BASTED

ARE YOU familiar with Liz Uy? Yup, Liz Uy, the personal stylist of President Noynoy Aquino, and just recently, the ex-almost future First Girlfriend.

Reliable sources say President Aquino was not successful in winning the heart of his personal stylist Liz Uy. Even the endorsement of Kris Aquino and Boy Abunda failed to deliver this time.

Top 12 Messages Left on President Noynoy Aquino’s Answering Machine

No. 12: “Hello ‘tol, si Jojo Ochoa ‘to. Hindi pa katapusan ng mundo! Tara, inom tayo!”

No. 11: “Hi Noy! Krissy here! Gosh! Boy and I we’re just talking about you and Liz. ‘Yun na ba ‘yun?!? You’re so hina talaga! Nakakainis! Ay, wait… Bimby’s making ubos na naman a can of Nido eh. Pinapapak talaga niya. Aha-ha-ha! He’s so PG like his dada. Will call you again in a minute. Gosh, Biiiiiimby… enough na!”

No. 10: “P’re, si Rico E. Puno ‘to. Narinig ko na ang balita. Alam mo p’re, when you’re down and troubled, and you need a helping hand. And nothing, nothing is going right. Close your eyes and THINK of me and soon I will be there to brighten up even your darkest nights. Mas dark pare, mas okay. Take care, ‘cause I care… pare!”

No. 9: “Hillow? Numiro ba itu ni Prisidinti? Kaya mu ‘yan mahal na pangulu! Aku nga, ilang bisis ring binastid ni Jinkee bagu ku napa-uu. Piro, kung gustu mu talagang makuha ang isang babai, una sa lahat pasalamat ka muna sa Panginuun. Kung wala siya, wala ka rin sa mundu. Tapus, pasalamat ka sa supurta ng taung bayan. Kung ‘di ka nila ibinutu, ‘di mu makikilala si Lez. ‘Yun lang ang advice ko. Basta, kip preying, at makakatagpu ka rin ng babaing para sa ‘yu! Ooops, tika, anu ‘yang kamira sa harapan ku?!? Sus ginuu! Nariyan ka pala Dyan Castilliju. ‘Kala ku si Nanay Dionisia! Pastilan!”

No. 8: “Hi Sir! Mai Mislang here. I know, I know! The feeling sucks, right?”

No. 7: “Hello Noy. Si Koring ‘to! Yes, Koring, may iba pa ba? Hi-hi-hi. Sinubukan ko lang ‘tong bagong phone ni Mar. ‘Di ko naman alam na sa ‘yo pala ang last dialed number. How are you na? Long time no hear ah. Okay naman ako. Heto, balik sa trono. Ooops, erase-erase-erase. Siyanga pala, I heard may ‘di kagandahang nangyari between ‘yo and the stylist. After all these years, ‘di ka pa ba nasanay?! Ooops, erase-erase-erase!”

No. 6: “Hello? Ish thish Noynoy’sh anshwering maschine? Oh, how are you iho? I’m shorry huh for meddling in your pershonal life. Pero what’sh thish I heard that you’re blaming me and my adminishtrashion for your lacklushter and imaginary affairsh of the heart? That’sh sho unfair! Ishtop! Okay? Let’sh move on. At katulad ng paulit-ulit na advice sha akin ng aking ama, do what ish right, do what ish best, and Mike Arroyo will take care of the rest. I mean, God will take care of the resht. I am shorry.”

No. 5: “Hi Noy. Si Krissy ulit to. You make kwento na kasi! What happened ba? Why do I keep reading the word “basted” on Twitter? Gosh! ‘Di ba I told you na allergic si Liz sa secondhand smoke? Siguro nag-yosi ka na naman in front of her. Hay naku! You’re so matigas ang ulo kasi! Basta next time… Biiiiimby! Ano baaaaa?! Tigilan mo na ‘yang Nido!”

No. 4: “Hello Mistel Plesident. Donald Tsang koling. Bakit ikaw ‘di sagot akyen tawag? Dalawa ulit ako tawag lagi machine answer. Sabi machine “Sorry, da numbel you dial is in a meeting.” Ako inis ulit pero ako understand iyo situation. Tawag ako iyo kasi bigay ako numbel 1 tip para babae sagot ka yes. Ikaw iwash smile para babae isip ikaw mystelious. Dapat ikaw pa-mystelious epek. Oki? ‘Yun lang. Jīng cháng lián xì a！”

No. 3: “Noy? Hello po! Tinest ko lang po kung active pa ‘tong number mo. Mukhang active pa nga. Sige po, idi-delete ko na. Oo nga pala, naka-box na po ‘yong mga regalo mo sa ‘king figurines, mugs at stuffed toys from Blue Magic. Plano ko sanang itapon kaya lang baka gusto mong ipamigay sa staff mo. Paki-pick na lang po sa bahay namin sa Valenzuela sa Monday, holiday naman. Salamat po.”

No. 2: “Hello and good morning Mr. President! Attorney Edwin Lacierda here. I just would like to inform you that I have received your personal memo. Ricky and Manolo are in the process of fine-tuning your love letter to Ms. Uy. We’re very sorry it was released prematurely. And we’re doubly sorry that the half-baked message was obtained and reported by ANC. I have ordered an investigation to determine the source of the leak. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, it’s still Liz Uy who has the final say.”

And the No.1 message left on President Aquino’s answering machine…

“Hi Noy! Si Mar ‘to! Lakasan mo ang iyong loob bro. And don’t worry, matatagpuan mo rin ang babaeng para sa ‘yo. Minsan nga, ‘yong ‘di mo inaasahan ang siya pang dumarating. Tingnan mo ako: who would have thought na darating ang araw na magiging misis ko ang ex-girlfriend mo? That’s the magic of love ‘tol. Oh, by the way, did you see Shalani on Willing Willie last night? ‘T*ng-ina pare, Naka-sleeveless! Sumiseksi pare! Syet! Awrrr!”

