DAMAGED IMAGE

Top 5 Ways DOJ Prosecutor John Resado Can Improve His Public Image

5: Agree to fight Ricky Hatton or Floyd Mayweather Jr.

4: Organize an Anti-Drug Abuse Party to be attended by all PDEA agents and DOJ prosecutors at the Embassy Super Club.

3: Play golf at the Valley Golf and Country Club; argue with the Pangandamans; allow himself to be beaten black and blue, and then blog about it.

2: Start dressing up like Bebe Gandanghari and announce on TV that “John Resado is dead.”

And the No. 1 way DOJ Prosecutor John Resado can improve his public image…

1: Offer loan packages at zero percent interest.

THE PROSECUTOR

Postscript to a Bank Deposit
Believe it or not, I received an anonymous letter last night. The letter, signed by a certain Juan De La Cruz asked why haven’t I heckled embattled DOJ prosecutor John Resado.

The moment I opened the letter, I knew it was authentic… mainly because it was not written on a DOJ letterhead.

DOJ Prosecutor John Resado denied accepting bribe money and insisted that the 800,000 pesos he deposited at BDO on the same the day he signed a resolution dismissing the case against the Alabang Boys came from his lending business in the Camiling Public Market in Tarlac. The unusually huge amount has prompted the Department of Foreign Affairs to verify reports that Resado is an overstaying Indian national.

Have you seen or heard DOJ Prosecutor John Resado speak on TV. Geez! He must be telling the truth. Nahh, not about the bribery scandal. Mukha talaga siyang lalaking nagpapautang sa palengke.

Now, here’s the latest on John Resado. In the event that he’s disbarred by the Supreme Court, he’s reportedly planning to run for public office in Camiling in 2010. His campaign slogan? “Ang totoong Mr. Palengke.”

Intel Outside
You’ve probably heard this: some 1,800 Intel employees will be laid-off soon because the world’s biggest computer chip maker is shutting down its facility in Cavite. Soon-to-be jobless employees are seeking the advice of DOJ Prosecutor John Resado on how to start a lending business.

Jobless Pinoys
Sen. Edgardo Angara says close to 60,000 Filipinos could lose their jobs abroad due to the global recession. When Sen. Manuel Villar heard this, he told his staff, “Great! Marami na naman akong sasalubungin. Ihanda ang camera!”

Loren’s Life?
Reports say Sen. Loren Legarda is launching a new coffee table book. Titled “Loren: A Celebration of Life and Nature”, the picture book is said to be a compilation of Loren’s beliefs, principles, thoughts, and advocacies on women, children, the environment, governance and nature. In short, election paraphernalia.

Sen. Loren Legarda is launching a coffee table book in time for her 49th birthday. Titled “Loren: A Celebration of Life and Nature,” the 200-page picture book is reportedly a compilation of Loren’s thoughts and beliefs on women, children, governance and nature, which has evolved throughout her 30 years as a broadcast journalist, daughter, mother, friend, sister and two-termer senator. Again, that’s two-termer, not two-timer.

Sen. Loren Legarda turns 49 on January 28. Can you believe that? One more year and she’ll be 50… or as Hayden Kho would call it, “girlfriend material.”

PBA Finals
Talk ‘N Text and Alaska will slug it out for the championship of the PBA Philippine Cup. They used to refer to it as the “All-Filipino Cup”… until ordinary fans noticed the only genuine Filipinos left inside the court were the referees.

Elsewhere…

Newsbreak has something “juicy” on Chief Justice Reynato Puno and an item on the alleged rift between the Ombudsman and the DOJ chief.

Know more about Pseudomonas aeruginosa, the bacterium that killed Brazilian model Mariana Bridi da Costa.

__________
“An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.”
~George Orwell

OBAMA MANIA

Local Obama
Last November, supporters of Jejomar Binay hailed the Makati City mayor as the Philippines’ Barack Obama. Last week though, deposed president Joseph Estrada’s spokesperson Margaux Salcedo said, “If there is anybody who we can call Barack Obama of the Philippines, it would [be] former President Estrada.” I think Salcedo was being humble though. Erap actually has the complete package: Obama’s charisma, Clinton’s sex appeal, and of course, Bush’s brains.

