LAST WORDS

BEFORE HE TOOK his last breath, Theodore Roosevelt uttered, “Put out the light.” George Bernard Shaw murmured, “I want to sleep.” And shortly before his fatal car crash, James Dean was quoted to have said, “My fun days are over.” Locally, how could showbiz writers forget the infamous suicide note of ‘80s bold star Stella Strada? Her final words? “This is a crazy planets!” Here’s an updated version of my blog post last year titled…

Top 12 Last Words and Deathbed Statements of Local Celebrities

12: Bro. Mike Velarde: “Gagaleeeeng! Lalakas! Gagaleng! Lalak… uk…uk…ugh!”

11: Sen. Francis Pangilinan: “Hiwalay kung hiwalay!”

10: John Lapus: “Doc, totoo bang mamamatay na ako? Yes or No? Don’t Lie to Me!

9: Nora Aunor: (Hallucinating) “Ding ang bato! Ihagis mo sa akin ang bato!”

8: Sen. Manuel Villar: “Cynthia… sa araw ng aking libing, gusto ko idaan n’yo ang aking funeral procession… sa C5!”

7: Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano: “Arf! Arf! Arf!”

6: Sen. Jamby Madrigal: (While gasping for her last breath) “A-a-attorney, pppa-pakibago ng la-la-last will and tetes-testament ko. I have me-me-made a de-de-decision a-a-attorney. Nobody de-dedeserves to inherit my ma-ma-money except – for myself! Akin lahat ang mana!”

5: Joseph Estrada: “Hik!”

4: Ret. PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz: “Sweetheart, ‘yong makukulektang abuloy, paki-convert sa euro huh.”

3: Jocjoc Bolante: “I am prepared to face death… in the proper forum.”

2: Cong. Jose De Venecia: “I swear! This is it na talaga! I’m now ready to tell the truth no matter who gets hurt! May oras pa ba?” (And then he dies)

And the No. 1 last words and deathbed statement of local celebrities…

1: President Arroyo: (in her deathbed, when doctors asked how she felt) “My respiratory fundamentals are very strong. I have become more resilient amid the global health crisis. I will survive this.”

See also: Deathbed Declarations of Contemporary Politicians and Celebrities

Here Comes the Bribe, er Bride

Reports say Luli Arroyo will wed her banker boyfriend next year.

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Never take life too seriously; after all, no one gets out of it alive.
– Elbert Hubbard

IT’S JOC TIME!

Jocjoc Bolante is Back
Former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante is back in the country. Upon his arrival, the very prompt eight-member team from the Office of the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms read the Upper Chamber’s order for his arrest. The first line of the arrest order reads, “We, the Senators of the Republic of the Philippines, fooled by Eliseo De La Paz last week, vow not to be fooled for the second consecutive week.”

Former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante arrived Tuesday night. In his arrival statement, Jocjoc said, “Now that I am back, I assure you that I will answer any and all accusations at the proper forum. I am ready to face the issues and all the malicious accusations against me.” He then denied rumors that ex-PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz wrote that statement for him.

When he is discharged from the hospital, Jocjoc Bolante will be detained at the Senate. A Philippine Star report says the detention room has air-conditioning unit, a bed, cable TV, electric fan, conference table, book shelf, white board, single bed, and two sofas. Nope, we’re not describing Claudio Teehankee Jr’s cell at the New Bilibid Prisons.

The Quezon City Police District has deployed its personnel to provide round-the-clock security for former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Joc-joc” Bolante. The Senate has also sent eight men to protect him. Can anyone please check if there’s any security guy left for UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon?

An Inquirer report says former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante’s house in the posh Ayala Alabang village showed no sign that his homecoming would be festive. The uninhabited 80 million peso-mansion of the alleged architect of the “fertilizer fund scam” is adorned by ornamental plants, palm trees… and a couple of scarecrows.

Unconfirmed reports say the St. Luke’s Medical Center has released its latest medical bulletin on the health condition of former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante. His blood test showed unusual quantities of nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium (N-P-K).

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada and his nun friends from La Salle wanted to visit Jocjoc Bolante at St. Luke’s Medical Center but the security was really tight. So tight that it’s reportedly even tighter than Lozada’s nun friends.

Like Hollywood’s notorious paparazzi, dozens of media men and women swooped in on former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante when he arrived at the NAIA last night. Next to Chris Tiu, Bolante is perhaps the most talked-about Atenean at this moment.

