THE AFTERMATH

GMA and “Ondoy”
Around 1 AM last Sunday, President Arroyo toured some parts of eastern Metro Manila where villages and barangays got submerged in floodwaters. For the first time in years, Mrs. Arroyo realized how low that portion of the metro was. The only thing lower… was her trust rating.

GMA and “Ondoy” II
President Arroyo and her Cabinet agreed Tuesday to donate their salaries for two months to victims of tropical storm “Ondoy.” Also doing his share to help typhoon victims is Cong. Mikey Arroyo who has volunteered to gather gifts and donations… by re-marrying his wife Angela this weekend.

GMA and “Ondoy” III
President Arroyo has ordered the implementation of preemptive measures as another tropical storm threatens to pummel Manila and Luzon this week. In particular, Mrs. Arroyo wanted to see three things in place before the next typhoon enters the country: food & water, evacuation centers, and Richard Gutierrez.

Free Calls from PLDT
Manny Pangilinan’s PLDT Group has set up ‘Libreng Tawag’ centers to enable communities devastated by typhoon “Ondoy” to make free calls. There will be phone booths in every Libreng Tawag center. But calls will have a time limit. If a caller refuses to give up his booth, Erap will send 10 armed men to force him into giving up his booth to PLDT.

Erap to the Rescue
Entertainment editor Ricky Lo thanked former president Joseph Estrada for rescuing his sister and nieces who were trapped in their flooded residence at a village in San Juan. When Erap got Ricky’s call for help, he immediately sent three modern flotation devices: Jinggoy, Jude, and JV.

Ondoy’s Wrath
The National Disaster Coordinating Council says damages caused by tropical storm “Ondoy” has peaked at P4.79 billion. Analysts believe the country is about to witness the costliest reconstruction efforts in recent history, next only to the reconstruction of Vicki Belo, Madam Auring, and Ellen Lising.

The Queen Condoles
Queen Elizabeth II of England has extended her sympathies to the victims of tropical storm ‘Ondoy’ in the Philippines. The Queen said Britons were horrified when they saw the news on CNN. It was like staring at Camilla Parker Bowles’ photos for 10 straight minutes.
________
“One of the true tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency.”
~ Arnold H. Glasgow

Elsewhere…
GMA News.TV – Database of missing persons

NDCC’s list of impassable roads as of September 30, 2009

Just Asking
Would ABS-CBN’s “Sagip Kapamilya” project extend help to distressed loyal Kapuso viewers?

Survey Says
Should Sen. Noynoy Aquino undergo a makeover as suggested by his sister, Kris?
NO, and please Kris, just shut the “f” up!: 53%
YES, He badly needs one: 27%
I Don’t Care: 20%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Tropical storm Pepeng is on its way to the Philippines. Make sure your cell phones are fully charged. Stay safe. And thanks for the vote!

HELP!

DEAR FRIENDS, FANS, AND FOES:

The 2009 Philippine Blog Awards has partnered with chikka.com for the Readers’ Choice Awards.

The Professional Heckler has been selected as part of this special award (aside from the earlier nomination for a major category to be decided by a jury).

I am not asking for your help to make this blog win. I am just seeking your compassion so that at the end of the voting, I won’t be the cellar dweller. I have a really low threshold for pain and humiliation.

Sa gitna ng trahedya, pighati, at kawalan ng pag-asa, pagtutulungan at pagkakaisa ang kailangan nating lahat.

You have two ways to vote for this blog.

I: Through text: just type CHIKKARC L17 and send to 2929. [P2.50/text]

You may text up to 1000 times. But of course, that will cost you P2,500, so puwede na sigurong, 500 times na lang.

II: And through e-mail. Just click here to vote.

Maraming salamat sa inyong pang-unawa at pagdamay sa panahong ito ng pangangailangan.

___________
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
~ Dalai Lama

[Note: The Dalai Lama has allowed me to quote him for this self-serving post.]

ONDOY’S ONSLAUGHT

Warning: Due to the latest tragedy that struck the country, The Professional Heckler will not be in his usual mean (and funny) self. Apologies.

Exodus
Concerned for their survival, one by one, hopeless and worried people started leaving. They were trying to save themselves. Nope, I’m not talking about typhoon victims. I’m referring to members of Lakas CMD-Kampi.

Record-Breaking
Weather specialists were stunned at the volume of water brought by tropical storm Ondoy. So powerful was the storm that Bayani Fernando was finally forced to come out of his weeklong seclusion.

Devastation
According to news reports, because typhoon Ondoy has caused massive destruction in the country, PAGASA might delete the typhoon’s name from the official list of future weather disturbances in the country. In bigger news, the National Historical Institute is studying if it could delete the names Marcos, Estrada, and Arroyo in the official list of Philippine presidents.

Several political personalities and controversial celebrities reportedly used Twitter to express their thoughts on this latest tragedy. Here are samples of unverified posted tweets.