IN OTHER NEWS…

After failing to secure a TRO against the airing of Willie Revillame’s new show, ABS-CBN has filed a PhP127 million copyright infringement case versus ‘Willing Willie’ and TV5 for allegedly copying ‘Wowowee.’ Next week, ABS-CBN will file another case against the TV host and TV5 for ‘copying’ TV Patrol’s “idea” of hiring an ex-girlfriend of the president.

ABS-CBN has accused Willie Revillame and TV5 of plagiarism. Revillame retorted, “Willing Willie, as an entertainment show is a form of art. Sa arts, ang plagiarism ay accepted practice!”

According to the complaint, TV5’s airing of Willing Willie has caused and continues to cause irreparable damage to ABS-CBN… specifically, to TV Patrol.

Animal Lover
Two counts of violation of The Animal Welfare Act were filed against a 33-year-old farmer in Naujan, Oriental Mindoro after he allegedly raped a pet dog twice this month. The farmer categorically denied the accusation saying he was a loyal husband… to his carabao.

Reports say the 33-year-old farmer in Naujan, Oriental Mindoro who was charged for allegedly sexually assaulting a pet dog had previously raped a pig! The farmer vehemently denied the allegation saying he was a victim of black propaganda concocted by a disgruntled ex-flame, a hen.
——————————————-
♪♪ “It takes some time
God knows how long ♪♪
I know that I can forget you ♪♪
♪ As soon as my heart stops breakin’
Anticipating ♪ ♪
♪As soon as forever is through ♪♪
I’ll be over you”♪♪
~Toto, I’ll Be Over You

Survey Says
On the resignation of Tourism undersecretary Enteng Romano:
- Dapat lang! Palpak eh! 47.12%
- Isang kapuri-puring hakbang! Mabuhay ka! 41.81%
- Sino siya? Anong balita? 11.06%

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QUOTE IN THE ACT

Kung nanonood, nakikinig o nagbabasa ka ng balita, tiyak na maaalala mo kung sino ang nagbitiw ng mga linyang ito, kung sino ang pinatutungkulan nila, at kung bakit nila ito nasabi.

Panuto: Piliin ang titik ng tamang sagot na tumutugon sa bawat tanong. Bawal magsaliksik sa Google. You have 10 minutes. Ang may pinakamaraming tamang sagot sa pinakamaikling oras ay tatanggap ng round trip ticket for two to Poland sakay ng RoRo! Good luck!

1: Matapos umani ng batikos, sinong opisyal ng gobyerno ang nagsabi nito: “If I offended anybody, please know that was never the intention. I feel extremely blessed to be in a beautiful country blessed with warm hospitable people.”
A: Pangulong Aquino matapos mahalak habang nagtatalumpati sa APEC Summit
B: Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang dahil sa kanyang tweets tungkol sa Vietnam
C: Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim dahil sa halos kinopyang tourism logo ng Poland
D: Ewan. Hindi ko sure kung sino pero in fairness sa kanyang statement, parang namamlastik lang.

2: Kaninong linya naman ito: “Makikita mo naman iyong tao kung nagsisinungaling, hindi makakatingin ng diretso. So, morally convinced ako na nagsasabi siya ng totoo.”
A: Si Vice President Jejomar Binay patungkol sa bar exams blast suspect na si Anthony Nepomuceno
B: Ang outgoing ABS-CBN News chief na si Maria Ressa nang tanungin kung totoong masaya ba si Karen Davila sa pagtanggap ng newscasting job sa “Bandila” matapos patalsikin sa TV Patrol
C: Si Liz Uy nang hingan ng kumento sa rebelasyon ni Pangulong Aquino na nagdi-date nga sila
D: Ewan. Hindi ko sure pero parang nangangamoy “whitewash.”

3: Ayon kay Sarangani Representative Manny Pacquiao, “makasalanan ang paggamit ng condom.” Tutol din aniya siya sa kontrobersyal na RH Bill dahil:
A: Hindi niya alam ang ibig sabihin ng R at H sa RH Bill.
B: Hindi siya makatanggi kapag babae na mismo ang nangangalabit.
C: Hindi naman kasi sinabi sa Bibliya na limitahan ang pamilya.
D: Una sa lahat, pasalamat muna aku sa mahal na Panginoon. Kung wala siya, wala aku. Tapos salamat sa inyung walang sawang pagsupurta. Lagi pu kayong manood ng Pinuy Rikurds at Shoo Me Da Mani. Pakiulit ng tanong. Nalitu aku. You know.

4: Inilarawan siya ng Malacañang as “secure, untappable, and uninterrupted.” Ano o sino ang tinutukoy ng palasyo?
A: Ang Presidential Situation Room
B: Ang official Facebook account ni Pangulong Aquino matapos ipasara ang isang similar Facebook Fan Page
C: Ang Twitter account ni Assec. Mai Mislang matapos itong ideactivate ng Communications Group
D: Uninterrupted? Si Kris Aquino ‘yon.

5: Sino ang nagbitiw ng linyang ito: “Sa inyo pong lahat: Kami ay taos-pusong humihingi ng inyong pang-unawa, pagpapatawad at pagpapaumanhin sa aming naging mga pagkukulang.”
A: Si Ms. Charo Santos matapos mabigo ang ABS-CBN na makakuha ng TRO upang pigilan ang pag-ere ng ‘Willing Willie’ sa TV5
B: Ang Presidential Communications Group matapos ang Mai Mislang incident
C: Ang First Philippine Industrial Corporation sa mga residente ng West Tower Condominium
C: Ang Intergrated Metro Bus Operators president na si Claire De La Fuente matapos ma-lowbatt nang sabay-sabay ang cellphones ng mga bus drivers na nagresulta sa hindi nila pagbiyahe noong November 15.

6: Sa isang panayam sa ANC, sinabi ni Gretchen Barretto na hinding-hindi siya magsusuot ng mumurahing panty dahil:
A: “Been there, done that. Ayoko nang balikan ang dati kong buhay.”
B: “Because I’m always ready.”
C: “In the Cojuangco household, everything is expensive.”
D: “Cheap na nga ako, tapos cheap pa ang panty ko. Gosh, unfair na ‘yon noh?”