Finally!
Jocjoc Bolante has finally been returned. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long we have waited, when Bolante fled the country, he looked like First Gentleman Mike Arroyo. When he arrived, he looked more like Joker Arroyo.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it was, lawyer Harry Roque’s waist line was still 27 when it all started.

Jocjoc Bolante is back guys. Finally, he’s back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been, the price of gasoline was at the 25 pesos per liter level when he left.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this moment to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been: when Jocjoc Bolante left the country, Jose De Venecia was still GMA’s caddie when she played golf in China.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this moment to arrive. To give you an idea how long it has been: when Jocjoc Bolante left the country, Rustom Padilla was still straight.

Elsewhere

Check out the Guitar Hero World Tour advertisement featuring Michael Phelps, Tony Hawk, Alex Rodriguez and of course, THE Kobe Bryant.

One Flu Over the Cute-cute’s Nest
The Professional Heckler is currently down with flu.
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He who holds the ladder is as bad as the thief.
– German Proverb

ALIBIS

The “Euro Generals” Controversy
First, retired PNP director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz said the 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash he was caught carrying in Moscow was “a cash advance.” DILG Sec. Ronaldo Puno then claimed it was part of the PNP delegation’s “contingency fund.” Came the Senate hearing last Thursday where PNP Director General Jesus Versoza denied having knowledge of both the source and purpose of the money. A day later though, Versoza was saying it was actually intended for the purchase of intelligence equipment. That doesn’t stop there though. Exclusive! The Professional Heckler has obtained a copy of Puno and Versoza’s prepared joint statements on the Moscow mess to be released daily for the rest of the week:
Monday: “One of the generals’ wives has cancer and the money was for her surgery. How could you be so heartless people? Understand her situation.”

Tuesday: “Remember the recent report about an unidentified Davaoeño who won the 130 million peso-jackpot in super lotto? That’s actually him! Oo, si De La Paz ‘yon! The money’s part of the windfall.”

Wednesday: “The media got it all wrong. It’s their flawed story that’s to blame. Yes, De La Paz was carrying cash but it’s not 105,000 euro. It’s actually 105,000 Japanese yen. That’s a measly 54 thousand 603 pesos.”

Thursday: “The money was planted by Communist sympathizers in Moscow. Definitely, a black propaganda diabolically designed by the CPP-NPA against the military.”

Friday: “Generals in Moscow? What the hell are you talking about? They did not leave the country!”

The “Euro Generals” II
The Senate committee on foreign relations has found the Philippine delegation to the 77th Interpol Assembly in Russia guilty. That was perhaps the fastest Senate probe yet. The only thing faster was PNP Chief Versoza’s change of statements.

JDV and Impeachment
Cong. Jose De Venecia repeatedly refused to endorse his son, Jose “Joey” De Venecia III’s impeachment complaint against President Arroyo because of delicadeza. On Saturday however, October 25, he held a press conference to announce his endorsement of the complaint because his “conscience” got the better of him. In other words, nakunsensya siya. Hindi pala niya kayang magpanggap na meron s’yang delicadeza.

JDV and Impeachment II
Days ago, Cong. Jose De Venecia said no, he wouldn’t endorse the impeachment complaint against President Arroyo. Today, De Venecia is saying yes, he’s endorsing it. If JDV didn’t run for congress, he’ll be the perfect PNP chief.

Niño Muhlach on Liezel Martinez
Actor Niño Muhlach has confirmed rumors his first cousin Liezel Martinez has breast cancer. Niño expressed confidence she will overcome the disease. The former child wonder also mentioned his closeness to his Ate Liezel saying they have so many things in common. Just like now, Liezel is under medication; Niño is on drugs.

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If one cannot invent a really convincing lie, it is often better to stick to the truth.
- Angela Thirkell

ETHICAL

NTC vs. ABS-CBN
For airing an interview with wanted MILF leader Kumander Bravo, the National Telecommunications Commission filed a complaint to the KBP against ABS-CBN. The NTC says the network violated the KBP’s Broadcast Code of 2007 particularly the provision that states, “”broadcast facilities shall not be used or allowed to be used for advocating the overthrow of government by force or violence,” and “the broadcast of materials which tend to incite treason, rebellion, sedition or create civil disorder or disturbance is prohibited.” This marks the first time NTC officials filed such a complaint against ABS-CBN… which could only mean one thing: they haven’t actually listened to DZMM’s “Tambalang Failon and Sanchez.”

