MOTIVES

Mar & Noy
In a radio interview Saturday (August 29), presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said he is now willing to slide down to the VP race if his best friend, Noynoy Aquino decides to seek the presidency. In making that statement, Roxas hopes to solidify their friendship, cement party unity, and boost his ranking in the next presidential survey.

Mar & Noy II
Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who previously insisted that he wouldn’t slide down to the VP race has just announced on radio that he would give way to Noynoy Aquino if the latter decides to run for president. Mar’s latest pronouncement was hailed by everyone in the Roxas household… except for Korina Sanchez.

In the News: Mar Roxas at Noynoy Aquino, mag-uusap na!
Bad News: Live! Sa The Buzz!

In the News: Para sa kaibigang si Noynoy, Mar Roxas handang magparaya!
Bad News: Sa isang kondisyon: siya ang First Lady!

Party Wants Noynoy
The Aksyon Demokratiko party of former presidential candidate Raul Roco+ has formally endorsed Noynoy Aquino as its standard-bearer for the 2010 elections. Noynoy is reportedly enthralled by the support of Aksyon Demokratiko… mainly because her Mommy Cory and the said party have something in common – they’re dead.

In the News: Mga miyembro ng Aksyon Demokratiko, suportado si Noynoy Aquino
Bad News: Aksyon Demokratiko, iisa ang miyembro

GMA & Noli
Short of anointing Vice President Noli De Castro, President Arroyo, in a statement released Friday said she regards Kabayan “as a leader imbued with decency, capability, dedication to public service and genuine sensitivity for the Filipino masses that will make him a good President.” The Inquirer said the message was sent to the vice president through text message. And if rumors were to be believed, De Castro had a very prompt, very short, and very honest reply: “Madam President… what’s ‘imbued’?”

GMA’s Trips
Malacañang is now mum on President Arroyo’s upcoming foreign trips but the Department of Foreign Affairs says she may be in Libya as early as tomorrow, August 31. To avert another potential scandal, an advance party has been sent to Tripoli to scout for a carinderia.

In the News: Pangulong Arroyo, patungong New York at Libya
Bad News: Palasyo, naghahanap ng manlilibreng kongresista

RP’s Richest
Forbes Magazine reported that presidential aspirant Manuel Villar is the ninth richest Filipino today. He would have ranked a notch higher if the Comelec imposed a ban on premature political advertisements.

Elsewhere…
Albay Governor Joey “She’ a lucky bitch” Salceda strikes again. Check out this column.

An Inquirer letter-sender shares his views on Mar Roxas’ political advertisements. Read the letter here.

Briefly Noted
Have you heard the radio (political) ad of Joey “Back Off” De Venecia? It goes:

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Natigil natin ang anomalya ng ZTE. Napigil ang kurakot.”

Pero ang bwelta ng pamahalaan kay Joey napakalupit.

“Ang buhay ko, laging may banta. Hanapbuhay, inipit. Kanegosyo, tinakot. Pero lahat ‘to kaya kong tiisin makasama ko lang kayo sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Palabra de honor. Delicadeza. De Venecia.

Oh, come on Joey! All of sudden you wanted to be “with” us?! That’s a lot of bull! You’re just as rotten as those guys who were involved in the scandalous ZTE-NBN deal so drop that shitty impression that you’re some sort of a hero because you’re not. And please, stop using the people for your own selfish ends. Who do you think we are… Jarius Bondoc?!?

A more believable JDV III radio ad…

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Nawalan ako ng kontrata. Natigil ang pasok sa akin ng pera.”

Napagtanto ni Joey, mahirap pala kapag ‘di na House Speaker ang kanyang Daddy.

“Kompanya ko, sa bidding… natatalo. Hanapbuhay ko, apektado. Umaatras na rin ang ilang kasosyo. Pero lahat nang ‘to kaya kong lampasan dahil may papasukin na akong bagong negosyo – kayo! Tatakbo ako sa senado upang makasama ko ang mga tao sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Pork Barrel. Droga. De Venecia.
_________
“The public may be willing to forgive us for mistakes in judgment but it will not forgive us for mistakes in motive.”
~Robert W. Haack

Survey Says…
Who has a better chance of winning the presidency?
Noynoy Aquino: 42%
Mar Roxas: 7%
Neither. Iba na lang.: 51%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

MAN ON TOP

Surveys
Sen. Manuel Villar has topped both the latest surveys conducted by the Social Weather Stations and Pulse Asia. When Sen. Jamby Madrigal and her lawyer Ernesto Francisco Jr heard the report, they asked each other, “Haven’t we done enough?!?”

Surveys II
Sen. Manuel Villar has zoomed to the top of two surveys on presidential aspirants. Eh mamudmod ka ba naman ng mga bahay at lupa sa Wowowee, paanong ‘di ka magta-top n’yan!

