UNLUCKY

Pangandamans React
Personally, I felt rage when I saw the kid on TV crying. A first year high school student mauled by a town mayor, son of a Cabinet official. Grrrr! The boy’s face was badly bruised. To give you an idea how bad it was, when I saw his face on TV, I sort of appreciated what Vicki Belo did to her own.

Have you heard the news? The Pangandamans are reportedly filing a libel case against the victims. Insane! You did something bad. You become the subject of negative news. And then you file a libel case? Who do you think you are… the First Gentleman?!

Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman Sr. apologized for the mauling incident at a golf course last Friday involving his son, Nasser Jr – mayor of Masiu, Lanao Del Sur. However, Pangandaman insisted “hindi kagustuhan ng bawat isa ito.” Wow. Are you telling us that while your son and his armed goons were attacking the boy, they were shouting, “Promise! Hindi namin ‘to gusto! Labag ito sa aming kalooban! Ayaw naming gawin ‘to!” Try again Mr. Secretary.

Didn’t you notice? Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman Sr. is all over the news – TV, radio, print, and the Internet – explaining, defending, and apologizing for his son’s despicable act. Here’s an appeal to our journalists: could someone please verify rumors that Nasser Jr was actually mute?

Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman Sr. told the press, “Humihingi ako ng paumanhin sa nangyari. Hindi ko rin gusto ang nangyari.” When Sen. Richard Gordon heard this, he said, “Parang narinig ko na ‘yan ah… sa book launching ni JDV?”

Hopeful Pinoys
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 9 of 10 Filipinos are entering the New Year with hope rather than fear… unless of course they’re in a golf course with the Pangandamans.

Hopeful Pinoys II
In the latest SWS survey, the respondents were asked, “Ang darating na taon ba ay inyong sasalubungin ng may pag-asa o pangamba?” Many respondents answered: “Depende. Sa bahay o sa golf course?”

Manny’s Next Opponent
Latest reports say Puerto Rican boxer Miguel Cotto may be next in line for Manny Pacquiao. When Nasser Pangandaman Jr heard this, he said, “I think Cotto is too big for Manny. Does Cotto have a brother in first year high school?”

In Other News…
President Arroyo, First Gentleman Mike Arroyo and the entire First Family with some congressmen-friends went spelunking in Sagada, Ifugao, Mountain Province. Reports say they all enjoyed the caves… which was not really surprising since they’re used to that kind of environment. You know… darkness.

Personal
IT HAS BEEN A great year for me and for this blog. “The Professional Heckler” got recognized by the Philippine Blog Awards and continues to get noticed by more and more people in cyberspace. Wikipilipinas has also named this blog as one of the year’s… hmmm, basahin n’yo nga lang.

Thank you so much for making all these possible. I appreciate it. I admit – I’ve written some mean and nasty posts that may have offended some people. But I won’t apologize yet. Not until I have become an ex-president.

Again, maraming, maraming salamat sa lahat (I hope Brian Gorrell understands this one)! Have a safe and lucky New Year!

Starting today, I’ll have an online poll. Cast your vote now. It’s on the right side of your screen.

Lastly, do you believe in astrology? Here’s what in store for you in 2009, the Year of the Ox.
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Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.
~Ray Kroc

BULLIES

Pangandamans in Mauling Incident
Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman Sr’s son, Nasser Pangandaman Jr., mayor of Masiu, Lanao del Sur, and his five armed bodyguards reportedly beat up a 14-year-old boy and his 56-year-old father at a golf course in Antipolo on Friday. Worse, the secretary who was with the group just watched as his son & the bodyguards mauled the poor boy and his dad. The unfortunate incident has prompted the government to expand its ceasefire agreement during the holidays to include powerful Muslim politicians exhibiting rebel-like behavior.

Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman Sr’s son, Nasser Pangandaman Jr. – mayor of Masiu, Lanao del Sur, and his five armed bodyguards reportedly mauled a 14-year-old boy and his 56-year-old father at a golf course in Antipolo on Friday. Rumors say Secretary Pangandaman is taking a leave from his post as chief of agrarian reform until such time he has reformed his own son.