7: Kaninong pahayag ito at sino ang kanyang pinapatamaan: “Eh ako gusto pa akong patayin, eh ngayon patayin ko na nga lang sila. Hindi na sila makaganti.”
A: Si Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago patungkol sa ilang cabinet officials na kinaiinisan niya
B: Si Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago bilang sagot sa mga pagbabanta sa kanya ng mga jueteng lords
C: Si Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago sa mga organizers ng isang forum sa Turkey na pinagsususpetsahan niyang nanabotahe sa kanyang daraanan kaya nahulog siya sa stage
D: Si Senator Si Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago at ang mga kaaway niya sa kanyang imahinasyon

8: Sa live na panayam sa TV Patrol kagabi, November 23, ano ang naging paliwanag ng nagbitiw na undersecretary ng Department of Tourism na si Vicente Romano sa isyu ng umano’y pangongopya ng DOT sa tourism logo ng Poland?
A: “Matagal na naming nagawa ang logo ng ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda.’ Mas una lang nag-launch ang Poland.”
B: “Ang plagiarism po pagdating sa art ay isang accepted practice.”
C: “Ano pa bang gusto n’yong gawin ko? Kaya nga nagresign na ako ‘di ba?”
D: “Kahit gaano po katuwid ang isang daan, kapag nasobrahan ang gamit, nagkakaroon din ng lubak. Konting pang-unawa po ang aking hiling.”

9: “We had a conversation and I discovered how a beautiful person she was, one can have intelligent conversation with her.” Kaninong linya ito at sino ang kanyang tinutukoy?
A: President Aquino on Liz Uy
B: James Yap on Attorney Lorna Kapunan
C: Former ABS-CBN News chief Maria Ressa on Korina Sanchez
D: Jessica Soho on the artist formerly known as Jimboy

10: “Pope Benedict XVI was taken out of context and the quotations were not according to the whole.” Ito ang reaksyon nino sa umano’y pagpayag ni Pope Benedict XVI sa paggamit ng condom ng mga lalaking prostitute upang mapigilan ang pagkalat ng sakit?
A: Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz
B: Isang lider simbahang sarado ang pag-iisip
C: Isang arsobispong “in denial” sa bagong development sa Vatican
D: Ewan ko ba sa matandang ‘yon. Ang hirap paliwanagan.
—————————————–
“States are not moral agents, people are, and can impose moral standards on powerful institutions.”
- Noam Chomsky

IN THE NEWS…
The architect of the scrapped “Pilipinas Kay Ganda” project, Tourism undersecretary Vicente Romano has resigned. Palace sources believe Romano was still “inspired” by Poland’s tourism logo when he quit his post… because the last line in his resignation letter reads, “That’s all Polsk!”

Contrary to Secretary Alberto Lim’s earlier claim that not a single centavo was spent for the scrapped re-branding of the government’s tourism campaign, DOT insiders revealed that almost 5M pesos was spent for it. Pilipinas Kay Mahal!

Tourism Undersecretary Vicente “Enteng” Romano, the brains behind the botched ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda’ brand said sorry for what he has done in a press briefing. There was one awkward moment though when Sec. Dinky Soliman suddenly appeared and started singing ‘If We Hold On (Together.)’

Tourism Undersecretary Vicente “Enteng” Romano, the proponent of the controversial ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda’ brand has resigned. He has since applied for a job in the Supreme Court.

Tourism undersecretary Vicente ‘Enteng’ Romano – the proponent of the controversial ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda’ branding has resigned. Ateneo President Fr. Bienvenido Nebres refused to accept his resignation.

Survey Says
Kung hindi lalaban si Floyd Mayweather Jr. kay Manny Pacquiao, should the People’s Champ retire?
- OO. Tama na. 61.5%
- SIGURO isa pa. 11%
- Bahala siya. 27.5%

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DETOUR

Welcome to the Philippines!
Where Tourism officials draw inspiration from the Poles
Mabuhay!

Pilipinas Kay Ganda:
A Postscript
Just five days after its grand launch, the Department of Tourism’s controversial logo, which bears a strong resemblance to Poland’s tourism logo – was ordered scrapped by President Aquino. DOT officials are now doing research on the tourism logos of Peru and Panama.

In a news conference Saturday, President Aquino ordered the Department of Tourism to drop its controversial new logo. DOT officials replied, “Copy.”

President Aquino admitted Saturday that the image of a tarsier in the “Pilipinas kay Ganda” logo as well as the smiling face were his idea. He just wanted to add a ‘personal’ touch to the brand.

Advertising agency Campaigns & Grey revealed that the Department of Tourism “directed” them to use the Polska logo “for inspiration.” But they got so inspired they eventually fell in love with it.

Pacman in Malacañang
Eight-division world champion Manny Pacquiao paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang last Saturday. Pacquiao was also welcomed by some cabinet members. It was like the meeting of a welterweight and the lightweights.

Malacañang didn’t bestow any award to Manny Pacquiao last Saturday but President Aquino gave him a bottle of wine. It was no ordinary wine though. It was pre-tasted by Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang.

Manny Pacquiao paid a courtesy call in Malacañang Saturday. After exchanging gifts with the President, Pacquiao and his supporters left the palace… but promised to return – in 2028.

From the Ninoy Aquino International Airport, pound-for-pound king Manny Pacquiao with his family, assistants, and close supporters proceeded to the New World Hotel in Makati City. There were 15 rooms booked for the Pacquiao entourage – 4 rooms for Manny and family, and 11 rooms for Jinkee’s Louis Vuitton and Hermes bags.

