EXCLUSIVE! Noynoy Interviews Kris

10 08 2010

Ang Pangulo at si Kris Aquino:
The unpublished, unedited, and uncomfortable tell-all interview*

President Aquino (NOY): I must admit. Medyo kinakabahan pa ‘ko. First time kong gagawin ito at ikaw pa ang una kong interviewee. Bahala na.
Kris Aquino (KRIS): Ano ka ba Noy! ‘Di ba nag-usap na tayo? Nabrief ka na rin ni Boy at ni Tita Maria Montelibano, right? Even ian, the headwriter has talked to you. Kaloka ka huh! Meron ka namang set of questions ‘di ba? Go!

NOY: Wait, para saan nga ba ‘to?
KRIS: Hay naku! You’re so kulit! ‘Di ba I explained na nga kagabi? Last Sunday kasi, lumabas sa TV ang nanay ng future-ex husband ko; ‘yong bayaw mong babaero! The public sympathizes with him na raw according to my sources. I need your help. Kailangang bumalik sa ‘kin ang simpatya ng publiko.
NOY: Eh bakit ako? Bakit ‘di si Boy na lang?
KRIS: ‘Di pwede. Kakatapos lang ng interview niya sa akin sa SNN at The Buzz. Redundant na. Magsasawa ang tao.
NOY: So dapat talaga ako?!?
KRIS: Dapat lang ‘no! Remember, I donated 15 million pesos to your campaign!
NOY: Tsk… tsk… tsk. Sige na nga pero sa isang kondisyon!
KRIS: What?
NOY: Can we also talk about issues? I mean, mga usaping panlipunan o pulitika, para naman ‘di ako magmukhang showbiz lang.
KRIS: Deal! Start na tayo, bilis at naghihintay na sa akin si Bambi Fuentes. Boy, Ian ready na ba ang camera? Take na tayo! Game!

Tape rolling! 3… 2… 1 and … !

NOY: Mga kaibigan, ikinalulugod ko pong ipakilala sa inyo ang aking pinakabatang kapatid, Kris Aquino-Yap.
KRIS: Cut!!! Noyyyyy, ano ba? What do you mean, ipakilala??? Hello?!? I’m more famous than you ‘noh? And what’s with the Yap thing? Eeeew! Drop the Yap okay? His mom hates me na nga ‘di ba? Take 2 tayo, Boy. Gosh!
NOY: Okay! Okay! Sorry.

Take 2! Tape rolling! 3… 2… 1 and … !

NOY: Mga kababayan, nahaharap tayo sa isang sangandaan. Sa isang banda ay ang baluktot na daan. Sa kabilang banda ay ang tuwid na daan. Matagal pong naligaw…
KRIS: Cut!!! Noyyyyyy!? Tapos na ang SONA my goodness! Trabaho na tayo okay? Enough of slogans and catchphrases!
NOY: Sorry, sorry. Kinakabahan lang talaga ako. Pangako… perfect ko na ‘to!

Take 3! Tape rolling! 3… 2… 1 and … !

NOY: Mga kababayan, iisa lang ang aking bise-presidente! Si Mar Roxas ang aking bise-presidente!
KRIS: My god! Noy! The campaign is over! Accept the fact that Mar lost the polls, hello!
NOY: Sorry ulit.

Take 4! Tape rolling! 3… 2… 1 and … !

NOY: Puwedeng mag-yosi muna?
KRIS: Hell, no! Mali-late na ko! Tapusin na natin ‘to puwede ba?!
NOY: Sige na nga! Game.

Take 5! Tape rolling! 3… 2… 1 and … !

NOY: Mga kababayan, narito na po si Kris Aquino! Kris, paaaaaaasok!
KRIS: Cut!!! Noy naman! Sa ABS ‘to eere! Linya ‘yan ng newscaster sa kabila! Ano ka ba!?
NOY: Ay oo nga pala! Pasensya! Pasensya!

Take 6! Tape rolling! 3… 2… 1 and … !

NOY: Mga kaibigan, ang aking pinakabatang kapatid, si Kris Aquino.
KRIS: Hi Noy! Sorry, how do I address you nga pala? Bro? Mr. President? Kuya? Baka kasi sabihin nila rude ako if I just call you Noy.
NOY: No! Okay lang. Puwede na ‘yon.
KRIS: You look great by the way. Liz Uy, if you’re watching, you’re doing a great job on my brother. Thank you so much! Hello sa lahat ng Kapamilyang nanonood lalung-lalo na sa mga TFC subscribers.


NOY: Kris, hindi na ‘ko magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Noong Sunday, nagsalita ang ina ni James Yap sa kabilang himpilan.
KRIS: Really?!? Gosh. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko napanood. In fact, kung ‘di mo sinabi Noy, hindi ko malalaman! Besides, she’s not the type of person na magsasalita sa TV. I swear, napakabait at napakatahimik pong tao ng mommy ni James. That’s so sad.

NOY: Isa-isahin natin ang kanyang mga sinabi. Hindi raw talaga siya boto sa ‘yo para kay James.
KRIS: Noy, kilala mo ako. Pinalaki tayo ng ating mga magulang na may respeto sa nakakatanda sa atin. Pero kung masasakit na salita na ang ibinabato nila, siguro naman, may karapatan tayong umilag. Kung nanonood po kayo ngayon Mrs. Annie Yap: Maayos ko kayong hinarap nang bumisita ako sa Escalante City. I’m not used to spending the night in a remote village lalo na sa isang lugar na yari sa pawid at kawayan ang mga bahay. Pero tiniis ko po ‘yon dahil mahal ko ang anak n’yo. Now, kung sasabihin n’yo po na ayaw n’yo pala sa akin… magiging prangka na po ako. How sure are you na gusto ko kayo? I’m sorry Noy pero nagpapakatotoo lang ako.

NOY: Can I say something? Pasensya na po kayo Mrs. Yap. Medyo masama lang po ang…
KRIS: No! ‘Wag mo ‘kong pangunahan Noy! Magso-sorry ako kung kailangan. Next question please!

NOY: May anak na raw si James nang magpakasal kayo…
KRIS: Meron din ako! Mas malaki pa!
NOY: Oo nga noh?!? ‘Di ko naisip ‘yon ah!
KRIS: Heller! Araw-araw kayong naglalaro ng PSP, nalimutan mo na agad si Josh! Grabehhh!

NOY: Mahal mo pa ba si James?
KRIS: Mahal mo pa ba si Korina?

NOY: Sus, bakit naman ako nadamay?
KRIS: Kainis kasi ang question mo eh. I hate him! I super hate him! As in! Promise!


NOY: Moving on… sabi sa diyaryo, kayo na raw ni Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay, ‘yong partner ko sa target shooting sa Antipolo tuwing weekend. Totoo ba?
KRIS: Careful Noy. Baka magalit na naman sa ‘kin sina Mar at Korina. Alam mo namang mainit sa ‘kin ang mga friends mo sa Liberal ‘di ba? Baka isipin na naman nilang Noy-Bi ang ibinoto ko. Gosh! They’re so right! Ooops, me and my big mouth. Boy, alisin na lang sa editing ‘yong sinabi ko, okay?

