CONFUSED

24 04 2010

APOLOGIES for this very late post. There were some domestic problems that had to be addressed. Influenced by what she saw in the news, my mother’s personal manicurist quit her job to apply as a member of the board of Pag-IBIG Fund. A day later, our gardener left saying he’s confident of landing a job in the Luneta Park administration.

These people have been serving us for years! My mother felt betrayed. While delivering a speech in a community event, she broke down, openly cried and said, “Tao lang din ako, nasasaktan.” You know what happened next after her tearful speech? Malacañang offered her the job of justice secretary!

But things slowly returned to normal. After posting ‘Help Wanted’ ads, several people flocked to our house and applied for the two vacancies. My mother is finalizing the list of candidates now. To determine who’s best suited for the job, she plans to do a survey in our community… unless of course Sen. Richard Gordon intervenes, and slap her with a lawsuit.


Can you believe it? There are only 15 days left before the national elections! The tension is killing everyone. With the seemingly endless mudslinging between and among candidates, people are getting more confused. Take the case of Noynoy Aquino. The guy has two vice presidents!

During a campaign sortie up north, Sen. Noynoy Aquino reveals that when he marries, he wants vice presidential candidate Jejomar Binay to be his ring bearer saying, “‘Di ba dapat ang ring bearer ay may pinagdaanan kayo, may meaning. Maaasahan mo talaga” … to which Mar Roxas replied, “At least you know naman pala kung bakit hindi kita kinuhang ring bearer.”

As the election approaches, presidential candidates intensify their attacks against their perceived biggest rivals:. Noynoy Aquino vs. Manny Villar; Joseph Estrada vs. Manny Villar; Noynoy Aquino vs. Joseph Estrada; Gilbert Teodoro vs. Lakas leaders, and Richard Gordon vs. survey firms.

“Killing” Kris
The Aquino family has reportedly requested that Kris Aquino’s character in her primetime soap be “killed” so that she could devote more time campaigning for Noynoy. Grateful viewers lauded the Aquino family’s request and called it “heroic.”

Jamby’s Threat
Presidential candidate Jamby Madrigal threatened to go on a hunger strike unless the Commission on Elections agrees to conduct a parallel manual count of votes in next month’s automated polls. The Comelec dismissed the threat as political gimmickry claiming that Jamby was actually having weight issues and had to go on a diet.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal threatens to go on a hunger strike if the Comelec won’t conduct a parallel manual count of votes in next month’s automated elections. If that doesn’t work, she’ll do something more improbable: eat galunggong and itlog na maalat.

Quiboloy’s Birthday
Cult leader Apollo Quiboloy reveals he has not yet received any vision on the “chosen one” for the May 10 elections. Quiboloy was expecting a clear sign from Heaven last week… but Iceland’s Eyjafjallajokull Volcano erupted.

Cult leader Apollo Quiboloy who turns 60 on April 25 claims a following of six million… making him a strong candidate for spiritual adviser to the president.

Presidential candidates Noynoy Aquino, Richard Gordon, Gilbert Teodoro, Manny Villar, Bro. Eddie Villanueva and Jamby Madrigal are in Davao now for the birthday celebration of cult leader Apollo Quiboloy. Reports say the festivities include an unlimited supply of ice cream, cotton candy, and birthday cakes, as well roasted pigs and roasted cows… prompting Sen. Jamby Madrigal to abandon her threat of a hunger strike.

Reports say the very single Pastor Apollo Quiboloy has invited his closest friends and some 50,000 children to his mini-theme park in Davao for his birthday party. Among those who confirmed attendance were Elizabeth Taylor, Diana Ross, Reverend Al Sharpton, and Macaulay Culkin.

————————–
“The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own.”
~Frank Zappa

Survey Says
Naniniwala ba kayong may basbas ni Pangulong Arroyo ang pagkakabasura ng charges laban sa dalawang miyembro ng pamilya Ampatuan?
Oo! Halatang-halata! 86%
Hindi naman siguro. 13%
Anong isyu? ‘Di ko alam. 2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Jejemons are taking cyberspace by storm. Know more about them, and then try to translate ‘normal’ phrases to Jejenese.

