MOVIES & POLITICS

The Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be

20: New People’s Army: A History Of Violence

19: The AFP and the PNP: The Usual Suspects

18: Jackie, Jinggoy, Jude: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

17: Madam Auring: Face/Off

16: The House of Representatives: Monsters, Inc.

15: Mayor Jejomar Binay: The Dark Knight (Coming soon!)

14: Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales Jr.: Sicko

13: Chavit Singson: Kubrador

12: GMA 7’s Jessica Soho: 300 and Jiji Press’ Dana Batnag: Almost Famous

11: Sen. Loren Legarda: Loser

10: Sen. Antonio Trillanes: Enemy of the State

9: Marine Capt. Nicanor Faeldon: Catch Me If You Can

8: Joseph Estrada: March of the Penguins

7: Sen. Jamby Madrigal: About A Boy

6: Former Senators John Osmeña and Ernesto Maceda: X-Men

5: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago: Ang Babaeng Nawawala sa Sarili

4: Sen. Bong Revilla and Sen. Lito Lapid: Dumb & Dumber

3: House Speaker Jose De Venecia Jr.: Bringing Down the House

2: Sen. Noynoy Aquino: The 40-year-Old Virgin or Ang Huling Birhen sa Lupa

And the No. 1 movie casting choice that was meant to be…

1: President Arroyo: Elf

WHAT’S NEWS? BAD NEWS!

Erap in Hong Kong

Pardoned plunderer Joseph Estrada was detained for more than an hour by Hong Kong Immigration authorities at the International Airport in Hong Kong for not having a security aide. Apparently, they didn’t immediately notice Loi Ejercito.

Bishops and Politics

Fr. Ed Panlilio appealed to his fellow members of the clergy: “Do not enter politics.” Bishops have echoed Panlilio’s appeal. Why enter politics pa nga naman when they have too much of it within the CBCP?

Pork Barrel

House Speaker Jose De Venecia announces that the Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) of lawmakers will not be reduced saying a cut on PDAF will also cut the services provided to their constituents. One thing is certain though – solons will get a cut from it.

Loren: Bring It On

Talking about the 2010 presidential polls, Loren Legarda declared, “I am ready for anything, anyone.” Again, those who care, raise your right hand.

What’s News? Bad News!

Philippine Star: New Comelec chief, retired SC justice Jose Melo vows computerization of elections
Bad News: 75-year-old Melo still using Wordstar 4 for DOS
(Note: If you didn’t get the joke, you’re young.)

Phil. Daily Inquirer: Via phone call, GMA tells allies to stop oust-JDV plot
Bad News: Allies, uncertain if the caller was GMA (Kaboses lang?)

People’s Journal: GMA behind Speaker solons say
Bad News: Stabbing his back, easier

ABS-CBN Interactive: 2010 Presidency: “No room for Noli in the opposition” according to Loren
Bad News: Ikaw nga wala, si Noli pa

QTV’s Balitanghali: After his release, Norberto Manero won’t disclose whereabouts
Bad News: South Cotabato priests seek transfer of parochial assignments

GMA News: Manero to visit the grave of Fr. Tulio Favali (the Italian priest he murdered)
Bad News: ‘Wag ka nang umasa bai, decomposed na ang utak ng matanda

People’s Journal: Piolo atat na atat nang mag-asawa
Bad News: Same sex union sa Pilipinas, bawal pa

Phil. Daily Inquirer: Pacquiao makes it to Yahoo! Sports’ most powerful men in boxing
Bad News: Underscore… in boxing. At home, Jinkee calls the shots.

Associated Press: Dutch man stands in ice for 72 minutes, breaks NY record
Bad News: The prize: an all-expense paid trip to Alaska

Associated Press: Dunkin Donuts to open 100 shops in China
Bad News: Newest flavor to be unveiled: Bavarian lead

Have a great week ahead!

