BELO THE BELT

Beauty 101
If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look for Bolante or Mike Arroyo, go to St. Luke’s.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like the Alabang Boys, wear shades.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Manny Villar… that’ll be two Manny Villars? Double na naman?!?

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Bino De La Paz, play golf with the Pangandamans.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Mar Roxas… p*tang-ina, seryoso ka? You wanna look like him?!?

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like a tech-savvy Communist, go to the Netherlands and give orders to your army via the Internet.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Jinggoy and Joseph Estrada, go to Ateneo.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Mike Enriquez, go to La Salle.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look invincible despite allegations of massive corruption? Go to hell!

Vicki vs. Boy
Interviewed on Showbiz Central last Sunday, Dr. Vicki Belo quipped, “If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. But if you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo.” Boy Abunda felt insulted, and was hurt and shocked… mainly because the remark came from the same person who started his deterioration.

Vicki vs. Boy II
A (self-serving) survey conducted by ABS-CBN’s Showbiz News Ngayon on Tuesday night asked, “Amid the rivalry between Drs. Vicki Belo and Manny Calayan, kanino ka pupunta? (A) Belo (B) Calayan (C) None. The economy is so bad, the voters actually picked Ellen Lising. (‘Sing chaka pero ‘di ‘sing mahal!)

Vicki vs. Boy III
In response to Dr. Vicki Belo’s controversial remark, Dr. Manny Calayan said, “There’s a simple reason to our ‘To C is to believe’ campaign and that’s more about inner beauty that’s from a good and sincere heart like Boy Abunda which transcends outward a person’s life and touches other’s people’s lives. And through that inner beauty, we see and believe in the beauty of other people and we believe in their goodness.”
For that statement alone, Dr. Manny Calayan automatically earned a Top 10 spot in next week’s Bb. Pilipinas pageant!

Vicki vs. Boy IV
Addressing Dr. Vicki Belo’s “insulting” remark, TV host Boy Abunda said, “We had more good times than bad. This is not the Vicki I know.” That was the same sentiment echoed by Vicki Belo’s… mirrors.
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Survey Says…
Did you play the Super Lotto last week?
Results:
Yes: 43%
No: 39%
No need. I’m rich!: 14%
Bawal sa sekta ko: 3%
Others: 1%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.
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“People say I’m extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?”
~Imelda Marcos

WINNERS/LOSERS

The Oscars
“Slumdog Millionaire” won Best Picture in the 81st Oscar Awards. It tells the story of a young man from Mumbai, India who became a millionaire after joining a tv game show. After watching him, we learned how he survived poverty, his love for family and a quest for true love. If a similar film would be made here, viewers would learn how to do Kagat Labi, Itaktak Mo, Hep-Hep Hooray, and Boom Tarat.

“Slumdog Millionaire” won Best Picture in the 81st Oscar Awards. It tells the story of a young man from Mumbai who became a millionaire after joining a tv game show. It’s that simple. But the story happened in India. If that boy were Filipino, he’ll be dead in Ultra before he could even play.

Oscar is now 81 years old. That qualifies him for the post of Senate president.

Kate Winslet won Best Actress for the movie “The Reader.” Just so you know, she has lost several times in the past that’s why her triumph after six missed chances inspired so many people… including Oliver Lozano, Eddie Gil, and Manuel Morato.

The late Heath Ledger won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor a year after he died of a drug overdose. When my self-proclaimed Pinoy film enthusiast sexagenarian neighbor heard the news, she exclaimed, “Hay naku! Wala ‘yan kay Ate Guy ‘noh! Mas marami siyang acting awards at never pa siyang na-overdose!”

For his demented reinvention of Batman villain the Joker, Heath Ledger won a posthumous award for Best Supporting Actor. When Sen. Lito Lapid heard this, he said, “Ang suwerte naman niya. Ako, hindi pa nananalo.” A Senate reporter then reminded him, “Senator, nanalo ka na before sa FAP for Lapu-Lapu! Best Actor pa!” Lapid replied, “Tanga! Hindi ‘yon. Ang gusto kong mapanalunan ‘yong posthumous award!”