Surveys III
In the latest Pulse Asia survey, Jesus is Lord founder Bro. Eddie Villanueva got only 1 percent while Father Ed Panlilio got 0.4 percent. Pulse Asia said these figures have once proven that God was trying its best to stay neutral.

Surveys IV
Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas placed 5th and 6th in the latest Pulse Asia, and SWS surveys, respectively. Alarmed by the results of the surveys, Roxas is urging Korina Sanchez to marry him this weekend.

Top 5 Unsolicited Pieces of Advice to Mar Roxas For Him to Fare Better in the Next Survey

No. 5: Do a Doy. Give way to Noynoy.

No. 4: Prove to us that you’re not part of a big show: reschedule your October 2009 wedding after the elections.

No. 3: You and Korina must stop professing your undying love for each other on TV, radio and print. She’s 45; you’re 52. Hindi kayo sina Kim at Gerald.

No. 2: Stop acting. Those kids in your political ads deliver their lines a lot better than you do. So drop the crap that “ramdam ko kayo” because we know and you know that you don’t! Bitch!

And the No. 1 unsolicited advice to Mar Roxas for him to fare better in the next survey…

Totally stop the airing of your TV ads. Anyway, they don’t say much about your accomplishments or your concrete plans for the Filipino people. And if the members of your own staff are afraid to articulate the truth, heto… makinig ka Mar: Nakakasuka ang mga TV commercials mo!

Erap Again
Deposed president Joseph Estrada will definitely run again for president in 2010. He promises to reveal in October: his picks for the Senate, his bet for VP, and his choice for First Lady.

Carlo J for Senator?
Controversial director Carlo J. Caparas is reportedly running for senator next year. Asked about his number 1 qualification, he replied, “Mas marami akong alam na English words kaysa kay Lito Lapid.”

Bizarre Behavior
An 18-year-old boy in Leon, Iloilo was arrested after he was caught in the act of having sex with a goat… to which the wife of the House Speaker said, “What’s the big deal?!? I’ve had sex with a crocodile!”

Bizarre Behavior II
An 18-year-old boy in Iloilo was nabbed after he was caught in the act of having sex with a goat. But that was nothing compared to President Arroyo who shares her bed with a vulture.

__________
“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
~Dan Quayle

DIVINE DIVO

Bro. Mike Velarde
Last Thursday in Parañaque City, President Arroyo inaugurated the sprawling one billion-peso El Shaddai International House of Prayer… Or as Bro. Mike Velarde would call it, “My future Malacañang.”

Bro. Eddie Villanueva
Jesus is Lord leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva has officially declared his bid for the presidency. In case he wins, he vows to construct an even bigger and costlier house of prayer.

Presidential Hopefuls
Evangelist Mike Velarde wants to be president. Pastor Eddie Villanueva is running for president. And Catholic priest Eddie Panlilio hopes to become president. Has God become this power hungry?

Mar’s Plans
Insisting that he will not slide to the VP race, Sen. Mar Roxas says there is no turning back for him… unless Noynoy Aquino reimburses the millions he spent for those torturous and cringe-inducing political ads.

Mar’s Plans II
Sen. Mar Roxas says he wants Sen. Noynoy Aquino to be his running mate in 2010. If both candidates win, Korina Sanchez will become the country’s First Lady and ex-Second Lady at the same time.

Cory’s Monument
Sen. Noynoy Aquino rejected President Arroyo’s offer to construct a monument in honor of former president Cory Aquino at Luneta Park. Hurt by the rejection, Mrs. Arroyo has offered to build a monument at Luneta Park in honor of Carlo J. Caparas instead.

Carlo J’s New Film
Controversial National Artist awardee Carlo J. Caparas is reportedly planning to produce a movie about Edsa People Power 1. But several sectors are opposed to the idea because Carlo J’s story includes the massacre of half of the Edsa crowd.

Top 5 Predicted Titles of Carlo J. Caparas’ Planned Movie on Edsa People Power I

No. 5: People Power 1: Tanks, Cannons, and Guns… God, Why Me?

No. 4: The Untold Story of Edsa: Lord… I Told You!

No. 3: EDSA ONE: Hayan na ang mga Tangke ni Marcos Kaya Lord, Deliver Us from Evil, Please Lang… Save Us, Help Us, ‘Til Death Do Us Part, Txt txt na lang mga Friendship (Part 1)

No. 2: Ang Edsa At Si Cory Aquino: I Want Nobody, Nobody But You! I Want Nobody, Nobody But You!

And the No. 1 predicted title for Carlo J. Caparas’ planned movie about Edsa People Power I…

Rebolusyon sa Edsa: Ang Pakikipagsapalaran nina Totoy Bato, Gagambino, Joaquin Bordado, Bakekang, at Tasya Fantasya sa Ngalan ng Demokrasya

Marcos’ Burial
Reports say Imelda Marcos has reiterated her long-time desire to have a state funeral for her husband, Ferdinand Marcos. For the benefit of the readers of this blog who are too young to understand and remember, Ferdinand Marcos is a former president of this country who currently holds the distinction of being the world’s largest scented candle.

