PHENOMENAL PACQUIAO

Manny Pacquiao Wins

Manny Pacquiao snatched the WBC lightweight title from David Diaz. Diaz reportedly earned 800 thousand dollars from the fight, his biggest paycheck ever. But that’s still nothing compared what GMA 7 & Solar Sports earned.

Mexican-American David Diaz gave no excuses after losing his WBC lightweight title. If Diaz were a Pinoy politician, Pacquiao would now be facing poll fraud allegations.

Filipino boxing hero Manny Pacquiao won his fourth world title yesterday. Pacquiao’s impressive victory has silenced David Diaz, Diaz’ American supporters, the Mexican community, – and Recah Trinidad.

Postscript to a Sea Tragedy

A day after MV Princess of the Stars sank, Sulpicio Lines blamed the Philippine Coast Guard for the mishap. The next day, the management said it was an “act of God.” Then last Friday, the company was blaming the local weather bureau, PAG-ASA. Surviving relatives of the ill-fated ship’s passengers must prepare: they’re next.

Sulpicio Lines is suing PAG-ASA for gross negligence. If the court dismisses the case, Sulpicio Lines is suing typhoon “Frank.”

Sulpicio Lines has blamed nature, the Philippine Coast Guard, and the weather bureau for the maritime mishap that struck its vessel Princess of the Stars. The company’s so confused it’s blaming everybody. Now that would be much easier if Sulpicio Lines’ owners were leftists. They’ve only got GMA to blame.

Gloria and Obama

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama sent President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo a letter of apology for being unable to meet with her because of his busy schedule. Simply put, she’s not a priority.

Sen. Barack Obama apologized to President Arroyo for being unable to meet with her. The letter of apology was dated June 24, two days before their expected meeting. Simply put, pinaghandaan talaga ni Obama – ang ‘di nila pagkikita.

Gloria and McCain

President Arroyo met today with Republican presidential candidate John McCain in Washington DC. The meeting lasted for only about 15 minutes mainly because the 72-year-old McCain has so many other things to do in life with only a few years left here on Earth.

Who’s Your Daddy?!?

Last week, ABS-CBN chair Eugenio “Gabby” Lopez III said reporter Ces Drilon would still have to face administrative sanction for venturing into forbidden territory in violation of her bosses’ orders. Asked what could be the possible penalty, Lopez answered, “it might just be spanking.” “In that case, I will do it myself.” And we thought Ces has suffered enough at the hands of her captors.

ABS-CBN chair Gabby Lopez said Ces Drilon would be sanctioned for violating her bosses at the news department. Asked what could be the possible penalty, Lopez answered, “it might just be spanking; I will do it myself.” In another story dismissed by Lopez as totally unrelated, study showed more female employees of ABS-CBN are sanctioned for various offenses than males, 10 to 1.

ABS-CBN Chair Gabby Lopez said Ces Drilon would have to be sanctioned for “endangering the lives of others” in Sulu. See the double standard there? Ces Drilon “endangered” the lives of others and she’ll be punished. Willie Revillame and Wowowee “took” the lives of others and he was rewarded.

Mike Arroyo’s Birthday

First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo celebrated his 62nd birthday in New York on Saturday, June 28 with only his son Mikey and wife, President Arroyo beside him. But he still had so much fun… primarily because he felt he was with a clone and a clown.

SULPICIO AND MERALCO

The M/V Princess of the Stars Disaster

The sinking of M/V Princess of the Stars was Sulpicio Lines’ fourth maritime disaster. To keep up with its reputation, the Chinese owner will rename the company soon, and call it Soulpicio Lines.

The pilot episode of Harapan, ABS-CBN’s new late-night show hosted by Korina Sanchez and Ted Failon asked the question: “Sino ang dapat sisihin sa paglubog ng M/V Princess of the Stars?” Sulpicio Lines claimed the Coast Guard allowed it to sail. The Coast Guard said PAGASA’s forecast wasn’t accurate. Ted and Korina believe Winston Garcia and the GSIS were to blame.