Japan’s entry won in the Foreign Language Film category. Titled “Departures,” it depicts the esoteric practices of a mortician who works to preserve the dignity of a person… something similar to what Belo, Calayan, and Ellen Lising do!

Briefly Noted
Did you get to see A.R. Rahman when he interpreted the winning song? For a brief moment, I thought he was our very own standup comic Chocoleit.

The Super Lotto Draw
Just like thousands of Filipinos who placed a bet on Sunday’s Super Lotto draw where a whopping P347M jackpot was at stake, the Professional Heckler lost. Frustrating! Now I know how Sen. Mar Roxas must have felt when he spent hundreds of thousands, if not millions of pesos in TV & radio ads and still failed to penetrate the top 5 preferred presidential candidates in both the SWS and Pulse Asia surveys.

The Super Lotto Draw II
Only two bettors hit the more than P347 million Super Lotto jackpot on Sunday night. The Professional Heckler was among thousands who placed a bet and lost. Frustrating! Now I know how Eduardo De Luna and six other contractors must have felt when the World Bank banned them.

GMA 7’s New Series
GMA Network has begun airing its latest primetime series. It is called “Totoy Bato.” Nope, the series is not about the Alabang Boys.

Up Next
I won’t write about this issue now. I want you to be familiar with the “battle” first. Click here to watch.
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“Fifteen career Oscar nominations. That’s a record. I hate to say it but when someone puts up numbers like that, it’s just hard not to think steroids.” — Host Hugh Jackman to Meryl Streep during the opening of the 81st Academy Awards show

JUST GOT LUCKY

Lotto Draw
Tonight, a lucky super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos, the biggest lottery prize in Philippine history. And in case you’re wondering how it feels like to win such ginormous amount, just imagine a congressman winning three consecutive House terms.

Lotto Draw II
The biggest lottery prize in Philippine history is up for grabs tonight: a super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos! And in case you’re wondering how it feels like to win such ginormous amount, just imagine four DOJ prosecutors dismissing six drug-related charges against nine Alabang Boys.

Lotto Draw III
Tonight, a lucky super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos, the biggest lottery prize in Philippine history. And in case you’re wondering how it feels like to win such ginormous amount, imagine Jocjoc Bolante disbursing half of the controversial fertilizer funds.

Lotto Draw IV
The biggest lottery prize in Philippine history is up for grabs tonight: a super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos! And in case you’re wondering how it feels like to win such ginormous amount, imagine the Euro generals attending an Interpol conference in Russia 47 times.

Lotto Draw IV
Tonight, a lucky super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos, the biggest lottery prize in Philippine history. And in case you’re wondering how it feels like to win such ginormous amount, imagine E.C. De Luna Construction winning three World Bank-funded projects.

Lotto Draw V
The biggest lottery prize in Philippine history is up for grabs tonight: a super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos! And in case you’re wondering how it feels like to win such ginormous amount, imagine you’re the First Gentleman and you’re friends with Eduardo De Luna who won at least 22 World Bank-funded projects.

Lotto Draw VI
Later, a lucky super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos, the biggest lottery prize in history. And in case you’re wondering how it feels like to win such ginormous amount, imagine Dr. Hayden Kho the first time Dr. Vicki Belo said yes to him.

Lotto Draw VII
Tonight, a lucky super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos, the biggest lottery prize in Philippine history. NBN Channel 4 is also hoping to establish a new record – its highest television ratings in years.

Lotto Draw VIII
The biggest lottery prize in Philippine history is up for grabs tonight: a super lotto bettor could win as much as 330 million pesos! And in case you’re wondering how it feels like to win such ginormous amount, don’t just sit there! Go out and bet! (When I’m done with this blog post, I’ll gonna go out and buy a ticket!)