Rat-Eating Plant
This item has been all over the news for two weeks now. An international team of botanists recently discovered the world’s second largest species of rat-eating pitcher plants at the summit of Mount Victoria in Palawan. Meanwhile, a team of international zoologists are on their way to Quezon City to verify reports of a building that houses law-making crocodiles in the area.

Miss Universe 2009
A Venezuelan lass won this year’s Miss Universe title making it two years in a row for President Hugo Chavez’s beauty pageant-obsessed, petroleum-rich country. RP’s bet, Pamela Bianca Manalo failed to make the cut. Tomorrow’s tabloid headline: “Manalo, natalo!”
__________
“Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions.”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Elsewhere…
Philippine Star columnist William Esposo on the decision of the Liberal Party to field Mar Roxas for president

Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Conrad De Quiros is for Noynoy too!

Survey Says
Sen. Manny Villar is open to the idea of Willie Revillame running for senator. Your reaction:
What the f*ck was Villar thinking?!?: 91%
Why not!? He has a huge following.: 6%
Wala akong pakialam sa pulitika: 3%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

VIRUS ALERT

PBA09rrsn020

Experts have advised computer users in the Philippines to take extreme caution following the discovery of several new computer viruses. The Professional Heckler is making the list public for the first time. Indulge!

The Gloria Arroyo Virus: Despite several attempts to remove it, it stays in your computer

The Joseph Estrada Virus: You end your computer session and it keeps coming back

The Mar Roxas Virus: Your computer automatically sends an email that curses the receiver

The Manny Villar Virus: When it infects the system, it doubles and then inserts itself as an email attachment

The Loren Legarda Virus: It targets old files

The Panfilo Lacson Virus: Terminates programs without warning

The Celso De Los Angeles Virus: Saves all your data and then corrupts them

The Chiz Escudero Virus: Appears harmless but has a hidden agenda

The Bayan Muna Virus: It attacks the system

The Jamby Madrigal Virus: Projects itself as a worm and infects rich text format documents only

The Noli De Castro Virus: It makes your computer run slow.

The Lito Lapid Virus: Similar to The Noli De Castro Virus but your computer runs much slower

The Bong Revilla Virus: It screws up everything.

The Gov. Ed Panlilio Virus: Originally appeared as an anti-virus until the corrupted system changed its behavior

The Edgardo Angara Virus: A variant of the Trojan Horse virus: has complete access to the system; gathers info and then re-sends it to outside users

The Jose Ma. Sison Virus: It can destroy your files from a remote computer

The Jovito Palparan Virus: A file just disappears from the computer and never shows up again

The Bureau of Customs Virus: It installs hidden programs, such as pirated software

The Tasaday Virus Ignore it. It’s just a hoax.

The Eddie Villanueva Virus: It has 5 million variants

The John Osmeña Virus: Loves to target the hard drive

The Willie Revillame Virus: Fills up your computer with garbage

The Iglesia Ni Cristo Virus: It controls the entire system

The CBCP Virus: Keeps multiplying itself and eats up space

The Abu Sayyaf Virus: You press the “Delete Key” and it activates the “Escape” [Esc] key instead

The Cecile Guidote-Alvarez Virus: You press the “Return Key” and there’s no response

The Danilo Suarez & Martin Romualdez Virus: It directly targets computer menus

The Ka Roger Rosal Virus: It cannot be found.

The Smart and Globe Virus: Keeps sending unwanted spam mails resulting in the disappearance of data

The Susan Roces Virus: It infects the system not just once but twice

The Vicki Belo Virus: Anti-viruses find it hard to identify since it constantly alters its appearance
________
“No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power.”
~ Jacob Bronowski

Elsewhere…
Forbes Magazine has released its annual list of the world’s 100 Most Powerful Women. Did outgoing Philippine President Arroyo make the cut this year? Here’s the complete list.

THE WEDDING

Mar & Korina’s Wedding
According to Sen. Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez, every detail of their October 23 wedding will be documented and shown in a two-hour special on ABS-CBN. The couple is asking for an extra 30 seconds from the network… to document their honeymoon.

Mar & Korina’s Wedding II
Mar Roxas’ cousin Margarita Fores has reportedly drawn up the menu for the wedding dinner. Just to make sure that high-end guests will appreciate the food, Fores consulted Congressmen Danilo Suarez and Ferdinand Martin Romualdez.

Mar & Korina’s Wedding III
Reports say Mar and Korina want to hold their wedding at the Sto. Domingo Church in Quezon City. But they also consider holding it at the air-conditioned Manila Cathedral. If there’s no decision yet by October 1, they’ll just divide the whole ceremony into two: the first half happens at the Sto. Domingo Church, and then, with ABS-CBN cameras documenting the event, hold a procession towards Intramuros via Edsa and Ayala ‘til they reach the Manila Cathedral for the second half of the wedding rites. [A shower of confetti along Ayala is optional.]