Top 5 “If Sulpicio Lines were Meralco” Statements

5: It would defy any Coast Guard order to postpone its trip.

4: It wouldn’t compensate surviving relatives of the victims unless the Supreme Court rules otherwise.

3: It would release a series of prints ads explaining that sea tragedies also happen in Cebu, Davao and other areas where commercial sea vessels operate.

2: It would use its radio and TV stations to criticize the typhoon.

And the No. 1 “If Sulpicio Lines were Meralco” statement…

1: Judy Ann Santos would be on television right now comparing a ship sailing in stormy seas to a melting block of ice.

ACTING PRESIDENT

GMA in the US

President Arroyo signed a directive allowing Vice President Noli de Castro to assume the functions of the Office of the President during her 10-day trip to the United States. But the vice president explained he’d be able to act as president only for four days because the first six days, he’d spend reading and understanding the directive.

While in the United States, President Arroyo is reportedly monitoring the typhoon in the country… something that’s almost impossible considering that even PAGASA- which is right there in QC couldn’t even monitor the storm!

Press Secretary Jesus Dureza says although President Arroyo is “concerned” about the weather situation in the Philippines, she would never cut short her US trip. In fact, she’s more concerned about Noli De Castro as acting president.

Postscript to an Abduction

Police say the 5 million peso-ransom paid to the Abu Sayyaf group came from the Oreña family… which is actually good news because if it came from the Lopezes, your June 2008 Meralco billing might just give you a headache.

Authorities are investigating the chartered Seair flight which reportedly delivered two mysterious duffel bags at the Jolo airport the day Ces Drilon et al. were released. Police are checking on reports that one bag contained cash and the other… make-up kit.

Ces Drilon, her cameraman and a Mindanao university professor walked for almost six hours along with their abductors the night they were released. Actually, the kidnappers had an option to let them ride a jeep – if not for the high cost of gas.

Question: How would you know if the armed men who took you hostage are members of the Abu Sayyaf Group?
Answer: They do not address their leader as “boss” or “sir.” They call him “mayor.”

In Entertainment…

YES! Magazine has released its own list of the 100 Most Beautiful People (inspired by PEOPLE magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People). Under the “porcelain” category (recognized for their great skin), there’s Lucy Torres, Bea Alonzo, Lorna Tolentino, and Gretchen Barretto among others. And then there’s Vicki Zubiri, Tingting Cojuangco, Vicky Belo and Imelda Cojuangco under “plastics” category.

Quotable Quote

“That cannot be. We own the bank!”
- Gretchen Barretto when her credit card was declined at Dusit Hotel after having dinner with friends Ruffa Gutierrez and Pops Fernandez, and sister Marjorie Barretto. The controversial actress has since denied ever making that statement.

RELEASED

The Ces Drilon Abduction

With Ces Drilon and her crew now released from captivity, the military and the police will launch an all-out offensive to pursue and neutralize their kidnappers. First target: the Indanan municipal hall in Sulu.

Sen. Loren Legarda is so happy that Ces Drilon has been freed by her abductors… but she is happier she’s getting free pre-election publicity.

Sen. Loren Legarda scored some pogi points when she helped facilitate the release of Ces Drilon et al. This just in: Vice President Noli De Castro requested to shoot two more Pag-IBIG Fund infomercials, Sen. Manny Villar has doubled the number of his own TV spots, and Sen. Panfilo Lacson has demanded additional billboards from Facial Care Center.

ABS-CBN maintained that there was no ransom paid for the release of its news crew. Coming from the same people who couldn’t find any fault in Meralco’s overcharges, that’s too hard to believe.

Ces Drilon revealed that as they left the young kidnappers’ lair, some of them said, “I love you Loren.” The teenage abductors’ gesture flattered Loren who’s become used to getting “I love yous” from dirty old men.