In Other News…
Ness Remarries
I guess you’ve heard the news. Parañaque City councilor Alma Moreno has remarried. She wed Marawi City mayor Sultan Fahad “Pre” Salic. From Mayor “Tsong” of Luzon to Mayor “Pre” of Mindanao. Believe me, Mayor “Tol” of Visayas is next.

Belo Sued
A US-based 50-year-old woman has sued well-known cosmetic surgeon Dr. Vicki Belo after her face became swollen following an alleged bungled cosmetic procedure… something that was not really surprising considering how Belo failed to perfect a similar procedure on her own face.

Survey Says…
Where should Lance Corporal Daniel Smith be detained?
Results:
US Embassy: 42%
New Bilibid Prisons: 40%
I have a place: 13%
Others: 5%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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“I wasn’t lucky. I deserved it.”
~Margaret Thatcher

MEN OF SUBSTANCE 2

Top 10 Shocking Findings of the Independent Probe Conducted on the Alabang Boys Bribery Scandal

10: The Alabang Boys were actually fraternal triplets.

9: When Alabang boy Jorge Joseph (son of Johnny Midnight) was nabbed by PDEA agents, he was carrying three liters of toning water.

8: Tim Yap and his Embassy friends are regular visitors of the Alabang Boys at the PDEA detention cell bringing with them big placards that say: “Justice for the Alabang Boys, Justice for All Social Users!”

7: The parents of the Alabang Boys were loyal clients of DOJ Prosecutor John Resado’s lending business.

6: The controversial DOJ letterhead where the release order was drafted by one of the lawyers of the Alabang Boys (for the DOJ Secretary to sign) is being sold in Recto Avenue, Manila for years.

5: There was a fourth Alabang Boy, and a fifth, a sixth, a seventh, an eight, a ninth, a 10th, an 11th, a 12th, a 13th, a 14th and so on. They’re just out there.

4: A surprise witness, Clarissa Ocampo claimed she was one foot away when a relative of one of the Alabang Boys deposited the bribe money to the bank account of DOJ prosecutor John Resado.

3: The Alabang Boys attempted to bribe DOJ Secretary Raul Gonzales with a year-long supply of Viagra. He felt insulted and didn’t sign the release order.

2: When one of the Alabang Boys was chased during the buy-bust operation, he tried to seek refuge at the St. Luke’s Medical Center (clasping his chest), but PDEA agents caught him before he could reach the hospital.

And the No. 1 shocking finding of the independent probe conducted on the Alabang Boys bribery scandal…

1: This is a high-profile scandal, right? But guess what? The Alabang Boys were not Ateneans!

In Other News…
Japanese finance minister Shoichi Nakagawa is stepping down following reports that he was drunk at a recent G-7 news conference in Rome. In announcing his plan to quit, Nakagawa said, “I have caused trouble to the people.” If Filipino politicians were to emulate Nakagawa, we’d be a leaderless nation right now.

Citibank Client Goes Berserk?
Is this for real? You be the judge.

R&B: Rhythm and Bloodied
Here’s a photo of R&B artist Rihanna after being assaulted by boyfriend Chris Brown.
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“A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying… that he is wiser today than yesterday.”
~Jonathan Swift

BECAUSE THE BABY IS NOW A DADDY

Thirteen-Year-Old Dad
Of course you’ve heard about Alfie Patten, the 13-year-old British boy who became a father at age 13. Rumors say the CBCP is inviting him to the Philippines to become the Church’ spokesperson against the Reproductive Health Bill.

First, there was the octuplets mom. And now, we have this 13-year-old daddy. The Catholic Church is on a winning streak!

Everyone’s talking about Alfie Patten, the baby-faced boy from Great Britain who became a father at 13. His parents admit he cannot raise the child on his own. When the shocking news circulated around the globe, some famous personalities couldn’t help but react. Angelina Jolie said she wanted to adopt the baby. Madonna said she wanted to adopt the baby. Vicki Belo said she wanted to adopt Alfie. Awrr!