CROCODILES

Chief Justice Puno on Libel

Chief Justice Reynato Puno says the Supreme Court will release a new circular that will urge judges to forego imprisonment as a punishment for journalists convicted of libel. Instead they will just be required to pay fine. In other words, when a Filipino journalist lies, maligns, denigrates, curses, vilifies, insults, defames, demeans, ridicules, speaks ill of or mocks someone, that’s FINE.

Chief Justice Puno on Libel II

Chief Justice Reynato Puno says the Supreme Court will release a new circular that will urge judges to forego imprisonment as a punishment for journalists convicted of libel. Upon hearing the news, Lolit Solis shelved an earlier plan to retract his “gay anecdote” on Sam and Piolo.

Chief Justice Puno on Libel III

Chief Justice Reynato Puno says the Supreme Court will release a new circular that will urge judges to forego imprisonment as a punishment for journalists convicted of libel. The Tulfo brothers are throwing a party.

Faeldon and the Lady Reporter

PNP Chief Avelino Razon Jr. insists that a reporter indeed helped Marine Capt. Nicanor Faeldon escape during the Manila Pen standoff. But presidential counsel Segio Apostol says the RPN 9 video showing a lady journalist simply talking to fugitive Marine Capt. Nicanor Faeldon is not enough to file charges against the reporter… unless of course, Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye holds a press conference, tells the public that he has the original footage, and that RPN 9’s video is the tampered version.

Faeldon and the Lady Reporter II

Dana Batnag of a Japanese foreign news service was identified by the Philippine Daily Inquirer’s unnamed source in the PNP as the lady journalist who helped Marine Capt. Nicanor Faeldon escape during the Manila Peninsula siege. Batnag is reportedly in a dilemma. She couldn’t decide whom to believe – the unnamed source or the Inquirer.

Dilemma at the Zoo

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim described as “too many” the 40 plus crocodiles at the Manila Zoo and plans to swap them with other zoos for other animals. Mayor Lim’s concern was downplayed by residents of Brgy. Commonwealth in Quezon City where Batasang Pambansa – home to over 200 crocodiles, is located.

ABS-CBN vs. GMA 7

The TV ratings war continues as ABS-CBN presents a new witness against GMA 7. (Sinong interesado, taas ang kamay.)

GMA 7 has come out with its newest rejoinder to ABS-CBN’s latest allegation. (Sinong interesado, taas ang kamay.)

Overseas…

Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer announced a huge drop in worldwide earnings yesterday… except perhaps in the Philippines where doctors favor pharma over patients.

AMPALAYA

Rejected Offer

Loren Legarda rejected Noli De Castro’s offer for her to join him in cleaning up the Commission on Elections to ensure honest elections in 2010. In an apparent dig at De Castro’s intelligence, Legarda said, “I want to dialogue with great minds with brilliant ideas.” Spell bitter.

Top 5 Rumored Reactions of Noli De Castro to Loren Legarda’s Somewhat “Personal” Comment

5: “Ipagdarasal ko na lang siya sa Poong Nazareno.”

4: “Read my lips: Looooooooser! Errr!”

3: “I will not take your personal attack sitting down. Kaya tatayo ako. For your information, I have great minds!!! I have great minds!!!”

2: “Kung ayaw mo ng dialogue para malinis ang Comelec, wala akong pakialam. Magmo-monologue na lang ako!”

And the No. 1 rumored reaction of Noli De Castro to Loren Legarda’s somewhat personal comment…

1: “Kailanman ay hindi ako namersonal at hindi ko gawaing mamersonal lalo pa’t kumareng buo ko ang nasasangkot sa usapin. Ang masasabi ko lang kay Senadora Loren… at least ako, happily married. Eh ikaw?!?”

SWS Survey

The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that fewer Filipino families consider themselves as poor or “mahirap.” This latest study only proved that under the Arroyo administration, Filipinos have become more… shy. (Ayaw pa kasing umamin).

