ABALOS FIGHTS BACK

 Abalos vs. De Venecia III

Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos will file a 20-million peso libel case against businessman Jose “Joey” De Venecia III for damaging his reputation. Abalos’ plan shocked even his wife who seriously doubted if the Comelec chief’s reputation was worth that much.

Abalos’ Mistress?

In an exclusive interview with the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Evelyn Catherine Silagon, a 52-year-old former freelance public relations practitioner vehemently denied that she is the mistress of Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos. It’s true, she is not. She was.

Impeaching Abalos

Three solons have endorsed the impeachment complaint filed against Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos. The House needs at least 80 solons to transmit the complaint to the Senate. “Cong, may 200 ka dito.”

Abalos’ Offer to Neri

Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos reportedly offered Romulo Neri a bribe. Initially, the 57-year-old bachelor almost said yes… because he thought he heard bride, not bribe.

 GMA’s Appeal

President Arroyo calls on Myanmar to release detained Nobel laureate Aung San Suu Kyi and all political detainees. The president is so proud of the fact that in the Philippines, the government’s political adversaries are never jailed. They just disappear. 

Miriam Apologizes

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago apologized for saying that China “invented corruption” during a heated hearing on the NBN project. Miriam said, “I will never denigrate the Chinese because I am married to one.” At least now we know who her basis was when she made that remark.

Corruption? What Corruption? (Headlines from online news websites)

Wednesday evening: RP ranked 131st in corruption perception index
Friday noon: Ombudsman disputes RP ranking in corruption index
Friday afternoon: Incumbent Leyte solon sentenced to 18 years for graft & corruption

 UAAP: La Salle vs. Ateneo

The Ateneo Blue Eagles won over the De La Salle Green Archers to force a rubber match on Sunday. Grocery stores near La Salle noted a sharp increase in the sales of Kleenex tissues.

Enjoy your weekend!

UNCORROBORATED

Uncorroborated Allegation

President Arroyo said an internal and discreet investigation conducted by Malacañang on the alleged bribery in connection with the controversial national broadband network project found no irregularities. In short, bribery is just a “regular” thing under this government.

Top 5 Questions Asked During the NBN Probe Conducted Internally & Discreetly by Malacañang

5: To First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo: “What finger did you point at Joey De Venecia? If it’s not the middle finger, then why should they implicate you?”

4: To DOTC Sec. Leandro Mendoza: “You signed the NBN deal for the Philippine government, right? What was the color of the pen you used?”

3: To a ZTE Representative: “Fo yu infu: Abalos onli ask for bride not bribe. Oki? Do yu hev hearing defek?”

2: To CHEd Chairman and former NEDA Director Romulo Neri: “Is it true that Abalos tried to bribe you so that you’ll approve of the ZTE deal? Answer yes and you will lose your job! So, what’s your answer?”

And the number 1 question asked during the NBN probe conducted internally & discreetly by Malacañang…

1: To Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos: “Did you enjoy it? If yes… well, at your age… hmmm… what’s wrong with the deal then?”

Assassination Threat vs. GMA

National Security Adviser Norberto Gonzales bares another plot to assassinate President Arroyo, the third or fourth threat in three months. More and more Filipinos want to become a hero.

Tired Joey

Businessman Jose “Joey” De Venecia III was quoted to have said, “I’m tired of corruption in government.” Geez, how dare him speak ill of his own father in public!?!

“Joey’s the Chaser”

Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos revealed that it was businessman Joey De Venecia who actually chased him, and visited his Wack-Wack office five or six times. Now that explains why De Venecia has been “losing hair.” *Wink*

Jimenez Withdraws Suits

Saying he wants to have “peace of mind,” former Manila representative Mark Jimenez has withdrawn the cases he filed against Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez, former justice chief Hernani Perez, his estranged wife Caroline, and three children. For Nani Perez, the withdrawal of the case was “godly;” for Caroline, “virtuous;” for Raul Gonzales, “premonition.”

Improving the PBA

Members of the Philippine Basketball Association or PBA board have approved a new set of rules that will make PBA games more exciting – they will finally allow Filipinos to play on the court!

Courteousness Survey

The city of Manila is the 21st most courteous city in the world according to the Reader’s Digest global survey on courteousness conducted last July. Manila edged out its neighbors including Hong Kong, Bangkok, Taiwan, Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, Jakarta, and Seoul as well as first world cities Sydney, Moscow, Milan, and Bucharest. Tingnan mo nga naman. Sinong mag-aakalang may mas bastos pa pala sa ‘tin?