Have you heard the news? Great Britain has just officially declared recession. It’s economy is so bad little Alfie couldn’t even buy a condom!

Here’s a photo of 13-year-old Alfie Patten with his new baby Maisie. The girl in black is the baby’s mother Chantelle otherwise known in Great Britain as “Demi Moore.”

Bacani vs. Durex
Retired Novaliches bishop Teodoro Bacani Jr. scored condom maker Durex for its publicity gimmick to recruit “condom testers” by offering them cash prizes. Bacani is angry at Durex because the first time he secretly joined the contest, no cash reward was given.

Metro Pacific & Hospitals
In 2007, Manny Pangilinan and his Metro Pacific Group took over Makati Medical Center. Then yesterday, it was reported that Metro Pacific was taking over Cardinal Santos Medical Center. Heard about the latest development today? Corrupt Ateneans with heart ailments are taking over St. Luke’s Medical Center.

Chris Brown Apologizes
Following his arrest last week for assault and making a criminal threat, R&B singing sensation Chris Brown said he was “sorry and saddened” by what happened. Until now however, the identity of the alleged victim has not been made public… although political observers are certain he or she does not belong to the De La Paz family. Otherwise, a first hand account of the incident would have been circulated on the Internet.

Senator JDV?
Former House Speaker Jose De Venecia said he would run for the Senate in 2010 if it would help propagate his “advocacy to fight corruption and poverty.” And that ladies and gentlemen is the funniest item in today’s blog post. No punchline needed.

Elsewhere…
Caught on tape: Woman misses flight at a Hong Kong airport, she goes into hysterics
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“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”
~Matt Barry

LOVE IN THE TIME OF POLITICS

Top 10 Political Valentine Card Messages

10. To Lance Corporal Daniel Smith
From New Bilibid Prisons Inmates

Roses are red
Violets are blue
We’re so excited
Can’t wait for you.

9. To The Senate
From Jocjoc Bolante

How do I lie thee?
Let me count the ways.

8. To the Three Alabang Boys
From PDEA Director Dionisio Santiago

O, drug dealers na makapangyarihan
Sampung prosecutors ang nasasaklawan
Kapag pumasok kayo saan mang kulungan
Susuhulan lahat lumaya ka lamang.

7. To DOJ Prosecutor John Resado
From The Alabang Boys

Thank you for tryin’
we appreciate it
Just return our money
or get mired in deep shit.

6. To All German Nationals in the Philippines
From Sen. Lito Lapid with Love on Valentine’s Day

Penpen de sarapen
De kutsilyo de almasen
Haw haw de carabao
De van hauten.

5. To Loren
From Your ex, Tony Leviste

All alone in my cell, I think of you my darling
Will you visit me today for an hour of canoodling?
I’ve got a bed, two soft pillows, and a tv set to boot
I vow to be gentle, I promise not to shoot!

4. To Ping and Jamby
From Manny Villar

On Valentine’s Day I forgive, I forget
Just stop the big fuss about the C-5 budget
Double insertion? Did you say I’m guilty?
My wife’s a billionaire so that’s a baloney!

3. To Korina
From Mar Roxas

Thanks for the support oh my dearest one
Next year, I promise, we’ll be in Malacañang
“First Lady” of the land, isn’t that what you wanted?
And I, your President, ‘tang ina, I’m excited!

2. To The World Bank and the Senate
From First Gentleman Mike Arroyo

On this day of hearts, I appeal to thee
My heart is so weak, so please have some mercy
Hearsay! Malicious! The reports are baseless
Even if you ask Merceditas Gutierrez!

And the No. 1 Political Valentine Card Message…

1. To President Arroyo
From US President Barack Obama

I really am sorry for ignoring you dear
I just don’t feel comfy whenever you’re near
My target is to make the U.S.A. better
While your only goal is to change a Charter!
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Another New York Plane Crash
A Continental Express plane with 48 people aboard crashed into a Buffalo home in upstate New York. But here’s a more shocking revelation. Unknown to everyone, during US President Barack Obama’s inauguration, a commercial plane ran out of gas while flying over Washington DC. Luckily, the pilot safely landed the aircraft… on Aretha Franklin’s hat.