NOY: So ano nga? Kayo na ba ni Junjun?
KRIS: Grabeh ka naman Noy. Mag-fi-first death anniversary pa lang on August 11 ang wife niya ‘noh? Ayokong magsalita. It’s inappropriate. Close lang kami talaga. He’s really nice to me. It’s really not the right time to speak about any romance. I admit though na malapit kami ngayon sa isa’t isa at nasa kanya ang qualities na hinahanap ko sa isang guy. Mabait, caring, thoughtful, intellectual. Pero sabi ko nga Noy, it’s inappropriate to talk about us. Pero ‘yon nga, Junjun is an ideal man. Kung makikipag-date ulit ako sa isang lalaki, siya ‘yong unang-una kong idi-date. Ewan ko lang kung pareho kami ng taste sa food pero I heard he likes paella. And I do know how to cook great paella. But then again, it’s improper to talk about dates lalo pa’t magbababang-luksa pa lang sila. Ikaw Noy, okay lang ba sa ‘yo kung lumabas kami ni Junjun? Single naman siya ‘di ba? Basta, I promise to talk about him sa appropriate time. ‘Wag ngayon. Ayaw ko munang magsalita ng kahit ano. And I mean nothing! Sorry talaga. Wala akong sasabihin! Sanga pala, Cancer siya, Aquarian ako. Compatible kaya kami?


NOY: Ano naman ‘tong nabalitaan kong pati ang kaibigan kong si Chiz Escudero eh nali-link sa ‘yo?
KRIS: Aha-ha-ha! Gosh, that’s funny. He’s married okay? Never akong pumatol sa lalaking may sabit!

NOY: Ehem… Philip Salvador.
KRIS: I mean, sa may sabit na senador! Aha-ha-ha! By the way, hello Senator Loren!


NOY: Maiba ako. Marami kasi ang nakakapansin – parang hindi mo raw type si Shalani para sa akin?
KRIS: What?! That’s unfair. That’s preposterous. That’s ridiculous. That’s baseless! We’re friends. Wait… what’s the name of that girl again?

NOY: Shalani.
KRIS: Oh, Shahani.
NOY: No! Shalani.
KRIS: Ahh, Salami.
NOY: Nang-iinsulto ka?!?
KRIS: Namumuwersa ka?!? Eh hindi ko talaga siya like eh! Anong magagawa ko? Next question!

NOY: Seryosong usapan. Ano ang naramdaman mo nang hindi maging Senate President si Kiko Pangilinan?
KRIS: Ikaw, anong naramdaman mo?
NOY: Huh?
KRIS: Aha-ha-ha! You huh! Maangmaangan school of acting ka Noy! ‘Di mo naman keri! ‘Di ba nga you sought my help pa to campaign for him? O, ‘wag kang tatanggi!
NOY: Kris naman…
KRIS: Mga kababayan, pasensya na po. Hindi good liar ‘tong presidente n’yo. Aha-ha-ha!
NOY: Pinapahiya mo ko…
KRIS: No! I’m just being honest. Kiko was your choice for the Senate presidency! Even Shawie asked me kung pwede ko raw tawagan sina Bong, Jinggoy at Tito Sen to vote for him. Unfortunately, nag-leak sa media. Hay naku Noy, ‘wag ka nang mag-deny! Aha-ha-ha!

NOY: Change topic na nga! What do you think of my Communications Group?
KRIS: I’m not really familiar with them Noy. Sorry. Ang kilala ko lang sina Manolo Quezon at Ricky Carandang kasi nakikita ko sila sa studio ng ANC. But that was before! Ngayon, ang madalas ko nang makita sa ANC… ‘yong Edwin Lacierda! Semi-regular ba siya? Aha-ha-ha!

NOY: The Marcoses are back in Congress. Bongbong is in the Senate; Mrs. Marcos is in the Lower House. Anong masasabi mo?
KRIS: You know what Noy? Ayoko nang magsalita about them out of respect na rin sa mga taong naghalal sa kanila. Let history be the judge. Naniniwala naman ako sa karma eh. Look at one of her daughters. I won’t name names pero kapag nagsasalita siya, hindi bumubuka ang kanyang bibig. If that’s not karma, I don’t know what it is. Hindi ko siya kinaya Noy! Ang weird!!!


KRIS: Wait, before I forget. I saw your photo nga pala with your first monthly paycheck. It’s splashed all over the Internet. Gosh, what were you thinking?
NOY: Bakit? Anong masama do’n? ‘Di naman pagyayabang ‘yong ginawa ko ah.
KRIS: Hello?!!! Noy naman! Why flaunt a mere 63 thousand-peso salary!?? Nakakahiya! That amount is so unCojuangco! Basta! ‘Wag mo nang uulitin!

NOY: By the way, did you read the exclusive interview of The Professional Kegler with former President Arroyo?
KRIS: Noy… Heckler not Kegler! Hindi naman siya bowler noh! Blogger siya! Anyway no, why?
NOY: There’s a Rapid Round of questions sa interview. Ako rin, merong Rapid Round for you. I’d mention names of political and entertainment figures, give me a movie title to describe them.
KRIS: Aha-ha-ha! Bahala ka Noy huh! Go ako d’yan pero walang sisihan kung may masaktan. Basta ako, magiging honest lang. Go!

NOY: Let’s start with Vice President Jojo Binay…
KRIS: Hmm, “The Dark Knight.” I love you Tito Jojo!

NOY: Former First Ladies Ming Ramos, Imelda Marcos, and Loi Estrada…
KRIS: “The Good, the Bad, and the…” I’m so bad Noy! Nagmake-peace na nga tayo sa family nila ‘di ba? Pass na lang!

NOY: Sen. Manny Villar…
KRIS: “Kung Mangarap Ka’t Magising.” Hello Nanay Curing!

NOY: Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile…
KRIS: Jurassic Park. Aha-ha-ha!

NOY: Sen. Bong Revilla…
KRIS: Ayoko! Baka magalit si Lani.
NOY: KoRni naman nito. Ano nga?
KRIS: For Bong? Hmm… SE7EN.
NOY: At sino namang nagsabi sa ‘yo?
KRIS: Noy!!!! You’re so green! SE7EN, kasi taga-kabila siya ‘noh! Gosh! Ang dirty talaga ng mind mo!

NOY:Former PAGASA chief Prisco Nilo…
KRIS: Hay naku Noy! Alam mo, madaming nagalit sa ‘yo for sacking him. You and your advisers talaga! Pati PAGASA, pinupulitika n’yo!
NOY: Bawiin mo ‘yan!
KRIS: Noooo! True naman ‘di ba? ‘Yong maliliit lang ang kaya n’yong sibakin nang biglaan sa puwesto! Basta! Wala akong title for Mr. Prisco Nilo pero may title ako para sa ‘yo at sa mga advisers mo na nagsabing ifire mo siya!
NOY: Ano ‘yon?
KRIS: “The Ant Bully!” At ‘di ko babawiin ‘yan!

NOY: Okay, next! Puregold owner Lucio Co…
KRIS: Noooooo! Endorser si Boy ng Puregold, Noy! Ayokong mag-comment.
NOY: C’mon. Alam mo naman ang isyu kay Mr. Lucio Co ‘di ba?
KRIS: Sige na nga! Pero Boy, walang personalan huh. Based lang ito sa mga naglalabasang reports since the time of former President Erap. Para kay Mr. Lucio Co? Hmm, “Big Fish.” Shockkks! Did I really say that? I just said “Big Fish” okay? I didn’t say na smuggler siya! Malinaw ‘yon huh. Wala akong sinabi about smuggling. Promise!

NOY: Vicki Belo…
KRIS: Hay naku! You’re putting me on the spot Noy! Endorser ako ng Belo Medical Clinic ‘noh!
NOY: Akala ko ba honest ka?
KRIS: Sige na nga. Pero Vicki, if you’re watching, nothing personal okay? Game lang ‘to. The movie to describe her???? Hmmm, “Face/Off.” I love you Vicki!