Supporters of Jojo Binay say he is this country’s Barack Obama, and Erap’s spokesperson believes the ex-president is the Philippines’ Barack Obama. Asked if she could also be our own Obama, presidential contender, Loren Legarda said, “I don’t know. Basta ang alam ko, I used to be married to a Dick Cheney.”

Take Two
Barack Obama had to take his oath of office twice because of a mistake committed by US Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts during the inauguration. Some people are making a big fuss out of Roberts’ flub. But you know what? That’s really nothing. Roberts only got the words wrong; Hilario Davide got the wrong president.

Recorded
A classical performance by four acclaimed musicians: cellist Yo-Yo Ma, violinist Itzhak Perlman, pianist Gabriella Montero, and clarinetist Anthony McGill during the Obama inauguration turned out to be pre-recorded. Carole Florman, a spokeswoman for the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies, said the weather was too cold for the instruments to stay in tune. Irate fans believe Yo-Yo Ma’s Chinese parents had a hand in the “fake performance.”

Trillanes’ Expenses
A Commission on Audit report obtained by the Philippine Star showed that detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than half a million pesos for travel in the six months after his election in 2007. That was really surprising because the last time we all saw him out of jail, he was making his way on foot from Makati City Hall to The Manila Peninsula. Where is the travel expense in that?

According to the Commission on Audit, detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than half a million pesos for travel in the six months after his election in 2007. Visibly surprised by the COA report, new age guru Jaime Licauco said, “While it’s always possible for the senator to do astral travel, there was absolutely no need for him to spend a single centavo for that.”

Ateneo Turns 150
Ateneo De Manila University kicked off the celebration of its sesquicentennial or 150th year last week. Yup, Ateneo is 150 years old, and it shows! Then, they had the likes of Jose Rizal, Juan Luna, and Gregorio Del Pilar; today, you have the Jocelyn Bolantes, the Jose Miguel Arroyos, the Celso de los Angeleses, and the Jinggoys and Joseph Estradas.

Palparan’s Return?
Malacañang is considering former retired military general Jovito Palparan for a post in the Dangerous Drugs Board. Sought for a reaction on his impending appointment, Palparan said, “I hate Reds, alam n’yo ‘yan. Kaya ‘yong mapupula ang mata d’yan, magbago na kayo! Or else…”

The Vatican Online
You’ve probably heard about this. Pope Benedict XVI has launched his own YouTube Channel. The site is expected to become the second favorite among Catholic priests… next only to the YouTube channel of the Jonas Brothers.

Again, Belo
Brokenhearted and still hurting from her break up with the 28-year-young Hayden Kho, 53-year-old cosmetic surgery expert Vicki Belo is reportedly spending some time alone overseas to “soul search.” But considering the extent of what she has done to her whole body, I wonder if there’s still a “soul” out there who’s willing to take it.

Record-Breakers
A 39-year-old Thai woman established a new world record by spending 33 days with 5000 scorpions. Back here, a Batasan Complex security guard is trying to establish his own record by mingling and spending three years with 238 crocodiles.

Personal
I’d like to thank Philippine Star columnist William Esposo a.k.a. Chair Wrecker for the flattering write up on “The Professional Heckler” today January 25, 2009.

Survey Says…
What local news program do you prefer?
News on Q: 26%
24 Oras: 24%
TV Patrol: 17%
Newswatch: 11%
Bandila: 8 %
News Central: 5%
T.E.N.: 4%
Saksi: 2%
Others: 3%

We have a new survey. Vote now.

__________
“Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people.”
~Nido Qubein

REVAMP

Cabinet Shakeup
President Arroyo has revamped her Cabinet. Asked if the reshuffle would make a difference in government, she replied, “Change? Yes we can!”

Have you heard about the latest changes in the Arroyo government? Remonde is the new press secretary; Dureza is the new chief presidential legal adviser; Ebdane is the new PMS chief; Razon is the new peace adviser, and the DOJ has a new letterhead.

Here’s a piece of good news: The articulate and amiable Cerge Remonde is the new press secretary. The bad news? Weekly press conferences will now be conducted in Cebuano.