SWS Survey II

Good News: Bilang ng mga pamilyang nagsabing sila ay mahirap, bumaba
Bad News: Bilang ng mga pamilyang ayaw tumanggap ng katotohanan, tumaas

SWS Survey III

Good News: Bilang ng mga pamilyang nagsabing sila ay mahirap, bumaba
Bad News: Bilang ng mga pamilyang nag-iilusyong sila ay yumaman, tumaas

Lakas Senatoriables

Seven senior members of the House of Representatives, including Speaker Jose de Venecia, are being eyed by the ruling Lakas-Christian Muslim Democrats coalition as possible senatorial candidates in the 2010 elections. Also making it on the list were Parañaque Rep. Eduardo Zialcita, Deputy Speakers Raul del Mar of Cebu and Simeon Datumanong of Maguindanao, House Majority Leader Arthur Defensor of Iloilo, House budget panel chair Edcel Lagman of Albay and Davao City Rep. Prospero Nograles. The seven “senatoriables” were reportedly picked based on a single criterion: “kahandaang tumanggap ng napipintong pagkatalo.”

Have a great week ahead!

WANTED

Wanted: Reporter

According to the Philippine National Police, a reporter helped fugitive Marine Capt. Nicanor Faeldon escape during the Manila Peninsula Hotel siege last November 29. Until the government reveals the name of the reporter, everyone is a suspect – except perhaps for the members of GMA News (Hello! Wala kayo sa Manila Pen ‘no!)

Wanted: Reporter II

Police Director General Avelino Razon said a reporter helped Marine Captain Nicanor Faeldon escape during the failed uprising of mutinous soldiers at the Manila Peninsula Hotel in November. Razon refused to name the reporter whose name allegedly rhymes with ‘Ellen’ and ‘Tordesillas.’ Ang hirap namang hulaan.

Wanted: Reporter III

The Philippine National Police said a reporter helped Marine Captain Nicanor Faeldon escape during the failed Makati Peninsula revolt. Probers refuse to name the reporter because they’re not really sure whether the reporter was there at the Manila Pen as a journalist or as a “volunteer shield.”

Wanted Reporter IV

A reporter allegedly helped Marine Captain Nicanor Faeldon escape during the failed Makati Peninsula revolt according to the PNP. I wonder why the PNP is singling out a lady reporter when in fact the whole ABS-CBN News Team was there to help the mutineers.

Wanted Reporter V

Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez said “a lady reporter created a distraction of sorts which enabled Faeldon to make his escape.” Some people were saying it was Ces Drilon because minus the usual thick make up, she was a distraction.

In Other News…

GMA vs. Abortion

President Arroyo ordered the Department of Social Welfare and Development to step up its nationwide education campaign against abortion. Upon getting the order, DSWD officials immediately scheduled a series of abortion-related seminar nationwide. First stop, Malacañang.

Manero’s Release

Former vigilante leader Norberto Manero Jr. who was convicted of killing an Italian priest in 1985 was very upset over his delayed release from prison. Equally upset were Manero’s supporters in Saranggani who – in anticipation of his return, have cooked two of his favorite dishes: dinuguan and brain sisig.

In Memoriam

Brad Barron Renfro, Actor: July 25, 1982 – January 15, 2008

Robert James “Bobby” Fischer, “Master of Chess”: March 9, 1943 – January 17, 2008

Have a great weekend!

SCANDALS

The Top 15 Predicted Scandals of 2008

15: The Philippine Basketball Association (PBA) bans five players from the league – for being pure Filipinos.

14: The Philippine Star reveals alleged manipulation of readership surveys

13: Anak TV seal declares Willie Revillame the top role model for Filipino kids. Parents protest recognition; calls for the abolition of Anak TV awards.

12: Malacañang appoints Benjamin Abalos as special envoy… to China.

11: Public Attorneys Office head Persida Rueda-Acosta seeks release of all Cebu inmates who participated in the sensational YouTube dance sessions

10: At 72, Madam Auring finally reveals the secret of her longevity – formalin.

9: GMA 7 strikes back – presents witnesses claiming that members of the ABS-CBN News Department are manipulating… one another.

8: Filipino finally wins Olympic gold medal in Beijing but Team Philippines remains gold-less. It turns out he was an undocumented OFW who was forced to play for the Iraqi football contingent.