Reports say Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile is not sold to the idea of Manny Pacquiao running for president of the Philippines, perhaps in 2022 or 2028. Pacquiao’s supporters were unfazed by the senator’s stance on their idol’s possible presidential bid mainly because they’re sure Enrile would no longer be around when it happens.
—————————
“It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.”
~Herman Melville

Elsewhere
Create your own slogan using the “Pilipinas, Kay Ganda” template

Briefly Noted
Several (if not all) branches of Wendy’s Hamburgers have been consistently violating the Consumer Act of the Philippines. Its price tags are exclusive of the 12% VAT. The law states “it shall be unlawful to offer any consumer product for retail sale to the public without an appropriate price tag, label or marking publicly displayed to indicate the price of each article and said product shall not be sold at a price higher than that stated therein and without discrimination to all buyers.

Survey Says
Alin ang mas okay na slogan ng Department of Tourism?
- WOW Philippines 77.54%
- Pilipinas Kay Ganda 4.22%
- Whatever. I don’t care. 18.23%

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CATCHPHRASE

LAST MONDAY, the Department of Tourism announced a change in slogan: from “Wow Philippines” to “Pilipinas Kay Ganda.” It was the DOT’s biggest accomplishment yet since June.

DOT Secretary Alberto Lim clarified that the new slogan that was previewed Monday was not final yet. Or as palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda would say, “it’s being fine-tuned.”

After receiving criticisms for changing the DOT’s catchphrase, Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim said Wednesday “Pilipinas Kay Ganda” was previewed Monday to test and gather feedback. Welcome to the Aquino presidency, your trial and error government.

Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim revealed that the ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda’ brand was a result of a four-month study. In fairness, hindi halata.

This just in! A blogger pointed out some similarities between the logo of “Pilipinas Kay Ganda” and the logo of Poland’s official travel website. Sought for comment, an unidentified DOT official said, “As long as there’s no malice, it’s okay.”
The latest online buzz is that the logo of the “Pilipinas Kay Ganda” campaign of the Department of Tourism was “copied” from the logo of Poland’s official travel website… making DOT Secretary Alberto Lim a possible frontrunner for Associate Justice of the Supreme Court.

As mentioned above, Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim revealed that the ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda’ brand was a result of a four-month long study… which was understandable since the study was conducted naman pala in Poland.

Top 5 Suggested but Rejected (Read: Lamest) Slogans for the Government’s Tourism Campaign

No. 5: “I can Phil it…”

NO. 4: “Wiling-wili sa RP”

No. 3: “Pilipinas… ang gandaaaa! Ang lambooot! Ang dulaaas”

No. 2: “‘Sa kulay at saya, parang nasa Poland ka sa mas murang halaga!

And the No. 1 suggested but rejected (read: lamest) slogan for the government’s tourism campaign (assume that President Aquino and his sister Kris are the tourism envoys)…

“Uy, ang gandaaa!
Yap, ang saraaap!”

The Tourism Department has changed its slogan from “Wow Philippines!” to “Pilipinas Kay Ganda.” The new slogan was chosen from among several suggested catchphrases including two from presidential sister Kris Aquino: “Pilipinas, Game Ka Na Ba?” and “Pilipinas Win na Win.”

Rumors say Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang also suggested a new slogan for the government’s tourism campaign but was rejected by DOT officials. Mislang’s suggestion? “Pilipinas, maraming pogi rito.”

From Japan With Love
Presidente Aquino is back from Yokohama. The successful trip was highlighted by the $2.85 billion worth of potential investments from Japan; a “fruitful” meeting with Hong Kong executive Donald Tsang, and his confirmation of a budding romance with Liz Uy.

Talking about his personal stylist Liz Uy, the president said, “We have been spending time together as our schedules will permit.” He didn’t say though if Liz Uy knew that they were spending time together.

Kris Aquino says she likes Liz Uy, and adds she wants her brother Noynoy to settle down. Noynoy says he also likes Liz Uy, and adds he wants his sister Kris to shut up.

According to an informant of entertainment editor Ricky Lo, President Aquino has had 18 girlfriends. Or as pessimists would say, 18 failed relationships.

Transport Strike:
A Postscript

Last Monday, some 5,000 passengers in Metro Manila got stranded when bus operators went on a strike in apparent protest of the number coding scheme. That’s the latest problem – involving buses – that has hounded the Aquino presidency.

A day after buses stayed off Metro Manila roads, Integrated Metro Bus Operators Association (IMBOA) president Claire de la Fuente declared on TV, “There was no bus strike. Nagkasabay lang na ‘di pumasok ang mga driver.” Again, De La Fuente was not insulting our intelligence. She was assuming we don’t have any.

Semi-retired recording artist and now, IMBOA president Claire De La Fuente insisted, “There was no bus strike (last Monday). Nagkasabay lang na ‘di pumasok ang mga driver.” In giving that excuse, Claire was obviously trying to evade suspension… after her successful attempt to evade taxation.

Claire de la Fuente claims the number coding scheme on buses is unjust, as it would drastically reduce the income of bus operators by about 20 percent. But if you’re not paying your taxes honestly, why worry?

Miriam on Cabinet Men
Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago says President Aquino has a “lightweight cabinet” and vowed to block the confirmation of at least six cabinet members. The feisty lawmaker added, “I will massacre these people.” In totally unrelated news, sources reveal that when Senator Santiago fell off the stage at a forum in Istanbul, Turkey recently, “una ang ulo.”

Wyngard, 58
Veteran talent manager Wyngard Tracy died before dawn last Tuesday. Wyngard was the manager of Richard Gomez, Lucy Torres, Wendell Ramos, and John Estrada who used to be managed by Douglas Quijano who passed away last year. They are now looking for a new manager. Anyone?
——————————–
“More is required of public officials than slogans and handshakes and press releases. More is required. We must hold ourselves strictly accountable. We must provide the people with a vision of the future.”
~Barbara Jordan

Survey Says
Kung ikaw ang papipiliin ng babae para sa pangulo, kanino ka?
- Team Shalani Soledad 29.59%
- Team Liz Uy 15.98%
- Wala! 54.44%

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SIMPLY GR8!