The good news: Jesus Dureza still has a job after his appointment as the new chief presidential legal adviser. The bad news? He’s been barred from leading the prayer in all government meetings, activities, and functions.

Heckler’s Pick 2

Movie: Bribe Wars
Genre: Romantic Thriller
Director: Siraul Gonzaless
Rating: PG-13 for Drug-related theme

Plot Summary:
Janice Santiago and Jovanne Zuño play two government agents assigned to fight drug dealers. The best friends’ solid partnership was put to a test when Jovanne fell in love with a wealthy, young drug pusher. While Janice refuses to meddle with her partner’s personal life, she cannot just let the romance jeopardize the government’s anti-narcotic operations. A moving account of friendship and perfidy, “Bribe Wars” also marks the screen debut of ‘80s radio host Johnny Frightnight as Jovanne’s future father-in-law who tolerates his son’s involvement in the illegal drug trade. Plus an Oscar-worthy performance by Major Marcelino Fernando Jose in his breakout role as a blind narcotic agent who “witnessed” a bribe attempt to silence Janice Santiago; With the special participation of Timm Yup who gives life to the character “Timbukling” – an Über-annoying poseur-buyer who dates suspected drug dealers, and collects Bratz dolls and Bratz accessories.
Memorable Quotes from the Film:
“Ano ako cheap?! Ayoko ng 3M Pizza! Gusto ko pizza from California Pizza Kitchen.”
“My son is not an addict. He is just a social user, kasi sosyal siya! Sosyal ang buong pamilya ko!”
“That Marcelino Fernando Jose is a liar! He cannot be a witness kasi blind siya and that is unconstitutional!”
“My brother is not a pig. My brother is a traitor. Sinisiraan niya kami dahil sa pera!”
“You want ecstasy? Go to Embassy!”

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Apologies for the “pilit” na poster. I couldn’t find better photos of the film’s leads.

BROTHER EDDIE

Villanueva for President?
Have you heard the news? The leader of Jesus is Lord Movement – Bro. Eddie Villanueva is reportedly bent on running again for president in 2010… to which a disgruntled observer said, “Anong palagay niya sa Pilipinas, kulto?”

In a related report, Bro. Eddie Villanueva, who’s running again for president in 2010 wants Pampanga Governor Ed Panlilio to be his running mate. In fact, Bro. Eddie has reportedly come up with a possible campaign slogan. It goes… “Todo na ito: Villanueva at Panlilio! Ang hindi bumoto… diretso sa impiyerno!” (Afraid!)

Top 5 Political Questions to Ask Bro. Eddie Villanueva

5: To date, how much pork barrel has been enjoyed by your son Joel as a party-list representative?

4: If you and Bro. Mike Velarde would go head to head in the 2010 presidential polls, who do you think the Lord would choose – if He could vote?

3: You? Really now?

2: In 2004, you claimed that the Jesus is Lord Movement had five million loyal members. Do you remember how many of them actually rejected your presidential bid?

And the No. 1 political question to ask Bro. Eddie Villanueva…

1: If you were elected president in 2010… what the hell were the voters thinking?

Survey Says
What broadsheet do you often read?
Results
Philippine Daily Inquirer: 47%
Philippine Star: 23%
Manila Standard Today: 20%
Manila Bulletin: 11%
Manila Times: 0%
Others: 6%

We have a new survey. Vote now.
_________
“Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion is.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

HECKLER’S PICK 1

Heckler’s Pick
Starting today, Heckler’s Pick will feature (between regular blog posts) a series of movies inspired by personalities in Philippine politics, government, and maybe, show business. As its initial offering, Heckler’s Pick brings you a critically-acclaimed opus that has been generating Oscar buzz of late.