President Arroyo: “Sabi nila knee-deep lang!? It was chest-deep! Puñeta!”
about 34 hours ago from web

Sen. Mar Roxas: “Ramdam ko kayo. Promise, totoo na ‘yan.”
about 12 hours ago from web

Sen. Manuel Villar: “I am worried about C5 road.”
4:30 AM Sep 25th from web

Sen. Noynoy Aquino: “Will have to meet with the Pink Sisters before deciding on which evacuation center to visit first.”
about 28 hours ago from twitterfeed

Cebu Rep. Antonio Cuenco: “Half of the members of the Lower House will join Noynoy’s planned relief drive.”
about 30 hours ago from web

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “God Save the Philippines from typhoon Ondoy!”
5:30 PM Sep 25th from UberTwitter

Sen. Jinggoy Estrada: “Baka akala mo porke’t bumagyo, nakalimot na ako. Hindi pa tayo tapos Mr. Panfilo Morena Lacson.”
10 seconds ago from web

Bro. Mike Velarde: “Baligtarin n’yo ang inyong mga payong! Tikatik, liglig, at umaapaw na… ang baha!”
10 AM Sep 25 from Uber Twitter

Pampanga Rep. Mike Arroyo: “My advice sa mga nawalan ng bahay at gamit: pakasal ulit kayo para may magregalo sa inyo.”
2 seconds ago from web

NPA leader Ka Roger Rosal: “Basang-basa dahil sa bagyo at nanginginig sa sobrang lamig. Ka Joma, kung nababasa mo ‘to, magli-leave ako for one week!”
1900 hrs Sep 25 from mobile phone

Vicki Belo: “Just got home after driving around the metro. Ang daming nagkalat na plastic.”
about 27 hours ago from web

Kris Aquino: “Gosh, did you see Marikina and Cainta? I swear, kailangan nila ng makeover!”
about 30 hours ago from web

Annabelle Rama: “May nagtext sa ‘kin dong. Kasabwat ni Ondoy si Wilma Galvante dong!”
3 minutes ago from web

Korina Sanchez: “Rain or shine, tuloy ang kasal!”
7:30 PM Sep 25th from twitterfeed

Headline of the Weak:

___________
“Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.”
~ Bill Watterson

Elsewhere…
Philippine Daily Inquirer – Worst floods in the Philippines

GMA News.TV – List of verified relief centers for ‘Ondoy’ victims

Personal: I Survived!
This street in Makati City used to be submerged in chest-deep floodwaters – the first time it happened in eons! I had to wade through it last Saturday night before three men pushing a tryke-kuliglig hybrid vehicle offered me a 300-peso(!) ride to our house at the end of the road. Two monoblock chairs were placed on the sidecar so i could stand on them. I had to raise my hands (a la-Pacquiao holding his WBC belt) to protect my bag with laptop. Para akong santong ipinaparada sa binagyong fluvial procession! Kulang na lang may magsabit sa ‘kin ng dried everlasting. It was Bocaue Pagoda tragedy meets MMFF Parade of Stars meets Manny Pacquiao victory motorcade! Insane! Ganito kami sa Makati, paano pa kaya ‘yung mga taga-Cainta at Marikina City?

Take care everyone!

SENTIMENTS

GMA Is Back
After a three-nation tour, President Arroyo arrived home Thursday with some 121 distressed overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) who were stranded in Saudi Arabia. Photos of the president with the repatriated OFWs saw print in several newspapers Friday… prompting presidential aspirant Manuel Villar to accuse Mrs. Arroyo of shamelessly copying his signature stunt.

Solons for Noynoy?
Cebu Rep Antonio Cuenco, a Lakas-Kampi stalwart claimed that based on an informal survey, half of the members of the Lower House preferred Sen. Noynoy Aquino. This just in! An informal survey among Lakas-Kampi members showed that half of them wanted to kick Cuenco out of the party.

Solons for Noynoy? II
Cebu Rep. Antonio Cuenco who conducted an informal survey that showed half of the members of the Lower House preferred Noynoy Aquino claimed that only pork barrel considerations were keeping other congressmen from openly supporting a non-administration candidate. A check on House records showed, Cuenco has received his allocation in full.

Ebdane for President, Too
Did you hear the news? Aside from cabinet members Bayani Fernando and Gilbert Teodoro, Public Works and Highways Secretary Hermogenes Ebdane Jr. has also declared his intention to run for president in 2010! In bigger news, an informal survey among Cabinet members showed that half of them actually wanted to run for president!

Ang Ladlad in the House
Ateneo professor Danton Remoto, chairman of Ang Ladlad, the gay advocacy organization seeking accreditation from the Comelec as a party-list group, says his group aims to provide lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders a legal representation in Congress. Rumors say Ang Ladlad wouldn’t be this too keen on making it to Congress if only Jules Ledesma were doing his job.

Ang Ladlad in the House II
Prof. Danton Remoto says Ang Ladlad has a nationwide gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender membership of 22,000. Of this figure, 21,999 are ordinary, marginalized people while 1 is a senator.

Pichay on Ate Vi
Defeated 2007 senatorial candidate and Lakas CMD vice president Prospero Pichay says Batangas governor Vilma Santos is the Philippine version of former Alaska governor and Republican vice presidential bet Sarah Palin. They’re both beautiful, they’re both popular, and they’re both married to losers.

Pichay on Ate Vi II
Lakas CMD vice president Prospero Pichay says Batangas governor Vilma Santos is the Philippine version of Sarah Palin “but with substance.” Santos is reportedly flattered by the comparison but vehemently denies that she is into drugs.

Congresswoman Lani
Sen. Bong Revilla’s wife, actress Lani Mercado, a defeated mayoral candidate in Bacoor, Cavite in 2004, will run for a seat in Congress next year. A number of Cavite residents have asked the Commission on Human Rights to investigate reports that torture has been legalized in the province.

Survey Says
If elections were held today, your choice for president will be. The final results with exact figures (10:49AM, Saturday):
Noynoy Aquino: 476 votes / 37.39%
Manny Villar: 473 votes / 37.15 %
Gilbert Teodoro: 121 votes / 9.50%
None of the Above: 106 votes / 8.32%
Chiz Escudero: 97 / 7.61%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
ThankS to the 2009 Philippine Blog Awards. As I have been telling my Facebook friends, I am not expecting to win but I’ll be very happy if my co-finalists in the Humor category would all lose. Here’s the complete list of finalists.