Paule in Pasay
Remember businessman Jaime Paule? The alleged bagman in the P728M fertilizer fund scam who was ordered arrested by the Senate at the St. Luke’s Medical Center is now detained at the Pasay City jail. Isn’t that a double whammy? Makukulong ka na nga lang sa Pasay City Jail pa! And did you see the detention cell? That’s not a jail man. That’s a cage!

Australian Wildfires
Australian authorities have arrested an arson suspect responsible for the wildfires that have so far killed 181 people and left thousands homeless. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the suspect was arrested at the St. Luke’s Medical Center.

Elsewhere…
Check out the fascinating story about a boy who fathered a child at 13.
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Survey Says…
Are you going out on a romantic date on Valentine’s Day?
Results:
No: 36%
Date? What date?! : 32%
Hopefully: 18%
Yes: 14%
Others: 1%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.
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“Minamalat na naman ang puso ko. Pa’no kasi, laging isinisigaw ang pangalan mo.”
~Filipino Pick-up Line

BAD

The First Gentleman
First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo finally broke his silence on his alleged involvement in the World Bank road projects controversy. In an exclusive chance interview with GMA News, Attorney Arroyo said, “Of course not. It’s not true. Hearsay lang ‘yan.” Again, that was Mr. Arroyo speaking… not Miriam Defensor-Santiago, not Juan Ponce Enrile, not Joker Arroyo. Mabuti na’ng malinaw.

In a chance interview with GMA 7’s Joseph Morong outside the St. Luke’s Medical Center, First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo categorically denied his alleged involvement in the World Bank-funded road projects controversy. The reporter tried to obtain more info from Attorney Arroyo but his doctors had to intervene because every time the First Gentleman talks, his blood pressure shoots up, his skin turns pale, and his nose grows a centimeter longer.

GMA News was able to interview First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo on his alleged involvement in the World Bank road projects mess. Attorney Arroyo admitted that he knew Eduardo De Luna of the blacklisted E.C. Construction Corporation. When the reporter asked how much he knew the guy, he replied, “Five percent.”

According to his lawyer Ruy Rondain, he is not sure whether First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo’s doctors would allow him to attend the Senate hearing, but explained that Attorney Arroyo could play golf “because this is not stressful” – unless of course he overtakes the Pangandamans in the fairway.

GMA News was able to interview First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo outside the St. Luke’s Medical Center yesterday. With all the allegations being hurled against him, Attorney Arroyo admitted that he was angry… but not as angry as ABS-CBN News boss Maria Ressa who refused to accept her reporter’s excuse why GMA 7 outscooped them.

The Economy Is So Bad…
You’ve probably heard this. Electronics company Amkor Technology Inc. has laid off 1,500 workers from its two plants in Muntinlupa and Sta. Rosa. Also last week, Fujitsu Philippines confirmed it would lay off hundreds of workers from its disk manufacturing plants in Laguna and Batangas. The economy is so bad FedEx has closed its facility in Subic; Intel has closed its factory in Cavite, and Barack Obama has closed his doors on GMA.

The economy is so bad First Gentleman Mike Arroyo has agreed to lower his commission to 3 percent.

The economy is so bad newly-appointed Comelec commissioner Atty. Elias Yusoph cannot even buy a razor to shave.

The economy is so bad Celso De Los Angeles is now selling his soul to the devil just to settle his obligations.

The economy is so bad the devil declined due to bankruptcy.

The economy is so bad other DOJ prosecutors have started their own lending businesses.

The economy is so bad the Alabang Boys have switched from Ecstasy to Biogesic.

The economy is so bad Sen. Lito Lapid is riding a horse to the Senate.