Movie: The Curious Case of Benjamin Burger
Genre: Drama
Director: Jose Miguel Arrovo
Rating: R for foul language, devil worship, and promotion of avarice by some of the characters
Plot Summary:
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Burger” tells the story of an elderly man who brokers for Chinese businessmen in sealing government contracts. With the help of his “magic burgers,” he would always win contracts for them. A single bite makes government officials say “Yes!” to his proposals. The only other person who knows the burger’s secret ingredient is his 61-year-old cook, Gloria Kusinera. A rival businessman, Joey Divisoria III attempts to bribe Gloria Kusinera into giving him the secret ingredient. Will she accept the bribe or remain loyal to Benjamin? This gripping tale of deceit and betrayal boasts of pillow-soft cinematography from Romulus Nerus, and a lush, inspirational original score by Juno Lozade that enhances the film’s wide array of moods.
Memorable Quotes From the Film:
“Back off. That’s my burger!”
“Approve the burger but refuse the extra patty.”
“Don’t add coleslaw and cheese, bubukol ang burger.”
“Moderate your greed! Stop eating my burgers!”
“Sec, may burger ka rito.”

An exclusive, by-invitation only sneak preview will be held at the Weck Weck Golf & Country Club. For seat reservations, please dial a telephone. Hurry, limited seats are available! First 100 guests will walk away home with a burger.

(Thanks to Robert Tiu for the help on the poster.)

REUNITED

Reconciliation
It’s true. Former buddies turned enemies Chavit Singson and Joseph Estrada did kiss and make up at the wake of Doña Mary Ejercito. It took a person’s death to reconcile the two of them. When President Arroyo heard this, she told the First Gentleman, I want to reconcile with my countrymen… can you make a sacrifice?

Aside from Chavit Singson, Erap’s former pal turned enemy retired Gen. Reynaldo Berroya also dropped by the wake. They, too buried the hatchet. Likewise, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim, who was expelled by Erap himself from his political party last year, paid his last respects to the dead. Even Malacañang, through Exec. Sec. Eduardo Ermita condoled with the Estrada family. Because of Doña Mary’s demise, everyone appeared to have reconciled last week… with the exception perhaps of JV and Jinggoy.

According to reports, Erap’s other woman Laarni Enriquez and their children went to Doña Mary’s wake. When people saw the gorgeous kids, they said, “Imposible! Anak ba ni Erap ‘yan? Bakit may leeg?”

Rumors say when Loi Ejercito bumped into Laarni Enriquez at the wake, the former senator told her, “Ako, legal wife,” to which Laarni replied, “Ako, maganda. Period.”

Erap’s another woman, Guia Gomez was also there. The mother of San Juan City mayor JV Ejercito told the press, “I lost a very loving person, a loving mother but most of all a loving friend.” In short, “kunsintidora.”

Almost 200 wreaths were sent to the wake of Doña Mary. Erap even appealed to sympathizers to just donate to his mom’s favorite charity instead of sending flowers, to which a surprised Jude Estrada remarked, “Ganun? Sayang naman! Bongga pa naman ang arrangements.”

No to Bro
For yesterday’s episode of our entertainment program, I was assigned to write the story about the death of an old woman. I included in the script interviews with a grandson – the old woman’s fave son’s offspring by another woman, and a separate interview with the grandson’s mom (the other woman). When I arrived at the studio, I was told that the interviews with the other woman & her son were deleted from the final script because the old woman’s other grandson (a high ranking government official) wanted them “out of the picture.” And I thought the feud between the “brothers” was over. I was wrong.

Exploited?
A former vice presidential candidate is reportedly enraged at a tv host/newscaster and at a comedienne for “exploiting” her in their respective shows. “They made fun of me,” she said, “for ratings.”

Briefly Noted
I was surprised to see a “new broadsheet” when I arrived at the office this morning (Monday, Jan. 19). I also thought it was a supplement of either the Inquirer or the Star. But no, it’s actually Malaya – the daily that President Arroyo wouldn’t read is now a business paper. Check it out.

_________
“Reconciliation with our enemies is but a desire to better our condition, a weariness of war, the fear of some unlucky accident.”
~ François de la Rochefoucauld

BIG SPENDERS

Geez, Geese!
A US Airways jetliner crashed into New York’s Hudson River after a collision with a flock of birds. Sought for a reaction, outgoing US President George W. Bush said he knew that Al Qaeda had been training geese as a weapon of mass destruction.