Mar & Korina’s Wedding IV
Every detail of Mar and Korina’s wedding will be documented and shown on ABS-CBN 2. Three months after the wedding, Star Cinema will start shooting its latest Judy Ann Santos flick inspired by the couple’s story. The movie’s working title: “Kasal, Kampanya, Kandidato.”

Mar & Korina’s Wedding V
A two-hour special on Mar & Korina’s wedding will be shown on ABS-CBN in October. The network is reportedly looking for a host, and everyone in Channel 2 is being considered… except for Karen Davila.

Presidential Jet
President Arroyo has reportedly dropped plans to purchase a new presidential jet. When she learned that it would cost 1.2 billion pesos, she told her cabinet and allies in Congress, “That’s a lot of money. Ikain na lang natin!”

Anti-Torture Bill
The congressional bicameral conference committee has approved a reconciled bill criminalizing torture. When the bill is enacted into law, television networks will not be allowed to air Sen. Mar Roxas’ political advertisements.

Jamby’s Lawyer
Presidential aspirant Jamby Madrigal’s lawyer Ernesto Francisco Jr. couldn’t hide his excitement over a temporary restraining order issued by the Manila RTC against the advertisements of Health Sec. Francisco Duque. To celebrate his latest victory, Francisco is raffling off, among his staff… 1000 original Jamby bracelets.

Da Who?
Remember our item on a government official who’s been blatantly using his post to advance his political ambition in 2010? This government official approached another network for a guest appearance on a game show. Here’s his idea of that guesting: his “subordinates” will play against one another in one whole episode of the program. When a subordinate is called on the hot seat, Mr. Government Official will serve as his “savior” in case he didn’t know the answer to a particular question. Apparently, the suggested treatment for the game show did not materialize. Do I have to give a clue or do you want to use a lifeline?

Elsewhere…
Columnist Antonio Abaya answers two questions: Why and how did our elders fail?
__________
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
~Anonymous

VILLAR’S BET

Willie for Senator?
Did you hear the news? Senator Manuel Villar announced that he would reserve a slot for Willie Revillame in his party’s senatorial ticket if the latter decides to run for a Senate seat. Rumors say some party members do not approve of the idea. But just to show how fond he has become of the controversial tv host… if other party members reject Revillame’s inclusion in the party’s senate slate, Villar vows to insert his name.

Presidential aspirant Manuel Villar says his Nacionalista Party will reserve a slot for Willie Revillame if he decides to seek a Senate seat. But some party members are reportedly not sold to such idea. When Revillame heard this, he told Villar, “Paano naman ako magsasaya kung ganyan? Mamili ka: ako o sila?”

With regard to Willie Revillame’s possible inclusion in the Nacionalista Party’s official senate slate, presidential aspirant Manuel Villar said, “Very qualified naman si Willie. Wala naman akong nakikitang problema kay Willie.” Shut up Johnny Manahan!

This just in! In anticipation of Revillame’s joining Villar’s NP, the group has decided to adopt a new slogan: “This party will self destruct in 2010 seconds.”

Sen. Manuel Villar’s Nacionalista Party will reserve a slot for Willie Revillame if he decides to run for senator in 2010. When Sen. Mar Roxas heard this, he told his staff, “Set me a meeting with Wally and Jose. Now na!”

Top Five Anti-Willie Revillame Political Bumper Stickers

No. 5: A Vote for Willie is A Vote for Obscenity

No. 4: Kung si Villar Bilib Sa ‘Yo, Kami Hindi!

No. 3: Libing ni Cory o Game Show ni Willie: The Choice is Yours

No. 2: Willie for Senator: Ano bang kasalanan namin at ginaganito n’yo kami?

And the No. 1 Anti-Willie Revillame bumper sticker…

Senator Willie sa 2010: Dahil matatapos na ang termino ni Lito Lapid
________
“Desperate maladies require desperate remedies.”
~French Proverb

Light Bites
Modern sayings & proverbs inspired by some famous political & entertainment figures

President Arroyo
Magpakahaba-haba man ang prusisyon,
sa Kamara rin ang tuloy.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal
Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga;
Kapag may demanda, may mana

Sen. Manuel Villar Jr.
Kapag may isinuksok
May madudukot
Kapag doble ang isinuksok
May Senate probe

Joseph Estrada
Necessity is the mother of reelection.

Sen. Mar Roxas
Nasa tao ang gawa,
Na kay Mar ang ngawa
(Ramdam ko kayo, promise!)

Reps. Danilo Suarez and Martin Romualdez
There’s no such thing as a free lunch
Free dinner, meron.