Manila Standard Today: How much does a TV executive earn yearly?

GMANews.TV: Celebrities who are running in the May 10 polls

Have a great week ahead!

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50 responses

24 04 2010
dana grace

yay! first!

galing mo talaga heck, idol

24 04 2010
professionalheckler

hehe! mainit-init pa ‘yan. ang bilis mo :)

25 04 2010
pihikanchronicles

haha ako second! dont u think kris aquino is ajejemon too, ph? lol

25 04 2010
professionalheckler

hmmm, iba ang mundo niya eh. :)

25 04 2010
eufems

I think she’s more likely to use baklese or conyo english than jejenese :))

25 04 2010
derdo

Wow, I’m early. Jamby won’t be able to cook galunggong because she first has to find LPG that costs P8. “refill lang ha?” Heard her say that in Unang Hirit when she was asked questions testing her knowledge on various issues following her galunggong faux pas weeks back.

25 04 2010
vince

hmmm.. sino kaya kandidato ni PH? pde pang bloc voting.. haha.. maraming followers… :D

26 04 2010
Anonymous

Me too. Kaya, I want to address this to our dear PH: Prof, we understand if you want to keep it secret for now, but will you reveal your presidential candidate, win or lose, after the election? La lang. Curious lang kami.

26 04 2010
religiousboy

Am curious too, but I understand why he wants to keep it a secret. Ganun pa man, may I ask you Mr. PH if you will reveal your candidate, win or lose, after the election?

27 04 2010
topdog

my wild guess, may “I” na letter ang candidate nya… (mukhang alam ko, huwag akong pipilitin!)

25 04 2010
pihikanchronicles

natawa ako hunger strike threat ni jamby sa comelec, hehe
pwede din un diet… plus eat galunggong

and i think she should refrain from wearing shoulder pads as well

25 04 2010
dbee

yay 3rd! haha. thank heavens for this blog, kahit pano natatawanan ang mga issues ng pinas. Sino ba yang si Quiboloy na yan? ngayong election season ko lang sya narinig.

27 04 2010
scorpion 13

Sa aking pagkakaalam si Quiboloy ay isang cultista na nagsasabing siya si Jesus na padala ng Langit dito sa lupa. Iyon lnang.

25 04 2010
achu

Ptr Quiboloy already 60? In fairness wala sa hitsura. Maintained ang skin…at ang kulay ng hair?ü

25 04 2010
achu

Ptr Quiboloy already 60? In fairness, well maintained ang skin at ang kulay ng hair.ü

25 04 2010
checkmate

awts inatake ako ng pagkadyslexic, kala ko gusto talaga ng aquino family na patayin si kris hehehe

25 04 2010
chiwee

Jejemons ewwwwwwwww!

Guess what is its verbal/conversation equivalent? SINGLISH! yewwww and yak. After some time talking to a Singaporean, you “ultimally” get a “headache”. :-)

Galing mo naman Mr. Heckler. Kanina ko lang narinig key Vice Ganda sa Showtime yung “Jejemon”. Thanks for the link about it and being so updated. Now I know what to call those retards who wrongly sends me text messages only a code master can decipher.

Kalokah ang mga bise ni Noynoy. I like Chiz’ ad nga pala for him. Type ko rin ang ad ni Jajajamby. Nasusuka na ako’t binabangungot naman sa paulit ulit na “Tunay na Mahirap” jingle. Kakasira ng araw. :-(

25 04 2010
senior60

asa pa yung iba, magka textmates na sina quiboloy at kris….

25 04 2010
jianne

kris has been thanking quiboloy in her The Buzz. With BA adding, “he’s one of those persons I love to interview in my show.” O-ha, bolahan at its subtle best. For so many years the Quiboloy’s sect exists, ngayon lang sya gustong i-interviewhin ni BA. Ewan ko lang kung magpapabola si PQ. Could be. Who knows? Free media mileage din yan that is likely to generate additional membership.

anywany, nice one Mr PH.