War on Drugs
Remember my previous post about President Arroyo appointing herself as the government’s anti-drug czar? She said the fight against illegal drugs would be waged from three fronts: law enforcement, judicial action and policymaking. Of course, her job against drug traffickers and drug dealers would be a lot easier… if she starts with the abolition of the DOJ.

Can you believe it? Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales had said that Major Ferdinand Marcelino’s (yeah, that honest witness) participation in the operations of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency was “unconstitutional.” Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new lawyer for the Alabang Boys!

Senate’s Biggest Spenders
According to the Commission on Audit, senators Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada, and Lito Lapid were among the Senate’s three biggest spenders for the year 2007. The actors spent nearly 47 million pesos that year! But you know what’s more surprising about the COA report? Revilla, Jinggoy, and Lapid were senators! Yeah they are. Amazing!

Now hear this. Detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than 8 million pesos in six months alone. If you double that amount to simulate a 12-month service, the Oakwood mutineer would be spending more than 16 million pesos making him the biggest spending legislator in the Senate ever. And he’s not even an actor!

The Commission on Audit reported that Sen. Manny Villar is one of thriftiest senators in 2007. Senators Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal refused to believe the ranking and instructed COA auditors to verify its report just to make sure there was no double entry under the name “Manuel Villar.”

Senator Joker Arroyo is the most frugal member of the Senate. He is also proud of his perfect attendance as a lawmaker for 17 straight years… to which Sen. Lito Lapid said,”Wala ‘yan! Bakit? Kaya ba niya ang five straight years na laging tulog sa session?”

Leviste Guilty
Former Batangas governor Jose Antonio Leviste has been sentenced to 12 years in prison for shooting dead his long-time aide. When his ex-wife Loren Legarda heard the news, she said, “Tama ang manghuhula! This is my year!”

After his sentencing, former Batangas governor Tony Leviste told the media, “I am innocent.” That was the exact same line uttered by Loren Legarda when her marriage to Leviste collapsed.

For killing his long-time aide Rafael De Las Alas in January 2007, former Batangas governor Jose Antonio Leviste – father of famous athlete Toni Leviste has been sentenced to 12 years in prison. Excited inmates at the Makati City Jail couldn’t wait to play “equestrian” with him.

De La Paz’ Golf Shares
Businessman Delfin de la Paz is selling his shares at the Valley Golf and Country Club following his expulsion. Prospective buyers must have knowledge of karate, aikido, or any form of self-defense.

Survey Says…
Here’s the result of our survey: Who’s the most annoying?
Mikey Arroyo – 40%
Jinggoy Estrada – 28%
Kris Aquino – 28%
Others – 4%

Funny. One respondent even answered: Niñez Cacho-Olivarez of the Daily Tribune. Another, Willie Revillame.

We have a new survey. Vote now!

Personal
Thanks to everyone who sent their greetings. One of my birthday wishes has also been granted: Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. Have a great weekend!

_____________
“You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.”
~ Abraham Lincoln

CZARINA

Anti-Drugs Czar
President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has appointed herself as anti-drug “czar” who will lead the government’s fight against illegal drugs. To prove that she’s serious in her new role… this Friday, she’s attending a rave party at the Embassy bar.

President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has appointed herself as the government’s temporary anti-drug “czar.” As her first directive, she ordered the re-designing and re-printing of DOJ letterheads.

President Arroyo has named herself as the government’s anti-narcotics “czar” who will lead the fight against illegal drugs. When Ping Lacson heard this he said, “Ah ganun? Pini-personal mo na talaga ako! Pwes, bring it on!”

President Arroyo is now the government’s temporary anti-narcotics “czar” who will lead the fight against illegal drugs. Starting tomorrow, she will drop the alias “Gloria Labandera” and will assume the new name “Gloria Narcotica.”

President Arroyo says she will act as the government’s temporary anti-drugs “czar.” When Nora Aunor heard this, she said, “Nunal noon, droga ngayon. Gaya-gaya talaga!”

Doña Mary, 103
Doña Mary Ejercito, mother of former president Joseph Estrada passed away at the age of 103 at the San Juan Medical Center. When Erap reached the hospital, he initially refused to believe his mom has died… because the death certificate issued by the doctor was printed in a DOJ letterhead.