Press Sec. Cerge Remonde
Nahuhuli sa bibig ang isda;
Lalo na kung puntong Bisaya

Atty. Romy Macalintal
Ang taong nagigipit
Media ang iniipit

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Ang sundalong nasusugatan
Umaatras sa laban

Former Police Sr. Supt. Cezar Mancao II
Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan
Witnes Protection Program ang pinagtataguan
(Ayaw ni Lacson ng ganyan!)

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr.
Ang taong nagigipit
Sa La Sallista kumakapit.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago
Matalino man ang matsing…
Basta. Matalino s’ya.

First Gentleman Mike Arroyo
Aanhin mo ang palasyo, kung ang nakatira ay kuwago
Mabuti pa ang bungalow, ang nakatira ay si Rufa Mae Quinto

Philippine Basketball Association (PBA)
Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika
Fil-Am.

Manny Pacquiao
Ang sakit ng kalingkingan
Tanggal sa Alaxan

Embassy Bar’s Tim Yap
Aanhin pa ang damo
kung Ecstasy na ang uso

Have a great weekend!

Survey Says…
Should Carlo J. Caparas and Cecile Guidote-Alvarez return their National Artist awards?
YES, Out of delicadeza: 75%
NO, They deserve it: 14%
I don’t really care: 11%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

PLANS

Noynoy in 2010
Sen. Noynoy Aquino says his sisters Pinky and Viel do not want him to run either for president or vice president in 2010. Noynoy clarifies though that neither Pinky nor Viel will decide for him. It will be Josh.

Noynoy’s Girl
Sen. Noynoy Aquino has finally admitted that he has a girlfriend. For a change, the new girl is neither a newscaster nor a bold star.

Recto Resigns
Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Ralph Recto has resigned his post effective August 16. Batangueños are rejoicing. Finally, they can have their governor back.

ABS-CBN’s Profit
ABS-CBN reported a 12 percent growth in airtime revenues for the second quarter of 2009. With this positive development, Gabby Lopez has promised to hire better writers and researchers for the network’s documentary programs.

Postscript to Kobe’s Visit
According to recent gossip columns, when NBA superstar Kobe Bryant visited RP last month, he had dinner with starlet Michelle Madrigal in a posh restaurant in Makati City… to which Press Secretary Cerge Remonde said, “So?! It’s just a simple late-night dinner! Not a single centavo of taxpayers’ money was spent!”

Light Bites
Philippine Star columnist William Esposo emailed me this joke:

Ninoy Aquino: “The Filipino is worth dying for.”

Cory Aquino: “The Filipino is worth living for.”

Gloria Arroyo: “The Filipino is worth dining for.”

And if I may add more …

Sen. Mar Roxas: “The Filipino is worth biking for.”

Joseph Estrada: “The Filipino is worth drinking for.”

Sen. Manuel Villar: “The Filipino is worth inserting for.”

Sen. Mar Roxas 2: “The Filipino is worth cursing for.”

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “The Filipino is worth killing for.”

Pampanga Gov. Ed Panlilio: “The Filipino is worth quarrying for.”

Lilia Pineda: “The Filipino is worth jueteng for.”

Sen. Jamby Madrigal: “The Filipino is worth… half of my inheritance.”

Sen. Lito Lapid: “The Filipino is worth… a thousand words.”

________
“Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.”
~George Bernard Shaw

FUROR

The National Artist Award
Despite the uproar over President Arroyo’s selection of additional four new National Artists, Malacañang says it will push through with the conferment rites within the month. After the awarding, a hefty meal will be served to the awardees, their families, friends, and supporters. Leyte Congressman Ferdinand Martin Romualdez will foot the bill.

The National Artist Award II
Unconfirmed reports say ABS-CBN is keen on airing live the conferment rites for the seven new National Artists in Malacañang. Network executives will officially announce the planned live coverage… as soon as Willie Revillame gives them the go signal.

Willie Revillame I
Amid calls from various organizations and bloggers to sanction him over his alleged arrogance and disrespect for former President Aquino’s cortege, Wowowee host Willie Revillame “has been asked to go on leave.” As a result, Sen. Mar Roxas was forced to cancel his scheduled stag party in the noontime show.

Willie Revillame II
ABS-CBN corporate communications head Bong Osorio said starting Monday, August 10, Willie Revillame would go on indefinite leave… Or as scantily-clad dancers on Wowowee would call it “Sexual Harassment Free Week.”

Lapid in New York
Reports say Sen. Lito Lapid didn’t enjoy the dinner he had with President Arroyo at a popular French restaurant in New York last week. He hated the service, he never liked the food, and he couldn’t spell the name of the place.

FIBA Asia Men’s Championship
The RP Men’s basketball team posted its third win in the ongoing FIBA Asia Men’s Championship in China. In case you didn’t know, our cagers (Taulava, Thoss, Helterbrand, Pennisi, Miller, Dillinger, Norwood etc.) were initially barred from participating in the tournament… because organizers thought they were suiting up for FIBA North America.

Photo of the Weak
(Thanks to a friend for the photo. Caption mine.)