Nasser Pangandaman Jr. – mayor of Masiu, Lanao del Sur, reportedly mauled a 14-year-old boy and his 56-year-old father at a golf course in Antipolo on Friday, December 26… to which some 75 kids in Lanao Del Sur who heard the news said, “Bakit nang magpunta kami sa bahay ni Ninong, sabi no’ng maid out of the country daw?”

Pacquiao Recognized
International sports magazine Sports Illustrated, British newspaper The Sun and the World Boxing Council as well two boxing websites – www.8CountNews.com and www.sportinglife.com all named Manny Pacquiao as boxer of the year. In close second was Nasser Pangandaman Jr.

2008 MMFF
Reports on the ongoing Metro Manila Film Festival say that the movie “Magkaibigan” is trailing seven other entries in terms of box office revenues. Even the animated film “Dayo” is earning more… which means Filipinos prefer watching cartoons over Jinggoy.

Forecast: Filipino of the Year
The Philippine Daily Inquirer usually announces its Filipino of the Year in the second week of January. My fearless forecast? Manny Pacquiao. He’s made the biggest positive impact on Filipinos for 2008. Besides he’s been reaping awards from various sports organizations and other sports websites, who are we to deprive him of a well-deserved recognition. With all the odds stacked against him, he stuck to his gameplan to embarrass future hall of famer, Oscar “The Swollen Boy” De La Hoya. So shame on you Al. S Mendoza! (Ay, parang may poot!)

And cheers to you Manny, and here’s hoping you’ll stay away from politics in 2010.

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If you let a bully come in your front yard, he’ll be on your porch the next day and the day after that he’ll rape your wife in your own bed.
~Lyndon B. Johnson

SORRY!

Late!
It felt like forever. Finally, after six long days I was able to update this blog. I would like to apologize for the late update. I was really busy the past few days. Again… I am very sorry. I know some people would be disappointed with the delayed apology. But come on guys. Mine took only six days, Cory waited for seven years!

Speaking of Cory and her apology to deposed president Joseph Estrada last week, her son, Sen. Noynoy Aquino said it was just a joke. In fact, it was the second funniest joke Cory has ever delivered – the first one being Kris.

Former president Cory Aquino has drawn flak from lawmakers and civil society groups for saying sorry to deposed president Joseph Estrada. Sen. Mar Roxas believed though Cory would have avoided the criticisms had she said, “Putang-ina mo Erap, pinapatawad na kita.”

SWS Survey
A pre-Christmas survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations showed that the four most anticipated food for ordinary Filipinos in the Yuletide feast were “lechon,” salad, spaghetti and ham. Among Filipino lawmakers though, the top answer was pork.

Communists@40
The Communist Party of the Philippines, who’s been trying to overthrow the government since 1968, marked its 40th anniversary on Friday, December 26. Wow! They’re like celebrating 40 consecutive years of failure! Amazing!

On its 40th anniversary last Friday, the Communist Party of the Philippines unveiled its 5-year insurgency plan. For 2009: Torch at least 20 Globe cell sites in the provinces. And for 2010: Elect five more party-list representatives to Congress.

On its 40th anniversary last Friday, the Communist Party of the Philippines unveiled its 5-year insurgency plan. Nope, contrary to rumors, the plan does not include getting a new party leader who’d be willing to face the enemy right here in the Philippines.

Joma’s Facebook
CPP-NPA founding chair Jose Maria Sison has opened an account in the social networking site Facebook. His Facebook status? “Joma is having a great time in Europe.”

This just in: Rumors say New People’s Army spokesperson Gregorio “Ka Roger” Rosal has also created a Facebook account. His status? “Ka Roger is kinda inggit at Ka Joma but fully understands the situation.”

DOH vs. Firecrackers
The Department of Health will use ’scare’ ads to discourage the use of firecrackers during the New Year’s Eve revelry. One of the print ads will show a close-up of Vicki Belo’s face.