NOY: Finally, movie titles to describe Chiz Escudero and Junjun Binay…
KRIS: Seriously?
NOY: Yeah! Seriously!
KRIS: Honestly?
NOY: Of course!
KRIS: Katulad ng nasabi ko, I may not be perfect but I’m not a liar. So para kina Chiz and Junjun… physically? “The Hottie and the Nottie.” Gosh! I’m so mean. Pero promise, si Junjun ang pinaka-close sa akin ngayon! True ‘yan!
NOY: Salamat Kris.

KRIS: Wait!!! Bago matapos ang interview na ito Noy, gusto lang kitang tanungin. Tutal, past is past na naman ‘di ba? For a while kasi, nagkasama kami ni Korina sa isang morning show. Gusto ko lang malaman, what went wrong with your relationship? Sino ang nakipag-break?
NOY: Seriously?
KRIS: Yeah, seriously.
NOY: Honestly?
KRIS: Of course!
NOY: Well, ‘yan ang dapat nilang abangan sa susunod kong tell-all interview!
KRIS: You’re so madaya! Kainish! Nambitin pa! Is Korina a good kisser? Did she use her tongue? Gosh, I’ll wait for that interview!

NOY: Before we end this interview, what do you want to tell James in case he’s watching?
KRIS: I’m sure he’s not! Malamang nanonood na naman ‘yon ng Mr. Bean. Wala akong message! Besides, he won’t understand naman my Ateneo-accented English eh. It’ll just be a waste of my ptialina amylase!

NOY: Any final message?
KRIS: Noy, words won’t be enough to express my pride, gratitude, and happiness in having you as a brother. Sobrang proud kami nina Ate Ballsy, Ate Pinky at Ate Viel sa mga na-achieve mo… although ‘di pa masyadong marami. I’m sure, Mom and Dad are equally proud of their only son. Huwag mong bibiguin ang ating mga kababayan lalung-lalo na ang mga volunteers na sumuporta sa ‘yo. [By the way, wala ka bang maibibigay na puwesto kay Juana Change? Nagkabati na ba sila ni Attorney Lacierda?] Sana magtuluy-tuloy ang iyong magandang simula hanggang sa katapusan ng iyong termino. Magbabantay ako. Magmamasid kaming lahat. Huwag kang mag-alala. Sa 2016, kapag wala na akong problema sa personal kong buhay, baka ako na ang magpatuloy sa iyong nasimulan para sa ating bayan… ‘yon ay kung makukumbinsi ko si Chiz na kunin akong runningmate. Chizzy-Krissy, cute naman ‘di ba? Aminin mo! Catchy ‘yon!

NOY: Maraming salamat din Kris. Despite your idiosyncrasies, mahal ka pa rin ng buong pamilya. At bilang kapatid mo, wala akong masabi. Wala akong maidagdag. Wala akong choice! Maraming salamat sa iyong oras and…
KRIS: Wait! After a 45-day hiatus, my Twitter account is alive again! O, ‘wag nang tumaas ang kilay! I know, nag-promise akong ‘di na magtu-Twitter. Pero ‘di ko kaya eh! So follow me on Twitter, @iamkrisaquino! Now na! Thank you Noy!

NOY: Aren’t you gonna plug “The Price Is Right?”
KRIS: No, na! Thanks. ‘Di ako masyadong proud sa programa eh! Bye!

END OF INTERVIEW.
*Exclusive to The Professional Heckler

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186 responses

10 08 2010
benj

ZOMG! FERST!

10 08 2010
theonoski

very funny!
at halata ngang hindi masaya/proud si kris sa pwnw.

10 08 2010
jde0218

ang masasabi ko lang si Krissy walang isang salita lol….

11 08 2010
Belisema

Si Kris ay parang vaklang katulad ko…mak*ti :D malandi :D harot :D at ndi kuntento sa isang lalake :D kya nga di ako favor sa gay marriage kc wla nman faithful vakla… hahanap pa rin ng ibang n*ta yan!!!

Cguro si Kris ay vakla sa kanyang unang buhay!!!

12 08 2011
Anonymous

haha sobrang tama… nakakarindi na ang boses nya.. she’s everywhere…

11 08 2010
etchosera

hay naku ‘Teh, obvious naman, di ba? Di pwede kay Tetay ang isang salita lang….. super daldakina ang lola nyo!

10 08 2010
onyx

(to the tune of Kris speak…)
Gosh naman PH! You’re so galing talaga. I swear I was laughing my buns off. Hahaha!!!

10 08 2010
anonabeh

nyahaha! incorrigible… si mr. heckler !!

10 08 2010
exboywonder

wowowee

10 08 2010
Worried Pinoy

Haba ng interview Prof! hehe..

11 08 2010
Liezel

yup
i agree sobrang haba

parang wala namang point………..

11 08 2010
etchosera

Juicemio!

ampalaya ka ‘Teh……. as in bitter ocampo?

11 08 2010
phreddox

thumbs up for you etchosera lol

12 08 2010
lorraine

which is exactly the point!!

10 08 2010
hikatalomato

kris aquino sucks! (literally) hik

10 08 2010
eddibumangon

i couldn’t agree more…especially on the literal part. :-)

11 08 2010
phreddox

may sex scandal ba? lol

10 08 2010
toni

VERY nicely done

10 08 2010
DEL

Sa ANC ba to, o sa ABS CBN, hahaha. Ibang klase ka talaga PH, ang galing mo

10 08 2010
echosera ako!

pinatawa mo ko ng bonggang bongga

10 08 2010
cash ortega

love it! hehe

10 08 2010
kaye

ok, I can actually imagine Kris saying these. haha!

is this another product of a writer’s block or of a highly fertile imagination? :-D

well done, PH!

12 08 2010
Anonymous

yes! halatang hindi totoo!!

16 08 2010
kaye

ahmmm… my statement was obviously misconstrued.

Patawad, PH. mukang bago siya dito. hehehe. you remember where the reference to writer’s block came from, don’t you?

10 08 2010
stalker

nyahahaha mr. kegler ester heckler!!! another masterpiece!

10 08 2010
rian

kaloka!! nyahahahaha!

10 08 2010
wilyam

yoko ng magcomment. kakasawa ng magsabi ng magaling. replay na lang kung susulat ko pa yun dito.

tsaka nasayang na naman ang oras ko sa kababasa ng blog mo. kabweset. ayan, tumatawa na naman akong mag-isa.

tsaka ayokong sabihing tigahanga mo ako. redundant na yun.

sulat ka ng lang sulat at tatawa ng lang ako ng tatawa mag-isa.

dalawon mo ko sa mental ha?

10 08 2010
Joey in Dubai

Wow, ang haba ng interview….talagang very Krissy and Noyyie. Galeng mo na naman, Kegler—I mean, Heckler hehehe.

BTW, mention ka ng newest favorite columnist kong si JOjo Robles sa kanyang column today sa Manila Standard, http://www.manilastandardtoday.com/insideOpinion.htm?f=2010/august/10/jojorobles.isx&d=2010/august/10

Bow na bow ako.

10 08 2010
professionalheckler

thanks for informing me JOEY! :-)

10 08 2010
etchosera

Tetay na tetay ang arrive!

Ahah ahah ahah!

10 08 2010
shaoie

funnnnnyyy……… reading the interview in krissy tune :):)

10 08 2010
gudelia

win na win!

10 08 2010
sneaky

funny read! galing!

10 08 2010
Tweets that mention EXCLUSIVE! Noynoy Interviews Kris « The Professional Heckler -- Topsy.com

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Alma , Nonny Carlos. Nonny Carlos said: http://bit.ly/9V1TOq PNoy Interviews Kris A. Entertaining .. [...]