Sa inyong palagay, alin ang mas papakinggan ng Itaas:
Ang panalangin ng madasalin at cute na hayup, o ang panalangin ng aso?

Da Who?!
She has been open about it recently. But she refuses to name names. Sexy Celebrity has new a multimillion peso-house in the US. According to her, it was a gift from a politician. According to her, they’ve talked about wedding. What’s wrong with the picture? One, he’s not a politician although he’s an influential figure in politics. Second, how could they possibly talk about a wedding when he’s very much married? Does his common-law-wife know about the illicit relationship? If someone would leak the info to her, she would be clued-up on the affair! And there goes your clue!

Da Who 2
Deepak Chopra calls it synchronicity. We often referred to it as coincidence. The Professional Heckler happened to be at the right place at the right time with the right persons who proved his suspicion that a government official has been using his post and probably, taxpayers’ money to advance his political interest.

Here’s what happened during a recent meeting. People from the creative and media agencies handling the PR campaign of a government official were “buying portions” in several television programs. Their client has been rumored to be seeking a very high elective post in 2010. Advertising guy 1 said and roughly, I quote, “We want the portion to highlight all the achievements of ______.” Advertising guy 2 was more blunt and I thank him for exposing the real motive of his client. He explained, “We have to air the portions ASAP because there’s an scheduled political survey and we want _________ to figure prominently in that survey.”

Da Who is the famous client? Hint: “Initially,” we’re all here!

THIS JUST IN!
Did Karen Davila and her show commit plagiarism? After reading an email from freelance writer and book author Angela Stuart Santiago, I am inclined to believe they did. Tsk… tsk… tsk… A brewing controversy involving another ABS-CBN talent. And they all loathe Gloria Arroyo for dishonesty? Please click this link for the complete story.
__________
“Everything in excess is opposed to nature.”
~ Hippocrates

CARLO J. CAPARAS: National Artist

GMA’s National Artist
President Arroyo has recently declared former security guard turned Filipino comic strip creator/writer-turned director and producer Magno Jose “Carlo” J. Caparas as National Artist for a new & “mixed” category she herself created, “Visual Arts & Film.” GMA’s choice of Caparas though was not surprising since Mrs. Arroyo’s rise to power itself was a work of fiction.

In last week’s protest action, Armida Siguion-Reyna said she didn’t want to address her message to Carlo J. Caparas because “mahina ang kanyang ulo,” to which his wife, Donna Villa said, “Mahina man ang ulo, malakas naman sa pangulo.”

Top Six Messages Left on National Artist Awardee Carlo J. Caparas’ Answering Machine

No. 6: “Carlo, si Joel Lamangan ‘to. Walang personalan huh pero… hindi ko keri ang award mo! Maloloka ako sa ‘yo!”

No. 5: “Mr. Caparas, this is Dr. Butch Dalisay, director of the UP Institute of Creative Writing, UP College of Arts and Letters. Allow me please to share my thoughts on your controversial palace-backed recognition. But before I say my piece, may thesaurus o dictionary ka ba sa tabi mo? You’ll need one.”

No. 4: “Hi Carlo, shi preshidente ‘to. Congratulationssh for a job well done. Alam mo, exshcited na ‘ko sa bago mong pelikula. Promish, papanoorin ko ‘yang ‘Pangarap Kong Jackpot.’”

No. 3: “Direk Carlo, Cecile Guidote-Alvarez here. Isa lang ang masasabi ko… mamatay sila sa inggit!”

No. 2: “Hi sweetheart, si Donna (Villa) ‘to. ‘Yung usapan natin huh: sa ‘yo ang state funeral, sa akin ang monthly pension. Clear?”

And the No. 1 message left on Carlo J Caparas’ answering machine…

“Hi Direk, one week na akong nagta-try na ma-meet ka in person pero masyado ka raw busy. Return my call naman if you have time. Sanga pala, si delicadeza ‘to.”
________
“There are two things people want more than sex and money… recognition and praise.”
~Mary Kay Ash

Elsewhere…
Inquirer Lifestyle’s take on the National Artist Awards controversy and the “death” of President Arroyo.

Did Michael Jackson take a “chemical castration” drug? Here’s a report.

Survey Says…
In the event that Noynoy Aquino runs for vice president, will you vote for him?
YES: 44%
NO: 35%
Not Sure: 20%

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THE LAST FIVE DAYS

Tita Cory: A Postscript
Former presidents Fidel Ramos and Joseph Estrada as well as Vice President Noli De Castro, members of both Houses of Congress and government officials attended the requiem mass for former President Corazon Aquino at the Manila Cathedral. There was a heavy downpour in Manila that morning. No wonder, President Arroyo was so isolated.

Top 5 Things Overheard At the Wake of Tita Cory When President Arroyo Arrived

No. 5: “Huwag natin siyang iheckle friends. May breeding tayo. Ganito, sabay-sabay… inhale, exhale!”