Manila’s Courteousness Campaign

The city of Manila in partnership with Swiss chocolate brand Toblerone has declared October 20 as “Thank You Day” to show common courtesy and appreciation for others. Therefore, when a foreigner offers you a bribe, what will you say? Sabay-sabay… “Thank you!” (Very good!)

There’s No Truth to Rumors…

… that Marco Antonio Barrera has decided to withdraw from his scheduled October 6 fight against Manny Pacquiao. According to the grapevine, Barrera called off the fight after receiving a phone call from “a mystery man” who told him to “Back off!” Barrera’s camp dismissed the rumor as preposterous.

In Memoriam

The whole world is mourning the death of celebrated pantomime artist Marcel Marceau. In honor of this remarkable performer, let us all offer a moment of noise.

HEAVEN SENT

God’s Agent

House Speaker Jose De Venecia claims his son Joey is “an agent of the Lord, an agent of change, and an agent of some form of moral regeneration.” Wait, was it Joey or is it JDV who’s hooked on drugs?

God’s Agent II

House Speaker Jose De Venecia claims his son Joey is “an agent of the Lord, an agent of change, and of some form of moral regeneration.” Watch out Brother Mike. You’ve got competition!

ZTE Deal Suspended

President Arroyo has ordered the suspension of the controversial national broadband network project. House Speaker Jose De Venecia refused to confirm suspicions that the suspension was Joey’s first miracle.

Jarius & Abalos

Columnist Jarius Bondoc, who accused Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos of threatening to kill him thought that Abalos was the most menacing person he’s seen recently. Until Luli Arroyo began talking.

Briefly Noted

Joey De Venecia and Britney Spears have two things in common. Both have checked into rehab and both are “bald.” Here’s the proof.

Pacquiao and the National Anthem

Contrary to earlier reports, actress Ara Mina, the rumored mistress of boxer Manny Pacquiao, will not sing the Philippine National Anthem on his upcoming fight in October. Instead, Pinoy Pop Superstar champion Jonalyn Viray will. Sought for his reaction, Pacquiao said he didn’t really care if it’s Ara or Jonalyn – ‘wag lang si Christian Bautista.

Piolo’s Revelation

In a press conference held to promote his concert, actor Piolo Pascual admitted that he had an affair with singer Pops Fernandez some years back. However, that didn’t really surprise the members of the press. They’ve heard similar revelations from the likes of Arnell Ignacio, Ogie Diaz, and yes, even the late hairdresser June Encarnacion.

Marcel Marceau, 83

The French mime artist Marcel Marceau has died at the age of 83. The cause of death was not revealed by his family but the public is 100 percent sure that he died – silently.

MODERN SAYINGS

TOP 15 MODERN SAYINGS INSPIRED BY THE ZTE BROADBAND DEAL CONTROVERSY

15: Ang bidder na talunan
Nag-iibayo ang tapang.

14: Charity begins at a home in Wack-wack.

13: Ang sakit ng kalingkingan ni Mike Arroyo
Dama ng buong Malacañang at ng pangulo.

12: Don’t judge the bidder by its broker.

11: Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa ZTE ang gawa, kay Abalos ang biyaya.

10: Kung hindi manalo sa bidding na paspasan
Daanin na lang sa kolumnista’t pahayagan.

9: The grass is always greener on the golf course.

8: Kung hindi madaan sa bidding na paspasan
Daanin na sa lang sa senadong sumbungan.

7: Necessity is the mother of extortion.

6: The proof of the bidding is in the bribing.

5: A Senate probe a day keeps the First Gentleman away.

4: Blood is thicker than hair.

3: Too many crooks spoil the broadband project.

2: If at first you don’t succeed, back off.

And the number 1 modern saying inspired by the ZTE deal controversy…

1: Early to Ben & early to Mike make a bidder winner, wealthier twice.

FOR THE NTH TIME

Mike Arroyo and ZTE

Businessman Jose “Joey” De Venecia III implicated First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo in the controversial ZTE national broadband project deal. Enmeshed in yet another scandal, Attorney Mike might just need another major surgery to calm down his critics.

Mike Arroyo and ZTE

Businessman Joey De Venecia III implicated First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo in the controversial ZTE deal. Walaaaaaaang kadala-dala!