NTC vs. ABS-CBN II
The NTC filed a complaint to the KBP against ABS-CBN for airing an interview with rogue MILF leader Kumander Bravo who is wanted by the military. But ABS-CBN News head Maria Ressa insists that the Kumander Bravo interview is a legitimate and ethical story and that ABS-CBN will not suspend the airing of his interviews… unless he starts talking about Nadia Montenegro’s love life.

NTC vs. ABS-CBN III
ABS-CBN successfully located and interviewed rogue MILF commander Bravo who has a 10 million-peso bounty on his head and is wanted by the Armed Forces of the Philippines. Outraged military officials who watched the interview vowed to intensify the info gathering and massive manhunt for Bravo in the Lanao Provinces, and soon at the ABS-CBN newsroom.

Meralco’s Power Rate Hike
Amid difficult times, the Lopez-owned Manila Electric Company or Meralco implemented a 36 percent power rate increase. Militant leader Rafael Mariano described the increase as “deceitful.” Cong. Mikey Arroyo believed it was “unjustified.” ABS-CBN News said it was “legitimate and ethical.”

“Euro Generals” Controversy
Retired Philippine National Police director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz underwent normal arrival procedures at the NAIA when he arrived Tuesday. Airport manager Angel Atutubo said De La Paz was not treated as a VIP and not a single marshal was assigned to escort him. Atutubo was understandably being careful… because the last time he escorted someone out of the airport, the La Salle Brothers accused him of kidnapping!

“Euro Generals” Controversy II
This has yet to be confirmed but retired PNP director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz will reportedly bring to the Senate what’s left of the undeclared 6.9 million pesos cash he was caught carrying in Moscow. To be sure it’s the real stuff, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago wanted to hire canines to sniff out the money. But Sen. Panfilo Lacson said there’s no need for a K9 unit… as long as Senators Alan Peter and Joker Arroyo are there.

“Euro Generals” Controversy III
Retired PNP director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz and DILG Sec. Ronaldo Puno have conflicting claims with regard to the 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash De La Paz carried while in Russia. De La Paz said the money was a “cash advance” while Puno claimed it was a “contingency” fund. But De La Paz’ wife, Maria Fe who traveled with him to Russia said, “I couldn’t really tell whether it was a cash advance or a contingency fund because when my husband handed me the money, he just said, “Sweetheart, ingatan mo ‘to… pang-shopping!”

Jocjoc to be Deported
US authorities will deport former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante before the end of October. But Bolante’s legal counsel Ira Azulay refused to reveal the exact return date saying, “We’re concerned about his safety.” That’s actually a valid concern… because if he gets “kidnapped” when he arrives at the NAIA, he cannot expect support from the La Salle Brothers. He’s Atenean.

Jocjoc to be Deported 2
Lawyer Harry Roque is all over the news again announcing with certainty that former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante will be deported in 24 hours. I know for a fact that Roque’s a UP professor (and I admire him) but I didn’t know he’s with the US Department of Homeland Security.

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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
- Plato

RELAX, SEE A MOVIE

Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be 2

20: ex-Sen. Ramon Revilla Sr.: Staying Alive

19: Vicki Belo & Ellen Lising: House of Wax

18: DOJ Sec. Raul Gonzales: The Jerk

17: Sen. Antonio Trillanes: Chasing Liberty

16: Tim Yap/DJ Montano: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

15: Mrs. Rose Flaminiano: Super Size Me

14: The Gucci Gang with the special participation of Ms. Nora Aunor: Romancing the Stone

13: Shell, Petron, and Caltex: Liar Liar

12: ABS-CBN News’ Maria Ressa: The Punisher

11: Nadia Montenegro: Grease

10: Doña Mary Ejercito: 10,000 BC

9: Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada: The Man Who Knew Too Much

8: Sen. Lito Lapid: Artificial Intelligence

7: ex-Sen. John Osmeña: Girl, Interrupted

6: (tie) MILF’s Kumander Bravo and Umbra Kato: Psycho and Jose “Joey” De Venecia III: V for Vendetta

5: Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal: Sister Act

4: Sen. Manuel Villar: Two for the Road

3: Sens. Loren Legarda & Edgardo Angara: An Inconvenient Truth

2: Claudio Teehankee Jr.: While You Were Sleeping

And the No. 1 movie casting choice that was meant to be…

1: Sen. Francis Pangilinan: Unfaithful

See also The Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be

CONTINGENCY FUND

PNP’s “Contingency Fund” Mess
Former PNP comptroller Eliseo dela Paz (who attended the 77th Interpol Assembly in St. Petersburg) has been cleared by Russian custom officials after he and his wife were questioned for two hours in Moscow for carrying 105,000 thousand euros or 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash. De La Paz was allowed to leave despite the fact that he was able to answer only one of two questions poised by Russian officials: One, “Why are you carrying that huge amount of money? And two, “What the f*ck is your wife doing at the Interpol conference?”