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Apologizing – a very desperate habit – one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table

TWELVE (BAD) DAYS

THE 12 BAD DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
A crazed Justice Secretary

On the second day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the third day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the fourth day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the fifth day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Five GMAs
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the sixth day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Six Jocjoc lying
Five GMAs
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the seventh day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Seven Charter changin’
Six Jocjoc lying
Five GMAs
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the eight day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Eight Roxas cursing
Seven Charter changin’
Six Jocjoc lying
Five GMAs
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the ninth day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Nine Villars inserting
Eight Roxas cursing
Seven Charter changin’
Six Jocjoc lying
Five GMAs
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the tenth day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Ten bishops ranting
Nine Villars inserting
Eight Roxas cursing
Seven Charter changin’
Six Jocjoc lying
Five GMAs
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the eleventh day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Eleven Reds a-purging
Ten bishops ranting
Nine Villars inserting
Eight Roxas cursing
Seven Charter changin’
Six Jocjoc lying
Five GMAs
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary

On the twelfth day of Christmas
Bad Santa sent to me
Twelve Eraps comebacking
Eleven Reds a-purging
Ten bishops ranting
Nine Villars inserting
Eight Roxas cursing
Seven Charter changin’
Six Jocjoc lying
Five GMAs
Four Garci calls
Three oil firms
Two JDVs
And a crazed Justice Secretary!

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Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
~Plato

THE SHOE SHOW

Bush and the Pair of Shoes
During a news conference in Baghdad Sunday, an Iraqi reporter angrily threw his shoes at US President Bush… something that wasn’t really original because two days before that, a Philippine senator was already throwing invectives at another president.

During a news conference in Baghdad Sunday, an Iraqi reporter angrily threw his shoes at US President Bush. When President Arroyo saw this, she instructed the PSG to keep an eye on DZMM’s Malacañang reporter.

The Iraqi journalist who angrily threw his shoes at US President Bush has been arrested and will remain in jail. If the same incident happened here in the Philippines, the journalist would be arrested but may or may not remain in jail. Depending on the schedule of the interment.

Back to the Iraqi reporter… I heard that the guy, now jobless – was a hard-hitting, heckling, staunch critic of the government. No wonder, he was being offered a job at the Daily Tribune, Malaya, and DZMM.

When news of the Baghdad incident first came out, President Arroyo asked, “Was Bush hurt?” Former President Aquino asked, “Was the journalist safe?” Former President Estrada asked, “Anong brand ng sapatos?”

The shoe throwing incident is currently the most watched political video on YouTube in the Philippines. In close second is Mar Roxas’ “putang ina” speech.

Play the Sock and Awe game.

Legarda and 2010
Sen. Loren Legarda rejected suggestions that she run again for vice president in 2010 saying she’s “been there, done that.” In layman’s term, walang kadala-dala.

Pacquiao’s Birthday
President Arroyo attended Manny Pacquiao’s lavish birthday celebration in General Santos City. Six roasted calves, 26 roasted pigs, sashimi bites sliced from a spread of 10 tunas, “menudo,” “caldereta,” liver and bacon pasta, steamed “lapu-lapu” fish, prawns, chicken galantine, babyback ribs and other meat dishes were on buffet tables. Tomorrow’s tabloid headline: Pangulo, muling itinumba ng tae.

Dr Belo and Hayden Call It Quits
Reports say 52-year-old Vicki Belo and his 28-year-old boyfriend Hayden Kho have called it quits. Hayden reportedly left Vicki because everything in her was unusually tight.

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He who angers you conquers you.
~Elizabeth Kenny

SENATOR P.I. 2

Sen. Manuel “P.I.” Roxas II: A Postscript
Did you hear what Sen. Mar Roxas said on radio today? Roxas said his expletive-laced speech last Friday was addressed to the situation, and not to President Arroyo. Isn’t that worse? Kawawa na nga ang sitwasyon ng mga Pilipino, puputang-inahin mo pa? Anong klaseng palusot naman ‘yun?

Reports say Sen. Mar Roxas has refused to apologize for his outburst last Friday. When Tessie Aquino-Oreta heard this, she said, “Hayaan n’yo na. Ako nga… inabot ng apat na taon eh.”

Rumors have it Sen. Mar Roxas is changing his alias soon: from Mr. Palengke… to Mr. Palengkera.

Yet another rumor says Mar Roxas has changed his campaign battle cry. It used to be “Oras na, Roxas na!” Now, it’s “Roxas na! ‘Tang-ina!”

And Korina Sanchez? According to the grapevine, Mar Roxas’ rumored girlfriend is having sleepless nights. You know why? Because prior to that Friday rally, people would often ask her, “Boyfriend mo ba ‘yong si Mar Roxas?” Now they’re asking, “Sure ka bang si Mar Roxas ang boyfriend mo? Hindi ba si Mon Tulfo?”