Ces Drilon says she’ll return to work when her mosquito bites have all cleared up. That shouldn’t be a problem if rumors were true that Loren has offered Ces a month-long supply of Lucida DS.

RANSOM

Abu Sayyaf Wants P15-M

Abductors of reporter Ces Drilon, her cameraman, and a university professor are demanding 15 million pesos for their freedom. But Drilon’s employer – the Lopezes refuse to pay the ransom. They’ll just fight the abductors through a series of full-page newspaper ads.

Indanan, Sulu Mayor Alvarez Isnaji was reportedly handpicked by the al-Qaeda-linked Abu Sayyaf to negotiate with the families of the kidnap victims. Isnaji is flattered. He wasn’t trusted that much when he was still with the Abus.

Mayor Alvarez Isnaji said he was able to talk to Ces Drilon who told him about the 15 million peso-ransom demand. Isnaji said Ces sounded very sad… mainly because she’s been in captivity for more than a week now and her stock of mascara is running out fast.

Mayor Isnaji told reporters that Ces Drilon appealed for her release saying she’s been feeling homesick already. Asked by Isnaji what she missed the most, Ces allegedly replied, “Rustan’s.”

This Just In! A new infomercial featuring Judy Ann Santos will be aired soon. The script has been leaked and we’re printing it here first! So here goes…

MERALCO REFUND
Radio 30s

MSC: UP AND UNDER

JUDY ANN SANTOS: Ang paniningil ng bills ng Meralco ay parang kidnapping lang.

SFX: OLD CLIPS OF CES DRILON DOING RADIO REPORTS

JUDY ANN SANTOS: Hindi mo namamalayan, inaagaw na pala sa ‘yo

SFX: CES’ FAMILY APPEALING FOR HER RELEASE

JUDY ANN SANTOS: Pero ang pagbabalik sa labis na singil, hindi dapat minamadali. May negosasyong kailangang gawin. May guidelines na dapat sundin.

SFX: SIREN UP AND UNDER

JUDY ANN SANTOS: Pero ‘wag kang mainip. Darating din ang rescue.

SFX: MORTAR, MACHINE GUNS

JUDY ANN SANTOS: ‘Yun nga lang. ‘Di mo sure kung buhay ka pa pagdating ng refund.

MSC: MERALCO THEME… MAY LIWANAG ANG BUHAY

Parasites

The Department of Health says 5 of 10 schoolchildren have intestinal worms. But that’s nothing compared to persistent rumors that 245 in 250 Batasang Pambansa offices have crocodiles.

ROYAL MALTREATMENT

Princess Revilla Sued

Sen. Bong Revilla’s sister, former actress Princess Revilla has been sued for abusing her 17-year-old maid. In her affidavit, the victim claimed she was repeatedly punched, kicked and pummeled by Princess – prompting movie producers to believe that among the Revillas, this woman’s the genuine action star.

Princess Revilla’s lawyer Raymond Fortun denied the maid’s allegation that she was beaten by the former actress. But then again, Fortun also denied that Erap was Jose Velarde, remember?

Princess Revilla’s victim says when the former actress gets really mad she would grab her broom and whack her. I therefore conclude that this woman is a witch.

Sulu Kidnapping Case

Negotiators paid 100,000 pesos for the “board and lodging” of the ABS-CBN cameraman who was released by kidnappers in Sulu the other day. Of course, that amount would have been higher if the power supplier in the area was Meralco.

ADDERS
Seen: At the UP College of Engineering alumni homecoming yesterday, June 13 – Meralco Chair and CEO Manolo Lopez, Board Member Cesar EA Virata and other Meralco execs I didn’t recognize. Meralco donated a hefty sum to UP. Pogi points. Nope, Judy Ann Santos wasn’t invited.

Heard: Two close friends spent nearly three million pesos EACH when their ill friend was confined at a Metro Manila hospital recently.