PNP’s “Contingency Fund” Mess II
Former PNP comptroller Eliseo de la Paz who was attending an Interpol conference in Moscow was questioned along with his wife, by Russian customs officials for carrying 105,000 thousand euros 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash. De La Paz said a portion of the money was from a friend who asked him to buy watches. PNP spokesman Chief Supt. Nicanor Bartolome claimed it was “travel contingency fund” that came from the PNP. President Arroyo announced the money came from the World Bank.

PNP’s “Contingency Fund” Mess III
According to reports, former PNP comptroller Eliseo de la Paz, who was questioned for two hours in Russia for carrying 105,000 thousand euros or 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash, will reportedly return to Manila on Tuesday, October 21. But De La Paz was quick to deny the report saying it was impossible for him to return on Tuesday… because his wife is not done shopping yet.

Top 7 Movies Starring Former PNP Comptroller Eliseo de la Paz and his Wife

7: You Don’t Mess with the Russian

6: Invasion of the Money Snatchers

5: The Lord of Laundering: The Two Robbers

4: Harry Potter and Wallet on Fire

3: The Year of Shopping Dangerously

2: Mamma Millions!

And the No. 1 movie starring former PNP comptroller Eliseo de la Paz and his wife…

1: BELAT: Cultural Learnings of Russia for Make Benefit Notorious Police Officers of Pilipina

In Other News…
Loren and Angara
Asked by showbiz reporters if there’s truth to persistent rumors linking her to Sen. Edgardo Angara, Sen Loren Legarda replied, “Diyos ko naman! Galing na nga ako sa matanda. Pupunta pa ba ako sa mas matanda?” When Senator Angara heard this, he said, “Hoy! Mas bata naman ako nang makuha kita ‘no!”

Davao Millionaire
The lone winner in last week’s super lotto draw has reportedly claimed the jackpot prize. That makes him the Filipino with the biggest amount of money in his hands right now. Coming in at second is former PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz.

Joey-Willie Bury Hatchet
Fierce rivals Willie Revillame and Joey De Leon, whose fiery and nasty exchange made headlines recently have reportedly “kissed and made up” during an event held at Tim Yap’s Embassy Super Club. Skeptics however have doubted the sincerity of the two hosts… because if it happened at Embassy, there’s a huge chance they were just drugged.

Elsewhere…
Check out this hilarious video. Garden wedding, anyone?

Are you familiar with Patani, the overexposed Survivor Philippines castaway/outcast? Check out her unedited Friendster profile.

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Money: There’s nothing in the world so demoralizing as money.
- Sophocles

KARMA

ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host
ABS-CBN suspended the talent contract of libel convict and TV/radio host Cristy Fermin following her explosive tirade against actress Nadia Montenegro which the network said violated the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity. In another report dismissed as “unrelated” by Fermin herself, Kris Aquino has reportedly issued a statement saying, “God is really good and God knows how much I have missed The Buzz.”

ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host II
Libel convict Cristy Fermin has been suspended by ABS-CBN “for violating the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity.” She’ll neither appear on “The Buzz” nor host her radio program on DZMM. Likewise, she’ll automatically be barred from entering the province of Rizal… unless the governor lifts the ban on the entry of Metro Manila garbage.

ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host III
Less than a week after ABS-CBN News boss Maria Ressa fired Cristy Fermin’s protégé – showbiz columnist Ogie Diaz for violating the network’s code of ethics, ABS-CBN Entertainment suspended Fermin for violating the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity. Last month, the network also suspended news executive Luchi Cruz-Valdez and Ces Drilon was also suspended for disobeying her superiors. With these recent developments, ABS-CBN insiders are left with one question: “Bakit sobrang lakas ng kapit ni Willie Revillame?”

ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host IV
After dismissing tabloid columnist Ogie Diaz, ABS-CBN suspended Cristy Fermin. Network executives were quick to deny allegations… of “ethnic cleansing.”