The economy is so bad ABS-CBN cannot even send a reporter to St. Luke’s Hospital to interview Attorney Mike Arroyo.

The economy is so bad GMA 7 has to “steal” a song from Gary Granada.

The economy is so bad TV5’s resigned executive Christopher Sy actually earned thrice more than his network did last year.

FedEx’s facility has closed. Intel’s facility has closed. The economy is so damn bad not even another surgery could stop Vicki Belo’s left eye from closing.

On second thought, the economy may not be that bad at all… because from being a “palengke person,” Mar Roxas is now a pharmacist.

The Legacy Group
The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas branded the Legacy Group of Companies owned by Celso de los Angeles as an organized syndicate, probably the second largest of its kind… next only to Philippine Congress.
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“Denial. It’s not just a river in Egypt. It’s a freakin’ ocean.”
~Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

HELLO, MIKE TEST

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Top 5 Ways to Convince First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo to Attend the Senate Hearing On the World Bank-funded Road Projects Controversy

5: The Ateneo Blue Babble Battalion, his alma mater’s pep squad will be there to cheer him on.

4: The Senate will sponsor a yearlong free medical check up at any hospital of his choice plus a lifetime supply of Imodium or Diatabs.

3: He will be asked only four questions and these are: (1) Is it the truth? (2) Is it fair to all concerned? (3) Will it build goodwill and better friendships? (4) Will it be beneficial to all concerned? Then he could leave the Senate.

2: The only senators who will be allowed to ask questions are Lito Lapid and Bong Revilla.

And the No. 1 way to convince First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo to attend the Senate hearing on the World Bank-funded road projects controversy…

1: For every hour that he spends at the Senate, he gets 5 percent of each senator’s pork barrel allocation.

(Note: This post was featured on TV5’s The Evening News last February 9.)
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Survey Says
What showbiz-oriented talk show do you prefer watching?
Results
The Buzz: 53%
Startalk: 17%
Showbiz Central: 16%
Entertainment Live: 12%
Others: 2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.
Have a productive week!

COLLUSION

The World Bank Document
Sen. Panfilo Lacson claims to have read a World Bank report on blacklisted construction firms and some powerful personalities allegedly involved in rigged biddings. Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago says she has also have received a copy of the World Bank document but maintains that no names were mentioned in the report. The existence of two copies has prompted the Senate to check on rumors they originated from the office of former Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye.

The First Gentleman
According to Sen. Panfilo Lacson, the World Bank Report has implicated the First Gentleman to collusion in rigged biddings. The president’s husband reportedly asked for 5 percent commission for every rigged bid. When the First Gentleman heard this, he said, “Ridiculous! I would never ever settle for anything less than 10 percent!”

Summons
The latest news is that senate committee on economic affairs chair Miriam Defensor-Santiago has summoned several persons implicated by Senator Lacson in the alleged collusion between construction firms blacklisted by the World Bank. They included First Gentleman Mike Arroyo, former congressmen Prospero Pichay and Jacinto Paras, Florante Soriquez, former secretary of the Department of Public Works and Highways; and Lope Adriano, Tito Miranda and Boy Belleza, project director, assistant director and alleged broker, respectively, of the DPWH. In short, senators, congressmen, DPWH officials & brokers, and the First Gentleman will be together in one room. Representatives of the Guinness World Records will also attend the hearing to authenticate this latest attempt from the Philippines to establish a new record for the biggest gathering of high-profile thieves ever.

First Gentleman Mike Arroyo’s lawyer Ruy Rondain says Mr. Arroyo’s probable appearance in the Senate probe would largely depend on the advice of his doctors. At press time, doctors are giving him a 5 percent chance.

Special Probe
Sen. Mar Roxas has proposed the appointment of a ‘special prosecutor’ to handle exclusively the investigation into Mr. Arroyo’s alleged involvement in irregularities in public works projects. Other senators turned down Roxas’ proposal because of cost implications. You know, in this country, prosecutors cost at least 800,000 pesos.