10 08 2010
maxlip

PH ha, you are sooo naughty…

10 08 2010
cecille

laughtrip post na naman PH!

10 08 2010
dipaladlad

:-)

10 08 2010
amateur heckler

this is great prof. i can hear kris’ voice while reading this.

10 08 2010
Menard

professional kegler :)
hehe pero OK kinorek sya ni Kris, kilala ka ni Kris, kase sikat kaw Mr. PH :)

abt, ptialina amylase… napa-google ako kung ano yun, hehe kwela! at least me natutuhan akong bago today.

10 08 2010
lee

Dapat sana meron leak yung video…hehehe

10 08 2010
dan

prof. heck in your own profound analysis, on the premise of her scandalous and conspicuously-laden way of living, do you think kris has Adult ADD?

just asking…

11 08 2010
hikatalomato

lahat naman silang magkakapatid na babae merong add, pero si kris lang ang pinaka malala. notice pinky during tv interviews? the batting eyelashes and constant touching of her hair? nakakapangilabot tinggnan. buti sana kung sariwa pa siya. kaso bilasang gurami na siya. hik

16 02 2013
cha

inggit ka lang, u can’t do the same haha

10 08 2010
lebronjames

another great post. next time si erap naman nyahaha…

10 08 2010
dede

“NOY: Shalani.
KRIS: Oh, Shahani.
NOY: No! Shalani.
KRIS: Ahh, Salami.
NOY: Nang-iinsulto ka?!?
KRIS: Namumuwersa ka?!? Eh hindi ko talaga siya like eh! Anong magagawa mo? Next question!”

winner hahahaha!

20 01 2012
arman

is this realy a true interview? or bloggers imagination. first time ko po…..

10 08 2010
Eagle_Eye

Wow finally may Face Book icon na ang ang fave blogger ko…..

As always, atta nice heckling PH… keep it coming….

… sa tinatamaan, ang umaray panget :P

10 08 2010
marlo

Ang husay! HAHAHA!

10 08 2010
gillboard

hahaha. loved this post more than pgma’s interview. more!!!

10 08 2010
DEL

Binabasa ka na rin ni Jojo robles, hahaha. Astig!

10 08 2010
professionalheckler

matagal na yun. isa siya sa unang nag-reprint ng blog posts ko way back in 2003.

10 08 2010
JR Lopez Gonzales

WHoa, ang haba ng entry ngayon ah! And.. Ofcourse… As usual…. Si Kris na naman! Hahahaha! :-)

10 08 2010
lee

da best

10 08 2010
timpaul

Hmmm! Di kaya may ibang connotation kegler at ito ay related sa maneuver? Prof ha!

10 08 2010
mae23md

Brilliant!
kaya dapat di mawala si kris sa scene kasi maganda syang subject, very colorful, kaya love mo rin sya, right Mr. Heckler?

10 08 2010
joyraguine

kaloka!! hahahahaa!!!

10 08 2010
Tessa

This is one of the funniest entries I’ve ever read! Great work!

10 08 2010
sino nanay mo

ang galing galing! dapat kasama to sa libro mo. very believable na sila talaga ang nagsasalita, fantastic ka talaga sobra.

10 08 2010
mommy

very funny PH!….should we presume mr lucio co will be safe in the aquino administration since kuya boy is an endorser….pero wait…wasn’t it kuya boy who initially was campaigning for villar had to switch side when noy declared his candidacy?

Wonder what PNOY plays in his Playstation…

11 08 2010
ovalboy

He is also the endorser of RA Gapuz review center… di ba na-involve ito sa leakage ng nursing board exam?
I wonder where his values are coming from??? Sa Samar? Sa school? o sa Showbiz?

11 08 2010
etchosera

his joystick!

Ahah ahah ahah!

10 08 2010
cesdelacruz

Ang galing mo talaga PH! Panalo ^___^ Patok na naman to sa office :D

10 08 2010
promdi

all the takes are super-hilarious, crazy to the max! walang itulak-kabigin sa pagka-LOL of each of them. in fairness, minus the laugh, between the lines, all the eksenas have the semblance of totoong buhay… aha-ha-ha! haay, buhay-pNoy , a never-ending buhay-kris!

10 08 2010
Jerome L.

hahaha… panalo!

10 08 2010
bella

yey pde nang i-share sa fb. thanks :)

10 08 2010
flory

wow!!!! its really amazing,,i can`t control my self to laugh ha-ha-ha,,see???im still laughtyng,,tnx kris ur super good luck and more joks to come,,

10 08 2010
Andy

HAYLAVET! haha!

11 08 2010
j.francisco

ang husay!

11 08 2010
miketest

I said it before and I’ll say it again,” the woman (kris) is self destructing..

11 08 2010
Sean

hahaha… share share share…
a movie title to describe Vice President Jojo Binay…
KRIS: Hmm, “The Dark Knight.” I love you Tito Jojo!

11 08 2010
senior60

ang sipag mo mister heckler…

with your permissions wilyam and promdi,
ride na lang ako sa mga sinabi ninyo, ty….

and may i add na rin, i second the statement
mo mister heckler na “the ant bully” si noynoy…

11 08 2010
wilyam

hindi naman ant bully senior. nagkataon lang PAGASA unang nasampulan.

by the way, TPH, totoo bang ang Mister ni Boy Abunda ay isa ng director sa isang government institution? Oh no pag totoo. Pwede bang bawiin ang boto ko….

11 08 2010
annery10

hahaha, panalo!!!nice one heckler!!!

11 08 2010
jaypee

KRIS: Wait!!! Bago matapos ang interview na ito Noy, gusto lang kitang tanungin. Tutal, past is past na naman ‘di ba? For a while kasi, nagkasama kami ni Korina sa isang morning show. Gusto ko lang malaman, what went wrong with your relationship? Sino ang nakipag-break?
NOY: Seriously?
KRIS: Yeah, seriously.
NOY: Honestly?
KRIS: Of course!
NOY: Well, ‘yan ang dapat nilang abangan sa susunod kong tell-all interview!
KRIS: You’re so madaya! Kainish! Nambitin pa! Is Korina a good kisser? Did she use her tongue? Gosh, I’ll wait for that interview

i will really wait for the next interview:)

11 08 2010
mel

ohmygee, i think this is the sooper best so far! i am sooo sharing this to all my facebook friends. thanks, PH! Aha-ha-ha!

11 08 2010
11 08 2010
11 08 2010
Top Posts — WordPress.com

[...] EXCLUSIVE! Noynoy Interviews Kris Ang Pangulo at si Kris Aquino: The unpublished, unedited, and uncomfortable tell-all interview* [...]

11 08 2010
cossack

napa LOL ako dun sa jurassic park, naalala ko nanaman yung tungkol sa fossil find niyahahaha… tsaka yung mr. bean ni james yap- in fairness kahit super walang kakwenta kwenta at paulit ulit yung show na yun nakakatawa pa din sa sobrang kababawan.

11 08 2010
yas

Sobrang nakakatawa! Hindi ko alam kung paano mo mahihigitan itong entry na to…pero sigurado ako magagawa mo yun! PANALO!

11 08 2010
adelaydee

You never fail to make my, otherwise crappy day.

I can soooo hear Kris talking while reading this. Parang may sapi ka ata ni Kris while writing!

Keep it up. Love it!