Dangerous Places
The International Federation of Journalists says Iraq is still the most dangerous place in the world for journalists followed by the African nation of Somalia. In close third was ABS-CBN.

Madonna-Guy Ritchie Divorce
British newspapers say Madonna and Guy Ritchie are splitting up. The rumor intensified when Madonna was spotted in Hong Kong with her make-up artist.

Madonna-Guy Ritchie Divorce II
British newspapers say Madonna and Guy Ritchie are splitting up. Local newspapers are not buying it though… unless Fanny Serrano issues a confirmation.

Top RP Universities
Overtaking the University of the Philippines System, Ateneo De Manila University topped the 2008 survey of Philippine universities conducted by The Times Higher Education-Quacquarelli Symonds (THE-QS). Perennnial frontrunner UP System doubted the survey saying it did not participate this year after THE-QS asked for an advertising fee of $49,000 or P2M pesos. Distant third placer De La Salle University also issued a statement on Ateneo’s feat. It blamed the referees.

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People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.
- Edith Wharton

FOR THE FOURTH TIME

Impeachment Complaint vs. GMA
Losing NBN contract bidder Jose “Joey” De Venecia III said there “was nothing political” about his filing of a new impeachment complaint against President Arroyo. So ano ‘yon? Showbiz?!?

Unknown to many, lawyer Oliver Lozano did try to submit his impeachment complaint ahead of the De Venecia group last Monday. Unfortunately though, he arrived late because his driver plied the C5 route instead of Edsa. It was too late for them to realize they were driving along the “road to nowhere.”

Losing NBN bidder Jose “Joey” De Venecia III, former congressman Rolex Suplico and lawyer Harry Roque led the filing of a new impeachment complaint against President Arroyo. Nine more and the opposition’s senatorial slate for 2010 is complete.

House Speaker Prospero Nograles and Minority Floor Leader Ronaldo Zamora both stressed, “The impeachment is a numbers game,” to which former president Joseph Estrada said, “Talaga? Kelan pa?!? Paano mag-franchise?”

President Arroyo is facing yet another impeachment complaint. That’s the fourth time her critics have tried to unseat her and the fourth time actor Rez Cortez tried to resurrect his career.

According to reports, Joey De Venecia woke up a bit early to file the impeachment complaint against Mrs. Arroyo. Close friends however claim, Joey had no sleep when he went to Batasan. He’s gotten used to it though. You know… habit. (Itanong n’yo pa kay Luli.)

GMA’s Ratings
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 27% are satisfied and 54% are dissatisfied with President Arroyo’s performance. The remaining 19% replied, “Aba malay ko! Ako ba ang asawa niya?!”

Loren Online
Reports say Sen. Loren Legarda has formally launched her Friendster, Myspace, and Multiply accounts as well as her official website. But Legarda denied it had something to do with her political plans for 2010. It’s just her latest effort to… “romantically move on.”

Loren Online II
Reports say Sen. Loren Legarda has opened accounts in three social networking sites: Friendster, MySpace, and Multiply… to which Sen. Jamby Madrigal said, “Hmpf! Gaya-gaya! Matagal na kaya akong may Downelink!”

Sulpicio vs. PAGASA
The Manila RTC junked the case filed by Sulpicio Lines against the local weather bureau, PAGASA. Sulpicio Lines has blamed the MV Princess of the Stars tragedy to PAGASA’s alleged inaccurate forecast… to which the court said, “Tandaan: Ang maniwala sa sabi-sabi walang bait sa sarili.”

Strict Policies
I don’t know if you’ve heard the news but ABS-CBN News bigwig Maria Ressa has fired Umagang Kayganda showbiz segment host Ogie Diaz for reportedly violating their code of ethics. Diaz is just unfortunate he’s part of Ressa’s team. If he were part of the senate, he’d surely keep his post.

Strict Policies II
For violating the news department’s code of ethics, tv host Ogie Diaz was sacked from Umagang Kayganda by ABS-CBN News boss Maria Ressa. If Ressa were head of ABS-CBN Entertainment, the Lopez network would be a virtual ghost town.

I Witnessed…
… Sen. Jamby Madrigal and husband Eric Valade in our special screening of the Diane Lane-Richard Gere starrer Nights in Rodanthe at Powerplant Cinema earlier this evening. Jamby approached us and asked if she could attend the by-invitation-only screening although she didn’t have tickets. We let them in. She looked haggard. Para silang mag-tiya ng kanyang asawa. She likes movies pala. I might send her invites to our sneak preview of “Twilight.”