LOYALTY

Enrile on Estrada
Before Senator Lacson delivered Part 2 of his privilege speech on former president Joseph Estrada, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile took the floor to defend his good friend Erap, and extolled the ousted president’s sincerity, honesty, loyalty, and kindness. As Enrile was heaping praise after praise on Erap, people started wondering: Was he delivering a privilege speech or a eulogy?

Villar and Willie
Nacionalista Party spokesmen Gilbert Remulla and Atty. Adel Tamano flatly denied that Sen. Manny Villar has asked TV host Willie Revillame to be his running mate. The spokesmen described the issue as a “baseless rumor.” Observers described the denial as “damage control.”

Kris on Willie
Kris Aquino advised Willie Revillame to consider running first for mayor of Quezon City where he is registered before aspiring for a Senate seat… to which QC residents said, “Eh gusto ‘nung tao na mag-Senado eh, ba’t mo itutulak sa ‘min?”

Boy Picks Noy
Kris Aquino has confirmed that Boy Abunda, a known supporter of presidential aspirant Manny Villar, has shifted his allegiance to Noynoy Aquino. Just seconds after Kris made the confirmation on national TV, Senator Villar received this text message: “I know how you feel. I can relate. – Dr. Vicki Belo”

Boy Picks Noy II
A long time supporter of Sen. Manny Villar, talent manager Boy Abunda has reportedly shifted his allegiance to Sen. Noynoy Aquino. The multi-awarded TV host declined to elaborate on his decision but issued this brief statement to the press: “If you want a First Lady who looks like Cynthia Villar, you go vote for Manny. But if you want a First Lady who looks like Shalani Soledad, you go vote for Noynoy.”

Kris & Noynoy
Kris Aquino says one-third of the revenues from her pending endorsements will go to Josh, one-third will go to Baby James, and one-third will go to Noynoy’s campaign kitty. Sought for comment on his wife’s statement, cager James Yap said, “Hindi ko nga po alam kung bakit ako, wala. ‘Tapos may one-third ang kay Kuya ‘Noy na pusa.”

Belo Sues Lawyer
Cosmetic expert Vicki Belo has sued lawyer Argee Guevarra for libel after he allegedly called her unflattering names like “Reyna ng Kaplastikan” and “Reyna ng Kapalpakan” on the social networking site Facebook. Belo is currently in a hospital though… because when she heard about the progressive lawyer’s Facebook attacks, she got so incensed, her nose started to combust.

________
“Loyalty is a fine quality, but in excess it fills political graveyards.”
~ Neil Kinnock

SIDEKICK

Villar’s Running Mate
Liberal Party stalwart Franklin Drilon says presidential aspirant Manny Villar is running out of options for vice president. But Villar’s staunch ally, Gilbert Remulla dismissed Drilon’s observation and said, “Si Senador Villar mauubusan ng VP?!? Hello!?! Kung gusto n’yo doblehin pa niya eh!”

Villar’s Running Mate II
According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, presidential aspirant Manny Villar will choose either Senator Francis Escudero or Sen. Jinggoy Estrada, or even Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay as possible vice presidential candidate. Villar is reportedly looking for a running mate who has the most experience, and the least asking price.

Villar’s Running Mate III
Presidential aspirant Manny Villar’s running mate is reportedly a choice among three people: Chiz Escudero, Jinggoy Estrada, and Jejomar Binay. The good, the bad, and the …mayor. [Ang sama ng iniisip n'yo!]

It’s Noynoy and Mar!
Sen. Mar Roxas has accepted Sen. Noynoy Aquino’s invitation to run as his vice-president. Roxas says he will make the official announcement at Club Filipino today, September 21 because it’s a historic day. In fact, there will be two major announcements: One, that Roxas has finally decided to run for vice president, and two, that Korina Sanchez has finally decided to give way to Shalani Soledad.

Estrada vs. Lacson
Reports say deposed president Joseph Estrada is ready to listen to the second privilege speech of Sen. Panfilo Lacson scheduled tomorrow, September 22 . To give you an idea how well prepared Estrada is for the second speech, his lawyers have already drafted a second libel complaint against the Inquirer.

Top 5 Predicted Surprises in Sen. Panfilo Lacson’s Second Privilege Speech About Former President Joseph Estrada

No. 5:

No. 4:

No. 3:

No. 2:

And the No. 1 predicted surprise in Senator Lacson’s second privilege speech about former president Joseph Estrada…

No. 1:

In Other News…
House committee on energy chairman and Pampanga Rep. Mikey Arroyo assured there would be no blackout during the 2010 elections. Asked by reporters how sure he was, he replied, “Nagdududa kayo? Then, sue me!”

Noli Heckled
Of course you’ve heard the news. Vice President Noli De Castro had an outburst last week when leftist protesters interrupted his speech during the awarding of land titles to homeless people in Los Baños, Laguna . He refused to apologize to the protesters whose leader was later identified as Kanye West.
________
“There is nothing so likely to produce peace as to be well prepared to meet the enemy.”
~George Washington

Elsewhere…
Newsbreak asks “Is Bayani Fernando gearing up for legal battle?”

Philippine Sunday Inquirer’s editorial on Lakas CMD-Kampi standard bearer Gilbert Teodoro

Survey Says
On Sen. Panfilo Lacson’s exposé on former President Estrada:
I believe him: 76%
Lies!: 7%
Let me study the allegations further: 17%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

GIBÔ AND PUNO

I’VE HEARD people say that the tandem of Gilbert Teodoro and Ronaldo Puno will have a hard time catching up with the survey frontrunners. So how can they figure more prominently in the next survey? Here’s how.