7: Jamby Madrigal bravely admits on the The Buzz: “I am a closet heterosexual.”

6: December 30, 2008. Rizal Day celebration (again): President Arroyo promises (again) to step down (again) in 2010…

5: Lolit Solis gets sued anew for libel after writing in her column, “Mar Roxas at Migz Zubiri, nakitang naglalampungan sa pool area ng Hotel Sofitel”

4: Jinggoy Estrada’s “Katas ng Saudi” win inspires dad Joseph to make a comeback; Erap produces his own film simply titled “Katas.” MTRCB gives it an X rating for being “politically-obscene.”

3: Antonio Trillanes walks out of hearing again, proceeds to Sogo Hotel. But this time, only with Ces Drilon.

2: Eight million OFWs stage worldwide protest vs. rising peso; “Tigil-Trabaho” threatens collapse of economies in at least six continents

And the number 1 predicted scandal of 2008…

1: Septic tank at SM Mall of Asia explodes; human excreta, urine drown hundreds of shoppers

__________

Personal: I-announce Daw Talaga!

To everyone who remembered my birthday (today, January 16!), thank you so much.

SEEING RED

Top 5 Signs that the Military is Indeed Winning the War Against the New People’s Army

5: Not a single Globe cell site is torched within the year.

4: National Security Adviser Norberto Gonzales holds a televised press conference live and direct from the Sierra Madre Mountains.

3: Jose Maria Sison appeals for an immediate ceasefire and begs for the resumption of peace talks.

2: Ka Roger starts calling for back up from his allies in Congress.

And the No. 1 sign that the military is indeed winning the war against the New People’s Army…

1: Mass recruitment of NPA cadres becomes public and is now conducted through a reality show on tv.

Top 5 Reality Shows Produced by the Communist Party of the Philippines-New People’s Army

5: The Amazing Reds

4: Survivor: Sierra Madre (Sison 1)

3: Fear Factory

2: Pinoy Big Roger (Rosal)

And the No. 1 reality show produced by the CPP-NPA…

1: Kakasa ka ba sa Komunista?

Have a great week ahead!

OUR FAVORITE PASTIME

Kris Aquino’s New Soap

Latest TV ratings showed that Kris Aquino’s horror series “Patayin sa Sindak sa Barbara” has become ABS-CBN’s most watched primetime program… once again proving that Filipinos enjoy watching soaps or movies wherein Kris Aquino is tormented, tortured, or terrified.

Top 5 Signs that You Are Watching Kris Aquino’s New Soap

5: You set the television volume to low level.

4: You put cotton buds in your ears before an episode of the soap begins.

3: When you look at yourself in the mirror, half of your face shows fright, the other half shows pleasure.

2: Your neighbors start alerting the police (suspecting a violent domestic dispute) after hearing screams straight from your living room

1: After watching an episode, you feel complete. You’ve seen drama, comedy, and horror in one sitting. Thanks to Kris Aquino’s single-emotion brand of acting. ‘Yan ang totoong 3-in-1.

Trillanes and Pork Barrel

Sen. Antonio Trillanes has asked the Senate to scrap his pork barrel… mainly because his Magdalo group has decided not to stage a coup this year. Sa 2009 na lang.

Civil Engineering Test Retake

A total of 1,515 or about 31.72 percent of the 4,776 civil engineering graduates did not re-take the board exams conducted today. The Professional Regulation Commission ordered the retake of two of the three test subjects citing the statistical improbability of the examinees’ grades. The PRC found the grades highly suspicious considering that nobody among the examinees were enrolled at the Gapuz Review Center.

GMA 7 vs. ABS-CBN

GMA 7 denied allegations by an ABS-CBN witness that it hired people to tamper with television ratings in Bacolod. The Kapuso network has never hired and will never hire anyone. It believes in the spirit of volunteerism.

Have a happy weekend!

ISANDAANG TAON NINA ISKO’T ISKA!

