HAPPY PEOPLE, AGAIN!

40 Solons Off to Europe With GMA

Forty administration solons will join President Arroyo in her trip to Europe this weekend. And why not? They’ve been given the pocket money last October; time now to go shopping.

40 Solons Off to Europe With GMA II

Forty administration solons will join President Arroyo in her trip to Europe this weekend. Rumors say House Deputy Speaker Ma. Amelita Villarosa was required to join the trip because there might just be another round of “distribution” and she’s the best person for the job.

 Estrada on Reelection

Former president Joseph Estrada reiterates he won’t seek the presidency in 2010 because he doesn’t have the money to bankroll a campaign… which is very ironic since his campaign has started more than a month ago.

Happy People

According to a survey by global research firm Taylor Nelson Sofres, Filipinos are the second happiest people in Asia. That’s not surprising since we have magicians in Comelec and hundreds of clowns in both Houses of Congress.

Happy People II

A recent survey showed that Filipinos are the second happiest people in Asia… mainly because laughter is the only thing left that’s free in this country.

Happy People III

A recent survey showed that Filipinos are the second happiest people in Asia. Tayo? Happy? Hahaha!

Pacquiao Visits Soldiers

Boxing icon Manny Pacquiao, a reservist Master Sergeant, visited military camps in Sulu and Basilan. He told the soldiers, “Knock them out!” referring to terrorists. The soldiers replied, “Knock out mo muna si Barrera!”

 Taulava Leaves TNT

PBA’s Talk N’ Text team has traded Asi Taulava to Coca-Cola Tigers. TNT big boss Manny V. Pangilinan has “had enough” of Asi who’s getting old. After all, there’s the fresher Yousif Aljamal straight from San Beda. Awrrr!

Ang Pinaka’s Choice

Last Sunday’s episode of QTV’s Ang Pinaka listed the top 10 celebrity look-alikes. The top spot went to… ex-senator Loi Ejercito and Madam Auring. Mean!

BATTLE OF MANUELS

Villar vs. Roxas

Report: the political rivalry between 2010 presidential hopefuls Manuel “Manny” Villar Jr. and Manuel “Mar” Roxas II is heating up. Expect the war of 2010 to take place – in public markets! (Uuutang na loob, huwag na kayong sasayaw please!)

What’s News: Tapatang Manuel Villar at Manuel Roxas tumitindi
Bad News: Isa pang Manuel gustong sumali: Manuel Lapid! (Nyeh!)

What’s News: Magtatapat: Manuel Villar at Manuel Roxas sa pagkapangulo
Bad News: Isa pang Manuel, gustong tumakbo: Manuel Morato! (In fairness!)

Noli for Prez?

The ruling Lakas-Christian Muslim Democrats is reportedly wooing Vice President Noli De Castro to become its standard bearer in the 2010 presidential elections. What?! Another Manuel?!?

Top 500 Universities in the World

University of the Philippines and Ateneo de Manila University made it to the 2007 Top 500 Universities of the World ranked by the Times Higher-QS World University Rankings. UP was 398th while Ateneo was 454th. De La Salle University, which outranked Ateneo last year didn’t figure in the Top 500 this time… mainly because the set of criteria used this year didn’t include ‘basketball proficiency.’

(For additional info on the rankings, please read Jarius Bondoc’s column in the Philippine Star.)

Batasan Blast Update

After filing murder charges against a former Basilan mayor for the Batasan bombing, PNP chief Director General Avelino Razon Jr. vowed to reveal the name(s) of the mastermind(s) of the Wahab Akbar assassination on Thursday, November 29. Former congressman Gerry Salappudin and party-list Rep. Mujiv Hataman still have a day left to look for a lawyer.

Most Trusted?

According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, Sen. Loren Legarda is the most trusted public figure today getting a 75 percent rating from the respondents. Legarda was so thrilled because that grade was even higher than the trust rating she got from her own husband when they were still together.

Nagging Wife Irked Vendor

The ice cream vendor who killed his pregnant wife, two children and mother-in-law in Tanza, Cavite last Sunday said he committed the gruesome crime because he could no longer stand his wife’s nagging. Unconfirmed reports say Attorney Mike Arroyo has offered free legal assistance to the suspect because he could empathize with him.

RP is No. 1 Cellphone Market

The Philippines is the leading country for cell phone investments in the world according to a survey released by an affiliate of a Russiam telecom firm. It pays to become China’s favorite dumping ground for substandard cellular phones and gadgets.

