LOST IN TRANSLATION

Top 12 Filipino Translations of Hollywood Movie Titles (Inspired by the Current Political Turmoil)

12: The Santa Clause: Ang Mabait na si Mike Defensor, Namimigay ng Pera

11: No Country for Old Men: Okay Sana si Salonga, Kaya Lang Matanda Na

10: There Will Be Blood: Bababa Ka Ba sa Puwesto o Hindi?!?

9: To Catch A Thief: Paano Hulihin Ang Unang Ginoo

8: Million Dollar Baby: Ang Kontrata sa ZTE

7: Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Itinakas sa NAIA

6: House of Flying Daggers: Ang Mababang Kapulungan ng Kongreso

5: Close Encounters of the Third Kind: Isang Gabi sa Piling Ni Neri

4: The Fast and the Furious: Mabilis Man Ang PSG, Naisahan Pa Rin Ng Mga Galit Na Madre

3: Liar Liar: Ang Pangulo

2: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Si Lozada, si De Venecia, at si Salceda (Bitch!)

And the No. 1 Filipino Translation of a Hollywood movie title…

1: Deliver Us From Evil: Ilayo Mo Kami sa Malakanyang

AND THE OSCAR GOES TO…

GMA and People Power

President Arroyo snubbed the celebration of the 22nd anniversary of People Power 1 at the People Power monument in Quezon City. That’s exactly the reason why this year’s celebration… was actually more meaningful.

GMA on Corruption

On the eve of the People Power I anniversary, President Arroyo spoke, “Maraming galit sa kurapsyon. Gayon din ako.” That’s the reason why she’s not been talking lately to the First Gentleman.

JDV to GMA: Resign!

Ousted House Speaker Jose De Venecia has joined calls for President Arroyo to step down. Those who care, taas ang kamay.

JDV to GMA: Resign! II

Former House Speaker Jose De Venecia has joined calls for President Arroyo to step down. De Venecia claimed he has given Mrs. Arroyo 100 days to start leading a moral revolution but she ignored him. But to be fair to Mrs. Arroyo, she’s not the only one who ignored him. Everyone did.

Erap to GMA: Resign!

After weeks of dilly-dallying, former president Joseph Estrada has finally joined calls for President Arroyo to resign. Isa ka pa!

Impeachment vs. GMA

Akbayan Rep. Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel said, “If by July, GMA has not resigned, we will file an impeachment case against her.” Fellow solons who heard the threat smiled: they can smell the stench of Christmas in July. (Tawaran portion na naman!)

And the Oscar Goes To…

Diablo Cody won an Oscar for writing the script of the film Juno. Cody was an exotic dancer before today’s win. The exact opposite happened to our own Tessie Aquino-Oreta. She had to win a Senate seat first before she became a dancer.

And the Oscar Goes To… II

In Hollywood, an Oscar was given to a Diablo. Sus! Wala ‘yan! In the Philippines, it’s the presidency.

And the Oscar Goes To… III

Many Filipinos skipped the Edsa rites Monday and stayed home to watch the live telecast of the Oscars… curiously forgetting that joining the celebration would have placed them near some of the country’s best actors and actresses.

For those who missed the telecast of the Academy Awards, here’s the complete list of winners.

I was away for three days so here’s a bonus post:

Top 10 Things That We Really DON’T Want to Know

10: The smell of Sen. Jamby Madrigal’s fingers in the morning

9: How Joey Salceda would look like in a tutu

8: What Miriam Defensor-Santiago utters in bed when she has reached org*sm

7: What Sen. Manny Villar looks like minus his toupee

6: Who is more sexually satisfied: Loi Estrada or Gina De Venecia

5: How Noli De Castro would fare if CNN’s Christiane Amanpour would conduct a one-on-one interview with him on economics and world affairs

4: The total amount of public money spent by congressmen and senators each year to sustain their wives’ and kids’ luxurious lifestyle

3: The exact thing that goes through the mind of the nuns at La Salle Greenhills when they see Jun Lozada in sando and shorts

2: The person whom Romulo Neri considers “the best ever in bed”

And the No. 1 thing we really don’t want to know…

1: Whether the president is a moaner or a screamer

Personal

It’s so inspiring to know that serious journalists are visiting my blog. I’d like to thank Newsbreak peeps for droppin’ by my site and actually quoting a line from my Valentine’s day post in the news magazine’s article posted today, February 25.