Enjoy your weekend!

CES IN THE NEWS

ABS-CBN Crew Abducted

Unconfirmed reports coming from the Abu Sayyaf lair revealed that abducted reporter Ces Drilon is being treated fairly. The terrorists have provided Ces with a well-lit room as well as enough supply of water, food, and cosmetics.

ABS-CBN enforced a news blackout on the abduction of reporter Ces Drilon. The news blackout had to be enforced until such time the Lopezes have decided on what to prioritize: pay the ASG’s ransom demand or refund Meralco consumers’ meter deposit.

ABS-CBN has imposed a news blackout on the abduction of reporter Ces Drilon and two cameramen. But don’t you worry – anytime now, Judy Ann Santos will appear on tv to explain us the situation.

Rumors have it the military might be able to locate Ces Drilon sooner than expected. They are now following a trail – formed by Ces Drilon’s high heels.

President Arroyo has instructed the military to exhaust all means to ensure the safety of Ces Drilon – an instruction she would have not likely ordered if it were Ted or Korina who was kidnapped.

Reports say the Abu Sayyaf Group is demanding a ransom of 10 million pesos for the release of abducted ABS-CBN news crew in Sulu. The Lopezes are unfazed though: what’s 10 million compared to 21.4 billion pesos they’ve overcharged from Meralco consumers?

Briefly Noted

If it were some other people who were abducted by the Abu Sayyaf Group, ABS-CBN would be relentless in reporting every minute detail of the abduction even if it endangered the lives of the kidnap victims. But now that their own people are the ones being held, they wanted news organizations to “embargo” the story. As Alanis Morissette would have asked: Isn’t it ironic?

DA BOY IS DEAD

Rudy Fernandez, 56

Actor Rudy Fernandez who died last Saturday, June 7 will be laid to rest on June 12, Independence Day. Everyone is expected to attend the interment of the beloved action star. His family will be there, his fellow actors will surely come, and ordinary stunt men will be present too. Expected to arrive last are the cops.

Rudy Fernandez is dead at 56. Among the four bosom buddies: Rudy, Philip Salvador, Jinggoy Estrada, Bong Revilla, Daboy is said to be the nicest. I won’t be surprised if Jinggoy dies last.

A couple of friends say Rudy’s well-educated and well-mannered sons, Ralph (Ateneo) and Renz (UP) looked drugged (naka-droga) during the first night of the wake because they barely slept. Or maybe, it wasn’t Ralph or Renz they saw – baka si Mark.

Sen. Bong Revilla said he wished someone shouted cut (just like in a movie shoot) when he felt Rudy was already dying. That’s the exact same thing we had in mind when you were being proclaimed as a senator.

Interviewed on The Buzz, former president Joseph Estrada said, “Kung hindi ako pinatalsik sa puwesto, mananalong mayor ng Quezon City si Rudy.” Nananahimik na ‘yong tao, dinadamay pa sa bitterness.

Reactions to Rudy’s Death

Boots Anson-Roa:“He’s a great loss.”

Gina Alajar: “He’s a big loss.”

Judy Ann Santos: “He’s a systems loss.”

In Other News…

Officials of the Manila Electric Company announced that Meralco customers will get only partial refund of their meter deposits. Meralco’s top priority right now is the full payment of Judy Ann Santos’ huge talent fee.

People are asking why an actress like Judy Ann Santos who absolutely knew nothing about power generation and its costs would appear in a misleading commercial. These people obviously didn’t get it. That’s precisely the reason why Juday was convinced to appear in the commercials – she knows nothing!

Judy Ann Santos continues to appear in Meralco’s infomercials – further fueling speculations that Ted and Korina are not doing their jobs effectively.

Judy Ann Santos continues to appear in Meralco’s infomercials. That’s the best way to complement the efforts of DZMM’s primetime programs.