Doña Mary Ejercito passed away at the age of 103. Rumors say, before she died, she even asked for a serving of her favorite food – Century tuna.

SWS Survey
Vice President Noli De Castro is the public’s top choice to replace President Arroyo in 2010 based on the latest SWS survey. De Castro was the choice of 31 percent of the respondents. The remaining 69 percent said “Then, let him win. Edsa 4 is always an option anyway.”

SWS Survey II
In its recent survey, the Social Weather Stations asked 1,500 adults nationwide who they thought was the “best leader” to succeed Arroyo without providing names to choose from. Vice President Noli De Castro topped the survey with 31 percent. Sen. Mar Roxas who placed sixth with 10 percent reportedly questioned the results of the survey because the SWS refused to count some 100 “Mr. Putang Ina” votes to his name.

President Revilla?
Partido Lakas executive director Ray Roquero says Sen. Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr. is being considered as the standard bearer of the ruling Lakas-Christian Muslim Democrats in 2010. If Bong Revilla wins the presidency, I assure you, this blog will be updated three times daily!

ELSEWHERE…Karen Suspended
One of my favorite gossip columnists has reported that Karen Davila has been suspended by ABS-CBN..

The Phililippines’ “Ploning” failed to advance in the Best Foreign Language Film competition in this year’s Oscars.

Reports say Vicks Vaporub is harmful to kids under two.

I’ve seen the Golden Globe Best Picture winner ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and I must say it’s a really nice film. Find time to watch the film.

_________
“Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self esteem.”
~Kurt Cobain

DEVOTION

Postscript to a Procession
Now here’s something funny. According to reports, it took almost an hour for the cart carrying the statue of the Black Nazarene to finally enter the gates of Quiapo Church because the person holding the key couldn’t be found. You know what the crowd did? They asked some members of the Brodett, Tecson, and Joseph families (who were reportedly there) to push the gates open. The “pushers’ successfully did.

Unconfirmed reports say Johnny “Midnight” (Joseph) was spotted outside Quiapo Church during the Black Nazarene procession. Asked about his presence at the premises, he replied, “I’m a social believer but I’m not a devotee. It’s no big deal.”

And finally, another unconfirmed report says DOJ prosecutors who dismissed the case against the “Alabang Boys” attended a special mass at the Quiapo Church last Friday. In fact, they even took part in the mass! During the offertory, they washed their hands.

Postscript to a Procession II
The Black Nazarene procession took several hours to finish because of the unusual traffic jam in Manila… which was described as “nothing” by commuters who regularly pass by EDSA.

Historic Meeting
Something historic happened in Washington DC last Thursday. Five living presidents had lunch together at the White House: George Herbert Walker Bush, George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. Rumors say former president Cory Aquino actually planned to host a similar event for living Philippine presidents… but decided to cancel it at the last minute when both Fidel Ramos and Miriam Defensor-Santiago confirmed their attendance.

Historic Meeting II
Something historic happened in Washington DC last Thursday when five living presidents had lunch together at the White House: George Herbert Walker Bush, George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. Rumors say deposed president Joseph Estrada is planning to host a similar event for four living Philippine presidents. But Erap, who never had a liking for history since grade school, is reportedly having a difficult time preparing the invites… because he couldn’t identify the four.

Loren’s Ex
Former Batangas governor Antonio Leviste, the estranged husband of senator Loren Legarda said, “I have affected Loren so much, if she was president, she would care for the interest and welfare of the Muslims.” Therefore I conclude, Loren Legarda is the best candidate… for ARMM governor.

Loren’s Ex II
Former Batangas governor Antonio Leviste said he was tempted to go back to politics because he was worried about Batangas and wanted “to clean the province of drug use” – to which a concerned Batangas resident said, “I may be a drug addict but I am not a murderer.”

Postscript to a Break Up
Did you catch Dr. Hayden Kho’s interview on Startalk last week? He apologized to his “amore,” his baby, his beloved Vicks and sought her forgiveness for his infidelity. He was blaming his “youth” for the split up and vowed to make amends. Yes, he loved Vicki so much he even attempted to end his life just to prove his undying love for her. Hayden’s interview was so melodramatic it almost melted Dr. Vicky Belo’s… face.