And if that wasn’t bad enough, listen to this. This morning, someone sent Korina a letter that says, “Dear Ate Koring, Please tell Mar that I want him to appear on my show as a guest co-host. Nababagay siya do’n. (Signed) Bro. Eli Soriano.”

Finally… haven’t you noticed? Manny Villar is so quiet these days? I heard he’s really enjoying the uploaded “Putang ina” video of Mar Roxas on YouTube. To give you an idea how entertained Villar was, he is reportedly planning to upload a similar video… making it a “double upload.”

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True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

SENATOR P.I.

Senator Roxas and Charter Change
Speaking before an estimated 7000 anti-Charter Change protesters who gathered at Ayala Avenue in Makati City, presidential contender and incumbent senator Mar Roxas shouted, “Putang-ina! Patayin ang Gloria Forever Cha Cha na ito!” When Lacson, Villar, Legarda, De Castro, and Gordon heard this, they told their respective aides, “I want that part uploaded into YouTube! Asap!”

Speaking before thousands in Makati City with TV cameras everywhere, Sen. Mar Roxas told the crowd, “Putang-ina! Patayin ang Gloria Forever Cha Cha na ito!” A presidential contender, Roxas thus became the first senator in Philippine history to utter “Putang ina” in public. Now you know why he is called “Mr. Palengke.”

At the anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City last Friday, Sen. Mar Roxas told the crowd, “Putang-ina! Patayin ang Gloria Forever Cha Cha na ito!” When Korina Sanchez heard this, she said, “Shit! Pa’no pa ko magiging first lady n’yan?!”

During the anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City, Sen. Mar Roxas shouted “putang ina!” The use of the expletive came as a shock to Roxas’ closest aides… mainly because in private, the senator only uses words like “Imbyerna,” “Keber!,” and “Etchos!”

Briefly Noted: A day before the anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City, people were talkin’ about Charter Change. Less than a day later, everyone’s talkin’ about Mar Roxas. How’s that for publicity?

Top 10 Messages Left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ Answering Machine

10: Senator Roxas, this is Yolly Ong of Campaigns & Grey. I think you’ll need our help.

9: Mar, Si Archbishop Cruz ‘to. Amen!

8: Hello senator, Danton Remoto here. Naloka ako sa ‘yo!

7: Hi, it’s Teddy Locsin. I thought my “Fuck You” then was good. But your “Putang Ina” was awesome!

6: Mar, si Erap ‘to. Salamat sa pagmumura mo. At least, mas madaling ma-narrow down ang choices ng opposition.

5: Manuel, this is your mamita! Hijo naman, ano na lang ang iisipin ng akin mga amiga? Na ikaw ay persona mal educado? Na mal ejemplo ako bilang madre de familia? Usted debe pedir perdón! (Read: You must apologize!) Ora mismo!

4: Hello senator, Danton Remoto again. In fairness, lalaking lalaki ka that night!

3: Hon, Korina here. Ang tanga-tanga mo! ‘Di ka ba na-inform na may nakatutok na camera?

2: Mar, it’s Senator Villar. Hahahahahahahahaha! One down.

And the No. 1 message left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ answering machine…

1: ‘Tol, si Mikey ‘to. Puta’ng ina mo rin!

(Thanks to Jove of TV5 for a brief mention of this post on The Evening News.)
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A bad word whispered will echo a hundred miles.
~Chinese Proverb

READY TO RUMBLE

The Anti-Charter Change Rally
Five opposition senators, all eyeing the presidency in 2010, are attending today’s anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City. Senators Manuel Villar Jr., Loren Legarda, Francis Escudero, Manuel Roxas II, and Panfilo Lacson are reportedly joining the multisectoral protest action along with two other potential presidential contenders – Joseph Estrada and Jejomar Binay. This marks the first time a miting de avance is being held 18 long months before the elections.

The Anti-Charter Change Rally II
In a statement released before today’s anti-Cha Cha rally, Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay said, “If Malacañang is ready to Cha-cha, we are ready to rumble.” When President Arroyo heard this, she said, “Can you check if Manny (Pacquiao) is available today?”