Pa-share po on FB ah :)

11 08 2010
♦ mills ♦

hahahah! interview ba ito ni noy…o ni kris?!

another FTW na interview! keep ‘em coming! :D

11 08 2010
wilyam

sana lang wag mablanko utak mo ha.

mababawasan ang populasyon ng tumatawang mag-isa.

tamang-tama siguro ang kantang

ng isilang ka sa mundong ito,
laking tuwa ng magulang mo

naks, pwede na siguro kitang tawaging kabayan kahit transplant lang ako sa lemery.

11 08 2010
SUSUNOD

Great and indeed Job well done. Bigyan ka pa nawa ng Panginoon ng kalusugan at maayos na pamumuhay..

11 08 2010
Ivy

Favorite ko ang JPE described as Jurassic Park! And Ant Bully FTW!

You have this heckling down to a science! :)

11 08 2010
fatboyrunning

i am a silent fan but now, i cannot hold myself anymore: this one made my day!

keep on heckling, ph!

11 08 2010
professionalheckler

keep running! :-)

11 08 2010
ovalboy

I think it’s not just Nilo who should be sacked. Macra Cruz of MWSS should also be removed. As early as December of 2009, nag-press release na si Macra na magkaka-krisis sa tubig sa Angat Dam, a few months after Ondoy. Ha!
Are these two part of a PR campaign to benefit a certain project worth billions???

11 08 2010
ed

sobra! over na na-aliw ako mr. heckler, parang si kristeta ang nagsasalita eh!
meron pa ba? hahahaha!

11 08 2010
ed

sobra! over nakaka-aliw mr hekcler, parang si kristeta at si noy talaga ang nagsasalita. meron pa ba? hahahaha!

11 08 2010
Ling

Share agad sa FB! This is one of your funniest post! I hope you drop by Cebu!

11 08 2010
professionalheckler

soon!

11 08 2010
anna

Thank you Mr.PH. Another great post. :)

11 08 2010
DJ

i only got to read this entry and you got me! haha! i subscribed po to your blog mr. PH.. :)

ang funny nito! i can almost hear kris talking and laughing (which by the way irritates me. hehe)! wagi! :)

11 08 2010
dindin

loi, adik ka ba? anong tinitira mo?
.
.
.
.
.
.
penge… :)

11 08 2010
Z. D. H.

Hi Professional Heckler. I must say that your blog is one of my “guilty pleasures.”

The President has said a lot about his “No Wangwang” policy. How about following simple road rules like “No Parking” signs?

I am a resident of One Roxas Triangle — the condominium building right behind the Mandarin Hotel. Early this year, right after the Mayen Austria incident in Valle Verde, Kris Aquino and her husband sold their Valle Verde home and moved into the building. This is actually the 2nd time Ms. Aquino became a resident of the building — the first time was a few years ago right after the Joey Marquez “testicle clutching” and “bed burning” incident when she moved out of then Mayor Marquez’s penthouse unit at the Essensa.

For a couple of years, we had to endure noisy showbiz types (like John Lapus) and bodyguards loitering in the lobby of the building (hey, we’re used to bodyguards — prominent businessmen like Henry Sy and daughter Tessie Coson, various Ambassadors and diplomatic corps members, and some politicians live in the building — but our bodyguards are well trained and never loiter in public places). We also had to endure her son who would constantly bug residents in the pool area (I know he’s a child with special needs — I have a cousin who has one; but come on, with the hefty Association Dues we have to pay, we should at least be allowed to lounge around the pool area and sip our Riesling in peace). We were relieved when Ambassador Yuchengco purchased the unit Ms. Aquino was renting and she had to move to Times Street.

Imagine our horror when last February, Ms. Aquino moved back into the building. It was in the middle of the Presidential Campaign. Many Filipino residents in the building were sympathetic to her brother so we let her be. Besides, we thought that she would behave as she had “settled down” and had another son. But there followed little incidents. There was this incident when she glared at a long-time resident who was a friend of the Villars just because the resident and her bodyguard were wearing orange and her vehicle had Villar stickers. Then, we noticed that Ms. Aquino would have her vehicles parked on the street right outside the gate of the condominium building. The street (Cruzada Street) is a narrow street at the back of the Metrobank Center and the DBP Building. It is the street were residents of our building use to enter and exit the builiding. The street, because it is narrow, is an absolutely “No Parking” street. There are, in fact, signs prominently displayed along the street which announce “No Parking, Vehicles will be Towed”. Ever since she started parking her vehicles there — a Toyota Sequoia, a minibus, and a back-up vehicle, traffic has never been the same. And probably because of her alleged special friendship with our City Mayor, it is safe to assume that none of her vehicles will ever be towed.

The last straw, for me, was last Sunday. I was coming home from Sunday mass around lunchtime and I was bringing home some paella and cochinillo as I had guests coming for lunch. Imagine my surprise when hordes of vehicles were parked on a “No Parking” street. The traffic was horrendous. When I got to the driveway of the building, imagine my surprise when I saw a phalanx of bodyguard types loitering along the driveway and the lobby. It was then I learned that the President was visiting his sister and that the Presidential Security Group’s vehicles were parked outside — yes on the street which is a “No Parking” street! I was really upset!

No wangwang? Yes! But, for goodness sakes, the President should also follow a simple “No Parking” sign.

And please, I hope the President can just invite his sister to Sunday lunch at either “Bahay Pangarap” or at Times Street. Leave our Sunday lunch in peace!

11 08 2010
professionalheckler

your piece deserves a space in the PDI. why not send it to the editor. :-) thanks for reading and here’s hoping na your next sunday will be more peaceful.

11 08 2010
etchosera

nicely put PH. I couldn’t agree more.

11 08 2010
mommy

just like the helicopter days in ateneo

11 08 2010
eddibumangon

I beg to dis-agree Mr. PH. The PDI is another mouthpiece of Pnoy and I doubt if they will grant this letter space there. But hurray to you. Hanep talaga ang reach ng mga fans mo, di lang tulad naming masa, pati pala taga “One Roxas Triangle”, di ba ultra rich ang mga taga dyan?

11 08 2010
professionalheckler

hahahahahah

11 08 2010
maxlip

sikat na sikat ka na talaga PH, from all walks of life na yata ang readers mo.
More power!

12 08 2010
esa

Mr. PH, maybe you can help out Z.D.H. find an appropriate space/place for comments made above, solo space, that is. At any rate, the siblings’ esp. P-Noy’s attention must be called to this. Talking of “walking the talk”, Kris should set an example.

13 08 2010
timpaul

I disagree. You have more readers than PDI.

11 08 2010
promdi

OMG! tsk! tsk! tsk! Amen, i say to you! Peace be with U, ZDH. your feedback is the first “no laughing matter” we’ve got on TPH. Wonder lang: Why on earth did Pnoy
have to do such “a private peep” with dear fav sis on that “fateful” rather unlucky noontime (for ZDH)? That could have been okay had he travel sans the frills and ruffles of a VIP like him. Type nya magpaka-citizen of this country? e di pangatawanan nya? Sana nag-isa na lang sya without fanfare, huh? Hay naku, we’re seeing the rub of going for Pnoy last May 10; did’nt you guys realize that you’re getting Kris altogether into Malacanang, et al?

11 08 2010
DEL

Let us spread this in FB, hahaha.

12 08 2010
esa

Agree, please proceed. Maybe also post it in the discussion board of Kris’ facebook account ? Let’s see what the admin of her page will do….delete it?

11 08 2010
Lynda Jumilla

interesting, this piece.

and as usual, two thumbs up heckler!

12 08 2010
Sayswho

daming satsat… gusto lang magyabang.

12 08 2010
Sayswho

that comment is for Z. D.H.