A Song For the First Gentleman

‘DI NA NATUTO
(To be sung to the tune of Gary Valenciano’s ‘Di Na Natuto)

Sangkot ka na naman
Sinusubukan mo ang aming patience
Ilang ulit na bang
Sumasabit ka na
‘Di na natuto

Hudyat ng ‘yong mata
Laging nagbabanta kahit malayo oohh
Nagbu-broker ka na
Pinagtatakpan pa
‘Di na natuto

Isang banta mo lang
At bidders – napapaamo
Suhulan mong minsan
Ay muling manghihingi sa ‘yo
Na walang kalaban-laban
Kickback na ‘to’y tanging sa ‘yo lamang.

IN OTHER NEWS…

Roxas’ Resolution

Sen. Mar Roxas has filed a resolution calling on President Arroyo to pardon former president Joseph Estrada at the “appropriate time.” Roxas did not say if he was referring to the time shortly before the 2010 elections.

Roxas’ Resolution II

Sen. Mar Roxas filed a resolution calling on President Arroyo to pardon former president Joseph Estrada at the “appropriate time.” Resolution in aid of election?

Villar’s Call

Senate’s richest member (net worth: P921M), Manuel Villar has reiterated his call to have convicted and still popular former president Joseph Estrada released from detention. Villar already has the money. Now he wants the votes.

GMA on DOJ Chief

Reports say President Arroyo will decide next month whether to retain or replace Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales who underwent a kidney transplant last week… unless the kidneys themselves decide that it’s time for Gonzales to “finally let go.”

Imelda’s New Shoes

Doctors of former First Lady Imelda Marcos advised her to buy a new pair of orthopedic shoes to relieve the pain in her knees which led to her hospitalization last week. Didn’t you notice the irony? The one thing that made her so famous is the same thing that’s slowly killing her.

Restroom Hygiene

In the United States, a new study revealed that about 33% of men do not wash their hands after using the restroom. In the Philippines, that 33% represents the number of restrooms without water supply.

UAAP Cheerdance Champion

The UP Pep Squad dethroned the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe in the 2007 UAAP-Samsung Cheerdance Competition. That explains why for two days… España Street in Manila was flooded – with tears.

Singer Falters

Singer Christian Bautista forgot the lyrics of the Philippine National Anthem when he sang it in a boxing exhibition match last Sunday in Alabang. Christian is more comfortable singing in a ballet performance than in a boxing match.

Singer Falters II

Singer Christian Bautista forgot the lyrics of the Philippine National Anthem when he sang it in a boxing exhibition match last Sunday in Alabang. But the fans are not asking why he forgot the song. They just wanted to know what the hell was he doing in that cheap event in Alabang.

Exclusive!

YOU READ IT HERE FIRST: My source says Joey De Leon considers resigning from all of his shows on GMA 7 except for Eat Bulaga which is independently produced by TAPE Incorporated. Currently, Joey has five regular programs on the Kapuso Network: Takeshi’s Castle, Nuts Entertainment, Mel & Joey, Startalk, and Eat Bulaga. Here’s a backgrounder.

NO DEAL

No Deal

Deposed president Joseph Estrada says neither an amnesty nor a pardon is acceptable to him. Eh ‘di mabuti.

No Deal II

Convicted of plunder, former president Joseph Estrada says neither an amnesty nor a pardon is acceptable to him. Overheard from Special Prosecutor Dennis Villa Ignacio: “Akala mo sa ‘yo lang? Sa ‘min rin.”

Joma in Jail

CPP-NPA Founding Chairman Jose Maria Sison says his detention at a Dutch penitentiary facility “felt like living in a toilet.” The jail was the bowl; he was the waste.

ZTE Deal

On the ZTE deal, Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Oscar Cruz says “government is shameless” and the “country is hopeless.” And as Jarius Bondoc would have added: “Abalos is shirtless.”

Raul Gonzales’ Kidney Transplant

Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales underwent a successful kidney transplant Friday morning. His doctors say Gonzales is very, very happy. They couldn’t tell though if the new kidney feels the same.

Raul Gonzales’ Kidney Transplant II

Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales’ new kidney was donated by his driver Felicito Gunay. When doctors told him, “Congrats po sa operation Justice Secretary,” a half-conscious Gonzales replied, “I’m not the DOJ chief! I am the secretary of Transportation.”

Loren’s Beauty Secret

Sen. Loren Legarda credits horse radish or malunggay for her youthful good looks. Now don’t ask me how the elongated veggie keeps her young. Ask her.