ABS-CBN vs. GMA-7

The advertising industry has urged warring networks ABS-CBN and GMA to gag themselves on the ratings controversy or risk losing advertising revenue. If both networks decided to heed the call, Maya Reforma’s 15 minutes of fame would be over. (Yup, that woman is Maya Reforma!)

ABS-CBN vs. GMA-7 II

Unconfirmed reports say ABS-CBN and GMA 7 have decided to stop airing insulting plugs against each other over the ratings row. However, the networks have reportedly started a new war… as both have expressed keen interest to launch the career – of Maya Reforma! (In fairness to you girl, sikat ka na!)

Feast of the Nazarene

Two people died as tens of thousands of devotees fought their way to get near the Black Nazarene in Quiapo, Manila during the feast of the miraculous image. The two fatalities so wanted to get near Jesus, He was compelled to grant their wishes. Ayun, magkakasama na sila ngayon.

Feast of the Nazarene II

Two people died and at least 40 others were hurt as throngs of devotees jockeyed for positions to pull the rope tied to the carriage of the image of the Black Nazarene in Quiapo, Manila. Vice President Noli De Castro, a known Black Nazarene devotee, also jockeyed for position – a skill that he badly needs to practice if he wants to clinch a presidential nomination in 2010.

UP @ 100

The University of the Philippines System kicked off its year-long centennial celebration last night. Fernando Javier, the oldest known living alumnus at 100 years, carried the first of a hundred torches that were used to light the “perpetual flame” on the Centennial Cauldron. Javier attended the event hoping that he would be reunited with his classmates and friends. Apparently, UP officials failed to inform Javier that his classmates and friends have decided to hold their reunion “somewhere else.” In fact, siya na lang ang hinihintay.

UP @ 100 II

Defeated senatorial candidate and actor Richard Gomez was spotted at the University of the Philippines during the kick-off event to mark the celebration of UP’s centennial year. There’s no truth to rumors after all, that non-UPCAT passers were barred from joining the event.

UP @ 100 III

Actor Richard Gomez was one of the torchbearers in UP’s event last night to kick off the university’s centennial anniversary celebration. Ang tanong: Bakit!?!

UP Fight!

A forwarded text message:

“It’s a brand new year. And since 2008 is UP year, let me share this thought with you:

UST accepts only wise students.

La Salle accepts only great students.

Ateneo accepts only the best students.

In UP, we don’t accept wise, great or even the best students. We MAKE them.

Happy UP Centennial!”

Another UP Joke (Luma na pero pagbigyan n’yo na ‘ko!)

UP: University of the Philippines
DLSU: Di Lumusot sa UPCAT
ADMU: Ayaw Daw Mag-UP
UST: UP Sana Tayo
CEU: Cannot Enter UP
PUP: Pekeng UP
PNU: Para Ngang UP
SLU: Sana Lang UP
FEU: Failed to Enter UP
MAPUA: Meron Akong Panaginip, UP Ako
ST. PAUL: Sana Talaga Pumasa Ako ng UPCAT Lord

AND THE WINNER IS…

Jinggoy’s Best

Defying my personal expectations, Jinggoy Estrada took home the best actor plum in last night’s Metro Manila Film Festival awards night for his role in the movie “Katas ng Saudi.” Fact is, the award is long overdue. He’s been acting in the senate since 2004 and yet, he got recognized only last night.

Jinggoy’s Best II

After the awards ceremonies, Jinggoy Estrada told the media, “Siyempre, nando’n ang element of surprise. Hindi ko ‘to iniexpect.” (Kami rin.)

Reporter Wins Award

First-time director and GMA 7 news reporter Cesar Apolinario won the 2007 Metro Manila Film Festival Best Director award as well as the trophy for Best Story for his maiden project, “Banal.” Unconfirmed reports say ABS-CBN has, in its custody, witnesses that will accuse GMA-7 of manipulating the film fest judging.

Loren’s Statement

Sen. Loren Legarda has just released a statement describing herself as “a top contender in 2010.” Walang nagtatanong.