Mark Lapid’s New Post

Defeated Pampanga gubernatorial candidate Mark Lapid has been appointed as acting general manager of the Philippine Tourism Authority. Don’t expect too much though ‘coz he’s just “acting.”

Enjoy the rest of the week!

GROOMED

Jude Marries, Finally!

Joseph Estrada’s 40-year-old son Jude Estrada takes home a bride. That should finally quell rumors that Erap and Loi actually have two daughters.

Erap’s Advice

During the wedding of his son Jude, former president Joseph Estrada told him, “Limit your children kasi mahal ang bigas.” Jude then hugged his father tightly and whispered, “Dad, thanks a lot! That’s the best advice you’ve given me, ever!”

The Bride’s Promise

At the reception, Jude Estrada’s new wife, Ma. Rowena Ocampo declared, “No matter what they say about you, I will always be here for you.” That’s the exact statement Eric Valade told Jamby Madrigal when they got married in 2002.

Top 5 Things Overheard At the Wedding of Jude Estrada

5: “Pare, ‘wag kang mawalan ng pag-asa sa anak mong tomboy. Malay mo, ikaw naman ang sumunod na makaranas ng himala.”

4: Female Voice: “Hon, anong feeling mo na ikakasal na tayo?”
Male Voice: “Keri lang. Promise.”

3: “Hmmm, siya pala ang bride. Magkano kaya?”

2: “I now pronounce you – Will and Grace, er, I mean, husband and wife.”

And the No.1 thing overheard at the wedding of Jude Estrada…

1: “Daddy, Mommy, Kuya, Ate… siguro naman, maniniwala na kayo ngayon na hindi ako bakla. Tingnan n’yo naman ang asawa ko, ang ganda ganda. Ako ang nag-make up d’yan!”

Pia and Downy

Defending her endorsement of Downy Fabric Softener, Sen. Pia Cayetano said, “I personally lent my name to a good cause, which is saving water.” Today’s lesson: “Huwag itapon ang pinagbanlawan. Gamitin sa susunod na saing.”

Loren On Noli’s Ads

Lucida DS endorser Sen. Loren Legarda slams Vice President Noli De Castro for allegedly spending 200 million pesos in public funds for PAG-IBIG Fund’s advertisements which she describes as being used to promote his political plans. De Castro retaliated by saying that he’s at least promoting housing unlike Legarda who’s promoting whitening.

Pag-IBIG On Noli’s Ads

Pag-IBIG Fund clarified that only 50 million pesos was spent for Vice President Noli De Castro’s public service ads. But Loren Legarda is still furious. Even if she loses half of her body’s melanin pigment, Lucida wouldn’t spend that same amount for her billboards.

Loren on 2010 Polls

Talking about the 2010 presidential elections, Sen. Loren Legarda told the media, “Tatakbo ako. Kahit ayaw nila akong patakbuhin, tatakbo ako.” When Loren’s jailed ex-husband Tony Leviste heard her statement, he blurted out, “Masanay na kayo. Lahat tinatakbuhan n’yan!”

Lakas Line-Up

Lakas leaders released the names of tentative senatorial candidates for the 2010 national elections led by presidential son Mikey Arroyo. After learning about the inclusion of Mikey, thousands of Filipinos expressed support for the no-elections scenario.

JAMBIG

Bigger than ZTE

Sen. Jamby Madrigal believes that the last will and testament of her late aunt Chito Madrigal-Collantes was forged. Earlier last week, Jamby was also quoted to have said that the fortune left behind by the Madrigal matriarch was even bigger than the government’s $300M cancelled contract with ZTE. So don’t be surprised if she embarks on a nationwide “truth” caravan soon.

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring Sen. Jamby Madrigal (With guest appearances by her relatives)

5: Million Dollar Jamby

4: The Devil Wants Mana

3: As Good As Inggit

2: Conned Heir

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Sen. Jamby Madrigal (With guest appearances by her relatives)…

1: The Chronicles of Mana: Prince Lesbian