Malunggay, Anyone?

A recent study showed that horse radish or malunggay boosts male potency. The male organ initially turns “radish” then a few seconds later, turns into a “horse.” Awwr!

UP Cagers Make History

The UP Fighting Maroons made history as the second team to fail to win a single game in a UAAP basketball tournament after losing its last game to the Adamson University Soaring Falcons. Rumors say UP basketball officials are replacing the current mediocre roster with Sigma Rho members. At least ‘yang mga ‘yan, patayan kung lumaban.

Say That Again?!

“Sobra na. Nakakalungkot. Nakakainis. Wala na silang karespe-respeto. Ano pa’ng mangyayari sa ating bansa?” – German Moreno on Joseph Estrada’s conviction

That’s what happens kapag walang tulugan.

Briefly Noted

Even before major newspapers bannered the controversial RP-ZTE deal on the national broadband network project, Philippine Star columnist Jarius Bondoc has been writing about it religiously for several days. Inaraw-araw talaga niya sa kanyang column. I had no background whatsoever on the subject because not a single major article has come out in any of the three leading newspapers. Thus it made me wonder: why was Jarius Bondoc spending so much time writing about the ZTE deal? Was it his advocacy against corruption? Siguro. Was it his concern for the Filipino taxpayers? Posible.

Until one day, the name of the losing bidder in the NBN project cropped up: Jose “Joey” De Venecia III. Bull’s-eye! Just so you know, Jarius Bondoc’s wife Marissa is the niece of House Speaker Jose De Venecia.

Me and my polluted mind.

GUILTY!

DEPOSED PRESIDENT Joseph Estrada has been found guilty of plunder but the perjury case against him was dismissed. The Sandiganbayan is simply saying that Estrada is an “honest thief.”

Former president Estrada said he agreed to go on the witness stand because he expected a fair trial from the Sandiganbayan. But he was still convicted. Plunder blunder.

President Arroyo’s spokesman Ignacio Bunye called on the public not to be distracted by the Erap case because “we have a country to run, an economy to grow, and a peace to win.” Bunye was so glued to the tv screen this morning he failed to write a new statement. (Narinig na po namin ‘yan kay President Arroyo last month.)

Malacañang says it will “bow to the decision of the Sandiganbayan” – with a smile.

The Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines as well as leftist leaders of party-list group Bayan Muna welcomed the ruling of the anti-graft court but stated that this should serve as a warning to the people in power. President Arroyo, who heard the CBCP’s and the leftists’ warning reportedly uttered, “First warning pa lang naman eh. ‘Di ba allowed naman hanggang three?”

Reports say one of Estrada’s mistresses, former actress Laarni Enriquez cried out loud after the promulgation. She couldn’t accept the fact that the Sandiganbayan has just ordered the forfeiture of her infamous Boracay mansion.

Former First Lady Loi Ejercito wept when the anti-graft court meted out a guilty verdict on the former president. She was probably thinking of the “shared” conjugal visits that would likely to continue.

JV Ejercito also cried after learning of the Sandiganbayan’s decision. He couldn’t believe that Jinggoy Estrada was acquitted.

Deposed president Estrada says “no” to any special treatment following his conviction. Supporters, friends, and relatives of all ages and sexes have been kissing him after the promulgation, all he wants now is a facial treatment.

The Philippine peso gained ground at the Philippine Dealing System following Joseph Estrada’s conviction. It could have performed better if Jinggoy was also convicted.

Inactive character actor Rez Cortez, an Estrada die-hard, lambasted the Sandiganbayan for its decision, and threatened to conduct various activities to show their indignation. To infuriate the Sandiganbayan justices, Cortez will hold free public screenings of his old movies.

A thin crowd of Estrada supporters joined the rally near the Sandiganbayan in Quezon City. The “asking price” of those who didn’t attend was simply too high.

Briefly Noted

GMA 7 and ABS-CBN used exactly the same title for their special coverage of the Estrada promulgation: “Ang Hatol: The Estrada Plunder Case.” That’s not really surprising since ABS-CBN’s newsroom think-tanks all came from GMA.

Meanwhile, ABC 5 dubbed its special coverage: “E-Day.” The E stands for eleven – the number of people who actually watched the network’s entire coverage.