Enjoy the rest of the week.
Oh btw… islet-hopping in Boracay was awesome!

i, WITNESS

New Witness

The officer in charge of Philippine Forest Corporation (where Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada used to be president) appeared on government-sequestered TV stations last night and accused his former boss of land grabbing and condoning irregularities in the agency during his term. Santos was crying throughout his TV debut prompting televiewers to congratulate NBN 4, RPN 9 and IBC 13 for mustering enough guts to compete against ABS-CBN and GMA 7 for the ratings.

New Witness II

Erwin Santos, program development officer at the state-owned Philforest appeared on government TV stations last night and accused his former boss, Jun Lozada of corruption. Santos couldn’t stop shedding tears not because he finally revealed “the truth” but because he’s always been a reluctant TV star.

New Witness III

Erwin Santos, program development officer at the state-owned Philforest appeared on government TV stations last night and accused his former boss, Jun Lozada of corruption. Santos couldn’t stop shedding tears – not because he finally revealed “the truth” but because he has not received the talent fee he was promised if he appeared on the show.

New Witness IV

Addressing Jun Lozada on TV, Erwin Santos said: “Sir Jun, I care for you, let’s face the consequences of our actions.” Upon hearing those words, Romulo Neri immediately turned off his television. He felt betrayed.

Personal

I am taking a Boracay break starting today ’til Monday. Just keep on coming back for updates. Have a safe weekend!

And here’s something to make you smile:

ARF!

JOEY SALCEDA’s off-tangent remark on President Arroyo was half-amusing, half-disturbing. If her own men wouldn’t respect her, who else will? Let me start this post by quoting a portion of a ’90s hit from singer/songwriter/guitarist Meredith Brooks. (I actually imagine GMA singing this tune.) The title of the song? BITCH.

“I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed.”

Eksakto ba?

Salceda and GMA

Economic adviser and Albay Governor Joey Salceda described President Arroyo as “the luckiest bitch.” ‘Yan po ang dahilan kung bakit lagi siyang napapaligiran – ng mga tuta.

Salceda and GMA II

Albay Governor Joey Salceda says President Arroyo is a “lucky bitch.” Sought for a reaction, the president didn’t say a word. She barked! (Arf!)

Salceda and GMA III

In a forum at the Ateneo De Manila campus in Makati City, Albay Gov. Joey Salceda remarked that President Arroyo’s “a bitch.” So what does that make then of Mikey, Dato, and Luli? ‘Naknamput*?!? (Mean!)

Salceda and GMA IV

Albay Governor Joey Salceda said that he was “just joking” when he made his “bitch” remark on President Arroyo – something that was totally unnecessary because, with or without a joke, he already looked like a punch line.

IN OTHER NEWS…

KC vs. Hunger

The United Nations World Food Programme has named young star KC Concepcion as the Philippines’ ambassador against hunger… mainly because every time Filipinos stare at her mother Sharon – busog na sila.

Gina’s Rant

Of late, Gina De Venecia, wife of ousted House Speaker Jose De Venecia has been hurling allegations after allegations against Mrs. Arroyo and her administration. Because of this, she has been chosen as the newest endorser of a dietary supplement – Charantia Ampalaya… kahon pa lang bitter na!

(P)RESIDENT EVIL

Neri and GMA

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada revealed that Commission on Higher Education Chairman Romulo Neri once described President Arroyo as “evil.” Well, that explains why three impeachment complaints didn’t work on her. Maybe, an exorcism will.

Neri and GMA II

According to Jun Lozada, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri described President Arroyo as “evil.” Now we know why the CBCP is so afraid of her.

Neri and GMA III

CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri described President Arroyo as “evil.” Now we know why she could speak 15 different languages, some of which ordinary Filipinos wouldn’t normally understand.