MANNY “PACMAN” PACQUIAO has defeated his much bigger opponent, Antonio “Tijuana Tornado” Margarito of Mexico. He has now won big fights against Margarito, Oscar De La Hoya, and Miguel Cotto. His next target? Either the Senate or the vice presidency.

Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao has beaten Antonio Margarito of Mexico. Margarito, who was 17-pound heavier, was Pacquiao’s second toughest opponent to date… next only to Darlene Antonino-Custodio.

Beaten black and blue by Manny Pacquiao, Antonio Margarito is now known as “The Tijuana Tostado.”

Before the fight, official stats revealed Antonio Margarito was 4.5 inches bigger than Manny Pacquiao… to which, Jinkee Pacquiao said, “Didma! Belieb me, nasa performance ‘yan.”

Manny Pacquiao demolished Antonio Margarito to win the WBC super welterweight championship. He is now the 8-time, 2-timing fighting congressman from the Philippines.

According to rumors, Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang was using a secret Twitter account while watching the bout. Observers had reason to believe it was Mislang who owned the account because of the “nature” of the tweets. One tweet said, “margarito sucks @rickycarandang” And yet another said, “crossing pacquiao’s path is the easiest way to die.” And finally, one tweet read, “sorry pacman pero mas pogi si margarito.”

Manny Pacquiao won every round on one scorecard, 120-108, and was ahead 119-109 and 118-110 on the other two. The Associated Press scored it 120-108, a shutout for Manny. As expected, Kantar-TNS scored it 118-110… for ABS-CBN.

Ringside punch stats showed Pacquiao landed 474 punches while Margarito had 229. Vetellano Acosta landed 12. [Na naman?!?]

The People’s Champ dominated Antonio Margarito, and his heavier opponents with his speed. Pacman’s speed has become legend… although sometimes, as Jinkee confessed, “Nakakainis din kapag sobra siyang bilis.”

This just in: The World Boxing Council is checking reports Antonio Margarito has renounced his Mexican citizenship after his loss. Rumors have it Margarito has turned Japanese. Right click here for the supposed “evidence.”

Despite their compatriot’s defeat, a contingent of Mexicans still managed to party in Texas after the fight. However, tension ensued between a bar manager and a group of Mexicans when waiters reportedly served them bloody margarita.

Manny Pacquiao exuded confidence when he entered the stadium for the title fight. He was accompanied by the usual suspects – trainer Freddie Roach, conditioning coach Alex Ariza, and Dyan Castillejo.

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng lalaking nakapula sa gawing kaliwa?
A: “O, bakit galit na naman kayo? Puwede ba, ‘wag mainggit? Close kami eh. Anong pakialam n’yo?
B: “Ronald, anak… kung nanonood ka d’yan sa Hong Kong… para sa ‘yo, ang laban na ‘to!”
C: “Teka, teka. Hindi ko alam na may photographer eh. Na-set up ako! Na-set up ako!”

Free TV Telecast
Watching the fight on free TV, Filipinos realized three things: no boxer could match Pacquiao’s speed; Manny’s still the best fighter pound-for-pound, and GMA 7 yet again, was in another time zone.

Thrilled
Hundreds if not thousands of Filipinos including expats witnessed the 12-round bout between Manny Pacquiao and Antonio Margarito in malls, restaurants, and hotels. Asked to describe the fight, a Briton said, “Awesome!” A lawyer said, “Tough!” And an APO member said, “Explosive!”

National Anthem
Recording artist Zyrene Parsad sang the Philippine national anthem before the Pacquiao-Margarito fight. Those who caught her rendition of ‘Lupang Hinirang’ were inclined to believe she’s a graduate of the ‘Erwin Tulfo Accent-Accentan Academy.’

Ate Guy
Nora Aunor’s alleged tweet while watching the Pacquiao-Margarito fight:
“delia MAGA na ang mukha ni margarito. mamaya, babagsak na ‘yan sa FLOR contemplacion. go manny! #iDIDnotKILLanybody #changgiPRISON”

————————————-
“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them – a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.”
~ Muhammad Ali

Survey Says
Sa bakbakang Pacquiao-Margarito, ano ang prediksyon mo?
Pacquiao by knock out 53.44%
Pacquiao by decision 28.44%
Margarito na ‘yan! 18.13%

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ANG KASABIHAN, BOW!

MAKABAGO AT NABAGONG mga salawikain batay sa mga pangyayari sa pulitika, pamahalaan, at telebisyon:

Politics & Government
Ang tunay na kaibigan, karamay kahit kailan.
(Ang mas tunay na kaibigan, resignation ay tinatanggihan.)

Kung ano ang puno, siya’ng best friend.

Aanhin mo pa ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay lasenggo;
mabuti pa ang bahay-kubo na ang nakatira’y si Prisco Nilo.

Ang bayaning nasusugatan…
PAGASA ay iniiwan.

Naghangad ng kagitna, isang salop ang nawala
(Naghangad ng pogi, kinuyog ng madla!)

Look before you leap.
(Think before you tweet.)

Bago mo punahin ang sa ibang uling; uling mo muna ang iyong pahirin.
(Bago ka maghanap ng pogi sa Vietnam; maghanap ka muna ng pogi sa Malacañang.)

Ang taong lumalakad nang matulin,
kalsada ng Hanoi ang tatawirin.

Ang senador na naglalakad nang matulin
may murder cases na nakabinbin

Ang ‘brod’ na nagigipit,
sa bise presidente kumakapit.

Birds of a feather… belong to the same faction.

Ang maniwala sa sabi-sabi
naglalabas ng travel advisory.

Kung ano ang sukat ng ohales iyon din ang laki ng butones.
(Kung anong gustong budget ng palasyo, inaprubahan ng Kongreso.)

Ang punong hitik sa bunga… kadalasan pinupukol.
(Ang punong hitik sa kapalpakan… dapat pinapalakol.)

Madali ang maging tao,
kung walang RH Bill.