Loren’s Statement II

Sen. Loren Legarda has just released a statement describing herself as “a top contender in 2010.” Sinong interesado, taas ang kamay.

Susan Roces: No to Politics

When asked if she’s interested to join politics and run for a public office in 2010, veteran actress Susan Roces replied, “Malayo ‘yan sa mga plano ko sa buhay.” (Sa plano rin namin, malayo ka.)

Jalosjos Back in Muntinlupa

Convicted child rapist Romeo Jaslosjos was warmly welcomed by inmates upon his return to the New Bilibid Prisons in Muntinlupa City. Many inmates at the maximum security prison say they were very happy to see the former congressman back. They heaped praises on Jalosjos for his generosity, and for always treating every ordinary inmate “like a child.” (Come to papa. Kiss papa. Mmmwah!)

Less Annulment

The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines reported that the number of church-annulled marriages declined in 2007… primarily because many couples have realized that it is idiotic to consult celibate priests and bishops on restless relationships and turbulent affairs of the heart.

Kris Aquino in New Soap

Kris Aquino leads the cast of ABS-CBN’s new soap, “Patayin sa Sindak si Barbara,” originally, a horror movie. With Kris Aquino playing the role of Barbara on tv, ABS-CBN is sure to give GMA-7’s KiliTV a good fight!

Kris Aquino in New Soap II

Kris Aquino will play the role of Barbara in ABS-CBN’s new series “Patayin sa Sindak si Barbara.” To promote the soap, ABS-CBN is launching a “Guess the Ending” contest. The contest is asking the viewers: “With Kris Aquino’s trademark shrieks and screams, who do you think will get scared first, Barbara or the ghosts?”

Have a great week ahead!

THE RUNNING MAN

Erap For President?

Deposed president Joseph Estrada threatened yesterday (Wednesday) to run for president in 2010 if the opposition fails to come up with a common candidate. So on behalf of the 85 million Filipinos worldwide, I appeal to Senators Lacson, Villar, and Roxas: Parang awa n’yo na, magkaisa na kayo!

Erap for President II

Contrary to his statement yesterday, former president Joseph Estrada denied today that he is running for president in 2010. The last time someone made such a denial, she became president just after five months. And seven years later, she’s still president.

GMA vs ABS-CBN

GMA Network has filed a 15 million-peso civil suit against rival station ABS-CBN for accusing the Kapuso network of ratings manipulation in Bacolod City. But the Lopez-owned company is unfazed. In fact, had it known earlier that GMA 7’s reputation is valued at a measly 15 million pesos, it would have accused the network of manipulating Mega Manila ratings instead.

GMA vs. ABS-CBN II

This just in: ABS-CBN has gotten so impatient with AGB Nielsen Media’s alleged inaction with regard to the reported ratings manipulation in Bacolod City that even before it filed a case against the survey firm, Gabby Lopez almost referred the complaint – to Mike Enriquez’ Imbestigador. (Mas mabilis daw kasing umaksyon.)

GMA vs ABS-CBN III

AGB Nielsen Media continues to defy the court’s TRO. Rumors say AGB will soon release the results of its latest nationwide survey: Ang tanong, “Sa lumalalang away ng GMA at ABS-CBN, makahabol na kaya ang ABC 5 na “Fastest growing network” pa rin makalipas ang labimpitong taon ng pagiging “Fastest growing network?”

Hungry Filipinos

A Social Weather Stations survey showed that fewer Filipinos are suffering from hunger. Oppositionist Sergio Osmeña III is planning to sue SWS after receiving reports that SWS researchers manipulated the survey by treating their respondents to a hefty lunch during the interview.

The Son Also Rises

Female Facebook users are goin’ gaga over Bilawal Bhutto, son of assassinated former Pakistani prime minister Benazir Bhutto, who was chosen to lead the slain leader’s party. The 19-year-old Oxford University undergraduate has started to draw a huge online fanbase. Here in Manila, I seriously doubt if Jinggoy or Mikey could generate such buzz even if GMA or Erap were assassinated repeatedly.