Neri and GMA IV

According to Jun Lozada, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri called President Arroyo “evil.” So what does that make of Mikey, Dato and Luli? Anak ng De*onyo?!? Ouch!

Neri and GMA V

An incensed Mikey Arroyo lashed out at Jun Lozada for saying that Romulo Neri had described his mother as evil. Mikey allegedly threatened that if their paths crossed, he would attack Lozada… with his horns.

Neri Will Stay

Amid calls for him to step down and abandon President Arroyo, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri said he “had no reason to and I have no intention to resign.” Romy Neri is now officially… possessed.

Money for Lozada

The good news? The “sanctuary fund” being raised by the Senate for Jun Lozada has reached 500,000 pesos. The bad news? That’s just one fourth of his kids’ tuition at La Salle Greenhills.

Money for Lozada II

The good news? The “sanctuary fund” being raised by the Senate for Jun Lozada has reached 500,000 pesos. The bad news? That’s just half of the interest he needs to settle with Citibank.

In Other News…

Sen. Bong Revilla was hospitalized because of chest pains making him unavailable in the ongoing Senate hearings. If it’s any consolation, hindi halata.

JDV and the 2004 Polls

Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia Jr. will file a resolution seeking to probe the alleged cheating in the 2004 elections. Uyyy, may nagpapapansin.

JDV and the 2004 Polls II

The good news from Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia Jr.: he’s reportedly filing a House resolution seeking to investigate the alleged cheating in the 2004 elections. The bad news for him – we already have a hero in Jun Lozada. He should pretend to be one some other time.

From My Inbox

Lozada: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Chinese

Atienza: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Hawaiian

Lacson: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Pinay

Jamby: 1/2 Boy, 1/2 Girl

Enrile: 1/2 GMA, 1/2 Erap

GMA: 1/2

LIVIN’ LA BIDA LOZADA

WHILE I TEND TO believe that Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr. could in fact be telling the truth, I do not consider myself as a fan. For all we know, he’s made millions for himself as consultant for other onerous government projects or transactions. But that’s another story.

This morning, former President Corazon Aquino with the Ateneo and the De La Salle communities hosted a thanksgiving mass for Lozada.

This post was inspired by the outpouring of support for the man who would have approved the ZTE NBN deal anyway if brokers agreed to a 65 million dollar-kickback ONLY instead of a staggering 130 million dollars.

Top 5 Rumored Plans of an Unidentified Anti-Arroyo Cult to Show Its Undying Support for the Beleaguered Jun Lozada

5: Organize the “Jun Lozada Friendly Games” between the De La Salle Green Archers and the Ateneo Blue Eagles. Performing at half-time will be the 2007 UAAP Cheerdance Champs: The UP Pep Squad!

4: Seek the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines’ support for the “2 o’clock AM” habit – a daily pre-dawn prayer to commemorate Lozada’s 2am press conference at La Salle Greenhills.

3: Ask the La Salle Brothers to erect a statue of Lozada at the gates of La Salle Greenhills.

2: Citing his popularity, launch a signature campaign to persuade him to run for president in 2010.

And the No. 1 rumored plan of an Anti-Arroyo cult to show its undying support for the beleaguered Jun Lozada…

1: Submit to the Vatican an initiative for his beatification. The shepherd of the Australian goats will then be known as Blessed Jun Lozada.

Have a productive week!

“TAMA NA, SOBRA NA…”

The Makati City Rally

Some 10,000 protesters gathered in Makati City Friday to demand the resignation of President Arroyo. The protesters echoed the slogan “Tama na, sobra na, kilos na.” During the Marcos years, it was “Tama na, sobra na, palitan na.” Asked why they didn’t use “palitan na” this time, organizers had the same answer: Noli De Castro.

The Makati City Rally II

Makati City Hall employees were the luckiest people yesterday. It was pay day, ’twas a special non-working day (for them), and chances are, they got “extra” pay for joining the rally.

JDV III and the Makati City Rally

At the same rally, Joey De Venecia spoke to the crowd and said, “You, thieves, get out of Malacañang!” Apparently, the young De Venecia would like to get even because Malacañang was instrumental in ousting the chief of thieves at the House of Representatives a couple of weeks back.