Survey Says
Who would you rather believe?
A. PDEA and Major Marcelino: 83%
B. DOJ Prosecutors: 1%
C. None: 15%
D. Others: 1%

Find time to answer our new survey please.

MEN OF SUBSTANCE

Major Ferdinand Marcelino, an anti-narcotics agent of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency confirmed that he was offered P3 million by a former classmate at the Philippine Military Academy in exchange for not filing a case against Richard Brodett, Joseph Tecson, and Jorge Joseph a.k.a. “Alabang Boys.” He also told the House committee on dangerous drugs that DOJ prosecutors who dismissed the case against the three might have been bribed. A number of people who heard Major Marcelino’s testimony described him as brave, credible, and dead.

Major Ferdinand Marcelino claimed that his PMA classmate offered him “tatlong manok” or P3 million pesos for the PDEA not to file a case against Brodett, Tecson, and Joseph but said that he turned down the offer. On December 2 however, a resolution, signed by Chief State Prosecutor Jovencito Zuño, ordered the release of the three suspects. I wonder how many chickens did Zuño receive during the Holiday Season.

Also revealed yesterday: Attorney Felisberto Verano, lawyer for the Alabang Boys was the one who prepared the order for the release of his three clients using the letterhead of the Department of Justice for the signature of the justice secretary two days before Christmas. Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales vehemently denied culpability and told his critics, “If you wouldn’t believe me, then eat live chicken and jump into a chicken coop!”

Report #1: Muntinlupa City Mayor Aldrin San Pedro appealed to the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency (PDEA) and the media not to call Brodett, Tecson and Joseph “Alabang Boys” because the tag gives a negative impression on the Alabang community. Report #2: PDEA has confirmed that the three guys peddled drugs at the infamous Embassy Super Club co-owned by the equally infamous party animal Tim Yap at The Fort. Unconfirmed Report #3: Heeding the request of Mayor San Pedro, PDEA will now refer to the suspected Embassy suppliers as “drug envoys.”

Brodett, Tecson, and Joseph – the so-called “Alabang Boys” were arrested on September 20 for carrying cocaine, marijuana, and 60 tablets of Ecstasy… to which Borgy Manotoc and Tim Yap allegedly said, “Para ‘yon lang inaresto na?”

Anthony Brodett, first cousin of suspect Richard, and Anthony’s father Dave told the House committee on dangerous drugs that Richard was indeed a user and a pusher. Anthony testified, “Nagbebenta po talaga si Richard Brodett. Yes, pusher. Mismong yung nanay niya alam po. Pinaakyat pa ng nanay niya iyan sa Sagada para kumuha ng marijuana.” Sought for a reaction, suspect Richard’s mom said, “Wow ‘tol… bigat ng allegation pare. Sobrang heavy ng feeling na ma-accuse kami bro. OA sa hirit ang cuzins namin dude! Peace out man!”

Since the Philippine Star broke out the story on December 23, everybody has been talking about the “Alabang Boys” – suspected high-end drug dealers from the gated village of Alabang. They are so controversial some people now consider them as celebrities. In fact, one TV show is reportedly interested in having these alleged drug users/dealers as regular guests. Which show? Walaaaang Tulugan!

Of course, if there’s GMA 7, there’s ABS-CBN. According to rumors, the Kapamilya network has invited the so-called “Alabang Boys” to appear in the special narcotics episode of the show… “Deal or No Deal.”

Quote of the Weak
“My son is a social user but not an addict. It’s no big deal.”
~ Radio announcer Johnny Joseph a.k.a. Johnny Midnight father of Jorge Joseph, one of the “Alabang Boys”

(Note: Please answer our survey. It’s on the right side of your screen.)

________________
Every man has his price.
~Sir Robert Walpole

2009 PREDICTIONS

Top 15 Predicted Scandals and Controversies of 2009

15: Vicki Belo admits “huge crush” on BJ “Tolits” Forbes; young actor’s mom alerts Bantay Bata

14: Amid mounting criticisms, Manny Pacquiao moves up from lightweight to heavyweight; Bob Arum eyes multi-million dollar bout against Vladimir Klitschko

13: Optical Media Board detects melamine and excessive amount of lead in pirated DVDs from China; massive raids in Quiapo, Metrowalk, St. Francis Square, and Makati Cinema Square set

12: Bus operators seek court’s TRO against MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando’s new memorandum circular requiring the installation of urinals aboard buses

11. Communist leader Jose Ma. Sison finally returns home and joins the celebrity edition of Pinoy Big Brother to re-launch his career and to entice more recruits!

