facing felony tax charges, actor Richard Gomez (husband of Leyte Rep. Lucy Torres) is trying to arrange a tax amnesty deal with the BIR. I don’t have the details of the arrangement but I think Goma has a bigger chance of getting off the hook had he struck a deal with the Ombudsman.

Actor Richard Gomez is facing tax evasion charges. Rumors say if he fails to get a tax amnesty, he’d probably ask Lucy Torres to replace him as respondent.

Trillanes Attends Hearing
After being granted provisional freedom, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV attended Senate’s first hearing for 2011 on Tuesday. He participated in the ongoing probe of the alleged exploitative practice of some hospitals employing fresh nursing graduates without giving proper compensation. At one point, the questioning got so intense; Trillanes threatened to blow up those exploitative hospitals.

Missing Senator
Senator Lito Lapid has been marked absent in the Senate for more than a month now. According to Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile, the actor-senator has not been attending Senate hearings. If it’s any consolation, hindi halata.

Sorry Solon
Alliance of Volunteer Educators party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay has apologized for humiliating a PAL attendant by calling her “menopausal bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch” last month. Magsaysay’s foul language was understandable though. Minsan kasi, kung ano ang kinakain ng isang tao, ‘yon din ang lumalabas sa bibig niya.

Top 5 Things (Not) to Say If Congressman Magsaysay Calls You A “Menopausal Bitch”

No. 5: “Ah ganun? Puwes, paihi nga! Ooops, sorry. Akala ko imburnal!”

No. 4: “Guard! Guard! May buwaya! May nakawalang buwaya!”

No. 3: “Ang baboy n’yo naman!”

No. 2: “Ako?!? Menopausal bitch? Eh bakit doble ang baba n’yo?”

And the No. 1 thing (not) to say if Congressman Magsaysay calls you a menopausal bitch…

“Uy, ang ku-kyut naman ng mga anak mo congressman. Ang tataba pa! Hiyang ba sila sa darak?

Pacman’s Jet?
Cong. Manny Pacquiao denies buying a European-made, 32-seater aircraft even as his wife Jinkee, insists the private jet belongs to Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson. In a separate interview, Singson denies owning the plane and accused Jinkee of setting him up.

More Female Drivers
Metro Manila Development Authority Chairman Francis Tolentino proposed the hiring of more women to drive public utility vehicles. Tolentino’s proposal got an early backing from… holduppers.

Rogue Cops
In a message during Tuesday’s 110th anniversary celebration of the Manila Police District, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim called for drastic action against rogue members of the police. Hmm, let me guess… Tondo?

LRT Accident
Did you hear what happened at the LRT-Edsa station Tuesday? Seven people got injured when a security guard “accidentally” fired his shotgun. The injured were rushed to the hospital while the guard was brought to police headquarters… but was immediately released after the President granted him amnesty.

In Showbiz…
Reports say TV host Pia Guanio has a new boyfriend. Like we all care.
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“The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.”
~Edmund Burke

Survey Says
Sa gitna ng mga patotoo ng devotees ng Black Nazarene, kayo, naniniwala ba kayo sa himala?
- Definitely! Meron talaga. 44.57%
- Minsan oo, minsan hindi. 28%
- No! It’s all in the mind. 27.43%

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TROUBLES

Black Nazarene
Quiapo District in Manila is celebrating the 404th anniversary of the arrival of the Black Nazarene in the Philippines. Yup, it’s been that long. In fact, Senator Juan Ponce Enrile was still an infant when the image was brought in here.

Thousands of Roman Catholic devotees joined the annual procession of the Black Nazarene Sunday. Sketchy reports say among those who were spotted in the sea of people were known Nazarene devotee Noli De Castro who prayed for his health, and first time procession participant Atty. Persida Rueda-Acosta who prayed for her job.

The PAO Chief
President Aquino is maintaining a hands-off stance on the case of embattled Public Attorney’s Office Chief Persida Rueda-Acosta. The president admits though it would have been much easier for him to decide on Acosta’s fate if she was a weather forecaster.

Mar Roxas Back Soon?
President Aquino announced Friday he’s eyeing former senator and defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas to be his “chief troubleshooter.” Roxas’ first task is to troubleshoot problems that may arise from his appointment.

Defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas is being eyed as President Aquino’s “chief troubleshooter.” Palace insiders deny rumors that the post will be created to neutralize Rico E. Puno, currently, President Aquino’s “chief troublemaker.”

Angry Bird
Four police officers from Zamboanga City were injured when a flightless cassowary bird attacked them. The bird was subsequently captured but insisted during the interrogation that he acted on self-defense saying the cops attempted to kidnap him.

A 4-foot cassowary bird attacked a group of policemen in training in Zamboanga City. After the “encounter,” the police captured the bird. In a related story, the Communist Party of the Philippines is demanding the release of the bird before peace talks with the government could push through.

Dumb Criminal
Authorities have captured Arnel Buenaflor, the gunman in the fatal shooting of a Kalookan City councilman recently. In fairness to Buenaflor, he didn’t resist arrest. In fact, he gamely posed when his mugshots were taken.
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“Trouble springs from idleness.”
~Benjamin Franklin

Fun!
As I have mentioned in my previous posts, every Saturday night, I moderate a game on Twitter. It’s open to the public. You just have to follow me. Last night, I asked tweeples to send “Perfect Movie Casting Choices.” Examples: (1) Madam Auring & Ellen Lising: Face/Off (2) Sen. Panfilo Lacson: Catch Me If You Can, (3) Sen. Lito Lapid: Artificial Intelligence (4) ex-Sen. Jamby Madrigal: Girl, Interrupted, (5) Luneta Tourist Bus: Journey to the Center of the Earth, and (6) Former VP Teofisto Guingona and former Sen. Jovito Salonga: 10,000 BC.