JDV III and the Makati Rally II

Speaking before thousands of anti-GMA protesters in Makati City, Joey De Venecia, son of Jose De Venecia III and losing bidder in the National Broadband Network project revealed that it was his “calling to serve the country and the Filipino masses.” Overheard from a small group of rallyists: “Tang-in* naman, gaguhan na yata ito eh. Uwi na lang kaya tayo?!”

Plot Versus GMA

The Philippine National Police bared an assassination plot against President Arroyo by the terrorist group Jemaah Islamiyah. Kayo naman oo, nananahimik ‘yong mga tao, dinadamay n’yo pa.

Plot Versus GMA II

President Arroyo will attend the annual fiesta celebration in Binalonan, Pangasinan today despite the reported assassination plot of Abu Sayyaf and Jemaah Islamiyah extremists. After all, no Islamic terrorist in his right mind would travel from Basilan to Binalonan just to kill her. (Kapagod ang biyahe huh!)

Plot Versus GMA II

Following reports of an assassination plot against her, President Arroyo was seen wearing a St. Benedict’s medallion, believed to protect the wearer from danger. That explains why the First Gentleman never had the chance to come near her.

Neri and the Opposition

Former Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Romulo Neri has confirmed his secret December 2007 meeting with opposition senators Jamby Madrigal and Panfilo Lacson. Asked why he chose to talk to Jamby and Ping, Neri allegedly replied, “Among our senators, I find them to be the most gender sensitive.”

Corny Corner

Jamby: I’ll sue you for obstruction of justice!
GMA (a la Lolit Solis): So sue me!
Jamby: Huwag na nga lang. Hindi kita type!

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!

POLITICS & LOVE

Top 10 Valentine’s Day Messages

10 To: Jamby
From: Pia Cayetano

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I bet you enjoy “flowers”
More than Neri & John O do

9 To: Jose De Venecia
From: Your former allies in Congress

With heavy hearts we made it happen
The Speakership was declared open
The hell we care if we’re a bunch of dork
Between him and GMA?!
Our choice is… pork!

8 To: Joey DV III
From: Joe DV Jr.

You made Daddy so proud
When you stood up for truth
So just keep doin’ what is right
And stay away from jutes!

7 To: President Arroyo
From: Noli De Castro

My Valentine’s Day wish for you madam:
Two more productive years in Malacañang
I think we’re headed in the right direction
So why the need for a snap election?

6 To: Jun Lozada
From: Ben Abalos

Roses are red
Golf courses are green
If you go near Wack Wack
Patay ka sa akin!

5 To: Romy Neri
From: Jun Lozada

Forgive me oh dear friend if I testified
Believe me, I’m so afraid that’s why I cried
But no matter what, even if I’ve died
You’ll always be a part of my short, so-called life. (Awwr!)

4 To: Joker
From: Jun Lozada

You pictured me as if
i’m the god of strife
You seem to know me well
but do you know your wife?

3 To: Jun Lozada
From: Mike Defensor

In my dreams, you were blue and you were so alone
So I opted to cheer you up by planning a presscon
But woe is me! I’m baffled you sided with the nuns
In spite of my best efforts, despite the 50 grand!

2 To: Jun Lozada
From: Miriam

How do I loathe thee?
Let me count the goats.

And the number 1 Valentine’s Day message…

To: Mike
From: Gloria

This Valentine’s Day I got a special gift
It is from Powerbooks’ bestsellers list
Together on V-Day, we’ll stay home and just read
This new book that’s titled: “How To Moderate Your Greed”

Have a romantic Hearts Day everyone!

AY… WITNESS!

Top 5 (Rumored) Desperate Plans of Some Palace People to Discredit Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr.

5: Linking him politically to Joey De Venecia by circulating photographs showing the both of them getting the same style of haircut at the same salon from the same haircutter. (Aba, close nga!)