Showbiz! More Clues

Readers have been asking me for additional clues on the identity of the young actor and the flaming showbiz celebrity who are “into each other.” Just so you know, entertainment scribes are so envious of their gay friend for winning the heart of the good-looking young actor. Money matters indeed! Here are additional clues:

: The young actor was almost “executed” in his launching movie.
: The gay showbiz personality is being “compared” to a fairy tale character whose name is an anagram of: ‘Zup, Arnel?

Happy guessing!

SUPERFORECASTS

Supertyphoon Spares Bicol

Contrary to the alarming weather predictions released earlier, “supertyphoon” Mina changed its course and spared Bicol region where 96,000 people have already been evacuated. Certain sectors are now recommending an upgrade of PAGASA’s forecasting equipment. There’s no truth to rumors though that Madam Auring will be asked to join the weather bureau.

Good News: Bicol, naligtas sa bagyo
Bad News: PAGASA, binagyo – ng batikos

“Lando” Coming Back?

PAGASA director Prisco Nilo said Sunday there is a possibility that typhoon Lando might re-enter the country. But unless he identifies which country, I wouldn’t believe him.

Bad News: PAGASA said Sunday it is probable that typhoon Lando might re-enter the country
Good News: There’s a higher probability that PAGASA is wrong

Ceasefire

The New People’s Army has agreed to suspend its operations in five regions following the military and the police’ call for a ceasefire in the wake of “supertyphoon” Mina’s onslaught. The NPA agreed to a ceasefire for two reasons: one, they need to evacuate themselves, and two, the weather is bad for Ka Roger’s health. Baka mabinat.

Good News: Mga pulis tutulong sa rescue at relief operations sa mga binagyong lugar
Bad News: Mga biktima ng bagyo, pinag-iingat sa mga pulis

The “Only” PAGASA Forecasts That Turned Out to be Accurate (Top 5)

5: “Ang high tide ay mas mataas kaysa sa low tide.”

4: “Aalon ang tubig sa Manila Bay.”

3: “Iihip ang hangin.”

2: “Lulubog ang araw bukas.”

1: “Sisikat ang araw bukas.”

In Other News…

PAO Head Threatened

Public Attorneys Office (PAO) head Persida Acosta said she received threats after securing pardon for one of the convicts in the assassination of former senator Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino Jr. Acosta did not elaborate on the threats but a source from PAO said Acosta has received anonymous emails saying if she doesn’t stop helping Ninoy’s killers, Kris Aquino will do more drama movies next year.

PAO Head Threatened II

Public Attorneys Office (PAO) head Persida Acosta said she received threats after securing pardon for one of the convicts in the assassination of former senator Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino Jr. Reports say Acosta is in the “hit list” – meaning, she’ll receive free copies of Kris Aquino’s album. (In all fairness to Fairview, nag-platinum na raw ‘yan!)

Have a productive week ahead. Ingat!

LOVE KO ‘TO!

Ninoy Killing Convict Pardoned

President Arroyo has pardoned one of the convicts in the assassination of former senator Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino Jr. Hindi na nga makapagpakulong ng corrupt at killer, nagpapalaya pa. That’s the height of irony.

Ninoy Killing Convict Pardoned II

Shortly after he was released, M/Sgt. Pablo Martinez, the pardoned convict in the assassination of former senator Ninoy Aquino Jr., asked former president Cory Aquino for forgiveness. Oh, that’s nothing. If Cory was able to forgive Kris for all the embarrassment she had brought to the family, then forgiving anyone else would be much easier.

Loi on Husband’s Assets

Former First Lady Loi Ejercito said they would not give up any of their assets to the government but added that the Sandiganbayan may seize the Boracay Mansion in New Manila. She still hates Laarni Enriquez.

Laguardia Reappointed

President Arroyo has reappointed Ma. Consoliza Laguardia as chairman of the Movie and Television Review and Classification Board or MTRCB… so expect to see more of her on game shows, talk shows, and gag shows (which she apparently enjoys) in the next three years.

McDo Helps DepEd I

The Department of Education has partnered with fast-food giant McDonald’s to boost the reading habits of grade school pupils by distributing sets of reading materials throughout the country. The campaign’s slogan will be: “Ang batang masipag magbasa, magiging Sharon Cuneta.”