A Fake Illness?
Several newspaper columnists wrote that First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo faked his ailment during President Arroyo’s flight to the United States last month to avoid arrest there for money laundering. The write-ups angered and shocked the Arroyo family with the exception of President Arroyo who’s gotten used to Mr. Arroyo’s habit of faking it.

Elsewhere…
The final list of nominees for the 2009 Golden Globe Awards has been announced.

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Fake is as old as the Eden tree.
~Orson Welles

GOD & MANNY

Pacquiao in Malacañang
During a courtesy call to President Arroyo in Malacañang, Manny Pacquiao told the president, “Pagpasok ko sa ring, kasama ko ang Panginoon.” Now we know the reason why Chavit Singson avoided going near the ring.

Pacquiao in Malacañang II
In his chat with President Arroyo in Malacañang, Manny Pacquiao said, “Pagpasok ko sa ring, kasama ko ang Panginoon” to which a flattered Mrs. Arroyo said, “Talaga? So ibig shabihin para mo na rin akong kashama?”

Pacquiao and Rufus Rodriguez
Do you remember Cong. Rufus Rodriguez? He’s the lawmaker from Cagayan de Oro who tried to stop the fight between Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya a few months ago insisting that Pacquiao had zero chances of winning. Do you remember him now? Good! Now… forget about him!

Friday Rally
Leftist group Bayan Muna says the scheduled anti-Charter Change on Friday will be “very fun.” To give you an idea how fun it would be: Jose De Venecia and Joseph Estrada are going to share the same stage to denounce corruption in government. What could be more fun (and funnier) than that?

Friday Rally II
Bishops, nuns, leftists organizations, anti-GMA mayors, congressmen, senators, & politicians, the Makati Business Club, various political parties, whistleblowers, opposition groups, a former House speaker, and a former president are attending tomorrow’s anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City – probably the last and the biggest gathering of oppositionists before they officially start mudslinging to advance their 2010 interests.

Signs of the Times?
Reports say the Philippine Deposit Insurance Corporation or PDIC has taken over Rural Bank of Paranaque, Inc., the third domestic lender to declare a bank holiday this week. Another local bank is rumored to be declaring a holiday tomorrow but decided to postpone the plan when President Arroyo called its owner and said, “’Di ka ba nakakaintindi sha shinabi ko noon? ‘Pag eshpecial holiday, dapat sha nearesht Monday!”

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He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

WHAAAPAC!

The Dream Match
Manny Pacquiao was credited for landing 224 of 585 punches to just 83 of 402 for De La Hoya. Again, Pacquiao, 224 and De La Hoya, 83! Eighty-three! To give you an idea how lousy De La Hoya was… in a recent fight with Manny, Jinkee Pacquiao landed 85!

Odd makers predicted a De La Hoya victory yesterday. Some analysts say it was mismatch. But Manny Pacquiao defied the odds and proved them all wrong. Before the final bell sounded, the Golden Boy became the Swollen Boy.

Vice President Noli De Castro ran toward a euphoric Manny Pacquiao and hugged him as soon as the People’s Champ was officially declared the winner. Filipinos who were watching the delayed telecast were wonderin’ how in the world did Noli sneak past Chavit Singson to make it into the ring.

Post fight interviews – in English – revealed a more articulate Manny Pacquiao. In fact, he now speaks better English than the vice president.

Sports analysts say Manny Pacquiao continue to validate his status as the world’s top pound-for-pound fighter. When Vice President De Castro heard this, he said, “Teka, Pilipino siya, hindi British. Dapat peso-for-peso fighter!”

After the bout, deputy national security adviser Luis “Chavit” Singson did not climb into the ring as he did during Manny’s previous fights. His conspicuous absence fueled rumors he actually placed a huge bet on Oscar De La Hoya.

Reports say two people suffered fatal heart attacks while watching the historic Pacquiao-De La Hoya bout. But sorry to disappoint you guys, both fatalities were neither named Jocelyn nor Jose Miguel.

Hours before yesterday’s fight, former Philippine Daily Inquirer sports editor Al S. Mendoza, now a jabloid columnist, spoke with certainty on radio that De La Hoya would demolish Pacquiao because the Golden Boy, he said was “bigger, stronger, and a better fighter.” The Professional Heckler tried to get his reaction after the fight around 1pm but I was told that Mr. Mendoza was still finishing his hefty meal. You know what he had for lunch? His words.