Finally…
After 23 days, I’ve claimed my 2008 Philippine Blog Awards trophy.

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Crime does not pay … as well as politics.
- Alfred Newman

MEGA DENY

Impeachment and GMA
Losing National Broadband Network contract bidder Jose “Joey” De Venecia III said he would lead the filing of an impeachment complaint against President Arroyo. Personally though, I can think of a hundred and one reasons why this particular complaint would fail… and Joey De Venecia is all of them.

Impeachment and GMA II
Three-term congressman and now, Iloilo vice governor Rolex Suplico, a complainant like Joey De Venecia said, “We wish to send the very strong message to the president that one cannot steal and get away with it.” If that’s true, then why is he still at large?

Noli for Prexy?
Asked about his plans for 2010, vice president Noli De Castro said, “I don’t know.” And then added, “Ako, ‘di naman ako nangarap maging senador pero naging senador ako. ‘Di naman ako nangarap maging vice president, pero naging vice president ako. ‘Yong destiny na ang masusunod.” Apparently, De Castro and the Filipino people have similar fates: Ang mga Pilipino, hindi siya pinangarap maging senador, pero naging senador siya. Hindi siya pinangarap maging vice president, pero naging vice president siya. Kasalanan ng destiny ‘yan eh!

Not True
Sen. Francis Pangilinan and megastar Sharon Cuneta have both denied reports their marriage is over. Ironically though, they issued the denial… separately.

Top 5 Signs Sen. Francis Pangilinan and Sharon Cuneta Have Separated

5: Angeli Pangilinan stops sending daily Biblical text quotes to sister-in-law Sharon Cuneta.

4: Senator Pangilinan starts going out with the very single… Mommy Elaine! (‘Sing laki, pero ‘di ’sing mahal)

3: A special episode of the talk show “Sharon” talks about the secrets of being hot and handsome and will feature as guests Robin Padilla, Gabby Concepcion, and Richard Gomez.

2: When news of the separation reached the Senate, members of Senator Pangilinan’s staff as well as the Senate press corps all shouted, “Burger! Burger! Burger!”

And the No. 1 sign Sen. Francis Pangilinan and Sharon have separated…

1: Sharon changes her Myspace status from “Married” to “It’s complicated” while Senator Pangilinan modifies his Friendster status from “Married” to “Just Looking Around.”

“You’re My Number 1?”
(Revised Nido jingle as interpreted by Senator Kiko for Sharon)

Note: I want you to enjoy this piece so please click this link first (open in a new window) so you could sing with musical accompaniment.

Look at me hon
Campaigning in the sun
Hope that one day
I’ll be number one

And there’s no treasure
That i will cherish like yours

And when i smile
They all see you glow
’Though they all know
You’re not my only one

My one and only joy
Is to make you my toy

(Bridge)
My one wish for you
Campaign, through and through
I need you and the votes that bring joy
That’s all I want to see so clearly

Look at me hon
Smiling in the sun
Waiting for that day
I’ll be number one.

Have a great week ahead!

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Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
- Henry Louis Mencken

MEGA SPLIT?

Jamby vs. Villar
Earlier this week, Sen. Jamby Madrigal filed an ethics complaint against Sen. Manuel Villar… but the Ethics Committee immediately dismissed it after reading the portion of the complaint that stated, “If the Senate President is ousted from the Senate, the complainant, Sen. Ana Consuelo Madrigal-Valade will be entitled to a portion of Villar’s wealth acquired through the development of the C5 road.”

Kiko, Sharon Split Up?
Unconfirmed reports say the 12-year marriage of Sen. Francis Pangilinan and megastar Sharon Cuneta is over. Kiko’s close friends were shocked by the report; Sharon’s closest friends were even more shocked the marriage lasted that long.

Kiko, Sharon Split Up? II
Makeup artist Fanny Serrano who’s currently in Hong Kong with his friend, Sharon Cuneta denied rumors that his megastar friend and husband Francis Pangilinan have separated. But showbiz insiders believe otherwise considering that Cuneta has been spending more time now with Fanny than with Kiko.

Kiko, Sharon Split Up? III
Rumors say Sen. Francis Pangilinan and megastar Sharon Cuneta have called it quits. Mrs. Rose Flaminiano is blaming Gabby Concepcion.