Questionnaire No. 1200: September 19, 2009
Magandang umaga po. Kami po ang pinagsanib na puwersa ng Sssh W. Sssh (SWS) at Fools Asia. Nais lang po naming alamin ang inyong pananaw hinggil sa darating na halalan. Sa pamamagitan po nito ay matutukoy natin ang posibleng magwaging pangulo at pangalawang pangulo na manunungkulan mula 2010 hanggang 2016 (o higit pa, depende sa resulta ng isusulong nilang pagbabago sa Saligang Batas).

Tinitiyak po naming magiging lihim ang inyong mga sagot at tanging ang mga kinatawan lamang ng SWS, Fools Asia, at ng grupong kumumisyon sa survey ang makakabasa nito.

Bilang pagpapahalaga sa tinatawag na transparency, ang pag-aaral na ito ay pinondohan ng Partido Lakas CMD-Kampi o Palaka.

Panuto: Ikulong sa isang trapezoid (hindi bilog, hindi square… trapezoid!) ang titik na kumakatawan sa inyong piniling kasagutan.

1: Aling partido ang susuportahan mo sa darating na halalan?
A: Partido ng administrasyon
B: Partido Lakas CMD-Kampi
C: Partido ni Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo

2: Sa pangkalahatan, anong klaseng pangulo ang nais mong iboto?
A: Nanungkulan bilang Defense Secretary
B: Paboritong pamangkin ni Danding
C: Bar topnotcher

3: Sa pangkalahatan, anong klaseng pangalawang pangulo ang nais mong iboto?
A: Nanungkulan bilang kalihim ng DILG
B: Nagtrabaho upang matiyak ang pagkatalo ni Miriam Defensor-Santiago noong 1992
C: Naging political operator nina Ramos, Estrada, at Arroyo

4: Kung mananalo sina Gilbert Teodoro at Ronaldo Puno, at susumpa silang ipapakulong si Mikey Arroyo sa unang taon ng kanilang panunungkulan, iboboto mo ba sila?
A: Oo.
B: Why not?
C: Of course!

5: Sa mga patalastas ng mga pulitikong tatakbo sa halalang pampanguluhan, alin ang pinakagusto mo?
A: ‘Yong tungkol sa paghahanda sa sakuna o emergency preparedness
B: ‘Yong nagbibigay ng tips tungkol sa bagyo
C: Oo, ‘yun nga!

6: Sa mga patalastas ng mga pulitikong posibleng tumakbo sa pagkapangalawang pangulo, alin ang pinakagusto mo?
A: ‘Yong may bata sa ilalim ng puno kasama ang isang mamang makapal ang make up
B: ‘Yong pulis na may bagong batuta, bagong sapatos, at bagong chapa
C: Both

7: Ayon sa mga naunang survey, sina Noynoy Aquino, Manny Villar, at Joseph Estrada ang Top 3 picks ng mga respondents sa pagkapangulo. Ano ang masasabi mo?
A: Weh?!
B: Kalokohan ‘yan!
C: Bolahin mo ang kuya mong panot!

8: Anong katangian ng kandidato sa pagkapangulo ang ayaw na ayaw mo?
A: ‘Yung dinodoble ang pondo para sa C5 road project
B: ‘Yong na-convict dahil sa pandarambong!
C: ‘Yong dating congressman na isa sa legislative achievements ay ang paghahain ng panukalang batas na naglalayong ideklara as a special non-working holiday ang April 19 ng bawat taon sa lungsod ng Tarlac bilang pagdiriwang ng Tarlac City Day

9: Fertilizer fund scam, NBN ZTE deal, Macapagal Boulevard project, Northrail Project, the Jose Pidal accounts, Le Cirque dinner, Hello Garci controversy. Anu-ano ang mga ito?
A: Malay ko!
B: Absent ako sa school nang ituro ‘yan.
C: Whateverrr!

10: Kung ang bilangan ay kailangang dayain upang sina Gibô at Puno ay papanalunin, papayag ka ba?
A: Anytime!
B: Go! Go! Go! Todo na ‘to mga friends!
C: Sure! Magkano?

—-Hanggang dito na lamang ang mga tanong. Wala nang kasunod.—-

Paalala: Ang sobre ng pasasalamat sa paglahok n’yo sa survey na ito ay inyong matatanggap labinlimang araw matapos maisapubliko sa mga pahayagan, radyo, telebisyon, at Internet ang resulta ng pag-aaral.

Maraming salamat sa inyong oras at laging tandaan, ang inyong ginawa ay para sa ating bayan.

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!

___________________
“Desperate maladies require desperate remedies.”
~ French Proverb

EXPOSED!

Lacson vs. Estrada
In Part 1 of his three-part privilege speech titled “Ang Dalawang Mukha ng Sining,” opposition senator Panfilo Lacson exposed Joseph Estrada’s extensive links to illegal gambling, smuggling, extortion, and other abuses during his term as president including the convicted plunderer’s possible involvement in the abduction and murder of PR practitioner Bubby Dacer and his driver Emmanuel Corbito. Sought for reaction, Estrada said, “Bakit ako matatakot sa 30 percent pa lamang na exposé? Mas nakakatakot ang kay Noynoy, 50 percent!”

Sen. Panfilo Lacson delivered an explosive speech linking former president Joseph Estrada to illegal gambling operations, big time smuggling, extortion, and other abuses during his presidency including his possible involvement in the gruesome murder of PR man Bubby Dacer. Observers believe this could have been the year’s most shocking political story… had not Sen. Mar Roxas proposed to Korina live on Wowowee.