GMA 7’s actual telecast of the Pacquiao-De La Hoya bout ended shortly before 4 o’clock in the afternoon. So delayed was the telecast that before it could even finish, De La Hoya’s cuts and bruises have all healed.

Mrs. Dionisia Pacquiao vowed to keep praying from the opening bell until such time that Pacquiao was declared the winner. She started at 11:30 am and finished at around 4… because she mistakenly thought GMA7’s telecast was live.

Because of the huge crowd at the MGM Grand Arena in Las Vegas, Karylle Padilla Tatlonghari admitted feeling very nervous while singing the Philippine National Anthem. She felt even more nervous when she saw Wilma Galvante in the crowd exchanging dagger looks with Annabelle Rama.

Briefly Noted
DZMM’s morning commentators (yup, those high-profile hecklers) are taking potshots at Pacquiao’s historic win, even insinuating the fight was fixed. Guess who was interviewed by Korina and Ted to give credence to their suspicion? Al Mendoza! Well, birds of a feather…

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I never expect to lose. Even when I’m the underdog, I still prepare a victory speech.
~ H. Jackson Brown Jr.

In Memoriam
Condolences to the family of young actor Marky Cielo who reportedly died in his sleep Sunday morning. He’s such a nice kid, genuinely nice. Our show will miss you Marky. He was only 20. Sigh. What a waste. Saludo na talaga ako kay former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. Ang tatag! (Oops, sorry. You’ve just been heckled!)

THE DREAM MATCH

WHO SHALL WIN IT? The Golden Boy or the Pacman? That’s the million dollar question that’ll be answered tomorrow as Mexican-American Oscar De La Hoya and General Santos City’s pride Manny “Pacman” Peck-yow (as Michael Buffer would say it) duke it out in tomorrow’s Dream Match.

But wait, there are other questions albeit trivial ones that Filipinos (I for one) would love to know the answers as the two boxers face off in Las Vegas. So here goes the…

Top 10 “Other” Questions You Want Answered Before, During and After Tomorrow’s Dream Match

10: How would a heartbroken Karylle sing the Philippine National Anthem? Would she render a subdued version as Kyla did or would she do a Lani Misalucha who almost bungled the “Lupang Hinirang” in an apparent attempt to impress her “birit-loving” fans? Will the cameras pan in on Dingdong Dantes who is expected to watch the fight?

9: What special programs will ABS-CBN air to avert a looming Sunday ratings massacre?

8: How many hours will Nanay Dionesia Pacquiao spend praying the rosary?

7: Will there be a motorcade in Manila this time if Pacquiao wins the fight or will he continue to snub Mayor Alfredo Lim?

6. In the event that Manny Pacquiao wins it, how many members of the Atienza family will surround him as he grants television interviews when he returns to Manila?

5: How many product logos will be printed on Manny Pacquiao’s trunks?

4: What time will GMA 7 start airing the main bout: (A) 1pm (B) 2pm (C) Nakikipanood ka lang, nagrereklamo ka pa? (Since GMA 7 is not a member of the Kapisanan ng mga Brodkaster ng Pilipinas, is there another governing body or agency that ought to monitor, if not penalize commercial overloading?)

3: If Pacquiao wins and President Arroyo makes a call to congratulate him while he’s still in the ring, how many televiewers will turn off their television sets?

2: Lawmakers and other elective officials have probably spent hundreds of thousands of pesos in taxpayers’ money traveling to Las Vegas to watch the fight. So, excluding this large-scale larceny, what will be the nationwide crime rate tomorrow?

And the No. 1 “other” question you want answered before, during, and after tomorrow’s Dream Match…

1: Of the estimated 50 to 60 million Filipinos who are going to watch the telecast, how many will throw invectives at deputy national security adviser Luis “Chavit” Singson when he climbs up the boxing ring after the bout?

Survey Question:
If a Pacquiao loss would trigger First Gentleman Mike Arroyo’s heart attack, would you pray for a De La Hoya victory? Now that’s a tough one! Your nationalism is at stake. Think about it.