“Unethical”
Senate committee on ethics chair Panfilo Lacson has implicated the late former senator Robert Barbers in the World Bank controversy. His sons, Robert Ace and Robert Dean called it “unethical.” Robert Dean added that his father was “full of integrity,” meaning… Robert Dean has not heard the complete “Hello Garci” tapes.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago has invited the First Gentleman and former congressmen Prospero Pichay and Jacinto Paras to attend the senate hearing on the alleged collusion between construction firms blacklisted by the World Bank. When a foreign correspondent asked Santiago why she didn’t summon “a former senator named Robert Barbers,” Sen. Lito Lapid interrupted and said, “Tanga ka ba? It’s unethical!”

Ninoy’s Killers Freed
Two convicted killers of former senator Benigno “Ninoy’ Aquino Jr. were released Friday after they were deemed to have served out their sentence. Public Attorneys Office chief Atty. Persida Rueda-Acosta is hopeful the 10 remaining convicted soldiers will be freed next. The Aquino family is now convinced Attorney Rueda-Acosta is indeed a closet Marcos loyalist.

What’s the difference between a freed Ninoy killer and Sen. Lito Lapid? The killer is able to complete a sentence.
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“The more corrupt the state, the more laws.”
~ Publius Cornelius Tacitus

LEGACY

Broke?
The Legacy Group’s 13 rural banks, which have a combined deposit of P14.03 billion closed just before Christmas last year for being insolvent. Legacy’s pre-need firms that have some 50,000 plan holders have also ceased operations. Legacy Group founder Celso De Los Angeles Jr., a mayor of Santo Domingo, Albay has likewise been selling properties following the collapse of his businesses. Concerned residents of Santo Domingo are calling on the provincial government to check on rumors their municipal hall is now up for sale.

Celso De Los Angeles Jr. admitted that Legacy owed investors 1 billion pesos to pay back the “principal,” which would balloon to 2.5 billion pesos based on the arrangement that the company would double their money. Asked by reporters how Legacy would pay its obligations, De los Angeles said, “Give me six more terms as mayor.”

Legacy Group’s banks have closed and its pre-need firms have ceased operations. Celso De Los Angeles Jr. is so broke he plans to borrow money from DOJ Prosecutor John Resado.

Legacy Group’s banks have closed and its pre-need firms have ceased operations. Celso De Los Angeles Jr. is so broke he wished he were a state prosecutor instead.

During the Senate hearing, Sen. Mar Roxas criticized Legacy Group’s “double-your-money-scheme,” to which Sen. Manny Villar said, “O, ba’t nakatingin ka sa akin? Wala akong alam d’yan huh!”

Celso De Los Angeles Jr. claimed that House Speaker Prospero Nograles also lost some 18 to 20 million pesos as a Legacy Group investor. Finally, some good news.

Binay’s Biopic
Reports say a film on the life of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay is underway. This early though, the writer is having a difficult time adding spice and variety to the script… because all his life Binay has been mayor of Makati City.

Binay’s Biopic II
True: Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay is financing the production of his film bio. Not true: the film will be called “The Dark Knight Too.”

Another rumor: Mar Roxas is also producing his own biopic. The rumored title: Magnum P.I. (Ninyong Lahat!)

And another unconfirmed report: Manny Villar is starring in his own film bio. It promises to be an action-packed movie, but Villar assures, “I will do all the scenes. Promise, walang double.”

And finally, there’s no truth to rumors that Loren Legarda has reconciled with ex-hubby, Jose Antonio Leviste for her planned remake of a Nora Aunor classic. The movie? Bulaklak ng City Jail.

The Case of the “Alabang Boys”
The Court of Appeals (CA) Special 13th Division, through Associate Justice Monina Zenarosa junked the petition for habeas corpus filed by relatives of the “Alabang Boys” – Richard Brodett, Jorge Joseph, and Joseph Tecson. That means they will remain in detention until the DOJ has ruled on their case. The boys’ relatives are now blaming one another for the dismissal of the petition. An enraged kin was heard saying, “I told you to include the CA in the budget! Hindi kayo nakinig!”