McDo Helps DepEd II

Reports say DepEd has partnered with McDonald’s to boost the reading habits of grade school pupils. Each time a stubborn kid refuses to read, Ronald McDonald will appear and say, “Sige ka! ‘Pag ‘di ka nagbasa, ipapakagat kita kay Jollibee.”

Top 5 Titles of Reading Materials Distributed by McDonald’s Nationwide

5: Old McDonald Had A Float

4: McNuggetstiltskin

3: Cheeseburgerella

2: McFlurry Potter and Order of the Value Meal

1: Beauty and the Breast Part Please

Battle of the Broadsheets

In a full center-spread ad Thursday:
The Philippine Daily Inquirer claims it is number 1 in readership… making it Abante’s toughest competition yet in tabloid supremacy. In a full-page print ad Thursday:

The Philippine Star claims it is number 1 in advertisements – more people are interested in its ads than its articles.

Enjoy your weekend! (I’ll be watching Insiang, the stage play tonight. Direk Floy Quintos told me it was awesome. ‘Nood rin kayo!)

ODD COUPLE

 Batasan Suspects Talk

Two of three arrested suspects in last week’s bombing at the House of Representatives admitted that Basilan Representative Wahab Akbar was their target and not the Congress as an institution. Besides, is there anything or anyone left in Congress to damage?

Salapuddin Surfaces

Former Basilan Rep. Gerry Salapuddin, who has been linked to the killing of political archrival Wahab Akbar in the Batasan blast, went to the Criminal Investigation and Detection Group Friday night before he was even invited by the investigators for questioning. Unfortunately for Salapuddin, he wasn’t given the 5-million peso reward promised by the president for any information leading to the arrest of the bombing suspects. Masterminds are not entitled to receive the bounty.

Filipinos on Corruption

A Pulse Asia survey revealed that most Filipinos or 61 percent would sign an online petition to force a sitting president (e.g. President Arroyo) to resign while only 26 percent said they would join rallies – unless the political opposition doubles “the allowance.”

 ”Batas” Disqualified

The Commission on Elections has disqualified party-list group BATAS or Bagong Alyansang Tagapagtaguyod ng Adhikaing Sambayanan after proving that the group is being used as a front by the religious sect “Ang Dating Daan.” It was only today that Comelec learned that “BATAS” actually stands for Bagong Alyansang Tagapagtaguyod ng Adhikain ni Soriano. (Mga tarantado! Mga tanga! Mga bobo! Amen!)

Gonzales is Back

Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales has returned to his work Monday after a two-onth hiatus due to a kidney transplant. Describing his ordeal, the 76-year-old official told DOJ employees that he had been to “hell and back.” See? Even hell refuses to accept him.

Lotto Winner

The Philippine Charity Sweepstakes says one person won the lotto’s 105 million-peso jackpot last Sunday. But the PCSO claims it cannot reveal the name of the winner for security reasons. Kayo talaga oo, tapos na ang draw, nambobola pa!

Survey on Corruption

The latest Pulse Asia survey showed that only 25% of Filipinos were keen on ousting a corrupt president. Para que pa?! Bibigyan din naman ng presidential pardon kapag na-convict!

 Ecstasy Bust

Quezon City police operatives arrested a 37-year-old Chinese-Filipino for allegedly selling 93 Ecstasy tablets to an undercover policeman over the weekend. In Quezon City, that’s drug pushing. But go to Embassy in Taguig, that’s just “partying.”

Showbiz!

First Hand Info: A once promising young drama actor is now the “kept boy” of a very flamboyant television personality. I was shocked to learn of the affair considering that the boy has a high-profile father. How could he enter into such a scandalous relationship? Is he cash-strapped? Or did he just fall for the charms of the flaming tv personality? In all fairness to the tv personality, he’s nice and generous naman to anyone. But then again, they’re really an “odd couple.” So odd that they make me sing: Tale as old as time… true as it can be… barely even friends… then somebody bends… unexpectedly…

Clues: Spain Jamaica : Denmark Colombia
Can you guess who they are?

OF LABELS & LIBEL

Lolit Solis Faces Libel Suit

ABS-CBN talents Piolo Pascual and Sam Milby, long-rumored to be both homosexuals have filed a 12 million peso-libel suit against entertainment host and writer Lolit Solis for implying in her column that they were gays. Following the controversial 1994 Manila Film Fest awards ceremonies, Solis was slapped with a suit for dishonesty. Thirteen years later, Solis tried to be honest and yet she’s still facing another suit. Kawawa naman ‘yong matanda.