Filipino-Chinese tycoon Alfonso Yuchengco confirmed Senator Lacson’s exposé that he was coerced to selling his PLDT shares to Manny Pangilinan in 1998. Asked to comment on Yuchengco’s revelation, Pangilinan said, “Chika lang ‘yun! Promise!”

After Senator Lacson’s privilege speech, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada took the floor to denounce what he called “a clear vilification drive against my father” and warned, “If this gentleman does not stop spreading lies about my father, I will tell the truth about the person of Senator Lacson.” Inspired by Jinggoy’s reaction, Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. rose from his seat, looked at a surprised Sen. Jamby Madrigal and threatened, “If this lady does not stop spreading lies about C5 road, I will tell the truth about the person of Senator Madrigal.”

In Part 1 of his three-part exposé on former president Joseph Estrada titled “Ang Dalawang Mukha ng Sining,” Sen. Panfilo Lacson detailed his former boss’ involvement in illegal gambling, smuggling, extortion, and other abuses during his short-lived presidency. After listening to Lacson’s speech, every single person in the Estrada household was reportedly stunned. In fact, former senator Loi Ejercito was so shocked… for the first time in several years, her face moved!

Top 5 Rejected Working Titles for Senator Panfilo Lacson’s Upcoming Privilege Speeches Against the Estrada Family

No. 5: “Ang Dalawa’t Kalahating Baba ni Jinggoy”

No. 4: “Ang Walong Kabit ni Erap”

No. 3: “Ang Nawawalang Leeg ni JV”

No. 2: “Ang Dalawang Katauhan ni Jude”

And the No. 1 rejected working title for Senator Panfilo Lacson’s upcoming privilege speech against the Estrada family…

“Through the Years: Ang Apat na Ilong ni Senator Loi Ejercito”

SWS Survey
Reports say Sen. Noynoy Aquino topped the latest Social Weather Stations survey conducted in major regions of Luzon earlier this month. Noynoy got 50 percent; the other 50 went to the Pink Sisters.

SWS Survey II
The latest SWS survey showed that the Noynoy Aquino-Mar Roxas tandem was the most preferred by voters in Luzon. The least preferred was the Mar Roxas-Korina Sanchez tandem.

GMA’s US Trip
President Arroyo has canceled her scheduled trip to New York. The president made the decision after getting information that not a single solon was willing to foot the bill at Le Cirque this time.

Noli’s Decision
The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that Vice President Noli De Castro has rejected the offer of Lakas-CMD-Kampi to join the party. Sought for comment, De Castro explained, “Bakit ka kakandidato pa, kung sa offer pa lang ni Villar ay panalo na!”
__________
“Revenge is a confession of pain”
~Latin Proverb

Elsewhere: RG Cruz vs. Korina Sanchez
I received a letter three days ago but opted to verify its authenticity first before writing about it lest I be accused again of spreading black propaganda against a certain Korina Sanchez.

Just so you know, there’s an ongoing “war” between a certain Korina Sanchez and RG Cruz, a journalist from ABS-CBN.

Reports say a certain Korina Sanchez, through an open letter, has asked her superiors at ABS-CBN to probe RG for his not so flattering Facebook comments about the ex-future First Lady. [Pati ba naman Facebook status, patulan?!]

A portion of the ex-future First Lady’s letter to management menacingly reads:
“So to you, RG Cruz, I say, I hope that — as your Facebook entry narrated — as you were “eating chocolate” and indulging your gastronomical cravings while events at Club Filipino on the 2nd of September 2009 were unfolding and all you could think of and delight in, as written in your Facebook, are your cruel attacks, pettiness, inanities and insensitivities to the sacrifice of others and, horror of horrors, make these public — you will, henceforth, attempt to save yourself from the very real prospect of disappearing, leaving this world without a trace, no better and even worse than when you found it.”

Here’s the letter in full as posted in the blog of lawyer Marichu Lambino.

Da Who?
Very reliable sources say a lawmaker who has “links” to showbiz is hooked on prohibited drugs. Because of the addiction, he is frequently absent in sessions. A TV show is currently working on the story but I seriously doubt if the lawmaker would grant an interview… unless he’s prepared to lose in the 2010 polls. Hint: Check out your calendar.

Survey Says…
Who should be the standard bearer of the administration party?
Noli De Castro: 8%
Bayani Fernando: 22%
Ronaldo Puno: 1%
Gilbert Teodoro: 14%
I don’t care: 55%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

KABAYAN

De Castro and the Palace
Did you hear the news? Malacañang has given Vice President Noli De Castro a deadline to join Lakas-CMD-Kampi. Kabayan vowed to make a final decision after Manny Villar has made a final offer.

Top 10 Questions Vice President Noli De Castro Should Ask Himself Before Accepting the Invitation of Malacañang to Join the Administration Party

No. 10: Deadline? Eh sino bang 1 percent lang sa survey, ako o si Gibo?

No. 9: Am I this desperate to become president?

No. 8: Since my home studio, ABS-CBN is expected to back Noynoy Aquino, who will then support me – NBN 4?!?

No. 7: Is my future running mate, Ronnie Puno – capable of pulling off another “Sulo Hotel Operation” to secure our party’s victory?

No. 6: If yes, why am I tempted to allow it?

No. 5: Can Lakas CMD-Kampi match the multimillion-peso offer of my Wednesday Club buddy Manny Villar?

No. 4: Teka, saan ko na nga ba inilagay ‘yong tseke?