12 08 2010
religiousboy

Napansin mo din? Huh? I’m no fan of Kris myself, pero this narration deserves some “dissecting” para di naman lahat ng makakabasa nito ay matatawag na naive if not plain gullible. I know I would have NO SUPPORTERS here for writing this (not even sure if this gets posted) pero sorry na lang, have to say this:

1. Taga One Roxas Triangle daw siya. Fine. But many residents there, I know, hardly admit nor wish to identify living in this uppity condo for obvious reasons.
2. Tinira agad si Kris, over that Mayen issue at pati testicles clutching, bed burning, etc. Hmmmm, for a sosyalera, in na in sa mga showbiz scandals.
3. She’s enduring daw mga noisy showbiz people, like John Lapus (o, may contempt naman ngayon), ……but the bodyguards of Henry Sy, Tessie Coson etal, like hers, (take note), ay mga disciplined, (Aba, binulgar pa na dun din nakatira ang mga Sys at Yuchengcos. What what she thinking?) at yung mga kay Kris ay hindi.
4. Knows daw niya that Josh has special needs (in-emphazise pa, parang may gustong palabasin) tho she understands naman daw kasi she has a cousin who has one (syempre di sikat kaya wag ng i-mention)) but that she should be left in peace while she sips her Riesling by the pool (aba, nuknukan ng kayabangan. White wine lang pinagmalaki pa) what with the hefty association dues she’s charged (kailangan pa bang sabihin yan?)
5. Pero, ZDH, or what ever your true initials are : looks like for a sosyalera like you have no driver nor yayas that took you to the church and to help you with your paella and cochinillo (pigilan niyo ko!) to take these inside the building for your lunch with guests. Don’t tell me being a Sunday, pinag-day off mo ng sabay, e, may mga bisita ka kayang dadating noh?
6. I pass by Cabildo daily on my way to work, and I notice that even on peak/rush hours, traffic within and around this narrow street is very manageable, if not almost clear. And you were talking of a Sunday noon — when CBD’s a ghost town? Hmmm, except maybe when there are tiangges in the vicinity, or as you said, presidential cars all around, but I doubt if those really stretched all the way to DBP, na nasa Makati Ave cor. Buendia na po. Ang layo na nun!
6. But the biggest catch is this: you were surprised when hordes of Noynoy’s vehicles where parked in the “No Parking Area” — ah, so, THIS IS THE MEAT OF YOUR ARGUMENT. Ayun, ayun naman pala! What you really want to say is why can’t Noynoy follow the simple No-Parking signs, when he was so unrelenting about the wang-wang issue? Eto lang pala ang gusto mong punahin kay Noynoy, dinamay mo pa si Kris and her “peculiarities”, special son, past boyfriends, noisy showbiz connect, the alta-sosyedads, your Riesling wine, your paella and cochinillo, pati si Mayor Jun-Jun na nananahimik.

ZDH, or whatever your true initials are, sorry ha. You might be telling the truth, pero your narration to me reeks of malice, if not tawdriness. Go and attack Noynoy till your face turns blue as you wish (obvious naman na Noynoy-hater ka), this is a free country, but please skip the meanness and nonsense talk. If you got the sympathy of others here, sooooo sorry, a-a, nah me.

13 08 2010
eddibumangon

may masa, may ultra rich, and now comes the trying hard type. trying hard maging boy, at trying hard maging sosyal. :-)

14 08 2010
Anonymous

religiousboy,
I don’t think that D.Z.H. is nagpapasosyal. Maybe, it’s not just the street violations that she was pointing out. She was pointing out observations re Kris’ behavior…like if you are staying in a condo building, you shouldn’t behave like the common areas are your exclusive areas na ikaw lang ang may-ari…without thinking of other tenants/unit owners in the same condo bldg. About the Mayen, testicle-clutching, Joey Marquez thing, I think D.Z.H. was pointing out that the whole Philippines know of the unfortunate “private” incidents because Kris is a blah-blah girl. Like the way she blah-blah-blah upon her arrival from her recent 3-week vacation and tweeting-tweeting again after she promised to keep her mouth shut before she went on vacation. Basahin mo ang “interview” ni PH, inilabas lang naman ni PH ang ugali ni Kris…and D.Z.H., a reader of his blog posted a comment. This is a free country, let D.Z.H. be free.

14 08 2010
esa

religiousboy,
I don’t think that D.Z.H. is nagpapasosyal. Maybe, it’s not just the street violations that she was pointing out. She was pointing out observations re Kris’ behavior…like if you are staying in a condo building, you shouldn’t behave like the common areas are your exclusive areas na ikaw lang ang may-ari…without thinking of other tenants/unit owners in the same condo bldg. About the Mayen, testicle-clutching, Joey Marquez thing, I think D.Z.H. was pointing out that the whole Philippines know of the unfortunate “private” incidents because Kris is a blah-blah girl. Like the way she blah-blah-blah upon her arrival from her recent 3-week vacation and tweeting-tweeting again after she promised to keep her mouth shut before she went on vacation. Basahin mo ang “interview” ni PH, inilabas lang naman ni PH ang ugali ni Kris…and D.Z.H., a reader of his blog posted a comment. This is a free country, let D.Z.H. be free.

14 08 2010
eddibumangon

Z.D.H.

If it’s any consolation to you, Kris (or her driver) was caught and issued a ticket for illegal parking in Q.C. Now let’s see if Makati traffic enforcer will be shamed to follow suit.

14 08 2010
esa

Agree, mas mahigpit nga raw sa Makati e. Nariyan ang MAPSA na mas mahigpit pa raw sa MMDA traffic enforcers.

11 08 2010
What? No more ammo? « Oh, Noy!

[...] EXCLUSIVE! Noynoy Interviews Kris [...]

11 08 2010
Broking

Sobrang masaya ako! Buti naayos na fone ko at nabasa ko ang super lol na exclusive intenview. Imagine what I would have missed! Tawa ko di mapigilan kahit nagiisa ako! Thanks a lot PHeckler you always make my day. Come to think of it, you add numbers to my living days for making me laugh and laugh and laugh!!

11 08 2010
ranjit

PH dapat ikaw na lang ang si spokesperson ni Noy! ur so funny talga! ahahaha!!!! Between you and Edwin Lacierda, i’d choose you! LOL

11 08 2010
professionalheckler

kawawa si noynoy kapag andun ako. :-)

15 08 2010
Paul

Mas magkalevel si Noy at Lacierda. They deserve each other. Sa level of intelligence ni Ph, di sila magkaintentihan ni Noy

11 08 2010
karaangbugoy

Meron bang expression na “satirically accurate”?

11 08 2010
willa

I so love, love , love ur blogs. U r one amazing & witty fellow. More blogs please.

11 08 2010
A.D. Macaldo

LOL

Very funny! And its so true that Kris’ new noon time show is not exciting and worth watching!

PH, mabuhay ka!

11 08 2010
steph

idol talaga!!

12 08 2010
truefilipino

Not funny…

12 08 2010
tonito

Tamang tama…si Kris makati. Pagkanagkatuluyan magigiging First Lady ng Makati!

12 08 2010
etchosera

I so love the pun, tonto!

AYYYYYY!!! tonito pala! Sowi po!

12 08 2010
rzel_08

haha!!! Hilarious, witty! It’s the very first thing I read today! Hindi magaling− Napakagaling! =)

12 08 2010
marcela bato

congrats, TPH!!! galing galing mo!! para talagang live interview…kris na kris ang dating. kay ms. ZDH at sa ibang nakabasa ng comments nya….now you know that when kris says she will behave, it means the contrary. tama ka rin mr. promdi — nung ibinoto si PNoy ng mga Pilipino, kasama si kris sa ibinoto — di nyo ba alam na package deal yun???? i look forward to the time that the words of the first family will match their actions. they should be reminded that they are being watched not only by theFilipinos, but by the whole world!! magpaka disente naman tayo….