Magbiro ka na sa lasing
‘Wag lang sa airport about bombing

Tuso man ang congressman, este, ang matsing…

Ang masamang damo, matagal mamatay
Basta! Si Senator Enrile, 86 na.

TV Developments
Kung hindi ukol, hindi bubukol.
(Kung talagang ukol, ibabalik sa TV Patrol)

Ang taong walang kibo…
nagiging co-host.

Ang taong nagigipit, sa ‘Willing Willie’ kumakapit.

Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, sa ‘The World Tonight’ nakatunganga.

Kahit sang gubat ay may ahas.
(Kahit sa newsroom.)

Papunta ka pa lang (sa ABS-CBN);
Pabalik na ko (sa CNN).
————————————-
“By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson”

Survey Says
Naniniwala ka ba na tapat at walang daya ang lotto draws?
- Oo naman! 34.57%
- Duda ako. Basta. Duda ako. 52.16%
- Hindi ako interesado sa lotto. 13.27%

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FIGURES

Clinton in Manila
Former US President Bill Clinton paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang. It was a very casual meeting between the two leaders. When Aquino asked, “Coffee, milk or tea?” Clinton replied, “Interns.”

President Aquino received a courtesy call from former US President Bill Clinton. It was a casual and private meeting between the two leaders. Aquino talked about alternative sources of funds; Clinton talked about alternative uses of cigars.

Clinton in Manila II
On Wednesday, the Alpha Phi Omega fraternity (Gamma Epsilon Chapter) came out with half-page ads in leading broadsheets to welcome their “brod,” former US President Bill Clinton. Rumors say, during Clinton’s brief stay here, APO members had so much fun with him. It was a blast!

TV War: A Postscript
According to AGB Nielsen’s Mega Manila ratings last Monday, November 8, TV5’s ‘Willing Willie’ with Shalani Soledad beat ABS-CBN’s ‘TV Patrol’ with Korina Sanchez, 11.6 to 10.7. Mar Roxas is reportedly filing a protest.

Reports say President Aquino did not watch Shalani Soledad’s hosting debut on television. Not that he avoided seeing her but… you have to understand, “Willing Willie” was on the same time slot as ‘The Tom and Jerry Show.’

According to Kantar TNS’ Mega Manila ratings, ‘TV Patrol’ with comeback queen Korina Sanchez won against TV5’s ‘Willing Willie,’ with its new co-host Shalani Soledad, 20.9 to 19.3. Meanwhile, GMA 7’s 24Oras got 23.4 percent prompting Ms. Jessica Soho to exclaim, “Thank God, Tita Mel wasn’t an ex-girlfriend!”

According to ABS-CBN’s survey firm Kantar TNS, ‘TV Patrol’ is tops nationwide, as well as in Metro Manila. ‘K.

On ‘Willing Willie’ last Monday, Councilor Shalani Soledad said, “This is not about Willie. This is not about me, but it’s more on kung ano ang magagawa para sa tao.” Is it 2013 yet?

Out Soon?
Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino will soon replace Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa. If that’s true, the President just gave Ochoa another reason to get drunk.

At around 2:47AM (Wednesday), news websites started posting reports that Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa was on the way out. The reports didn’t specify if he’s on the way out as Little President or on the way out of a bar.

Rumors say Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa, who received flak for committing blunder after blunder will be replaced by Energy Secretary Jose Rene Almendras. Almendras says he’s not aware of the issue and then cleared Ochoa of any wrongdoing as Little President.

Lotto Fever
The Grand Lotto 6/55 draw on Wednesday, November 10 has a jackpot prize of 375 million pesos. Ang liit naman! That’s equivalent to just one senator’s pork barrel for one and half years.

Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri admits he spends 2,000 pesos on lotto every month. Apparently, Zubiri believes in luck. That’s what made him senator anyway.

Senator Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr is also a lotto fan. His six numbers are a combination of the birth dates of his women.

APEC Summit
President Aquino is off to Yokohama tomorrow for the APEC Summit. As reported earlier, his speechwriter, Asst. Sec. Carmen ‘Mai’ Mislang will not be part of the official delegation, and that’s really unfortunate. Marami pa namang pogi sa Japan.

Guidelines
President Aquino has reportedly approved the draft of guidelines for government employees in using social media networks like Twitter and Facebook. Rule No. 1: Drinking wine (that sucks) while tweeting is not allowed… especially if you are in Vietnam. Rule No. 2: Don’t cross the street while you tweet. That’s suicide. And finally, Rule No. 3: In reality, ang pogi ay para lang sa maganda. Kung wala kang makita, baka hindi sila ang may problema. Baka ikaw.
—————————————
“A competitive world offers two possibilities. You can lose. Or, if you want to win, you can change.”
~Anonymous

Elsewhere…
Manila Standard Today: The Return of the K-Team

Philippine Daily Inquirer: Insatiable starlet meets match

Briefly Noted
In PDI’s Biz Buzz column Wednesday, November 8, reporter Dax Lucas re-released some figures from ABS-CBN (Kantar TNS) showing TV Patrol winning against TV5’s ‘Willing Willie,’ and GMA7′s ’24Oras’ last Monday night.

I wonder why Lucas didn’t cite the figures from Nielsen Media which revealed that ‘24Oras’ and ‘Willing Willie’ actually clobbered the comebacking duo of Korina and Kabayan last Monday in Mega Manila. What’s PDI’s slogan again? Balanced News, Fearless Views?

Survey Says
Pabor ka ba sa desisyon ni Councilor Shalani Soledad na maging co-host ni Willie Revillame?
- OO. Why not? 21.44%
- HINDI. 44.37%
- Wala akong pakialam! 34.18%

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NEWS/CASH

STARTING MONDAY, November 8, a former vice president, a former congressman, and a former senator’s wife will anchor ‘TV Patrol.’ Apparently, there was ‘politics’ in the drastic change.

TV5 is unfazed by the changes on ‘TV Patrol.’ On ‘Willing Willie,’ it will field an ex-future First Lady.

Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad said she was persuaded to accept the co-hosting offer of TV5 because she’ll be doing “public service.” When NBN4 executives heard this, they said, “Sayang! Had we known, inoffer sana namin sa kanya ang ‘Damayan!’”

Shalani Soledad has joined TV5 as co-host of Willie Revillame’s game show. This confirms her break up with the president.

In an interview, Willie Revillame said Shalani Soledad reminded him of the late Princess Diana. Shalani returned the compliment by telling Willie he reminded her of Princess Punzalan.

Radical changes are being implemented by ‘TV Patrol’ and ‘Willing Willie.’ Meanwhile, GMA 7 is monitoring both stations, beinte-kwatro oras.

‘TV Patrol’ has two new anchors; ‘Willing Willie’ has a new co-host… and ’24Oras’ has a new plug.

Meanwhile…
Sources say Karen Davila has yet to decide on her next move after being annihilated from ‘TV Patrol.’ Karen dismissed rumors she’s joining ‘Pilipinas, Win na Win.’

To give way to Julius Babao, Henry Omaga Diaz was removed from the late-night newscast ‘Bandila.’ He has since been given a ‘morning’ assignment.

Ces Drilon, the significant other of a Presidential Communications Group secretary will remain on ‘Bandila.’ This info was leaked to the press even before an official announcement was made.

The popular children’s show ‘Batibot’ is also making a TV comeback via TV5. Remember Big Bird on ‘Sesame Street?’ Rumors say ‘Batibot’ will have a similar female character. To give you an idea of how she would look like, right click here.

Light Bites
Elizabeth Barrett Browning:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

President Aquino to Mar Roxas:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the null votes.”

President Aquino to Interior Undersecretary Rico E. Puno:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the guns.”

Vice President Jejomar Binay to “brod:”
“How do I love thee? Let me count the defense lawyers.”

Supreme Court to UP Law:
“How do I love thee? Let me copy some ways.”

Mai Mislang to Vietnam:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the pogi.”

Gabby Lopez to Noli De Castro:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the cash.”

Congressman Kapalmuks to pork barrel:
“How do I loot thee? Let me count the ways.”

CBCP to LBTG Rights advocates:
“How do I loathe thee? Let me count the gays.”

Exec. Secretary Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa to Vina Morales:
“How do I love thee? Let me drink to that!”

ABS-CBN to Willie Revillame:
“How do I loathe thee? Let me count the suits.”

First Philippine Industrial Corp. (FPIC) to West Tower Condominium residents:
“How do I ‘leak’ thee? Let me count the pipes.”

Karen Davila to ABS-CBN:
“How do I leave thee? Let me count the offers.”

Hayden Kho to Vicki Belo:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the surgeries.”

Councilor Shalani Soledad to President Aquino:
“How do I spite thee? Let me count on Willie.”
——————————————
“When television is good, nothing is better. When it’s bad, nothing is worse.”
~Newton N. Minow

Survey Says
Sinibak ka sa TV Patrol, ano ang gagawin mo kung ikaw si Karen Davila?
- Wala lang. Deadma. Tanggapin ang Bandila. 22.65%
- Masakit. Baka sundan ko ang aking mister sa TV5. 51.22%
- Mag-iisip muna ako. Relax lang. 26.13%

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WARNINGS

Makati Gas Leak
Independent experts from UP discovered that the petroleum pipeline operated by the Lopez-owned First Philippine Industrial Corp. (FPIC) was the REAL source of the gas leak at the West Tower Condominium in Brgy. Bangkal, Makati City. When the leak was first discovered, Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was quick to absolve FPIC of any wrongdoing. The reports didn’t say though if FPIC officials were Binay’s fraternity brothers.

Briefly Noted
Three months ago, this was the headline:

To Energy Secretary Jose Rene Almendras:
“Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.”

Hostage Incident
A hostage incident took place in Brgy. Bangkal, Makati City Thursday afternoon. The crisis was swiftly resolved mainly because the police were able to control the media.

Travel Warnings & Security
Six countries have advised their nationals against traveling to the Philippines… specifically to Brgy. Bangkal, Makati City.

First the United States. Then, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and Great Britain. And now, France. What have we done to you? Did we say that your wine sucked? Did we say that men in your country didn’t look good? Did we say that crossing your streets was the easiest way to die? How dare you!? How could you treat us like this when you’re not even Vietnam?!?

On Thursday, an irked President Aquino said reports of imminent terror threats in the Philippines have “no adequate basis” and “were blown out of proportion.” A day later, he confirmed “the assassination plots on several of our security officials and two ambassadors.” Ano ba talaga?

Amid reports of terror threats in Metro Manila, the Light Rail Transit is now on Alert Level 3. Meanwhile, President Aquino is on Red Alert Level 10.

Due to stricter baggage inspection, there have been long queues at LRT and MRT stations. But queues outside lotto outlets are still longer.

Mall owners are reportedly concerned over reports of imminent terror threats in the metro. To give you an idea of how concerned they have been, this morning, the Gokongweis evacuated the “snake” out of Robinsons Galleria.

Following reports of terror threats, security has been beefed up around the metro. And people from all walks of life are taking it seriously. For instance, in Makati Avenue, prostitutes are now asking for at least two IDs from customers.

Intelligence reports say Islamic terrorists are targeting San Juan City. According to San Juan Rep. JV Ejercito “extra-precautions are now being implemented” in the area. The police have been supplied high-powered rifles, the residents have been told to be vigilant, and his mom, former actress Guia Gomez, now city mayor has been advised to act like one.

This just in: Malacanang has issued a travel advisory ahead of next week’s APEC Summit in Japan. The advisory bars Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang from taking the trip with the President.

Robredo Out Soon?
Earlier reports say President Aquino is removing Secretary Jesse Robredo from the Department of Interior and Local Government and appointing him as head of an agency tasked to oversee informal settlers – something that was so appropriate since Robredo has always been treated by the president as an informal settler at the DILG.