25 04 2010
@luc

tHnKZ fOr sHrINg AboUTZ jejEmOn p0wH. I CAN now tYpe lYk tHem, UsINg D transltor. I alSO NoW know How to Get annOyeD At mySELf. AnD tHiZ iZ especiOlY greaT for ANnoyiNg othERZ. Brb, i’M gonna tHROw Up LoLZ!

25 04 2010
Karaangbugoy

Does anyone ever love Kris except her family and ABS-CBN?

25 04 2010
john

i love Kris, kagaya din ng pagmamahal ko sa kapwa ko at kahit si Senior60 ay love ko.

26 04 2010
dbee

i do :) she’s always true to herself

25 04 2010
Marga

Pagalitan ang LP! Jejemon spelling ang senatorial slate nila:

SLAMAT LORRRD

25 04 2010
professionalheckler

hahahahaha! mismo!

25 04 2010
marshee

wow brilliant idea!!! LP- JEJEMONS!!! hahahaha!

25 04 2010
pihikanchronicles

tama! hahaha

25 04 2010
chris

Natawa naman ako sa hirit mo kay Quiboloy! Parang Michael Jackson lang ha! HAHA

25 04 2010
Anonymous

Si Kris ay natatanging Jejemon na dapat ng kalusin…

26 04 2010
senior60

hahaha hindi umubra kaplastikan ni kris kay quiboloy….

tomador, halimbawa lang ha, halimbawa mag block voting
sina quiboloy at manalo si gilbert, hindi kaya mag run amok
si noynoy at buong lp, at ikaw na rin…

27 04 2010
TOMADOR

di naman masama mangarap diba? kaya oks lang yan LOL ;)

26 04 2010
senior60

uuuyyyy john, naalaala ko, ikaw yong nagpa-alaala
sa akin tungkol sa puso ko noong minsan nag litanya
ako at that was appreciated…

ngayon, ty again na na special mention mo ako na isa sa
mga love mo pero nabagabag ako doon sa word na ‘kahit’,
hindi ko maintindihan kung dapat ba akong matuwa or ano..

pero sure ako sa tuwa dahil sabi ni quiboloy si magaling at
matalino daw ang kanyang president, o ano, si chiz lang ba
ang may presidente?

speaking of chiz, he is contradicting himself with his statements
about noynoy and mar in his ads, first he came out with mar’s
lineage, how about noynoy’s, di ba pareho silang team haciendero?

26 04 2010
checkmate

sir senior60, sa tingin ko po sinusubukan na nila kung pano tumakbo ang isip ni noynoy. tinitignan nila kung tatanggihan ni noynoy endorsement ni chiz for the sake of his vp or kakapalan na nya mukha nya para masiguro lang na sya ang mananalo. sa endorsement ni chiz at ni ampatuan, one thing is certain, ‘goes with the flow’ nga si noynoy…

itanggi man nila to pero ang LP napasok na ng galamay ni arroyo, di ko na kailangan banggitin mga pangalan nila pero eto ang bago, si erap pinapagana na rin ang galamay nya (chiz, enrile) sa kampo nina noynoy, desperate times na nga, if you can’t beat them, join them…

26 04 2010
raul

obvious naman, yung mga banat ni erap & enrile kay villar, si noynoy ang magbebenifit….ano kayang secret deal?

27 04 2010
TOMADOR

Chiz endorsement of Noynoy is legit meaning it came from a significant political figure who is not tied to any political party nor a CULT. And one thing is for certain…whoever believes the ampatuan stunt to endorse Noynoy is an idiot. Ask Gilbert Remulla of NP about it.

Tsaka aminin na lang natin, iba sa inyo naiinis sa mga frontrunners kasi matataas ang rating nila sa survey at yung manok nyo kulelat. Naiinis kayo sa survey claiming it to be “unreliable”, “mind conditioning” and whatever pero kung siguro yung magaling matalino nyo top sa survey for sure you won’t say a damn thing about these SWS or Pulse Asia LOL or to the extreme SUE THEM!