For Everybody
At the height of the alleged “double budget insertions” controversy, Senator Villar’s S&T slogan has spawned a variety of meanings. There’s Singit at Taga (coined by Senator Lacson, I believe), and C5 at Taga (I first read in Neal Cruz’ PDI column).

But there’s more. I’ve come up with S&T meanings for other local personalities. Enjoy reading!

What started it all… Sen. Manuel Villar: Sipag at Tiyaga

President Arroyo: Suka at T*e (Read: Upset stomach)

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: Salvage at Tingga (Bang!)

Joseph Estrada: Sugal at Toma (Hik!)

First Gentleman Mike Arroyo: Sumpa at Taba

DOJ Sec. Raul Gonzales: Sira at Tanda

Nora Aunor: Sha*u at Tungga

Finally, (And apologies for the language)…

John Osmena: Subo at Ts*pa

Enjoy your weekend!

DICK

Gordon for President?
A Philippine Daily Inquirer report says Sen. Richard “Dick” Gordon has thrown his hat into the ring claiming there’s a clamor for him from some sectors to seek the presidency. Gordon vowed to identify those sectors as soon as they’ve been informed of their supposed clamor.

Top 5 Rejected Slogans for a Richard Gordon Presidential Campaign T-Shirt

5: The DICK everyone loves.

4: Wala sa size ‘yan. Nasa performance. Just DICK it!

3: Big DICK. Sharp tongue. Iluklok sa Malacañang!

2: Laging buhay at nakasaludo: DICK sa pagka-pangulo!

And the No. 1 rejected slogan for a Richard Gordon Presidential Campaign T-Shirt

1: Puwedeng pisilin. Puwedeng himasin. ‘Wag lamang gagalitin. That’s my DICK!

The Teehankee Clemency
Anders Hultman, Maureen Hultman’s adoptive father has slammed President Arroyo’s granting of an executive clemency to Claudio Teehankee Jr., the man convicted of the killing of Maureen and her companion in 1991. In an email sent to the Inquirer, Anders said, “Why this president does this only God knows,” to which President Arroyo said, “Don’t drag an innocent being into the controversy. I haven’t talked to Him for a long time.”

The Teehankee Clemency II
Of Teehankee’s release, an irate Sen. Loren Legarda said, “Are we turning into a country that does not respect the law, that abuses its powers of executive clemency?,” to which former president Joseph Estrada said, “So anong problema mo?!?”

Oil Price Rollback?
Oil companies refused to implement a price rollback despite a huge drop in world crude costs citing the “still, fluid situation.” But the militant Bagong Alyansang Makabayan demands an “immediate, substantial oil price rollback” insisting that the drastic drop in oil prices worldwide “undoubtedly” warrants a pump price reduction of at least 7 pesos per liter for diesel, 2 pesos and 30 cents for gasoline, and 8 pesos for kerosene. Gathering those figures was a remarkable effort on the part of Bayan… considering the fact that most of its members actually spend more time marching than getting a ride.

Postscript to a Showbiz Fight
In its online survey, the Philippine Entertainment Portal asked, “Sino ang pinapaniwalaan mo: Cristy Fermin o Nadia Montenegro?” As of 1pm, Wednesday, 67% answered Nadia; 10% answered Cristy, the remaining 23% answered, “Anybody but the oil companies.”

Postscript to a Showbiz Fight II
The Philippine Entertainment Portal asked, “Sino ang mas pinapaniwalaan mo: Cristy o Nadia?” As of 1pm, Wednesday, 67% answered Nadia and 10% answered Cristy. ABS-CBN believes GMA 7 is rigging the survey.

Elsewhere

Manila Standard Today’s Vic Agustin has another blind item and I think i know who’s he referring to. Try guessing.

TOXIC

Melamine and the Senate
After lab tests showed they were free of melamine, 28 dairy products were cleared by the Department of Health. Nope, there’s no truth to the rumor Senate President Manuel Villar was a dairy product… although he’s been cleared.

Toxic Cosmetics?
Three congressmen – Luis Villafuerte, Martin Romualdez, and Aurelio Gonzales have alerted the BFAD over the possibility that cosmetic products in the country — not just milk ingredients from China — might also contain toxic substances. The congressmen sounded the alarm upon seeing the photos of Vicki Belo, Tingting Cojuangco, and Imelda Cojuangco in the society pages of a newspaper.

History of HIV/AIDS
A new study has revealed that the AIDS virus has been circulating among people for about 100 years, decades longer than scientists had thought. When they heard the news, the Chinese people chorused, “O, don’t look at us!”