12 08 2010
tim

kris should keep her mouth and her legs closed. an over the hill queen who like her agent bum boy abunda has a liking for young boys.
she has no dignity and no shame. tacky like the endless cheap products she endorses.
who hasnt she slept with. onto politicians next. i think she has delusions of being the next president!!!!!!!!!!

12 08 2010
eddibumangon

bravo on the keeping her legs and mouth closed…and by mouth i didn’t mean for talking. :-)

12 08 2010
etchosera

Ayyyyy! you’re so naughty! Ahihihihihi!

13 08 2010
eddibumangon

and you’re so generous…some people describe me as a bitch. :-)

12 08 2010
hikatalomato

in the states, when a person gets really piss off, he go to the street and start shooting people. in the flippines, when a person is really really really piss off, he goes to twitter/facebook and post shoutout.

12 08 2010
hikatalomato

pnoy’s no wang-wang policy (kris is exempted ☺) is a good start. but it would be much much better if those government-owned vehicles have their agency names emblazoned (in big letters) in all 5 sides of the vehicles (front, rear, top, portside and starboard☻). naku, andaming gumagalang redplates na walang pangalan ng agency. dapat ding tanggalan ng tint mga sasakyang ito para makita natin kung sino ang sakay (nagaaral na anak, asawang papuntang parlor, magshoshoping na kabit, jowang bading, alagang aso ni boss, litson galing sa solicitation dahil bday ni director, etc., etc.)

12 08 2010
maxlip

kris is already very “wang wang”. :-)

12 08 2010
phreddox

you have a good point.

12 08 2010
ramrod

I don’t see any reason why anyone should meddle into this “kris” talk thing, its downright tabloid material and “no taste” we should just ignore her and whatever she says…the more people bite, the more publicity, the more some people make more money – at our expense… :(

12 08 2010
ramrod

kris should keep her mouth and her legs closed. an over the hill queen who like her agent bum boy abunda has a liking for young boys.
she has no dignity and no shame. tacky like the endless cheap products she endorses.
who hasnt she slept with. onto politicians next. i think she has delusions of being the next president!!!!!!!!!!
——–

this is just soooo gay!!!

12 08 2010
tim

look up borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder and u will understand kris aquino
issues of abandonment and intimacy.
a middle aged mother with middle aged spread flirting on tv with teenagers make for uncomfortable and sick viewing
in first world countries it would not be allowed
and how many times has she given gifts to her young colleagues to entice them to go out with her.
i promise you, a lot!!!!!!!!
and this is the best of philippine culture!!!!!!!!

12 08 2010
etchosera

and your point is……?

12 08 2010
maxlip

puro exclamation point ‘Teh. hahaha

12 08 2010
tim

also about time gay-noy came out and stopped trying to use shalani as a pretend girlfriend. am sure kris has many nice boys she can introduce him to

12 08 2010
etchosera

‘Teh, malaki na ang problema mo.

It’s about time you see a veterenarian again.

12 08 2010
maxlip

or maybe a vagatarian ‘Teh.

12 08 2010
tayts

ang galing mo. buhay na buhay ang iyong mga “interviewees.” dito pa lang malaki na ang silbi mo sa bayan! si boy abunda naman! ano kaya ang talagang masasabi nya tungkol kay kris?!

12 08 2010
tim

kris is not wang wang, just bang bang thank your ma’am

12 08 2010
tim

kris should keep her mouth and her legs closed. an over the hill queen who like her agent bum boy abunda has a liking for young boys.
she has no dignity and no shame. tacky like the endless cheap products she endorses.
who hasnt she slept with. onto politicians next. i think she has delusions of being the next president!!!!!!!!!!
——–

this is just soooo gay!!!

no it’s not.
and whilst we are on the subject, nearly
why are gay sites banned in philippines
search on homosexuality in the philippines and then try to access any sites with this or similar and no access
i thought u were democratic not chinese communist
so much censorship on some many things
mushroom politics – keep them in the dark and feed them manure

13 08 2010
eddibumangon

Don’t worry tim, now that Pnoy is president, gays can expect better treatment. You cannot be selfish to your own kind, right? :-)

12 08 2010
senior60

naku religiousboy, i have this feeling, i have this feeling talaga
na you are not a boy but a girl…

and i have this feeling, again na you are also a resident of
one roxas triangle, wherever that may be…

hingan din sana kita ng opinion kung ano ang masasabi mo sa
hindi pag follow ni noynoy ng napaka simple na no parking
policy, pero huwag na lang dahil ayoko mapagsabihan ng ’till your
face turns blue’ pero, on the other hand, bakit nga ba ayaw mo na
lang sagutin ng maayos, sige na, ipagtanggol mo si noynoy ng
maayos…

at ano naman kaya kung hindi ka maki sympathize kay zdh, sino
ka ba? ay oo nga pala, si religiousgirl ka nga pala….

12 08 2010
checkmate

nyahaha kulet ng mga jokes lalo na ung wala akong masabi, wala akong choice part todo laugh trip nyahahaha ^_^

12 08 2010
senior60

p.s.

huwag mong sabihin religiousgirl na hindi mo alam na kayong

mga sosyalera ay mas masahol pa sa mga isang kahig isang tuka

na mga nilalang pagdating sa mga showbiz balita…

at may feeling din ako na isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ka nag

react kay zdh ay upang ipaalam lang sa mga bloggers na alam

mo, na ang riesling ay isang white wine, na you are also a

sosyalera, pa simply ka pa…..

12 08 2010
religiousboy

Uuuuy! Nanghuhuli. Nice try.

12 08 2010
etchosera

Hay naku, bahala na nga kayo! Hmmmmp!

Basta ako, I so love watching riesling…. di ba Undertaker?

16 08 2010
kaye

LOL @ riesling–Undertaker.

aliw ka talaga, etchos! :-D

13 08 2010
eddibumangon

malay mo senior, ginugul nya lang yang riesling.

12 08 2010
REMOJ

anu kaya masabi ni Kris pag nabasa niya 2.

12 08 2010
My Lamat

If this is really true…..Shit! nakakaturn off!

12 08 2010
Anonymous

the professional heckler has done it again! cheers idol !

13 08 2010
iroppoi

noy and kris…
super interesting topics!!!
there’s soooo much to heckle abt them!

13 08 2010
senior60

wilyam, kung hindi pang aant bully ang ginawa ni noynoy
kay nilo, bakit sya ang nasampolan, bakit hindi yung mga
taga mwss and other agencies na may nauna ng mga issues,
total powerful naman sya…

religiousgirl, hindi pa kita nahuli? may boy ba na nag dadialogue
ng ‘pigilan nyo ako!’?

eddiebumangon, sa palagay ko hindi yun ginugul, talagang alam
nya, tingnan mo nga yung kanyang sinabi, marami daw syang
kilalang residents doon, tama ba ako? vague kasi pagkasabi,
meaning society boy or girl? sya….