Good luck Manny!

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Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat.
~Vince Lombardi

THREATS

House Junks Impeachment Complaint
Voting 183 to 21, the House of Representatives junked the impeachment complaint filed against President Arroyo by Jose “Joey” De Venecia III et al. Rep. Rissa Hontiveros-Baraquel threatened to seek redress from the Supreme Court. Leftist solon Satur Ocampo threatened to hold street protests. Cong. Jose De Venecia threatened to publish another book.

Joey’s Threat
After the junking of the impeachment complaint he filed against President Arroyo, businessman Jose “Joey” De Venecia III sent a warning to the congressmen who voted against the impeachment: “You may have won this battle, but the war is far from over.” He then instructed his secretary to prepare the draft… of his biography.

Joey’s Threat II
Jose “Joey” De Venecia III sent another warning to all congressmen who voted against the impeachment case. He said, “Look into the horizon and you will see a tidal wave of people angered by the abuses of this administration. Beware, lest that tidal wave turn into a tsunami that will swamp you all.” Now, isn’t that stupid? Talking about “waves” and “tsunamis” while addressing a float of crocodiles?

Velarde’s Threat Too
El Shaddai leader Mike Velarde threatened to mobilize a million of his followers in street protests if President Arroyo’s allies insist on amending the constitution. Malacañang was a bit shaken by the threat. While high-ranking palace officials knew the government is good at making fools of Filipinos, Mike Velarde does it better.

Jocjoc Rearrested
The Senate sergeant-at-arms rearrested former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Jocjoc” Bolante for contempt. The arrest warrant was served at the office of Bolante’s lawyers in Makati City. It took several minutes before Jocjoc faced the arresting officers… mainly because his lawyers couldn’t agree on what body part he should clutch this time: his head or his stomach.

Jocjoc Rearrested II
In a statement following his arrest, Jocjoc Bolante pointed out that he was still under detention by virtue of an arrest order issued by the 13th Congress. But with the new arrest order, Bolante said, “I am now on double arrest.” His lawyers are verifying reports Sen. Manuel Villar had something to do with it.

Actor Remarries
Actor Raymond Bagatsing, the estranged husband of Lara Fabregas, remarried in the United States. He wed a 60-year-old woman named Cora Pastrana. When Hayden Kho saw the photos of the newly weds on TV, he fainted. For a second, he thought he saw his future.

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I eat death threats for breakfast.
~Miriam Defensor-Santiago

WALK OUT

GMA and Clinton
In Hong Kong now for the Clinton Global Initiative forum, President Arroyo was reportedly praised by former US President Bill Clinton for “looking 30 years younger.” Mrs. Arroyo is 61 now. So, 61 minus 30… I can’t believe it. Did she look like an intern when she was 31?

Former US President Bill Clinton was all praises for President Arroyo at the Clinton Global Initiative forum describing her as “looking 30 years younger.” When Press Secretary Jesus Dureza heard this, he said, “I told you, kaya pa niya ng two more terms.”

House Votes on Impeachment
At press time, 11 opposition members who voted NO to the junking of the impeachment complaint against President Arroyo left the session hall without explaining their vote. Congw. Darlene Custodio said, “The people know our stand. We need not explain.” The “walk out” was not seen live on TV because ABS-CBN News Channel (ANC) did not have a live plenary vote coverage unlike last year where the marathon session was broadcast live. Asked about the perceived “live coverage boycott,” ABS-CBN news execs say, “The people know our stand. We need not explain.”

Running Priest
Activist-priest Fr. Robert Reyes dropped by the House of Representatives and prayed for the success of the impeachment complaint against President Arroyo. Reyes did the same thing for each of the last three impeachment cases, which were all junked. The current complaint is expected to suffer the same fate. Some anti-GMA solons are reportedly filing a resolution seeking to bar Reyes from getting anywhere near Batasan Complex if another impeachment complaint is filed next year.

Jamby in Thailand?
Aides of Sen. Jamby Madrigal have revealed that the senator is in politically turbulent Thailand now. The aides say they are having a hard time communicating with Jamby for two days now… which is actually nothing compared to her own husband who’s been complaining of the same thing for six years now.

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Censure is often useful, praise is often deceitful.
~Winston Churchill