28 04 2010
checkmate

sir tomador, di ka naman siguro galit? wala naman po akong sinasabing di legit ung endorsement ni chiz kay noynoy, ang sakin lang, dahil lang sa walang political party wala na syang connections sa ibang pulitiko? meron po tayong utang na loob system, pinagsamahan system, kanegosyo system, etc… di naman po lingid sa kaalaman natin na etong si chiz eh kaalyado ni erap at fpj dati na kating-kati bumawi kay gloria, naisip ni erap na meron ngang villarroyo kaya nililigawan nya si noynoy via chiz. ang tanong pagkatapos ng election, kaninong impluensya ang mangingibabaw sa aquino admin kung sakali? nyahaha naalala ko tuloy nung kinasuhan ni gordon mga survey firms, di man lang nya naisip na parte ang survey sa freedom of expression, bayad man o hindi, kahit bias pa yang survey di na sana nya kinasuhan, papansin talaga…

26 04 2010
Jepoi

Wow! Cult leader talaga ang description ni Quiboloy eh… hahaha

26 04 2010
siyetehan

i really like your being frank, PH.

haha, kulto kung kulto, walang pasintabi.
:D

26 04 2010
suskupo

Si chiz anak ng Tuta ni Marcos!! Lahing manggagancho ang mga Escudero!

26 04 2010
Lawrence_Patola

Si Bongbong, anak ni Marcos!

27 04 2010
Worried Pinoy

Kung si Chiz ay anak ng tuta ni Marcos, at si Bongbong ay anak ni Marcos, at ang tuta ay anak ng aso, i therefore conclude, Si Marcos ay isang aso at anak ni Bongbong si Chiz!! CHIZ MARCOS!! =)

27 04 2010
buboy

si Kris, anak ni Cory.

28 04 2010
checkmate

LOL chiz marcos nyahahaha

26 04 2010
zhx

. . . may mga magagandang rides kaya sa sonshine land?

26 04 2010
kara_2010

hilarious as always. saw in the news today that the villar camp has stooped so low as to submit his really old mother to face the media. ayos ah! appeal to pity. too bad the public will see it as it really is, a plain media gimmick.

26 04 2010
professionalheckler

NAAWA RIN ako sa matanda. :(

27 04 2010
Worried Pinoy

Nakakaawa nga. Ginagamit ang sariling ina para sa sariling kapakanan. Sabagay, hindi na naman bago ito dahil ginamit na din nya ang pangalan ng namayapang kapatid nya. I’ve seen the interview with Manny Villar’s sister. Sinisigaw nya na biased daw ang channel 2 at lalo na ang channel 7 especially arnold clavio and winnie monsod. To think na facts and figures lang ang pinakikita ni aling Winnie at never sinagot ni Villar ang mga questions nya. Lumabas ang pagiging butangera. Extreme desperation. Baka nga hindi alam ni Aling Curing na kinukuhanan sya ng video para sa ad na un. Please Lord, kahit sino wag lang si Villar. Please lang!

27 04 2010
religiousboy

Sinabi mo pa. Even if the mother is telling the truth, sana di na siya sinali sa gulo. Kung sino man sa Villaroyo camp ang may bright idea nito, naku dapat siyang tanggalin agad. Lalong bababa ang rating ni Villaroyo next survey, I bet you. Maaawa ka na sana nung umiyak si Nanay Curing, aba, biglang pananaray naman ang eksena nung Gloriang kapatid. Negang-nega ang dating! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Ang mg mga Gloria talaga, oo. Tapos dumale pa tong si Remulla, kesyo security reason daw ang agenda ng miting niya with the Ampatuans. Lokohin niyang lelong niyang panot! Wala. Wawa talaga tong Villaroyo camp. Sayang yung Adel. Nasa listahan ko sana ito.

28 04 2010
checkmate

maam kara2010, ngayon lang po ba kayo nakakita ng ginagamit ang nanay sa kampanya? madami po kaya ang gumagawa nung appeal to pity tactic, nauubo na naman ako, *ahem*noynoy*ahem*

28 04 2010
gerry

to cayetano and remulla, who’s now hiding under the skirt of a mother? di na nahiya pati ina ginamit sa kanyang pagsisinungaling.

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