With the appellate court’s latest ruling, Richard Brodett will remain in detention at the PDEA headquarters until the DOJ has ruled on their case. That’s really bad news for his mother Myra who’ll be forced to travel to Sagada herself to buy the “stuff.”

And the latest buzz… Because of their popularity at high-end party joints, the Alabang Boys have just been offered three endorsement deals. Yup, they are the new endorsers of Ray-Ban, Rudy Project, and Oakley.

And lastly, apparently inspired by Mayor Jojo Binay, the Alabang Boys will produce their own biopic as soon as they are set free. Here are the Top 7 suggested titles submitted by PDEA agents but were rejected by the boys’ relatives:

7: Babangon Ako’t Dudrugahin Kita

6: Confessions of A Cokeaholic

5: Bribe and Prejudice

4: WALL- E (Filipino Subtitle: Si Wall, Ang Robot na Addict sa Ecstasy)

3: Harry Tooter and the Prisoners of Alabang

2: Quantum of Suhol

And the No. 1 PDEA-suggested title for the Alabang Boys’ biopic…

1: Major Marcelino:Alabang Boys:Resado Subtitle: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Postscript to a Road Rage
The Office of the Solicitor General found Philip Salvador guilty of estafa two days after the actor punched a bus driver along Edsa. Salvador insists, “Mabilis talaga ang bus.” Mas mabilis ang karma.

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“Whoever is detected in a shameful fraud is ever after not believed even if they speak the truth.”
~Phaedrus

ANOMALOUS

Road Mess
The World Bank identified seven contractors who allegedly manipulated three biddings for road projects worth $33 million it had offered to finance; it also linked politicians and government officials to the manipulation. Apparently, the politicians and the government officials were not named in the four-page report; otherwise, it wouldn’t just be four pages but forty.

Road Mess II
Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago said she would call another hearing on the “road mess” if Sen. Panfilo Lacson could present his witness on the alleged P70-million bribe given by contractors to a powerful person close to Malacañang holding office at LTA Building in Makati City. Santiago gave Lacson two weeks to present his witness. Malacañang gave Mike Defensor three weeks to neutralize the same witness.

Impeached!
I am not sure if you’ve been following the story of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich. He tries to sell a vacant Senate seat, gets impeached, and his term as governor ends. In the Philippines, someone tries to sell the nation’s sovereignty, never got impeached, and her advisers even propose an extended term.

Lapid’s Bill
Sen. Lito Lapid has filed a bill that would promote the official use of the Filipino language during Senate deliberations. That’s understandable. As you may have heard, Lapid is the third or fourth biggest spender in the Senate. Almost half of his budget is spent on English translators.

Sold!
You’ve probably heard this. PLDT’s Mediaquest Holdings has acquired 87.5 percent of the Philippine Star. Isn’t that an insult to the Philippine Daily Inquirer? The PDI is having a hard time selling an advertising space and yet, the Philippine Star almost sold everything!

Tribune Sued
Development Bank of the Philippines Chairman Patricia Sto. Tomas filed a libel case against Niñez Cacho-Olivares, editor-in-chief of the opposition paper, The Daily Tribune and its columnist former senator Ernesto Maceda over the former senator’s claim that Sto. Tomas received a P10 million Christmas bonus from the DBP. Lawyers for the Daily Tribune are seeking the dismissal of the case saying Sto. Tomas’ reputation is still intact considering the broadsheet’s almost zero readership daily.

Octuplets
As we all know, a 33-year-old woman gave birth to eight babies in Southern California last week, the world’s second live-born set of octuplets. Attending physicians described the birth as a “phenomenon.” The Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines described the woman as a “role model.”

Survey Says…
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“A government, for protecting business only, is but a carcass, and soon falls by its own corruption and decay.”
~Amos Bronson Alcott