No. 3: If I would be drafted as Lakas Party’s standard bearer and ANC invites me to a series of presidential debate (to be moderated by UP professor Cheche Lazaro in English), can I just send someone on my behalf?

No. 2: How prepared am I to lose?

And the No.1 question Vice President Noli De Castro should ask himself before accepting the invitation of Malacañang to join the administration party…

Saan ako pupulutin pagkatapos ng halalan sa 2010?

Briefly Noted
Apparently, Manila Standard Today gossip columnist Victor Agustin a.ka. “Philippine Daily Inquirer’s pain in the ass” is misinformed. That post about the ex-Future First Lady was not written as a “chain mail” as he just claimed. People who read the post just started re-posting and circulating the article. Aba! Malay ko bang pati mga taga-Asian Development Bank eh nakiisa na rin pala sa pagpapakalat ng artikulo. Here’s Mr. Agustin’s gossip item on that blog post.

__________
“There’s nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.”
~Scott Adam

NOYNOY

Noynoy for President
Sen. Benigno Simeon “Noynoy” C. Aquino III has officially declared that he is running for president in 2010. In announcing his bid, Noynoy vowed not to steal; vowed not to cheat; vowed not to lie, and vowed not to hire the services of Mar Roxas’ ad agency.

Noynoy Declares Bid II
Sen. Noynoy Aquino has officially declared his bid for the presidency. But his choice of running mate, Sen. Mar Roxas is having a hard time deciding whether or not he would seek the post of VP… mainly because his bride-to-be has yet to drop her bid for First Lady.

Top 5 Rejected Slogans for Noynoy Aquino’s Presidential Campaign

No. 5:
Ex ni Korina, Ex ni Barbara, Ex ni Diana
Pinagsisihan ko na silang lahat, ‘wag kayong mag-alala!

No. 4:
Noynoy Saves: Dahil sa pagtakbo n’ya… naligtas kayo kay Korina

No. 3:
Kung sawâ na kayo sa bad na ARROYO,
Oras nang iboto ang bald na AQUINO!

No. 2:
Problema ng bansa ay malalampasan
Basta’t may Pink Sisters na malalapitan!

And the No. 1 rejected slogan for Noynoy Aquino’s presidential campaign…

Para sa inyong lahat: Isang tunay na reporma…
[‘Wag n’yo lang pakialaman ang aming hacienda!]

Kapapasok Lang!
Naluha ang mga relihiyosong taga-suporta ni Senador Noynoy Aquino nang ideklara nito ang pagtakbo sa pagkapangulo sa susunod na taon. Partikular na nagalak ang Pink Sisters na malaki ang paniniwalang ang kandidatura ni Noynoy ay nasusulat… nasusulat sa mga columns ni Conrado De Quiros.

In Other News…
Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay has dropped his presidential bid to support the candidacy of Noynoy Aquino. A pro-Binay group is now pushing for a Noynoy-Jojo Binay tandem… to which Korina Sanchez said, “Bakit n’yo ba ako pinagtutulungan?”

Manalo: RIP
Dozens of politicos attended Monday’s interment of Iglesia ni Cristo executive minister Eraño “Ka Erdie” Manalo who died last August 31. The burial rites were very organized and solemn except for a minor commotion. During the 21-gun salute for Manalo, the honor guards aimed their guns at the politicians.

Erap vs. Lacson
On Monday, Sen. Panfilo Lacson will reportedly drop a bombshell on deposed President Joseph Estrada. When Erap heard this, he said, “Gago ba siya? Hindi ako takot sa bombshell. Hindi ako takot sa kahit anong klaseng babae!”

BF for President
MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando is reportedly keen on running for president in 2010. BF will officially announce his bid after consulting with the Pink Urinals.
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“Competing at the highest level is the greatest test of one’s character.”
~Russell Mark

Elsewhere…
What’s the sequence of performance in this year’s UAAP Cheerdance Competition scheduled Sunday, September 13? Find out here.

Check out RP’s ranking in the Global Competitiveness Report 2009-2010.

Survey Says
Will you vote for Mar Roxas if he runs for Vice President?
Ayoko pa rin: 50%
Definitely: 30%
I will think about it: 20%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

LIMERICKS

Mikey Arroyo’s Millions
A man named Mikey was on TV
He tried to explain why he’s wealthy
“It’s from our sponsors,
And campaign donors!”
Whateverrr! says Mareng Winnie

Mar Roxas’ Political Advertisements
Mar was brave, Mar was decisive
But his TV ads were repulsive
“Ako na iho,
Ramdam ko kayo”
The outburst of disgust was massive.

The Friendship of Mar Roxas and Noynoy Aquino
There were two best friends, Mar and Noynoy
One was pushy, the other was coy
Mar said, “I’m quitting.”
Noy said, “I’m praying.”
People wondered: was that just a ploy?

The Ex-Future First Lady
There was once a woman named Koring
RP’s First Lady in the making
‘Til Mar said “I quit
I’m sorry my sweet”
Then she went berserk and crying.

Ronaldo Puno’s Ambition
There was once a man named Ronaldo
Who fixed poll results for Tabako
These days, he’s got a plan
Next year will be his turn
So be alarmed Noli De Castro!

Ode to Senate’s Richest
There was once a rich man named Manny
Who got linked to a controversy
He denied the charge
He condemned the purge
And told his pups, “Just speak for me.”

The Deputy National Security Adviser
A fellow named Chavit beats his wife
Causing their family much strife
Tortured her lover
Exposed his boner
And claims, he in fact saved her life! (WTF!)