POLITICS & GAME SHOWS

ALACAÑANG/PRESIDENT ARROYO	WOWOWEE/WILLIE REVILLAME
“Hello Garci”	“Hello Pappy”
Vote-rigging	Game-rigging
It was about the 1 million	It was about the 2 million
Initially refused to talk for days	Initially refused to talk for days
Blamed the opposition	Blamed the rival station
“The tapes were altered”	“It was a mechanical glitch”
Malacañang’s paid hacks defended her	ABS-CBN’s paid hacks defended him
“No need to explain, it wasn’t her.”	“No need to explain; nobody complained!”
Issue refused to die; public outraged	Issue refused to die; public cried foul
Senate and Congress initiated probe	Senate and Congress initiated probe
She then said, “I’m sorry.”	He then said, “I’m sorry.”
Explained the calls: “No intention to cheat.”	Explained the game: “No intention to cheat.”
It was a “lapse in judgment.”	It was a “design flaw.”
Case closed? Not really.	Issue over? Not for Joey.

Enjoy your weekend!

BENJAMIN ABALOS: X-RATED

COMELEC Chairman Benjamin “Ben” Abalos Sr. has been in the news for almost two weeks now. Critics alleged that he brokered the $329-million national broadband network project for ZTE Corp., a Chinese telecoms firm, in exchange for sexual favors and bribe money. Abalos has since denied the allegations although he admitted traveling to Beijing where he played golf with ZTE officials. He particularly laughed off rumors that he received “beautiful women” as gifts for brokering the deal saying he was “way too old” to engage in extra-sexual activities. Meanwhile, his wife has neither confirmed nor denied rumors that she fondly calls him “Big Ben.” Awwwr!

Top 10 X-Rated Movies Starring Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos

10: Bukas Luluhod ang mga Tsekwa (Subtitle: Babae Sila, Enjoy si Chairman!)

9: The 70-Year-Old Feeling Virgin

8: Lake Flaccid

7: One Flew Over the Chinese’ Breast

6: Done in 60 Seconds

5: Deck the Holes

4: I Know Who You Did Last Summer (In Beijing)

3: Broadband Mating

2: X-Ben: The Last Stand (Subtitle: Ayaw Nang Tumayo)

And the number 1 X-Rated Movie Starring Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos…

1: Ben Whore

PERSONAL

Kobe Bryant is already here guys! Later at 2PM, I’ll be at the Philsports Arena to see my idol in the flesh! Woohoo!

Also, I’d like to thank everyone in and out of cyberspace who appreciates this blog. Your nice words are really flattering. Hugs.

AGAIN, BARBARIC

Murdered!

An autopsy conducted on UP student Cris Anthony Mendez revealed that he was badly beaten (allegedly by Sigma Rho Fraternity officers and members). Sigma Rhoans will soon be invited in ABS-CBN’s new game show: 1 vs. 100!

Joma Sison in Jail

Reports say Dutch authorities wouldn’t let the wife of detained CPP-NPA founder Jose Maria Sison visit him in jail. But they did allow him to bring videos of Ara Mina’s old skin flicks.

Gabriela Boycotts Dutch Products

In protest of the arrest of their leader CPP-NPA founder Jose Maria Sison in the Netherlands, militant group Gabriela calls for a nationwide boycott of all Dutch products including Heineken beer, chocolates and cheese made in Holland. Dutch authorities are unfazed – Gabriela members are not even familiar with those products.

Abu Sayyaf in Basilan

Reports say Abu Sayyaf terrorists were able to slip out of the battlefield and mingle with residents in Basilan province. Oh that’s really nothing. Wahab Akbar has been mingling with congressmen for four months now.

Son Wants Dad to Rest

Rep. Raul Gonzales Jr. also wants his sick dad, Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales to quit the cabinet and rest – no work, no talk, no controversy, no criticisms. In short, he wants him to rest – in peace.

Chinese Official in Manila

Chinese Defense Minister Cao Gangchuan is in the country for a “goodwill visit.” However, the government rejected Cao’s request to visit an orphanage to give away Dora, Barbie, and Barney toys from China.

Guess Who’s Back?

Controversial lifestyle columnist Malu Fernandez has resumed writing for Manila Standard Today despite an earlier statement that she has resigned from the paper. Unverified reports say Manila Standard Today refused let go of Fernandez out of gratitude. If not for her bigotry, the public wouldn’t have known that the daily actually existed.

Fighting Maroons Debacle

The UP Fighting Maroons absorbed its 11th straight loss in the UAAP cage wars last Saturday. The State University is so desperate it now considers fielding the Lady Maroons if only to win at least a game before the season ends.