In no particular order, here are some of the funniest entries that were tweeted and re-tweeted last night (January 8):
1: From @angeldirecto – Presidential Communications Group: Clueless
2: From @forg9587 – President Aquino: Never Been Kissed
3: From @gudboyARL – President Aquino and Usec. Rico E. Puno: Maging Sino ka Man
4: From @paopaoAJ – Former President GMA: Dwarfina
5: From @dondeekenz – Executive Secretary Ochoa: The Drunken Master
6: From @AbigailLimHo – President Aquino: The Accidental Hero
7: From @andmyfaceislike – Rico Puno, MPD, Mayor Lim, Mendoza: Meet the Fockers
8: From @MangBurns – VP Jojo Binay: The Dark Knight
9: From @retireQuinito – Cong. Gloria M. Arroyo: Bakit Ako Mahihiya
10: From @desoleboy – Shalani Soledad: He’s Just Not That Into You
11: From @MangBurns – Kris Aquino: Scream I, II, III & IV
12: From @copochax – Shalani Soledad and Willie Revillame: The Hottie and the Nottie
13: From @forg9587 – ABS CBN Execs and Willie Revillame: Babangon Ako’t Dudurugin Kita
14: From @ronacious – Rico E. Puno and ES Jojo Ochoa: The Untouchables
15: From @whoisJeffD – Ping Lacson: Gone With the Wind
16: From @forg9587 – Mar Roxas: Abot-Kamay Ang Pangarap
17: From @dexdixidexy – President Aquino, Kris Aquino and Liz Uy: Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (Named as funniest entry of the evening)
18: From @hybridcha – Hitmakers of ‘Pilipinas Win na Win:’ Gone Too Soon
19: From @CamBon0620 – John Lloyd Cruz & Shaina Magdayao: Teeth
20: From @gudboyARL – Mar & Korina: An Inconvenient Truth
21: From @paopaoAJ – Jason and Hubert Webb: Ang Utol Kong Hoodlum
22: From @instantsiomai – President Aquino /Liz Uy: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
23: From @Ro_nnie – GMA: Once Upon a Time in China
24: From @magzcafe – Assunta de Rossi: Bride of Chuckie
25: From @AbigailLimHo – GMA and Mike Arroyo: Bonnie and Clyde
26: From @dexdixidexy – Ai Ai de las Alas: Bagong Buwan
27: From @MangBurns – Sharon Cuneta: Titanic
28: From @MangBurns – Gretchen Fullido: Titanic II
29: From @toppgarperio – GMA: Despicable Me
30: From @yourarcilicious – GMA: Leprechaun
31: From @Harr1etTheSpy – Kris: Anakan Mo Ako
32: From @instantsiomai – Ronald Singson: Life is Hot in Cracktown
33: From @Harr1etTheSpy – Secs. Coloma/Carandang and Donald Tsang: The Ring
34: From @dexdixidexy – Kris and James: Ang Darling Kong Aswang
35: From @MangBurns – Senate President Enrile: Twilight
36: From @tinniewanders – Madam Auring: The Mummy (Or The Thing)
37: From @Harr1etTheSpy – GMA: Unforgiven
38: From @ktinnbautista – Willie and Shalani: Lust, Caution
39: From @johnearlm – Ronald Singson: Bawal na Gamot
40: From @ronacious – Sharon Cuneta: Bounce
41: From @kimopulido – Gladys Reyes: Jaws; Toni Gonzaga: Jaws 2!
42: From @forg9587 – P-Noy’s Cabinet: Up In The Air
43: From @chinofigueroa – Mommy Dionisia & Madame Auring: Alien vs. Predator
44: From @scuzzzy – PAO’s Atty. Persida Acosta: Paano na Kaya?
45: From @attyarj – Jessica Alfaro & Hubert Webb et al: I Know What You Did Last Summer
46: From @chuckieboii – Joel Cruz: Scent of a Woman
47: From @johnearlm – Kuya Germs: Insomnia
48: From @dexdixidexy – PNoy, Korina, Shalani, Liz: Ghost of Girlfriends Past
49: From @lexiz08 – Exec. Sec. Ochoa: The Hangover
50: From @one_lad – Generals Delfin Bangit and Jesus Versoza: Cop Out
51: From @angeldirecto – Shalani Soledad, Pnoy, & Len Lopez: Una Kang Naging Akin
52: From @chuckieboii – Madam Auring: Dalaw (or the lack of it)
53: From @Harr1etTheSpy – Korina Sanchez: Hairspray
54: From @angeldirecto – President Aquino: I Am Sam
55: From @klaris – Presidential Communications Group: Babel
56: From @8muggler – Mai Mislang: The Motorcycle Diaries
57: From @angeldirecto – Annabelle Rama, Daisy Romualdez, Amalia Fuentes: Mean Girls
58: From @maharanirish – Vina Morales:The Wrestler
59: From @Pimply_PonC – Mar Roxas: The Back-up Plan
60: From @inanperillo – VP Jojo Binay: Out of Africa
61: From @yourarcilicious – Madame Auring: House of Wax
62: From @attyarj – Ex-Gen. Carlos Garcia: Indecent Proposal
63: From @Ivee – DOT Sec. Alberto Lim & the “Pilipinas Kay Ganda” Campaign: Failure to Launch
64: From @attyarj – Madam Auring: Huwag Mong Buhayin ang Bangkay
65: From @hfamous – Mar & Korina: A Series of Unfortunate Events
66: From @forg9587 – Anna Dizon: Bituing Walang Ningning
67: From @jayspogi – Atty. Persida Acosta: Kakabakaba Ka Ba?
68: From @dexdixidexy – PNoy: Palimos ng Pag-ibig
69: From @jayspogi – Juan Ponce Enrile: Ice Age 4
70: From @paopaoAJ – Dyan Castillejo and Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao: Magkapatid

Whether you’re active or not on Twitter as long as you have an account, log in every Saturday evening between 9 and 11:30. Let’s have fun – for free.

Survey Says
Dapat bang gawing mandatory ang drug testing sa mga miyembro ng Senado at Kamara?
- OO. Dapat lang. 91.69%
- Siguro, voluntary, pabor ako. 6.23%
- Hindi na kailangan ang drug test. 2.08%

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Have a great week ahead! #teamlakers #beattheheat

HAPPINESS!

PRESIDENT NOYNOY AQUINO Sings…
My Favorite Things
[But first, right click here for accompaniment. You really need to click this to fully enjoy the song. Sige na please. Right click.]