Salvaged Chemicals
Reports say a total of 402 barrels of endosulfan have been salvaged from the capsized MV Princess of the Stars. When ex-president Joseph Estrada heard this, he said, “Malakas ang kutob ko, involved si Lacson d’yan!”

Cristy vs. Nadia
Gossip columnist and libel convict Cristy Fermin dropped a bombshell on The Buzz today: She said retired actress Nadia Montenegro has another daughter, but her husband, former Kalookan City mayor Boy Asistio is not the father. Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal are reportedly filing a Senate resolution to investigate the matter.

Cristy Fermin vs. Nadia Montenegro II
Gossip columnist and libel convict Cristy Fermin has revealed that Nadia Montenegro gave birth not only to five children as she has claimed but to six kids. The Asistios called it a shame. Showbiz columnists described it as a shocker. The Catholic Church wants Nadia to be their spokesperson against the Reproductive Health Bill.

Cristy Fermin vs. Nadia Montenegro III
In an ongoing online survey, the Philippine Entertainment Portal asked, “Sino ang mas pinapaniwalaan mo, si Cristy o si Nadia?” As of 11:30PM Monday, 61% answered Nadia; 14% answered Cristy and the rest said, Lacson.

Chris Tiu Hates Porn
Interviewed by entertainment editor Ricky Lo, Ateneo Blue Eagle hotshot and TV host Christ Tiu revealed that he has never seen a pornographic movie saying, “Nasusuka talaga ako sa mga gano’n.” He also told Ricky Lo that one time, when his friends watched porn, he just ran away. The title of the movie: “La Salle Scandal.”

Chris Tiu Hates Porn II
In an interview published October 5 in the Philippine Star, Ateneo Blue Eagle star and TV host Chris Tiu revealed that he has not seen porn and does not intend to see one. The college heartthrob explained, “Nasusuka ako sa mga ganoon,” to which priests from Ateneo said, “Talaga? Bakit naman kami hindi?”

Chris Tiu Hates Porn III
Asked by entertainment columnist Ricky Lo if he has seen a pornographic movie, Ateneo hotshot and TV host Chris Tiu said, “Never. Nasusuka ako sa gano’n.” Ricky Lo agreed.

__________
Hypocrisy is a fashionable vice, and all fashionable vices pass for virtue.
- Moliere

SCARY

RP, China and the Milk Scare
Rep. Monico Puentevella, the chief of mission of the Philippine Olympic delegation said Filipino athletes who participated in the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, China should take medical tests to check if they drank melamine-laced milk during their stay in the communist state. Malacañang is reportedly inclined to heed the suggestion but only after tests have been conducted on Mr. & Mrs. Arroyo, Jose De Venecia, Gina De Venecia and Benjamin Abalos.

Ramon Revilla Sr. Suffers Stroke
Last Tuesday morning, former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. suffered a stroke or the sudden death of brain cells due to inadequate blood flow. The unfortunate incident thus debunked persistent rumor there was nothing inside Revilla’s skull.

Interviewed by GMA 7, Sen. Bong Revilla said, “Ang fear namin, baka hindi na mabalik ang dati niyang pag-iisip,” to which doctors at St. Luke’s said, “He won’t be losing much anyway.”

Elsewhere

Newsbreak Online thinks Panfilo Lacson’s anti-Villar stance has something to do with Cavite politics.

Cocktales reveals more on the Maria Ressa-Luchi Cruz-Valdez rift.

My Lost Cellphone
Around 12:30pm today (Friday), I lost my Smart cellphone. Contacts, photos, music, videos, everything was there. Nope, there was no sleazy videos. (Thank goodness I erased them! *wink*) So I immediately visited a Smart wireless center and asked for a replacement SIM (I had a postpaid line). I then went to a phone store and scouted for a new one. It was getting late so I decided to just return tomorrow. In short, I wasn’t able to buy one. Around 10PM, someone buzzed me in Yahoo Messenger. I thought she’s a follower of my blog so I approved her “Add Request.” And then she started typing a message, “good evening sir, did you happen to lose a phone today?” I was stunned! She found my cellphone in a taxicab! Wow!

So allow me to salute this honest, Political Science major from the University of the Philippines who found my phone: Justine Millare. Nawa’y dumami pa ang mga katulad mo! Mabuhay ka!

__________
Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast; in the stream where you least expect it, there will be a fish.
- Ovid