No. 4: “Akala ko ba Cup D na. Bakit parang Cup A lang naman?”

No. 3: ““Wala ba shi Krish? Gushto ko shanang mag-explain at mag-shorry nang pershonal.”

No. 2: “Leche naman, oo! Six hours na kami sa pila, nauna pa siya!”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the wake of Tita Cory when President Arroyo arrived….

[Whispering] “Ano ang tinitingin-tingin mo d’yan? Umalis ka sa harapan ko dahil ‘pag di ako nakapigil, babangon ako rito!”

Former President Cory Aquino is gone. Like her family, politicians are in mourning: Mayor Jejomar Binay lost a friend. Cong. Teddyboy Locsin lost a boss. Sen. Mar Roxas lost an endorsement.

A resolution to declare President Cory Aquino a “national hero” has been filed in Congress. Malacañang is reportedly supporting the resolution… but aside from Cory, President Arroyo is requesting Congress to also declare as national heroes Carlo J. Caparas and Cecile Guidote-Alvarez.

A resolution to declare President Cory Aquino a “national hero” has been filed in Congress. Another resolution will also be filed to officially declare Kris Aquino our “national pastime.”

Kris Aquino revealed that her eldest son Josh told his Tito Noynoy “to please never get married.” Newspaper articles were right. The torch has been passed… Noynoy shall continue the suffering.

In a live interview, Kris Aquino teased the very single GMA 7 news exec Jessica Soho to her bachelor brother Noynoy. Kris has an apparent liking for the journalist… mainly because she reminds her so much of Josh.

At Tuesday’s necrological services, Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay praised Mrs. Aquino for not clinging to power after her term. When Tita Cory heard this, she told God: ‘Yan po ang aking appointee noong 1986 na si Jojo Binay. Mayor pa rin siya hanggang ngayon. Patawarin po ninyo ako.”

There were conflicting reports as to the crowd estimate during the Cory Aquino funeral. According to ABS-CBN News Online, there were 250,000 people. Congressman Rodolfo Plaza believes the number reached 500,000. The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported 150,000. Bro. Eddie Villanueva says 5 million.

Cory’s sister-in-law, former senator Tessie Aquino-Oreta was supposed to take part in the necrological services last Tuesday. Organizers had to decline though because she offered to do a dance number.

Caption of the Weak
Manila Bulletin, August 6, 2009

Briefly Noted Under the Arroyo administration, several journalists were killed. The last five days, it was the journalists’ turn to “kill” Mrs. Arroyo.

Elsewhere…
Who is more powerful than Gabby Lopez and Charo Santos-Concio? Who else but Willie Revillame! Check out this video.

Alyansa ng Filipinong Mamamahayag on Willie Revillame: “For him to demand the removal of the little window screen showing the funeral march of the woman who got ABS-CBN back from Marcos is a blasphemy of democracy, an act despicable as him fucking his own mother.” Here’s the full statement.

There’s an online petition against Willie Revillame. Check it out here.

Newsbreak Online has a piece on local media’s inaccurate reporting.

Did Jamby Madrigal ‘”outmar” Mar Roxas at Cory’s funeral? Here’s a blog report on Jamby’s “shameless” campaigning. Necropolitics anyone?

Survey Says…
Is it possible to have another Cory Aquino in the Philippines?
YES, I still believe in Filipinos: 59%
NO, I’ve lost hope: 30%
Not Sure: 11%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

FAMOUS EPITAPHS (Repost)

PBA09on96369

Top 21 Epitaphs of Local Political and Entertainment Figures
(First published by the Professional Heckler in August 2008; Updated August 2009)

No. 21: Dr. Vicki Belo: “I melt with you.”

No. 20: Madam Auring: “Where she truly belongs.”

No. 19: Sen. Jamby Madrigal: “My relatives were right. Health is wealth.”

No. 18: Sen. Lito Lapid: “Tatagalugin ko na lamang ito para maintindihan ng lahat… I Lab U Ol!”

No. 17: Meralco chairman Manuel Lopez: “May liwanag ang (kabilang) buhay.”

No. 16: Annabelle Rama: “Kagagawan ito ni Wilma Galvante…dong!”

No. 15: Former Press Sec. Ignacio Bunye: “The epitaph you are reading has been edited. In fact, there are two epitaphs. One is fake, the other is the original.”

No. 14: Kris Aquino: “A caring mother. A loving daughter. A loyal wife. Promise, true ‘yan. Ask n‘yo pa si Boy. Ahahahah!”

No. 13: Jose Maria Sison: “In self-exile… forever.”

No. 12: Jocjoc Bolante: “Ready for his final mission: To fertilize the earth.”

No. 11: MILF chairman Al Haj Murad: “Finally… peace.”

No. 10: Legacy founder Celso De Los Angeles: “Ngayon kayo maghabol.”