10: PLDT and Smart CEO Manny V. Pangilinan officially launches Pink Mobile – the first and only pre-paid network for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders.

9: ABS-CBN announces bid for 2010 elections; Ted and Korina to lead nominees of Kapamilya Party-list Group

8: Sen. Mar Roxas denounces favoritism and censorship as he is barred from speaking by fellow opposition leaders in 2009’s biggest anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City

7: Recession finally hits home as Divisoria’s 168 and Tutuban malls shut down operations due to poor sales

6: 2010 Polls: Newly-formed Moral Revolution Party picks JDV and JDV III for president and vice president respectively; Jun Lozada banners senatorial slate

5: Abused by their employer, two Filipina maids in Pasig City seek help from Sen. Manuel Villar but the senator declines as the identity of the employer is revealed: Princess Revilla.

4: Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales Sr. is diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer’s but refuses to step down. To keep his post, he threatens to fight all the way up to the Supreme Court, and tells his detractors to just “jump into Pasig River.”

3: Two coups in two chambers: Lito Lapid is new Senate president; House installs Mikey Arroyo as Speaker

2: Diarrhea downs First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo anew. But in a surprising and totally bizarre twist, the “diarrhea” calls for a press con, denies culpability, and brands Attorney Arroyo “a liar.”

And the No. 1 predicted scandal of 2009…

1: Arroyo government agrees to ratify revised memorandum of agreement on land ownership with MILF rebels. Peace panel member Nasser Pangandaman Sr. says the controversial new pact shall cover only the country’s 10 largest golf courses.

Happy New Year!

Personal: Thanks again to Jove of TV5 for this ahem, recognition(?).
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Never make predictions, especially about the future.
~ Casey Stengel

SCARE TACTICS

DOH Campaign
Health Secretary Francisco Duque III attributed the lower firecracker-injury statistics this year to the DOH’s “scare tactics.” In fact, a post-New Year celebration survey revealed that Filipinos were horrified to see those DOH posters showing wounded faces, severed fingers, mutilated hands… and Duque’s election-inspired poses.

For the past two months, Health Secretary Francisco Duque III has been very busy with the “Iwas Paputok” campaign. A year from now, he’ll be a lot busier with his Senate seat campaign.

Manny’s New Baby
Manny Pacquiao has a new baby. He named her Queen Elizabeth. His wife Jinkee was so thankful they had a girl… because if it happened to be a boy, Manny would have reportedly named it… King Kong.

Manny’s New Baby II
Manny Pacquiao has a new baby. That’s his second baby in two years. He’s got four kids now but plans to have more. That’s another reason why he’s called the “pound for pound king.”

Postscript to a Golf Course Clash
Saturday, January 3: A Philippine Daily Inquirer headline reads: “Pangandamans ask bloggers to stop attacks” NOW THEY know how their 14-year-old victim felt when they were attacking him.

Secretary Pangandaman appealed to bloggers to stop accusing them on the Web and warned them against karma. Pangandaman added, “I hope this doesn’t happen to you,” to which the Professional Heckler said, “Of course it won’t! I play bowling, not golf!”

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman; Masiu, Lanao Del Sur Mayor Nasser Jr., and their Bodyguards

5: The Lord of the Greens

4: The Golffather

3: You’ve Got Mauled!

2: The Year of Golfing Dangerously

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman; Masiu, Lanao Del Sur Mayor Nasser Pangandaman Jr., and their bodyguards…

1. You Don’t Mess With the Pangandamans

Showbiz!
My ever-reliable sources say doctors Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho have kissed and made up. Hayden has reportedly realized that two moms are better than one, while Vicki… hmmm, let’s just say, she can afford him! Let’s leave it at that.
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Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.
~Author Unknown