4: Distributing an edited footage of last week’s Senate inquiry leaving only the parts where Lozada is alternately seen laughing and crying. Consequently, Mike Defensor will organize a press conference to present a psychiatrist who’d tell the public that Lozada is mentally-unstable and therefore, not a credible witness.

3: Producing documents that will prove that he is a direct descendant of the Chinese family who – according to Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, “invented corruption.”

2: Presenting to the media photos of five imported goats (worth 20,000 pesos each) reportedly taken at the Lozada household. The Lozada children will later be accused of keeping them as pets illegally.

And the No. 1 (rumored) desperate plan of some palace people to discredit Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr…

1: Spreading the rumor that he and ChEd Chairman (the very single) Romulo Neri are not just friends but secret lovers. (How sweet!)

Enjoy the rest of the week!

LOZADA LIVE!

Lozada at the Senate

Resigned Philippine Forest Corporation executive Rodolfo Noel Lozada Jr. appeared before the Senate and shared his knowledge of the aborted controversial national broadband deal with ZTE Corp. He also talked about corruption and explained a lot about overpricing of government projects – something that was totally unnecessary since he was being surrounded by people who were experts on the subject.

La Salle Supports Lozada

TV cameras showed a dozen nuns in La Salle Greenhills holding hands, surrounding Jun Lozada before, during, and after his pre-dawn presscon Wednesday, and eventually offering him a temporary sanctuary. You can’t blame the nuns for acting that way. That’s the closest thing they could get to actually sleeping near a man other than their La Salle brothers.

Mike Arroyo Reacts

Implicated by two witnesses in the alleged bribe-taking in the aborted NBN deal, First Gentleman Mike Arroyo reiterated, “I do not meddle in government affairs, be they political or commercial.” If that were true, considering the power you wield… aba eh, bobo ka!

Mike Arroyo Reacts II

Denying allegations he was involved in the controversial NBN deal, First Gentleman Mike Arroyo insisted that he was just “an ordinary lawyer.” Ordinary pa pala siya ng lagay na ‘yon. Just imagine what he can do if he were extraordinary!

Miriam and Lozada

In an apparent attempt to discredit Jun Lozada, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago revealed that as CEO of PhilForest, he allowed the importation of 35 goats from Australia worth 700 thousand pesos. But that was nothing compared to what Malacañang allegedly did two weeks ago during the changing of the guards at the House of Representatives. Ayon sa ulat, namili ng mahigit isandaang tuta ang palasyo na nagkakahalaga ng mula limandaang libo hanggang isang milyong piso bawat isa.

Top 8 Slogans/TagLines To Describe Rodolfo Noel Lozada Jr. If He Were a Famous Brand

8: Johnson’s & Lozada’s Baby Powder: Ikaw lamang, wala nang iba… kasi ayaw ni Neri

7: Johnny Walker Lozada: Keep Talking

6: Nike Lozada: Just do it – sign!

5: Coffeemate Lozada: Even when there’s police around, tuloy ang presscon

4: Nokia Lozada: Connecting people… to bribery and abduction

3: Motorola Lozada: Hello Mike to

2: Energizer Lozada: He keeps going and going and going… to testify

And the No. 1 slogan or tagline to describe Rodolfo Noel Lozada Jr. if he were a famous brand

1: Hallmark Lozada: When you care enough to send the very best… to jail

Doing It Like…

Malacañang “abducts” Lozada and takes him to Cavite. Doing an Erap?

Appearing at the Senate, Lozada shed buckets of tears. Doing a Loren?

During his 8-hour testimony, Lozada would cry, laugh, sigh, laugh, cry. Doing a Miriam?

Mike Defensor urges Lozada to call a presscon to deny he’s been abducted. Doing what he did to Udong Mahusay?

THIS JUST IN!

Rumors say healing priest Fernando Suarez who claims to have the ability to resurrect dead people will conduct his most challenging healing mass yet – in a cemetery. Awooooo!

Happy weekend!

WAR OF THE WORST (PART II)

JDV vs. GMA, And then Some…

Jose De Venecia has been ousted. Shortly after losing the post of House Speaker, De Venecia was – speechless.