A Senator’s Fatherly Advice
A woman named Kris told her Kuya
Remain single please, for Joshua
Ping Lacson protested:
“Shalani’s educated
And she never had chlamydia!”
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“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”
~Isaac Newton

THE EX-FUTURE FIRST LADY

Top 10 Messages Left on Korina Sanchez’ Answering Machine

No. 10: Hello ‘nak, si Nanay Cristy Fermin mo ‘to. Isaisip mo sa tuwina, ang Poong Maykapal ay hindi nagbibigay ng pagsubok na hindi kakayanin ng Kanyang nilalang. Malalampasan mo ‘yan ‘nak. Teka lang, ‘nak, ‘yong pangako mong sobre, ‘di ko pa natatanggap.

No. 9: Hi Korina, sa ABS-CBN newsroom ‘to. We’re all here! Guys, altogether now. One… two… three! Ang saya-saya!

No. 8: Hello Korina, Cynthia Villar here. I don’t expect you to believe me but… ramdam kita. Andun ka na eh! Todo-effort ka na eh! Nag-leave ka pa nga ‘di ba? ‘Tapos, biglang uurong?! Ang sakiiiiiiit! Ang sakit-sakit! Tisyu! Penge akong tisyu!

No. 7: Hi Ma’am, si Abby po ito, secretary ni Dr. Palayan. Gusto pong malaman ni Doc kung gagamitin n’yo pa ang luma n’yong pisngi. Naiwan n’yo raw kasi sa clinic last week.

No. 6: Korina, this is Mel. Yup, Mel Tiangco. Wala lang.

No. 5: Hi Korina, si Sharon ‘to. What you said about Kiko was hurtful. You were never his partner. You are not his wife! Kaya ‘di mo siya nirerespeto. Madrasta ka lang! Madrasta!

No. 4: Hi friendsheeeeeep, this is Kris. Alam mo, I heard your interview sa radio last week and in fairness to you huh, may potential ka sa drama. Promise! Sabi ko nga kay Ms Charo, i-guest ka sa MMK eh. O sige, need to go. Nangungulet na si Josh eh. Humihingi ba naman ng one gallon of ice cream. Gosh, he’s consumed two gallons already ‘noh. Ahah-ahah-ahah! Bye sis! And give my regards to Vice President Mar.

No. 3: Korina, it’s Conrad De Quiros of Inquirer. I just realized, I might have erred in saying that Mar was power hungry. He’s not. But you are!

No. 2: Hon, alam kong nandiyan ka. Alam kong nakikinig ka. Sagutin mo naman ang tawag ko oh. Bakit ba ayaw mo ‘kong kausapin? Ilang beses na ‘kong nag-sorry sa naging decision ko ‘di ba? ‘Tsaka sabi mo sa press, okay lang sa ‘yo ang nangyari. Hon, hello? Hon? Tang-ina hon, ‘pag ako napikon si Noynoy ang papakasalan ko.

And the No. 1 message left on Korina Sanchez’ answering machine…

Hello Korina! Apologies for what happened last week at Club Filipino. Nagmamadali kasi ako kaya nabundol kita. Siyanga pala, si Karma ‘to.

Light Bites: First Ladies
Imelda Marcos: Imeldific
Cynthia Villar : Cynthetic
Korina Sanchez: Cosmetic

Enjoy your long weekend!

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Kung gaano kataas ang lipad, ganoon din ang lagapak ‘pag bagsak.
~Kasabihang Pilipino

From the Inquirer’s Gossip Section: September 6, 2009
Hated News Diva

Former staffers of News Diva are reportedly rejoicing that her dream of social prominence has hit the skids.

A source says disgruntled former co-workers earlier prepared a white paper, with video support, detailing ND’s crimes and misdemeanors and portraying ND as the rudest, most hated personality in mass media.

Alas, since ND’s ambition was nipped in the bud, the hate video remains hidden until further notice.

Grabe! Ang hirap namang hulaan! Hahaha

Personal
Try to catch “Kimmy Dora” in a theater near you. Eugene Domingo is insanely funny in her latest project. A really entertaining film. Another comedy that I hope to see soon in theaters is “Last Supper No. 3,” the best picture in the 2009 Cinemalaya Film Festival. .

RAMDAM

Rated K
It’s September! Yup, the “ber” months are here. The world’s longest Yuletide celebration has just been started by Filipinos… with the exception of Korina Sanchez whose observance of Lent began Tuesday.

An obviously hurting Korina Sanchez lashed out at perceived critics of Mar Roxas in a radio interview Wednesday. At one point, Sanchez even demanded an apology from Inquirer columnist Conrado De Quiros for calling the current crop of presidential aspirants, “atat sa kapangyarihan.” Reacting to the demand, De Quiros promised to stop calling Roxas “power hungry” if Korina would stop acting like a First Lady.

Korina Sanchez insisted that she cried not because Mar Roxas dropped his bid for the presidency but because of some people who expressed doubt about her boyfriend. Eh mag-propose ka ba naman ng tanghaling tapat sa game show ni Willie Revillame, paano ka ba namang ‘di pagdududahan?!?

A fuming Korina Sanchez wept openly during her DZMM interview yesterday. For those who missed out on that rare moment, Sanchez is doing a repeat performance live on Wowowee soon.

Reports say the scheduled wedding of Sen. Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez will push through on October 23. However, because of recent political developments, the caterer has decided not to set up a “presidential” table.

Mikey’s Millions
Cong. Mikey Arroyo told Unang Hirit’s Arnold Clavio and Prof. Winnie Monsod that his assets ballooned from a mere P5M in 2002 to P99M in 2008 partly because of gifts from wedding sponsors. Challenged to show proof, Mikey took out a wedding invitation that says, “Paid for by sponsors of Mikey and Angela.”