Newscasters and stylists and those sexy kittens
Reporters, stockbrokers, I was once smitten
Vid’oke, jazz music, corned beef and Ma Ling
These are a few of my favorite things

Jacked up gas prices, amnesty for rebels
Rate hikes in taxis, train rides, and on highways
Team Samar, Team Balay, computer gaming
These are a few of my favorite things

Rico E. Puno, guns, ammos, and shooting
Dissing Arroyo and Corona snubbing
Campaigns & Grey, college mates, and smoking
These are a few of my favorite things

When critics bite
When reports sting
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Joshua and Bimby, Viel, Pinky and Ballsy
PSP, Pink Sisters, Boy, and sis Krissy
More jobs, big money… investors shall bring
These are a few of my favorite things

*Repeat Verse 1 to 4 until ma-LSS ka!
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“A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour.”
~Author Unknown

Survey Says
Kung maghahain ng ‘guilty plea’ si Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson, dapat ba siyang patalsikin ng Kongreso?
-OO! Dapat lang. 89.58%
-HINDI. Hintaying matapos ang kaso. 5.63%
-Wala akong pakialam. 4.79%

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Happy weekend! #beatTHEheat #teamlakers

HIGH THERE!

AFTER A RELATIVELY GOOD 2010, the Aquino government welcomed the New Year on a high note – high spirits, high hopes, high toll rates, high gas prices, and higher flag-down rate in taxis.

* * * * *

Hopeful
According to a recent survey, 93 percent of Filipinos welcomed 2011 with hope. Some 900 others welcomed it with stitches and severed fingers.

* * * * *

It’s 2011. We begin another year with resolutions. Stop drinking, quit smoking, spend more time with the family, work harder, and more. Why, even the House of Representatives has a resolution: expel one of its own.

Resign!
A drug-related controversy has led to a call for resignation of a member of the House of Representatives. Nope, I’m not talking about Jules Ledesma.

Leaders of the House of Representatives say quitting is the “most decent thing” to do for Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson. It wasn’t clear though if they wanted him to quit his post or quit drugs.

John Reading, lawyer of Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson said the solon would plead guilty in a hearing on January 26 in Hong Kong. Reading did not state if Singson would plead guilty to drug trafficking, drug possession, or conniving with NAIA personnel.

Ilocos Sur Governor Luis ‘Chavit’ Singson insists his son Ronald is not a drug user. Yup, and the Philippines may not be in Asia; the Pope may not be Catholic, and Elvis Presley may not be dead.

Top 5 Questions to Ask a Jailed Solon

No. 5: Kung hindi po kayo drug user, ano ‘yon, ‘yong drugs ang nanggamit sa inyo?

No. 4: “What is one big mistake you’ve made in your life and what did you do to make it right?” (You may use an interpreter.)

No. 3: Kung hindi po kayo nahuli… ano kayo sinusuwerte?

No. 2: Sakaling mapatunayang guilty kayo at makulong nang habambuhay, ang tanong… why not?

And the No. 1 question to ask a jailed solon…

Kung maniniwala po kaming wala kayo ni katiting na kasalanan, ano kami, sira?!?

At Large
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima says the National Bureau of Investigation has located Vizconde massacre suspect Joey Filart in the United States. Now, if only the NBI could locate Senator Panfilo Lacson in the Philippines.

New Couple?
Ex-future first girlfriend, stylist Liz Uy and director Lino Cayetano (younger brother of Senators Pia and Alan Peter) are now an item. Instead of romancing a president, Liz chose a barangay captain. Ouch!
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“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”
~Robin Williams

Photo of the Weak

Congratulations Arnel Buenaflor, you just made it on the list of the world’s dumbest criminals!
Read full story here.

Survey Says
Kumusta ang 2010 sa ‘yo in general?
- Panalo! It was a great year for me! 24.86%
- Okay lang. May hits and misses. 48.09%
- Let me just say na babawi na lang ako sa 2011. 27.05%

Personal
Congratulations to everyone who passed the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT). Pagbutihin n’yo. Maliit man ang budget, masuwerte pa rin kayo. After all, University of the Philippines is University of the Philippines. [And Anna Dizon is Anna Dizon.]

I know it’s been months (sorry, i just read it yesterday) but belated thanks to FHM Philippines for including ‘The Professional Heckler’ on your list of ‘Blogs With Balls,’.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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