Less than 24 hours after being quoted as such, President Aquino denied that Secretary Robredo was on the way out… apparently because his “relocation site” has yet to be established.

Lozada Out of Nuns’ Care
NBN-ZTE deal whistleblower Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr. is reportedly leaving the care of a group of nuns. Soon, Lozada will no longer be an informal settler.

Pacquiao’s Endorsement
US Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid whom Manny Pacquiao endorsed emerged victorious in the recently concluded US midterm elections. Observers say Pacquiao’s endorsement was a huge factor in Reid’s win although it also helped that the senator didn’t attempt to discredit his opponent by releasing manufactured psychiatric reports.

La Greta’s Undies
Interviewed on ANC, actress Gretchen Barretto explained that she would never ever wear cheap panties because she was “always ready.” She didn’t say though if she’s ready to explain why her lips are the only part of her face that move.
———————————————-
“I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian. They said, “Say something funny then.” I told them I had just graduated from flying school.”
~Ahmed Ahmed

Barranda Out, Fullido In
From a very reliable source: Model Phoemela Barranda who hosts the showbiz segment ‘Star Patrol’ on TV Patrol will be replaced by Gretchen Fullido starting Monday, November 8. Ouch!

Survey Says
Alin ang mas patok para sa ‘yo:
- Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho 50.61%
- Rated K 12.7%
- Wala sa dalawa! 36.68%

Personal
Kobe, Coach Phil, and the Los Angeles Lakers are on a 5-game winning streak. Is it June 2011 yet?

Naki-”paki” ang isang kaibigan mula sa UP. Dapat daw araw-araw, Araw ng mga Ina.

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HOT SEAT

State Visits
Reports say leaders of at least six nations invited President Aquino for a state visit soon. Hoping to persuade Aquino, the six leaders vowed to serve better tasting wine.

The Mai Mislang Case: A Postscript
Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Assistant Secretary Carmen “Mai” Mislang pleaded guilty to posting insensitive tweets while in Vietnam. Less than 24 hours later, President Aquino granted her amnesty.

Senator Francis Pangilinan says embattled Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang made a mistake, has apologized, and was reprimanded. That, for him was enough. Mistake. Apology. Reprimand. End of story. It obviously worked for him and Shawie. Hopefully, it works for everybody.

Saying Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s apology was enough, Senator Francis Pangilinan said the public should focus on the serious problems of the country. Okay, sure. Let’s start with the Presidential Communications Group.

Top 5 Rejected Suggestions for Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s New Email Address (to Sign Up for a New Twitter Account)
[Note: Mislang has reportedly deactivated (or probably deleted) her Twitter account.]

No. 5: ihavelearnedmylesson@hanoi.biz

No. 4: pogi_hunting@foreigntrips.net

No. 3: statevisittovietnam@neveragain.com

No. 2: thewinestillsucked@honestlangtalagaako.ph

And the No. 1 rejected suggestion for Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s new email address…

sobrangmissko_na_angtwitter@taklesaunderfire.org

Bar Blast Update
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima says two more members of the Alpha Phi Omega fraternity are being hunted for their suspected involvement in the bar exams blast last September. Rumors say the two APO members will surrender… as soon as Vice President Jejomar Binay becomes available.

Most Wanted Man
The country’s most wanted man, kidnap suspect Rolando Fajardo was arrested after 10 years in hiding. With Fajardo’s arrest, the No. 1 position is now occupied by Senator Panfilo Lacson.
One of the country’s most wanted men, Rolando Fajardo believes he will get a fair and just trial under the new administration of President Aquino. If lucky, he could even get an amnesty.

SWS Survey
The good news is: 7 out of 10 are satisfied with Vice President Jojo Binay. The bad news is: Mrs. Binay is not of one of them.

Lacson’s Driver
Fugitive senator Panfilo Lacson’s former bodyguard and driver, retired Senior Police Officer 4 Reynaldo Oximoso was arrested in Bagac, Bataan Monday. Oximoso is facing charges for allegedly killing a cop, as well as identity theft… after he tried to pose as Morgan Freeman.

From RP to PH
The Department of Foreign Affairs announced recently that the government has shifted from using RP as official acronym of the Philippines to PH (or PHL). But DFA officials categorically denied rumors that the country’s official motto will likewise be changed from the original “Maka-Diyos, Maka-Tao, Makakalikasan at Makabansa” to simply… “PH Cares.”

Kris’ Dream
President Aquino’s youngest sister, Kris revealed Tuesday, “I dreamt of mom. It was as if she was moving in my house. Parang nagpaparamdam si mom na parang everything is at peace na.” Yeah, it was. Until that dream.

“Imagine” Manny & Will
Manny Pacquiao guested again on the late-night talk show show Jimmy Kimmel Live where he performed a duet with comedian Will Ferrell. Pacman and Will sang the John Lennon classic “Imagine.” Watching the show online in Malacanang, an unidentified official murmured, “the duet sucks.”

TV Patrol
Former vice president Noli De Castro, former congressman Ted Failon, and former senator Mar Roxas’ wife Korina Sanchez will anchor ABS-CBN’s TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the newscast will change its name to “Strictly Politics.” [Ayaw ni Pia Hontiveros ng ganyan! ]

A former vice president, a former congressman, and a former senator’s wife will anchor TV Patrol starting next week. This early, Forbes Magazine is keen on naming TV Patrol Asia’s most powerful and influential news program.

Former vice president Noli De Castro will return to TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. Rumors say Globe Asiatique is interested in placing ads in the program.

Korina Sanchez will be back on TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. While politicians cannot return to government service within a period of one year, ABS-CBN bosses are reinstating Korina because the constitution allows the return of the wives of defeated candidates after a brief period of… embarrassment.
———————————–
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
- Sam Levenson

Survey Says
Aling trio ang gusto mong mapanood sa TV Patrol?
- Karen Davila, Julius Babao, Ted Failon 27.84%
- Noli De Castro, Ted Failon, Korina Sanchez 16.04%
- Who cares?! 56.12%

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