Mikey Arroyo’s net worth in 2002 was P5M. In 2005, his net worth rose to P76.9M. His suspicious wife is now checking on reports he got married thrice in three years.

Noynoy Retreats
Sen. Noynoy Aquino is currently on a four-day retreat in Mindanao to pray for spiritual guidance as he decides whether or not he would run for president in 2010. Meanwhile, Mar Roxas’ fiancée, Korina Sanchez is going on a two-week retreat to pray that Noynoy declines the endorsement.

Sen. Noynoy Aquino left Manila on Thursday for a four-day retreat in Mindanao to pray for divine guidance as he decides whether or not he would run for president. Actually, Noynoy wanted to pray for five days but God would be too busy on Monday as He is scheduled to talk to Among Ed Panlilio.

Villanueva Won’t Withdraw
Amid praises for Mar Roxas’ decision to give way to partymate Noynoy Aquino, Born Again Christian leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva says he will not back out of the presidential race in 2010. To give you an idea how determined he is in running and winning the presidency, he has started to court the endorsement of Iglesia ni Cristo.

Singson Beats Wife
A case was filed against deputy national security adviser Luis “Chavit” Singson by his live-in partner Rachel “Che” Tiongson after he allegedly beat her up for committing adultery. Something awkward though happened at the Quezon City RTC where the case was filed. When the case was being raffled off, Singson placed a bet.
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“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”
~ Anthony Robbins

Survey Says…
Will you support Joey De Venecia’s senatorial bid?
Sure, why not: 50%
No, way!: 42%
Joey who?: 7%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

SAVING FACE

Tabloid Headline, September 2, 2009

Dalawang prominenteng pamilya sa Pilipinas lumuluha
Ka Erdie Manalo, pumanaw;
Sen. Mar Roxas, umayaw!

Roxas Withdraws
Sen. Mar Roxas has dropped his bid for the presidency next year. If he could only turn back time, he would have prayed much harder for Tita Cory’s recovery.

Mar Roxas has announced his decision to drop his presidential ambition in 2010. Joseph Estrada lauded Mar’s statesmanship. Chiz Escudero hailed Mar’s selflessness. And Manny Villar praised Mar’s performance… in the SWS and Pulse Asia surveys.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who’s been trailing in recent surveys, will no longer seek the presidency in 2010. His family and supporters call it an “act of sacrifice,” otherwise known as “graceful exit.”

Mar Roxas will no longer run for president in 2010. He has also adopted a new slogan, “Lacson, hindi ka nag-iisa.”

Last week, Pampanga governor Among Ed Panlilio declared that he was willing to forego his presidential ambition if Noynoy Aquino would seek the presidency. Panlilio will reportedly make a formal announcement as soon as he gets a go signal from God. ‘Di pa niya kasi nakakausap ulit.

In a press conference held last night, Mar Roxas announced that he has dropped his plans to become president in 2010. Fighting back tears, he said, “Bayan bago ang sarili. Maniwala man kayo o hindi, ginagawa ko ito para sa bayan.” And just to prove his love of country, he is also dropping his plan to become a groom next month.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said withdrawing from the 2010 presidential race was the hardest decision he has ever made in his entire life… next only to his decision to marry Korina Sanchez.

Broadcaster Korina Sanchez was seen crying while Mar Roxas was making the important announcement at Club Filipino. Apparently, hindi siya handa.

In an emotional speech at Club Filipino, Mar Roxas expressed support for Noynoy Aquino’s candidacy for president. He promised, “Hindi kami maghihiwalay ni Noy.” Korina Sanchez cried even more.

The good news is Mar Roxas has officially announced that he shall give way to Noynoy Aquino in 2010. The bad news is Korina Sanchez still refuses to give way to Shalani Soledad.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas made two important decisions yesterday, September 1. First he changed his mind and dropped his bid for president. Second, he changed his Friendster status from “In a Relationship to “It’s Complicated.”

Mar Roxas has canceled his bid for the presidency in 2010. An hour before he made the announcement, he canceled his contract with the ad agency that created his TV commercials. He told them, “’Tang-inaaaaa! Ano ba ‘tong ginawa n’yo!?”

Mar Roxas is no longer running for president. He now seriously considers accepting ABS-CBN’s offer to replace Willie Revillame on Wowowee.

Top 7 Movie Remakes About Sen. Mar Roxas’ Decision to Drop His Bid for the Presidency

No. 7: Kung Fu Malya (Sa Surveys)

No. 6: I, Lowbat

No. 5: My Best Friend’s Quitting / Look Who’s Quitting

No. 4: Race/Off

No. 3: Ganito Kayo ni Korina Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon?

No. 2: Kung Mangarap Ka’t Magising… na Wala Kang Tsansang Manalo

And the No. 1 movie remake about Sen. Mar Roxas’ decision to drop his bid for the presidency…

We’re Not Just that Into You

In Other News
Reports say former First Lady Imelda Marcos is pushing her son Bongbong to run for president in 2010… to which the Ilocos Norte representative quipped, “Sure! Pero sa isang kondisyon: mamatay ka muna.”

Ka Erdie, 84
Iglesia ni Cristo executive minister, Eraño ‘Ka Erdy’ Manalo passed away Monday, August 31. The INC leadership has released a memorandum circular calling on all members to observe bloc mourning.

Senate Hearing on ZTE
In yesterday’s Senate hearing on the canceled ZTE NBN deal, businessman Joey De Venecia insisted, “I am a victim of this anomalous contract.” Ulol!
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“A good sacrifice is one that is not necessarily sound but leaves your opponent dazed and confused.”
~Nigel Short