Top 5 Things that Could Convince Us That Piolo Pascual and Sam Milby Are NOT Gay

5: If they drop the libel suit against Lolit Solis and just ignore her.

4: If they join a Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, and Transgender Pride March with a placard that says: “Straight men support gay rights.”

3: If they stop staging concerts and Valentine shows here and abroad as if they’re this generation’s “Louie Reyes and Eugene Villaluz.”

2: If they kiss each other on live tv – torrid pero dapat walang ka-mali-malisya.

1: Nothing. Because in local showbiz, either you’re gay or you’re Dolphy. Are they Dolphy? Na-ah.

Let’s take a break from politics and enjoy this weekend!

SAYANG!

Batasan Blast

The south wing entrance of the House of Representatives was bombed killing at least four people. That’s the bad news. If the bomb was detonated inside where pork-feasting congressmen were having a session, that would have been good news.

Solon Dies

A bomb ripped through the south wing entrance of the Batasan Complex killing Basilan Rep. Wahab Akbar. Half of Basilan’s female population have been widowed.

Market’s Reaction

Despite last night’s bombing at the House of Representatives, the stock market snapped a two-day losing streak rising sharply by 2.28% in today’s trading even as the peso opened higher against the US dollar. Traders who refused to be identified said both the peso and the market would have performed much better if the casualties included more congressmen.

Top 5 Things Overheard Outside the Batasan Complex After the Bombing

5: “Sabi ni JDV, nakauwi na raw siya ng bombahin ang Batasan. Sayang!”

4: “In fairness to Trillanes, wala ‘ata siyang theory this time.”

3: “Sana Malacañang na ang next!”

2: “Bakit naman labas lang pinasabog? Sana sa loob rin!”

1: “Don’t tell me may LPG din sa lobby ng Batasan.”

Good News: President Arroyo puts up P5-million reward for info on Batasan blast

Bad News: Half of the P5M came from Kampi; half came from the League of Governors

In Other News…

The House Committee on Justice today dismissed the impeachment complaint filed by lawyer Roberto Pulido against President Arroyo. The impeachment complaint thus became the fifth fatality at the House of Representatives in less than 24 hours.

Estrada’s Assets

Former president Joseph Estrada downplayed the Sandiganbayan’s plan to freeze his bank accounts. Estrada was quoted to have said, “Eh ‘di ifreeze nila. Madali lang namang mag-defrost eh.”

Elsewhere…

Newsbreak magazine asks: Is St. Benilde the same as De La Salle University?

Manila Bulletin’s Mr. Showbiz wants to know: Is ABS-CBN News bigwig Maria Ressa on the way out?

GOOD NEWS & BAD NEWS

Good News, Bad News

Good News: GMA orders release of additional 1000pesos for teachers who served in the last election
Bad News: Additional 1000 pesos to be distributed by House Deputy Speaker Ma. Amelita Villarosa

Good News: GMA releases 200 million pesos for cheap rice in local markets
Bad News: A huge amount for something cheap?! Hmmm… fishy.

Good News: Erap ilalaan ang nalalabing buhay sa paglaban sa nakawan sa gobyerno
Bad News: Pero mga ninakaw, ayaw ibalik

Good News: Sandiganbayan eyes Erap’s luxury cars
Bad News: Erap claims he has only one luxury car. (Ano ‘yon?) Eh ‘di… Estrada!

Good News: El Shaddai, Jesus is Lord Movement back JDV’s call for “moral revolution”
Bad News: Brother Mike? Brother Eddie? And JDV? Together?! Sige, kayo na lang.

Good News: Study shows more men getting more and more involved in household work
Bad News: More women getting more and more hooked on Marimar (while men work)

Good News: Dolly Ann Carvajal, kampi kina Piolo Pascual at Sam Milby
Bad News: Piolo, Sam and Dolly, iisa ang hilig: lalaki

New Impeachment Case

Despite the one-year prohibition against filing another impeachment case against President Arroyo, extreme leftist groups filed another one yesterday. Mrs. Arroyo’s foes know that the case will not prosper in Congress dominated by Arroyo allies. They just wanted to set a Guinness record for the most number of impeachment complaints filed against a president.

“Cash Gift” Source

First it was the League of Governors. Then, Kampi. Now, a senator claims the money distributed as “cash gifts” in Malacañang last month came from the Philippine National Police’ intelligence funds. What’s next? I wouldn’t be surprised if Iggy Arroyo comes forward and admits to being the source of the cash.