Immediately after her husband was ousted, Gina Vera Perez De Venecia, wife of the Cong. Jose De Venecia took the fallen Speaker to Makati Medical Center. She had his back checked for wounds because godsons, goddaughters, and allies took turns stabbing his back that same evening.

In his impassioned speech in Congress Monday night hours before his impending ouster, an emotional Jose De Venecia, asked, “What’s happening to our country? Everything is for sale!” – apparently referring to rumors of bribed congressmen. The irony of it all, it was De Venecia who prostituted his fellow solons in so many instances in the past and yet, he spoke of bribery as if it was entirely new to him.

Following his ouster as House Speaker, Cong. Jose De Venecia declared a “war” against President Arroyo. Isn’t that exciting! Tainga vs. Ngipin!

Ousted Speaker Jose De Venecia Jr., the main proponent of Congress’ much reviled “pork barrel system” bared that three generals plotted to assassinate him last year. Ordinary people who heard De Venecia’s revelation were both shocked and furious – at the three generals. Tatlo-tatlo na nga kayo, pumalpak pa! Mga tanga!

House Speaker Prospero Nograles said his election as speaker was “God’s will.” Either he was lying or God accepted the bribe.

Prospero Nograles has been elected House Speaker. Didagen Dilangalen was also elected… as loud speaker.

The camp of Attorney Jose Miguel Arroyo denied that the First Gentleman was involved in the ouster of Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia as House Speaker. Interior and Local Government Sec. Ronaldo Puno has also denied involvement. Even businessman Enrique Razon whom De Venecia named as financier of the move to oust him has issued a strong denial. THIS JUST IN: An informal survey was allegedly conducted at ABS-CBN following JDV’s ouster. The survey question: “Who do you think masterminded Jose De Venecia’s ouster?” The answer was unanimous: GMA 7.

Breaking News!

Due to recent political developments in the country, the Philippine Children’s Television Foundation, Inc. has decided to revive the multi-awarded educational children’s show “Batibot.” After watching the proceedings at the House of Representatives Monday night, the producers realized, they would never run out of puppets.

Top 15 Sayings/Proverbs To Describe the Recent Events at the House of Representatives

15: THEY SAY: Better be alone than in bad company.
In Congress: Better be in bad company than lose millions of money.

14: THEY SAY: Home is where the heart is.
In Congress: House is where the pork is.

13: THEY SAY: You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.
In Congress: You stab my back… may araw ka rin!

12: THEY SAY: All’s well that ends well.
In Congress: All’s well… oh well, not really.

11: THEY SAY: Action speaks louder than words.
In Congress: Dilangalen speaks louder than anyone.

10: THEY SAY: The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
In Congress: The proof of the bribing is in the voting.

9: THEY SAY: Ang masamang damo, matagal mamatay.
In Congress: Ang masamang damo… hmpf! Mamamatay rin kayo!

8: THEY SAY: Ang taong nagigipit… sa patalim kumakapit
In Congress: Ang taong nagigipit, nanunumbat sa privilege speech.

7: THEY SAY: Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan, ‘di makakarating sa paroroonan.
In Congress: Ang hindi lumingon sa partidong pinanggalingan, confident. May Kampi kasing paroroonan.

6: THEY SAY: What goes around, comes around.
In Congress: What goes around, could be distributing cash gifts.

5: THEY SAY: Magpakahaba-haba man ang prusisyon, sa simbahan rin ang tuloy.
In Congress: Magpakahaba-haba man ang session, oks lang. Bayad na ’yon.

4: THEY SAY: Kahit saang gubat ay maraming ahas.
In Congress: Hindi ito gubat pero marami pa rin.

3: THEY SAY: Magkulang ka na sa magulang huwang lamang sa iyong biyenan.
In Congress: Maghudas ka na sa ninong at ninang, ‘wag lang sa Malacañang.

2: THEY SAY: Tell me who your friends and I will tell you who you are.
In Congress: Tell me who your friends are, and I will bribe them.

And the number saying to describe the recent events at the House of Representatives…

1: THEY SAY: It takes two to tango.
In Congress: It takes a Mikey and a Dato.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

WAR OF THE WORST (PART 1)

The war between the Arroyos and the De Venecias has officially started. It’s chaotic in hell right now.