No. 9: First Gentleman Mike Arroyo: “Veni, vidi, vicky”

No. 8: Pampanga Gov. Ed Panlilio: “Ssssh! Quiet. God is talking to me now.”

No. 7: Bro. Eddie Villanueva: “Five million thanks to all of you.”

No. 6: Sen. Manuel Villar: “Inside his final housing project.”

No. 5: Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay: “Ganito pala sa langit. Sana ganito rin sa Makati.”

No. 4: Sen. Mar Roxas: “Ramdam ko kayo! Ako? Ramdam n’yo?”

No. 3: Joseph Estrada: “That’s all Polk!”

No. 2: Cong. Jose De Venecia: “Reunited with his political career.”

And the No. 1 epitaph of a local political/showbiz figure… (tie)

President Arroyo: “Here lies…”

Mar Roxas: “‘Tang-inaaa! Ano ba ‘toooo!?!”
________
“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”
~Albert Pine

Have a productive week!

MILESTONES

Tita Cory, 76
Former President Maria Corazon Sumulong Cojuangco-Aquino died at 3:18 am, Saturday, August 1, 2009. Ninoy, hindi ka na nag-iisa.

Arroyo and Obama
President Arroyo finally meets with US President Barack Obama in Washington DC Friday morning, Manila time. The conversation lasted 45 minutes but was interrupted 126 times by the applause of the 20 congressmen in her entourage.

Arroyo and Obama II
Malacañang hailed President Arroyo’s meeting with US President Barack Obama as “historic” – mainly because it marked the first time a US president invited a foreign leader to the White House… after previously snubbing her four times.

Lapid & Obama
President Arroyo finally meets with US President Barack Obama in Washington DC Friday. Sen. Lito Lapid, who went along for the trip was disappointed he wasn’t able to meet with the American president. Lapid was nonetheless elated when White House security allowed him to meet with Bo, Obama’s pet dog.

Jamby for President
Sen. Ana Consuelo “Jamby” Abad Santos Madrigal-Valade will run for president in 2010. In case of a win, she vows to double the budget of the PCGG… to fast track the recovery of her wealth from her relatives.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal is running for president in 2010. Insisting she doesn’t have any personal motive, Jamby says her only goal is to faithfully serve all Filipinos… with the exception of her aunts and uncles.

Jamby Madrigal is running for president in 2010. Rumors say she’s now looking for a possible First Lady.

Top 5 Rejected Bumper Stickers for Sen. Jamby Madrigal’s Presidential Campaign

No. 5: Walang kasarian ang paglilingkod-bayan

No. 4: Hindi lang siya puro salita; mas may nagagawa ang kanyang dila

No. 3: Kapag ako ang naging pangulo, bawat Pilipino pamamanahan ko

No. 2: Jamby Madrigal: Mas mayaman kaysa kay Villar; Mas lalaki kaysa kay Mar

And the No. 1 rejected bumper sticker for Sen. Jamby Madrigal’s presidential campaign…

Walang kama-kamag-anak (dahil kaaway ko na silang lahat!)

In Other News…
Cecile Guidote-Alvarez, the executive director of the National Commission for Culture and the Arts, which oversees the selection process of the National Artist Awards (together with the Cultural Center of the Philippines) has been named by President Arroyo as one of the country’s seven new National Artists. Guidote-Alvarez was handpicked for redefining delicadeza in the most artistically bizarre way never before seen by Filipinos.
________________
“Freedom of expression – in particular, freedom of the press – guarantees popular participation in the decisions and actions of government, and popular participation is the essence of our democracy.”
~Corazon Aquino, 1933-2009

Censored
Two stories on a controversial issue involving equally controversial personalities were supposed to be aired by a television program in a major network. The stories were even approved by the network’s legal department. But minutes before airing, people involved in the program received a call from a very high-ranking network official. The network official blocked the airing of both stories. The reason? According to unimpeachable sources, an “influential personality” called up the network boss and demanded that the stories be “killed.” The network official (who’s got everything but balls) acquiesced to the demand. Now that’s censorship! And for a network that trumpets impartiality, independence, and truthfulness on a daily basis, that’s sheer hypocrisy! Boo!

Elsewhere…
See Cory Aquino’s life in photos courtesy of Time.

Check out the Philippine Daily Inquirer’s well-crafted editorial on Cory.

Newsbreak writes about the “shameless selection of National Artists.”

Survey Says…
As she begins her last year in office, how would you rate President Arroyo’s overall performance so far?
Great: 22%
Very Good: 6%
Good: 11%
Fair: 24%
Poor: 37%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Good luck to all high school students who are taking the University of the Philippines College Admission Test (UPCAT) starting today.

As I have written in my Twitter and Facebook accounts, I wouldn’t forget what Teddy Boy Locsin said about Corazon Aquino some 15 years ago, “Kahit ano pang batikos ang ibato n’yo kay Cory Aquino, siya lang ang nag-iisang pangulo na hindi nagnakaw kahit singko sa gobyerno.”