De Venecia on Kid’s Suicide

House Speaker Jose De Venecia said, “The suicide (of a 12-year-old girl in Davao City) is due to poverty, perpetuated because money and resources intended to bolster anti-poverty campaigns have been hijacked.” Coming from the mouth of a “hijacker” himself, that statement must be true.

The Church on Suicide

People who committed suicide may now receive final blessing from the Catholic Church and will be given full funeral rites. In fact, the Catholic Church will soon launch a special promo: if the person who commits suicide is a member of Congress, the Church will shoulder all the expenses. Every member of Congress is encouraged to avail themselves of the promo. The sooner, the better.

THE SOURCE

 GMA Asked to Step Down Anew

A group that identified itself as “United Forces” composed of opposition and civil society members has launched another campaign to demand the resignation of President Arroyo and Vice President Noli De Castro and called for the holding of a snap election. Due to this political development, the public is hereby advised to avoid shopping malls, and other crowded areas where another methane gas explosion could happen.

Lady Solon: Kampi Is Source of Money

House Deputy Speaker Ma. Amelita Villarosa admits that the money she, herself distributed to congressmen and some governors in Malacañang last October came from their party, Kabalikat ng Mamamayang Pilipino or Kampi. She tried so hard to keep the matter a secret – until the woman in her prevailed.

Lady Solon: Kampi Is Source of Money II

Squealing on Kampi chairman and DILG Sec. Ronaldo Puno, House Deputy Speaker Ma. Amelita Villarosa said that contrary to his vehement denial, Puno knew about the disbursement of money to congressmen and governors last month. Masamang puno.

They Did It!

At the height of the Malacañang bribery scandal, a couple of solons and a governor admitted that they indeed received bundles of money. Two weeks later, the League of Governors claimed it was the source of the “cash gift.” Yesterday, a lady solon and Kampi regional head admitted that the party was actually the source of the money. Lahat sila umamin na – except perhaps for Sam and Piolo.

Erap’s Assets

The Sandiganbayan gave former president Joseph Estrada five days to turn over some 700 million pesos in cash and properties that were forfeited when he was convicted of plunder. Should he fail to comply, the anti-graft court threatens to confiscate Estrada’s other valuable assets such as the Polk Street mansion in North Greenhills, the rest house in Tanay, and Laarni Enriquez.

Controlling Population Growth

The House of Representatives has allotted 2 billion pesos for birth control in the 2008 national budget. Seventy-five percent will be used to buy contraceptives; the rest to buy conservatives (in the Catholic Church).

PRESIDENT JINGGOY? HOLY COW!

Erap’s Anti-Poverty Campaign

Reports say deposed president Joseph Estrada has kicked off his anti-poverty campaign by visiting slums in Tondo, Manila. Many residents almost believed Estrada’s claim that he empathizes with Tondo’s famished and malnourished residents – until two familiar faces surfaced from the crowd: JV & Jinggoy.

Erap’s Anti-Poverty Campaign II

Former president Joseph Estrada has started his anti-poverty campaign by visiting poor communities in Manila. He’s just reminding us that 2010 is less than three years away.

Jinggoy for 2010?

The opposition is reportedly eyeing Jinggoy Estrada as its standard bearer in the 2010 presidential elections. If that’s true, then let us start a signature campaign to re-instate Virgilio Garcillano as Comelec commissioner.

Jinggoy-Binay for 2010

The opposition is reportedly fielding the tandem of Jinggoy Estrada and Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay in the 2010 presidential elections. I was actually planning to register as a voter for 2010 but I just had second thoughts.

Top 5 Rejected Campaign Slogans for the Jinggoy Estrada-Jejomar Binay Campaign

5: Nanay Niyang si Loi ay Doktora
Asawa Niyang si Elenita ay Doktora
Wala Lang.

4: Pilipino Mamili Ka:
Kaming Dalawa o Kandidato ni Gloria?!?

3: Ipagpapatuloy Namin ang Nasimulan ni Erap
Dahil Two Years Lang Niya Natikman ang Sarap

2: Tambalang Maglilingkod sa Pilipino: Rambotito at Imbutido

1: Mula Makati… Hanggang Jolo
San Juan ka man ay halina tayo
Isang Jojo’t, ‘sang Estrada
Buong bansa… shit talaga!

Have a productive week ahead!