Watch out for the special heckling edition on this issue soon!

ALLEGATIONS

GMA 7 vs. ABS-CBN (Na naman!)

Former employees of RGMA Network appeared on ABS-CBN shows and accused Mike Enriquez of being involved in the manipulation of ratings in Bacolod City. GMA 7 and Mike Enriquez immediately released a statement denying the latest allegation. The network is now drafting more statements in case Arnold Clavio, Mel Tiangco, and Jessica Soho become the subject of ABS-CBN’s “favorite hobby.”

THIS JUST IN!
Top 7 New Allegations ABS-CBN Allegedly Plans to Bring Up Against GMA 7 Soon

7: GMA 7 manipulated its 2004 Elections Quick Count to favor its namesake, GMA: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

6: GMA 7 is employing hypnotists to lure viewers into watching only GMA shows.

5: GMA 7’s favorite mountaineer Romy Garduce did not reach the summit of Mt. Everest as reported by correspondent Jiggy Manicad. Manicad’s reports, purportedly from the Himalayas, were digitally-enhanced. The truth, according to an ABS-CBN informant – he was in Mt. Makulot.

4: The GMA 7 News Team intentionally avoided joining a group of reporters inside the Manila Peninsula during the Makati standoff last November 2007 because they were too busy helping Marine Capt. Nicanor Faeldon escape at the back of the hotel.

3: Certain that a Manny Pacquiao win will boost its ratings, GMA 7 manipulated the boxer’s most recent fight by bribing Marco Antonio Barrera.

2: GMA 7 paid a group of hoodlums to start chaos at the ULTRA during the Wowowee anniversary resulting in a stampede which killed 71 people.

And the number 1 new allegation ABS-CBN is planning to bring up against GMA 7…

1: GMA 7 is financing ABS-CBN News bigwigs Maria Ressa, Charie Villa, and Luchi Cruz-Valdez to promote hostility, acrimony, and resentment at the ABS-CBN news room.

WHAT’S NEWS? BAD NEWS!

What’s News: JDV hiding under GMA’s skirt says Mikey
Bad News: JDV rips GMA’s skirt, exposes her thighs

What’s News: JDV hiding under mom’s skirt – Mikey
Bad News: Eh ‘di isumbong mo sa Tatay mo!

What’s News: JDV hiding under mom’s skirt – Mikey
Bad News: GMA all smiles

What’s News: JDV hiding under mom’s skirt – Mikey
Bad News: Gina De Venecia angry

What’s News: Malacañang tells Neri: We’re behind you
Bad News: Yeah, behind! With a gun.

What’s News: Military says NPAs down to 5,760
Bad News: That doesn’t include yet the Reds in Congress

What’s News: Loren Legarda says no to lower post; “it’s the presidency or nothing”
Bad News: Loren Legarda, walang kadala-dala!

What’s News: Archbishop Oscar Cruz bans Fr. Suarez’ “healing sessions” in Pangasinan
Bad News: Cruz resents fact that a “mere priest” has upstaged him

What’s News: Gretchen splits up with Dodie Puno, returns to Tony Boy
Bad News: Imelda Cojuangco tells Dodie: “Tanga ka ba? Ang ganda-ganda niyan, pinakawalan mo!”

Personal

I’d like to thank Chico Garcia of RX 93.1 for plugging my blog on The Morning Rush, my favorite daily wakeupper. It airs Monday to Saturday from 6am to 9 am on RX. Chico hosts the show with the single, cerebral, and obviously searchin’ Delamar. Hello Del!

Also, I feel so great today. My morning was greeted by the news that Spaniard Pau Gasol of the Memphis Grizzlies has been acquired by the Los Angeles Lakers. Analysts are now saying that my idol Kobe Bryant and the rest of the Purple and Gold squad have just become serious title contenders. Yahoo! An hour after the trade, Kobe scored 46 to lead L.A. past the Toronto Raptors. What a day!

Enjoy the rest of the weekend! Here’s something to make you smile.