14 08 2010
religiousboy

Senior60 — Tsk, tsk tsk. Yan ang napapala mo sa feeling-feeling mo. Hanggang mag-conclude ka na base din sa thwarted mong logika na naaayon sa iyong feeling-feeling.. Di mo na tuloy alam kung anong paniniwalaan mo. Sabi mo girl ako. Sabi naman ng kapatid mong si Bumangon, nag-papa girl lang ako. Pano ba yan? In cahoots kayo pero you can’t get your act together. Kakalito kayo ha? Buti pa magbuntalan na lang kayong dalawa (ala UFC ha?) at kung sino ang magwawagi, dun ako. O di winner tayong lahat? Ha-ha-ha! Meantime, mag-insomnia kayo sa kahuhula at ka-fe-feeling-feeling. Aha,,,,aha…aha…! (Feelings….nothing more than feelings….)

14 08 2010
eddibumangon

I stand by my opinion of you, religious (daw) boy (daw)! Ganoon kalakas ang gaydar ko. I can sense by the way a person writes. First few paragraphs pa lang galing sa yo, abot na kita. :-)

14 08 2010
etchosera

Ayyyy! wag nang buntalan…. riesling na lang, ala Batista at Undertaker!

13 08 2010
einalem

this gave me the much needed happy cells. super laugh trip. Thanks PH!

13 08 2010
bluguy

BRAVO!!!!!! missed this blog….

14 08 2010
emma

hello kris, always behave,sinagot ka na ba ni junjun binay? nakakahiya para sa isang babae tulad mo ilang months pa lang hiwalay sa asawa eto, naghahanap na naman, at nakapagparamdam na kay junjun binay, i hope di pumatol si junjun sa yo para di masira family niya, he deserve to look for a girl who is faithful and will take care of his children.

15 08 2010
tim

kris aquino arrives at the pearly gates, with god sat on his throne
” and why should i let u in” he says
” never mind that – get out of my chair” ka replies.

ka has had so many skin peels that they now have to graft skin from her bottom, so she really does speak out of her a***

what is the difference between ka and mcdonalds.
one is open 24 hours a day, the other serves hamburgers

ka and bum boy abunda are soulmates! – they both like young basketball players

ka has a new tattoo on her bikini line – oil before use

ka has had that many young boys that they are going to name a nursery after her

how many children does ka have – 1 a night

ka does not have a car but a blacked out passion wagon, complete with bed in the back, and that is not a joke

at least james yap wont have to wake up to a beached whale evry day

and who released the rumour about her pregnancy – none other than her agent bum boy – he wouldnt have a career if it wasnt for being her gimp

what do her children say when they see her – ” who are You” nice when u have 4 nannies to look after ur kids.

i pity young binay. another one who will be used to suit a political end.

abandoned by the father and abandon others in later life – freud

and if my stupid brother can be president then i can be an icon. ka is so jealous of not being top bitch in the family she is actually a danger. she is so jealous of her quiet unassuming brother having so much attention and power when she believes it is her right.

now over the hill in tv terms then politics is her next goal and all is carefully planned especially the tearful exposes. pity that good people are hurt along the way. and no chance for her children.

16 08 2010
ramrod

tim,

Are you Tim (Yap)? Guys (real ones) don’t talk about women this way, we respect women by being reserved with certain comments (of course, we’ll get in their pants every chance we get)…talking like this is a game killer (you know what I mean)…there are lines we don’t cross…

17 08 2010
etchosera

It is just a case of “ang magnanakaw ay galit sa kapwa magnanakaw”, kaya ganyan na lang ka-wicked ang lola Tim mo!

Yun na!

18 08 2010
eddibumangon

Magnanakaw galit sa kapwa magnanakaw? Kaya ba ganoon na lang ang galit ni Pnoy kay GMA? Nagtatanong lang po.

18 08 2010
jack cool

Naku Koya Eddi, let’s not go there. I am naughty and nice, not wicked.

Pero bakit ba? Ano nga ba sa palagay mo ang ninenenok ni Pnoy?

Hmmmm….. Aminin!

18 08 2010
tim

in the spirit of democracy – u r not chinese run and censored yet, then a few words in reply.
i am not a yap ( in ka’s fantasy world the name no longer exists), nor am i a scion – she has her gimp – bum boy abunda – and the makati media mafia to do her dirty work for her.

but having a cougar and baby snatcher as a role model on teenage tv is bad form and shows little integrity or duty of care.

but if everyone wants to flush culture down the toilet then so be it. thats 3rd world tv for you.

i do however think that people should see beyond the gossip, constant buzz abunda exclusives, crocodile tears which are all carefully manufactured to paint an innocent victim ( to keep the aquino cash cow brand going) and see a dangerously disturbed woman with either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder.

characteristics
attention seekeing
abandonment of others
fear of intimacy
controlling
delusions of grandeur
sexually deviant/compulsive
driven by and attracted to fame and power
lack of empathy
lackj of conscience
impulsive
need to be loved
fear of aging ( peter pan syndrome)
child like ( emotionally)
hates other women – younger and prettier
obsessively jealous

a child in an adults body rooted in abandonment when young

as to other point

maybe it is time to move away from a matriachal model and for the men to get some machismo and cojones rather than letting the women do the work
and hoping that god or the chinese sort out the problems.

a modern version of roman bread and circuses – now videoke and rice

be masters of ur own destiny or become economic and political slaves to the chinese

be strategic in your thinking or u will never drain the swamp of alligators

be men not petty criminals, or mummys boys.

in the west there is a saying ” never trust a filipino – they have a smile on their
face, and a gun behind their back”

i guess the families of the murdered journalists can relate to that.

and in japan the saying is ” the philippines give to the world cheap housemaids and poor comfort women”

not good global pr. thats island mentality for u. visit cuba and u will see the similarities.
hope that clears things up

16 08 2010
ramrod

…or maybe you’re one of ka’s minions trying to up the ante by soliciting reactions? these chismis mean money for some people but only if it gets passed around…

17 08 2010
lhai

sobrang sumkit mata q, at ung likod q skitt…haba…s0brang daldal tlaga ni kris khit cguro 24/7 go xa..

18 08 2010
nrs

comedy..or satire… pasalamat na lang at censorship-free ang social and mass media sa RP ngayon…..in FAIRNESS, may points naman lahat ang mga bloggers, and it’s an exercise of freedom of expression. kaya lang, looking behind and within this political spoof, what kind of change kaya ang gustong ma achieve or mai-contribute ng professional heckler?? aren’t you just attempting to show the world how miserable the PINOYS can get for electing p-Noy, who is incidentally, a brod to showbiz Kris, as President….a self-destructing expose’ ?

i remember reading very recently from a young UP-graduate blogger’s site : When will the Philippines Learn to Grow Up? …nagtatanong lang po…

http://artofchangemaking.com/2010/60/when-will-the-philippines-learn-to-grow-up/

18 08 2010
eddibumangon

I don’t know about Mr. Heckler’s reasons but for me, it’s my way of saying: I TOLD YOU SO!

Don’t ever expect something good to result from electing a DUMB president!

18 08 2010
tim

he is not dumb just simple and way out of his depth. in any corporation he would struggle to run the post room. next time vote for his sister. you get what u deserve

18 08 2010
phreddox

eddi hinay hinay, ang dibdib mo heheh

18 08 2010
eddibumangon

phreddox,

walang problema sa dibdib ko, lagi ako sa gym. puso ko ang me problema. :-)

18 08 2010
jack cool

“Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.”

-PLATO- not pinggan

24 08 2010
Anon

@article

napakagaling! thumbsup smiley!

4 09 2010
Ang Panday

[...] EXCLUSIVE! Noynoy Interviews Kris « The Professional Heckler [...]

29 11 2010
emely

hye chris kmosta na im emely from lebanon at work in lebanon

4 03 2013
Dale

Hey! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this
post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept chatting about this.
I will forward this post to him. Pretty sure he will have a good
read. Thank you for sharing!

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